VIDEO: Idiot Michele Bachmann Asks White People, ‘Who Likes White Wet People?’

by Ken Layne


Who likes white people? Uhh, everybody except for black people and brown people and yellow people, we guess? Also, many actual white people don’t much like white people, having read a history book or two. But Michele Bachmann is here to praise Jesus and His Own Special People, even though he was an Arab. UPDATE: Michele Bachmann actually said she hates white people” because they’re “subhuman.” YouTube regrets the error.

What is happening here? The Wonkette editorial board just had a meeting and your editor Kirsten Boyd Johnson said, “She’s obviously referring to the dumb band that played before her but forgot to mention the rest of the band’s name, because she’s an idiot.”

So the band is called “White People and ….” what? We don’t know. Just elect Michele Bachmann. Let’s get this country back on track! The apocalypse is barely a year away and we sure don’t want a black person as president when God sends the Crazy Train. [YouTube via Wonkette Operative "Smashaduck"]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 288 comments }

memzilla August 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Hearing that Ol' Crazy Eyes wants to lock up the Jeebustan vote is not news. Seeing the depths to which she will slither to do that, however, is.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Here's why this rabid marmot is shrieking at Jeebusfests:

http://www.calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=559

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Angry_Marmot's gonna be lookin' for ya, Biely.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2011 at 8:22 pm

I'm never far away.

fuflans August 29, 2011 at 3:48 pm

they need to cross that with waist size.

gullywompr August 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Clearly, she said "wet people". I got nothing against wet people. A few of my friends are wet. My sister even dated a wet guy once. Truthfully, I was a little relieved when they broke up, our dad was not real happy about it (kept making towel jokes behind his back).

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Like, wet backs?

poncho_pilot August 29, 2011 at 1:56 pm

i think the PC term is Mojado-American.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Huh. I thought it was Mojito.

capnhuggyface August 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

don't forget to bring a towel!

mayor_quimby August 29, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I think the means who likes to get wet, you know, like PCP, sherm, angel dust,
See – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzB03c6Dc10

SexySmurf August 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Michele Bachmann doesn't care about dry people.

LettucePrey August 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm

I wouldn't mind my kids playing with wet people, or even dating wet people, but I wouldn't want my daughter marrying a wet person. I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.

poncho_pilot August 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

"well, you have to think about the future. if a dry person and a wet person have kids, those kids might have a pretty rough go of it because of the actual racist people. not me. i'm not racist."

–Poncho Pilot's Grandma's 'logical conclusion" about them "half-breeds".

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Funny, my mother spouted that line of shit, too, in the vain hope that it would keep my brother from marrying one of his many "girlfriends-of-different-ethnicities." Nice to know bigotry is not the sole province of white folks, eh? (Shaddup, Herman Cain.)

metamarcisf August 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm

A Wonkette Editorial Board meeting? I'm picturing the Algonquin Round Table catered by Hooters.

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 29, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I'm just picturing Hooters.

Bezoar August 29, 2011 at 9:29 pm

I actually attended a lunchtime surgical research seminar once that was catered by Hooters. Word had leaked out and the attendance was huge. Unfortunately, the only Hooters employee who showed up looked like a homeless guy, and the food was awful. A lot like what they serve in their restaurants, actually.

Indiepalin August 29, 2011 at 11:14 pm

That's what she said

Trannysurprise August 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Just FYI Jesus – when you come back you will have to pay for your own nails and cross.

NO MOAR SOCHULIZM!

BombyMcGee August 29, 2011 at 1:11 pm

She's actually saying "Who likes wet people." The video was rather dishonestly edited.

However: "Who likes wet people" is still pretty goddamn funny.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

She's just been rockin' Andrew WK on her Walmart equivalent iPod lately http://youtu.be/AfhiNBC9yM4

4tehlulz_lite August 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

This is a sign that she's gone squishy against the Mexican nazi threat.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:42 pm

She's squirmishing them.

JustPixelz August 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm

From elsewhere on the internets:

Apparently, the warm-up band for Bachmann was called the 'White People Soul Band'…

So she really did say "Who likes White People?", but got the band name wrong. I guess she's unsurprised to think a band named "White People" would appear her Christian event.

BombyMcGee August 29, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Actually, no. It's wet people. Apparently it was raining. Here's the uncut version.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfYVOLy-qPY&fe

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Just so long as the rain missed Texas, we're good.

DahBoner August 29, 2011 at 4:52 pm

The only wet people I like are a bunch of pussies….

MildMidwesterner August 29, 2011 at 1:12 pm

I believe it was Chris Rock who pointed out the everyone loves white women.

themcwow August 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm

and Cleavon Little

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Yeah, but dayum, those guys in white sheets did NOT care for that in the least, did they? And him such a HANDSOME man and all.

Pres.Beeblebrox August 29, 2011 at 9:08 pm

And every white woman loves her some BBC. Et tu, Michelle? You ain't getting any shrimpy WC from Marcus, that's for sure.

Tejas_Teacher August 30, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Hey, he's got a point. As a white guy, I would just like to thank all the brothers for taking the fat, ugly ones off our hands.

TanzbodenKoenig August 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Why are they still letting her talk? If I was her chief of staff I would just slap a ball gag on her and just tell her to smile and shut the fuck up for a week or so.

poncho_pilot August 29, 2011 at 1:57 pm

she might welcome that kind of attention, really. Marcus normally wears the ball gag.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:43 pm

He's selfish, and won't share?

poncho_pilot August 29, 2011 at 4:13 pm

let's just say he's the…um…gimp.

memzilla August 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

"So the band is called 'White People and ….' what?"

White People n' HamBiscuits?

RedneckMuslin August 29, 2011 at 1:23 pm

White People and the Hitlerettes?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2011 at 2:31 pm

White people and their White Jesus.

iburl August 29, 2011 at 3:03 pm

White People and the Privilege?
Did the Village People and the Average White Band merge?

DahBoner August 29, 2011 at 4:48 pm

The band is called: "John Wayne Gacy Likes White People"

Troglodeity August 31, 2011 at 6:27 pm

… One Black Guy.

a.k.a. Hootie & The Blowfish

ringletwraith August 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I love and appreciate my friends who are praying for her to flame out already.

smitallica August 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Actually, the more white people I meet, the less I like them. Even though I am one. They all seem overweight, love stupid TV shows and really bad music, and put an inordinate amount of importance on most-likely-fabricated stories about a Jewish zombie with the same name as my gardener.

LettucePrey August 29, 2011 at 1:43 pm
MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Jeezus. Now you've made me hate them too.

OneDollarJuana August 29, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Oh come now! Bad taste is color blind.

zhubajie August 29, 2011 at 8:15 pm

At one point, early in my China days, I would hide my face when I saw another white guy get on the bus. I didn't want to have to explain (once again) why I wasn't rich, living in some gated suburb…. Now I just pretend I'm a Xinjiang Muslim.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 12:10 am

How do you get away with that, though? Don't they recognize you as a fellow 'Murcan?

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 2:09 am

I'm short and stout, near dwarfish stature, and most Chinese people assume all Americans are tall and skinny, like the people they see in movies. Also, Xinjiang natives look rather like Afghans or Pakistanis, that is, sort of white. I have a knit woolen cap, the sort of thing Buddhist monks wear, which I sometimes wear in the winter time. Lots who ought to know better think it's a Muslim cap. Even real Xinjiang people sometimes address me in Uighur or Khirgiz or whatever.

I don't lie to people if they ask where I'm from, but I don't wear the flag on my sleeve, either.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 12:07 pm

I shall come and visit you in China and bring more woollen caps.

Buzz Feedback August 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Jesus created the universe? I thought it was G-d? She can't even get that $hit right.

DahBoner August 29, 2011 at 4:54 pm

They're the same person, if God says something they like.

If God says something inconvienant, like kill everyone who works on the Sabbath, like postal workers, then you can ignore everything "Jesus" says….

Pres.Beeblebrox August 29, 2011 at 9:08 pm

I thought it was "Gahd".

JoshuaNorton August 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Eeeesh! Someone is hella late for their Mensa bake sale.

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm

"But Michele Bachmann is here to praise Jesus and His Own Special People, even though he was an Arab. "

I thought he was a Puerto Rican or a Mexican.

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

But definitely not a negro.

Limeylizzie August 29, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I pray to a really, really big Negro who will come down and smite all the bigots.

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2011 at 4:32 pm

If God looks like Michael Clarke Duncan, I'm gonna have to start going to church again.

Limeylizzie August 29, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I was hoping more Paul Robeson.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

[deleted and put as reply to comment]

Goonemeritus August 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

"The Wonkette editorial board just had a meeting "

And I just met with Calvin Klein to be their next underwear model.

LesPaultard August 29, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Hey, you gotta be at least 13 to post here.

TheSheriffsNear August 29, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Calvin Klein now offering "Plus Sizes". Who knew?

I keed, I keed!

Goonemeritus August 29, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I’m a middle aged corporate goon with an engineering degree, body mass is the least of my issues.

TheSheriffsNear August 29, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Right there with you, brother!

Middle-aged corporate goons, unite! You have nothing to lose but your ennui.

Where's Fight Club when you need it?

mayor_quimby August 29, 2011 at 8:54 pm

I heard there's one in Bemidji
Don't say who told you about it, Sir.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Well, that was certainly interesting. Pix or GTFO.

Tundra Grifter August 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm

"I was born here in Iowa; in Waterloo and Cedar Falls."

How can someone be born in two different places, unless it's on an airplane?

KenLayIsAlive August 29, 2011 at 1:30 pm

When you're crazy, all kinds of things can be real.

DustBowlBlues August 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm

It's like that bullet heard round the world that was fired from Lexington AND Concord and flew to NewHampshire then circled back to take aim at the British army which was in Mass.

Notice her Warrior Xians comment? Now I know some of the dog whistles (Thanks, Terry Gross and Fresh Air)

Pres.Beeblebrox August 29, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Also, "We serve a mighty God." As opposed to Mighty Dog.

Ramon X August 29, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Hmmmm… maybe even at birth a person can have third stage personality disassociation?

LettucePrey August 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

She's born again, silly!

DahBoner August 29, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Where the streets have no name.

They're still building the corn fields…

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:50 pm

First the meconium; then the sprog.

In MishMash's case, they clearly didn't separate them.

not that Dewey August 30, 2011 at 8:55 am

As the great Julian Cope once said, "let's keep the afterbirth, and throw the kid away."

DahBoner August 29, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Well, she was born in Cedar Falls.

And Waterloo is downstream from Cedar Falls.

That means, someone flushed….

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I think she said "Who likes what people?"

Trying to get the gay dudes in the crowd to admit they like other dudes, of course.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:51 pm

In which case, she's been trying that for nigh on 30 years, and it hasn't worked on Marcus yet.

nounverb911 August 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

‘Who Likes White People?’
Do they taste like chicken?

BTWBFDIMHO August 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Depens on which part you're eating.

DaRooster August 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Everything tastes like chicken… except raccoon, it tastes like rattlesnake… but rattlesnake tastes like chicken.

OneDollarJuana August 29, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Alligator is supposed to taste like chicken, but after eating it a couple of times, that must be one funky chicken.

emmelemm August 29, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Eh, they're pretty good if you put enough ketchup on 'em.

Pres.Beeblebrox August 29, 2011 at 9:10 pm

…to serve Man…

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 12:14 am

It's a COOKBOOK!

slithytoves August 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Jesus Christ. I am so goddamned tired of hearing about Jesus Christ. This presidential campaign has already drained away my will to live.

hollywooddood August 29, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Listen, the blond-haired, blue-eyed, white-skin Jesus loves you in spite of yourself.

Dashboard_Jesus August 30, 2011 at 2:23 am

hey hey hey, easy on the Jeebus hatin'…NOBODY fucks with the Jeebus! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xTqP58o1iw

Poindexter718 August 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Notwithstanding the racism, I enjoyed the artful raising her hand when asking the crowd a question to elicit them to do the same. Clearly this woman has trained atthe finest Toastmaster chapters in this great country.
Also: "…the creator of the universe, our lord and saviour Jesus Christ…"??? Now I'm no scholar of the gospels, but izn't her timeline a bit fekked up??

Gurkman August 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

nope, actually in the deeper portions of the NT it talks about that (John 1, Romans). Part of the whole coeternal with the father thing. Though I'm assuming she, like most Christianists, hasn't actually read any of the Bible, so it actually is a mistake.

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 9:52 am

I have vague memories, from my years in the evangelical ghetto, of going to some kind of sunday school where we memorized the major themes of the Bible in connection with hand signs. Of course, it was horribly simplistic, and I've learned far more about ancient near east literature and history and archaeology. But the dipshit simplistic stuff seems to lead to power in the USA. "The race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong nor money to the intelligent nor bread to the wise, but time and chance come to them all." I don't remember the hand signs for that verse.

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Among my multiple viewings of the video yesterday (yes, I do hate myself), I watched it once muted. She does have the arm-wavy, Toastmaster thing down pat.

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 1:43 pm

And her Jesus Christ, creator of the universe, may have to do with that whole Holy Trinity thingie that Tom Jefferson had these words to say about:

"Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; and no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity. It is the mere Abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus."

Of course, then again, she could just be a muff-mind Midwest psycho.

Poindexter718 August 29, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Hmmm, muff-mind Midwest psycho or learned scholar of the gnostic nature of the trinity in the tradition of Aquinas or Augustine–that's a tough one…

OneDollarJuana August 29, 2011 at 3:53 pm

I have a firm grasp of the Trinity. Jesus is his own dad, and is also his own creepy uncle.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:55 pm

AND — his creepy uncle is actually also his aunt. (What? The Holy Ghost is supposed to be the Shekhina.)

AJWjr. August 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm

WTF? I hate intense debate with the heat of a thousand sunlamps, this time they've gone too far.

The holy ghost is a seagull.

Dashboard_Jesus August 30, 2011 at 2:26 am

aaaw man, my uncle was just bein' 'friendly', don't hate on him

not that Dewey August 30, 2011 at 8:47 am

God darnit, Mr. Jefferson, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

zhubajie August 30, 2011 at 9:53 am

Can you imagine her reaction to the Jefferson Bible? Probably she'd shit herself to death.

Pres.Beeblebrox August 29, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Not if you're a Trinitarian, which some of these people are not. Deus est filius est spiritus sanctus est deus and all that.

Chet Kincaid August 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

God really showed Phyllis and the rest of those Steins!

El Pinche August 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I like your whitey, I do not like that whitey…

Allmighty_Manos August 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

The Wonkette editorial board just had a meeting and your editor Kirsten Boyd Johnson said, “She’s obviously referring ot the dumb band that played before her but forgot to mention the rest of the band’s name, because she’s an idiot.”

Good thing the Jews are Behind 9/11 Jazz Trio wasn't playing that day.

Ohforcripessake August 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Go to hel Michele

EatsBabyDingos August 29, 2011 at 1:20 pm

She really said "Who likes wheat people," who are like the Children of the Corn, but smaller and more chiggerly.

Limeylizzie August 29, 2011 at 1:34 pm

But less niggardly.

DustBowlBlues August 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Oh, how I would like to give you a dozen thumbs ups.

Pat_Pending August 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Chigger lovers?

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:56 pm

That's "cheegroly" to you, dood.

Sue4466 August 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I think we're over-thinking this. She really did mean "who likes white people?"

Bachman/Romney 2012. Defeat the black guy. Vote White People.

mormos August 29, 2011 at 1:22 pm

I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief now that she won the Iowa straw poll, given that no one who has won that has ever won the general election. Of course I still have that nagging fear at the back of my mind that there is a first time for everything.

zhubajie August 29, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Since it was the time for the oat harvest, probably it was oat straws who voted for her.

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2011 at 1:22 pm

She definitely was not saying "Who likes wit, people?"

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:57 pm

No, not even half-way.

StarsUponThars August 29, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Who likes white leggings?

elviouslyqueer August 29, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I noticed those too. My first thought was that Marcus didn't vet this outfit before she left the bus, or Michele got skeert by the word "Nude" on her Hanes hosiery.

Callyson August 29, 2011 at 1:24 pm

She was born in Waterloo *and* Cedar Falls? What, was she a six – mile long baby or something?
Well, that would explain things: her brain shrunk along with her body…

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm

She was born in Waterloo *and* Cedar Falls? What, was she a six – mile long baby or something?

Her species actually parasitizes tapeworms. True fact.

inapewetrust August 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

"who likes white people?"

well, whatever the answer is, you sure as shit aren't helping, michele.

ThundercatHo August 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Is it really "Wet People"? That would probably sell this weekend but "White People" definately speaks more to their target demographic. Also, Michele, go suck a herpetic cock. Cuntllista probably won't mind sharing.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:59 pm

That's cruel. It would take HOURS for Michele to find Newt's — even with magnifiers and tweezers.

Wut, you think he buys Callista Tiffany's bling because she's so satisfied with his cocksmanship?

Gurkman August 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm

White people are like normal people except they can't dance are are five minutes early to everything. STOP THE HATE!

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Michele makes it SO HARD!

And no, I'm not talking dick.

donner_froh August 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

"I didn't have a relationship with Jesus Christ." but then I met this cute, chubby, closeted guy…

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:00 pm

She shoulda looked for a cute guy with a chubby, instead.

x111e7thst August 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Oh look – a mad cow got up on the stage and it's shrieking gibberish.

DahBoner August 29, 2011 at 4:47 pm

She's a bloody bonkers cow….

RedneckMuslin August 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

I didn't read the book but saw the movie. Did she confuse Joshua w/ Jonathon? IS there a Jonathon in the Bible? I can't watch the video again but is that what happened?

inapewetrust August 29, 2011 at 1:38 pm

jonathan was king david's boyfriend during his experimental teen years.

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm

He was the apple of David's eye.

inapewetrust August 29, 2011 at 2:09 pm

or here's another alternate reading

ttommyunger August 29, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Jonathon, son of Saul, super (some say gay) friend of King-to-be-David. He and his armor bearer attacked and killed about 20 Philistines and reportedly turned the tide of battle against them in favor of Saul and his Army.

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I'm sure Jonathan is on Marcus's spiritual speed-dial to Heaven.

ttommyunger August 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I think Jonathon was a pretty stand up guy, gay or straight. I doubt he would piss on Marcus if he were on fire.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:03 pm

You were right! You DO read your Bible.

Goddammit, ttommy, is there anything you *don't* know? (No, I don't want to hear about how to filet a human.)

DustBowlBlues August 29, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Who knows? These people have created their own, bizarre version of the bible every bit as much as the Jeh. Witnesses. And would be as hated if they knocked on your door at 8:00 AM Saturday morning.

OneYieldRegular August 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

With an outfit and a voice like that, I don't think I'd be up there raging against the Philistines.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2011 at 1:28 pm

My gawd, she's got a "baby bump". Move over, Beyonce! Rick Parry's love child is in da house.

SexySmurf August 29, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Too many corn dogs, if you know what I mean.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Ha! I was wondering if I was guilty of wishful thinking. Maybe Marcus got a raging chublet thinking of her as Pres.

4tehlulz_lite August 29, 2011 at 1:30 pm

The band's name is "Up White People".

I know this because of the DVDs they sell at the local video store, which for some reason, has tinted glass.

SmutBoffin August 29, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Maybe the band was "Whitey Peeples' Afro-Carribean Riddims" or something. Why do you libunatics just assume white-bread, scapegoating, christian dominionists are all racists?

smashaduck August 29, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Proudest moment, folks. Proudest moment. Well except that time I found out I'm white.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2011 at 1:39 pm

" You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?"

MissusBarry August 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Attempts to do otherwise may result in turning Boner-Orange.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I bet you were *born* a poor, black child, though.

elviouslyqueer August 29, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Wait. Is she talking about David and Jonathan, as in "the Bible's first and bestest homo couple" David and Jonathan? HAHAHAHAHA. Exegetical oops +1, Shelley.

ttommyunger August 29, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I was thinking the same thing. Irony anyone?

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I have to admit, I didn't think you ungodly bastards would have the first fucking clue wut's in the Bible. I am impressed.

No, I am not a Xtian. But I did go to Catholic school for years, and it's required reading.

ttommyunger August 29, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I read it daily, have for years. Have read it cover to cover many times, almost every translation available.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 12:26 am

There you have the better of me, sir, although I would welcome further conversation on this topic. Let me know if you can afford the time.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Black Jesus must have wept.

Polythene_Pam August 29, 2011 at 1:34 pm

She was saying 'wet people' ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfYVOLy-qPY ).

But, still, wouldn't that be a good name for a band?

LettucePrey August 29, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Yes, she actually said "wet people". She was speaking in a rainstorm. If you watch the whole (unedited) thing, she says "We have the God of the winds and the rain" right after. This clip cuts that part out, and prints "Who likes white people" across the top.

This kind of editing and manufactured outrage is the kind of thing the right does. Bachmann is already enough of a whackjob without having to publish dishonest videos like this. Now Faux News is going to have a hay day with us.

Sorry, Wonkette.

Chet Kincaid August 29, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Thor was there?

PuckStopsHere August 29, 2011 at 6:34 pm

How about the "Average Wet Band." They could get the cake that got left out in the rain…and we'll never have that recipe again, etc.

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 1:35 pm

No snark, I saw this video yesterday and spent some considerable time Googling a band named "White People". There actually is/was one, but I can't find any record of it since 2010 and it wasn't an Xtian music band, either, so I suspect this was some corn-fed local group.

I did have to pour a big cup of lemon-scented Drano in my ears after listening multiple times to that women screeching on the video, just to make sure she was saying white people. How do people listen to her for more than 30 seconds at a time?? Listening to her for longer than that could make you a 'tard if you weren't already one!

Angry_Marmot August 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Albino libel!

fuflans August 29, 2011 at 2:24 pm

god i thought EXACTLY the same thing. i don't usually listen to any bachmann vids (for the sanity) but today i got distracted by comments and didn't want to lose my place to shut her up and next thing i know i've lost my mind from the MN shrill.

seriously she gives snowbilly a run for the money.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Hum-uh-nuh hum-uh-nuh … wut?

donner_froh August 29, 2011 at 1:35 pm

"Who likes wide people?"

Lots of other wide people in Iowa.

Polythene_Pam August 29, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I want to know what's under the blue tarp in front of her

donner_froh August 29, 2011 at 1:39 pm

The guy hands her the microphone and she says "Thank you, Jesus."

He must have been Hispanic.

DaRooster August 29, 2011 at 2:40 pm

"Now get back to cutting the lawn."

Swampgas_Man August 29, 2011 at 5:11 pm

It's pronounced HAY-Zoos.

Beowoof August 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Wow is Michele going to be surprised when she meets Jesus. A middle eastern Jewish liberal with brown skin.

DaRooster August 29, 2011 at 2:41 pm

And she'll probably say something like,"You can get a really good tan out in the desert huh?"

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Knowing Michele, she's much more likely to ask "Does it come off?" And I don't mean his robe.

zhubajie August 29, 2011 at 8:19 pm

"I am black and beautiful" has been considered a prophetic description of Jesus for millenia.

NewYorkJew August 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm

David says,

"I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women." (2 Samuel 1:26)

It's all about queer boys, Michele!

Porter Melmoth August 29, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Marcus works in mysterious ways.

T_Trent August 30, 2011 at 9:04 pm

You know, when you post under a name like "New York Jew," and then lash out at others, while mishearing the real content, which turns out to be untrue as reported in your sleazy forums, what is it that you say to redeem yourself? That you have no obligation to redeem yourself — what — based on your identity? Your queerness? Who do you apologize to first?

You apologize to us all, pal. Start apologizing. One by one. We're all waiting. Redeem yourself and grow up, using your real name this time. Because there's no man smaller than the man who hides behind an anonymous false accusation.

Or maybe you feel comfortable there. Let us know either way. We're sick of such lies and accusations. Child.

lulzmonger August 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm

As a Philistine in good standing, I have to say: despite Michele's hair-raising testimonial to the contrary … unless they run me over with their War Scooters, her Jeebus Posse ain't gonna disturb a hair on my ass.

Also, Gitmo just got another free sonic torture sample!

[ /glasshalffull? ]

powersuit August 29, 2011 at 2:09 pm

ha ha "war scooters" FTW!

MissusBarry August 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm

"…I'm a member of Congress and running for the presidency of the United States and I'm here to talk to you about…" Shouldn't this fucking sentence end with something, anything, other than Jesus Fucking Christ? If I wanted somebody to talk to me about Jesus Fucking Christ, I'd go to church. Something I do not do willingly except for weddings (and, if I could tastefully skip the Jesus Fucking Christ part and head straight to the open bar part, I most certainly would).

PuckStopsHere August 29, 2011 at 6:37 pm

George Bush? (By process of elimination, Kayne.)

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2011 at 1:41 pm

You know who else likes white people?

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 1:45 pm

George Lincoln Rockwell?

metamarcisf August 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Michele Bachmann?

GeorgiaBurning August 29, 2011 at 1:50 pm

cannibals in New Guinea?

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Everyone in Idaho?

GOPCrusher August 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

John Birch?

hollywooddood August 29, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Michael Jackson before he went to heaven?

Radiotherapy® August 29, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Advertisers?

Monsieur_Grumpe August 29, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Wonder Bread?

Pat_Pending August 29, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Cleavon Little?

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Just de wimminz.

elviouslyqueer August 29, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Hannibal Lecter?

iburl August 29, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Johnny Winter?

HelmutNewton August 29, 2011 at 3:17 pm

David Duke?

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Alligators?

GregComlish August 29, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Tiger Woods?

Negropolis August 29, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Lee Atwater?

Well, he didn't so much as like white people as much as he liked winning. Amoral evil-ass was amoral.

not that Dewey August 30, 2011 at 8:53 am

Randy Newman? No, wait. That was short people. Nevermind.

tihond August 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm

White people pander like this *makes crazy eyes*

nappyduggs August 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm

"God is not partial!"
BUT MY LOBOTOMY IZZZZZZZZ!!!11!

Radiotherapy® August 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm

It's not like she dressed up exactly like Hitler or anything.

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 1:57 pm

You must have missed this picture of Hitler.

BlueStateLibel August 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Even if she's saying "Who likes wet people," it's still pretty insensitive, considering that half the state of New Jersey is currently under water.

ttommyunger August 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I noticed the band members behind her were riveted by her spiel. BTW, Ken, Jesus was Semitic, but not an Arab. He was a Jew, at least on his mother's side.

zhubajie August 29, 2011 at 8:22 pm

There were Arab Jews back then.

ttommyunger August 29, 2011 at 11:46 pm

There are Jews of all persuasions, but I doubt either Jews or Arabs would want to claim Jesus was an Arab.

Negropolis August 30, 2011 at 12:03 am

Nearly everyone in that area was a Semite, but the entire first part of the book of Matthew traces his lineage back through a whole bunch of Hebrews.

WhatTheHeck August 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Jesus is the Karl Rove of 2012 election campaign.
I wonder if Jesus will be as ruthless as Karl?

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Jesus wept.

DahBoner August 29, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Jesus wet.

ttommyunger August 29, 2011 at 1:52 pm

So, I guess this yammering cunt couldn't quite hack it as a TeeVee Evangelist so she is going for the low-hanging fruit: politics. I can see why she can't hack it as the former, still can't figure out how she stays in office for the latter….Oh wait, I forgot. Americans are morons.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I'm trying to figure out how a gay man, especially one so deeply closeted as Marcus, could possibly bear to fuck something that noisome. And I mean that in the ear-splitting nasal whiniest sort of way.

ttommyunger August 29, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I don't think that's part of their deal.

Guppy06 August 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

White people are people too, my friend

flamingpdog August 29, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Considering that large corporations are mostly white people, I think you may have something there.

NorthStarSpanx August 29, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, I can't hear a thing she says because I just can't get past those hose and shoes. . .does that make me shallow?

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Yes. But between the white-white-white pantyhosed legs and the black-black-black strappy leather sandals, who can blame you? Those neon legs almost obscured her eardrum-drilling voice.

mayor_quimby August 29, 2011 at 8:59 pm

I think it is to not offend the fundies – skin tone hose are the mark of a harlot, obvs.

NorthStarSpanx August 29, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Then I long for the days where Hillary wore sensible pant-suits!

DustBowlBlues August 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

"Fair of face" David? Bathsheba's David? Only bible figure who is singled out as HOT David? Now it's all making sense. Pluck shit out of the old and new testaments and stitch them together to fit your weird right wing world view.

DerrickWildcat August 29, 2011 at 2:06 pm

What the heck is a, "Prayer Meeting?"

DerrickWildcat August 29, 2011 at 2:07 pm

By the way, what the fuck is she going on about. I couldn't make heads or tails of it.

DaRooster August 29, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Pretty ingenious plan huh?

PuckStopsHere August 29, 2011 at 6:38 pm

That is because you watched it.

Chet Kincaid August 29, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Droll!

Maman August 29, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Again with Old Testement? What is it with these Christians? Doesn't Jesus have something to say on the subject?

Monsieur_Grumpe August 29, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Can you get diabetes from too much Jesus?

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Didja eat him?

not that Dewey August 30, 2011 at 9:01 am

He *is* pretty sweet…

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 11:57 am

Just don't eat any, and yer probly safe.

Redhead August 29, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Is it just me or does that arm/hand placement as she's saying "Who likes white people?" look suspiciously heil-Hitlerish? Or did I watch too much Dr. Who this weekend?

JustPixelz August 29, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I'm not one of those snooty elitist intellectuals who's actually read the Bible, so maybe the wisdom of the wonkette can help me.

MB says "praise the creator of the universe, our lord and savior, Jesus Christ". I thought God created the universe in 6 days (then rested on the 7th). A few thousand years later, he knocks up Mary. Jesus is born (half-man, half-god, like Hercules) and preaches his hippie stuff.

So is MB incorrectly giving Jesus credit for creation? Like saying Paul Revere wanted a lower capital gains tax? Or did Jesus create the universe and his Dad? I'm confuzed.

WhatTheHeck August 29, 2011 at 3:01 pm

The story evolves over time.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"In the beginning was the Word" — John 1:1
"He was with God in the beginning" — a little later in John 1:1, implying this 'other' hanging out with the Big Guy
"[Christ is] the Word [who] became flesh and dwelt among us" — John 1:14

It's a trinity thing Christians use to remedy the conundrum, working with the Greek "logos" interpretation, a helping of Plato's tripartite theory, a scintilla of multiple personality disambiguation, and a dash of "…Thank Him/Them/It that these scriptures were only 5% pooped out by raving mystics."

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Alternatively, Patrick Farley and Apocamon.

Porter Melmoth August 29, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Never, ever, was that immortal utterance from the Firesign Theatre more applicable to a person than our Ms. MeeShill: HOW CAN YOU BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE, WHEN YOU'RE NOT ANYWHERE AT ALL?

PS: I'm afraid MeeShill's voice is just too SHRILL for sustained, long-haul Elmer Gantryism.

metamarcisf August 29, 2011 at 3:31 pm

She's no fun. She fell right over.

HelmutNewton August 29, 2011 at 3:15 pm

She was born in Waterloo AND Cedar Falls?!? Did they re-assemble her afterwards like Frankenstein's monster?

Gleem_McShineys August 29, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Maybe they tried to send her back, and it took a while before she escaped a second time.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2011 at 3:23 pm

This makes my ears bleed… I can't get past the 20-second mark. The mere thought of hearing her screech about the invisible guy in the sky only adds to the horror.

metamarcisf August 29, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I see wet people.

thefrontpage August 29, 2011 at 3:35 pm

The band is actually called White People and Gay Husbands.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 3:37 pm

How can anyone listen to that nasal whine without wanting to ram sharpened chopsticks through both ears?

Maybe that's the secret to her success. The Oldz who comprise her audience are deef as posts. All they hear is a faint, high-pitched whine. Whenever it stops, they applaud, and her minions bring them roast-beef sundaes as a reward.

fuflans August 29, 2011 at 3:52 pm

i meant to say this earlier: she and perry just give me the willies. the certainty, the righteousness, the willingness to ignore everyone who is not the same.

these people are so palpably unqualified to be president of these vast and varied united states.

joobajooba August 29, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Well, the lineup for the Spirit Midwest Christian Music Festival (like Woodstock, but not, and in Iowa), does not list a band called "White People." There is a "Jason" Dezurik on the on the bill. He's the founder of "Worldview Warriors." http://spiritmidwest.com/festival/TruthTalkStage….
Oh, there's also a band called "Manafest." Just sayin.

MichelesPantalones August 29, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Oh, I'm so sure. Sissymarys.

zappadoo76 August 29, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I am losing my sexual attraction for Michele Bachmann.

mayor_quimby August 29, 2011 at 9:13 pm

It's cool, a little mescaline and viagra will re-light your fire.
Use the fire to set your eyes alight, it'll dull the pain.

Karma_Suture August 29, 2011 at 4:14 pm

If I may plagiarize:
"We like our God on a Stick™."

DahBoner August 29, 2011 at 4:45 pm

"Who likes white people?"

Uh…people who fantasize about giant Q-tips????

lochnessmonster August 29, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Thanks for the link but I can't put my ears through listening to her.

GregComlish August 29, 2011 at 5:31 pm

"Mmmm, I loves me some white women"

Tommmcatt August 29, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I find that white people have a piquant, tangy flavor absent in other humans, particularly when roasted.

What?

PuckStopsHere August 29, 2011 at 6:41 pm

I gonna get me a gun and shoot every whitey I see.
I'm gonna get me a gun and shoot every whitey I see.
Cause when I shoot every whitey I see….Whitey he won't bother me.
I'm gonna get me a gun and shoot every whitey I see.

Negropolis August 30, 2011 at 12:04 am

I don't know about white people, but I loves me some White Stripes and they're white people, ergo I do know about white people and I like many of them.

Wonkette logic epic WIN, amirite?

bumr50 August 30, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Wonkette hearing FAIL.

Thanks for attempting to fulfill your role as 'race police,' though. It's good to know that someone is hard on the case.

Please accept your 'Al Sharpton Award' for pursuing "hidden racism" with the zeal of a Salem Witch Juror. (Feel free to PWN Christine O'Donnell at this point – she doesn't take hints well apparently)

ArmandoG2001 August 30, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Wonkette caught again in another lie. Remember when you were relevant; long, long , long ago?

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Uh, did you see the update and link to the correction? The video was made by some random YouTube user; Wonkette's editors didn't lie, just got taken in.

ArmandoG2001 August 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Uh I guess Wonky doesn't listen or watch her own website because she hadf Bachman saying "White people" on the website. Like I said
Wonkette + relevant = no longer applicable

DashboardBuddha August 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Remember when your mom was pretty? Yeah, me neither. Go away you little tick.

L188188 August 30, 2011 at 12:45 pm

And now the Youtube video is "private".

MarkNick August 30, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Know what's funny? I'd never even heard of wonkette.com until Breitbart.tv pointed out this ridiculous attempt to twist a statement of gratitude for rain. Ya'll be sure to send Andrew a Thank You card; I have a feeling your number of viewers just skyrocketed.

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Mishearing a statement and twisting it are not the same thing. And of course Breitbart has never twisted other people's statements to make it look like they said something different than what they really said, no never.

BTW, has that vile piece of shit apologized to Shirley Sherrod yet? How about ACORN?

PoliTech August 30, 2011 at 2:49 pm

"BTW, has that vile piece of shit apologized to Shirley Sherrod yet? How about ACORN?"

Yes! The Obama administration has apologised for forcing Shirley Sherrod to resign before even being allowed to give her side of the story. Although you are correct that the Obama administration has not yet apoligised to ACORN for signing the bill that cut their funding.

Good catch!

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Yes, because the Obama administration were credulous and followed the slanderous videos that evil slanderous criminal douchebag James O'Keefe made and that vile racist cocksucker Breitbart posted and promoted. And neither one of those sleezebags has apologized for this or any of their other lies.

PoliTech August 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm

"And neither one of those sleezebags has apologized for this or any of their other lies."

Neither? The Obama administration has more than just two people in it.

BlueStateLibel August 30, 2011 at 2:58 pm

If the new viewers are from Breitbart, unfortunately, the average IQ will plummet…

johnnyzhivago August 30, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Ugly shoes!!!!

datechguy August 30, 2011 at 8:34 pm

24 hours and still no correction or apology. Wonkette keeps it's record of quality reporting intact

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Except for the fact that there is a correction right up there.

imissopus August 30, 2011 at 10:20 pm

One hour in and still no apology for not reading the goddamn title. Datechguy keeps his record of being a giant douche canoe intact.

Troglodeity August 31, 2011 at 6:30 pm

It's "its," you gigantic douchenozzle.

dhydar August 30, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Here's a link with the actual video –> http://patterico.com/2011/08/29/anatomy-of-a-poli

APlumber August 30, 2011 at 10:56 pm

WOW. I didn't believe it, but now I've seen it. That's low, man. Aren't there enough legitimate targets in the GOP, that you've gotta sink this low?

Never. Visit. Wonkette. Again.

HiredMind August 30, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Do you people ever get tired of Wonkette continuously lying to you? Do you ever have a moment where you stop and ask, "Is that right, or is Wonkette just telling me yet another fib?"

They will take on toddlers, they will make up phony quotes, they will take 3 or 4 words out of context and twist them to the breaking point. They insult your intelligence more and more with every post. Is there never a point where you ask yourself "Can these people really be believed any more???"

princetrumpet August 31, 2011 at 12:09 am

I love when Wonkette refers to someone as an idiot when it's clear that she doesn't know enough to get her facts straight.

She said "wet people" clear as day. But I guess being an idiot means being hard of hearing, too.

gvandalay August 31, 2011 at 9:23 am

Wonkette is committing Libel here and should be sued. This is not the first time they have done disgusting things on this site. ala making fun of a Down Syndrome baby.

cnredd August 31, 2011 at 9:52 am

This is the standard Michael Moore technique…If you have 10 reasons not to like someone, make up 40 more in case the first 10 aren't convincing enough…

cnredd
Political Wrinkles http://politicalwrinkles.com

wjbiii August 31, 2011 at 2:40 pm

You're a despicable piece of shit, Ken Layne. I knew this seven years ago when you had the nerve to get up on your hind-legs with me in e-mail about Norman R. Morrison.

I'll never believe you're a big enough idiot to do what you did here with that video. You know exactly what you're doing, and that's what makes you such a goddamned disgusting crumb.

And if you had a shred of honor, you would come see me in person about this. I know better than to expect that from you.

Fucking cockroach.

Troglodeity August 31, 2011 at 6:28 pm

"This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by John Wayne Gacy McTaint."

Thedongsofwar September 1, 2011 at 8:11 am

She's really a Freemason asking "who likes whet people".

tonycoza September 4, 2011 at 6:18 pm

this is the first time i have visited this website and i just love all you witty little funny people. when it comes to republicans wonkette lies ALL the time, and i can tell by the comments i have read regarding this particular lie that your audience just loves it!! here is the real funny part; obama is a complete failure, and as it turns out, not very smart. millions of people cannot find work because this failure of a president, took all the money from thestimulus and used it to keep all of his thugs and cronies on the payroll. hiiarious!!michelle bachman has accomplished more in the last 10 years than this affirmative action president EVER will. by the way, next time you go on rachel madow's show, please just ask her out and get it over w/.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 12:12 am

If gawd looks (and, more importantly, sounds) like Paul Robeson, hell, I'm gonna start going to church too.

BarackMyWorld August 30, 2011 at 3:56 am

That'd explain a lot.

ttommyunger August 30, 2011 at 9:55 am

I am better than no one, least of all you. I am among the worst of men, having lived well beyond my usefulness for reasons that I am unaware of. If you choose to address me as sir due to my advanced age, that is a matter of your choice or upbringing, but I don't accept any position superior to you or anyone else, except maybe Rick Santorum.

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 12:20 pm

My friend, far be it from me to cede the slightest sliver of superiority to anyone. Yes, by choice and by upbringing, I will call you "sir," as a mark of respect for your advanced years. And it is beyond dispute that you are a more advanced lifeform than Santorum, Cheney, and a good many other Republicans, although, quite honestly, most dolphins, whales, and other big-brained mammals could justifiably claim superiority to those schlumps also.

What I *meant,* however, was only that you had read far more widely in that particular field than I, and I would welcome further discussion on religion. I'm intrigued by religious belief, having only recently (well, at our age, a decade ago is pretty damn recent) turned to atheism. But I would really like to discuss this subject further with you, if you can spare the time and energy. As I've said before, you are under no obligation to satisfy my idle curiousity, but I would appreciate the exchange.

ttommyunger August 30, 2011 at 12:25 pm

I don't hold much truck with religion, but am always open to the possibility of learning something of the spiritual world. Send your thoughts to ttommyunger@gmail.com at your leisure.

user-of-owls August 31, 2011 at 12:49 am

poopyhead.

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