grifter farm team

Five Brave Souls Attend Christine O’Donnell Book Signing In Florida

maybe try a spot with the community grifter's little league?Nimrod second-tier grifter Christine O’Donnell is trying desperately to sell her dumb book about how to knit homemade dildos Xtine’s Tea Party expertise, which ranks somewhere below the sequence of random numbers and letters in a license plate database for its contribution to policy. A crowd of four teabaggers showed up to her book signing in Naples, Florida to meet her, plus one guy who asked her to sign a copy of his devil worship handbook, which she refused to do. (Haha, we like this guy.) 2012 preseason grifter tryouts are coming to a close, and we don’t see her making the cut. Maybe it’s time to just go back to selling vibrators and sorcery manuals on Amazon, Christine?

From the Florida News-Press:

O’Donnell took the turnout of five people — members of the media outnumbered customers — at Barnes & Noble in stride.

“God bless you, Tom,” she told Tom Bruzzesi of Fort Myers, who said he’s launching his own presidential campaign.

“I like her,” Bruzzesi said. “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”

“Thank you for coming out today,” O’Donnell said to Louise Campo of Naples.

“She interests me. She’s very conservative,” Campo said.

O’Donnell, a Christian, then politely turned down a request from a young man who asked her to sign his book on demonology instead of a copy of her book.

Christine is supposedly also slated to perform at one of Sarah Palin’s Tea Party circle jerks in Iowa, but, uh, this guy on Twitter reports that organizers say that was all just a big mistake because even Sarah Palin fans somehow cannot tolerate this weirdo. Back to the minor leagues, amateur! [Florida News-Press]

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    1. iburl

      On Samantha's father's side of the family is her far-out, egocentric lookalike cousin Christine. Christine is the antithesis of Samantha, in most episodes sporting a beauty mark on her cheek, raven-black cropped hair, and mod mini-skirts. Ever mischievous, Christine often chases after Darrin and Larry Tate (calling the white-haired Tate "Cotton-Top"), just for sport. More progressive than typical witches or warlocks, who generally abhor mortals, Samantha's counter-culture cousin occasionally dates some (including characters played by Jack Cassidy and Peter Lawford). Despite her wild behavior and frequent co-plotting with Endora, Christine ultimately supports Samantha and Darrin, even though she finds them both a bit "square."

      1. Negropolis

        Sarah grifts for luxeries. Christine is literally grifting to survive. That's failed grifiting in my book.

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    “She interests me. She’s very conservative, and a hairy bush is a real turn-on for me,” Campo said.

    1. PuckStopsHere

      It's been a long time since Jim's rapped at us, but I'm sure he's knee-deep in the hoopla…

    1. MichelesPantalones

      I'm sure you would. Just remember to keep within the technical limits of "assault and battery."

  2. elviouslyqueer

    Organizer 2: "We received emails from a lot of folks that were very disappointed that she would be speaking… we decided to not have her.

    MEOW. Jesus H., Palinistas. Catty jealous bitches much?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      The dis-invitation of Xtine by the Sarah camp is all about fundamental differences between the two in some very important national policy points.

      Sara suspects Xtine may be younger and prettier than her.

  3. Come here a minute

    Joke's on you, lame stream media! There were massive crowds, all wearing invisibility cloaks.

  4. SorosBot

    What shocks me is that some publisher actually thought people would buy O'Donnel's book, long after her fifteen minutes have ended.

      1. SorosBot

        True; she'll probably still make a profit, and then the wingnut sites will have ads giving away a free copy of the book for subscribing to whatever.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      You don't know how this works. First Regnery (or some other RWNJ imprint) gives the RWNJ a "contract." (This includes the paid ghostwriter, etc.) Then the imprint talks to all the RWNJ orgs out there. Each of these orgs then places an order for a certain number of "books." The publisher sells these to them at a deep discount, then writes off the ensuing loss on their taxes. The buyers "give" these books free or at a reduced rate with a membership fee, and write off any ensuing loss on *their* taxes. Win-win all around. Except, of course, for the taxpayers.

  5. SexySmurf

    "I'm not a rouge. I'm not popular. I'm not even really an author. I'm you. Seriously, if you wrote a book only four people would show up to the signing."

  6. DaRooster

    Fewer than at Brist holes signing? Now that's pretty bad… tomorrow's headline-
    "Christine O'Donnell Reverts Back to Witchcraft"

  7. Texan_Bulldog

    Ha's that hand of the free market thingy going for you? Needs more eye of newt or toad stools…

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Eric Golub is slated for entertainment. Eric, the most talentless Jew in New York and Hollywood.

        With greasy hands smelling of hot dogs, he pawed at Todd, whimpering for acceptance.

        “Mr. Palin, I am a conservative comedian and I actually tell pro-Palin jokes in my speeches. May I quickly tell you one.”

        He gave permission, so I served up my best.

        “I like Sarah Palin, but I can’t stand her position on traditional marriage. I think it’s awful. What I mean by that is I can’t stand the fact that she is married to somebody who is not me.”

        He laughed, and out of nowhere she turned around. She liked the joke. She gave me a hug and I asked if I may take a picture with her.

        1. Gleem_McShineys

          Dear Penthouse Washington Times

          I'd always thought these letters were fakes, but then one day, it happened to me.

        2. MichelesPantalones

          ZOMG, that pathetic little sleaze is wetting his pants in public for her. This is almost worse than Rich Lowry's "starbursts."

          Also, Scarah's looking awfully thick-necked in that picture, with her popping tendons and wrinkles.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        "On this side of the town, it's the hub of the shopping," she said.

        This here is so so very sad. Bless Hixson's heart.

      2. Lascauxcaveman

        I unironically heart the dollar store. I go through a shitload of small items at my hotel, which I'd rather be replacing at $1 apiece than some arbitrary grocery store price. When I took over this place, it was all stocked with pretty quality stuff, which I noticed took no time at all disappearing.

        Wineglasses, waterglasses, plates, bowls, corkscrews, kitchen knives and utensils. All stuff that gets lost/stolen/broken on a continual basis in the innkeeping biz.

        Oh, and bleach pens for the laundry department. Those things work great.

        I heart the dollar store. Ikea too, also.

    1. jus_wonderin

      Debra Jackson said she likes shopping at Dollar Palace because it is convenient and casual.

      "I don't have to get all dressed up like I'm going to Wal-Mart or something," she said…..

  8. Trannysurprise

    You know you're a loser when even the tea baggers think you're a loser.

    I mean, they will love any nutbag sack of clown vomit as long as it hates the poors and browns as much as they do.

  9. HelmutNewton

    “I like her,” Bruzzesi said. “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”

    "Plus", he added, "I'm an avid gardener. My favorite hobby is trimming bushes".


      rogue |rōg|
      1 a dishonest or unprincipled man : you are a rogue and an embezzler.
      2 [usu. as adj. ] an elephant or other large wild animal driven away or living apart from the herd and having savage or destructive tendencies : a rogue elephant.
      • a person or thing that behaves in an aberrant, faulty, or unpredictable way : he hacked into data and ran rogue programs.
      • an inferior or defective specimen among many satisfactory ones, esp. a seedling or plant deviating from the standard variety.

  10. Barb

    “I like her,” Bruzzesi said. “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”
    I saw your picture, Bruzzesi. You're more "Rogaine" than "rogue"

  11. prommie

    I've got something for her to sign. She may have to stroke it a bit to make room for her full name. . . .

    1. FakaktaSouth

      If she can write, I AM NOT A WITCH, LOVE CHRISTINE O'DONNELL, I will give you my number…I am just glad there were no prom night dumpster babies floating down the flooded streets this weekend. I did keep checking to see if there might be a naked dude with PROMMIE written on his chest a la the Oscar man, but this time I would know the secret…Alas, I will simply be happy you did not drown in a bar basement. Okay, carry on.

      1. prommie

        Depending on the font size, it could work. . . .

        I intend to drown sitting right at the bar, not in some basement.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          Well ya know what they say, it's not the size of your font, but the slant of your italics…
          Honestly, I didn't even know bars HAD basements til I saw some poor owner in Jersey open the door to his, which was under at least 12 feet of what looked like a decade's worth of sludge and sewage. Really gross, but informative. Thanks weather channel!

  12. Mahousu

    It's brunette discrimination, I'm telling you.

    Christine does perform a useful public service, though, in refuting all those smart brunette stereotypes.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Q: What do you call it when a blonde changes her hair color to brunette?

      A: Artificial Intelligence

  13. Oblios_Cap

    She's way too stupid, even for Deleware. She'd probably have a lot more success if she were to relocate to Texas, Oklahoma, or maybe Arizona.

    1. yyyaz

      She isn't even a second-stringer here in the Grand Canyon state. See, e.g., Sedona, Colorado City, Mesa, Yuma, Kingman, etc.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Yes. Because the Wonkerati are horrible, horrible people who would delight and enjoy to torment this hapless bitch.

    1. proudgrampa

      My grandchildren are too young to manage sharp fish hooks.

      So when I take them fishing, I am the one who ends up baiting their lines.

      So, that makes me, (wait for it): The Master Baiter!!!

      I know. I'm sorry.

  14. FannyBurney

    You know, if she'd included a free pair of hedge-trimmers with the book, there might have been a better turn-out.

  15. Eve8Apples

    She could have at least quadrupled the crowd size by offerering lap dances instead of signatures.

  16. krazyvladimir

    Here's a new game, go to and see how many misspellings you can find in the first minute…… how was no one paying attention to this guy before ?????? I was thinking of voting for Palin/Bachman ticket in the republican primary, but it looks like it will be this guy and O'Donnell

    1. CapnFatback

      I, Thomas James Bruzzesi, was born on May 4, 1964 to Joseph and Dorothy Bruzzesi, the youngest of 3 children with the oldest being Joseph and Tami Ann Bruzzesi.


      1. krazyvladimir

        I actually like it how he worries about our "boarders" …….. and he is right….. if only we were getting good rent income from them……

    2. SorosBot

      I like how the text automatically shifts between his autobiography, "our government today" comment, "leadership" comment, and blog, making it tricky to finish reading any of them.

      1. Troglodeity

        I like how the guy talks about O'Donnell like, if she plays her cards right, he just might give her a shot to be his V.P. candidate.

      2. MichelesPantalones

        It doesn't help that his eyes look like a cross between Michele's and serial killer Ted Bundy's.

    3. AlaskaGrrl

      He has a problem with understanding the concept of paragraphs too. At least he stayed away from cap locks.

    4. Redhead

      It will be this guy and O'Donnell after Palin quits the original Palin/O'Donnell ticket halfway through the campaign.

    5. gurukalehuru

      I noticed that he was refused by the military because of his "cerebral shunt." WTF is a cerebral shunt and do other Republican candidates have them as well?

  17. metamarcisf

    Although O'Donnell's Iowa gig has been canceled, she has been snapped up as the Keynote Speaker at a California gathering of Carpet Munchers of America (CMA).

  18. thefrontpage

    At O'Donnell's appearance in Halloweentown, Indiana, the other night, attendance was a little better. Among the local celebrities who showed up to socialize and get O'Donnell's autograph were Aleister Crowley, Damian Thorn, Norm Bates, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, William Peter Blatty, Alice Cooper, Judas Priest, Ozzy Osbourne, a local camp owner who only goes by the name of "Jason," and a 12-year-old girl who only gave her name as "Megan."

  19. DaRooster

    Man, that picture looks waaayy too much like my ex… and now there is spit all over my monitor… stoopid Christine!

  20. ttommyunger

    I might show up with a Magic Marker and ask her to sign my palm. That's the only way I could fap to her.

  21. fuflans

    this is off topic but is anyone else wondering when all the coverage of fema running out of money will include 'gov't programs that baggers won't fund'?

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Can't we finish bashing Christine before we have to think about serious stuff and all?

  22. fawkdifiknow

    It may have only been five people, but it was 100% of the literate members of the Teabag Revolution. Yea, Xtine!

  23. Guppy06

    “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”

    And that's her failure: everyone knows that "rogue" is a cheap knock-off of the "Maverick" brand.

  24. Troglodeity

    Wouldn't you just love to be the reporter assigned to that Breaking News Event? Carefully transcribing such earthshaking quotes as: "Thank you for coming out today."

  25. proudgrampa

    I'm surprised. O'Donnell seems like such a nice person on the TV, especially in those White House press conferences and whew, she's got nice legs and… What? Oh… Never mind.

  26. Redhead

    "O’Donnell, a Christian, then politely turned down a request from a young man who asked her to sign his book on demonology instead of a copy of her book."

    So… four lesbian witches out to cast spells on O'Donnell with their lesbianness… and one Wonketteer?

  27. OneYieldRegular

    I'd think I'd feel a bit slighted by this reporter were I one of the only two people at the signing who didn't get mentioned in the article.

  28. proudgrampa

    Not that I particularly feel sorry for her, but that really has to be the epitome (nadir?) of mortification. I'll bet I could get more than 5 people together for a signing of my monograph, "How to be a Good Wonketteer."

    Coming to a Barnes and Noble near you!

  29. metamarcisf

    Headline of the day (Breitbart):

    "Disgraced ‘Wonkette’ Busted Putting Racist Words in Bachmann’s Mouth"

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Andrew NotSoBrightBart has no room to talk about anyone else's being "busted" or a "disgrace."

  30. SheriffRoscoe

    Next Christine will have her collection of stuffed animals gathered around her during public appearances. So sad.

  31. Beowoof

    Hard to imagine that 5 people who can read would actually buy her book. Is she even getting Joe the Dumber numbers?

  32. Comrade Wingtard

    Bruzzesi's "autobiography" before his handlers revised it:

    Say bruh, I was born inFortLee 1964 and my parents was Joseph and Dorothy. My brothers are Joseph and Tami Ann. When I was 5 my daddy bought me a camaro and that was a huge mistake. I got into a accident in the driveway and then they put all these pipes and shit inside my head. They also took grafts from my ass area and grafted them to my head. Shit was serious, bra. I was legally dead for like 5 minutes then I woke up. When I was in high school I wanted to join the Mareens but they would take cuz of the pipe sitcking out of my fuckin neck. I married my friend Gina and I got into construction and we had a son but then got divorced almost exactly one year later and I still got this fuckin thing stickin out my fuckin neck.

  33. MiniMencken

    I have a copy of Thomas Wolfe's "You Can't Go Home Again" that I got signed by New Journalism giant Tom Wolfe. Unlike Xtine, Tom has a sense of humor.

  34. owhatever

    Ann Coulter have started the book with .. "I am not a fucking witch, you liberal Obama asskissers. I'm worse. Much, much worse. I'm a demon, and I'm going to rip your eyes out and grill them with some tarragon and chives, just like I did with the missing Clinton child."

    That would sell.

  35. EatsBabyDingos

    "Thank you for coming out today." Ms. Campos, who had never publicly identified her lesbianism, was shocked. "I only wanted to put my tongue in her ear."

  36. deanbooth

    "These are the new leads. These are the Teabagger leads. And to you they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you would be throwing them away. They're for closers."

  37. robcypher

    Maybe she could marry Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow if this "politics" thing doesn't work out for her too much longer. They have a lot of stuff in common, and they could even lose their virginity to each other after the wedding!

  38. Negropolis

    O’Donnell, a Christian

    She's about as much of a Christian as I am an editor at the Washington Times. I love how they are able to mention nearly every one of her handful of guests by name.

    Christine, you're no Sarah Palin, that's for damned sure. And, in a very twisted way, that's kind of a good thing, though, you have plenty of other unique and special faults of your own to make-up for your lack of grifiting skills.

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