never forget

Irene Devastation: Netflix Streaming Apparently Out For Whole East Coast

Oh noes but somebody wanted to watch some two-star anime version of 'Noah's Ark.'We are getting late word tonight that Netflix Streaming is totally not working along much of the East Coast, due to terrorism (Hurricane Irene). Former Wonkette special guest editor Jason Linkins reports that it’s broken in D.C., at least on his Twitter friend’s teevee somewhere. And where’s Obama, probably golfing from a yacht over Arlington National Cemetery, right? What will people do over the next several weeks? We have checked Netflix Streaming Video on the West Coast and it appears to be “fine.” We tested it using a George Carlin HBO On Location special. It’s fine. We don’t know what the rest of you people are complaining about.

In other hurricane news, the Hurricane itself is apparently right over some part of Virginia, somewhere south of Crystal City. Nobody knows exactly where, what with all the New Jersey beach cams out because of the power outage. Here is some video to cheer you up, because now several people have been killed in the storm so you can no longer make jokes about it, in Brooklyn:

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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322 comments

  1. PuckStopsHere

    Oh, the humanity. People forced to watch basic cable? Barack Obama doesn't care about TV watchers…

    1. Negropolis

      That the president allows his citizens to succumb to the horrible specter that is basic cable proves he's morally weak.

  2. OC_Surf_Serf

    To all you macho weather folks out there covering this storm…it's not that the wind is blowing, but what the wind is blowing. Stand out there to show us how windy it is and get hit by a Volvo and it doesn't matter how many push-ups you did that morning…

    (Ron White's funniest lines)

    1. Rotundo_

      Huffpost has video up of one of the Weather Channel expendables out there in Virginia Beach lamenting to the guys back at the studio that there are still people there not taking things seriously, as a bunch of dudes go running behind him and one drops his shorts and does a dance on live television laughing hysterically at the Weather Channel expendable. Right afterwards some jughead pulls up behind him video recording the crew and expendable lamenting the jugheads not taking things seriously. Good for a few chuckles.

      1. RadioIrene

        I saw that earlier in the day. haha. "I don't have any more words to describe how dangerous my job is and those kids throwing a football behind me."
        He's one of the true heroes of Hurricane Irene. Never Forget.

        1. RadioIrene

          Oh Dok, Classic. I saw that live, and missed the guy showing his junk. I was laughing at it all day. And then the guy with his video camera behind. And the pompous douchebag with his safety glasses. "Honestly, this is so depressing."
          Please God don't take this video down.The thing about Virginia Beach is that is not a barrier island. So storm IQ is not so terribly worrisome.
          A true hero of Irene.

      2. Negropolis

        Anyone see Nightly News with Harry Smith out in Times Square, and people hecklig him and trying to get in view of the camera? He even panned the camera over to the crowd gathered feet away from him, and him remarking how he was the last entertainment in the city, tonight. lol It was all in good fun and it was pretty funny.

      1. flamingpdog

        Jeebus knocked him down just as he was about to draw a picture in the sand showing the classified location of the hurricane-fighting forces.

  3. nounverb911

    Oh, the humanity, husbands being forced to have conversations with their wives. Stand by for mini baby boom starting around Memorial Day next year.

    (Thanks for the idea Puck).

    1. PuckStopsHere

      URGENT: As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the East Coast, federal disaster officials warned that Internet outages could force people to interact with other people for the first time in years. Residents brace themselves for the horror of awkward silences and unwanted eye contact. FEMA advised: “Be prepared. Write down possible topics to talk about in advance. Sports…the weather. Remember, a conversation is basically a series of Facebook updates strung together.” (THIS WAS STOLEN…SO SUE ME).

        1. PuckStopsHere

          I don't know the sourcing. It showed up on FB which (OT), clearly, is a creation of the devil

  4. Come here a minute

    Also "fine" in Arlington, VA, tested with "Reservoir Dogs", so maybe this "source" should "reboot" or something.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I was going to suggest you skip The Concorde…Airport '79 (Yes, with ellipses, not a colon), but then I read this in the plot summary on Wikipedia: As the passengers board the Concorde, a well-dressed woman (played by Charo) attempts to smuggle a dog aboard.

      I don't see how anyone would want to miss THAT.

    1. shirleyplz

      Where is Wonkbot?I am not sufficiently terrorized & the grid is about to go down here in Mass.
      its not the same without my fav roomba TSA 1138,helmet askew going existential zippy the pinhead……….

  5. DrinkYerBourbon

    We've been watching a Torchwood marathon on Netflix all day. Weird, cause we're still watching it and I'm pretty sure the DC burbs are considered part of the East Coast. I'll watch TWC when you post the video of an onsite reporter being sucked into the atmosphere.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      Mind if I ask you a stupid question? How come your p-ness is 0? I have never seen a p-ness of 0 before.

      1. DrinkYerBourbon

        I know, even asians are impressed…. I'm new and just got approved three days ago. Apparently it takes awhile to grow a p-ness, and I don't think p's I got on comments before I got approved count.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          Well, you shot up from 0 to 48 in no time flat.

          I guess the same thing must've happened to me — I'm fairly newish here — but I just never noticed. Interesting. I've only started paying attention to them lately. P-nesses, that is.

    1. flamingpdog

      In 1900, they didn't need Netflix. All the neighborhood kids got together in Billy Benson's barn and donned funny clothes and put on a show for all the neighbors to keep them entertained during the hurricane. They also dressed up the farm animals in funny clothes and made all the adults dance with them. Then they all got washed away by a 25-foot wave. The end.

      1. RadioIrene

        6,000 plus dead. Some cheesy, unnamed hurricane, and no over-market meteorologist warning, with a 25 foot tidal surge. Never Forget.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Not that far West I am on 112th between Lenox/Malcolm X and St Nick, but we had very heavy rain about an hour and a half ago, now it is getting windy.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          Good luck, Lizzie — I have every faith Harlem will prevail. After all, weren't most of those beautiful, solid buildings constructed around the time of Ron Paul's Halcyon Days?

          1. Limeylizzie

            Yes, my apartment building is about 120 years old , the building that everyone in the hood hates is this new tower building that rich, white people live in, hopefully it will fall.

        2. Barb

          Stay safe, my sister, Lizzie. We've had a half an inch of rain here at my house, TOTAL in 13 months.

          1. Limeylizzie

            All seems ok here, still have power, but the rain is getting very heavy and the storm is not even here yet, so we may see some madness yet.

        3. MichelesPantalones

          Seems like you'll be safe, Beautiful Lady. Also your two homeless moochers, hope they're not freaked out by the wind or anything. Remember, I'll be worrying till about 2 am (which is when the weatherliar says the worst of it will have passed NYC).

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      Is MSNBC going with wall-to-wall storm coverage, or is it the usual weekend diet of prison rape? I honestly don't know which I'd enjoy more, given the choice.

          1. MichelesPantalones

            "Rick Perry" is probably the first thing that comes to mind when contemplating Nazism, prison rape, and natural disasters.

      1. Negropolis

        They've been on all night since Friday. I was really kind of amazed, and was simply awaiting for it to blink out and go straight back to "Lockup: Beverly Hills" or some shit. They've had Chris Jansing on all 'effing day; she has got to be tired.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          Hurricane coverage isn't all that varied. Maybe they had her work for six hours and now they're just running the tape over and over. One traffic light whipping around in the wind in Balmer looks pretty much the same as one in Red Bank, NJ, no?

          1. Negropolis

            I wish, but no. You could nearly visibly see her mind unraveling before they took her off at 11. lol

            BTW, their coverage has just jumped the shark as far as I'm concerned. They were recently on the phone with the mayor of Easton, PA, which isn't even on a tidal part of the Delaware, I don't think. Sure, anywhere can flood during a hurricane, but they are reaching here if they want Easton to be breaking news.

          2. flamingpdog

            With all the budget cuts in the newsrooms these days, I wouldn't be surprised if that traffic light whipping around in the wind in Balmer is the one "in Red Bank, NJ".

  6. GuanoFaucet

    Here is some video to cheer you up, because now several people have been killed in the storm so you can no longer make jokes about it, in Brooklyn

    Was one of the people killed the new Al Qaeda No. 2?

    1. natoslug

      My kids are all wet as well, but that's because they live in the Pacific NorthWest Rainforest, and laugh at the East Coast. And also at their drunk father and his excessive Capitalization.

      1. MichelesPantalones

        Geezus, how many of the little buggers have you brought forth into this world? Also: the best remedy for being laughed at by your kids is to punch 'em in the nuts. Either that or get them really drunk too, and then videotape all their sad shit and threaten to put it on YouTube if you get any lip.

          1. MichelesPantalones

            Dammit! You'll have to try sneaking them hash brownies instead.

            OT: We made some hash brownies once, my siblings and I, and left the pan out to cool. Mom and Dad came home and scarfed the lot. You have no idea how embarrassingly funny your parents can be when they're whacked out of their gourds and don't know it.

  7. SheriffRoscoe

    Hahaha. Somebody on my teevee just called it a hurr-i-cun. I haven't heard it pronounced that way since my great-great-grandfather. Woops, sorry Ken. I forgot about the no-jokes-about-the-hurricun rule you imposed.

      1. SheriffRoscoe

        Sorry LL….didn't mean to offend. But you're English, right? Well then we can overlook the way you speak our language.

    1. Negropolis

      I heard Isha Sesay on Anderson's show say it that way the other night, and though she has a thick British accent to begin with, that word always sticks out in a major way.

      1. mayor_quimby

        I have a thing for Ms. Sesay that sticks out in a major way The accent and the flawless black barbie perm does it for me.
        But, yes, hearing the Queen's English can make you question your own pronunciation at times.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          My god, she's *stunning.* I could spend many hours sticking out in a major way at her photo.

  8. V572 T-Blow

    If the 'cane were to take out Crystal City, thousands of innocent defense contractors might be endangered. Plus those shitty buildings at the south end are a sort of mini-Pentagon, full of subordinate warlords not powerful enough to sit in the actual Puzzle Palace.

    Good thing, or not? Discuss.

    And is Sara okay?

    1. KenLayIsAlive

      If Sara Benincasa needs to call someone a perverted liberal fetus monster while holding them tightly, completely naked while the wind and rain pummel our bodies, I'd just like to say – I'm available.

    2. finallyhappy

      In the 70s when Crystal City was almost nothing. I worked in Crystal 2. Ithink we had two buidings, the Americana motel and the restaurants on 23rd street- Chez Froggy!

    3. MichelesPantalones

      Good thing. Who's Sara? Our own beloved Benincasa redhead? I sincerely hope not a single hair on her precious person has been ruffled, or that hurricane will be hearing plenty from me.

  9. not that Dewey

    Netflix is working in NM, but who gives a shit, right? In fact, we were just watching some classic Yo Gabba. DJ Lance Rock rocks! I highly recommend the MGMT ("Art is Everywhere") and Cornelius ("Count Five, Six") episodes, especially if you're high.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      I am, but I'd rather watch Vermilion Pleasure Night. I still haven't figured out that episode with all the nekky LayDeez with their butts sticking out of boxes and the pretty one in nurse uniform who go up and down the line sticking a (fake?) hypo in each beautiful bottom as the owner emits a shriek somewhere above a high C.

      1. not that Dewey

        Love the reviews:

        In fact, spoken English accounts for the raciest segment of the show, when a prim Japanese woman spouts lewd phrases about licking certain anatomical parts. The show is not outright erotic, just perverse.

        and

        Appellate Judge Rob Lineberger is more apt to experience Leftover Meatloaf Night.

        Have you ever seen the Dudley Moore/Peter Cook Bedazzled? That's some funny shit right there.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          My sensayuma tends towards the dark, twisted, and perverse. I don't think I've seen Bedazzled, but I have seen Adam's Apples, which I highly recommend despite the fact that it involves totally sick and perverted humour of the worst kind. Although not as worst as Peter Jackson's Meet The Feebles, which is one of my all-time sick 'n twisted faves. How they gave him the direction of LOTR after seeing that, I'll never know.

          1. 102415

            We are up to "Come September". Bobby Darin included! Rock Hudson produced this and it is so pretty.

          2. ttommyunger

            I always thought she looked a little odd. Sort of a soft Jeff Chandler. Something about her left me a little cold.

          3. MichelesPantalones

            I think I developed a huge crush on her when I was 9 or so. Cut her pic out of a magazine and stuck it to the inside of the cupboard door.

            Sophia, Gina, and Catherine Deneuve. My personal fapfest.

          4. ttommyunger

            Some of my best friends have been (and are) sluts. I myself have always striven for slut-hood, but that requires a willing woman, in my case, so: FAIL!

    1. DahBoner

      In her day, she was so famous she was immortalized on episodes of both The Flintstones and The Jetsons, as, respectively, Gina Load-O’Bricks and Gina Lollojupiter…

          1. ttommyunger

            Requires thought. Thinking is such hard work. If only I were a Republican; all that would be done for me.

  10. Doktor Zoom

    Encouraging news on the economic front: Boise-area unemployment has been temporarily reduced by one, as local Wonketteer Doktor Zoom has been given a temp job at the reception desk for the county's family court. Zoom, who just last weekend was feeding and walking two monumentally stupid dogs belonging to the office's director, will be filling in until the position is permanently staffed. Depending on whether he can handle the inherent stress of dealing with the endless stream of human misery that is Family Court, Zoom may apply for the permanent job as well.

    Local tea partiers have expressed outrage that tax dollars are wasted on providing any services at all for divorcing parents and their children, noting that in the old days, nobody got divorced or had custody disputes, and why are we even dealing with children of meth users?

    1. Pragmatist2

      Zoom, don't apply. You will quickly learn that it really is true that most men are A-holes.
      You will earn to despise all women as money grubbing harlots. Children will become chattel in your mind.
      And that is just week one.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Yeah, I'm seriously wondering whether my already jaundiced view of human beings will be sufficient to allow me to do the job. Also, I have the organizational skills of a marmot.

        On the upside, my boss is a hoot (she is personally against marriage as an institution, although she and her guy have lived together for decades–their daughter and my son have been pals since preschool), it's close enough to bike to work, and there's those princely public-sector benefits. I remember health insurance so fondly….

        1. MichelesPantalones

          Don't listen to Pragmatists, Zoom. A job in the hand is worth swallowing one's pride, especially when it's pretty much all that's left to swallow. I worked for a public interest group once. I, too, have the organizational skills of a marmot (and no doubt, we'll be hearing from an Angry_Marmot, soon, about that), and had not learned to turn people away. Our office was located in the heart of the KrayZ district, on the fringes of downtown (can't have all those Poorz and homeless panhandling around the rich financiers, you know, makes the clients uncomfortable). It turned out to be one of the best jobs I ever had, for many weird reasons.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          Remind me never to get in an argument with you. And no, don't use the firearm to do it.

    2. V572 T-Blow

      Congratulations, Doc Z. In my mind, after 2 June 2002, Family Court became the House of Freedom. Best day ever. Think of yourself as a major domo leading people to wonderful new lives. Some of them, at least.

    3. not that Dewey

      Congrats! Ordinarily those jobs are best filled by people who have no empathy, but I bet you'll be able to find something to like about it. Enjoy that sweet, sweet gubmint job while you can, because come January 2013, President Perry will be sending us all to the radioactive salt mines (if we're lucky).

    4. Jukesgrrl

      Doc, I trust you did not disclose your association with the Wonkeratti. That would worth a GS downgrade of significance.

    5. flamingpdog

      If this job doesn't work out for you, I understand there's an opening for a new #2 at Al Qaeda, Inc. You might have to relocated from Boise, though.

    6. MichelesPantalones

      Wow, happy day, dood or doodine! Congrats. Hope this leads to much employment at Greatly Increased Rates of Remuneration.

      I might just quit drinking again, temporarily. Just to celebrate and all.

      1. MichelesPantalones

        Damnit. This is why we need to READ ALL COMMENTS before posting.

        Are you channeling me, or am I channeling you?

      1. Doktor Zoom

        I heard on NPR that a Seattle radio announcer recently said, "Highs in the 70s again today, with no relief in sight."

    1. UW8316154

      Picture perfect summer day in Seattle, and now the Cascades are pink from a sunset glow…life is good up here tonight!

  11. facehead

    I'm in Brooklyn, just outside of the evacuation zone, and my streaming is stable (which, before Irene showed up, was Brooklynite code for "Dude, I'm not gay, stop buying me drinks.").

    Ken, wherever you are, I want you to know that I always liked your beard, and, if I could write like you, I'd be in jail.

    To any Wonketteers who are braving the dervish windslut that is Irene, Just hang in there, fill your tub with seltzer water, shave your pets before you eat them, and never forget that Di Fara's is THE BEST pizza in NYC (if you disagree you can go fuck yourself, you are un-American muslin scum).

    Word Up.

    Facehead

  12. BlueStateLibel

    And last night I drank all the beer in the fridge, thinking tonight I wouldn't be here anymore. And now there's only one lone can left. Pray to Saint Homer for me that I can survive.

    1. mayor_quimby

      Are the brave Zifty Warriors still delivering. May God have mercy on their souls!
      Also, GROWLERS!!!!

    2. MichelesPantalones

      I usually keep a stash of bad hooch for times like these. I'd share, but I don't deliver.

  13. SheriffRoscoe

    Well I don't know about Netflix, but as I sit here stranded in Philly, the damn satellite tv keeps going out in my hotel room, I can tell you that. Satellites are buzzing up there, ABOVE the storm, and yet the signal keeps going out. Nobody can explain it.

    1. flamingpdog

      Mebbe the Marriots finally got the word from the Angel Moroni on high to knock off those hotel adult videos.

    1. savethispatient

      Didn't you hear? In order to pay for the hurricane clean-up, the postal service is being shut down. You'll have to deliver that DVD back to Netflix HQ yourself!

      1. Guppy06

        Gotta cut a government service in order to repair private industry's damaged lines?

        I believe it.

  14. Limeylizzie

    They have just shut down our elevator , i am on the sixth floor, what if there is a fire along with the hurricane??

    1. Blendergoathead

      Jump. Maybe Rick Perry will be standing below, and your fall will be cushioned by his hair.

    2. V572 T-Blow

      My dear, you're not supposed to use the elevator in a fire in any case, as elevator shafts make great tubes to feed fresh air to the conflagration. Use the fire stairs and all will be well. Bring a flashlight, your cats, and a bottle of gin if possible and not necessarily in that order.

      Regards,
      V572, Substitute Fire Marshall

    3. Dudleydidwrong

      Didn't you get your Bloomberg-issue parachute? Musta skipped your place. Sorry. Just don't light the fireplace. Especially true if you don't have a fireplace.

    4. berkeleyfarm

      Pack a go-bag, put out a flashlight, get the cat carrier handy, and then have some chocolate and a stiff drink to calm your nerves. As our trained safety Wonketter says, you'd be using the fire stairs anyway.

      A pal of mine who lives on the UES is riding out the storm comfortably but has her dear kitty in his carrier, just in case she needs to grab and go.

    5. Guppy06

      Fire safety notwithstanding, you're supposed to be using the stairs anyway as you're in the US and therefore desperately need the exercise.

      On that note, how do you charge an electric scooter in a power outage?

        1. Guppy06

          Nah, they'll roll in on the last of their charge and "find" some car batteries and generators. It is a hurricane, after all!

    6. 102415

      I'm on the 5th floor and our elevator works. Did you put some bottles of water in the freezer with the caps off? Did you fill the tub with water or some buckets for la toilette?
      Do you have a flash light? Good. Stay put and don't fret. The NYC wonketeers are here for you if you need help. The whole thing will be over in a matter of hours. What would Julie Andrews be singing right about now?

      1. Limeylizzie

        I am very prepared, battery operated lanterns, a crank radio etc. Just filled the bathtub, lots of canned food, I'm good. Julie would be singing that lovely song where she is dancing with Captain von Trapp..you know the one “Here you are standing there loving me, whether or not you should”.

        1. the_problem_child

          I saw you were getting rain. Just make sure if you go out to the bodega you wear raingear.

        2. V572 T-Blow

          Mother Superior rendering "Climb Every Mountain" is the absolute most wonderful moment in cinematic history, according to your compatriot Anthony Lane.

        3. flamingpdog

          Crank radio? I know you're under a lot o' stress there, Lizzie, but listening to Blechh, Limpballs or Slantitty ain't gonna help your nerves any, lovely lady.

  15. FakaktaSouth

    Damn. If we didn't have netflix streaming on right now I wouldn't have replaced the ubiquitous "Ridin the Storm Out" loop stuck in my head with Cyrus the Younger's "Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo by the sea…" and I just know that god awfulness will stay there forever.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    Netflix in TX was fine earlier today, although I'm kind of embarassed to admit that the reason I know this is because I spent 2-1/2 hours watching young black and white versions of Justin Hayward, John Lodge, Graeme Edge, etc morph into bloated old farts. Sure made me wanna go drop some acid again, though.

  17. Limeylizzie

    I am watching local news in NYC and there is some man who is answering phone calls from worried denizens and this woman called in because they had shut down the Staten Island Ferry and she said " I am on Staten Island, which as you know, is an island"

    1. Doktor Zoom

      And I said, "Hey, senorita, that's astute!
      Why don't we get together and call ourselves an Institute?"

      1. MichelesPantalones

        I'll assume the shock scrambled her brain. I might just print that out and put it next to my telephone. In case I decide to say something asinine, as is my wont, sometime soon.

    2. Guppy06

      As opposed to the rest of the boroughs?

      New York City is basically New Orleans with bedrock. No levees to break, but no hurricane clips in the building code either.

      Just stay indoors, off the ground floor, and away from windows.

    3. Doktor Zoom

      Before his account was killed, I was being stalked by Noman, which as you know, is an island as well.

  18. Radiotherapy®

    OK, everybody, I know we are not a joke site, but this is one of my favorites:
    A trucker walks into a whorehouse and says to the madam, "I want something different." Madam says: "Well I got someone who gives an incredible blowjob."
    "Nope, too common."
    Madam says: "How about buttsecks?"
    "Nope, too common."
    So she says, "Hurricane Gussy!"
    The trucker goes into the room and gets all naked, and Hurricane Gussy, an Amazon of a woman, walks in and starts blowing all over the room. He says, "WTF?"
    She says, "these are the winds that come with the hurricane." Next thing she's hitting him in the head with her rather voluminous titties. "These are the coconuts that that fall off the trees in the tropical hurricane." Then she starts pissing all over him. "These are the warm tropical rains that come with the hurricane."
    He jumps out of bed, starts pulling his pants up and says, "I don't know about you, but who the hell could fuck in this weather?"

  19. SheriffRoscoe

    Earlier this evening, before we lost the signal, I actually heard a meteorologist say something like "the real issue here are the winds….some trees will fall, others won't……some will hit homes…others won't…." I guess they were having a hard time filling up those air minutes.

    /totally inane story about the hurr-i-cun

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Some incredibly banal words will be spoken by telegenic idiots, and others, while equally banal, will not.

  20. rocktonsam

    haha, when NYC dies, Obama will make Chicago Americas number 1 city.

    good night Irene

    why doesn't Chris Christy stand on the beach and block the storm with his huge ass?

      1. flamingpdog

        Until they postponed the Giants-Jets game, they were going to use him as the football on kickoffs. No way he'd ever get blown off the tee.

        Or blown.

        1. MichelesPantalones

          So, I'm just gonna go ahead and ask because I'm that kinda guy. Has anyone here ever had sex with a really fat person? I mean like Chris Christie fat.

          I haven't, and probably wouldn't, and spend a lot of my time wondering if Christie ever gets any anymore.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      haha, like Obama will ever "make" anything do anything.
      I'm kidding, I don't really wanna hate on him, by my comparisons – Gov'nah Bentley of the worst immigration law in HISTORY, cause EVERY one is DYING to come to Bammer – the man is still walking on water (and they are still saying it's cause he can't swim…and I can't remember what cool cat I heard say that first so they can be credited)
      Whatever, carry on…Chris Christie do got a big ol duke.

  21. Negropolis

    I think it was Asbury Park, but a few hours ago they showed two kids out on the beach while the waves were coming in. It blew my mind. I know this stuff always happens, but it's not like the storm is two or three days away from there, anymore.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Nils Lofgren was in Tucson day before yesterday supplementing his income and he's in Vegas this weekend, so count him hot, rather than wet.

  22. Negropolis

    OMG, Bloomberg is on television murdering – absolutely committing a lingual atrocity against – the Spanish language.

    EDIT: LOL! Question to Bloomberg from reporter: Why wasn't Riker's Island evacuated?

    1. KenLayIsAlive

      Hahaha. Bloomberg speaking Spanish is simply one of the funniest phenomena in all of human history.

      There is actually a youTube mayoral race ad he does in Spanish. I will try to find it. You will die.

      1. Negropolis

        Bwahahahaha!

        Seriously, I'd never heard his Spanish, and it's one of the most entertaining things I've seen during the coverage of this storm. Surely, this man is a national treasure. I bet the Dominicans and Puerto Ricans love that he tries, bless his heart. lol

          1. Negropolis

            In Bloomberg's case I think the title is Minimum Mayor for Life Mike. Okay, excuse the short joke just this once; the setup was just to irresistable.

    2. Limeylizzie

      I heard that , it was insane, I mean I don't speak Spanish but I don't speak it a lot better than he speaks it.

  23. Mahousu

    I've started burning old VHS tapes to keep, uh, warm or something. I figure I've got about a three-day supply. After that, well, hopefully I won't have to find out what happens after that.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      What action are y'all getting over your way, Radio? This thing has been hovering over us in RVA for, like, the last 8 hours that I've been checking it seems. Rain finally let up but who knows for how long.

      1. RadioIrene

        I saw 8 inch limbs on the sidewalk!!1! The Accotink Creek is almost half way up its banks! I felt a few accelerating gusts of wind! Virginia Beach, miraculously has survived. Watch out for your back end there in the Capital, but Erik Fisher has taken off his safety glasses. Although, Norfolk took a hit and little Radio has not matriculated and is here playing his Stratocaster.
        Now back to you, Jim Cantore.

        1. Mumbletypeg

          Jeebus. I hadn't thought about the kids who are fixing to try and start college life in the thick of all this. I'm hearing from all over Richmond that power is out; mostly due to wind-ripped power lines, & I could hear maybe 3 transformer explosions throughout the day. Feeling somewhere between lucky (that neighbor's leaning twin tower maples didn't fall on my house) and guilt complex'd (that my neighborhood's power withstood the same storm making life problematic for others). Thanks for the laugh and the update!

          1. RadioIrene

            The worst part of these blowers is losing power. Refrigeration is civilization — even if we can read a book by flash or candle light. We've been flickering here, and we are looking for NYC to survive. Feeling somewhere between lucky…and guilt. And, best of all, Eric Fisher survived in VB. Janet Napolitano has a sign language knucklenut, just for the deaf who who can't read and live only a couple of feet above sea level…FEMA Rules! You're doing a good job, Janet.

          2. imissopus

            I've been following the FB feeds of friends from home, some down in Hampton Roads and some up in Richmond, and it sounds like Richmond is the bigger mess. Though I may change my mind if my parents get back to Norfolk to find the house flooded.

  24. Jukesgrrl

    To: Chris "Get the Hell Off the Beach" Christie
    From: Jukesgrrl

    You better have a re-building plan ready if the Stone Pony collapses. Or I'm comin' after you, fatso.

        1. not that Dewey

          HA!

          By "priceless" I meant "irreplaceable". I worked sound there once, many years ago, for some lame Dave Matthews-wannabe band. I have but dim memories of most of it. The ghosts of music legends spoke to me from the bathroom.

  25. flamingpdog

    When asked about safety and potential looting in the city, Bloomberg said, "This is New York. We don't have that sort of thing."

    ♫ Don't know much about geo-gra-phy ♫, but isn't Wall Street part of New Yawk City?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      So you're saying he brings the hurricanes with him? Given his environmental record — quite possible.

  26. SheriffRoscoe

    Well friends, it's been a blast. We really liveblogged the shit out of ol' Irene! But now that I've finished off the last of the free hooch so generously provided by [insert employer's name here] I feel it's time to whip out the iPad, climb into bed, and play multiple games of words with friends at once, all while listening to hell being unleashed outside my window.

    Nitey-nite!

    1. not that Dewey

      You too? Mrs Dewey, my sister, and my soon-to-be-brother-in-law have like 16 games going on at once. They set aside one game for my mom, where they can take pity on her and leave all sorts of open triple letter spaces, which she never uses. Is there a mercy rule for WwF?

  27. Guppy06

    And that's why the weather radio has a robot that repeats the same message over and over again. Of course, they don't have to sell ad time…

    1. Barb

      I was just telling your sister-in-law, Lizzie about the rainfall stats here in New Mexico. I'm sure she'd had that much rainfall since her last post. Half an inch a year is about what Michele Bachmann gets.
      My heart goes out to everyone who is dealing with this storm, truly. Stay safe, please.
      I hope Sorosbot is doing well.
      Yes Virginia, there is an Irene and a Mr Barb.

      1. Jeffer

        Half an inch with 2 Viagras and a Pee Wee world series video to fluff him up.
        And yes, everyone stay safe out east please.

    1. 102415

      Oh he does. No EPA no FEMA no NOAA no schools for shelter no Coast Guard and no Planned Parent hood for the extra sexing. God wanted to fuck things up so Ron Paul is not going to get in his way. Like in the 1900's. As long as guns and embryos are safe.

  28. JackDempsey1

    1. My wet/dry shop vac has died. [goddam American "craftsmanship"]
    2. 3 shamwows are just not mopping up the basement floor to my satisfaction.
    Can anyone recommend a sump pump installer who works fast and cheap in the Philadelphia area?

    This is Angie's list, right?

  29. imissopus

    OT: The story is terrible, but the funniest headline on Google News right now has to be "Police: Parents Punished Dead Boy by Denying Water." Someone want to explain to me how denying him water is punishment if he's dead?

    Also, of course this happened in Texas.

  30. Negropolis

    Alex Whitt is oggling Peter Alexander on MSNBC, right, now. She's telling him he can turn his back to the camera if the rain is pelting him in the face, and that she doesn't mind seeing his backside. Awkward. It's been a long weekend, for sure. Too. Damned. Long.

        1. 102415

          I can manage that. Thank you!

          And congratulations on your new job. Remember no stabby sharp pencils left laying around and stay out of arms reach. Yes, I've been to Idaho. Bullet proof vest is not a bad fashion choice either.

          1. MichelesPantalones

            Wow, no, really, I guess none of y'all went to Catholic school.

            What's rugged and Irish and stays out all night?
            Patio furniture. Get it?

            Paddy O'Furniture.

            It was either that or make jokes about the priests and nuns.

            Tell me you never heard "What does Father Murphy give for anal sex?"

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Apparently Alex Witt scuttled a SoCal singing career for the bright lights of MSNBC. A few years ago they actually had her singing with her band live in studio.

    2. SheriffRoscoe

      See that's the trouble with putting eye candy in charge of reporting the news, we never hear a word they say.

  31. Limeylizzie

    Well, I am awake , I still have power and I ate some canned meat last night, never had it before, and i have unbelievable gas, so that's going to interesting if we lose power, it will be just me, alone with my farts., in the dark.

    1. HistoriCat

      Oh Lizzie – you're not supposed to eat your hurricane supplies! Save them until you are truly desperate – or to feed the cats when they start eyeing you as their next meal.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I was testing it, to see what is was like! It was vile, so if we lose power all I am eating are packs of pre-cooked rice!

          1. Limeylizzie

            My high school used to serve something called Spam Fritters , they were large slices of spam dipped in a really greasy batter, so I never tried those and had a thing against it ever since.

    2. 102415

      Every thing down here is fine too. A few leaves on the sidewalk. Walked the dog and I'm happy to report that the corner stores on 3rd and 4th on 2nd are doing business. My elevator is back on but the intercom is shorted out. Other than that it's over.
      Lizzie, I bought a couple of nice dry sausages and some sealed Asiago. Much nicer.
      As for Mr Plummer he cries too when he sees that scene.

  32. SaintRond

    This could have been avoided entirely if girls weren't kissing each other and guys weren't having anal sex together. Fucking perverts. I wouldn't be surprised if there's an eclipse of the sun next.

  33. PuckStopsHere

    If this storm turns out to be not as bad as it was supposed to be, if it in fact is NOT the storm of the Century, then I want to be the first to blame President Obama for scaring everyone by quitting his round of golf at the turn and needlessly alarming America by gathering his entire disaster response team. FEMA IS NOT IN THE CONSTITUSHUN111

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, to be fair, it IS the storm of the century, so far. It remains to be seen what the climate change hoax will hit us with over the next 89 years.

      (You know it's a dastardly plot when the planet itself is in on the scheme: Nature is helping the scientists to get more grant money!)

  34. BlueStateLibel

    BREAKING: Damage so far: neighbor's flower pot overturned; typical flooding in New Jersey swamplands; when will lazy Union workers get out of bed to restore power?

    1. MichelesPantalones

      This is all hilariously funny to me, since we lose power out where I live at least five times a year, usually in winter, No light, no power, no gas (except the self-produced kind), no heat, no Internet connectivity, nothing. And if it rains hard enough, we get mudslides, and sometimes they cut off access on one side. We've lost power up to five days sometimes. So far this hurricane sounds like a real let-down. Try to do better next time, East Coast.

  35. MichelesPantalones

    What the FUCK was that HORRIBLE thing? "My name is Brayden I like to dance"? Kid, if your parents had a speck of kindness in their souls, they would shoot you dead RIGHT NOW so you don't end up embarrassing the whole fucking family unto the fiftieth generation, spazzing around on YouTube like that.

    Christ, Fuck this quitting drinking shit. After that downright glutinous and saccharine video, I NEED a drink~!

  36. Warpde

    Yes, as I sit here on a sunny afternoon in beautiful Maple Ridge, British Columbia without a care in the world I can't help but find myself continually drawn to the events on the East Coast.
    While here the lawn is cut, truck is washed, bb'q heating up, cold beer in the fridge, I am drawn back to this.

    Now if I had listened to my brother and been more like, what you would call a Republican, or as we call them in Canada a Harperite, this day would have been like any other.
    "No thought or worry about the rest.
    I got mine, get your own."

    Then again. I am not my Brother.
    He is a fucking idiot.

    1. flamingpdog

      Damn the Founding Fathers! Couldn't even one of them have thought to insert the part about not letting idiots fuck into the Constitution. But then maybe they hoped the Second Amendment would solve the idiot problem.

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