NEEDZ MOAR CONFUSION  1:45 pm August 30, 2011

NYPost: Confused Jewish GOP Donors Think Michele Bachmann Is A Jew

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

orly taitz converting michele bachmann to judaism?Corrupt goon Rupert Murdoch’s Florida retirement community gossip rag The New York Post has some hottt new rumor skull-hacked from the brains of a mysterious gaggle of senile Jewish GOP donors claiming that these sorely confused purse holders are mistakenly sending fat checks to Michele Bachmann’s campaign under the impression that she is “the Jewish candidate.” Wait till Michele’s Jesus hears about this!? We are guessing these donors spotted Michele’s mangled attempt at the word “chutzpah” on the retirement home’s 24-hour Fox News Channel beam, otherwise there is no possible explanation besides “this is made up.” Sure, the article cites one anonymous crabby Mitt Romney fundraiser as the source of the rumor, but who can trust Mitt Romney’s people? Oh, uh, apparently because this fundraiser believes the Jewish GOP dollars rightfully belong to mystery-religion Mittens.

SO SALACIOUS:

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is facing a new challenge: He’s having trouble raising money from some Jewish donors who mistakenly believe one of his opponents, Michele Bachmann, is Jewish.

Some Jewish donors are telling fund-raisers for Romney, a Mormon, that while they like him, they’d rather open their wallets for the “Jewish candidate,” who they don’t realize is actually a Lutheran, The Post has learned.

“It’s a real problem,” one Romney fund-raiser said. “We’re working very hard in the Jewish community because of Obama’s Israel problem. This was surprising.”

The NYPost also has a service tip for Jewish GOP donors who need to get a clue by pointing out Michele Bachmann “doesn’t look Jewish,” or human, or lizard, or vegetable, or whatever. [NYPost]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 266 comments }

tihond August 30, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Joe Lieberman had a similar issue, except it was donors who thought he was a Democrat.

nounverb911 August 30, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Such a Meshugass!

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Bless you!

mrpuma2u August 30, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Oy gevalt!

Rosie_Scenario August 30, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Are these some of the senile FL voters who voted for Buchanan instead of Gore in 2000?

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

They heard Al Goy instead of Al Gore, so they thought he was Arab.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm

A goyische Arab? ??

How the fuck does that work?

Pennywhistler August 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Nope. They have nearly all died after 11 years.

iburl August 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm

They thought he was Buchaman, you know, Jewish like LieberMAN or SpeilMAN or BachMANN or SpiderMAN

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Cardinal Spellman had 'em fooled for years.

BornInATrailer August 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

And the suffering of a people continues.

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Unabated, at that.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Marcus—clipped/not clipped?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

The one thing we know for sure is that Michele doesn't know.

bagofmice August 30, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Kortney prefers her vegetables uncut, so who knows?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Once you've had uncut … oh, no, wait, that's urban.

Flat_Earther August 30, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Ask his boyfriend(s)…

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Does it really matter, he doesn't use it anyway, he's your backdoor man.

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 1:49 am

Ribbed, for his pleasure.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Once again, it is all the Jews fault.

Pennywhistler August 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Signed, Morty.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Look, when the Almighty told y'all you were the Chosen People, didja ever ask him, "Chosen for WHAT?" No. You didn't.

So, is it his fault he didn't tell ya?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

You know who else got donations in the mistaken belief that s/he was Jewish?

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm

HItler?

BornInATrailer August 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Any number of people during a blood drive by The American Red Star?

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Penny Marshall?

tcaalaw August 30, 2011 at 5:55 pm

You just changed my entire world view with that piece of information.

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Ahnold?

SexySmurf August 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Jack Abramoff?

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Bernie Madoff?

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Madonna?

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Obama?

finallyhappy August 30, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Baruch Hayim Obamowitz- his father changed his name so he would 'fit in"

LettucePrey August 30, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Joy Behar?

BornInATrailer August 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Brother Levi Hershberger, owner and proprietor of Hershberger Sperm Bank in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2011 at 2:21 pm

You speak from personal knowledge?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Michael Dukakis?

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Whoopi Goldberg?

Radiotherapy® August 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Jesus?

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Kathi Lee Gifford?

(Actually, she was, growing up, before she found Jesus.)

musesdarling August 30, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Where was he?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Probably somewhere among the couch cushions, along with the remote, some change, and a few old potato crisps or whatever they're called.

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Probably under the a couch cushion. That's where I find most of my stuff.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2011 at 5:49 pm

You think she'd ask, "What are you doing here?"

I mean, really, what do YOU do when you find a bearded guy hiding under your sofa cushions?

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 1:52 am

Probably at the bottom of a wine bottle. That's where most born-again's find him.

LionHeartSoyDog August 30, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Do you know who else was Lutheran?

Also Hitleresque: chutzpah pronounced "shoot spaz."

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm

No way this is Hitler. I'm going with Roosevelt.

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm

David Lee Roth?

horsedreamer_1 August 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Lies!

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Joe Lieberman?

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 1:50 am

Joy Behar?

baconzgood August 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

" I didn't hear that (Michele Bachmann was an ultra Christian nut bag with a boner for Jebus while pissing on everything he'd ever taught) because I've been living in a cave, on Mars, with my eyes shut and my ears plugged"

-Cecil Terwilliger-

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

"The NYPost also has a service tip for Jewish GOP donors who need to get a clue by pointing out Michele Bachmann doesn’t look Jewish, "

She doesn't?

James Michael Curley August 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Of course she looks jewish. She got crossed eyed looking down her obviously semantic nose at everyone else.

emmelemm August 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Semantic?

comrad_darkness August 30, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Someone would like to refudiate that, I'm sure.

James Michael Curley August 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Too much OxyContin

emmelemm August 30, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Any you can share?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm

I provide the Photoshop, you decide.

Lascauxcaveman August 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I always kinda got a Rhoda-Morgenstern-Minnesota-Jew vibe from her, only with a lot less funny and a lot more crazy.

emmelemm August 30, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Yes!! I see where you're coming from.

ShaveTheWhales August 30, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Well, she doesn't look human, so that's a bad start.

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

“We’re working very hard in the Jewish community…"

Hey Mitt, like most communities you should probably do more "talking to" and less "working on". Being an honest fellow would do much more than being a scheming slime bag… but you are a Repugnant so…

weejee August 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

“We’re working very hard in the Jewish community…"

Perhaps if they stopped playing with themselves they'd have more success?

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm

"“We’re working very hard in the Jewish community…"

A new feature film starring Fifi 'Bubbles' Goldstein???

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Um, Mitt? Dropping the word "Israel" as an occasional non sequitur does not constitute "working hard in the Jewish community."

edgydrifter August 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

And they probably send money to Marcus' "clinic" because they think he's straight.

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm

They send money to Marcus' clinic because, you know, better goy than gay.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm

They send money to that great big feygalah because he reminds them so much of that nice boy, Liberace.

Edited to add: Every mother should only have such a son. Oy!

Crank_Tango August 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Bachmann is just German for Buchanan, duh.

NorthStarSpanx August 30, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Michele Bachmann née Amble. . .sure, it sounds Jewish enough the way Yellow Cake in Iran means nuclear capabilities.

LesBontemps August 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Jewish GOP donors? Both of them?

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Katie…

Sue4466 August 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Bachmann's a Lutheran? I SO cannot wait to hear the Bachmann news from Lake Wobegon.

widestanceshakedown August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Except she's not strong (I mean, come on, migraines. . .weak and un-American), good-looking (outside of the GOP hive), and far from above average (even in the GOP hive).

BornInATrailer August 30, 2011 at 2:02 pm

"Brought to you by Marcus's Pretty Good Clinic. If you can't pray it away at Marcus's, you can probably get along with it."

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Where all the men are uh…

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Ewww. The thought of M Bachmann being thought of as Jewish is almost as icky as Santorum.

weejee August 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

almost as icky as Santorum.

And santorum, too, also.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:07 pm

If she were Jewish, she'd be a shonda fur die Goyim.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Fercockta, that's for sure.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm

I love Yiddish, it's a language that lends itself to a certain crabby, curmudgeonly depth of expression. I wish it wasn't disappearing, hardly anyone speaks it anymore except the alterkackers.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Now, that's a shanda.

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

That's funny, she doesn't look Shrewish.

mog253 August 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Actually, she does.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:08 pm

YOU LIE!!!

She looks VERY soricid.

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 1:54 am

Hebrew Libel!

Goonemeritus August 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

The GOP will field a Jewish candidate for President only after he has converted to Christianity and then they will still not vote for him.

WhatTheHolyHeck August 30, 2011 at 2:51 pm

The response would make that White House watermelon patch image look like a respectful homage by comparison.

ProudLibunatic August 30, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Yeah, Herman Cain is all they can handle at the moment.
(One token at a time…)

WhatTheHeck August 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Maybe it's because she's acting like a princess that's confusing them.

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Now, I have Jewish Princess by Zappa in the back of my brain.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm

A grinder, a bumper
With a premoistened dumper …

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 2:15 pm

She's making reservations for dinner????

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Her favorite wine is "PUHLEEEEASE!"?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm

And her idea of foreplay is two hours of begging.

GunToting[Redacted] August 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm

But A Prairie Home Companion has led us to believe that all Lutherans are nice, pleasant people. Tell me the fat man in the red sneakers isn't a liar!

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Well, Luther was one of the biggest ass-holes of the last 500 years.

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm

So the Gopers have a Lutheran, two Mormons, several Baptists, who else? Oh, what about that Methodist from Alaska, is she running?

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Methodist? Snowbilly is a pentecostal. As a United Methodist myself, it was tough enough to carry a cross made up of George Bush's and Dick Cheney's nominal Methodism.

Oh, meth-odist. Haha. Never mind. (In my best Gilda Radnor imitation.)

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I see what you did there. B'leev that's her almost-son-in-law's mother, though. Sarah's a "shrieking-in-tongues" kinda gal.

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm

All are Morans……However Rick Perry believes he's Jebus, unfortunatly, his dad won't even give him a piss trickle in Texas.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Just goes to show that Daddy knows him better'n the rest of us.

nappyduggs August 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Michele Bachmann a jewess? Mention B'nai B'rith and she'll respond by saying that "God will bring that little beauty queen's killer to justice one day."

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Somehow I find it hard to believe that anyone who is involved enough in politics to be donating to primary candidates this early in the campaign could have somehow failed to notice Bachmann's constant references to Jesus; but the NY Post is such a trustworthy paper…

KeepFnThatChicken August 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Wow, Orly Taitz sure has her Coffee Talk with Linda Richman appearance down pat!

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm

I was beginning to think I was the only one who noticed that was Oily Taints.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Huh-unh! I noticed too. I was just wondering whether Oilushka had her stilts on or wut. Michele looks like a dwarf next to her.

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm

The mind coming through…

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Dood, you so better be referring to MishMash's mind, or what passes therefor.

Just kidding. Not that Oily is a mental giant or anything, but I guess, by comparison … I mean, at least Oily has an excuse, she's a Russian (or Latvian or Lubavitcher, or whatever the fuck she is).

EatsBabyDingos August 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Superman is worried about Lex Luthorjew.

Angry_Marmot August 30, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Superman's Jewish as it gets. Space Moses, and all that.

baconzgood August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

OY VEY!!!!!!!!

freakishlywrong August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

"because of Obama’s Israel problem.". That's funny. They say that as though it's empirical fact. The little Jewish ladies in the Miami and the Palm beach; they love the Schvartze.

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm

The Republicans have long thought that if they just support Israeli apartheid strongly enough, they should be able to win the Jewish vote from the Democrats, who sometimes will say to the Israeli government, "You know, maybe you should try massacring a few less Palestinians and maybe even try talking to them sometimes."

They don't seem to understand that most Jewish Americans are not single-issue voters like Joe Lieberman who will vote with a party they disagree with on most issues and has made it clear they hate non-Christians, and in fact many unlike Joe again do not reflexively support the Israeli government in everything it does, no matter how horrible.

GOPCrusher August 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Didn't realize the Obama had an Israel problem. Is NOT nuking Iran just because, considered a "problem"?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Lucky guess.

LesBontemps August 30, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Sarah Silverman and The Great Schlep turned it around: http://www.thegreatschlep.com/

Come here a minute August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Michele is also raking in donations from classic rock fans who are under the impression that she is the drummer on "Takin' Care of Business" and "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet".

Steverino247 August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Look at the bright side. How depressing this must be for Romney. His staff are busting ass trying to raise money and voter interest for him, only to find out they're giving money to somebody who's not a member of the Lost Tribe like Mitt thinks he is.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Yeah, well, there's a reason they didn't bother to go looking for that particular lost tribe.

OC_Surf_Serf August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm

That there are any donors that actually see her qualified to be President scares the schnitzel outta me…

MiniMencken August 30, 2011 at 2:02 pm

A shonda für die Goyim.

Limeylizzie August 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm

If you can sing in Ladino I claim you as my dreamboat.

MiniMencken August 30, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Liz, I can't sing in any language, but I can prepare some tasty Ladino dishes.

Limeylizzie August 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z16m3Pdcv0&fe

Sexiest music in the world. I have an utter fascination with the Ladino language after hearing it spoken, it is so beautiful.

Rosie_Scenario August 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I think that I heard/ read that Richard Wolffe, MSNBC commenter, is fluent in Ladino.

WhatTheHolyHeck August 30, 2011 at 2:56 pm

YO M'ENAMORI D'UN AIRE, baby. And I have a rendition of Ocho Kandelikas that will knock your socks off and right into the laundry.

finallyhappy August 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm

So are you Flory's grandson?

Limeylizzie August 30, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Oh boy!

LesBontemps August 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Gevalt!

Angry_Marmot August 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm

I thought Joe Lieberman was a shonda für die Goyim.

MiniMencken August 31, 2011 at 1:42 am

He is.

bagofmice August 30, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Hey now. Kortney has a deep and penetrating respect for the vegetable-american community!

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Michele's a Lutheran? Can we just nail her to the door of Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany, and have done with her?

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Repeat Luther's opinion that God gave women big behinds as a sign they should stay home and sit on them!

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

And then Bachmann waved a stack of coupons, for half priced ham at the senile Jewish people:

Y'all like to save money, right?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I wouldn't put it past her. Where do we get these shrieking idiots? Cab drivers in little towns in Asia know more about world politics than these putzes.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Hmmm — blaming the Jews by saying their ignorance was causing them to do terrible things — sounds kinda cribbed from the Book of Mormon.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Holy shit. That is … does the Jewish community know that the Book of Mormon contains such hateful rants?

Thanks for the link. I'll see what I can do to help Mitt win the Jewish vote.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I'm sure some folks know. I was damn surprised when I started reading my free copy though. It's soooo boring though, and soooo badly written, that it could be filled with all manner of lunacy that nobody's been able to get to, though.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Not to pry, or anything, but how did you get a free copy? I'd hate to give a penny to the Mormons, who already have bucketfuls more than I, but I'd also like to read that thang. Did you write Mittens and promise to vote for him? Hmm?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Oh, the Mormons pass that thing out like it was candy. One of 'em called me once and asked (after a while) if I'd at the very least be interested in receiving a copy, and I said sure. I was told how much wisdom and important lessons it contained, and so when it came in the mail, I opened it right up — and it starts right in with The Jews persecuting Nehi and his family right after the crucifixion, so you know it was totally historically accurate.

Anyway, skip to any page and it's nothing but bland writing, patently ridiculous accounts of travels to wherever, sermons about who-knows-what — it's like a bad imitation of the cadence and language of the Bible but entirely without that horrible book's occasional glimmers of humanity.

horsedreamer_1 August 30, 2011 at 7:02 pm

I ordered mine, under an assumed name, from an ad that was running during Hardball for the entire summer of 2001. Then, a year or so later, my mother got six or so calls looking to schedule an appointment with the person "Norman Dukes". They were very polite, but insistent, even as my mother indicated nobody by that name lived at hers and my stepfather's house. And me? At the time, I was in Romania. In a town with two other resident Americans: Mormon missionaries. Sadly, I never went to them and said, "So, I hear your brethren in Milwaukee are looking for me…"

owhatever August 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Jews: Send more money, but you are going to hell anyway.
Your friends in Christ,
Michelle and Mitt

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2011 at 6:03 pm

No planet for you!

Gorillionaire August 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm

The NYPost has tapped the wrong phones.

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

As a Murdoch paper, the NY Post should know exactly what was said in every phone call made by each Presidential campaign.

Limeylizzie August 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I bet a lot of Jews just think she is a shitske.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Hee.

Limeylizzie August 30, 2011 at 4:33 pm
MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Oh, noes! Now I has a heartbreak.

Poor little fellow. Here's hoping he comes home safe.

Thanks for letting me know, sisterfriend.

Limeylizzie August 30, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Orange cats are just special needs cats, they can't be left alone in a cargo hold!

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Perhaps Jack is one of those cats with two families….

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Or a chancre.

MissusBarry August 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Good grief. I'd really love to not know a thing about any candidate's religious beliefs. It'd be so refreshing to be able to tell the difference between One-L stumping and a fucking tent revival. Financially supporting a candidate based soley on religious affiliation is nothing short of tragic, let alone doing so on a false assupmtion of that affiliation.

proudgrampa August 30, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Oy. (The Jewish "WTF?")

Funny. She doesn't even look Jewish.

ManchuCandidate August 30, 2011 at 2:10 pm

I'm shocked that color blind, always tolerant GOPers would play the identity politics card.

inapewetrust August 30, 2011 at 2:11 pm

so these people were just like, "hey, let me cut a check for that candidate with the 'mann' in her name who i've never seen or read anything about"? oy.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Nu? What are they supposed to do, ask?

ShaveTheWhales August 30, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Gevalt.

CapeClod August 30, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Maybe one of her foster kids is Jewish. I mean, given the law of averages and all..

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I b'leev MishMash specified that she only wanted Christian girl children. I could be wrong on that, but if she didn't explicitly specify it, then she did so implicitly in offering said fosters a Christian home. I would certainly NOT place a Jewish foster-child in such a home.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 4:43 pm

My parents, cheap Jews that they were, sent my brother and me to a summer camp that was run by Xtian evangelists when he was 11 and I was 8. If they'd known how expensive it would be in the long run, the therapy bills are still growing, I'm sure they wouldn't have done it.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Oy!

But then again, if you want to send the kids to camp for the summer, where can you send them where they're not going to get a facefull of that verkakte? It's only recently that there have been camps for Jewish/atheist/agnostic/whatever kids. Unless you live in California.

My deepest sympathies. FundyTaliban leaves pretty bad scars, I imagine.

Pennywhistler August 30, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Actually, the various Ramah camps have been going for 51 years.

This particular secular Jewish summer camp started in 1959. http://www.forward.com/articles/108421/

Socialist Zionist camps have been going since the 1920s. See http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Stages/

Porter Melmoth August 30, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I don't ever remember seeing MeeShill around my local shtetl, but I do know that she is from BEYOND THE PALE.

Mahousu August 30, 2011 at 2:13 pm

The Bachmanns are goyim for the shanda.

I don't know exactly what that means, but it sounded right.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Shonda fur die goyim. It means, roughly translated, that the person being referred to has shamed the entire Jewish community by living up to the goyische stereotypes of what a Jew is/should be. Eric Cantor is a classic example of a shonda fur die goyim. He shames the whole community by being mean, where the scriptures exhort observant Jews to be charitable, by being selfish when we are encouraged to give to those in need.

Mahousu August 30, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I hate to have to explain it, but flipping the expression around was my joke. The Bachmanns are the goyim, and, well, there's shame to spare here.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Hey hey (waving my hand up in the air) — I got it. Do I get extra points? I thought it was funny. But I'm glad Pantalones explained it, and got some licks in on Cantor, that piece of dreck.

LesBontemps August 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm

The technical term is "mamzer."

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Sorry! I'm not used to conversing with people who actually know what anything means, having spent my formative years on HuffPo.

Porter Melmoth August 30, 2011 at 2:15 pm

It is also possible that MeeShill IS A DYBBUK. Proceed with extreme caution.

LesBontemps August 30, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Most reasonable explanation yet.

ShaveTheWhales August 30, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Actually, I think she's a DUCK.

Poindexter718 August 30, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Oy vey. What's a good GOP jew to do? A schvartser, a shiksa, a kauboy, a Papist, a Moroni-ist.
Maybe the Frozen Chosen from Alaska gets in the race?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm

If you haven't already read it, may I recommend Michael Chabon's The Yiddish Policeman's Union, for an exposition upon the Frozen Chosen?

ShaveTheWhales August 30, 2011 at 11:59 pm

OT, Great book.

LettucePrey August 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Roses are reddish,
Violets are bluish,
If it wasn’t for Jesus,
We’d all be Jewish.

prommie August 30, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Or Odin-ish or Jupiter-ish.

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 2:19 pm

"We’re working very hard in the Jewish community because of Obama’s Israel problem".

In other words, they tell everybody Obama is Muslim. Bravo!

tihond August 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Confused Phineas and Ferb fans have been donating their lunch money to Rick Perry, because they think only he can stop Doofenshmirtz.

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm

What's the big deal? I've been giving money to Sherrod Brown for years since Rush Limbaugh told me he was black.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I thought he was Brown.

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Thanks!

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm

"Obama’s Israel problem"?
No problem! Let the Israelis watch Black & Jewish .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TXNU1nh4E4

LiveToServeYa August 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Lutefisk, gefilte fish, who can tell the difference?

finallyhappy August 30, 2011 at 3:09 pm

me! A co-worker gave some frozen lutefisk- it smelled bad enough that way but gefilte fish- true manna from heaven. However, I think it is part of a genetic mutation among a certain group of eastern european Jews that makes it palatable(that and fresh chrane)

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Ya got me salivating now.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm

If you can't tell the difference between lutefisk and gefilte fish, you really, really, really NEED to see a doctor. Srsly.

ShaveTheWhales August 31, 2011 at 12:00 am

Shit, i'm 3/4 Norsk, and I can tell the difference from a thousand yards.

Pennywhistler August 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Foist of all, senile Jewish GOP donors living in Florida retirement communities just do not have the ability to write "fat checks".

Second, when they say "the Jewish candidate" they mean the candidate who is "good for the Jews" – not an actual Jew.

Senile maybe, but stoopid they ain't.

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 2:47 pm

? How the hell would crazy-eyed, fundamentalist Christian Michele Bachmann be "good for the Jews"?

prommie August 30, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Oh, the crazy fundies Loooove Israel. Once the red calf is born there, the second coming follows soon thereafter. Its all about Jaysus returning, Israel plays an important role in their resentful revenge fantasies.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Yes, but before all that shit happens, the Jews have to convert en masse to Christianity AND be killed. That part is not so good for the Jews, yes?

prommie August 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm

But that part is never going to happen, whereas the fundietards will protect Israel from the Ay-Rabs forever waiting for it, its win-win for Israel.

Pennywhistler August 30, 2011 at 7:43 pm

They may not be stupid, but they ARE senile. :=)

People are entitled to think whatever they want … even Jews. Even retired Jews. Even Jews who retired to Florida.

The point being that THAT is what the phrase "the Jewish candidate" means in that context — NOT that anyone there thinks that pig of as duck actually IS Jewish.

genxr August 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Two can play this game. How can I get the AARP behind my "Reelect Sammy Davis Jr" campaign?

mumbly_joe August 30, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Just to be clear, "Obama's Israel Problem" refers to the fact that many Israelis are as bigoted as Americans, if not moreso, and thus, many people in Israel are outraged -OUTRAGED- at Obama's stated Israel positions, which are simply restatements of the long-standing US positions on all issues, and are also largely identical to those of his predecessor, who was white, and didn't have a musliney name.

ProudLibunatic August 30, 2011 at 3:15 pm

All you have to do is look at the treatment of Russian vs. Ethiopian Jews.

finallyhappy August 30, 2011 at 3:15 pm

I think the population in Israel is changing-many Israelis are Sephardic and even black- I agree there is still prejudice(but where isn't there predjudice- except in those homogenous countries where they claim to love everyone- just don't let them move here). Obama's Israel problem is that some people think he is not hardline enough on the Palestinian issue. The GOP -who love Israel only so Jews can die to bring the second coming- are promoting that Obama will let Israel be destroyed to bring about a Palestinian state- and of course, he is doing that because either he is a Muslim or has strong Muslim sympathies.

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 2:10 am

Yeah, it's becoming more Russian, and that's not a good thing.

mumbly_joe August 30, 2011 at 2:53 pm

To be fair, crazy-eyes Shely also thinks she's jewish, somehow.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Seems to me all Christian sects and cults try to establish some sort of bona fides for themselves by claiming to be, in some way, affiliated with Jews. They steal the religious symbolism, even the religion itself, with their own additions and substitutions. Unfortunately, they don't actually care for the real actual Jews themselves, so they usually have some kind of belief that involves killing them all. I'd be nervous about associating with buggers that want me dead that bad.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I was doing some research on Queen Esther and went to Wiki. There, under the disambiguation it asked if I was looking for Queen Esther, the jazz singer, or what it meant in "Christianity"! That was the first and only time I've changed anything in Wiki.

Phuck-heads.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I think my brain just exploded.

That's like being asked if you want the Muslim interpretation of Sin, God of the Moon.

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Even the earliest Xtns claimed to be the "True Israel."

Guppy06 August 30, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Obama's "Israel problem" is that he's not bombing the fuck out of the West Bank and Gaza.

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Jesus, although a JEW himself, absolutely HATES JEWS. Hitler knew this to be true, why can't WND accept that?

Guppy06 August 30, 2011 at 2:58 pm

OK, now I'm confused. What kind of libel is this?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Mudblood libel, of course.

MissTaken August 30, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Bagel Libel?

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Kosher libel.

poncho_pilot August 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Jewish Bachmann vs. Muslim Romney. two zealots enter. one zealot leaves. holy war or GTFO.

mereoblivion August 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm

"You know who else got donations in the mistaken belief that s/he was Jewish?"
Wonkette's Reply-engine (or whatever the f. it's called) won't let me Reply up thar (have we reached some sort of quota?) so I'm Replyin' down here:
Jerry Lewis?

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm

The Day the Clown Cried………There's going to be Star Wars lottery tickets when that comes out.

baconzgood August 30, 2011 at 3:16 pm

That photo has more cunts in it than a issue of Swank!

pdiddycornchips August 30, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Forgive the olds. They think Michelle is running for President of Del Boca Vista.

genxr August 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm

She could sweeten the pot if she got everyone tip calculators.

MissTaken August 30, 2011 at 3:58 pm

or those astronaut pens that write upside-down

Flat_Earther August 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm

It’s time for a Jews for Jesus fund raiser.

Tundra Grifter August 30, 2011 at 3:41 pm

This reminds me of one of the clearest signs the dot.com boom was about to bomb.

Brokerage houses reported folks were buying the wrong stocks. Speculators were purchasing stocks with ticker symbols one letter-off from the famous issues.

When those errors are being made, it's time to go to cash and head for the hills.

genxr August 30, 2011 at 3:50 pm

That reminds me. I should check on how my cramazon, mapple, boogle stock is doing.

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Yahooka is doing well these days…

BornInATrailer August 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I might as well have flushed the money I invested in BM.

Tundra Grifter August 30, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Hold on to that Webvan stock – it's just gotta come back up!

ProudLibunatic August 30, 2011 at 6:12 pm

My Mom once tried to get a gift certificate on amazom.com.

LesBontemps August 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Confused Jewish GOP Donors

That is all.

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 4:18 pm

You see folks, that is what's so fucked up about America. I dare any one of you to run as an athiest………good luck!

"Only In America" (as double murderer Don King sez) do you have to be a superstitious nutbag to get elected.

mavenmaven August 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm

The Mormons are particularly not loved in the Jewish community, they don't like door to door missionaries and posthumous conversions of holocaust victims. http://lipstadt.blogspot.com/2008/11/mormons-are-

Steverino247 August 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm

They also have a strong dislike for Mormons calling themselves the Lost Tribe of Israel and referring to non-Mormons as "gentiles."

elburritodeluxe August 30, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Well she IS Jewish, in that she believes that all Jews must be converted to another religion and that they must rebuild the Temple destroyed 1900 years ago so it can be destroyed again in the end times. That kind of Jewish.

Chet Kincaid August 30, 2011 at 4:52 pm

If Obama has an Israel problem, he should have a sit-down with his cousin-in-law:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capers_Funnye

Funny capers!

ProudLibunatic August 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm

This is the kind of "subtle" slur I would expect from Willard "baptize holocaust victims" Romney.
You can imply that ol' Crazy Eyes is Jewish, but one fact, (that will never change), is that you're a Mormon…and that is worse than being Jewish to some of these morons.

thefrontpage August 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Is it really true that Marcus Bachmann's Alternate Psychology Center tries to "cure" people from being Jewish?!

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Pray away the oy vey!

thefrontpage August 30, 2011 at 5:19 pm

News Flash: Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are really Jewish, too! They're all Jewish, I'm telling you, already!

Fawkdifiknow August 30, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Old Jewish wimmens have a soft spot for anybody married to a doctor. Marcus Bachmann is that kind of doctor, isn't he?

glamourdammerung August 30, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Everyone knows that Bachmann hung out with Taitz just to score some painkillers and a prescription pad or two.

buffalogal August 30, 2011 at 7:38 pm

That Orly Taitz person sure is a long drink of water.

rocktonsam August 30, 2011 at 10:17 pm

whats that joo word? mahsugar or something

lulzmonger August 31, 2011 at 12:51 am

Easy to see the confusion: Bachmann = Golem.

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 1:57 am

With a name like Bachmann, it's got to be Schmuckers.

102415 August 31, 2011 at 4:33 am

Oddly, yesterday morning I asked a right wing observant Jewish man who I've known for many years who he was supporting for President . And after the yelling on his part and the snickering and eye rolling on my part settled down it turns out that Bachmann is crazy, Ron Paul is out of the question, Sarah will not run this time( he has a hard time admitting she is stupid though) and he likes Mittens and wishes Christie would run. He has had it with the praying to God for this and that business. Perry? He thinks something or other along the *Texas is doing just fine!* line but I showed him where that was bullshit and the prayathon offended him. Mostly he claimed it was too early and he really wants Romney. Just one guy, but still…

ttommyunger September 1, 2011 at 7:16 am

Hey, I've got kind of a Jewey name, why don't those motherfuckers send me some money? Jew libel indeed!

Limeylizzie August 30, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Well, a lot more Sephardic Jews in Britain than in the US so that could well be true and would make his sexiness increase by quite a bit in my eyes.

finallyhappy August 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm

I know a Ladino singer but she is in her 80's- but maybe she has a grandson?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Not unless … well, you know what happened the last time.

Although he'll probably have to fight Palin to get her iron grip off his cross.

KeepFnThatChicken August 30, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Luckenbachtexas

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 4:28 pm

When I just saw the pic again I though,"Wait… they are both mental midgets."

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Moldy-ova.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:52 pm

True. But at least Oily speaks three languages pretty fluently. Michele can barely get by in one.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 5:15 pm

No, they can't. I would never do that to my silly gingers. They're too attached and affectionate (and paranoid, and, quite honestly, just plain stupid) to be allowed to suffer so. I don't know how you manage to travel with Neville (it's not often, is it?).

Lizzie, I have a confession: I copied Neville's photo from your Flickr stream. Just one. He is so very beautiful, and he looks, well, you know how he looks. And I wanted it for sentimental reasons, but didn't ask — I hope that's OK?

Jack has that "special needs cat" look too, doesn't he? What a beautiful creature. I insist on hoping that the Universe will help Jack find his way home. Are you still in NYC? With the foster-felines?

ProudLibunatic August 30, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Are orange cats some kind of genetic misfits? ( I'm a dog person, and I know nothing about cats.)
Is this the basis for the anti ginger thing? I don't get it. (I think red hair is gorgeous.)
I assumed it was an old Irish vs. English prejudice.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 5:25 pm

I wouldn't count on that. They're only protecting Israelis from being killed *by Arabs,* because they want to do it themselves.Is my cynicism showing?

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Once the Fundies lose hope in the Rapture, they are sure to blame the Jews. They shoulda rebuilt the Temple! etc. I've already met one Mississippi native who told me that Dispensationalism was a Zionist plot….

James Michael Curley August 30, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Meet me at 37th and O streets, right next to Rude's Restaurant Continental

Limeylizzie August 30, 2011 at 5:31 pm

I am flattered, as is Neville, that you have his photo, I know he looks so much like your boy, shockingly so , actually. Poor Jack the Cat is really exquisite looking, that lovely creamy-red coat is glorious, I also hope he finds his people. I am still in NYC with Barney and Trevor, the homeless ones, but may be going back to LA in a couple of weeks.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 5:45 pm

This is my email address: thepoliticalcat@gmail.com.

Any time you want to talk, I'm there. What happens to Barney and Trevor when you go back to your other home?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2011 at 5:57 pm

But she can twit in tongues!

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 6:30 pm

I'm probably assume it was me, until about five years ago.

Angry_Marmot August 30, 2011 at 7:11 pm

She keeps jumping into the foreground during the Deposition from the Cross.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Pity you didn't stay in touch with them. You could've emailed them the YouTube link to Book of Mormon's Hasa Diga Eebowai. That would've got them going.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 7:59 pm

ARGH! ZOMG!

Thank you. That was just beautiful. (dies laughing)

ShaveTheWhales August 30, 2011 at 11:53 pm

It is, of course, a straight rip-off of the OT, moved sideways an ocean, and with fewer (that is, zero) references to historically identifiable geography.

And, yes, I've read the whole thing. Confuses the shit out of missionaries.

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