terror and destruction

Terrorists Not Nearly as Good at Killing People as Dogs

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Either we are doing a TERRIFIC job keeping those terrorists away, ha ha, OR we are not spending nearly enough money on the real threats in this country. It sounds like maybe it is the latter, because people are just dropping dead everywhere, from things like “dog bites,” instead of at the hands of evil terrorists.

Last week, the State Department its annual Country Reports On Terrorism, which surveys terrorism injuries and deaths worldwide last year.

The report notes that 15 American private citizens died from terrorism last year worldwide, with almost all the deaths occurring in Afghanistan and one each occurring in Iraq and Uganda. While this statistic is tragic, it should be noted that it is dwarfed by the number of Americans who died from two other causes which do not receive nearly as much sensationalistic media coverage: dog bites and lightning strikes.

According to a website that collects media reports of dog bite fatalities and data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), 29 Americans were killed by lightning strikes last year and 34 Americans were killed by dog bites.

Who are all these murderous dogs? Probably illegal immigrant dogs, from Iraq and Mexico, or some other sinister place. [ThinkProgress]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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  • yyyaz

    Ah'll give up mah pit bull when they pry it from mah cold, dead neck.

    • Crank_Tango

      win. might as well close down the comments now.

    • BobsGunt

      that's fantastic.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Damn … now I got tears in my eyes and can't read the rest of the comments!

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    It only takes one "big" terrorist hit to spend something like $4Tn on bullshit like wars and the dept of homeland security.

    Something like 3000 people died, which was awful and I don't mean to diminish that. It was simply so spectacular that the richest country in the world spent trillions to make sure it didn't happen again, and, frankly, we're reaping the rewards of that now with a moribund economic growth forecast and stupid tax cuts.

    OBL wins.

    I'm trying to add snark here but it's very hard. America should be proud, strong and defiant, not fearful and fooled into economic idiocy.

    • HistoriCat

      America should be proud, strong and defiant, not fearful and fooled into economic idiocy

      But then how will incompetent Republican hacks and fearful Democratic me-too politicians stay in office??

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        The sad case of America today.

        I'm not American, I'm British, I'll make that clear. However, I'm a huge fan of American thought and invention and willingness to to build. That shit hasn't been extant for a while now. Now it's crazy crazy religion and dumbfuck appeals to ignorance. From the country with some of the best educated people in the world, destroying education and healthcare is a priority.

        As a Euro living here, I'm baffled.

        • HistoriCat

          As someone who has lived here for his entire life, I'm equally baffled.

          Is it because we never came to grips with the Vietnam war? The country seems to consist of those who think the war was a colossal mistake and those who have an unassailable belief not only in the rightness of the war but also that it was only lost through some sort of treachery. Other concepts (like social issues and economic issues) seem to fall into these two camps in a predictable way for the vast majority of people. I had hoped that as the older generation died off we could get beyond that – but those attitudes have been passed down and younger people have coalesced around two worldviews. We may be seeing a modern-day version of Guelph and Ghibelline factions.

          • Crank_Tango

            you know who else thought the war was only lost through some sort of treachery…

          • SayItWithWookies

            Oliver North?

          • SudsMcKenzie


          • Bonzos_Bed_Time

            King George III?

          • Nothingisamiss

            Cheney? (That Dick.)

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      I hear you, but it wasn't economic idiocy for the banksters and the war profiteers.

      For them, everything is going according to plan.

      That's what American's never get it seems. "Oh, the economy is terrible!" Sure, if you're one of the bottom 99.9%. For those other assholes, things have never been better.

      • Nothingisamiss

        And I don't think that at the beginning they even had a plan….just step by step doing only what's best for them, no matter who lost out/died. It worked so well, that, hey! Logic moves forward! Blackwater (Xe) didn't spring out of nowhere, nor did the credit default swaps, mortgage fraud or Halliburton. If it works, and people don't seem to give a shit, or if they point they're second ammendment solutions the other way……keep going.

        • glamourdammerung

          In fairness though, you do not really need a plan when you can change the rules at any time to benefit yourself.

          • Fukui_sanYesOta

            Sickening yet true.

            This capitalism uber alles shit can get old.

    • Radiotherapy®

      It only takes one "big" terrorist hit to spend something like $4Tn on bullshit like wars and the dept of homeland security.

      Something like 3000 people died, which was awful and I don't mean to diminish that. ……we're reaping the rewards of that now with a moribund economic growth forecast and stupid tax cuts.

      I can't tell you FsYO how many times I've tilted at that windmill. What you speak of, per typicum, is the truth. One addition: This whole sad regression could not have occurred without the Limbo, Ailes, Föx, Rove propaganda machine rolling along. People in the middle, American liberals, have been ostracized and marginated off the airwaves. How did we become evil stupid liberals from the liberal founding of this country, to abolition, the FDA, Child labor laws, eeteecee? Feeding the fear; the new bogie man. As you said: appeals to ignorance…destroying education and the profiteering of the healthcare system. Where do we start in pulling off the layers of this stinky, rotted onion.

      • Nothingisamiss


    • DashboardBuddha

      I always like this design for the rebuild:

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      3,000 people … that's, like, almost a month's worth of traffic accidents! No wonder people went apeshit and spent a trillion dollars!

  • 102415

    Grrrrrrrr. Woof! Woof!

  • BarackMyWorld

    It smells like up dog in here.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Why do dogs and lightning hate America? In a time of war, even.

    • KathrynSane

      Well, for their part, the dogs of war are pissed at having been "let slipped" so damn much lately. They need a break!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Dogs and lightning hate us for our freedom!

    • DaRooster

      Don't forget Urfquakes…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Urf! Urf!

  • SorosBot

    Come on now, you continue with that line of logic and rationality and soon you'll be claiming America should be spending money to prevent the 40,000 deaths a year that come from either lack of or inadequate health insurance instead of the billions of dollars we spend to protect us from the boogeyman who's been dead since April.

    • PrimlyStable

      Don't forget the 30,000+ people who die on America's highways each year. Oh, and the similar number who are killed by guns.

      • LetUsBray

        Guns don't kill people. FREEDUMB does.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Oh, hahahaha, yes! We don't care about poor people dying unless they're going to war! Then we want/don't want them to die! Hahahaha! The health care crisis is impossible to solve! Too much money! Look, the defense dept. needs more wars!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    15 TOTAL fatalities among our exceptional head count.

    That eerie hum you hear is the sound of a thousand vuvuzelas other war-torn, poverty-exploited, terrorism-engulfed nationalities and ethnicities barely stifling their laughter with derision.

  • bumfug

    Well of course there are hardly any Americans getting killed by terroroists – we have the TSA grabbing everyone's nuts and strip-searching incontinent old women to stop shit like that.

  • AJWjr.

    Lightning ain't so tough. Ask Lee Trevino. His wife scared the hell out of him, though.

  • PrimlyStable

    It's only a matter of time before Bachman demands that Obama build a sky-fence to keep out evil terror-lightning.

    • flamingpdog

      Puhleaze, lightning bolts are the wrath of Gawd! Putting up a sky-fence will only protect the gheys, the soshulists, the Niggras, and the browns.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Fuck terrorists and pit bulls — well, really their owners, it's Irene we should all be worried about. And Eric Cantor, he's a dick too.

    • DaRooster

      My Golden was attacked by a Pit while going to a dog beach in Tahoe… piece of shit owner had it on this loose rope leash. When I told him to get his piece of shit dog out of here, he actually yelled at me,"I'M TRYING!"… dude and his piece of shit were very lucky that A. Had to hold on to my little puppy and B. My wife was there. I truly would have bounced both of their heads off the fucking parking lot… Pits cannot be trusted at all. My son in law's dog got tore up by his "friend's" pit… they weren't even playing, just sitting around.
      Sorry for the rant but yeah… fuck pit bulls.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        They're sort of the redneck assholes of the dog world.

        • DaRooster

          Bubba is my Golden's name…
          And just like the Rednecks… they really need to quit letting them breed… fucks are everywhere.

  • Callyson

    Oh great. Now my dog is giving me a look that says "Give me a treat now. Or else."

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      A capitalist running-dog, no doubt.

    • DaRooster

      So you have one of them Kochounds?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    If the thunder don't get ya, then the lightning will.

  • arihaya

    obviously this is all Obama's fault

  • bagofmice

    Build the dang faraday cage!

    • finallyhappy

      I learned about that from LOST- and a physicist I worked with at my agency! Even old administrators can learn facts- if we want to. Hey, you aren't one of my old physicists from NY, are you?

  • chascates

    How many Americans die from lack of proper medical care, insufficient nutrition, or dangerous Chinese imports? Freedom does come at a price.

  • LibrulEleet

    We will not rest until we win the war on dogs.

  • noodlesalad

    Just wait until Al Qaeda get their hands on those dogs that shoot lightening out of their eyes.

    • tcaalaw

      An even more fearsome weapon than dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths!

    • Negropolis

      Needz moar "friggin' laser beams."

  • x111e7thst

    But how many dogs have been killed by lightning? Won't anyone think of the dogs?

  • not that Dewey

    No shot. Dog bite.

  • user-of-owls

    Latest Internal Press Release from DARPA

    RE: Field Test Results for Lightning-Swallowing Dogs Program :
    Countermeasure Development for New Highly Electrified Dog Threat

    There was an old lady who swallowed a goat.
    Just opened her throat and swallowed a goat!
    She swallowed the goat to catch the dog …
    She swallowed the dog that caught the lightning,
    That buzzled and bizzled and zippled inside her.

    There was an old lady who swallowed a cow.
    I don't know how she swallowed a cow!
    She swallowed the cow to catch the goat…
    She swallowed the goat to catch the dog…
    That swallowed the lightning,
    That buzzled and bizzled and zippled inside her.

    There was an old lady who swallowed a horse –
    She's dead, of course.

    PROJECT EVALUATION: Unsucessful.

  • Troubledog

    I got a new puppy a few weeks ago and he's really cute. His name is Cody.

    • flamingpdog

      Is his mother Kathie Lee Gifford? I hear she's a real bitch.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Oh shit! How long did that tke you?! Priceless!

  • glamourdammerung

    This is good news for John McCain.

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Way to inject a dose rationality right before the National Crying Eagle Wrathful Jeebus 9/11 Fear Orgy.

    I keep thinking of the people overseas manufacturing the swag.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Dogs are secret Muslims?

    Dogs are secret Muslims!!!

    • Radiotherapy®

      Excepting, of course, that Muslim culture does not embrace dogs.

      • BornInATrailer

        See how devious the secrit is?

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Instead of praying to Mecca, we go to the "other" side of the couch 5 times a day to lick our junk. shhhhh…

      • DashboardBuddha

        Perry and Mittens were walking down the street one day and they saw a dog licking his own balls. Mittens nudged Perry and said, "don't you wish you could do that?"

        Perry replied, "don't you think he'd bite you?"

    • salt_bagel

      All Dogs Become Glorious Martyrs for Allah was one of my favorite movies growing up.

  • pinkocommi

    When will the war on lightning end?

  • MiniMencken

    My Papillons are on the job. And they vote straight Democratic Party ticket every election. Just sayin'.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I didn't think butterflies ever got to voting age.
      Ya learn somethin' ever' day.

  • Radiotherapy®

    They are not Pit Bulls, they are American Staffordshire Terriers — or I just tell people she's a "lab mix."

    • Limeylizzie

      I am single-handedly trying to stop all the cute teen boys in Harlem from being mean to their Pit Bulls by petting them, dogs not the boys, the boys I flirt with and tell them how lovely their dogs are, I am hoping they will treat them nicely and not get them in dog fights.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Word from the Insurance Underground: ALL dogs are lab mixes.

  • finallyhappy

    I was concerned- I thought it would be a story about terrorists murdering dogs. I didn't read the story but don't leave your baby alone with the Cane Corso.

  • Come here a minute

    Oh, great, now you give another excuse to idiots who are too stupid to come in out of the rain in a lightning storm, "I'm less likely to get killed by lightning than from a dog bite!"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And you have a problem with this because…?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Evolution at work, my friend.

  • salt_bagel

    Shadowy international terrorist organization The Baha Men denies any knowledge as to the location of The Dogs.

  • Negropolis

    I get the point, but when dogs and lightning start fiendishly and actively plotting our deaths, they can call me.

    Now, cats, well, I can not account for their motives at any given time of the day. They very well may be plotting our demise.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Or what? You'll release the dogs? or the towering cumulus? or the dogs with thunderclouds in their mouths so when they bark they shoot lightning at you? Well go ahead—do your worst!!"

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    We're not bombing dogs and lightning nearly enough.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    And all the while we've been lulled into believing that dogs were our freinds and cats were the creepy little interlopers….

    • Negropolis

      It really is a genius plot. You get the four-legs into our homes and then into our hearts, and then "boom", we're all dead when their masters give the order. We'll have never seen it coming.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "According to a website that collects media reports of dog bite fatalities and data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA),"

    Isn't this kind of a weird pairing of things for a website to track? Just sayin'…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I suspect my cat is trying to kill me. Does that count as terrorism?

    • ph7

      Your cat is a freedom fighter. ¡Viva la feline Revolución!

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      No, that's just normal cat behavior.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Cats do that, it's why they're cool. Sure, they'll try to run in front of your legs as you're going downstairs, but that's just a test. If you're unfit for the evolutionary feeding-pool then you get weeded out.

      Cats are smart.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Send the litte fucker to Gitmo, and they'll find out within 48 months. Cats hate water, you know what I'm sayin'?

  • Steverino247

    When the dog bites
    When Islamists strike
    When I'm feeling bad
    I simply remember the tax cuts I have
    And then I don't feel
    So sad!

  • http://theblueelite.blogspot.com simplyblue7

    these canine terrorists have alreay penetrated our society! sound the alarm!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    A dog was about to bite me when he got struck by lightning. Best of all possible worlds.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    OT time: Glenda Beck said that "there's more courage in one square mile of Israel than the whole of Europe" at his recent panderfest in Israel

    I find that a touch insulting.

    Actually, more than a touch. I'd happily rip out one of his eyes and skull-fuck the socket before passing him to ravenous dogs. What a fucking disingenuous shitbird.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I have never like lightning. It's sneaky.

  • widestanceshakedown

    For those allergic to dog saliva, my Great Dane is one gorgeous weapon of mass destruction. For the rest of the population, his happy-time tail wag is also lethally efficient.

    And I can hardly wait to get home and pal around with him all weekend.

  • ttommyunger

    Hmmmm. I've taken five rescues off the street and into my home. Sometimes I'll walk into room where they are all huddled together and when they see me they suddenly become silent. Now I know what they are up to, thanks Wonkette!

    • glamourdammerung

      Four cats, but they are not even courteous enough to mask the plotting about my demise.

      • ttommyunger

        One pound cat. An ill-tempered Tabby, appropriately named “Attilla tha Killa”.The basement is his domain. I must pay the “Pounce” Toll to ingress and egress.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Fascinating and I would recommend to all Wonkette readers.

    You may not agree, but this is thought out, which is very rare for Conservatives today.

    This is talking about the "contract with America" in the 90s.

    What if the only thing they had done was propose (and fantasy of fantasies) actually got a “balanced budget amendment” passed, think of how much agony, unemployment, the spending of the country into bankruptcy, unnecessary war(s), debt to China and other nations which mean us no good, and so on and so forth could have been avoided in the last nine years. These were not Democrat ideas. Yet they may well have been embraced by democrats if they had been proposed. We’ll never know. The Republicans betrayed their own Party, their electorate, all of us; and as far as could be seen, they were not chastised but rewarded for it.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    One more, because this is very good.

    Bear in mind this is from a conservative's perspective.

    Here’s what those Republicans that controlled all three branches of government for eight years did: 1) They entered into a war on false pretenses (whether through ignorance or malfeasance). 2) They drew down forces on a second war (a mistake?). 3) They squandered the biggest budget surplus ever by handing it to the top earners in the country in the form of massive tax cuts. 4) They enlarged the Federal Government both in size and scope. 5) They spent us into near bankruptcy from which it is doubtful that we can recover. 6) They not only violated our treaties, they violated our Constitution by first taking away our Fourth, Sixth, and Eighth Amendment rights through executive fiat and when that came under fire by passing and signing the Patriot Act (incredibly passed with bi-partisan support) which violated the same rights through legislation. 7) And they failed to enforce regulation laws with such dereliction of duty that the very economy of the country nearly collapsed. This list is just a sample; it is not complete.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Thank you. I'm not a Euro who suffers from the easy way of America-mocking. Seen that all over the place, especially in France.

    No, I love this place. It's not what I'm used to, and I don't agree some of the time. However, it's the best place I've ever lived in and I've been around like a cheap whore. It's where I choose to live.

    Wish you'd stop electing idiots. You're better than that.