OLD MEN HATE NEW TRENDS  10:15 pm August 26, 2011

Nostalgic Ron Paul Remembers His Favorite Early 20th Century Disasters

by Blair Burke

Oh goody, what’s that crazy old Ron Paul yammering on about this time? Someone told him there’s a hurricane-a-comin’ and he just rolled his eyes thinking about how FEMA is going to come in and just plain old ruin everybody’s fun. Back in Ron Paul’s day (the turn of the century), there was no dumb “Federal Emergency Management.” Everyone just grabbed their guns and their petticoats and ran for their lives!

After a lunch speech today, Ron Paul slammed the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA, and said that no national response to Hurricane Irene is necessary.

“We should be like 1900; we should be like 1940, 1950, 1960,” Paul said. “I live on the Gulf Coast; we deal with hurricanes all the time. Galveston is in my district.

“There’s no magic about FEMA. They’re a great contribution to deficit financing and quite frankly they don’t have a penny in the bank. We should be coordinated but coordinated voluntarily with the states,” Paul told NBC News. “A state can decide. We don’t need somebody in Washington.”

Galveston in 1900 sure was a paradise. Things are not what they used to be! [NBC]

 

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{ 221 comments }

Barb August 26, 2011 at 10:17 pm

FEMA= Fix Everything My Ass.

flamingpdog August 27, 2011 at 2:20 am

Under the Rick Perry/Marcus Bachmann administration, it'll be Fondle Every Man's Ass.

Nothingisamiss August 27, 2011 at 8:45 pm

I must stand up a little for FEMA…under Clinton they really did rock. Actual people who knew what they were doing in emergencies worked there. Sceince and experience! Why have that, though?!

Troubledog August 26, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Rick Perry will shoot the hurricane and he will shoot your broken hurricane house and he will shoot your dumb faggot ass too if you don't get your broken shit out of the way. Ron Paul, Rick Perry will shoot you, for Jesus. And America.

Every day Rick Perry shoots a bullet in the air and lets God decide who will be taken. I keep hoping for Kirk Cameron.

user-of-owls August 27, 2011 at 1:01 am

And I keep hoping the bullet defies all laws of probability and drops straight back down. Already have the scene in my head: Perry gets on the dais, pops one off straight up in the air, provoking something akin to bloodlust if the members of the Plano Rotary Club…if they still had blood (or lust for that matter). Halfway through his rant about how important water subsidies are to the Second Amendment, the bullet returns to where its journey began and finds a very suitable flat, dull surface (brush notwithstanding) upon which to land and KER-PLOW!!. So very fortunate that the soup course was tomato, though it scantly mattered.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:39 am

Wow. That's a classic, user, to be preserved for those nights when the soul is in need of a little wine and poetry. Or perhaps, in my case, just the poetry.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 27, 2011 at 8:54 am

I love a happy ending.

DaRooster August 29, 2011 at 11:03 am

Especially if it doesn't cost extra…

Nothingisamiss August 27, 2011 at 8:46 pm

",,,if they still had blood (or lust for that matter.)"

Yay.

poncho_pilot August 27, 2011 at 4:23 am

i will always regret not taking my chance to heckle Kirk Cameron at a church just two blocks from my apartment in College Station. although all i was going to ask was, "whatever happened to Boner? does Boner believe the Earth is 6,000 years old, too?"

V572 T-Blow August 27, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Enghngnh, there's the "terminal velocity" thingy, which tells us the bullet will be slowed enough by air in its descent that it won't be lethal.
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1199/can

But a fella can dream!

starfanglednut August 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm

That's just a theory. You don't believe in teh eleetist sciencez, do you?

Troubledog August 27, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Rick Perry is not troubled by your so-called science.

Or coyotes.

user-of-owls August 28, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Rick Perry is not troubled by… coyotes.

That's odd. I mean they feed on carrion, after all.

GuanoFaucet August 26, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Hurricanes didn't exist when this country was on the gold standard!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:40 am

And they'll stop attacking us the minute we return to it!

the_problem_child August 26, 2011 at 10:25 pm

FEMA = toxic trailers? Is this still true or funny?

johnnyzhivago August 26, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Not a bad idea… Get rid of FEMA, NIH, NOAA, etc….

In 25 years the east and west coasts would be wealthy independent city-states and the middle of the country a vast wasteland of the unburied dead from tornadoes, wildfires, locust plagues, epidemics, etc.

Nothingisamiss August 27, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Truly. Throughout all the hurricane coverage I'm thinking "Do the yahoos know that NOAA is actually gov't funded? That we have scientists? That either state or federal gov't is just straight up saving your asses? Would Halliburton give a shit or a fair warning if a hurricane was coming? Not if they'd bet against your home insurance and saw a big win for themselves coming. J.H. Christ!!!!!!

glamourdammerung August 28, 2011 at 1:59 am

Rick Perry could just pray for the disaster to go away. Worked pretty well for the fires this summer.

nounverb911 August 26, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Burn in Hell, Ron! Oh wait, you already live in Texas.

OzoneTom August 28, 2011 at 5:35 pm

As Lil' Phil Sheridan said: "If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent Texas and live in Hell."

fuzzywzhe August 26, 2011 at 10:37 pm

I have nostalgia too.

I remember when Obama was running for president. He promised to…

* end the Iraq war (44 US servicemen dead so far this year)
* end the Patriot Act
* stop warrantless wiretapping.
* hold TARP receivers accountable.
* post all legislation online for 5 days for public comment before he signed it into law

Well, if you want another lying scumsucking asshole for your next president, elect anybody else but Paul. At least everything out of his mouth isn't a pure unadulterated lie just to get himself elected.

How are you enjoying the 11th year of Neocon rule, everybody?

johnnyzhivago August 26, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Feds take the fun out of our disasters!

In most other third world countries you can at least expect a typhoid epidemic from a storm this big. We get squat!

Thanks, NANNY government!

SayItWithWookies August 26, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Didn't 10,000 people die in the Galveston hurricane in the early 1900s? Well, that makes sense Mr. Paul.

Edit: Oh yeah, here we go: The hurricane caused great loss of life with the estimated death toll between 6,000 and 12,000 individuals;[3] the number most cited in official reports is 8,000, giving the storm the third-highest number of casualties of any Atlantic hurricane, after the Great Hurricane of 1780 and 1998's Hurricane Mitch. The Galveston Hurricane of 1900 is to date the deadliest natural disaster ever to strike the United States. By contrast, the second-deadliest storm to strike the United States, the 1928 Okeechobee Hurricane, caused more than 2,500 deaths, and the deadliest storm of recent times, Hurricane Katrina, claimed the lives of approximately 1,800 people.

Yeah, back in the day, people didn't need FEMA. Because they were already dead. Because that's what rugged individualists do.

BarackMyWorld August 26, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Brilliant.

Crank_Tango August 26, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Invisible hands all around!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:42 am

Invisible hands of serious upfisting!

Crank_Tango August 27, 2011 at 5:24 am

upfisting, downfisting…we got it goin on!

RadioIrene August 26, 2011 at 11:30 pm

The fucking US Navy ran from this bitch. Cleared out their Norfolk base. Even they learned their lesson. All those gov't climatologists and their "hurricane hunters" flying around in their planes. Certainly, Admiral "Bull" Halsey didn't need them;
In December 1944, he unwittingly sailed his undefeated Pacific Fleet into the teeth of the most powerful storm on earth. Three destroyers were capsized sending hundreds of sailors and officers into the raging, shark infested waters.

And the Hurricane of 1938 on Long Island certainly didn't need any pesky, above-market rate meteorologists warning anybody.

imissopus August 27, 2011 at 12:33 am

Norfolk always clears out the base for a hurricane, as do most other naval bases, I believe.

V572 T-Blow August 27, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Air Force too — airplane wings make excellent sails.

Tundra Grifter August 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Wasn't the December 1944 hurricane the "Caine Mutiny" blow?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 27, 2011 at 9:13 am

If you remember Galveston…you probably weren't there or you'd be dead.

Just when I start to lower my anger towards this guy he says something like this, or how abortion is the most important issue of our time or that he doesn't believe in evolution.

johnnyzhivago August 27, 2011 at 11:59 am

Great, so FEMA gets accurate totals of the dead. In the good old days we'd just say "a lot dead" or "everyone dead" and leave it at that.

NorthStarSpanx August 27, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Makes you wonder if the boot straps of those rugged dead Americans were pilfered? Going to the able bodied survivors who weren't retreating but going in a different direction?

Rarian Rakista August 27, 2011 at 10:27 pm

Hurricane Mitch which my parents lived through now has almost 20k people confirmed dead, from Wikipedia:

" As of 2008, the official death toll from Mitch was placed at 19,325 "

Tundra Grifter August 27, 2011 at 2:50 pm

SIWW: And who rebuilt the island of Galveston? The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

I believe today it is approximately TEN FEET higher than it was in 1900. Barriar islands are temporary – they are not permanent additions to the geological landscape (granting "permanent" is simply picking your timeline – nothing lasts forever).

The main reason Galveston hasn't been wiped out again and again is the Federal government turned it into a man-made island. Just who paid for that – the dead citizens of Galveston?

SayItWithWookies August 27, 2011 at 3:26 pm

The evil Federal government strikes again — speaking of which, while I was out in the wind and rain with my neighbor as we were looking at some fallen trees, who should walk by but our evil government mailman. I was shocked — I know what their motto is and everything, but I would've given the USPS a pass if I didn't get Saturday delivery this afternoon.

ttommyunger August 26, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Everybody's crazy uncle wakes up long enough to utter another mindless banality and, of course, the press is on the job. Thank you so much, Media.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:44 am

Perfect. I'm quoting you on this.

ttommyunger August 27, 2011 at 10:38 am

No, No! Anything but that!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Too late, dood, I already tweeted it. On the PLUS side, there wasn't enough room for an attribution. On the MINUS side, we haven't gone viral yet. I has a sad.

johnnyzhivago August 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Press quotes it without even getting a counter quote from an adult….

glamourdammerung August 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm

In fairness, Paul's comments were so stupid/insane that I could see the person being shocked by the soul crushing despair of being in the presence of someone that has truly gone "full retard".

BTWBFDIMHO August 27, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I wish my crazy uncle was running for president…

BarackMyWorld August 26, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Ever get the feeling the people of Gavleston just keep electing Ron Paul just to get him the hell out of town for 2 years at a time?

DahBoner August 26, 2011 at 11:59 pm

And now Perry is getting on Texas's nerves?

Crank_Tango August 26, 2011 at 11:04 pm

What I want to know is what are the odds of looting in an evacuated NYC?

DahBoner August 26, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Its called finding things if White people do it…

flamingpdog August 27, 2011 at 1:01 am

It's called job creation if rich White people do it ..

starfanglednut August 27, 2011 at 4:44 pm

More upfists if I could.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm

It's called a fee on Wall Street.

RadioIrene August 27, 2011 at 1:29 am

I thought it was called Wall Street.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:47 am

Actually, I distinctly remember it being called something very different when Katrina was raging. White people were "foraging," I believe, while nearby, black people were "looting."

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 6:31 am

Well, my neighbour Patti, who is an awesome and crazy 6"2" tall black woman, told me that the looting will happen on Sunday afternoon.

mayor_quimby August 27, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Tell ms blacki-leaks to keep it quiet, don't want the man to mess it up. Any more leaks and she's off the listserv!

But yeah, Sunday is gonna suck. I predict 2 officer involved shootings, minimum.

weejee August 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

After clearing-out Tiffany's, Newt the looters should move on to the Hamptons.

102415 August 27, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Zero in my building.

BTWBFDIMHO August 27, 2011 at 11:52 pm

It's called finding things before their owners lost them.

BaldarTFlagass August 26, 2011 at 11:11 pm

You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J.D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and… hey! Where are you going? Anyway, about my washtub. I'd just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking-bird. We'd always have walking-bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball…
Eh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one. Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Democrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello? There are too many leaves in your walkway…

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:48 am

It's uncanny how much like Ron Paul you sound.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 27, 2011 at 8:58 am

Ron Paul is Grandpa Simpson?

Doktor Zoom August 27, 2011 at 12:29 pm

He was wearin' an onion on his belt, 'cause that was the fashion in those days.

Nothingisamiss August 27, 2011 at 8:54 pm

God, for some reason I just have loved that line since I first heard it.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Who knew?

Guppy06 August 26, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Because if there's one thing emergency management needs more of, it's untrained and uncoordinated volunteers.

And then we can all get trauma counseling from the Church of Scientology.

RadioIrene August 26, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Yeah, those damn community organizers.

Callyson August 26, 2011 at 11:16 pm

“We should be like 1900; we should be like 1940, 1950, 1960”
And in a related story…
The portrait of Galveston captured by the 2010 Census shows a city in transition: smaller and more closely aligned with the demographics of the state…
…the number of African-Americans has dropped dramatically…
And the population dropped below 50,000 for the first time in decades, putting some federal funding at risk. http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/C

Negropolis August 26, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Isn't a good chunk of Galveston still in ruins after its most recent hurricane?

DahBoner August 26, 2011 at 11:56 pm

30 years ago it was rundown.

A hurricane would class up Galveston…

HistoriCat August 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Especially parts away from the touristy areas.

I wish Ron Paul had been down here right after Hurrican Ike. He could have talked about not needing FEMA and everyone affected could have told him to STFU. People don't say "why do we need FEMA" they say "why does it take the government so long to respond?"

Ron Paul can eat a bag of lightly salted rat dicks.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Make them "heavily salted," Historicat. Maybe he can pop a blood vessel right afterwards, just to keep the masses happy.

glamourdammerung August 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Well, he did earmark several million dollars (even after the huge amount of normal Ron Paul earmarks for his district) and sent staffers to meet with Rick Perry to cry about how the feds were not giving them enough money after Hurricane Ike.

Nothingisamiss August 27, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Wow. Do tell. A hypocrite, my, my. I may need smelling salts.

ManchuCandidate August 26, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Shhhh, don't tell Ron Paul that the Invisible Hand is imaginary.

He might get ideas about Santa or that socialist fucker, the Tooth Fairy.

x111e7thst August 26, 2011 at 11:37 pm

"..we should be like 1940, 1950, 1960". Or if it was like 1836 then all the Texans would be running away from the advancing Mexican Army. That would be funny.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:50 am

He just wants a return to Jim Crow.

Nothingisamiss August 27, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Jim Crow is people, too, my friend.

DahBoner August 26, 2011 at 11:53 pm

I thought the magic was when you hired some Arabian horse idiot, sit back and did nothing, while all that urban redevelopment floats right on past…

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:51 am

The Good Lard wanted those damn urbans washed out, din't he? Seems to me I 'member some fine Suthun gentleman said so. Said Gawd was doing for N'awlins what had needed to be done. As the city drowned, and desperate people died.

MiniMencken August 26, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Ah, Galveston in 1900. At least 6,000 residents are drowned as the hurricane comes ashore right over the barrier island of Galveston, highest elevation eight feet above MSL. In the days after, residents of the white persuasion conscript all negro males to sift through the wreackage and haul corpses to mass burial sites. That is absolutely what we should do again — but only after we have rounded up every KKK member, Confederate re-enacter, Teabagger, Bircher, Fox News employee, religious charlatan, NeoCon and Federalist Society member, driven them to some quarry, and just dealt with 'em. Know what I mean?

RadioIrene August 27, 2011 at 1:33 am

Confederate re-enacter, Teabagger, Bircher, Fox News employee, religious charlatan, NeoCon and Federalist Society member

I am going to steal that phrase.

Doktor Zoom August 27, 2011 at 12:00 am

And we don't need any nanny state fire codes or labor regulations, either, Why, the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory would have been profitable again after hiring a few new gals, anyway, only people had a hissy fit about it.

not that Dewey August 27, 2011 at 12:12 am

And they would have been spared the expense of changing all those locks!

PaulSupporter August 27, 2011 at 12:05 am

The writer should check their references. If you watch the original interview you will find that Ron Paul never said we should be like the 1900's. It's a misquote, so this whole article is a farce. It is simply an attempt at making to make him look too old and too backward. He just spoke of how that [even] in the 1900's people were able to rebuild a city! Take the time to watch the video so you can actually know what you're talking about next time.

DustBowlBlues August 27, 2011 at 12:08 am

If we had a time machine to 1836, we should go back in time–being careful to recruit a wonkeratti who majored in Spanish, not English (could be the toughest part) and work intelligence on the side of the Mexicans.

Imagine how nice this country would be if there were no Texas, just wild and crazy towns stretched along the Red River. And no, we wouldn't encourage them to keep moving north and claim the Indian Nations, thank you very much.

I want to see Ron Paul and the vile issue of his loins hold hands–no, guns–and block any federal helpers that try to come to the aid of Eric Cantor's district. Panty-waist Eric would have to hide behind a tree and peep out from time to time.

Now that the hurricane is downgraded to Level 1, I'll say what's been on my mind since this Irene shit started: if the winds do not exceed 75 mph, I'm going to scoff at the east coast like the Californians did after the alleged earthquake. We hit 70 at least once a year.

For the disaster smackdown, the May 3 tornado in OKC in the late nineties topped out at 350 mph circular winds. (The first recorded F6). There weren't more deaths because of the National Storm Center, right here in the heart of the Dust Bowl. It may be the only agency the okies aren't stupid enough to want to defund. On second thought, they probably think weather news comes from the expansive weather labs where the teevee people come from and the feds have nothing to do with it.

Wish the Almighty could come through with a storm and take only the stupid ones. Then again, it would leave OK with a population slightly less than North Dakota.

Nitey. I've been working my ass off making a delicious dinner, complete with coconut custard pie, for a family of four at church whose mother just broke her leg (meh–that's what she gets for running the stairs at the stadium in 100F just to be healthy) because that's what actual Xians do, which is why the real ones like I don't have time to bomb women's clinics. We're too busy doing the shit that Jesus actually wants us to do.

Later, losers.

(Fuck me. Sorry about the length of this. It's as if I don't have anyone around here to say shit like this to.)

mayor_quimby August 27, 2011 at 12:43 am

You win, I get winded climbing 3 flights in my high rise office, in the AC.
I did cook my own dinner today, but fuck, I am lazy.

yyyaz August 27, 2011 at 12:53 am

Just keep sayin' it here, DBB. I'm in your boat, too.

flamingpdog August 27, 2011 at 1:25 am

Bless you, Dust. I needed reminding there was someone with a soul between Denver and Austin.

RadioIrene August 27, 2011 at 1:38 am

DBB, great rant,as usual. And you're right about the hype. Nonetheless, having lived through a few of these blowers, they suck.

MLHencken August 27, 2011 at 6:57 am

Message received. I'm in your club, DBB.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 27, 2011 at 9:02 am

Imagine there is no Texas.
It's easy if you try….

Nice rant Ms Blues.

Nothingisamiss August 27, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Some say I'm a dreamer..

reliefsinn August 27, 2011 at 9:19 pm

350 mph?
Holy Jeebus!

gullywompr August 27, 2011 at 12:21 am

Ah, the Paulturds, bless their hearts:

"Those rich people should buy their own freaking insurance or not build in a hurricane zone! PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!"

"Lives? What lives?"

fuflans August 27, 2011 at 12:35 am

We should be coordinated but coordinated voluntarily with the states

yeah dr paul and i would like to voluntarily coordinate the fruit of my womb.

glamourdammerung August 27, 2011 at 12:51 am

Libertarians never stop to think about how long they would be around if there was no society to protect them. One way or the other, that abrasiveness simply to be an ass personality defect they all seem to share would end pretty quickly.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 4:01 am

Libertarians, like every other deluded cult, seem to assume that they'll be at the top of the heap, when we're all reduced to a heap. On what they base this foolish assumption, it is not clear, since common sense ought to tell them that groups of people working together will have a distinct advantage over the John-Galt-loner type they idolize. But there you go. Common sense appears not to be their strong point.

not that Dewey August 27, 2011 at 9:59 am

If they're all in a heap, that sure will make the cannibalism more convenient.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Though not, I hasten to add, more delectable. Just remember to (1) hose them off; (2) singe off any hairs; and (3) grill or broil to draw off as much of the fat as you can.

not that Dewey August 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm

In my fantasy of the Libertarian Dystopia, there won't be a lot of time for delectability. We're gonna have to eat and run, most likely. And the high levels of hexafluoride in the air and water will kill most of the food-borne bacteria.

ManchuCandidate August 27, 2011 at 7:48 am

Plus lack of any useful skills.

Most of libertarians would find themselves (or just their heads) strapped to the hood of the Ayatollah of Rock'n Rollah's rocket car as he chased Mad Max's tanker truck.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Just their heads. It's not that easy to strap a 300-lb doofus to your rocket car, especially when they're dead weight. Have you seen the lardasses who weep for Ron Paul?

Doktor Zoom August 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Good raw material for the Bartertown Rendering Plant.

glamourdammerung August 27, 2011 at 12:55 am

Keep in mind that this is the guy that was so far retarded right-wing that the GOP redistricted him out of his seat.

pinkocommi August 27, 2011 at 1:04 am

Don't you remember the good old days, when everyone was left to fend for themselves, with none of those governmental agencies around to bother us? Let's bring back the Stone Ages. They were good times.

KenLayIsAlive August 27, 2011 at 6:07 am

Rickets for everyone!

pinkocommi August 27, 2011 at 1:06 am

The Liberterians' ideal is the community created in Lord of the Flies, and Ron Paul is Piggy.

Doktor Zoom August 27, 2011 at 2:04 am

I'm paying for this conch shell!

poncho_pilot August 27, 2011 at 4:33 am

sucks to yer ass-mar, Piggy!*

*Piggy might be less likely to have ass-mar if we had better environmental regulations. or so i have read.

Nothingisamiss August 27, 2011 at 9:25 pm

In a book? Using science? I'll bet you feel pretty stupid now that I found you out.

poncho_pilot August 28, 2011 at 3:29 pm

stupid like a fox.

check and mate.

PubOption August 29, 2011 at 12:06 pm

A book with a big error in the science, so maybe the repubs will like it.

flamingpdog August 27, 2011 at 1:33 am

“A state can decide. We don’t need somebody in Washington.”

We sure as hell don't need you in Washingon. Go home, Ron, and protect Galveston from natural disasters.

donner_froh August 27, 2011 at 2:19 am

We should be like 1900; we should be like 1940, 1950, 1960
before the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Civil Rights Act of 1968, the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Before the desegregation of Ole Miss, University of Alabama, LSU. Back when people (white people, the ones who count) could talk about States' Rights with the understanding that everyone knew it meant keeping blacks in their place and lynching them if necessary.

Thank you, Ron Paul, for not even trying to make it look good. Thank you for being a stupid racist piece of shit that continues to remind me how corrupt you and the rest of the right wing, including Libertarians, have always been.

imissopus August 27, 2011 at 2:24 am

“A state can decide. We don’t need somebody in Washington.”

He's right. Look at how well Louisiana fared when Bush basically ignored it until after Katrina made landfall.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:38 am

Jeezus fucking J.H. Christ and his Black brother Harry! Why are the Repuglycan'ts always hearkening back to the Good Ol' Days a century or so ago? Don't they realize that the times they have a-changed? We need to be looking *forward,* ya dumb fucks, preparing for the world of tomorrow. Not weeping over butthurt past or present. Holy quacking duckshit, these people are raving fucking loonies.

fuzzywzhe August 27, 2011 at 2:59 am

"Don't they realize that the times they have a-changed? We need to be looking *forward,* "

To what?

Warrantless wiretapping?
Another renewal of the Patriot Act?
Another war against a Muslim country?

the country has gone fascist, and the only ONLY person running for president that is even standing in the way of it is Paul.

If you're happy with all the crap Bush did, vote for anybody but Paul, because NOBODY else will even TRY to reverse any of it.

And you might want to talk to your parents, better yet your GRAND parents, to see how the country has changed. There is something to learn from older people. For example, the government wasn't entirely corrupt 40 years ago. Bush makes Nixon look like a Saint, and Carter makes Obama look like an effective president.

At least Carter had some balls.

MLHencken August 27, 2011 at 7:00 am

Needs moar duckshit. or butthurt. Can't decide.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Whatthehell, let's give them a bit of both. God knows they deserve it. Quaaaack!

poncho_pilot August 27, 2011 at 4:45 am

maybe after the hurricanes we can just pile up the corpses, dig through their clothes* for any items that are worth something**, and pick off the scavenger animals/people with a rifle for food or to cook and sell on the boardwalk in Galveston (who hasn't wanted to try eating sea gull/human at least once?). free motherfucking markets!!! afaik, the only good thing Ron Paul has ever done is bring my brother-in-law into the world and someone else could have done that.

*mouths
**gold fillings/teeth(gold standard, yes!)

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Dear poncho_pilot,

We must be related, because I was going to post something like that and then self-censored for reasons I can never reveal. Oh, all right, because I'm a chickenshit.

I upfist you with many upfists.

Sincerely,

Michele's (favourite, pretty, print pair of) Pantalones

poncho_pilot August 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm

there's some possible resemblance. thank you for the upfisting. Wonkette's a lovely place to go since the wife doesn't want to hear me prattle on about this kind of thing.

being that the aforementioned comment is the kind of thing i'd say in polite or impolite company (sometimes much to my later regret) it would be best to assume i'm like an old (but not actually old), liberal, white, straight, male crank version of Estelle Getty from the Golden Girls. except i don't have any mental illnesses to blame it on*.

*derp! maybe i have "Libunacy". derp!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I feel like I'm gaining a family here, with all my fellow Libunatics.

Yeah, herp derp, fella. Besides, mental illness makes for interesting discourse, or something.

poncho_pilot August 27, 2011 at 3:35 pm

one of us! one of us!

glamourdammerung August 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Just remember, it is not looting if you are white.
http://www.snopes.com/katrina/photos/looters.asp

poncho_pilot August 28, 2011 at 3:03 pm

we'd be foraging and finding. hunting and gathering. of course.

EatsBabyDingos August 27, 2011 at 7:22 am

The 1900 Galveston Hurricane saw approximately 8000 people swept into Galveston Bay, where the bodies floated for days, rotting in the Gulf sun. They were all named "Bob."

Pop_Socket August 27, 2011 at 7:29 am

To really get Galveston-level death numbers you would also need to disband the National Weather Service. But I hear that's on the agenda too.

glamourdammerung August 27, 2011 at 8:41 am

HURRICANE MONITORING IZ SOCIALIZMS!!!11111!!!!LET THE MARKETS DECIDE1!!!!!11

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 3:13 pm

I think it was Santorum who suggested replacing NOAA with AccuWeather.com when he was still a senator.

Madcabbie August 27, 2011 at 7:52 am

I should had put this old fart in my 2011 death pool!
http://dccabbie.blogspot.com/2011/08/death-pool-2

not that Dewey August 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

I couldn't help but notice the CfA link on your site. I spent a rather enjoyable week there about this time last year. Are you some kind of astrophysicist-cabbie?

KenLayIsAlive August 27, 2011 at 4:31 pm

You just made me think about the death of both Limbaugh AND Cheney. It made my day!

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 7:52 am

“A state can secede. We don’t need Texas in Washington.”

A Rick Perry fixer-upper. You're welcome, Ron.

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 7:56 am

Galveston, oh Galveston, I still hear your hurricane blowin'
I still see Ron's eyes glowin'
He was 21 in 1900 Galveston

-Glenn Campbell

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Er … just how old is the wretch, anyway?

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Ron Paul is as old as the sun and as timeless as the ocean.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Frightening thought. He'll probably still be running for President when I finally go toes up.

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 2:26 pm

He will be USA America's Eternal President™

Come here a minute August 27, 2011 at 7:57 am

Let the market decide which cities get wiped out by tornadoes or hurricanes.

glamourdammerung August 27, 2011 at 8:54 am

While I am impressed that Ron Paul managed to out-Paultard the Paultards, I still simply can not wrap my head around how someone could be so stupid or outright insane to think the 1900 Galveston hurricane is worth repeating.

I think the Paultards are going to end up regretting whining about how the media was not covering their candidate.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 9:49 am

Hey Wonkettes, My place for Spam, tinned corn, baked beans and chocolate!

Chet Kincaid August 27, 2011 at 10:07 am

Stay safe, Baby!

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 10:19 am

Will do. It's just starting to rain , I am in a higher elevation in Northern Manhattan, here in Harlem, so I doubt we will get flooded, but I look out over Central Park and there are no buildings taller than ours ibetween us and the Park, so I think we may get some mad winds. I will document the procedings!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Be careful, beautiful one. Although you have natural, inbuilt flotation devices, I'm sure your fellow Wonketteers would prefer that they remain safe within their comfy coverings and don't have to deploy to float you outa there! Where is the loving spouse? Isn't he worrying about you? Did you win that part you were trying for? Is that why you're in Harlem now instead of safe on the Left Coast wiv us?

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Loving spouse is painting as he has a gallery show opening in Santa Monica in December, so he has enormous pieces of art all over our house, so I came back to NYC for the new theatre season and to audition.He worries about me, but I am good I have 2 led lanterns, a crank radio , my Kindle fully-charged and lots of books and my trusty MacBook Pro with lots of movies, my cats and tins of Spam….

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I hope you bought lots of wine to tide you over until the looting ends. Oh, and water.

HistoriCat August 27, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Wine is what you drink during the hurricane – you switch to beer for the clean-up/looting phase.

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Too true, it's one of those things you forget like white pants – before or after labor day? No white pants after looting, obvs, etc.

Comrade Wingtard August 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

What do you expect of a district that names their streets after letters of the alphabet, and then, when they run out of letters, they name them "A 1/2" "B 1/2" etc.

Maman August 27, 2011 at 11:28 am

Ahhh yes. the good old days when we thought it was perfectly ok to leave 8000 people to their doom and then let the survivors die of starvation and typhus!

soojank August 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm

sightly OT, but I just asked my tea party facebook friend if Bob McDonnell and Chris Christie are RINOs for declaring states of emergencies.. and she said they were? That happened. Apparently, this hurricane is all a leftist conspiracy.

glamourdammerung August 27, 2011 at 12:22 pm

HURRICANES ARE A COMMI-NAZI LIE BECAUSE…UHM…..AL GORE IS FAT!!!111!!!!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I knew there was a reason.

SayItWithWookies August 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm

And of course the lamestream media is playing right along, giving this thing coverage like it was the only thing happening in the whole world. Slow news day, LSM? Or just trying to distract us from the Texas economic miracle?

Porter Melmoth August 27, 2011 at 12:40 pm

L. Ron Paul: Reassign fed power – from natural disasters to a fed in every bedroom, to see that ProLife sharia is enforced.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 1:13 pm

http://www.flickr.com/photos/13152388@N00/6086264

I will add to these as it warrants, just rain so far, but I will have a great view of any looters!

SayItWithWookies August 27, 2011 at 2:29 pm

It's going to get more interesting — I'm in Richmond VA and there are 50,000 houses without power. I was outside an hour ago and a ferocious band of rain and wind was over us and several trees were down on the two blocks I surveyed already. And the eye, at its closest, will be about 100 miles east of here and that's not for at least five hours.

Doktor Zoom August 27, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Has Eric Cantor's office been leveled yet, please?

V572 T-Blow August 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Best part was that explicit shot of your pussy

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Ginger, you'll notice.

V572 T-Blow August 27, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Indeed. Red hot!

102415 August 27, 2011 at 7:39 pm

I'm here in the East Village and so far just rain. A lot of nice places to eat are open as are our corner stores which had plenty of everything as of 7PM. I've got my eye on One World Trade building half finished with a huge crane still popped up top shrouded in gloomy clouds. I walk my Iggy around 11 or 12. I'll report back if it's report worthy.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 7:49 pm

It is just getting a little rainy and windy here now, but nothing major just yet, all of the local businesses are closed now, but a couple of the crack dealers were still operating!

HistoriCat August 27, 2011 at 8:49 pm

So far the cat pictures are the most exciting part! Maybe by tomorrow morning you'll have something a little more interesting to show.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 8:54 pm

It's pouring now, but it's dark out so no good pictures tonight, but I will go to the park in the morning and see what is happening there, meanwhile enjoy Neville and Fiona.

HistoriCat August 27, 2011 at 9:21 pm

At the rate this sucker is moving, you might have heavier rains tomorrow morning. Sorry darlin' – stay dry!

poncho_pilot August 27, 2011 at 1:48 pm

“We should be like 1900 BC; we should be like 1940, 1950, 1960 BC,” Paul said.

makes more sense that way.

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Yes, because Ron Paul is an eternal creature who rises up once every 10 generations to feed on the life force of babies before slumbering for another eon.

poncho_pilot August 27, 2011 at 2:40 pm

"ph'nglui mglw'nafh R'yohn Pth'ahgl T'thix'issss wgah'nagl fhtagn."

"In his house at Texas sleeping Ron Paul waits dreaming"

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Now this is what we need on the Wonkett – less Ron Paul and more Cthulu.

HistoriCat August 27, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Cthulu's plan is more coherent.

102415 August 27, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Lovely.

johnnyzhivago August 27, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Great, the Great Usurper is at FEMA HQ sending out encoded Twitter messages to his sleeper agents, ready to strike as the "storm" passes through.

No doubt monitoring the "evacuation". Wonder how many Republicans end up in FEMA "shelters" for "permanent" re-education???

BlueStateLibel August 27, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Hopefully all of 'em!

102415 August 27, 2011 at 7:42 pm

All of them Katie, every last one we can hunt down.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm

They both have eyes of an unusual shade of green. Almost as if the center around the lens were actually a sort of cobalt bluish, while the iris itself was a pale, pure, grassy green. Zingiber used to lie among the tall plants in the garden looking like a bit of orange haze, his eyes the perfect colour of the delicate green stalks of the California poppies that rivaled his rich, red coat for colour. He died at around the same time as my Dad, which leaves me very confused sometimes. I can't mourn them individually.Thank you so much for sharing Neville with me, Lizzie.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 3:50 pm

You can be his Uncle Pantalones.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 3:54 pm

It is a great honour and I accept, with thanks.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi August 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm

FEMA's 8,000 Federal Employees are now
folded into Homeland Gestapo under Janet

Police State USA

Negropolis August 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Bless your crazy, little heart. I rest assured, though, that when the black helicopters come, they'll only be coming for you.

BTWBFDIMHO August 28, 2011 at 12:03 am

Here's a list of 2009 federal earmark requests from Rep. Ron Paul.

Only for the Subcommittee on Homeland Security:

• $10 million for Coast Guard to improve Galveston Rail Causeway

• $8.8 million for FEMA for drainage at Cove Harbor in Aransas County

• $2.2 million for FEMA to reconfigure and stabilize Capano Causeway Pier

• $500,000 for FEMA for Aransas County drainage master plan

• $35 million for FEMA for drainage in Friendswood

• $10 million for FEMA for drainage project for Friendswood/Clear Creek

• $10 million for FEMA for drainage project for Friendswood/Clear Creek

• $5 million for FEMA to recycle household hazardous waste in Friendswood

Whole list here: http://blog.chron.com/txpotomac/2008/04/ron-pauls

HistoriCat August 28, 2011 at 8:12 am

That was different … a Republican was in the White House then.

Wait – "recycling"??? Socialism!!!

not that Dewey August 28, 2011 at 9:05 am

$80M will buy you a whole lot of Galt.

KenLayIsAlive August 28, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Hey, that money's not gonna earmark itself, right?

SilverTsunami August 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm

"We should be like the 1900s." 1918 influenza mandemic killed hundreds of thousands–good times!

MinAgain August 29, 2011 at 6:27 pm

The Galveston hurricane? Really? Well, I guess the way all those people got washed out to sea was a lot more efficient than providing food and emergency shelters to survivors.

glamourdammerung August 30, 2011 at 12:46 am

Speaking of Ron Paul nostalgia, remember when he cleared 2% of the GOP presidential nomination vote? Yeah, me neither.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:08 pm

The cats are there with you? Wow, traveling with Neville must be quite the feat. I send him sincere kittylove while avoiding his powerful love-slashes. I don't think I've met the other kitty yet, but at least I know they're watching over you and keeping you safe. Great photos, although now I'm even more worried about you. Come home warm and dry with success in all your auditions!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Well, at least the last is a semi-comforting thought.

A Libertarian dystopia will certainly result in the attempted extermination of us Oldz, especially the gimps, so let's hope we don't get one, but if we do, it was a real pleasure knowing you.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Big Neville is with his Daddy in LA, I foster cats in NYC, so I have two little homeless characters with me here.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Aw! That is wonderful. You're a terrific person, Lizzie, and that is the unanimous assessment of our great hairy buggers, who spread their knived paws at you, in their own affectionate way. I await with trepidation news of your safe return to the loving slashes of dear Neville, with whom I am already half in love.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm

I have added some pictures of Neville to that photostream, one where he is using our other cat, Fiona, as a pillow.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Suddenly, I am so glad to soon be dead.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Ah, yes, Fiona. Poor thing. She doesn't seem to mind, sleeping peacefully through her squashing. Neville, though. What beautiful eyes he has. I can't look at him without a great spasm of sadness for my lost and much-loved Zingiber; and yet, it's almost as if he lives on in Neville, in a happy home someplace warm. Thank you, Lizzie. Snarklessly.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Ginger Toms just steal your heart, don't they?

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 2:50 pm

I struggled with whether or not to up-fist that last comment. My darker side one out.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 2:54 pm

That great big lardbucket certainly stole mine, Lizzie. I feel sometimes I will never stop looking for that waving orange flag of a tail coming down the high hillside. My vet says ginger toms are the most affectionate cats, and he certainly could have been talking about Zingiber, who followed me everywhere like a puppy, and couldn't sleep unless it was right next to me. Even if he did flee in terror every time he saw me as if it was the very first time. At least until he recognized me again.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Here is the giant mutant Zingiber, in all his glory, surrounded by two of the other current residents of La Casa de Los Gatos. Note that he is easily three times the size of the other poor mogs: http://kalimao.blogspot.com/2010/05/caturday.html

Limeylizzie August 27, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Awww. They are just the best, Neville does the extreme fear everytime he sees my husband.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 3:04 pm

I'm so proud of you!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 3:09 pm

The first time I met the stupid little shit, he must have been about 6-8 weeks old. He took one look at me and fled, screaming at the top of his lungs (you have NEVER heard anything scream like that – poor Faye Wray would've been hard put to top him), dived behind the bed and got stuck, the fat little lout. Imagine my surprise as I followed this wailing creature only to see two fat little paws kicking desperately upwards as he hung, head-down, trapped between bed and wall.

I got talked into taking him anyway. I think there's a tattoo on my forehead that says "Sucker" in some language known only to cats.

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Top of the world, ma!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Jeezus, that was a great movie! I still get chills thinking of that line.

Doktor Zoom August 27, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Jeeziz thassa big cat.

Chet Kincaid August 27, 2011 at 4:21 pm

OT, but you have excellent taste in music. I have seen Youssou and Baaba Maal several times over the years. I'd love for those guys and Cheikh Lo to tour as "Trois Tenors Du Senegal."

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Where? Where? Get 'em, quick!

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Twenty-three pounds of prime slob, in his prime. His other names were "Blob," "Lump," "Zingy Burrito," and "Hernia Boy." He had long, strong, very sharp claws, and a permanent, paranoiac fear of everything, which meant that picking him up was always fraught with danger. Towels handy for mopping up blood, etc. — de rigeur.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Thank you kindly. I have pretty eclectic taste in music, and if you know where/how I can get my hands on good music of any variety — my tastes run from Chinese opera through jazz, rock, Indian classical, gamelan, and just about anything from Africa — I shall be forever in your debt.

MichelesPantalones August 28, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Do you like Bellemou?

Chet Kincaid August 27, 2011 at 4:32 pm

All of a sudden, going down to Tower or Virgin and taking a random trip through the various World genres – or anything else – is lost to nostalgia. No bookstores, no record stores – what's a bored guy supposed to do while his wife wastes hours in Nordstrom or Hysteria & Mayhem?

SpurningBeer August 27, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I recommend Thierry "Titi" Robin, and Tinariwen.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I used to take books with me since the ex never in her life saw a shoe store that she could pass without extended salesperson-wrangling. But yes, the disappearance of retail books and music from the brick-and-mortar world will make a huge difference. The global-and-virtual marketplace is still a thing of the future. I'm waiting for the implants and technology that will let us log in and stay connected 24/7. It'll all be commerce-driven, of course, which means lots of porn.

not that Dewey August 27, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Same here. If you find yourself gnawing on a human right calf, and you notice a biopsy scar about midway up the fleshy part, that was me.

I assume that when they say they want to "go back to 1900", they want to go back to the 1900-era average life expectancy, too. After 40, we're a net drag on the economy. We cost too much to maintain. Plus, we don't fit into the mine tunnels anymore.

MichelesPantalones August 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Well, of course they want to go back to the earlier life expectancy! There's no way any of us will live past 40 in that calf-gnawing environment, yaknow. The race goes, as we like to say, to the swift and the strong. Once you hit forty, you're pretty much staring slow and fat right in the face.

Is it truly sick of me to admit that I laughed out loud while reading this? Mind you, if you find yourself chewing (or gumming, as is more likely given the lack of health care under our Libertarian overlordz) a left leg with an artificial knee, that was probably me. Hopefully I won't be too stringy from evading capture by then.

not that Dewey August 27, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Even if you do evade capture, your muscles and bones will have too much Strontium 90 in them to be suitable for eating. Alpha radiation is mainly safe as long as you don't ingest it.

Speaking of which, I found a vial of D2O (heavy water) in a lab where I was an instructor a couple years ago. I asked the professor whether it was wise to leave it lying around like that, where freshman might find it. He said it was no problem as long as I don't drink it, and even then it's not so much a health risk. It just makes it easier for the authorities to track my movements through airports and border crossings.

Doktor Zoom August 27, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Just about the only funny idea in Joseph Heller's ill-considered Closing Time was the NSA kidnapping the Chaplain when it was discovered that he was pissing deuterium.

The other funny bit was the idea that Dan Quayle gets elected President, and his Secret Service codename is "The Little Prick."

Hurricane Ali August 27, 2011 at 9:49 pm

But does the Great God Cthulu want to end the wars in the Middle East? No, wait, I did not mean to question – I mean the Great God Cthulu is all-knowing! I did not mean it! Please, don't eat meeeee! AGGGGGGHHH!

HistoriCat August 28, 2011 at 12:49 am

Once Great Cthulhu eats everyone there won't BE anyone left to fight wars!

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