“Math” suggests John McCain does not believe he would have lived through his first presidential term if he had won! Hahahaha, Jesus, Sarah Palin was almost your President. THAT WAS SO CLOSE, never forget. [Twitter]
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 94 comments }
"I would have taken better care of myself!"
And not crashed so many planes?
And not gone on an alcoholic binge for a decade or so after crashing said planes?
too soon!
I'm of the opinion that it was actually too few. One more might've done it.
Hell, crashing three of those babies didn't kill the old bastard, neither did his time as a PoW, even if he did sing like a canary. Besides, he's been drawing full disability pay from the Navy ever since that happened, even though his annual income tops $400K and his wife's runs between $6 mil and $10 mil.
Those planes only cost about $20,000,000 each, and then he is triple dipping and yet you poor old folks better shut the hell up and eat your cat food.
Don't be talking about a genuine North Vietnamese Air Force Ace like that pardner! Walnuts took out as many perfectly good aircraft as any half dozen pilots or missile bases around Hanoi, and the Vietnamese folks are in his debt.
It royally pisses me off that so many vets get the runaround from the VA on disability, and yet that pathetic shit was drawing full pay for decades. If he hadn't been hotdogging on that last run, he wouldn't have been shot down in the first place. Fucking idiot grandstanding self-aggrandizing prick.
Five-and-a-half years, Alan!
She'd have quit by now.
President Boehner.
And there goes my lunch…
Ahh, but before she quit, she'd go with a "bang" having turned the Red Button into body bling (necklace or belt-buckle?) giving us H8r's the Ultimate Middle Finger.
President Boehner. Check.
But who would be VP? That's the only possible way that the Belgian-born MeeShill could've gotten to the White House.
Uh, that is, Boehner selects Bachmann as VP, then Bachmann requests God to bump off Boehner, via toxic orange facial creme, etc. Crazy shit, huh?
He unleashed that snowstorm of idiocy on us and can still make jokes. I have no snark for this man.
Well, have a little pity. After seeing him in person in the last primaries I have no doubt he is senile/early stages of Alzheimers. I'm sure he didn't realize what he was just doing – he was just doing what his handlers told him to, as always.
Hard to have pity for someone who treated so many of the MIA/POW community with such wanton disrespect. He can eat out my ass.
It's okay — we all know there would've been little difference between an Obama presidency and a Palin presidency.
Though I do think that Todd who have made an excellent first lady.
1. Watermelon patch on the White House lawn replaced with a dogsled track.
2. Annual Easter Egg roll contestants roll Whooping Crane eggs.
3. Every 4th of July — Wolfburgers!
Except for the unwed daughters squirting out kids like a robotic pitcher in a batting cage.
Jesus. Upfist for you.
Don't forget the daughters-in-law squirting doing the same two months after the wedding.
They're doing just like Momma. Poppin' em like a salad shooter.
"I don't want to go on the cart."
"Oh, don't be such a baby."
FTW!
"I think I'll go for a walk!"
"But I'm feeling better, really!"
Has no PAC put up some sort of "birthday wishes" we can war blog on? However, I am entirely bored of Walnuts now..it's amazing to think that he's probably better than the entire roster of current GOP presidential contenders.
That's a good question, isn't it? What would you rather have, if someone forced you at gunpoint: McCain with Palin waiting in the wings, or a Santorum-Perry-Mittens in the WH? (A: Take the bullet).
Yes.
The fundamentals of the idiocracy are sound.
And yet, despite how comically old he is, John McCain probably won't think twice about just retiring instead of running for reelection next time his term is up.
Yeah, he'll be another Strom Thurmond, so addled no one could really understand what the hell he said for the last 10 years of his life. Just long vowel movements: "Dag skattlenatchees dun gunana vaggle snick, hee hee hee!". I wonder if his staff had a Strom-English English-Strom dictionary so they could decode him, or if they just nodded at him and did what they thought he would want if he was his usual evil self.
Oh begone, you feckless, warty asshole. And take your stupid twat with you.
"I fart in your general direction…."
And take your stupid twat with you.
Could you narrow this down, plz?
We'll keep Meghan around here, dontcha think?
For teh boobies.
An almost Shakesperian quality admonishment! Well done! Substitute thou and thy and thee and you'd almost swear it was a line from a swordfight plucked from the bard as it were…
President Palin … argh. NATO planes would have bombed the White House, as an urgent matter of global good taste.
Mickey Mantle said that first. And he was worth a shit.
Actually, it was Satchel Paige, I believe. White folks stealing from black folks again. See: Pressley, Elvis.
Also, Boone, Pat.
So many artists ripped off Pat's finest work, it's true.
Ozzy totally stole "Crazy Train" from Pat. I have proof.
Rockin' Robin. Great song. In which Elvis pays tribute to the black musicians who showed him the way.
Pretty little raven by the birdband stand/taught him how to do the bop and it was grand/started goin' steady and bless my soul/he outbopped the buzzard and the oriole
Much like a case of Herpes, Juan McCain will not go away.
In other words-
"I should be dead by now."
And we would be under the first Hobbit Presidency!
And he would be if I ever get elected god.
Sounds good to me, go for it, Walnuts.
John who?
What the fuck does that mean? Is he trying to be George Burns? If so Senator, I watched Oh God with George Burns, I knew George Burns' jokes, George Burns was a funny guy. Senator, you're no George Burns.
Can cause Heart Burns though…
He's tried this stand-up comedy before when they let him out of his nap-cave.
I blame whichever handler helped him finally learn how to peck out his thoughts on the personal intertubez devices.
George/Gracie 2012
Palin would have slit his throat with her voice before his first SOTU speech so he was probably the 2nd happiest man in the world when Obama won.
Still, for bringing her upon us, may he rot in death as he has in life.
The Senate needs an age limit.
Hand in your cell phone, Pop Pop.
We all wish McWalnutz would've taken better care of the billions of dollars worth of military equipment he destroyed, also.
Thx @bday wishes. Where is marvelous ape of death?!
He deserves that marvelous ape. Think I'll go tweet that at him. (Engages vicious-bitch mode)
So, Jitterbug makes a blackberry now, I take it.
If RIM takes that as their primary market, they may survive!
Happy Birthday, Walnuts! From War Hero, to Maverick Senator, to Bedpan Dining. I would hate to be your scrotum.
if we had known you would live this long, we might have elected you.
TWO AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!
Generation A
Dick Cheney?
It must not be as big of birthday for Mr. McCain if there is not a president giving him a cake while ignoring the destruction of an Ameircan City. Why doesn't our current president have his priorities straight?
(Answer: Because he is black).
Wouldn't that have been perfect, though? For President Obama to ignore the flooding in VT to fly to McCain's one-of-ten-houses with birthday cake?
This man really, really disturbs me, to the point that I find it hard to be snarky about him.
Just close your eyes and imagine taking short, sharp, shock — er, kicks, aimed at his scrotum.
One more reason you know that there is no god:
John Lennon, still dead. John McCain, still alive.
Damn, Flagass, you sure know how to hurt a body.
Build the dang pall!
Will they have ice cream and cake on the next Meet The Press?
Wonder if with Irene and all, he's nostalgic for that Katrina birthday cake with Bush? Good times when the GOP held the White House.
So the options would have been Pres. Lieberman or Pres. Palin? Thank you, Justice Scalia.
This is good news for McCain.
This just shows Obama is morally weak.
Today we are all old farts thinking we invented something we forgot we heard someone else say 20 years ago.
[had to get the third Wonkette meme in a row in there]
Oh, now I get it — he was being Reaganesque.
You know who else can't remember shit and repeats a lot of stuff they heard 20 years ago?
Um, me?
Er, me?
Thx @bday wishes. I wear chains I forged in life, but not dead yet!!
Thx @bday wishes. Teh Trollop's desultry rubtugs @bday/Xmas only pleasures left
Wonder which John McCain will be the one to die? The Maverick or McNasty
The War Hero, sadly.
That's some reallydark humor, right there.
Hi Johnny, bought you a Cheney Home CPR kit. Now you only have to find someone willing to use it to animate your corpse and you can be on the board at KBR.
And I'm gonna keep this chunky blonde girl I found passed out on your lawn. I hear she can write books.
A bad paraphrase of Mickey Mantle, referring to the money players made today and his length of playing time.
Favorite Mantle joke: Mantle said that when he got to heaven, St. Peter would tell him that he'd shown up at the wrong place, then add, "but before you go to hell, could you sign this couple a' dozen baseballs for me?
So die, already. You're just an embarrassment to your Country and a bothersome pimple on your rich wife's bony ass. Does the word "irrelevant" mean anything to you?
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