American voters now agree that an Al Gore presidency would’ve hardly been different from the disastrous eight-year reign of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. See, we really have learned some stuff from Barack Obama! The latest weird Vanity Fair/CBS News poll of random questions proves that 56% of our people say a Gore-Lieberman White House would’ve been “not much different” than the venal plunder and racist war of the Bush Administration’s epic insanity. There’s not a huge difference of opinion across party lines, either: 57% of Republicans and 48% of Democrats sadly agree that there’s no real contrast between the ruling parties other than maybe “being a little bit more obvious about their intentions,” with Republicans winning that particular personality contest.
What else did the random Bar Trivia video game come up with for this month’s survey?
40 PERCENT SAY THEY HAVE FILED FOR UNEMPLOYMENT AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES
MORE THAN HALF BELIEVE A NUCLEAR ATTACK WILL OCCUR DURING THEIR LIFETIME
55 PERCENT ARE PROUD TO STAND OUT AS AMERICANS WHEN TRAVELING ABROAD
Those 55% are self-described Republicans, and also they’ve probably never been out of the country. (Parking your car at the border south of San Diego and shining your headlights at potential Mexicans doesn’t count, no matter how many times the right-wing douche-clods at the local talk radio station play a riff from a 1970s rock song about taking drugs while telling you an impoverished Mestizo willing to pick lettuce for less than minimum wage is the problem with Our Economy.) [Vanity Fair/CBS News]
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Ken, you're backsliding! Step away from the Internet before you drag us all down into the Pit of Despair again!
Don't listen (sorry vulpes82) I need the infusion of news!
I'd rather spend an afternoon in Texas with a roofing crew today than relive the despair of the last months of 2000.
Or the eight years that followed.
"Pit of Despair?" Sounds like the GOP's favorite lesbiand bondage club.
It might have been refreshing to have a president that could both read and macarena.
there’s no real contrast….Bleach is pretty close to sugar…
Imagine NOT waging two wars, freeways of small 50mpg cars, a SS lock-box, a functioning FEMA, NO BUSH TAX CUTS and debt being paid down…
But where would we be without the infamous Cheney quotes – "go fuck yourself" and "so what?" ?
"You know, Reagan proved that deficits don't matter."
I give up. Americans really are stupid.
I would love to know where they are sampling. I know idiots are everywhere, but there are actually people who think Al Gore would have fucked things up to the extent that Dubya did? I'm thinking at least one less stupid war, the tax cuts for the wealthy might have been mitigated if not eliminated and maybe, just maybe we might have accomplished something on the financial regulatory front. The way things look now, it will really take complete global financial ruin to budge the idiots into getting a leash on the banks again.
For over a decade now, I've been amassing my own data on this, and I know a shitload of people both IRL and virtually. Either they're all fucking lying, or not a single one of them, from Massachusetts to TX has EVER been part of a poll. Ever. It's always possible that there is a town somewhere in the heartland that has been designated the Official Poll Sample For America, but. I take it from your response that you have never participated in a poll of this sort either. Could you ask all your friends and acquaintances if any of them have? You know, just out of curiousity and what-all.
It's pronounced "nu-cu-lar"
I thought it was "Nyew-kyoo-lar." No?
Bet weasels would rip my flesh before Tipper let them play Frank Zappa at a state dinner.
"We are NOT groupies!!" – Suzy Creamcheese – Laurel Canyon
"Call any vegetable, call them by name." Frank Zappa. ohhh the colors……..what were we talking about?
Man in a suit with a bow tie neck,
Wants to buy a grunt with a third-party check.
Movin' to Montana soon. Gonna be a dental floss tycoon.
raising it up, waxing it down, in a little white box I can sell uptown.
BIG SWIFTY AND ASSOCIATES…TREND MONGERS.
And what might you ask is a TREND MONGER?
God I love Frank so much.
And, for the size queens in the audience, the man had a dick the size of a horse's.
In the years before his death, I understand Frank and Tipper made up. She's a dim bulb anyway. But Moon Unit let her sit in on drums for something she did.
Yes, because the Clinton presidency was EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME as the one that succeeded it.
Srsly. WTF do people think?
More proof that they don't, and Jersey Shore is on and then Dancing.
This never gets old:
Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'
Monica blew Bush, too?!
We're a nation of inbred morons who primarily obsorb new data from the voices on AM radio and what we read on the bottom of Snapple caps. Is it any wonder we're led by fools and charlatans? Wingnuts are by far the leaders of this stupid parade but lefties aren't too far behind. We convinced ourselves that both Clintons were Republicans and one of them was a monster. Not saying which one. We will soon be so dumb that we'll forego the need for a formal language. We'll communicate through a combination of grunts and upfists/downfists.
And an upfist for you. Wait a minute . . .
This, exactly. One of my best friends was, at the time, really into the Green Party and Ralph Nader. Which is fine, if that's what most closely represents your ideals. But he would go on and on about how Gore and Bush were the same, they were just puppets controlled by the same puppeteer, etc. Then Bush "won" and now we have endless war forever.
Sounds like we have the same (spit!) friends.
Sounds like a "Faux News Opinion Dynamics" (aka Bullshit) Poll, to me.
So, the rethugs are more transparent about the nonconsensual corn syrup lube buttsecks they bring us and only in the closet about the rent boy buttsecks they so love?
Barry. The evidence is mounting that there is still plenty of room move boldly to the left. Compromising with the enemies of the republic is just not going to work out.
Actual people would give you money if you did this, although corporate persons maybe not so much.
You forget who has more money. He will definitely get boatloads of money for corporate whoring. Our $20 bills all added up won't equal a single of those boatloads.
The meerkat in the picture is signing up for a mortgage on her burrow, ca. 2003.
Bristol Palin lives there now.
Meerkats are socially aware, intelligent, self-sacrificing, will work for hours to find a meal… Man has that neighborhood gone downhill.
She certainly fucks like one.
While I'm sure we might still have got involved in Afghanistan, I really don't get why people think Gore would have invaded Iraq. The Neo-Cons were wanking it to the idea of invading Iraq from the moment Bush was elected.
Vice president Joe Lieberman, remember?
Right. That smug, smegmoid prick.
The bigBigBIG ratings of Gulf War I ensured there would be a sequel.
"This thing has LEGS!"
And I'm not even sure that we'd have gone to Afganistan. Probably, and we'd probably have complained that dems were sell outs. BUT imagine….no war in Iraq, decr. terrorists magically appearing because we're in Iraq, no financial meltdown. (I think, being fact based would've helped a lot if the economy started going down….which, since we would not have had Bush tax cuts and at least one war off the books, may not have happened.)
I'm boring today, I realize.
I'm pretty sure 9/11 wouldn't've happened at all — not because Gore was brilliant or anything, but because a president who was at least half-reasonable would've heeded the warnings in time to mobilize our intelligence and law enforcement apparatus to do something, and the 9/11 Report makes clear that there was enough evidence lying around that it would've been picked up on.
There's a headline over at Raw Story or HuffPo or summat about how Bouchebag was SO VERY SURPRISED that 9/11 ever happened. Which, of course, just underlines the fact that the pathetic little dick paid no attention whatsoever to all the intel "chatter" we were picking up. I would like to kick him in the nuts until both my feet hurt, and then punch him in them for a few hours more.
One difference is that Gore would have been blamed and condemned for 9/11. Probably impeached, too.
Tried and executed for treason more likely.
"What is this 9/11 of which you speak?"
- Katherine Harris' plastic surgeon.
He, nor his administration, wouldn't be out shilling a shitload of books re-writing history, neither. No how.
As it is, Clinton has to take the blame for the attack 8 months after he left office.
Speaking of which, how DARE Obama blame Bush for the economic collapse, just because it happened while Bush was in office, in an economy that Bush had presided over for 7 years, by that point.
Gore might have actually listened to Richard Clarke and shut down those flight schools
Can you imagine what Limbaugh and the rest of the noise machine would have done with that one?
Everyone Agrees
GoreMcCain Presidency Would’ve Been About the Same AsBushObama.There, fixed to be consistent with Ken's message.
Not true. If McCain was president, no one would give two tits about the budget deficit. But the US would still be bombing Libya (though McCain would probably be on MoMo's side).
Survey says 98% of American voters are fucking idiots.
… and 2% don't vote.
Damn I remember standing on street corner in Paris, outside Gare Montparnarsse on the Boulvard de Pastuer, and feeling mortified as the Murican was telling the vendor he was from Texas and knew that pizza slices was (his word) bigger in Texas. To this day I regret not going over and apologizing to the vendor for that Texas douche bag's rudeness.
New rule: if your last name is a noun, you can't be president:
Bush, Gore, Ford, Carter, Hoover (for you Brits) and don't forget Johnson – all gone.
From listening to Faux, I learned that "Obama" in Kenyan means "Manchurian Candidate", which I think is a noun but then, I didn't do so good in grammer….
All of them except Bush and (probably) Johnson are verbs too… that makes them doubly-disqualified, no?
So no more Lincoln, either? Not sure I'm okay with that.
Alternatively, this means that Nixon became dictator for life, just like in Watchmen, right?
Actually, since Lincoln was elected before "Lincoln" was a car name, I believe he would not eb disqualified thank to my fine lawyerly distinction.
All our last names are nouns now.
"55 PERCENT ARE PROUD TO STAND OUT AS AMERICANS WHEN TRAVELING ABROAD"
The pride is utterly unnecessary. This same 55% is instantly identifiable as American thanks to the volume of their voices, the carelessness of their attire, and their oblivious, entitled impatience with the "foreigners" who unwittingly serve as their hosts.
They call em' uglis…
Don't forget our magnificent girth.
"what exactly am i trying to say? you're bunch of fucking elephants"
don't forget the rotund fatness of their obesity.
Since there's no mention of fatty fat fatness, you've described vacationing Germans.
but the fatty fat Germans can actually WALK.
Yes, but usually in XXXL tangerine thongs. Ugh.
How do they stand out? Is it the 'Mercan flags on the scooters or the scooters themselves?
One party rule works in the Middle East. It can work here!
I keep saying Americans are too stupid to vote, but nobody listens to me.
I think the readers thought the were being asked if the Obama presidency would have been about the same as Bush's.
I'm sure the Fox Gnus (new motto: Bewilderbeasts United) will conclude that Gore caused the 14 trillion dollar mess. And the pain and itch of hemmorrhoidal tissue.
When I tried to open the Vanity Fair link, my computer momentarily crashed. Coincidence…or do 57% of Americans have something to hide?
I'm guessing it would have been PLENTY different. There was no Jarbara Gore.
Excellent point! No tale of Jar Fetus with Dubya in the WH! And the world needed that story to be told.
Depends on your definition of gore.
AND 100% OF THOSE WITH A BRAIN THINK VANITY / CBS POLLS ARE FOR MORANS.
All I know is, in my whole life I have *never* ever received a single call from any pollsters, and neither has anyone that I know. Maybe they really are only polling the idiots. (No, I'm not one. I know this for a fact. Jeez. Doubting Thomases.)
Polls like this make me approach my teaching year with the thought, "I'm gonna need a bigger boat."
Not if you're throwing them all over the side.
Why do you think we call them "chum", chum?
I see I'm not the only one in a caffeine-fueled, procrastinating rage today.
Most respondents also agree that a Goldwater presidency would've been mostly the same as LBJ's second term, except for the "no Great Society" and "probable nuclear holocaust" parts.
Next time we have to hear about one of these dumbass surveys I want a video of Richard Dawson announcing the results plus a light-up scoreboard and some shitferbrains breeders bouncing up and down.
"Name something people like to bite."
From Truman to Obama, my contemporaries and I have happily survived, grown, procreated, gained weight, complained, read the newspapers and fornicated. Would I rather have lived under Louis XIII, Louis XIV or Louis XV? We're just grains of sand that some higher power kicks up in the air every now and then. Presidents are tiny creatures in the greater universe. They count for shit.
Damned little fornication lately, though.
Some count for more shit than others (Dubya-are you listening out there?).
It does make you want to give up.
Retardlican President fucks up entire country and world? Re-brand! Become an "Independent" or a "tea partier". Then, return same Retardlicans back to majority in the house, watch them behave moronically and childishly, and watch in horror as their poll numbers fall to an historic low. Then, get the media to do stupid polls like this, emphasizing the lack of difference between the two parties, because Retardlicans managed to tarnish themselves again by attempting to govern. They're exactly alike!
How to stand out like a proud American when travelling abroad:
(1) Wear shorts and flip-flops on all occasions and in any venue. Your comfort is more important than anyone else's.
(2) Exhibit at every opportunity your firm belief that foreigners could understand English if it were only spoken loudly enough.
(3) Throng to McDonalds and the like to avoid eating frightening foreign foods.
(4) Demand ice in your drink, and not just one crummy clear cube handled with tongs like it's radioactive.
(5) Express outrage when an order for a Martini in Italy produces a glass of Vermouth.
(6) Decry the awful Socialist burden of VAT on your souvenir purchases, vow to recover it when you return, and fail to do so because it's too complicated.
(7) Insist on taking off your
shoesflip-flops at the airport, despite signs in English telling you not to do so.(8) Demand free refills, and if you don't get free refills complain about your rights, and threaten to call the American Embassy.
(9) Say, "I bet you wish you had the best health care system in the world, like we do."
Your comment got there before I could add "Never fail to explain to English-speaking foreigners the superiority of the American version of any- and everything, except health care and pensions, cuz you'll lose that argument.
They would lose the argument if they ever bothered to fucking listen to anybody. Too many times, I've been in an argument with some idiot who insisted the health care system in the US was better, even while they're getting a cut-rate, but state-of-the-art triple coronary bypass someplace like Singapore, Malaysia, or Thailand.
Gripe loudly about the god-damned ferrin' money and how the duskies are ripping you off, and remember when a goddamn dollar was good anywhere?
Oh, yeah, I remember a couple of friends visiting. They kept making fun of the money because "it's all these different colours and sizes, it's like play money." Of course, foreigners here have the exact opposite complaint. "Ohmygod, why didn't you tell me I gave that guy a $20 bill for something worth $5? All your money looks exactly alike!"
What really pisses me off is when some yob from Buttfuck Texas tries to bargain with some native person who makes less in one year than yon slob makes in a day. That just makes me want to rip their heads off and stuff them up their own arses.
Shoving their heads up their asses would be a redundancy.
How like an academic to go straight to the heart of the argument and winkle out the flaw therein!
Thanks V. I always wondered why my parents hated Paris so much.
(X+1) When in Asia, enter any temple, house of worship, or shrine with your giant SippyCup of Coke in one hand and your burger in the other. Pretend you don't understand what all the small gesticulating people mean when they say "No shoes! No shoes!"
(X+2) Always let your native hosts pick up the bill. It's OK for you to pick the restaurant (McDonalds) and order, but it makes them feel generous to pay.
(X+3) Remember that small, pretty native women dream all their lives of being manhandled by a fat lardass like you. Grab for their boobies, it makes them giggle. Ignore their feeble attempts to push you away. They HAVE to do that in public.
(X+4) Always offer a bite of your ham sandwich to your native hosts, even if they are Jewish or Muslim. It's only polite for them to refuse, so keep insisting.
-Ask for a "Bud Lite"
Oh come now. While Cheney and Lieberman are both back-stabbing, hypocritical narcissists, there is no evidence, circumstantial or otherwise, that Lieberman has ever had whistle-blowers murdered.
So… Lieberman is better at getting away with it?
Well, the Mossad is better about not blabbing than the CIA.
The average American knows more about how to roast a chicken on a bear can than the political platform of either party.
Can you blame them when the platforms are a paradox?
Democrats: "We are in favor of everything the Republicans are in favor of."
Republicans: "We oppose everything the Democrats are in favor of."
And the Capitol disappeared in a puff of logic.
Well it is a Vanity Fair/60 Minutes joint poll. Before you take it I think you're require to prove you haven't paid attention to politics since that nice man Reagan was president and that you're over 90.
At some point Al Gore would've declared war on Texas, but that would've been fun and exciting.
First we got the bomb, and that was good
'Cause we believe in motherhood
…
We'll try to remain cool and calm
When Alabama gets the bomb, who's next?
I think all of those born before Aug. 6, 1945 have already seen a nukular attack.
Instead of VP Dick, it would have been VP Lieberman. Both would have cheerleaded a mess into Iraqinam, but I think Al Gore might have stayed away from there and saved a lot of lives and some 3 Trillion in China Bucks.
On the other hand, no Preznit Barry and instead perhaps Preznit… barf… Shithead Joe.
Shithead Joe could never manage more than a three-way tie for second place.
After failing to win the presidency, George W. Bush made an award-winning documentary about the danger of eating pretzels alone.
He would still be gubner of Tejas or maybe the old man would get him the baseball comissioner gig he lusts for.
I'm sure that Al Gores deregulation of the banking industry and his wars agasint polar bears would have runined this country too.
And I'm thinking Al might've listend to "Terrorists determined to strike US."
Also, too. That putrid little fuckwit. I hate him with the heat of ten million suns.
55 PERCENT ARE PROUD TO STAND OUT AS AMERICANS WHEN TRAVELING ABROAD
You better be, as it is hard to disguise a hoverround.
Turn this poll into a pie chart and roughly 57% of Americans would try to deep-fry and eat it on a stick. Also, the meerkat. They would deep-fry the meerkat.
I fucking love meerkats.
55 % are proud blah blah when traveling abroad?!!?
I bet no more than 10% of the US population have ever crossed the border.
I checked and according to our Kenyan Administration, only 37% of the population have a passport. http://www.theexpeditioner.com/2010/02/17/how-man…
What is freakier is what I read years ago: about half of US Congressmen/women don't have a passport. Now, with the recent infuse of hobbits, that proportion may be even higher.
Time reveals all things. Of the two candidates from the 2000 election, one is now a war criminal and one is now a nobel laureate. I think it's fair to say we made a mistake.
By that token, we should elect Kissinger.
What you mean we, white boy?
You folks at Wonkette always take all of the good snarks.
is that more than half *believe* a nuclear attack will occur in their lifetime, or more than half *hope* a nuclear attack will occur in their lifetime? because sometimes it's like c'mon, let's just get this over with.
I don't want to see either Gore or Dubya dancing or kissing another human being. So yeah, a Gore presidency would've been exactly the same.
I somehow think that old Al would have read the fucking Aug 6th memo entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Within the US" and done something about it. And he damn sure wouldn't have been giving McCain a blow job…er…birthday cake while residents of a major US city fucking drowned even if they were black folks.
Yes. Al Gore would not have pulled a Katrina on us.
"It's the stupidity, stupid."
What, did they only poll Nader voters?
We are so fucking fucked.
Rumor is Vanity Fair is radical right wing. (boycott please)
Here are some things we would have missed out on that make all the other things we had to endure somehow worth it.
Freedom Fries
Known-unknowns
WMD's
Dead enders
Fifth Column
Yellowcake
Curveball
Aluminum tubes
IED's
I'm sure there are more
By the Rivers of Babylon, the God of History is laughing himself silly.
What Gore presidency? I am sure Lieberman's constituents would arrange a "happy coincidence" pretty early in Gore's term.
So this is basically a combination of Republicans pretending Bush wasn't that bad and nitwit 3rd party dumbfucks. Good for them.
Yeah, 'cause Al Gore would have launched a conventional war in Afghanistan, then later when into Iraq, left Gulf Coast residents to stew in their own sewage and pollution after Katrina, whipped up anti-gay sentiment for his 2004 re-election, try to privatize everything not nailed down…need I go on?
No. I'm already vomiting. Thank you.
OT: I've noticed that you're awfully active, recently. What's up?
I'm procrastinating instead of dealing with some needed and needing-to-be-scheduled surgery.
Methinks the American people are forgetting about a little thing called "lockbox."
The World Trade Center would still be standing because Al Gore is not Marvin Bush's brother.
I like the way you think.
So… you know these guys pretty well?
No better than any other member of the Wonketeriat!
This worries me. I know the Wonketariat are sluts to the last man. Or woman.
But sluts with standards!
True. Strange and twisted standards, to be sure, but standards nonetheless. Thanks for easing the oil slick of uncertainty from off my fevered brow.
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