GRIFTER FARM TEAM  11:08 am August 30, 2011

Five Brave Souls Attend Christine O’Donnell Book Signing In Florida

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

maybe try a spot with the community grifter's little league?Nimrod second-tier grifter Christine O’Donnell is trying desperately to sell her dumb book about how to knit homemade dildos Xtine’s Tea Party expertise, which ranks somewhere below the sequence of random numbers and letters in a license plate database for its contribution to policy. A crowd of four teabaggers showed up to her book signing in Naples, Florida to meet her, plus one guy who asked her to sign a copy of his devil worship handbook, which she refused to do. (Haha, we like this guy.) 2012 preseason grifter tryouts are coming to a close, and we don’t see her making the cut. Maybe it’s time to just go back to selling vibrators and sorcery manuals on Amazon, Christine?

From the Florida News-Press:

O’Donnell took the turnout of five people — members of the media outnumbered customers — at Barnes & Noble in stride.

“God bless you, Tom,” she told Tom Bruzzesi of Fort Myers, who said he’s launching his own presidential campaign.

“I like her,” Bruzzesi said. “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”

“Thank you for coming out today,” O’Donnell said to Louise Campo of Naples.

“She interests me. She’s very conservative,” Campo said.

O’Donnell, a Christian, then politely turned down a request from a young man who asked her to sign his book on demonology instead of a copy of her book.

Christine is supposedly also slated to perform at one of Sarah Palin’s Tea Party circle jerks in Iowa, but, uh, this guy on Twitter reports that organizers say that was all just a big mistake because even Sarah Palin fans somehow cannot tolerate this weirdo. Back to the minor leagues, amateur! [Florida News-Press]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 200 comments }

ifthethunderdontgetya August 30, 2011 at 11:12 am

I don't know, Kirsten.

I'm guessing Xtine knows more about teabagging than she lets on.
~

genxr August 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Still technically a virgin…

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Not according to her neighbours who say she's been raising the roof ever since she met Puddin'Cup.

genxr August 30, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Good lord, that's an image I didn't need. I hope he at least wears a pith helmet.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 6:16 pm

You don't lisp, by any chance, do you?

Jughead2130 August 30, 2011 at 11:12 am

Who is she again?

iburl August 30, 2011 at 12:58 pm

On Samantha's father's side of the family is her far-out, egocentric lookalike cousin Christine. Christine is the antithesis of Samantha, in most episodes sporting a beauty mark on her cheek, raven-black cropped hair, and mod mini-skirts. Ever mischievous, Christine often chases after Darrin and Larry Tate (calling the white-haired Tate "Cotton-Top"), just for sport. More progressive than typical witches or warlocks, who generally abhor mortals, Samantha's counter-culture cousin occasionally dates some (including characters played by Jack Cassidy and Peter Lawford). Despite her wild behavior and frequent co-plotting with Endora, Christine ultimately supports Samantha and Darrin, even though she finds them both a bit "square."

AJWjr. August 30, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Cotton Top, or Cotton Mather?

ShaveTheWhales August 30, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Jack Cassidy had a guest gig on Bewitched?

memzilla August 30, 2011 at 11:13 am

What could be sadder than a Sarah Palin wannabe? A failed Sarah Palin wannabe.

MissusBarry August 30, 2011 at 11:19 am

Doesn't being a Sarah Palin wannabe, by its very nature, involve tons o' fail?

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 11:45 am

It means one as a failure at life, for a start.

genxr August 30, 2011 at 12:25 pm

"Failing to Fail. Memoir of a Palin Wannabe."

freakishlywrong August 30, 2011 at 11:20 am

I don't know about failed. All those campaign donations sure have been paying the rent.

memzilla August 30, 2011 at 11:23 am

Xtine's munniez are too small…. unlike Sarah "Continental Grift" Palin.

Negropolis August 30, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Sarah grifts for luxeries. Christine is literally grifting to survive. That's failed grifiting in my book.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2011 at 11:45 am

Did she quit something yet?

GOPCrusher August 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

She quit being a witch.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 30, 2011 at 11:14 am

a young man who asked her to sign his book on demonology

O.K. which one of you Wonketteers from America's wang was it?
~

genxr August 30, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Nah, a wonketteer would have brought a book on hedge trimming.

Terry August 30, 2011 at 12:47 pm

and a set of TruckNutz as a gift.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2011 at 11:14 am

“She interests me. She’s very conservative, and a hairy bush is a real turn-on for me,” Campo said.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 30, 2011 at 11:16 am

Rule 34.
~

Chillwaver August 30, 2011 at 11:33 am

As they say in Mexico, if there is grass on the campo, play ball…

Flat_Earther August 30, 2011 at 12:45 pm

God gave her that big bush. I gather it speaks to you like Moses.

capnhuggyface August 30, 2011 at 11:15 am

nice picture Jim Anchower

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2011 at 11:32 am

The resemblance is uncanny. Almost like it was on purpose.

PuckStopsHere August 30, 2011 at 12:02 pm

It's been a long time since Jim's rapped at us, but I'm sure he's knee-deep in the hoopla…

subsum August 30, 2011 at 11:15 am

I'd hit that.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2011 at 11:17 am

With a shovel, pickaxe, or 9-iron?

SexySmurf August 30, 2011 at 11:19 am

Weed Whacker?

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 11:19 am

All of 'em, Katie!

PuckStopsHere August 30, 2011 at 12:03 pm

How far are you from the green?

CapnFatback August 30, 2011 at 11:55 am

It appears that you already have.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I'm sure you would. Just remember to keep within the technical limits of "assault and battery."

Negropolis August 30, 2011 at 11:43 pm

I wouldn't hit that bitch with a 10-point Rasumussen poll.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2011 at 11:16 am

O'Donnell:Palin::Herman's Hermits:Beatles

Arken August 30, 2011 at 11:25 am

McCain considers Palin to be more of a Yoko.

Bonzos_Bed_Time August 30, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Why do you hate the Beatles?

metamarcisf August 30, 2011 at 11:16 am

I agree with her. Evolution is a myth. Why aren't people still evolving into witches?

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2011 at 11:16 am

Organizer 2: "We received emails from a lot of folks that were very disappointed that she would be speaking… we decided to not have her.

MEOW. Jesus H., Palinistas. Catty jealous bitches much?

Sue4466 August 30, 2011 at 11:26 am

So why doesn't this same email democracy rule make Sarah go away?

fuflans August 30, 2011 at 11:36 am

disappointed why? she'd declass a palin appearance?

Lascauxcaveman August 30, 2011 at 12:20 pm

The dis-invitation of Xtine by the Sarah camp is all about fundamental differences between the two in some very important national policy points.

Sara suspects Xtine may be younger and prettier than her.

Terry August 30, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Bristol suspects that Xtine may be prettier than her, too.

AJWjr. August 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Face it: Brisket in a gorilla suit is prettier than without.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Grizzly see, Grizzly do.

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 11:16 am

Tom Bruzzesi 2012… "Not As Bad As Most Repugnants!"

Come here a minute August 30, 2011 at 11:16 am

Joke's on you, lame stream media! There were massive crowds, all wearing invisibility cloaks.

fuflans August 30, 2011 at 12:07 pm

well 'massive' is no doubt correct.

AJWjr. August 30, 2011 at 1:22 pm

She cast a spell of invisibility on them!

Negropolis August 30, 2011 at 11:46 pm

It's only a matter of time before Christine comes out with an Invisible Hand vibrator.

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 11:17 am

What shocks me is that some publisher actually thought people would buy O'Donnel's book, long after her fifteen minutes have ended.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2011 at 11:29 am

They were counting on the bulk purchases from the "think tanks".

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 11:47 am

True; she'll probably still make a profit, and then the wingnut sites will have ads giving away a free copy of the book for subscribing to whatever.

superdave August 30, 2011 at 2:21 pm

It's wingnut welfare. That's how folks like Ann Coulter pay the bills.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm

You don't know how this works. First Regnery (or some other RWNJ imprint) gives the RWNJ a "contract." (This includes the paid ghostwriter, etc.) Then the imprint talks to all the RWNJ orgs out there. Each of these orgs then places an order for a certain number of "books." The publisher sells these to them at a deep discount, then writes off the ensuing loss on their taxes. The buyers "give" these books free or at a reduced rate with a membership fee, and write off any ensuing loss on *their* taxes. Win-win all around. Except, of course, for the taxpayers.

Weenus299 August 30, 2011 at 11:17 am

Why waste a snied comment on that thing-with-the-randy-and-ready-snatch.

DashboardBuddha August 30, 2011 at 11:22 am

Someone should have brought a weedwhacker for her to sign.

SexySmurf August 30, 2011 at 11:18 am

"I'm not a rouge. I'm not popular. I'm not even really an author. I'm you. Seriously, if you wrote a book only four people would show up to the signing."

LesBontemps August 30, 2011 at 11:30 am

My only regret is that I have but one upfist to give for this comment.

Pragmatist2 August 30, 2011 at 11:18 am

But it takes 13 to make a Coven!

DashboardBuddha August 30, 2011 at 11:21 am

She can put on weight

freakishlywrong August 30, 2011 at 11:18 am

She's not a witch, she's…(holy shit)..all four of them.

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 11:18 am

Fewer than at Brist holes signing? Now that's pretty bad… tomorrow's headline-
"Christine O'Donnell Reverts Back to Witchcraft"

Lascauxcaveman August 30, 2011 at 12:29 pm

No, I doubt there will be any headline at all, tomorrow. Not about her.

Texan_Bulldog August 30, 2011 at 11:18 am

Ha ha..how's that hand of the free market thingy going for you? Needs more eye of newt or toad stools…

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2011 at 11:19 am

Knitted dildo cosies, on the other hand… you just might be onto something, Kirsten…

metamarcisf August 30, 2011 at 11:19 am

I wish I could be there. Word has it that Sarah Palin will speak about freedom.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2011 at 11:22 am

No one knows more about freeing the yokels from their money than our grifterbilly!

NorthStarSpanx August 30, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Eric Golub is slated for entertainment. Eric, the most talentless Jew in New York and Hollywood.

With greasy hands smelling of hot dogs, he pawed at Todd, whimpering for acceptance.

“Mr. Palin, I am a conservative comedian and I actually tell pro-Palin jokes in my speeches. May I quickly tell you one.”

He gave permission, so I served up my best.

“I like Sarah Palin, but I can’t stand her position on traditional marriage. I think it’s awful. What I mean by that is I can’t stand the fact that she is married to somebody who is not me.”

He laughed, and out of nowhere she turned around. She liked the joke. She gave me a hug and I asked if I may take a picture with her.
http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborho

Gleem_McShineys August 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Dear Penthouse Washington Times

I'd always thought these letters were fakes, but then one day, it happened to me.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm

ZOMG, that pathetic little sleaze is wetting his pants in public for her. This is almost worse than Rich Lowry's "starbursts."

Also, Scarah's looking awfully thick-necked in that picture, with her popping tendons and wrinkles.

FannyBurney August 30, 2011 at 11:20 am

Next stop on the autograph tour: The Dollar Tree.

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2011 at 11:46 am

Hey! Some folks are lucky just to be gettin' a Dollar Store!..

as the article quotes the store owner at the end (probably was stated without a trace of irony): "I don't know anybody who doesn't want to go to a dollar store."

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2011 at 11:59 am

"On this side of the town, it's the hub of the shopping," she said.

This here is so so very sad. Bless Hixson's heart.

Lascauxcaveman August 30, 2011 at 12:43 pm

I unironically heart the dollar store. I go through a shitload of small items at my hotel, which I'd rather be replacing at $1 apiece than some arbitrary grocery store price. When I took over this place, it was all stocked with pretty quality stuff, which I noticed took no time at all disappearing.

Wineglasses, waterglasses, plates, bowls, corkscrews, kitchen knives and utensils. All stuff that gets lost/stolen/broken on a continual basis in the innkeeping biz.

Oh, and bleach pens for the laundry department. Those things work great.

I heart the dollar store. Ikea too, also.

PuckStopsHere August 30, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Betcha they go three or four for a dollar.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:14 pm

The Palins? Surely not!

jus_wonderin August 30, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Debra Jackson said she likes shopping at Dollar Palace because it is convenient and casual.

"I don't have to get all dressed up like I'm going to Wal-Mart or something," she said…..

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Sweet Christ on a crutch! Has she seen this?

Warning: Links to PeopleofWalMart. Not safe for humans.

Trannysurprise August 30, 2011 at 11:20 am

You know you're a loser when even the tea baggers think you're a loser.

I mean, they will love any nutbag sack of clown vomit as long as it hates the poors and browns as much as they do.

HelmutNewton August 30, 2011 at 11:22 am

“I like her,” Bruzzesi said. “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”

"Plus", he added, "I'm an avid gardener. My favorite hobby is trimming bushes".

Arken August 30, 2011 at 11:27 am

Going to a book signing in a Barnes & Noble is as rogueish as you can get!

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 11:33 am

rogue |rōg|
noun
1 a dishonest or unprincipled man : you are a rogue and an embezzler.
2 [usu. as adj. ] an elephant or other large wild animal driven away or living apart from the herd and having savage or destructive tendencies : a rogue elephant.
• a person or thing that behaves in an aberrant, faulty, or unpredictable way : he hacked into data and ran rogue programs.
• an inferior or defective specimen among many satisfactory ones, esp. a seedling or plant deviating from the standard variety.

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 11:49 am

3 A member of the X-Men with the power to drain the life from everything she touches.

EatsBabyDingos August 30, 2011 at 11:23 am

Like watching Bedknobs and Broomsticks on acid. Except for the fun hallucinations.

Wilcoxyz August 30, 2011 at 11:24 am

That's so bush league.

Tundra Grifter August 30, 2011 at 11:25 am

"She's kind of a rogue like me" – the lost last line of that Pussycat Dolls' song.

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 4:19 pm

She's not a witch, she's a rogue, just like you are….

ManchuCandidate August 30, 2011 at 11:25 am

Still more people than a Marlins Game, but still.

Barb August 30, 2011 at 11:28 am

“I like her,” Bruzzesi said. “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”
I saw your picture, Bruzzesi. You're more "Rogaine" than "rogue"

weejee August 30, 2011 at 11:39 am
Barb August 30, 2011 at 11:43 am

Good morning and thank you!

EatsBabyDingos August 30, 2011 at 11:29 am

Hit me with your rhythm stick. Hit me!

prommie August 30, 2011 at 11:29 am

I've got something for her to sign. She may have to stroke it a bit to make room for her full name. . . .

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2011 at 4:07 pm

If she can write, I AM NOT A WITCH, LOVE CHRISTINE O'DONNELL, I will give you my number…I am just glad there were no prom night dumpster babies floating down the flooded streets this weekend. I did keep checking to see if there might be a naked dude with PROMMIE written on his chest a la the Oscar man, but this time I would know the secret…Alas, I will simply be happy you did not drown in a bar basement. Okay, carry on.

prommie August 31, 2011 at 10:20 am

Depending on the font size, it could work. . . .

I intend to drown sitting right at the bar, not in some basement.

FakaktaSouth August 31, 2011 at 10:41 am

Well ya know what they say, it's not the size of your font, but the slant of your italics…
Honestly, I didn't even know bars HAD basements til I saw some poor owner in Jersey open the door to his, which was under at least 12 feet of what looked like a decade's worth of sludge and sewage. Really gross, but informative. Thanks weather channel!

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2011 at 11:30 am

Four people. That's pretty pathetic. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

prommie August 30, 2011 at 11:30 am

Kirsten, you nimble wielder of Time-speak, your descriptive honorifics shine.

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2011 at 11:31 am

a book on demonology. The Bible?

Radiotherapy® August 30, 2011 at 11:31 am

I'm not a washed up, has been.

ManchuCandidate August 30, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Never were.

Gleem_McShineys August 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Couldn't Was

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Can't haz.

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 4:20 pm

"I'm not a washed up, has been."

I'm a rogue, just like you are…

Mahousu August 30, 2011 at 11:33 am

It's brunette discrimination, I'm telling you.

Christine does perform a useful public service, though, in refuting all those smart brunette stereotypes.

Lascauxcaveman August 30, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Q: What do you call it when a blonde changes her hair color to brunette?

A: Artificial Intelligence

LesBontemps August 30, 2011 at 11:34 am

Nimrod second-tier grifter

I prefer "Lonely Bluehen masturbation witch."

baconzgood August 30, 2011 at 11:36 am

I find this difficult to masterbate to.

mrblifil August 30, 2011 at 12:24 pm

That simply means you are not trying hard enough. C'mon, we have standards here, don't drag us down merely because you lack initiative.

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I'm having an organism that shows an undesirable variation from a standard…

Nostrildamus August 30, 2011 at 9:31 pm

"Masturbation" isn't the same without U.

MinAgain August 30, 2011 at 11:37 am

Seven more people, and she'll have a coven.

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm

" She'll have a coven."

How many teacups will her coven hold?

Oblios_Cap August 30, 2011 at 11:37 am

She's way too stupid, even for Deleware. She'd probably have a lot more success if she were to relocate to Texas, Oklahoma, or maybe Arizona.

yyyaz August 30, 2011 at 11:49 am

She isn't even a second-stringer here in the Grand Canyon state. See, e.g., Sedona, Colorado City, Mesa, Yuma, Kingman, etc.

jus_wonderin August 30, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Here in Texas we have a opening for a brush/bush clearer.

widestanceshakedown August 30, 2011 at 11:37 am

Surely, there was still room left even on her ample welcome mat for a sixth guest.

fuflans August 30, 2011 at 11:38 am

and somehow the musings of 'louise campo of naples' are considered news.

AJWjr. August 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I've seen that name in comments at NYTimes.

MrFizzy August 30, 2011 at 11:39 am

I saw a youtube vid of O'Donnell dipping her tail into an inkwell to sign the books.

baconzgood August 30, 2011 at 11:41 am
mavenmaven August 30, 2011 at 11:42 am

If she was invited to speak at a Wonkette convention there would be an excellent turnout.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Yes. Because the Wonkerati are horrible, horrible people who would delight and enjoy to torment this hapless bitch.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2011 at 11:44 am

There are few things sadder than a failed masturbator.

proudgrampa August 30, 2011 at 1:22 pm

My grandchildren are too young to manage sharp fish hooks.

So when I take them fishing, I am the one who ends up baiting their lines.

So, that makes me, (wait for it): The Master Baiter!!!

I know. I'm sorry.

MissusBarry August 30, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I wish Al's Bait & Porn back home had a web site.

FannyBurney August 30, 2011 at 11:48 am

You know, if she'd included a free pair of hedge-trimmers with the book, there might have been a better turn-out.

John Birf Society August 30, 2011 at 11:48 am

Tonight her lone fan will meet her in Lone Tree, CO:
8/30/11 7:00 PM
Barnes & Noble
South Willow Street
Lone Tree, CO.
Please go and take pictures!

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Dude, is this for reals?? I am SO there tonight!

Eve8Apples August 30, 2011 at 11:49 am

She could have at least quadrupled the crowd size by offerering lap dances instead of signatures.

krazyvladimir August 30, 2011 at 11:50 am

Here's a new game, go to http://www.bruzzesiforpres.com/ and see how many misspellings you can find in the first minute…… how was no one paying attention to this guy before ?????? I was thinking of voting for Palin/Bachman ticket in the republican primary, but it looks like it will be this guy and O'Donnell

CapnFatback August 30, 2011 at 11:59 am

I, Thomas James Bruzzesi, was born on May 4, 1964 to Joseph and Dorothy Bruzzesi, the youngest of 3 children with the oldest being Joseph and Tami Ann Bruzzesi.

HIS ELDEST SIBLING IS SIAMESE TWINS!!!!1!

krazyvladimir August 30, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I actually like it how he worries about our "boarders" …….. and he is right….. if only we were getting good rent income from them……

krazyvladimir August 30, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Jokes aside, you will not find any misspellings on his events calendar.

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I like how the text automatically shifts between his autobiography, "our government today" comment, "leadership" comment, and blog, making it tricky to finish reading any of them.

Troglodeity August 30, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I like how the guy talks about O'Donnell like, if she plays her cards right, he just might give her a shot to be his V.P. candidate.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm

It doesn't help that his eyes look like a cross between Michele's and serial killer Ted Bundy's.

AlaskaGrrl August 30, 2011 at 12:25 pm

He has a problem with understanding the concept of paragraphs too. At least he stayed away from cap locks.

Redhead August 30, 2011 at 12:28 pm

It will be this guy and O'Donnell after Palin quits the original Palin/O'Donnell ticket halfway through the campaign.

JustPixelz August 30, 2011 at 12:44 pm

He promises to reform the Fedral tax code. That's nice, but some Federal tax reform would be more helpful.

Comrade Wingtard August 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm

My God that is classic!

gurukalehuru August 31, 2011 at 4:43 am

I noticed that he was refused by the military because of his "cerebral shunt." WTF is a cerebral shunt and do other Republican candidates have them as well?

metamarcisf August 30, 2011 at 11:51 am

Although O'Donnell's Iowa gig has been canceled, she has been snapped up as the Keynote Speaker at a California gathering of Carpet Munchers of America (CMA).

genxr August 30, 2011 at 12:42 pm

It's shag week! The 70s are back, baby!

simplyblue7 August 30, 2011 at 11:52 am

Those guys only showed up for some fresh fapping material for their brains.

thefrontpage August 30, 2011 at 11:56 am

At O'Donnell's appearance in Halloweentown, Indiana, the other night, attendance was a little better. Among the local celebrities who showed up to socialize and get O'Donnell's autograph were Aleister Crowley, Damian Thorn, Norm Bates, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, William Peter Blatty, Alice Cooper, Judas Priest, Ozzy Osbourne, a local camp owner who only goes by the name of "Jason," and a 12-year-old girl who only gave her name as "Megan."

Angry_Marmot August 30, 2011 at 1:29 pm

That makes my head spin.

hollywooddood August 30, 2011 at 11:58 am

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble, that's not enough to pay the rent. Shit, Christine!

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Man, that picture looks waaayy too much like my ex… and now there is spit all over my monitor… stoopid Christine!

ttommyunger August 30, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I might show up with a Magic Marker and ask her to sign my palm. That's the only way I could fap to her.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:27 pm

You promised you'd make her sign your dick. Or maybe that was Bristle Palin?

ttommyunger August 30, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Four letters, begins with “S”, but not sign.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Slut.

No, no, I mean *you're* a slut. But you knew that.

ttommyunger August 30, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Guilty, yo Honah!

fuflans August 30, 2011 at 12:11 pm

this is off topic but is anyone else wondering when all the coverage of fema running out of money will include 'gov't programs that baggers won't fund'?

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Can't we finish bashing Christine before we have to think about serious stuff and all?

fawkdifiknow August 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm

It may have only been five people, but it was 100% of the literate members of the Teabag Revolution. Yea, Xtine!

Guppy06 August 30, 2011 at 12:20 pm

“She’s kind of a rogue like me.”

And that's her failure: everyone knows that "rogue" is a cheap knock-off of the "Maverick" brand.

Troglodeity August 30, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Wouldn't you just love to be the reporter assigned to that Breaking News Event? Carefully transcribing such earthshaking quotes as: "Thank you for coming out today."

proudgrampa August 30, 2011 at 12:22 pm

I'm surprised. O'Donnell seems like such a nice person on the TV, especially in those White House press conferences and whew, she's got nice legs and… What? Oh… Never mind.

AlaskaGrrl August 30, 2011 at 12:22 pm

“I like her,” Bruzzesi said. “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”

Birds of a feather…

mrblifil August 30, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Yeah but the awesome part? All five got to fuck her.

MissTaken August 30, 2011 at 12:23 pm

WOW! 5 people showed up to her signing? That's 8 more than I expected.

Redhead August 30, 2011 at 12:27 pm

"O’Donnell, a Christian, then politely turned down a request from a young man who asked her to sign his book on demonology instead of a copy of her book."

So… four lesbian witches out to cast spells on O'Donnell with their lesbianness… and one Wonketteer?

MissTaken August 30, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Just how many Hello Kitty vibrators does it take to make one's eyes do that?

genxr August 30, 2011 at 12:44 pm

It does look like she bought all of the items Amazon recommended for her.

SilverTsunami August 30, 2011 at 12:30 pm

To vote for Xtine, text 666. the phone lines will be open for at least two more hours.

genxr August 30, 2011 at 12:31 pm

If we ask her a question about her book, will she please go away?

OneYieldRegular August 30, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I'd think I'd feel a bit slighted by this reporter were I one of the only two people at the signing who didn't get mentioned in the article.

proudgrampa August 30, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Not that I particularly feel sorry for her, but that really has to be the epitome (nadir?) of mortification. I'll bet I could get more than 5 people together for a signing of my monograph, "How to be a Good Wonketteer."

Coming to a Barnes and Noble near you!

metamarcisf August 30, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Headline of the day (Breitbart):

"Disgraced ‘Wonkette’ Busted Putting Racist Words in Bachmann’s Mouth"

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Hahaha! Breitbart! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

genxr August 30, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Wait– Who put what in Marcus' mouth???

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Is this like a MadLib? *joy*

I'll go with "Andy Breitbart" and "rancid raccoon poop."

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Andrew NotSoBrightBart has no room to talk about anyone else's being "busted" or a "disgrace."

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Next Christine will have her collection of stuffed animals gathered around her during public appearances. So sad.

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Don't buy books by schnooks!

sunmusing August 30, 2011 at 12:42 pm

How can you NOT tea bag a face like that.

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm

That's a triple bagger, just to make sure…

JustPixelz August 30, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Christine still has that magic something.

Beowoof August 30, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Hard to imagine that 5 people who can read would actually buy her book. Is she even getting Joe the Dumber numbers?

Comrade Wingtard August 30, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Bruzzesi's "autobiography" before his handlers revised it:

Say bruh, I was born inFortLee 1964 and my parents was Joseph and Dorothy. My brothers are Joseph and Tami Ann. When I was 5 my daddy bought me a camaro and that was a huge mistake. I got into a accident in the driveway and then they put all these pipes and shit inside my head. They also took grafts from my ass area and grafted them to my head. Shit was serious, bra. I was legally dead for like 5 minutes then I woke up. When I was in high school I wanted to join the Mareens but they would take cuz of the pipe sitcking out of my fuckin neck. I married my friend Gina and I got into construction and we had a son but then got divorced almost exactly one year later and I still got this fuckin thing stickin out my fuckin neck.

MiniMencken August 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I have a copy of Thomas Wolfe's "You Can't Go Home Again" that I got signed by New Journalism giant Tom Wolfe. Unlike Xtine, Tom has a sense of humor.

owhatever August 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Ann Coulter have started the book with .. "I am not a fucking witch, you liberal Obama asskissers. I'm worse. Much, much worse. I'm a demon, and I'm going to rip your eyes out and grill them with some tarragon and chives, just like I did with the missing Clinton child."

That would sell.

EatsBabyDingos August 30, 2011 at 2:25 pm

"Thank you for coming out today." Ms. Campos, who had never publicly identified her lesbianism, was shocked. "I only wanted to put my tongue in her ear."

widget2011 August 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm

C_NT, all that's missing is you, (Christ)ine.

comrad_darkness August 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Oh please tell me she took a HUGE advance. Please?

comrad_darkness August 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I know what she needs: fake glasses like Sarah Palin wears.

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 4:26 pm

These glasses make me look….smart!

deanbooth August 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm

"These are the new leads. These are the Teabagger leads. And to you they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you would be throwing them away. They're for closers."

Comrade Wingtard August 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm

You talk that shit to me? ON MY VOLUME? FUCK YOU!

Comrade Wingtard August 30, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Everyone should watch the Christine O'Donnel / Tommy Bruzzesi interview here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed

You can see they're already 20% off, and she even hired a Pinkerton/Wackenhut guy to watch over this mess …

robcypher August 30, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Maybe she could marry Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow if this "politics" thing doesn't work out for her too much longer. They have a lot of stuff in common, and they could even lose their virginity to each other after the wedding!

Warpde August 30, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Can't believe she would discourage that fifth vote for "President O’Donnell".

Nostrildamus August 30, 2011 at 9:29 pm

2012: Watch for Olympians Christine and Sarah competing the the snatch and jerk,

Negropolis August 30, 2011 at 11:39 pm

O’Donnell, a Christian

She's about as much of a Christian as I am an editor at the Washington Times. I love how they are able to mention nearly every one of her handful of guests by name.

Christine, you're no Sarah Palin, that's for damned sure. And, in a very twisted way, that's kind of a good thing, though, you have plenty of other unique and special faults of your own to make-up for your lack of grifiting skills.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm

If they did, there *would* be crowds showing up.

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