Everyone Agrees Gore Presidency Would’ve Been About the Same As Bush

  new study proves it

Fake pictures: Meerkats are smarter than the people who take these polls.American voters now agree that an Al Gore presidency would’ve hardly been different from the disastrous eight-year reign of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. See, we really have learned some stuff from Barack Obama! The latest weird Vanity Fair/CBS News poll of random questions proves that 56% of our people say a Gore-Lieberman White House would’ve been “not much different” than the venal plunder and racist war of the Bush Administration’s epic insanity. There’s not a huge difference of opinion across party lines, either: 57% of Republicans and 48% of Democrats sadly agree that there’s no real contrast between the ruling parties other than maybe “being a little bit more obvious about their intentions,” with Republicans winning that particular personality contest.

What else did the random Bar Trivia video game come up with for this month’s survey?

40 PERCENT SAY THEY HAVE FILED FOR UNEMPLOYMENT AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES

MORE THAN HALF BELIEVE A NUCLEAR ATTACK WILL OCCUR DURING THEIR LIFETIME

55 PERCENT ARE PROUD TO STAND OUT AS AMERICANS WHEN TRAVELING ABROAD

Those 55% are self-described Republicans, and also they’ve probably never been out of the country. (Parking your car at the border south of San Diego and shining your headlights at potential Mexicans doesn’t count, no matter how many times the right-wing douche-clods at the local talk radio station play a riff from a 1970s rock song about taking drugs while telling you an impoverished Mestizo willing to pick lettuce for less than minimum wage is the problem with Our Economy.) [Vanity Fair/CBS News]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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156 comments

  1. vulpes82

    Ken, you're backsliding! Step away from the Internet before you drag us all down into the Pit of Despair again!

    1. orygoon

      I'd rather spend an afternoon in Texas with a roofing crew today than relive the despair of the last months of 2000.

      Or the eight years that followed.

  2. OC_Surf_Serf

    there’s no real contrast….Bleach is pretty close to sugar…

    Imagine NOT waging two wars, freeways of small 50mpg cars, a SS lock-box, a functioning FEMA, NO BUSH TAX CUTS and debt being paid down…

    1. chicken_thief

      But where would we be without the infamous Cheney quotes – "go fuck yourself" and "so what?" ?

      1. Rotundo_

        I would love to know where they are sampling. I know idiots are everywhere, but there are actually people who think Al Gore would have fucked things up to the extent that Dubya did? I'm thinking at least one less stupid war, the tax cuts for the wealthy might have been mitigated if not eliminated and maybe, just maybe we might have accomplished something on the financial regulatory front. The way things look now, it will really take complete global financial ruin to budge the idiots into getting a leash on the banks again.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          For over a decade now, I've been amassing my own data on this, and I know a shitload of people both IRL and virtually. Either they're all fucking lying, or not a single one of them, from Massachusetts to TX has EVER been part of a poll. Ever. It's always possible that there is a town somewhere in the heartland that has been designated the Official Poll Sample For America, but. I take it from your response that you have never participated in a poll of this sort either. Could you ask all your friends and acquaintances if any of them have? You know, just out of curiousity and what-all.

      1. MichelesPantalones

        God I love Frank so much.

        And, for the size queens in the audience, the man had a dick the size of a horse's.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      In the years before his death, I understand Frank and Tipper made up. She's a dim bulb anyway. But Moon Unit let her sit in on drums for something she did.

  3. Crank_Tango

    Yes, because the Clinton presidency was EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME as the one that succeeded it.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      We're a nation of inbred morons who primarily obsorb new data from the voices on AM radio and what we read on the bottom of Snapple caps. Is it any wonder we're led by fools and charlatans? Wingnuts are by far the leaders of this stupid parade but lefties aren't too far behind. We convinced ourselves that both Clintons were Republicans and one of them was a monster. Not saying which one. We will soon be so dumb that we'll forego the need for a formal language. We'll communicate through a combination of grunts and upfists/downfists.

    2. GhostBuggy

      This, exactly. One of my best friends was, at the time, really into the Green Party and Ralph Nader. Which is fine, if that's what most closely represents your ideals. But he would go on and on about how Gore and Bush were the same, they were just puppets controlled by the same puppeteer, etc. Then Bush "won" and now we have endless war forever.

  4. MissusBarry

    So, the rethugs are more transparent about the nonconsensual corn syrup lube buttsecks they bring us and only in the closet about the rent boy buttsecks they so love?

  5. Ducksworthy

    Barry. The evidence is mounting that there is still plenty of room move boldly to the left. Compromising with the enemies of the republic is just not going to work out.

    Actual people would give you money if you did this, although corporate persons maybe not so much.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      You forget who has more money. He will definitely get boatloads of money for corporate whoring. Our $20 bills all added up won't equal a single of those boatloads.

  6. SmutBoffin

    The meerkat in the picture is signing up for a mortgage on her burrow, ca. 2003.

    Bristol Palin lives there now.

    1. Angry_Marmot

      Meerkats are socially aware, intelligent, self-sacrificing, will work for hours to find a meal… Man has that neighborhood gone downhill.

  7. tihond

    While I'm sure we might still have got involved in Afghanistan, I really don't get why people think Gore would have invaded Iraq. The Neo-Cons were wanking it to the idea of invading Iraq from the moment Bush was elected.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      And I'm not even sure that we'd have gone to Afganistan. Probably, and we'd probably have complained that dems were sell outs. BUT imagine….no war in Iraq, decr. terrorists magically appearing because we're in Iraq, no financial meltdown. (I think, being fact based would've helped a lot if the economy started going down….which, since we would not have had Bush tax cuts and at least one war off the books, may not have happened.)

      I'm boring today, I realize.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      I'm pretty sure 9/11 wouldn't've happened at all — not because Gore was brilliant or anything, but because a president who was at least half-reasonable would've heeded the warnings in time to mobilize our intelligence and law enforcement apparatus to do something, and the 9/11 Report makes clear that there was enough evidence lying around that it would've been picked up on.

      1. MichelesPantalones

        There's a headline over at Raw Story or HuffPo or summat about how Bouchebag was SO VERY SURPRISED that 9/11 ever happened. Which, of course, just underlines the fact that the pathetic little dick paid no attention whatsoever to all the intel "chatter" we were picking up. I would like to kick him in the nuts until both my feet hurt, and then punch him in them for a few hours more.

  8. edgydrifter

    One difference is that Gore would have been blamed and condemned for 9/11. Probably impeached, too.

    1. freakishlywrong

      He, nor his administration, wouldn't be out shilling a shitload of books re-writing history, neither. No how.

      1. mumbly_joe

        Speaking of which, how DARE Obama blame Bush for the economic collapse, just because it happened while Bush was in office, in an economy that Bush had presided over for 7 years, by that point.

    2. pdiddycornchips

      Can you imagine what Limbaugh and the rest of the noise machine would have done with that one?

    1. SexySmurf

      Not true. If McCain was president, no one would give two tits about the budget deficit. But the US would still be bombing Libya (though McCain would probably be on MoMo's side).

    1. Beowoof

      Damn I remember standing on street corner in Paris, outside Gare Montparnarsse on the Boulvard de Pastuer, and feeling mortified as the Murican was telling the vendor he was from Texas and knew that pizza slices was (his word) bigger in Texas. To this day I regret not going over and apologizing to the vendor for that Texas douche bag's rudeness.

  9. Pragmatist2

    New rule: if your last name is a noun, you can't be president:
    Bush, Gore, Ford, Carter, Hoover (for you Brits) and don't forget Johnson – all gone.

    1. chicken_thief

      From listening to Faux, I learned that "Obama" in Kenyan means "Manchurian Candidate", which I think is a noun but then, I didn't do so good in grammer….

    2. savethispatient

      All of them except Bush and (probably) Johnson are verbs too… that makes them doubly-disqualified, no?

    3. mumbly_joe

      So no more Lincoln, either? Not sure I'm okay with that.

      Alternatively, this means that Nixon became dictator for life, just like in Watchmen, right?

      1. Pragmatist2

        Actually, since Lincoln was elected before "Lincoln" was a car name, I believe he would not eb disqualified thank to my fine lawyerly distinction.

  10. OneYieldRegular

    "55 PERCENT ARE PROUD TO STAND OUT AS AMERICANS WHEN TRAVELING ABROAD"

    The pride is utterly unnecessary. This same 55% is instantly identifiable as American thanks to the volume of their voices, the carelessness of their attire, and their oblivious, entitled impatience with the "foreigners" who unwittingly serve as their hosts.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      How do they stand out? Is it the 'Mercan flags on the scooters or the scooters themselves?

  11. Allmighty_Manos

    I think the readers thought the were being asked if the Obama presidency would have been about the same as Bush's.

  12. EatsBabyDingos

    I'm sure the Fox Gnus (new motto: Bewilderbeasts United) will conclude that Gore caused the 14 trillion dollar mess. And the pain and itch of hemmorrhoidal tissue.

  13. Callyson

    When I tried to open the Vanity Fair link, my computer momentarily crashed. Coincidence…or do 57% of Americans have something to hide?

    1. chicken_thief

      Excellent point! No tale of Jar Fetus with Dubya in the WH! And the world needed that story to be told.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      All I know is, in my whole life I have *never* ever received a single call from any pollsters, and neither has anyone that I know. Maybe they really are only polling the idiots. (No, I'm not one. I know this for a fact. Jeez. Doubting Thomases.)

  14. Angry_Marmot

    Polls like this make me approach my teaching year with the thought, "I'm gonna need a bigger boat."

  15. BarackMyWorld

    Most respondents also agree that a Goldwater presidency would've been mostly the same as LBJ's second term, except for the "no Great Society" and "probable nuclear holocaust" parts.

  16. ThundercatHo

    Next time we have to hear about one of these dumbass surveys I want a video of Richard Dawson announcing the results plus a light-up scoreboard and some shitferbrains breeders bouncing up and down.

  17. charlesdegoal

    From Truman to Obama, my contemporaries and I have happily survived, grown, procreated, gained weight, complained, read the newspapers and fornicated. Would I rather have lived under Louis XIII, Louis XIV or Louis XV? We're just grains of sand that some higher power kicks up in the air every now and then. Presidents are tiny creatures in the greater universe. They count for shit.

  18. freakishlywrong

    Retardlican President fucks up entire country and world? Re-brand! Become an "Independent" or a "tea partier". Then, return same Retardlicans back to majority in the house, watch them behave moronically and childishly, and watch in horror as their poll numbers fall to an historic low. Then, get the media to do stupid polls like this, emphasizing the lack of difference between the two parties, because Retardlicans managed to tarnish themselves again by attempting to govern. They're exactly alike!

  19. V572 T-Blow

    How to stand out like a proud American when travelling abroad:

    (1) Wear shorts and flip-flops on all occasions and in any venue. Your comfort is more important than anyone else's.
    (2) Exhibit at every opportunity your firm belief that foreigners could understand English if it were only spoken loudly enough.
    (3) Throng to McDonalds and the like to avoid eating frightening foreign foods.
    (4) Demand ice in your drink, and not just one crummy clear cube handled with tongs like it's radioactive.
    (5) Express outrage when an order for a Martini in Italy produces a glass of Vermouth.
    (6) Decry the awful Socialist burden of VAT on your souvenir purchases, vow to recover it when you return, and fail to do so because it's too complicated.
    (7) Insist on taking off your shoes flip-flops at the airport, despite signs in English telling you not to do so.

    1. genxr

      (8) Demand free refills, and if you don't get free refills complain about your rights, and threaten to call the American Embassy.
      (9) Say, "I bet you wish you had the best health care system in the world, like we do."

      1. V572 T-Blow

        Your comment got there before I could add "Never fail to explain to English-speaking foreigners the superiority of the American version of any- and everything, except health care and pensions, cuz you'll lose that argument.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          They would lose the argument if they ever bothered to fucking listen to anybody. Too many times, I've been in an argument with some idiot who insisted the health care system in the US was better, even while they're getting a cut-rate, but state-of-the-art triple coronary bypass someplace like Singapore, Malaysia, or Thailand.

    2. freakishlywrong

      Gripe loudly about the god-damned ferrin' money and how the duskies are ripping you off, and remember when a goddamn dollar was good anywhere?

      1. MichelesPantalones

        Oh, yeah, I remember a couple of friends visiting. They kept making fun of the money because "it's all these different colours and sizes, it's like play money." Of course, foreigners here have the exact opposite complaint. "Ohmygod, why didn't you tell me I gave that guy a $20 bill for something worth $5? All your money looks exactly alike!"

      2. MichelesPantalones

        What really pisses me off is when some yob from Buttfuck Texas tries to bargain with some native person who makes less in one year than yon slob makes in a day. That just makes me want to rip their heads off and stuff them up their own arses.

          1. MichelesPantalones

            How like an academic to go straight to the heart of the argument and winkle out the flaw therein!

    3. MichelesPantalones

      (X+1) When in Asia, enter any temple, house of worship, or shrine with your giant SippyCup of Coke in one hand and your burger in the other. Pretend you don't understand what all the small gesticulating people mean when they say "No shoes! No shoes!"

      (X+2) Always let your native hosts pick up the bill. It's OK for you to pick the restaurant (McDonalds) and order, but it makes them feel generous to pay.

      (X+3) Remember that small, pretty native women dream all their lives of being manhandled by a fat lardass like you. Grab for their boobies, it makes them giggle. Ignore their feeble attempts to push you away. They HAVE to do that in public.

      (X+4) Always offer a bite of your ham sandwich to your native hosts, even if they are Jewish or Muslim. It's only polite for them to refuse, so keep insisting.

  20. OneDollarJuana

    Oh come now. While Cheney and Lieberman are both back-stabbing, hypocritical narcissists, there is no evidence, circumstantial or otherwise, that Lieberman has ever had whistle-blowers murdered.

  21. Goonemeritus

    The average American knows more about how to roast a chicken on a bear can than the political platform of either party.

    1. Guppy06

      Can you blame them when the platforms are a paradox?

      Democrats: "We are in favor of everything the Republicans are in favor of."

      Republicans: "We oppose everything the Democrats are in favor of."

      And the Capitol disappeared in a puff of logic.

  22. Ayn Rand Paul Tard

    Well it is a Vanity Fair/60 Minutes joint poll. Before you take it I think you're require to prove you haven't paid attention to politics since that nice man Reagan was president and that you're over 90.

  23. Weenus299

    At some point Al Gore would've declared war on Texas, but that would've been fun and exciting.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      First we got the bomb, and that was good
      'Cause we believe in motherhood

      We'll try to remain cool and calm
      When Alabama gets the bomb, who's next?

  24. ManchuCandidate

    Instead of VP Dick, it would have been VP Lieberman. Both would have cheerleaded a mess into Iraqinam, but I think Al Gore might have stayed away from there and saved a lot of lives and some 3 Trillion in China Bucks.

    On the other hand, no Preznit Barry and instead perhaps Preznit… barf… Shithead Joe.

  25. owhatever

    After failing to win the presidency, George W. Bush made an award-winning documentary about the danger of eating pretzels alone.

    1. Rotundo_

      He would still be gubner of Tejas or maybe the old man would get him the baseball comissioner gig he lusts for.

  26. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm sure that Al Gores deregulation of the banking industry and his wars agasint polar bears would have runined this country too.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Also, too. That putrid little fuckwit. I hate him with the heat of ten million suns.

  27. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    55 PERCENT ARE PROUD TO STAND OUT AS AMERICANS WHEN TRAVELING ABROAD

    You better be, as it is hard to disguise a hoverround.

  28. nappyduggs

    Turn this poll into a pie chart and roughly 57% of Americans would try to deep-fry and eat it on a stick. Also, the meerkat. They would deep-fry the meerkat.

  29. BTWBFDIMHO

    55 % are proud blah blah when traveling abroad?!!?
    I bet no more than 10% of the US population have ever crossed the border.

    I checked and according to our Kenyan Administration, only 37% of the population have a passport. http://www.theexpeditioner.com/2010/02/17/how-man

    What is freakier is what I read years ago: about half of US Congressmen/women don't have a passport. Now, with the recent infuse of hobbits, that proportion may be even higher.

  30. mormos

    Time reveals all things. Of the two candidates from the 2000 election, one is now a war criminal and one is now a nobel laureate. I think it's fair to say we made a mistake.

  31. inapewetrust

    is that more than half *believe* a nuclear attack will occur in their lifetime, or more than half *hope* a nuclear attack will occur in their lifetime? because sometimes it's like c'mon, let's just get this over with.

  32. SayItWithWookies

    I don't want to see either Gore or Dubya dancing or kissing another human being. So yeah, a Gore presidency would've been exactly the same.

  33. MozakiBlocks

    I somehow think that old Al would have read the fucking Aug 6th memo entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Within the US" and done something about it. And he damn sure wouldn't have been giving McCain a blow job…er…birthday cake while residents of a major US city fucking drowned even if they were black folks.

  34. lulzmonger

    56% of our people say a Gore-Lieberman White House would’ve been “not much different” than the venal plunder and racist war of the Bush Administration’s epic insanity.

    "It's the stupidity, stupid."

  35. pdiddycornchips

    Here are some things we would have missed out on that make all the other things we had to endure somehow worth it.

    Freedom Fries

    Known-unknowns

    WMD's

    Dead enders

    Fifth Column

    Yellowcake

    Curveball

    Aluminum tubes

    IED's

    I'm sure there are more

  36. glamourdammerung

    What Gore presidency? I am sure Lieberman's constituents would arrange a "happy coincidence" pretty early in Gore's term.

  37. DarwinianDemon

    So this is basically a combination of Republicans pretending Bush wasn't that bad and nitwit 3rd party dumbfucks. Good for them.

  38. Negropolis

    Yeah, 'cause Al Gore would have launched a conventional war in Afghanistan, then later when into Iraq, left Gulf Coast residents to stew in their own sewage and pollution after Katrina, whipped up anti-gay sentiment for his 2004 re-election, try to privatize everything not nailed down…need I go on?

        1. MichelesPantalones

          I'm procrastinating instead of dealing with some needed and needing-to-be-scheduled surgery.

  39. MichelesPantalones

    True. Strange and twisted standards, to be sure, but standards nonetheless. Thanks for easing the oil slick of uncertainty from off my fevered brow.

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