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NYPost: Confused Jewish GOP Donors Think Michele Bachmann Is A Jew

orly taitz converting michele bachmann to judaism?Corrupt goon Rupert Murdoch’s Florida retirement community gossip rag The New York Post has some hottt new rumor skull-hacked from the brains of a mysterious gaggle of senile Jewish GOP donors claiming that these sorely confused purse holders are mistakenly sending fat checks to Michele Bachmann’s campaign under the impression that she is “the Jewish candidate.” Wait till Michele’s Jesus hears about this!? We are guessing these donors spotted Michele’s mangled attempt at the word “chutzpah” on the retirement home’s 24-hour Fox News Channel beam, otherwise there is no possible explanation besides “this is made up.” Sure, the article cites one anonymous crabby Mitt Romney fundraiser as the source of the rumor, but who can trust Mitt Romney’s people? Oh, uh, apparently because this fundraiser believes the Jewish GOP dollars rightfully belong to mystery-religion Mittens.

SO SALACIOUS:

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is facing a new challenge: He’s having trouble raising money from some Jewish donors who mistakenly believe one of his opponents, Michele Bachmann, is Jewish.

Some Jewish donors are telling fund-raisers for Romney, a Mormon, that while they like him, they’d rather open their wallets for the “Jewish candidate,” who they don’t realize is actually a Lutheran, The Post has learned.

“It’s a real problem,” one Romney fund-raiser said. “We’re working very hard in the Jewish community because of Obama’s Israel problem. This was surprising.”

The NYPost also has a service tip for Jewish GOP donors who need to get a clue by pointing out Michele Bachmann “doesn’t look Jewish,” or human, or lizard, or vegetable, or whatever. [NYPost]

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266 comments

    1. iburl

      They thought he was Buchaman, you know, Jewish like LieberMAN or SpeilMAN or BachMANN or SpiderMAN

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Look, when the Almighty told y'all you were the Chosen People, didja ever ask him, "Chosen for WHAT?" No. You didn't.

      So, is it his fault he didn't tell ya?

    1. BornInATrailer

      Brother Levi Hershberger, owner and proprietor of Hershberger Sperm Bank in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania?

        1. MichelesPantalones

          Probably somewhere among the couch cushions, along with the remote, some change, and a few old potato crisps or whatever they're called.

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            You think she'd ask, "What are you doing here?"

            I mean, really, what do YOU do when you find a bearded guy hiding under your sofa cushions?

    2. LionHeartSoyDog

      Do you know who else was Lutheran?

      Also Hitleresque: chutzpah pronounced "shoot spaz."

  1. baconzgood

    " I didn't hear that (Michele Bachmann was an ultra Christian nut bag with a boner for Jebus while pissing on everything he'd ever taught) because I've been living in a cave, on Mars, with my eyes shut and my ears plugged"

    -Cecil Terwilliger-

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    "The NYPost also has a service tip for Jewish GOP donors who need to get a clue by pointing out Michele Bachmann doesn’t look Jewish, "

    She doesn't?

    1. James Michael Curley

      Of course she looks jewish. She got crossed eyed looking down her obviously semantic nose at everyone else.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      I always kinda got a Rhoda-Morgenstern-Minnesota-Jew vibe from her, only with a lot less funny and a lot more crazy.

  3. DaRooster

    “We’re working very hard in the Jewish community…"

    Hey Mitt, like most communities you should probably do more "talking to" and less "working on". Being an honest fellow would do much more than being a scheming slime bag… but you are a Repugnant so…

    1. weejee

      “We’re working very hard in the Jewish community…"

      Perhaps if they stopped playing with themselves they'd have more success?

      1. DahBoner

        "“We’re working very hard in the Jewish community…"

        A new feature film starring Fifi 'Bubbles' Goldstein???

    2. elviouslyqueer

      Um, Mitt? Dropping the word "Israel" as an occasional non sequitur does not constitute "working hard in the Jewish community."

      1. MichelesPantalones

        They send money to that great big feygalah because he reminds them so much of that nice boy, Liberace.

        Edited to add: Every mother should only have such a son. Oy!

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Michele Bachmann née Amble. . .sure, it sounds Jewish enough the way Yellow Cake in Iran means nuclear capabilities.

    1. widestanceshakedown

      Except she's not strong (I mean, come on, migraines. . .weak and un-American), good-looking (outside of the GOP hive), and far from above average (even in the GOP hive).

    2. BornInATrailer

      "Brought to you by Marcus's Pretty Good Clinic. If you can't pray it away at Marcus's, you can probably get along with it."

  4. Geminisunmars

    Ewww. The thought of M Bachmann being thought of as Jewish is almost as icky as Santorum.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          I love Yiddish, it's a language that lends itself to a certain crabby, curmudgeonly depth of expression. I wish it wasn't disappearing, hardly anyone speaks it anymore except the alterkackers.

  5. Goonemeritus

    The GOP will field a Jewish candidate for President only after he has converted to Christianity and then they will still not vote for him.

    1. WhatTheHolyHeck

      The response would make that White House watermelon patch image look like a respectful homage by comparison.

  6. GunToting[Redacted]

    But A Prairie Home Companion has led us to believe that all Lutherans are nice, pleasant people. Tell me the fat man in the red sneakers isn't a liar!

  7. BTWBFDIMHO

    So the Gopers have a Lutheran, two Mormons, several Baptists, who else? Oh, what about that Methodist from Alaska, is she running?

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Methodist? Snowbilly is a pentecostal. As a United Methodist myself, it was tough enough to carry a cross made up of George Bush's and Dick Cheney's nominal Methodism.

      Oh, meth-odist. Haha. Never mind. (In my best Gilda Radnor imitation.)

    2. MichelesPantalones

      I see what you did there. B'leev that's her almost-son-in-law's mother, though. Sarah's a "shrieking-in-tongues" kinda gal.

    3. widget2011

      All are Morans……However Rick Perry believes he's Jebus, unfortunatly, his dad won't even give him a piss trickle in Texas.

  8. nappyduggs

    Michele Bachmann a jewess? Mention B'nai B'rith and she'll respond by saying that "God will bring that little beauty queen's killer to justice one day."

  9. SorosBot

    Somehow I find it hard to believe that anyone who is involved enough in politics to be donating to primary candidates this early in the campaign could have somehow failed to notice Bachmann's constant references to Jesus; but the NY Post is such a trustworthy paper…

      1. MichelesPantalones

        Huh-unh! I noticed too. I was just wondering whether Oilushka had her stilts on or wut. Michele looks like a dwarf next to her.

          1. MichelesPantalones

            Dood, you so better be referring to MishMash's mind, or what passes therefor.

            Just kidding. Not that Oily is a mental giant or anything, but I guess, by comparison … I mean, at least Oily has an excuse, she's a Russian (or Latvian or Lubavitcher, or whatever the fuck she is).

          2. MichelesPantalones

            True. But at least Oily speaks three languages pretty fluently. Michele can barely get by in one.

  10. freakishlywrong

    "because of Obama’s Israel problem.". That's funny. They say that as though it's empirical fact. The little Jewish ladies in the Miami and the Palm beach; they love the Schvartze.

    1. SorosBot

      The Republicans have long thought that if they just support Israeli apartheid strongly enough, they should be able to win the Jewish vote from the Democrats, who sometimes will say to the Israeli government, "You know, maybe you should try massacring a few less Palestinians and maybe even try talking to them sometimes."

      They don't seem to understand that most Jewish Americans are not single-issue voters like Joe Lieberman who will vote with a party they disagree with on most issues and has made it clear they hate non-Christians, and in fact many unlike Joe again do not reflexively support the Israeli government in everything it does, no matter how horrible.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Didn't realize the Obama had an Israel problem. Is NOT nuking Iran just because, considered a "problem"?

  11. Come here a minute

    Michele is also raking in donations from classic rock fans who are under the impression that she is the drummer on "Takin' Care of Business" and "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet".

  12. Steverino247

    Look at the bright side. How depressing this must be for Romney. His staff are busting ass trying to raise money and voter interest for him, only to find out they're giving money to somebody who's not a member of the Lost Tribe like Mitt thinks he is.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, well, there's a reason they didn't bother to go looking for that particular lost tribe.

  13. OC_Surf_Serf

    That there are any donors that actually see her qualified to be President scares the schnitzel outta me…

          1. Limeylizzie

            Well, a lot more Sephardic Jews in Britain than in the US so that could well be true and would make his sexiness increase by quite a bit in my eyes.

      1. WhatTheHolyHeck

        YO M'ENAMORI D'UN AIRE, baby. And I have a rendition of Ocho Kandelikas that will knock your socks off and right into the laundry.

  14. flamingpdog

    Michele's a Lutheran? Can we just nail her to the door of Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany, and have done with her?

    1. zhubajie

      Repeat Luther's opinion that God gave women big behinds as a sign they should stay home and sit on them!

  15. DahBoner

    And then Bachmann waved a stack of coupons, for half priced ham at the senile Jewish people:

    Y'all like to save money, right?

    1. MichelesPantalones

      I wouldn't put it past her. Where do we get these shrieking idiots? Cab drivers in little towns in Asia know more about world politics than these putzes.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Holy shit. That is … does the Jewish community know that the Book of Mormon contains such hateful rants?

      Thanks for the link. I'll see what I can do to help Mitt win the Jewish vote.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I'm sure some folks know. I was damn surprised when I started reading my free copy though. It's soooo boring though, and soooo badly written, that it could be filled with all manner of lunacy that nobody's been able to get to, though.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          Not to pry, or anything, but how did you get a free copy? I'd hate to give a penny to the Mormons, who already have bucketfuls more than I, but I'd also like to read that thang. Did you write Mittens and promise to vote for him? Hmm?

          1. SayItWithWookies

            Oh, the Mormons pass that thing out like it was candy. One of 'em called me once and asked (after a while) if I'd at the very least be interested in receiving a copy, and I said sure. I was told how much wisdom and important lessons it contained, and so when it came in the mail, I opened it right up — and it starts right in with The Jews persecuting Nehi and his family right after the crucifixion, so you know it was totally historically accurate.

            Anyway, skip to any page and it's nothing but bland writing, patently ridiculous accounts of travels to wherever, sermons about who-knows-what — it's like a bad imitation of the cadence and language of the Bible but entirely without that horrible book's occasional glimmers of humanity.

          2. ShaveTheWhales

            It is, of course, a straight rip-off of the OT, moved sideways an ocean, and with fewer (that is, zero) references to historically identifiable geography.

            And, yes, I've read the whole thing. Confuses the shit out of missionaries.

          3. horsedreamer_1

            I ordered mine, under an assumed name, from an ad that was running during Hardball for the entire summer of 2001. Then, a year or so later, my mother got six or so calls looking to schedule an appointment with the person "Norman Dukes". They were very polite, but insistent, even as my mother indicated nobody by that name lived at hers and my stepfather's house. And me? At the time, I was in Romania. In a town with two other resident Americans: Mormon missionaries. Sadly, I never went to them and said, "So, I hear your brethren in Milwaukee are looking for me…"

          4. MichelesPantalones

            Pity you didn't stay in touch with them. You could've emailed them the YouTube link to Book of Mormon's Hasa Diga Eebowai. That would've got them going.

  16. owhatever

    Jews: Send more money, but you are going to hell anyway.
    Your friends in Christ,
    Michelle and Mitt

  17. SorosBot

    As a Murdoch paper, the NY Post should know exactly what was said in every phone call made by each Presidential campaign.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          Oh, noes! Now I has a heartbreak.

          Poor little fellow. Here's hoping he comes home safe.

          Thanks for letting me know, sisterfriend.

          1. MichelesPantalones

            No, they can't. I would never do that to my silly gingers. They're too attached and affectionate (and paranoid, and, quite honestly, just plain stupid) to be allowed to suffer so. I don't know how you manage to travel with Neville (it's not often, is it?).

            Lizzie, I have a confession: I copied Neville's photo from your Flickr stream. Just one. He is so very beautiful, and he looks, well, you know how he looks. And I wanted it for sentimental reasons, but didn't ask — I hope that's OK?

            Jack has that "special needs cat" look too, doesn't he? What a beautiful creature. I insist on hoping that the Universe will help Jack find his way home. Are you still in NYC? With the foster-felines?

          2. Limeylizzie

            I am flattered, as is Neville, that you have his photo, I know he looks so much like your boy, shockingly so , actually. Poor Jack the Cat is really exquisite looking, that lovely creamy-red coat is glorious, I also hope he finds his people. I am still in NYC with Barney and Trevor, the homeless ones, but may be going back to LA in a couple of weeks.

          3. ProudLibunatic

            Are orange cats some kind of genetic misfits? ( I'm a dog person, and I know nothing about cats.)
            Is this the basis for the anti ginger thing? I don't get it. (I think red hair is gorgeous.)
            I assumed it was an old Irish vs. English prejudice.

  18. MissusBarry

    Good grief. I'd really love to not know a thing about any candidate's religious beliefs. It'd be so refreshing to be able to tell the difference between One-L stumping and a fucking tent revival. Financially supporting a candidate based soley on religious affiliation is nothing short of tragic, let alone doing so on a false assupmtion of that affiliation.

  19. inapewetrust

    so these people were just like, "hey, let me cut a check for that candidate with the 'mann' in her name who i've never seen or read anything about"? oy.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      I b'leev MishMash specified that she only wanted Christian girl children. I could be wrong on that, but if she didn't explicitly specify it, then she did so implicitly in offering said fosters a Christian home. I would certainly NOT place a Jewish foster-child in such a home.

      1. Geminisunmars

        My parents, cheap Jews that they were, sent my brother and me to a summer camp that was run by Xtian evangelists when he was 11 and I was 8. If they'd known how expensive it would be in the long run, the therapy bills are still growing, I'm sure they wouldn't have done it.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          Oy!

          But then again, if you want to send the kids to camp for the summer, where can you send them where they're not going to get a facefull of that verkakte? It's only recently that there have been camps for Jewish/atheist/agnostic/whatever kids. Unless you live in California.

          My deepest sympathies. FundyTaliban leaves pretty bad scars, I imagine.

  20. Mahousu

    The Bachmanns are goyim for the shanda.

    I don't know exactly what that means, but it sounded right.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Shonda fur die goyim. It means, roughly translated, that the person being referred to has shamed the entire Jewish community by living up to the goyische stereotypes of what a Jew is/should be. Eric Cantor is a classic example of a shonda fur die goyim. He shames the whole community by being mean, where the scriptures exhort observant Jews to be charitable, by being selfish when we are encouraged to give to those in need.

      1. Mahousu

        I hate to have to explain it, but flipping the expression around was my joke. The Bachmanns are the goyim, and, well, there's shame to spare here.

        1. Geminisunmars

          Hey hey (waving my hand up in the air) — I got it. Do I get extra points? I thought it was funny. But I'm glad Pantalones explained it, and got some licks in on Cantor, that piece of dreck.

        2. MichelesPantalones

          Sorry! I'm not used to conversing with people who actually know what anything means, having spent my formative years on HuffPo.

  21. Poindexter718

    Oy vey. What's a good GOP jew to do? A schvartser, a shiksa, a kauboy, a Papist, a Moroni-ist.
    Maybe the Frozen Chosen from Alaska gets in the race?

    1. MichelesPantalones

      If you haven't already read it, may I recommend Michael Chabon's The Yiddish Policeman's Union, for an exposition upon the Frozen Chosen?

  22. BTWBFDIMHO

    "We’re working very hard in the Jewish community because of Obama’s Israel problem".

    In other words, they tell everybody Obama is Muslim. Bravo!

  23. tihond

    Confused Phineas and Ferb fans have been donating their lunch money to Rick Perry, because they think only he can stop Doofenshmirtz.

  24. OurHoboSenator

    What's the big deal? I've been giving money to Sherrod Brown for years since Rush Limbaugh told me he was black.

    1. finallyhappy

      me! A co-worker gave some frozen lutefisk- it smelled bad enough that way but gefilte fish- true manna from heaven. However, I think it is part of a genetic mutation among a certain group of eastern european Jews that makes it palatable(that and fresh chrane)

    2. MichelesPantalones

      If you can't tell the difference between lutefisk and gefilte fish, you really, really, really NEED to see a doctor. Srsly.

  25. Pennywhistler

    Foist of all, senile Jewish GOP donors living in Florida retirement communities just do not have the ability to write "fat checks".

    Second, when they say "the Jewish candidate" they mean the candidate who is "good for the Jews" – not an actual Jew.

    Senile maybe, but stoopid they ain't.

    1. SorosBot

      ? How the hell would crazy-eyed, fundamentalist Christian Michele Bachmann be "good for the Jews"?

      1. prommie

        Oh, the crazy fundies Loooove Israel. Once the red calf is born there, the second coming follows soon thereafter. Its all about Jaysus returning, Israel plays an important role in their resentful revenge fantasies.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          Yes, but before all that shit happens, the Jews have to convert en masse to Christianity AND be killed. That part is not so good for the Jews, yes?

          1. prommie

            But that part is never going to happen, whereas the fundietards will protect Israel from the Ay-Rabs forever waiting for it, its win-win for Israel.

          2. MichelesPantalones

            I wouldn't count on that. They're only protecting Israelis from being killed *by Arabs,* because they want to do it themselves.Is my cynicism showing?

          3. zhubajie

            Once the Fundies lose hope in the Rapture, they are sure to blame the Jews. They shoulda rebuilt the Temple! etc. I've already met one Mississippi native who told me that Dispensationalism was a Zionist plot….

      2. Pennywhistler

        They may not be stupid, but they ARE senile. :=)

        People are entitled to think whatever they want … even Jews. Even retired Jews. Even Jews who retired to Florida.

        The point being that THAT is what the phrase "the Jewish candidate" means in that context — NOT that anyone there thinks that pig of as duck actually IS Jewish.

  26. mumbly_joe

    Just to be clear, "Obama's Israel Problem" refers to the fact that many Israelis are as bigoted as Americans, if not moreso, and thus, many people in Israel are outraged -OUTRAGED- at Obama's stated Israel positions, which are simply restatements of the long-standing US positions on all issues, and are also largely identical to those of his predecessor, who was white, and didn't have a musliney name.

    1. finallyhappy

      I think the population in Israel is changing-many Israelis are Sephardic and even black- I agree there is still prejudice(but where isn't there predjudice- except in those homogenous countries where they claim to love everyone- just don't let them move here). Obama's Israel problem is that some people think he is not hardline enough on the Palestinian issue. The GOP -who love Israel only so Jews can die to bring the second coming- are promoting that Obama will let Israel be destroyed to bring about a Palestinian state- and of course, he is doing that because either he is a Muslim or has strong Muslim sympathies.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Seems to me all Christian sects and cults try to establish some sort of bona fides for themselves by claiming to be, in some way, affiliated with Jews. They steal the religious symbolism, even the religion itself, with their own additions and substitutions. Unfortunately, they don't actually care for the real actual Jews themselves, so they usually have some kind of belief that involves killing them all. I'd be nervous about associating with buggers that want me dead that bad.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I was doing some research on Queen Esther and went to Wiki. There, under the disambiguation it asked if I was looking for Queen Esther, the jazz singer, or what it meant in "Christianity"! That was the first and only time I've changed anything in Wiki.

        Phuck-heads.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          I think my brain just exploded.

          That's like being asked if you want the Muslim interpretation of Sin, God of the Moon.

  27. widget2011

    Jesus, although a JEW himself, absolutely HATES JEWS. Hitler knew this to be true, why can't WND accept that?

  28. poncho_pilot

    Jewish Bachmann vs. Muslim Romney. two zealots enter. one zealot leaves. holy war or GTFO.

  29. mereoblivion

    "You know who else got donations in the mistaken belief that s/he was Jewish?"
    Wonkette's Reply-engine (or whatever the f. it's called) won't let me Reply up thar (have we reached some sort of quota?) so I'm Replyin' down here:
    Jerry Lewis?

    1. widget2011

      The Day the Clown Cried………There's going to be Star Wars lottery tickets when that comes out.

  30. Tundra Grifter

    This reminds me of one of the clearest signs the dot.com boom was about to bomb.

    Brokerage houses reported folks were buying the wrong stocks. Speculators were purchasing stocks with ticker symbols one letter-off from the famous issues.

    When those errors are being made, it's time to go to cash and head for the hills.

  31. widget2011

    You see folks, that is what's so fucked up about America. I dare any one of you to run as an athiest………good luck!

    "Only In America" (as double murderer Don King sez) do you have to be a superstitious nutbag to get elected.

    1. Steverino247

      They also have a strong dislike for Mormons calling themselves the Lost Tribe of Israel and referring to non-Mormons as "gentiles."

  32. elburritodeluxe

    Well she IS Jewish, in that she believes that all Jews must be converted to another religion and that they must rebuild the Temple destroyed 1900 years ago so it can be destroyed again in the end times. That kind of Jewish.

  33. ProudLibunatic

    This is the kind of "subtle" slur I would expect from Willard "baptize holocaust victims" Romney.
    You can imply that ol' Crazy Eyes is Jewish, but one fact, (that will never change), is that you're a Mormon…and that is worse than being Jewish to some of these morons.

  34. thefrontpage

    Is it really true that Marcus Bachmann's Alternate Psychology Center tries to "cure" people from being Jewish?!

  35. thefrontpage

    News Flash: Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are really Jewish, too! They're all Jewish, I'm telling you, already!

  36. Fawkdifiknow

    Old Jewish wimmens have a soft spot for anybody married to a doctor. Marcus Bachmann is that kind of doctor, isn't he?

  37. glamourdammerung

    Everyone knows that Bachmann hung out with Taitz just to score some painkillers and a prescription pad or two.

  38. 102415

    Oddly, yesterday morning I asked a right wing observant Jewish man who I've known for many years who he was supporting for President . And after the yelling on his part and the snickering and eye rolling on my part settled down it turns out that Bachmann is crazy, Ron Paul is out of the question, Sarah will not run this time( he has a hard time admitting she is stupid though) and he likes Mittens and wishes Christie would run. He has had it with the praying to God for this and that business. Perry? He thinks something or other along the *Texas is doing just fine!* line but I showed him where that was bullshit and the prayathon offended him. Mostly he claimed it was too early and he really wants Romney. Just one guy, but still…

  39. ttommyunger

    Hey, I've got kind of a Jewey name, why don't those motherfuckers send me some money? Jew libel indeed!

  40. MichelesPantalones

    Not unless … well, you know what happened the last time.

    Although he'll probably have to fight Palin to get her iron grip off his cross.

Comments are closed.