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can I sit at the cool lunch table now?It was a close one for a while, but in the violent, ongoing sporting match between The Fightin’ Vacant Skulls and their boring opponent, The Scientists, there has been a breakthrough, as The Vacant Skulls have just acquired a brand new star QB, Mitt “Mittens” Romney! It took a while for Mitt Romney to come around and choose a side, but he has now, and his side is “So, you say you don’t like science? Okay then! I also do not like science!” Mitt Romney finally realized that none of his potential fans care about whether or not climate change is a real thing, because facts are for losers, so time to join the winning team!

“Amp up the crazy!” was the important campaign note that Mitt Romney received recently. And he has taken this note to heart, thank the Mormon baby Jesus.

Staring down a new rival who believes climate change science is partially some kind of international grant money shakedown conspiracy, Mitt Romney is stepping back from a view of climate change he outlined earlier this summer.

“Do I think the world’s getting hotter? Yeah, I don’t know that but I think that it is,” Romney told a crowd in New Hampshire Wednesday, according to Reuters. “I don’t know if it’s mostly caused by humans.”

Romney then tilted over and grabbed some of Rick Perry’s Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK)-endorsed ideas on the environment. That is, let’s not spend a dime doing anything about it.

“What I’m not willing to do is spend trillions of dollars on something I don’t know the answer to,” Romney said.

This is a big change from the Romney of early June, who raised eyebrows when he went against Republican dogma and talked the talk of climate change.

“It’s important for us to reduce our emissions of pollutants and greenhouse gases that may be significant contributors,” Romney said at another New Hampshire stop in early June.

“I believe the world is getting warmer, and I believe that humans have contributed to that,” Romney said at the event.

This all makes sense though, because Mitt Romney is a believer, in that he believes things that help him earn lots of friends. He unfortunately has yet to figure out that in order to make lots of friends, one must also refrain from being a creepy weirdo, but for now, good for you, Mitt Romney, may you enjoy Mother Nature’s wrath. [TPMDC]

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  • arihaya

    soon he will reject Gravity theory, which apparently doesn't apply to his hair

  • mavenmaven

    But he does believe that Jesus reappeared in North America to lead a losing war for a Native American tribe.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Jeez, his magic underwear must isolate him from the environment…

  • Fare la Volpe

    "Poseur? I never even touched her!"

  • Rotundo_

    Is there any rational belief he had prior to running that he hasn't denied to suck up to the loons? Health care bad, climate change is a lie, on he goes trying to tack further right to keep up with the loons. Though, if he is gullible to buy into Mormon theology, he probably can talk himself into believing anything at all. Gold plates from Moroni in the hat indeedy do…

    • Terry

      I bet you could get him to say that holding the Olympics in Salt Lake City was a bad idea if a potential major donor believed that.

      • Negropolis

        It's crazy. During the 2008 primaries, Mitt eviscerated John McCain when old Juan made the statement to Michigan voters that there were a lot of jobs that would never come back, here, something most Michiganders know intimately if even they don't like to publically hear it or state it. Literally a few months later, Romney is writing op-eds about how good it be for the Big 3 to not get their additional bridge loans when it became clear Obama would be leading up the government and thus not popular with the GOP base, which would have literally meant the elimination of tens-of-thousands of jobs. And, yet, he's still far and above the leading GOP primary candidate here in Michigan with Perry a distant second.

        I guess I could spin that as a good thing; that Michigan Republicans aren't too keen on Southern Republicans (John McCain won the state GOP primary 2000, and came in a not-too-distant second in 2008), but it shows they'll put up with hypocrisy and double-talk.

        • Terry

          Mitt lost what little support he had in places like Detroit and Flint that day. His little campaign add that kicked them while they were down didn't help either.

          The Michigan GOP, however, is dominated by a section of the more rural folks who gave us the Michigan Militia. They LIKE the idea of screwing over Detroit, which to them is Sodom and Gommorah with fancy rims. I honestly think that Perry will go over better with the Michigan GOP, despite the fact that he's a southerner. He talks the crazy better.

          • horsedreamer_1

            In the New American Bible, Adam & Eve weren't expelled from the Garden for eating the pomegranate of the tree of life — they suffered for rolling on dubs.

            God doesn't abide customs.

          • Negropolis

            The polls aren't showing that, though. Romney is leading Perry by double-digits in Michigan, despite Perry stomping Romney in polls in Iowa. Michigan Republicans are getting more conservative, but the local party isn't even as conservative as those in places just immediately south of here like Indiana's and Ohio's, let alone like the Southern GOP state parties. I sometimes think people think that every state GOP outside of New England is the same.

          • Terry

            Romney is nominally the home town guy, but I really do think that Perry can take that state in their primary. Talk God and guns, point out that Romney is a flip flopping hippie who just might not be a real Christian, and his number improve.

          • Negropolis

            God and guns don't go over anywhere near as well in Michigan as they do, again, even just to the South of here, and particularly in the Republican area of the state he'll need to win: Oakland County. Do you still live here? When was the last time you were here?

    • MichelesPantalones

      I read my first book about the Mormons when I was 9 years old. Even though I didn't understand much of what I was reading, it was pretty clear to me that the whole religion was a scam. My parents tell me that was the time when I became obsessed with founding my own religion as a way of becoming a millionaire before I hit 30.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It's never too late to start. All it takes is an absolute, unshakeable faith … in the stupidity of Americans. Jeebus and angels in Ohio or wherever the hell Smith put 'em is nothing — look at what L. Ron Hubbard was able to do with space aliens, evil galactic emperors, spaceships, nuclear weapons, and volcanoes!

  • SorosBot

    Wait, could Romney be .. gasp … an inauthentic panderer? Someone who just says what his audience wants to hear, and will change his position to whatever he thinks will win him the most votes? Say it ain't so! [faints]

    • fuflans

      [clutches pearls]

      this is my new fav wonkette meme.

      • Negropolis

        [procures a fainting couch]

        I miss that wonkette meme.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Quick, Jeeves! The smelling-salts, man!

  • Didn't he also desperately attempt to keep his dog cool? By driving cross-country with the kenneled pup on the roof of the family station-wagon? Yeah, thought so. ☹

    • Arken

      That makes me ill every time I think about it. It is an act that can only be done by someone totally lacking in empathy and compassion.

      And lots of people want that someone to be president.

      • Crank_Tango

        No they don't –they just don't wanna have a preznit that's nearer anymore.

        • Arken

          No, really, a lot of people wanted him to be president in 2008 long before we knew Obama would win the primary and they want him to be president in 2012. And they are nuts.

          • Crank_Tango

            "People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can't trust people."

            Super Hans

      • Geminisunmars

        C'mon. Give him a break. It doesn't say in any bible that thou shalt not mount your kenneled dog on the roof of your transport.

      • MichelesPantalones

        Not just empathy and compassion, any kind of love, affection, humane feeling. This was the family dog, not some stray mutt. A creature that grew up with his children. And what kind of kids sit by and let their Dad do this, unless he's a swinish bully? I remember my poor father having to fight all five of us off whenever he suggested that the dog sleep in its own bed, instead of in ours. We loved our pets more than our siblings, as kids (naturally, since the pets never tattled on us, or stole our books or toys). Disgusting family, all of them.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      The dog was lucky Perry wasn't jogging around there.

      • MichelesPantalones

        I dunno. Perry's dumb enough to have shot Mittens and put Seamus in the driver's seat.

  • This is how the game works:
    Scientific American article from 2005
    "Doubt Is Their Product"
    It's a PDF, sorry. http://www.defendingscience.org/upload/Doubt-is-t

    • emmelemm

      My heart hurts. Why is everything so backwards? Why are we as a nation so screwed up that if the powerful corporation says up is down and down is up, we say, "OK!"

  • GuanoFaucet

    The Mittamorphosis is almost complete!

    • Doktor Zoom

      As Mitt Romney awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a hideous teabag.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Very win.

    • DoktorThompson

      Almost. Still waiting to hear: "Hey, guys, that Mormon thing? Just kidding!"

      • V572 T-Blow

        Oh that's on the agenda, at least during the primaries. Just let Little Ricky get a few more points ahead in the polls.

      • MichelesPantalones

        He's a Bishop of his church. Why on earth would a secular nation want a major officeholder of a religious order as its President?

    • MichelesPantalones

      I am so stealing that!

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    This is truly good news for Bammaz. Milf Rooney is the one candidate who might actually have a shot with independents. If he's flip-flopping and wallowing in the shallow pool of intellectual denialism then he won't get the nomination.

    Rick Parry vs Hopey. Hopey's "finish him" move is facts and debate. Win.

    • HedonismBot

      Yes, because if there is anything recent elections have taught us – see the elections of George Dubya Bush and Republican congresses in 2000, 2002, 2004, and 2010 – it is that reason, facts and debate win the voters over every time.
      Sorry. Much as I hate the Republican't and teabagger politicians, my heart swells with rage when I think about the millions of braindead morans who keep voting them into office. They, truly, are the reason we can't have nice things.

    • Negropolis

      Honestly, at the moment, I can't see either Perry or Romney or any of the current candidates even getting the nomination. I honestly think that contrary to how it's always played out that there will be a new candidate that'll get in at the last minute. They may not initially make the splash Perry did in knocking out Bachmann (remember her?), but I think it will be someone competent enough, and unblemished by having ran for half-a-year like these others, to provide a real challenge to Obama.

      I think I'm getting pessimitic. I'm waiting for the GOP to bring out their secret weapon, 'cause their subversive like that. You look at the current field, and even a lot of Republicans must be thinking "this can't be seriouos."

      • flamingpdog

        Reach back into the bullpen?: Reagan/ Dole/2012

        • glamourdammerung

          Reagan's corpse/ Dole's dead hand/ 2012?

      • glamourdammerung

        I have seen the same which the obvious savior of the GOP being Jeb Bush.

        /sighs

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Glamour beat me to it, but really, the only remaining possible saviors are Jeb or Betrayus (I discount Rubio at this time because he really doesn't have any national presence yet, and he's also to the right of Attila the Hun. He could win the nom, but it would be the same as Perry).

        I don't think Jeb will be willing to run in '12. It's too soon — the Bush brand is still a bit smelly. Petraeus's time has, IMO, passed. Ike won the Presidency because he was perceived has having WON WW2. Davy, not so much.

        I rather think that it will be Perry, or even possibly One-L. I believe the lunatic fringe (which is now the Republican mainstream) will go for a lunatic candidate to solidify their hold on the party and pump up the loony turnout for down-ticket races. If they can hold onto the House, recent history suggests that they don't really need the Presidency.

        • Geminisunmars

          Huntsman was interviewed on PBS News Hour and by comparison sounded un-batshitcrazy. I think he still might have a shot with the repubs and indies who want the appearance of rationality in their candidate. All 5 of them.

        • Negropolis

          I just have the hardest time thinking that they nominate Perry or Bachmann. These two are so strange it's not even funny, and with so many blemishes, there isn't enough makeup on this globe to gussy up those two pigs suitable enough for America to vote for them.

          Maybe you're right; maybe they've given up on the presidency, and they want to hold the House and finally tip the Senate. I do hope that's their plan. It's one less office we have to seriously defend.

          • JerkCade

            My conspiracy-theory take since Perry announced is that Bachman was getting too much mo and the GOP powers that be told Rick to get in there and take one for the Gipper in order to fracture the crazy vote. With the aim of ending up with Romney.

            It's not multi-dimensional, but as chess moves go it seems pretty sound.

        • MichelesPantalones

          The teabaggers have abandoned Michele with the disdain that dogs reserve for live squirrels when a rotting carcass is available. She's polling a little bit higher than Herman Cain and Santorum, right now. The field belongs to Perry/Romney, and both look distasteful for too many reasons to ennumerate.

          • Negropolis

            Amazing, innit? She was literally the Queen of the GOP for, like, two whole days. lol Perry won't last much longer.

      • I'm not seeing the profile of a Republican voter who wants "reasonable", but is so racist they won't take the "reasonable" already in the White House. I also don't see how The Great White/Reasonable Hope is going to get the nom-nom without putting up dukes in the primaries, and I don't know what his/her super-smart Downey-Holmes "Discombobulate" move could be. A brokered convention? The tea partiers will burn down their nursing homes if somebody tries to steal their Precious.

        • MichelesPantalones

          I wish the teabaggage would consider self-immolation as a form of protest. The fat in their obnoxious carcasses could keep many a Poorz warm this winter.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That's a lot of CO2 released … but maybe worth it in the long run.

          • MichelesPantalones

            Well, if your ultimate goal is to wipe out the human population, Biely, and I dare say it might be, given your proclivities, wouldn't this sort of give you a leg up on the whole process?

            Just trying to be helpful here, y'unnerstand.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Now where would I be if I wiped 'em all out, eh?

            OK, still here, yeah, but still — it's the infinite variety of human fucktardedness that makes my life interesting. I mean, in 50,000 years of collecting the dregs of humanity, I only just recently came across Rick Perry's cash-for-dead-teachers scheme. Me and God had a good laugh over that one (he has me up for drinks and a bite of cake, every Christmas), although I think He cut off Texas' rain or something after He found out.

            I'm pretty sure we're going to be discussing the seize-your-home-and-rent-it-back-to-you scheme this year. Gotta go and prepare another "special place" for those fuckers now… "a devil's work is never done," as they say. Or should say.

          • MichelesPantalones

            OK, maybe Ricardo went a little far with the dead *teachers,* but I can assure you that the company I worked for insured all their workers without telling us, a few years ago. They were planning to profit off our death, I guess. We had to sign paperwork for the whole process, and I was extremely miffed to find out that they had taken out a policy on me that ran into significant quantities of money, but neither I nor my dependants would ever see a penny of it. They explained it as a needed measure in case any of us kacked on the job. It was the cost of replacing us, they said.

            So, not new. I'm disappointed in you, Biely. Although I will admit that insuring public servants such as teachers … well, sometimes that boy just goes too far.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That was "Dead Peasants Insurance" (you can look it up),
            a slimy tax dodge that failed to fool the IRS. The idea was to take corporate income and wash it through an insurance company, the life insurance payouts being non-taxable.

            The guy who dreamed it up is down here now.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Brokered convention, maybe? Put up Reaganomics czar — &, ergo, less overtly a social con whack-job (since his public profile would be as a "money, money, money" Republican, not "'l' aborto? sacreligio!" Republican) — Rob Portman, who was Mc Cain's distant third choice for VP (behind Liebermann & Palin), for Pres, with a rising star gov (not Christie; maybe Sandoval?) on the second line?

      • V572 T-Blow

        Haley Barbour is just biding his time until the deadlocked convention turns to him on the 20th ballot. "Save us, Boss Hawg simulacrum!"

      • MichelesPantalones

        Well, here's what's interesting. Romney's got all the big money people tied up. Perry is looking for big $$ supporters, and he won't find them unless they defect from the President or some of the other candidates. I think Romney's $$ people are tapped out, though. They can't throw any more $$ into the race. So now the SuperPACs come into play. Any new candidate jumping in at this late stage will have that to contend with. So far, the only person that there's any gab about is Jeb Bush, but he'd be a fool to run with Perry in the ring. So, yeah, the Republican electorate isn't liking their lineup, but I don't see that there's much they can do about it. For all that they're crying day and night about how "weak" Obama is, not one of them has the balls to go mano-a-mano with him.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Perry has his own private reserve of Texas zillionaires … no money problems there. Mitt is ignoring the other candidates and focusing on Obama, a strategy calculated to make him look like the "electable" choice. All he has to do to appeal to the Xtard/bagger demographic is pick a wingnut running mate, most likely Perry.

          • MichelesPantalones

            Thanks a lot, Biely. Now I'm really depressed. Did I mention that I picked a bad time to quit drinking?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            There's never a good time, I say.
            But consider the source.

    • arihaya

      you overrate the intelligence of average Americans

  • Mittens is the Ryan Leaf of presidential candidates.

    • user-of-owls

      Mittens is the Salieri of presidential candidates.

    • __kth__

      No, Sarah Palin is Ryan Leaf: despite fairly obvious advantages, too dumb, callow, and self-centered even to get on the field, let alone have the fair shot at winning that they had the potential for.

      Mitt is Fran Tarkenton or Jim Kelly or even Donovan McNabb, a talented also-ran who came close but for whom the stars never quite aligned themselves.

      The Tim Tebow is strong with Rick Perry. Michele Bachmann is Michael Vick (beforehand). And Barry? Peyton Manning, obviously.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    So whats next; "I'm not sure anyone really let the dogs out"?

    • Ahaha. thank you, so good. I almost forgot about "Urban Mittens".

    • Crank_Tango

      are they even out?

    • Nothingisamiss

      I think of that video clip of him every time. "woof, woof, woof, woof."

    • Negropolis

      How about "I know who was careless enough to let the dogs out. Obama. And he let slip the dogs of hell, and they're coming to eat your babies"?

      • MichelesPantalones

        Me likey. You know Mittens is probly terrified of Tha Urban.

    • LetUsBray

      "That's right; they're still strapped to the roof of my car."

      (I seriously think this is the key to taking down Willard – even some (though by no means all) brain-dead fucks care about dogs.)

      • V572 T-Blow

        It's not so much that he tortured the poor dog — it's that he thought it was a funny story worth recounting.

  • lefty74

    The guy is like rice cakes or cotton candy. Lotta fluff, little substance.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Don't know what kinda rice cakes they make in your part of town but here, they're made from glutinous rice stuffed with soy-braised pork, pork floss, salted eggs, and beans. Yum, rice cakes. Oh,yeah, tied up in leaves and steamed. Lor mai kai.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Mitt Romney doesn't believe in science. But he believes in a bunch of other nifty things

    • SorosBot

      No, Mitt Romney believes in science! When he's speaking to scientists or people who believe in science in general, that is. He only opposed science when his audience opposes science, like most of the Republican primary voters. If you spoke to Mitt Romney tomorrow, I bet he'd agree with you on every singe issue out there, after finding out what your positions on those issues were.

  • If only the facts about global warming had been engraved on those golden plates that the Angel Moroni had shown Joseph Smith there would be no question about its scientific accuracy.

    • arihaya

      the founder of LDS sure didn't anticipate the shift in the meaning of the word "Moron"

      • MichelesPantalones

        Although maybe the old scoundrel was just having himself a larf over the gullibility of the suckers who bought his flimflam scheme lock, stock, and both smoking barrels.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I think that may have been in the part that was magically welded together.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Earthquakz am not real either. Right Mittens?

    Onward xtian soldiers. Marching for the polluting industries.

    And Al Gore is fat.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Tip of the hat to your avatar. On his worst day, the Emperor Norton wasn't as crazy as these "serious" candidates, and a lot more benevolent.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The great thing about the outwardly pious is how much their religion gives them a firm footing in reality. Like for instance, Mitt has a deep-seated conviction that you say whatever the hell you need to in order to win. Which still makes him the reasonable Republican in this race.

    • Terry

      Another odd result of this primary is that Ron Paul is looking to be one of the saner ones. Note to Republicans: If you are crazier than Ron Paul, check yourself into a mental health facility asap.

  • Arken

    Well of course he hates science. Science tells us that wearing special underwear with masonic symbols in front of the nipples is not going to help with much.

    • Terry

      Au contraire. Special underwear with masonic symbols is a fantastic birth control device outside of the Mormon community.

      • MichelesPantalones

        That's the problem. No one needs birth control more than the Mormons.

  • GuanoFaucet

    It must be nice never to experience cognitive dissonance.

    • No cognate, no dissonance.

      • Nothingisamiss

        'Cept that unlike Michele, he's gotta know that he's flip flopping. Doesn't care? Sold his soul?

        • I'm guessing just utterly desperate. Plus everyone knows personal belief has nothing to do with the policies you'll advocate for anymore. It's all about how willing you are shame yourself doing what the Koch Bros, bankers, and military industrial complex ceos want.

          See, to your average American, he looks to us like the disgusting, unprincipled, flip flopper he is. But to GOP donors, he looks exactly like the kind of shameless, willing-to-do the-obviously-wrong-thing-no-matter-what-the-personal-or-national-cost man they are looking for.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          See "Bain Capital". Doesn't care.

  • BarackMyWorld

    When Romneybot changes positions it's not flip-flopping, it's a software update.

    • Crank_Tango

      anyway, flip-flopping is just a primitive form of bending.

  • What the hell is going on here? A politician playing to their base? As a Democrat, I am completely unfamiliar with this phenomenon. When will Romney's spokesperson tell them they need to be drug tested? I don't understand this at all.

  • anniegetyerfun

    He DOES realize that people write down what he says, right? And can refer back to it?

    • Nothingisamiss

      And I'm sure that any minute now, someone will interview him and ask about those things, complete with video replay. Right? Right?

      • anniegetyerfun

        If a reporter actually did that, and it was caught on camera, I swear I would climax.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          And if that was caught on camera……

        • MichelesPantalones

          I'm already having an orgasm just thinking about it.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Yeah, but anyone who quotes that stuff is a liar.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Republican rules;

        1) Anything I say is not meant to be factual.

        2) You cannot quote anything I say, as I am not saying it now.

  • JackObin

    Yessiree. Lets elect a clueless billionaire who doesn't drink and believes fervently in a ghost in the clouds who controls all his actions. At least it will get a laugh out of the rest of the world.

    • Negropolis

      Lets elect a clueless billionaire who doesn't drink and believes fervently in a ghost in the clouds who controls all his actions.

      We already had one of them last president.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And I didn't notice a whole lot of laughing out there.

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  • arihaya

    the way I see it Gadafy and Romney have many things in commons…

    both of them believe in strange things
    both of them have gazillion of children
    both of them pay too many attention to their hairs
    both of them have (or had) huge mansions
    both of them certainly hate Obama right now
    and both of them are now somewhat" unemployed"

    there is difference of course, one of them is an unprincipled cad and the other is Gadafy

    • MichelesPantalones

      <snicker>

  • Crank_Tango

    Romney also added, "Fucking magnets, how do they work?"

    • Nothingisamiss

      Things suck towards it, things are sucked against it, who knows?

  • Callyson

    Do I think the Republicans are getting crazier? Yeah, I don’t know that but I think they are…I don’t know if it’s mostly caused by humans.

    • noodlesalad

      Hell, I don't know if they ARE humans.

    • SayItWithWookies

      But I wouldn't spend trillions trying to stop it.

  • Take it to the next level, Mitt, and put a little religious spin on the force behind acts of nature. If you're buying, Pat Robertson's selling! Like that other son of a forgotten politician, you're becoming a caricature of yourself.

  • It's so fascinating watching him sell his soul one piece at a time.

    • But first he has to lay off 3/4s of his souls employees, and outsource the rest to China.

  • bflrtsplk

    Space aliens have taken over these Republicans' bodies. How else to explain it?

    • Negropolis

      Scientology. That's how.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Probe goes in, probe comes out– you can't explain it.

  • Beowoof

    He could care less, cause after his stint here on earth he gets his own planet to rule.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Someone should ask him if he's going to regulate greenhouse gases, when he has his own planet to rule.

      • MichelesPantalones

        He won't have to because everything happens automagically, in his world. And he will be god of his own little planet. Insufferable, self-important, self-aggrandizing cunts, the lot of them.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I guess this planet's just for us to practice on, then.

          I'm not familiar with the Mor(m)ons' "personal planet" woo … but I have to guess that it's only the Mormon men who get one. I mean, as long as you're creating a fantasy world, you're going to be sure it's chock full of women, right? And lots of 'em, because of the boredom thing (forever being sort of a long time.) So, clearly, the ladies aren't entitled to their own planets. (They get to vote on this one, but like I said, it's only for practice.)

          • MichelesPantalones

            That's what Mittens, et al, seem to think.
            http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_womeninmormoni

            Only men get planets, and they get to have lots of young, pretty wives. If women are not given their husbands' seal of approval, they don't get into heaven, or wherever these dumbfux think they go when they die.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Eeew … and eternally pregnant and making an infinite number of babies, too, also. That's something to look forward to!

            I'm amazed that women stay in this fucked-up church at all. Poor Mitt's going to have to do some fancy dancing if he wants the female half of the electorate to give him the time of day.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Please please please…bring the crazy! Bring it harder, deeper, wilder, and more bizarre. Please try to outdo each other in the pursuit of mythology and stupidity. You fuckers are in the fight of a lifetime. Make it good. Tear huge chunks from each other, make this kind of oneupmanship count. Every bizarre idea…every pandering position, every bit of vote whoring you try will make the sane, but nascent majority wake up at last. Bring it, you fuckers!

    • anniegetyerfun

      Did you rip your shirt open at the end of that? I hope so.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Yep…shirt ripping, followed by a smoke.

    • Negropolis

      That's hot.

      I'm still waiting for one of them to reintroduce the idea of chattel slavery, myself. It has to only be a matter of time. If they don't want to go whole hog, they could ease us back in with formal serfdom.

      • HuddledMass

        Already closing in on that — "Union Workers Are Being Replaced With Prison Labor Under Republican Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's New Collective Bargaining Law"
        People in chains doing forced labor – that's slavery, right?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          The polite term, sir, is "workhouse".

          -C. Dickens

  • Walkinwiddaking

    "This all makes sense though, because Mitt Romney is a believer,"

    A believer who will do whatever it takes to get elected.

    My, what vile creatures we support.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "I believe this will get me elected." It does have the virtue of simplicity.

  • jakegittes

    Not a real Christian. If he were a real Christian, he would accept the fact that the Jesus wearing a Tuxedo tee shirt pronounced that even though we are trying to look formal in our tuxedo tee shirt, really, we are here to party, so let's party like it's 1999 and burn as much fossil fuel as we can. But, he can't follow that logic because he is not a real Christian. He is a Mormin.

  • user-of-owls

    Any history on Mitt-Wit's parents? Cuz i've had the unpleasant opportunity to learn a lot about things like Adult Children of Alcoholics and our Mitty presents as a near perfect candidate:

    One trait that seems to be common to many adult children of alcoholics is the need to constantly seek approval and affirmation from others. Because they received very little praise or approval from their emotionally absent alcoholic parent, they look to others for approval and become constant people-pleasers.

    • Nothingisamiss

      At least Clinton was honest about that. See, demoncrats can even see WHY they fucking lie…..

      • user-of-owls

        And actually spend time learing about those 'WHYs"…fucking smarty pants.

    • BarackMyWorld

      This would certainly make ME start drinking.

      • not that Dewey

        While Romney was born in Mexico, he was still considered to be a viable and legal candidate to run for president….the first Congress of the United States in 1790 passed legislation stating: "The children of citizens of the United States that may be born beyond the sea, or outside the limits of the United States, shall be considered as natural-born citizens of the United States."

        Why does that sound so familiar?

      • MichelesPantalones

        Ann Romney's sister?

    • Negropolis

      Well, his daddy was born in Mexico 'cause his grandfather couldn't have multiple wives here in the states. I guess that's relevent only because it shows they are practicing Mormons, so they wouldn't have any alcohol problems. At least not public ones, anyway.

  • noodlesalad

    Fortunately for Mittens, the EPA hasn't started regulating snake oil.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Climate gets hotter, climate gets hotter.

    Who can explain that?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    If he had any balls, he would be standing in Austin Texas when he said that as Austin sets its latest record for the most 100 and above days in a year.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Come on Mitt! No one will take you seriously until you demand the execution of the entire Federal Reserve Board.

    You are fighting professional loons. If you are going to bring the crazy, you are going to have to bring the CRAZEE!!!

    • Negropolis

      He could always call for MA to secede. It'd be like a double bonus for the teabaggers who get a hard-on for states' rights talk, and plus Taxxachusetts would be leaving the Union.

      Either that or run on a promise to demolish the newly completed MLK monument to make way for another monument/memorial to Reagan in Washington.

  • Romney ought to start supporting Amtrak, because you really have to wonder what keeps them flying machines up in the air.

  • not that Dewey

    When I see a solar eclipse, like the one I went to last year in Hawaii, I think 'Oh no! Is the moon eating the sun?' I don't know. Because I'm a Republican — that's the way I think."

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Moon in front of sun, or giant space dragon eating sun? Teach the controversy.

      • not that Dewey

        Intelligent darkening?

  • Negropolis

    Like a common prostitute, he'll tell you anything if you give him some money. He'll even claim to love you. But, remember teabaggers, no kissing on the lips.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Will he talk baseball in a hotel room?

  • __kth__

    Thing is, teabaggers would have to be really stupid to fall for Mitt's pandering, and not expect him to recant all of it the day after he's nominated. And god knows they are plenty stupid, but not in this way I'll bet.

  • user-of-owls

    Hey, join me in this: for close to a year now, I've been doing informal 'surveying' of people from all walks of life to see whether or not they believe in human-caused climate change. The Flo's at the greasy spoon, the Roto-Rooter guy, Charlene at the DMV, small-businessman neighbor, O'Reilly-watching Mom, dentist, physician…everyone, with a tendency to oversample for republicans or repub-leaning independents.

    Not a single person has disagreed with the reality of man-made climate change. Not one. This idiots like Mitt and other flat-earth deniers are taking positions on an issue that appeal to a statistically insignificant pool of voters, virtually guaranteeing their extinction, so to speak. At least of this issue. How can they possibly pivot away from such stark, black and white position statements once they crawl out of the primary cesspool and are forced to bring that message to all the Flo's, and Charlenes and Moms out there?

    So do me a favor, start running your own poll. Don't push poll, as best you can. Just let it come up naturally in the inevitable, "Hot enough out there for ya?" situations. Either these candidates know something I don't know OR they've self-cauterized their brains to meet the TP purity test and a fully prepared to go full lemming. Which is it?!?!

    • I always like to say, "If you think that human activity cannot effect this closed system we call our Earth, please think it over while spending a night in your closed garage with the car running."

    • fuflans

      ha! just last night my mom (who has gone from being a canadian socialist to being a canadian who will ONLY read the WSJ) said: it's really scary what's happening with all these earthquakes. i think this global warming is probably real.

      • user-of-owls

        That's what I'm talkin' about!

        • genxr

          We tried facts. It didn't work. But earthquakes. Of course!

    • I dunno, I run into plenty of people who think it's anything but real. But then, I live in flyover Pennsylvania, where animals are commodities, land is for farming on the cheap, streams are for dispersing the resulting byproducts, and Hispanics are despised, unless they're picking apple trees.

      • Radiotherapy®

        As James Carville said: "It's Pittsburgh and Philadelpia with Alabama in between."

    • MichelesPantalones

      Full lemming, of course.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Move your polling to the middle of Teabagistan, and see if you notice a difference.

  • Urban_Achiever

    “Amp up the crazy!”

    I read this as "AMEN up the crazy"–same diff?

    • Angry_Marmot

      This one goes to eleven.

  • cuzcorrelation

    Mittens either failed high school physics or got an A in high school pandering. Either way, he's a complete douche who will never be president.

    • finallyhappy

      Who says he took physics? But the douche part is correct.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Who says it has anything to do with what he knows about physics? It has everything to do with what he knows about GOP politics.

  • flamingpdog

    Republican dogma ran over his karma.

    • That's why it is best to keep your dogma safely tied to the roof of your car.

      • genxr

        In an ironic twist, this time he tied his karma to the back of his dogma.

  • genxr

    It just occurred to me that if all this climatology and ecology is just a big shakedown by flashy con men who are only in it for the grant money, we could save a ton of cash if we just rip out all the pollution controls, and we could get a huge energy burst if we just burn everything we can as fast as we can right now. Then we'll fill the atmosphere with CO2 and laugh laugh laugh at the stoopid hippies, oh how we'll sit back and laugh.

    • If all the climate scientists will distort the data and its meaning for some grant money, imagine what a politician might say to get some campaign donations.

      So I propose this experiment: replace campaign contributions with public grants (amend Const. if nec.). That's the experiment. I don't really care what happens next.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Well, right up to the point where we choke on the pollution and kack, but basically, yeah.

  • fuflans

    everybody knows nerds win in the end.

    duh.

    • MichelesPantalones

      We do?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Sure … when the planet ends up with the climate of Venus, proving us right, we win!

  • flamingpdog

    “It’s important for us to reduce our emissions of pollutants and greenhouse gases that may be significant contributors,” Romney said at another New Hampshire stop in early June.

    The only significant contributors Mittens is concerned with these days are Big Coal, Big Oil, and the nuclear power industry.

    • Crank_Tango

      Don't forget those magical companies that form just to give him millions of dollars, then disappear into thin air.

  • You ever notice how, when you stick a straw in a glass of water, it bends? And then, you pull it out… and it's straight? Weird, right? Positively… miraculous!

    • genxr

      It's a hoax! You're just saying that for the grant money!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Refractive index LIBEL!!!!

      • elfgoldsackring

        Magnets.

        • finallyhappy

          Try to explain that to the general public(how light and water work)- but mostly, I just don't try.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      God makes it look bent, to test your faith.

  • widget2011

    Simply Amazing.

  • e_z

    Ni * Sin(Ai) = Nr * Sin(Ar)

    Day-m Dutch, had to figure out the 'why' of that bendy stick. Wouldn't it have been easier to have just said it's magic?

    oh, the refractive index of water at room temperature is 1.33157, happy calculating!

  • SaintRond

    That prick.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Pricks are people too, my friend!

  • Why is Bulworth on the cover of the National Review?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Isn't Romney pulling a Reverse Bulworth, which basically means, being a run of the mill "person in Washington"*?

      *Hate this passive voice nonsense, 'people in Washington', to explain our nation's problems. Last seen during the debt crisis, it was "balanced" reporting of a legitimate issue, but without the acknowledgment of who was motivating the problem's growth. Since to speak truth — Boehner is the leader of an anti-American sleeper-cell — would hurt people's feelings & be "liberal".

  • I see that the wind changed direction again.

  • crybabyboehner

    Really, what have scientists ever done for us?

    • Since they're looking for answers Mittens doesn't want to pay for let's stop:
      1. Bridge inspections
      2. Mammograms
      3. Physicals

      But let's keep colonoscopies cause Mittens and the rest of the Rebuglicans save Huntsman want to shove it right up science's ass.

  • LiveToServeYa

    My God, he's full of stars. Or something.

  • "What I'm not willing to do is spend trillions of dollars on something I don't know the answer to"

    So Mittens, you hypocritical douche, does that mean you support pulling the plug on all cancer research? Science research by its very definition seeks the answer to a question with an unknown answer. Romney is so very full of shit.

    • MichelesPantalones

      That's what happens when you believe that somebody up there cares about you enough to give you a planet of your very own, after you ruin the first one he gave you.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    “What I’m not willing to do is spend trillions of dollars on something I don’t know the answer to”

    Is al Qaeda in Iraq?
    Is Saddam trying to purchase yellowcake from Niger?
    Does Saddam have WMDs?

    If only Romney was president in 2002, we'd only have 2 (or thereabouts) fronts we're fighting!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “What I’m not willing to do is spend trillions of dollars on something I don’t know the answer to.”

    Except when the question is: "Can I be the President?"

  • Dumbedup

    'Im not gonna' spend trillions of dollars on something I don't know the answer to." And in a couple years when we are dying off on this planet, the explanation will be GODS WILL. Jesus.

  • "Who let the dumbs out? Who, who!"

  • ttommyunger

    Great pix on that cover. Mittens, you should look so manly. BTW, pander all you like, you're just not crazy enough to win over the Baggers. They are bored by pandering, they get that all the time; they are looking for the genuine, Bachmann, Perry, Palin CRAZY, and you just ain't got it.

    • MichelesPantalones

      You're right, he doesn't look anywhere near that alpha. Pandering tardturd that he is. That pic looks more like his Daddy, who at least had the courage of his convictions.

      • ttommyunger

        But then, he also had Eric.

  • “What I’m not willing to do is spend trillions of dollars on something I don’t know the answer to,” Romney said.

    Funny! This reminds me of when Dubya said pretty much the same thing about Iraq and WMDs. Well actually Dubya said the opposite: "Let's spend trillions on something I don't know the answer to," he said, a preposition ending with.

    Or when Dubya said the same thing about tax cuts creating jobs. Again, he actually said the opposite: "Let's spend trillions and see if we can ruin our credit rating too".

    But, of course, Romney is channelling Dubya's famous "There’s a lot of differing opinions and before we react I think it’s best to have the full accounting, full understanding of what’s taking place." That was ten years ago. Surely Dubya saw to it we now have that full accounting and full understanding. The consequences of being wrong are so enormous.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "“What I’m not willing to do is spend trillions of dollars on something I don’t know the answer to.”

    This guy could reduce Federal spending to zero! The teabaggers are going to go crazy for him now.

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