god speaking to michele through a llama.Erratic pill gobbler Michele Bachmann is so in touch with her God that she can figure out, like, super fast how to read God’s messages in everyday things: three red lights in a row means, “only two Diet Cokes before lunch;” getting exactly $4.56 in change at the Wal-Mart means “time to clear out Marcus’s Internet browsing history without checking it;” and finding an empty milk carton in the fridge that someone forgot to throw out means, “hair gets worn down next full moon.” Fairly straightforward! That is pill-head child’s play. But look, she can read large natural disaster events, too:¬†“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?'” Hm. We’re trying? Hurricanes and earthquakes are tough to parse. Did we hear¬†something about obesity and screaming and lower deficits in there?

Michele Bachmann did: “Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we’ve got to rein in the spending.”

Oh, who is this woman. Either up her dose or we want to see her go cold turkey. [St. Petersburg Times]

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