REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS  8:28 pm August 25, 2011

Gay Old Republican Lawmaker Caught With Male Hooker Is ‘Not Gay’

by Ken Layne

GOP Rep. Phil Hinkle? Nope, not gay at all.Formerly closeted gay Republican lawmaker Phil Hinkle was caught in a hotel with a male gay prostitute earlier this month, which was all obviously some kind of terrible mistake, the way yet another GOP representative (Indiana legislature, this time) has been caught with a rent boy. But now the Republican married straight lawmaker has at least admitted he paid the comely young man $80 for a “good time” but definitely didn’t do any gay things.

As often happens with these deluded old queens who think they can continue to be in power even after they’re caught soliciting homosexual sex with strangers, Hinkle refuses to resign even though the GOP is trying its lame best to get him out of the way before everybody notices that almost every Republican male politician is a “secret” homosexual.

The Indy Star reports:

State Rep. Phil Hinkle admitted Tuesday that he paid a young man $80 to have a good time. But Hinkle insisted he isn’t gay and doesn’t know why he did it.

Uhh, we know why! Because he is a gay man. And he does it all the time, and everybody in the Republican leadership and his family (including the usual pinch-faced GOP wife) has known for years if not decades that Phil Hinkle is a closeted homosexual who compensates for his self hatred by being a sociopathic Republican politician. What else, Indy Star?

Usually he’s in control of his actions, he said, but something changed …. Hinkle also said Tuesday he’s not a homosexual. “I say that emphatically,” he said. “I’m not gay.”

Hinkle acknowledged he picked up Kameryn Gibson and drove him to the hotel, giving him $80 in the car. But when they arrived, Hinkle said, they simply made small talk about baseball and the view from the hotel — nothing further.

“I went to the edge,” Hinkle said, “but I didn’t fall over the edge.”

This is apparently what life is like for the nation’s thousands of elected Republican self-hating gay men: a constant, pathetic battle to keep from going “over the edge” by having sex with a male hooker. And because nearly all Republican men engage in paid sex acts with male prostitutes on a regular basis, they all think this is a normal American struggle, to keep themselves from doing this too often. Because it’s wrong to be homosexual, according to the Republican Party … wrong, but oh so right! [Indy Star via Wonkette super-operative "Matt N."]

 
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{ 208 comments }

EvanKessler August 25, 2011 at 8:31 pm

He's not gay, but he's totally bi.

McGreek August 25, 2011 at 8:31 pm

"But when they arrived, Hinkle said, they simply made small talk about baseball and the view from the hotel — nothing further."

Ladies and gentlemen. the least convincing story of the century!

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 8:53 pm

pitchers, catchers, dugouts, grass on the field, foul balls, you know, small talk.

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 8:55 pm

He had the base of the man's balls on the tip of his tongue, is what he's trying to say.

Doktor Zoom August 25, 2011 at 8:59 pm

I'd call it an unforced error–the young catcher refused to chase Hinkle's foul tip.

not that Dewey August 25, 2011 at 11:43 pm

He would balk at that suggestion.

snarkycomments August 25, 2011 at 9:24 pm

When I was a young intern my congressman mostly talked about how I should grasp his bat.

SayItWithWookies August 25, 2011 at 11:33 pm

"You can see all the way around the world from here. Alright, I'm gonna pitch you something low and inside."

LesBontemps August 25, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Jay-zeus, you just can't do satire and parody anymore:

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock? http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 26, 2011 at 12:25 am

"I love the view I have of your bat!"

zhubajie August 26, 2011 at 1:11 am

Bats and balls!

iburl August 26, 2011 at 1:51 am

small talk about baseball:

GOPStraightMan: Oh, yeah! The balls!
EvilDemocratGayMan: Glugk! Glugk! Glugk!

Kakkeltje August 26, 2011 at 2:04 am

eh..not sure, 'we attack Iraq because they have WMD's' was also in this century right?

OohLaLayla August 26, 2011 at 11:43 am

Hilarious.

SarahsBush August 26, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Makes Clinton's "I held it to my lips but didn't inhale" story seem like a stroke of genius, doesn't it?

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:17 pm

You just have to wonder why our lawmakers are SO FUCKING STUPID in the pathetic lying excuse department.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 27, 2011 at 12:16 pm

To be fair, you'd have to pay most guys at least $80 to talk about the Cubs for any length of time.

Barb August 25, 2011 at 8:33 pm

This guy is gayer than Elton John's fanny pack, obviously.

Fare la Volpe August 25, 2011 at 8:44 pm

I object, madame! No self-respecting queen would be caught dead with a fanny pack.

Barb August 25, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Objection taken. I'll arm wrestle you for the "I love penis" blingee.

Fare la Volpe August 25, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Just lemme fix my weave and it is on!

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Don't forget to remove your rings and apply the vasoline!

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:18 pm

You need to be at the pride parades. Yes all the dykes wear them. But a surprising number of gay boys seem to be making a Fanny Pack Fashion Statement these days. Also Bears. Bears do fanny packs.

tcaalaw August 26, 2011 at 2:10 am

"Fanny" means something different in UK-land than it does here and I don't think Elton John would be interested in it.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Since "fanny" also means "arse," I suspect he would, actually.

Come here a minute August 25, 2011 at 8:33 pm

I am not going to look up "small talk about baseball" in the urban dictionary — I don't want to know!

arihaya August 25, 2011 at 9:20 pm

"ball" .. giggle .."ball"

anniegetyerfun August 25, 2011 at 9:47 pm

There's santorum involved, if you are a little bit curious.

horsedreamer_1 August 26, 2011 at 10:00 am

This has Dan Savage written all over it. He's looking to add a new slang to reflect the GOP's continued — even, intensified — anti-LGBTQ agenda, & doing to the name "Rick" what was already done to "Santorum" just seems lazy. (Though "Rick santorum" as the world's lewdest sentence does have its appeal.) So, unless Savage is a pathetic Cubs fan — he's from Chicago, no? — I don't see what "small talk about baseball" can't be the new slang.

Maman August 26, 2011 at 10:16 am

RBIs?

bagofmice August 25, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Talk about turnover…

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Of course he's not gay; he probably thought the "good time" he hired the young man for was to suck his dick, and it's only gay if you're the sucker, not the suckee.

Fare la Volpe August 25, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Anyone else try that argument on their old college roomie?

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:22 pm

It's a pretty common argument in Asia. Lots of guys who are married but keep the boyfriend in an apartment in the same building and strenuously deny being gay (pointing to wives and children, and femme-y bf as proof that they are MANLY men).

Jukesgrrl September 3, 2011 at 12:59 am

I don't think they can afford "boyfriend in the apartment" but I know more than one Puerto Rican male who maintains the same attitude.

Pristine_ODummy September 3, 2011 at 1:06 am

Fascinating.

Limeylizzie August 25, 2011 at 8:50 pm

I'm gay?

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Well, by that same "logic" used by closeted homophobes, you'd be gay if you went down on another woman but not if she went down on you; but then they tend to ignore the existence of lesbians and focus all their projection and self-loathing-induced hate on gay men.

horsedreamer_1 August 26, 2011 at 10:01 am

Lesbian unicorns?

Sign me up.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Well, yes, because two "girls" getting it on is HOTHOTHOT straight-guy porn, but two men getting it on is, I dunno, disgusting, sleazy antiXtian? Of course they hate REAL lesbians as much as they hate ho-moz. Number three on their list after ho-moz and wimminz.

mog253 August 26, 2011 at 11:21 am

I guess that makes two of us!

mayor_quimby August 25, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Wait, what if the sucker is a chick, have I turned several(hundred) girls gay?

mog253 August 26, 2011 at 11:22 am

According to Tony Soprano – it's not gay if you're in jail and always teh pitcher. I took notes.

arihaya August 25, 2011 at 8:36 pm

oh lookie, another hypocrite closeted gay Republican got caught.

it must be another Thursday

Fare la Volpe August 25, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Like santorums through the hourglass, so are the Gays of our Lives.

weejee August 25, 2011 at 8:45 pm

With all these guys, Marcus clearly will be too busy with all these fallen angels elephants to be Michele's First Fellatio Fellah.

Nothingisamiss August 25, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Very, very good. Oh, yes.

hollywooddood August 26, 2011 at 12:20 am

No ifs, ands or butts.

horsedreamer_1 August 26, 2011 at 10:02 am

My ninth grade English teacher would advise the plural should be santora.

& she would, too, given the thesaurii fiasco, & the fact she didn't get me suspended for writing a menage a trois ending to "The Lady or the Tiger?".

mog253 August 26, 2011 at 11:22 am

Hmm, my Latin teacher would have gone the Santori.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 27, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Only if the singular was Santorus.

(Trust me … we have a whole circle of Hell dedicated to this stuff.)

Nostrildamus August 26, 2011 at 7:21 pm

The explosive plural is Santorini !

tihond August 27, 2011 at 10:31 am

Was it with the tiger and the lady?

BlueStateLibel August 25, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I've heard this sort of lame-ass story from straights too. "I don't know what I was doing in his/her hotel room. Nothing happened, stop making a big deal about this." It's as utterly unconvincing as this old geezer.

weejee August 25, 2011 at 8:46 pm

The sexytime equivalent of not inhaling?

Fukui_sanYesOta August 25, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Oh, I actually know the back-story to that. Billy didn't inhale – he was a bit too American for that. Rather he was an aficionado of heavily-laced hash or weed brownies, which he'd devour by the pan. So he didn't lie, but he was a hardcore pothead.

fuflans August 26, 2011 at 12:53 am

speaking as a straight, i can say this never happens to me. never.

when i am in a hotel room, i am there with a purpose.

ShaveTheWhales August 26, 2011 at 1:24 am

"This is not my beautiful rent-boy".

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down …

Dumbedup August 26, 2011 at 10:29 am

But doesn't the stink of utter hypocrisy somehow make it worse? Those politicians don't spend all their time whipping up hatred against heterosexuals, then deny they are hetero. These guys are just pure creeps.

LettucePrey August 25, 2011 at 8:38 pm

“I went to the edge,” Hinkle said, “but I didn’t fall over the edge.”

He bent over it, apparently.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 25, 2011 at 8:47 pm

He's getting slammed by this allegation. Positively reamed by these slurs on his good name.

However, he won't let the liberal media jam it down his throat; no, he'll spit up the manbutter of rumor and instead gargle the lube of freedom.

That's just how he rolls.

TX_Bluebonnets August 25, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Ewww. Just Ewww.

Must mix drink. Wash out foul taste from mouth, evoked by vivid icky imagery.

Wasn't the Blingee enough, dammit?

Doktor Zoom August 25, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Well, you could try this classic (as in, I heard of it three months ago) drink–The "cement mixer":

It’s one shot of Bailey’s, followed by a shot of lime juice. While both are in your mouth, you shake your head like a cement mixer (hence the name, get it?). And this is when some chemistry takes over and the lime juice curdles in your mouth turning it into a coagulate mess of goo. It’s also known as the “cum” shot… for obvious reasons.

Swampgas_Man August 26, 2011 at 2:37 pm

And this is why I only drink Yuengling Black & Tan.

mayor_quimby August 25, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Are those balls over his right shoulder?

the_problem_child August 25, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Like a continental soldier? Sure.

ph7 August 26, 2011 at 9:59 am

He's been to the edge, an' there he stood an' looked down
You know he lost a lot of friends there baby, he got no time to mess around

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:27 pm

UpFISTIES!!!

I took my watch off first, hon.

Mumbletypeg August 25, 2011 at 8:41 pm

You can't get much more into "terrible mistake" territory than sharing your freakin' cell phone and iPad with what brung ya.

zhubajie August 26, 2011 at 1:13 am

Trying to pay a hooker with your Blackberry and iPad is dumber than Jerry Springer's bad check!

Swampgas_Man August 26, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Remember, the young man tried to run off, and Hinkle grabbed him by the dick, THEN gave him his cell. But there's nuthin' gay goin' on here!

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Grabbing a studly young dude by the dick is about as gay as it gets, man.

weejee August 25, 2011 at 8:42 pm

The santorum is strong in this fellow. At least he's liberal with the lube.

BaldarTFlagass August 25, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Seriously, "Kameryn?" I hope that's not what is on his birth certificate.

emmelemm August 25, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Yeah, right? I was like, wait, are we sure it's a dude?

mayor_quimby August 25, 2011 at 9:28 pm

You, sir, have boot seen enough hood birth names.
There is an NFL player named D'brickashaw Ferguson.

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Bingo. I suspected from the outset that this kid was black.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:31 pm

He's adopted. Apparently his adoptive parents didn't have the sense to change his birth name. He really ought to sue them. Or someone.

__kth__ August 26, 2011 at 5:23 pm

I'm thinking if he's turning tricks with skeevy elderly right-wing closet cases, just maybe his Christian name is the least of his problems.

__kth__ August 25, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Hell, yes, some of the locals wanted my hapless Texans to take Ferguson in the 2006 draft, to keep David Carr from getting killed (they took DE Mario Williams, and Carr is now a 3rd-string QB for some other team due to being sacked 1000 times).

The wikipedia says that D'Brickashaw is a misrendering of "de Bricassart", the name of Richard Chamberlain's character in The Thorn Birds mini-series. (For real!) Which I guess brings the discussion full circle.

BaldarTFlagass August 26, 2011 at 9:29 am

I figured by now there would be some kid playing at UT with the moniker "Fahrvergnügen." It's been about 20 years since that ad campaign, I can just imagine some pregnant urban girls seeing one of those ads and thinking "Fahrvergnügen! What a pretty name!!"

horsedreamer_1 August 26, 2011 at 10:04 am

I am shocked I've never seen a stripper named "Crystal Pepsi", real name, full stop.

mog253 August 26, 2011 at 11:25 am

But I thought that was a girl's name! Fahrvergnugen Crystal McCoy.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:33 pm

A friend of mine named her kid Jovan. I pointed out that it was the name of some cheap cologne, but she told me I didn't understand how beautiful it sounded. I think her second kid was named Camry, or something like that.

mayor_quimby August 26, 2011 at 9:42 pm

My godson only narrowly escaped such a fate. He is lucky to not have initials that spell out TDI

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Why else do you think the kid's looking for a "sugga daddy" on Craigslist?

gullywompr August 25, 2011 at 8:43 pm

This has got to be one of the dumbest old geezers on the planet – I only would have charged him $20.

Fare la Volpe August 25, 2011 at 8:54 pm

When they're this stupid you can charge them anything. I would have asked for the keys to his Jag.

AJWjr. August 25, 2011 at 9:30 pm

What, senior discount?

gullywompr August 25, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Sheesh! OK then, $15.

henrypuppyhead August 25, 2011 at 8:44 pm

All easily explained away people. He obviously tripped and fell into a gay hooker . . . in a leather bar.

the_problem_child August 25, 2011 at 10:54 pm

by email.

dyedwool August 25, 2011 at 11:59 pm

And then snorted coke off his ass. Via Twitter.

Callyson August 25, 2011 at 8:44 pm

they simply made small talk about baseball
Yes, well, I wouldn't be surprised if Hinkle's bat is on the small size…

NorthStarSpanx August 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm

But we are all certain that little Vienna sausage had a raging chubby the whole time he didn't "fall over the edge."

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I think Hinckle's might be more accurately described as a "moderate plumpy" rather than a "raging chubby."

Neoyorquino August 25, 2011 at 8:45 pm

“I went to the edge,” Hinkle said, “but I didn’t fall over the edge.” Ahh, orgasm denial. Whatever works for you,man.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 27, 2011 at 12:23 pm

He means the buttseks was so vigorous it almost (but not quite) drove him right off the bed.

That's how I choose to read it, at least.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 25, 2011 at 8:45 pm

"We simply talked about switch hitting and catchers. Nothing gay."

Fare la Volpe August 25, 2011 at 8:53 pm

"I pitched him a screw' and he ran all over my bases."

Fukui_sanYesOta August 25, 2011 at 9:07 pm

"A fast ball followed by a slider? That sounds heavenly"

dizzeeboy August 25, 2011 at 10:25 pm

"… and spoke of taking foul balls on the chin."

BaldarTFlagass August 25, 2011 at 8:45 pm

I know a few gay dudes, and their knowledge of baseball is limited to which players they would like to get it on with. So, Mr Hinkle, who's your designated hitter?

weejee August 25, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Here in C'Addle's Swish Alps, Mrs. weejee and I just can't remember "Take me out to the Ballgame" being one of the tunes at the somewhat festive neighborhood singalongs. Just sayin'.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Does *every* American city have a Swish Alps?

MiniMencken August 25, 2011 at 8:46 pm

A old, balding white-haired guy can have sexytime with an 18 year-old for $80.oo in Gayistan? In a nice hotel rooom and not under a railroad bridge? Damn, now that outcall that wouldn't do me for less than $2,000.oo totally chaps my pussyholic ass.

zhubajie August 26, 2011 at 1:15 am

Lots of things are cheaper in Indiana!

a_pink_poodle August 25, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Clearly inviting a male prostitute to your hotel room with the intent of have gay sex is not gay in the slightest! You see there you liberals go again, with your revisionist language and your taking things way out of context!

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 8:46 pm

What is a good time to this fucker for $80? What, was he expecting to bake cookies and watch primetime television and have pillow-tickle fights with the dude?

henrypuppyhead August 25, 2011 at 8:51 pm

He just wanted to snorkel.

simplyblue7 August 25, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Oooh honey, I'm at the bottom of that canyon!

Radiotherapy® August 25, 2011 at 8:49 pm

This is good news for Marcus Bachmann.

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 8:49 pm

I been to the edge, and there I stood and looked down,
You know I lost a lotta friends there baby,
I got no time to mess around
Mmmm, so if you want it got to bleed for it baby
Yeah, got to got to bleed baby
Mmmm, you got to got to bleed baby
Hey, got to got to bleed baby
Aint talkin bout love!

__kth__ August 26, 2011 at 12:04 am

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge
I'm tryin' not to lose my head
Like a jungle sometimes.

Gleem_McShineys August 26, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge
I'm tryin' not to lose my head
Like a jungle sometimes.
I like a bunghole sometimes.

user-of-owls August 25, 2011 at 8:49 pm

The rent-boy said he reduced his normal $200 rate (for a 'Scat' job) to $80 because, "I've always wanted to know what it was like to Dump A Hinkle."

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 8:52 pm

“I went to the edge,” Hinkle said, “but I didn’t fall over the edge.”

Look, he was just testing himself to see if he was gay. He passed this test, but he won't really know for sure until he is being double teamed by two solidly built gay men and doesn't like it at all.

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 8:53 pm

“I went to the edge,” Hinkle said, “but I didn’t fall over the edge.”

Wait, is this one of those "it's not gay if they don't touch?" rules, or something?

jakegittes August 25, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Nah. This is proof that you can pray away teh ghey. When he got to the edge, he prayed. He didn't fall over the edge. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 11:03 pm

If the kid refusing to be used and hiding in the bathroom Charlie Sheen hooker-style is "praying", yeah, I guess he "prayed" himself from falling over the edge.

jakegittes August 25, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Q.E. Fuckin' D.

Doktor Zoom August 25, 2011 at 8:54 pm

I think this is really unfair, and far too quick to label a person just because of one tragic mistake. How typical of the Liberal Media to make callous, broad-brush allegations about a person just because he fell into temptation a single time, suggesting that a single example of aberrant behavior is evidence of a perverse lifestyle that is far removed from that person's normal proclivities.

Wonkette should apologize, or at least endeavor to state the matter more clearly in the future: There's no evidence that Kameryn Gibson is a full-time gay prostitute.

HE JUST WANTED A SUGGA DADDY! IS THAT SO WRONG??????

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Didn't he offer 80 bucks for a "really good time"? sounds to me like he was underpaying and overselling, at the same time.

bumfug August 25, 2011 at 8:56 pm

“I went to the edge,” Hinkle said, “but I didn’t fall over the edge.”
Sounds like a story a farmboy told me once about how you get a sheep to fuck you. Apparently, if you march them to the edge of a cliff, "them fuckers'll just keep backing up into ya".

GuanoFaucet August 25, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Your move, Marcus Bachmann.

Mumbletypeg August 25, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Hinkle just thought he'd found in Kameryn his own personal Jesus.

Reach out and touch me!

DerrickWildcat August 25, 2011 at 8:59 pm

I can have a good time for about $64.27

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Wait, what is Indianapolis' professional baseball team, again? Oh, you don't say. I meant basketball; yeah, basketball. How about them Pacers, amirite?

smashedinhat August 25, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Whatever else denial may or may not be, it is clearly living in Mr. Hinckle's pantalones.

MistaEko August 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm

A man who was looking for nothing but a good time and is living on the edge clearly is just yearning for the days of late 80s rock.

Nixon_So_Fine August 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Perez Layne Blingee.

Tundra Grifter August 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm

If I got caught with an $80 male hooker, I wouldn't be gay, either. Heck, I wouldn't even be mildly happy.

Buzz Feedback August 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm

"I'm not gay."

I broke my be-hymen riding a horse.

emmelemm August 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm

What do I love most about teh Wonkette: the BLINGEES!

Thank you, bringer of Blingee joy.

DerrickWildcat August 25, 2011 at 9:12 pm

PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE!
Let's get our priorities in order!
A Hurriquake is about to kill America.
Some fat GOP Limbaugh lookin' fuck with a dick in his ass story…again…should be boring by now.

fuflans August 26, 2011 at 12:56 am

but no, no. it's not.

owhatever August 25, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Time for another one to spend more time with his family. The families of GOP lawmakers are going to rise up in anger soon. "It's okay by us if they rent gay hookers. Just don't make the frackkin' loser come back home to us. We didn't do anything."

berkeleyfarm August 25, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Ted Haggard's "advisors" to declare him "completely heterosexual" in 3 … 2 … 1…

mavenmaven August 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm

We only talked baseball talk, you know, third base and the like….

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 9:15 pm

$80? Is it that hard to find someone to play Scrabble with these days?

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 9:18 pm

O/T, and I should have mentioned this yesterday; but know there's been several posts about him on Wonkette (in fact, here's one of them: http://wonkette.com/309977/rudy-g-has-new-special… ); but my city's loudest, most obnoxious and public racist, Joey Vento, just died Tuesday. He owned a shitty cheesesteak place that's literally one block from my apartment, and was always spouting off shit against Mexicans, even though this neighborhood is somewhere between 1/4 and 1/3 Latino. And he had a Confederate flag tattoo, in fucking Philadelphia.

Anyway, is it wrong to feel kind of happy that the dude is dead? Because that is how I feel.

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 9:22 pm

If it's wrong, I don't wanna be right.

LesBontemps August 25, 2011 at 9:24 pm

This is good news for Pat's!

(And everybody who loves cheesesteaks and/or humanity.)

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 9:48 pm

And he actually died of a heart attack, which is strangely appropriate for the food he peddled.

If anyone wants to know more, here's a well-written (slightly more charitable) more about the asshole from, of all people, the guy who hosts my weekly Quizzo game:
http://johnnygoodtimes.com/2011/08/a-few-thoughts

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 9:24 pm

nah, life goes on. he would want you to be happy.

also, Joey, the south called, and they think you're a n[redacted] too.

Doktor Zoom August 25, 2011 at 9:25 pm

I never knew the man, but I feel like I've hated him all my life.

donner_froh August 25, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Damn–I had never heard of the guy until I I read your comment and the Quizzo guy article but I am glad he is dead and only hope that he suffered horribly during his death agony.

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 11:05 pm

I'd be lying if I didn't say I felt some satisfaction when I heard of his death. Mostly, I was just pissed with how the media just loved him and overlooked his racism because it was old-timey Italian racism, which I guess isn't really a big deal.

I remember when the media went down there for the "Speak English" sign he had outside of his restaurant, and couldn't help but laugh listening to his own regional accent and poor grasp of the English language. I find racism perpetuated by "ethnic" white people particularly maddening given that they should know how it feels to be negatively stereotyped.

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Yeah, I have to hear this bullshit from some people close to me, people I really love.

Aside from it just being gross and evil, there is also something very fucking pathetic when you see it as, partly, as an attempt to suck up to and fit in with the dominant culture. The only thing to do is to make the point you just did about the fact that people used to say the same ignorant shit about them for no reason. In my experience, that makes them think.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I tried telling my mother that she would have been high on Hitler'sshit-list, FWIW. Didn't do the slightest bit of good.

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 11:37 pm

And that's one portion of the history of racism in America that usually gets ignored; for over a century, until the 60s or 70s really, Italians, Irish, German, Polish and other Eastern European immigrants were not considered white, but were among the scary dark people threatening American civilization by just being here. However, as soon as the old-time WASP white people became a numerical minority, they expanded the definition of whiteness to include what had been the mics and wops and other non-WASP Europeans and their descendants.

zhubajie August 26, 2011 at 1:20 am

Probably the same with happen with the paler Hispanics, too.

horsedreamer_1 August 26, 2011 at 10:06 am

Marco Rubio isn't all that pale.

Swampgas_Man August 26, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Makes you wanna team w/ Spike Lee and throw a trash can through his window.

Rotundo_ August 25, 2011 at 9:23 pm

It is fun watching them squirm when they get caught with their dicks in rentboys, but there is a certain sameness to it all. It must be the closeted self loathing politically running against your own sexuality that brings a common theme of thoroughly implausible denial mixed with really poorly phrased explanations. Do these fellows ever just work through this and admit that they're gay and become ok with it? Or do they just sort of continue on with the faux marriage, and whack off to gay porn every night in their separate bedroom? One would hope they'd see a shrink, or even have it mandated as a condition of their sentencing for soliciting.

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Also, from a purely PR aspect of this, if he wasn't going to really admit anything, wouldn't the best thing to have said been a simple "no comment"? It's kind of how I felt about the whole Anthony Wiener fiasco. He should have came out and said everything, or said nothing at all.

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 11:11 pm

He should at least change his stance on gay marriage to "wide".

Ken Layne August 26, 2011 at 11:24 am

There are a few, like California congressman David Dreier and pretty much every GOP congressional chief of staff, who don't bother with the beard wife and the constant denials. Mark Foley seemed to come about as close as a Republican can to admitting he was always gay, and he also didn't have a beard wife. But the Larry Craig version — constant ridiculous denial, refusal to retire, and eventual fading into quiet career as a closeted gay right wing lobbyist — seems to be the "norm."

MrFizzy August 25, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Edge = rim.

donner_froh August 25, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Question: Representative Hinkle, if you aren't gay then why did you pay a young male who advertised he was looking for a sugadaddy to come to your hotel room?

Answer: Another Gotcha question!

JackObin August 25, 2011 at 9:58 pm

He'll just say he was experimenting with cock, and jesus stopped him at the last minute. He will, as a result, be easily re-elected.

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Can't wait for someone to make the illustrated version, something similar to this.

widget2011 August 27, 2011 at 10:18 am

That's beautiful!

JoshuaNorton August 25, 2011 at 9:58 pm

before everybody notices that almost every Republican male politician is a “secret” homosexual.

That's about as "secret" as a cat video on YouTube.

subsum August 25, 2011 at 10:07 pm

This is why I still love this country: I look forward to the outing of the next self-loathing gay Republican like a horny broad at the docks waiting for the fleet to arrive. Bring it on, bitches!

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 11:09 pm

The problem is that the pace is so slow that others ones simply replace them. We aren't learning from these, either, so it's turned into a kind of silly game with no real social consequences.

smitallica August 25, 2011 at 10:37 pm

"I am NOT gay, people! The dude I paid to suck my cock, HE'S the gay one! How fucking hard is that to understand??"

chascates August 25, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Instead of the 'Log Cabin Republicans' it should be the 'Long Closeted Republicans'.

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm

How about 'Manhole Republicans?'

TrotskysAxe August 25, 2011 at 11:11 pm

There is no joy in Mudville
Mighty Hinkle has struck out.

Nixon_So_Fine August 26, 2011 at 12:01 am

:]]]]]]]]]]] So Fine.

horsedreamer_1 August 26, 2011 at 10:06 am

Mudville's what he calls his butt.

Indiepalin August 25, 2011 at 11:25 pm

"We are not groupies!" – Suzy Creamcheese, Laurel Canyon

valgal2342 August 25, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Hinkle sure has a purty mouth.

phlox✔ August 26, 2011 at 12:02 am

He's an idiot for not hiring a professional escort. Craigslist is bullshit for this type of 'service'.
Sure, you have to shell-out a couple of hundred more (than $80) but escorts can keep their yaps shut and won't steal your shit.
Mostly.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 26, 2011 at 12:30 am

If paying a guy $80 to suck your cock made you gay, my house would be much more tastefully decorated.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Er … is this a confession?

GregComlish August 26, 2011 at 12:48 am

Every time a Republican is caught paying a young man for sexual services the media immediately suggest that the politician is a closeted gay man. Typical anti-Republican bias. But anybody who pays close attention to the news knows that these misunderstandings are incredibly common. They happen all the time to the Republicans and there's never anything gay about it.

fuflans August 26, 2011 at 12:58 am

i must confess i was more interested in this IN headline:

Boy, 9, lands Indiana record fish

zhubajie August 26, 2011 at 1:09 am

Why don't they just quote Gore Vidal, that homosexuality is something they do, not something they are? Of course, GV is a Dem. and a lot smarter than most Rep.s put together.

WilliamHTaft August 26, 2011 at 1:47 am

Pathetic. METH OR GTFO!

poncho_pilot August 26, 2011 at 3:16 am

i think there's a song appropriate for this situation:

"I been to the edge
And there I stood and looked down
You know I lost a lot of friends there baby
I got no time to mess around

Mmm, so if you want it, got to plead for it baby
Yeah! Got to, got to plead, baby
Mmm, you got to, got to plead, baby
Hey! Got to, got to plead baby

Ain't talkin' 'bout love
My love is rotten to the core
Ain't talkin' 'bout love
Just like I told you before! Before! Before!"

elfgoldsackring August 26, 2011 at 3:22 am

"Anybody who knows my wife," Hinkle told The Star's political columnist, Matthew Tully, "knows she would not pay $10 to keep a mistake I made quiet, let alone $10,000."

That, at least, has the ring of truth.

HelmutNewton August 26, 2011 at 5:38 am

Seriously, the pathology of these old Gay Old Party closet cases is bizarre. In their minds they can engage in every conceivable sexual situation/position imaginable with another man/men. But as long as they stay married to their long-suffering wives, they're not "gay".

widget2011 August 26, 2011 at 6:09 am

Proving, once again, behind every authoritarian asshole lurks a feminine side. Also, as one of our commenters had so succintly put it: "Peen and Butt AAARRGGHHH."

Madcabbie August 26, 2011 at 7:41 am

"I am NOT gay ladies and gentlemen! Ask my wife!"

"But sir, what's that cum on your chin?"

"Oh Lord, I thought I swallowed every drop!"

Poindexter718 August 26, 2011 at 8:48 am

Straight men don't watch The View, let alone hire rentboys to discuss it.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 26, 2011 at 8:57 am

Taking one for the people.
What a hero.

crybabyboehner August 26, 2011 at 9:20 am

“I went to the edge, but I didn’t fall over the edge.”

Does that mean they did not discuss the pros and cons of the Designated Hitter?

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Switch hitter.

hagajim August 26, 2011 at 11:00 am

Livin' on the Edge! You can have yourself some ballllls….livin' on the edge, you delude yourself and allllll….yeah yeah yeah ….

Buckminster August 26, 2011 at 11:16 am

I am so laughing like a LOL cat right now

ttommyunger August 26, 2011 at 11:19 am

Hinkle? Really? This shit just writes itself, doesn't it?

jus_wonderin August 26, 2011 at 11:27 am

I am pretty sure I would have avoided the word/term "edge" in this situation.

L188188 August 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

As long as he was "emphatic" in his denial, I believe him.

StarsUponThars August 26, 2011 at 11:54 am

I went to the edge is the new wide stance.

miss_chartreuse August 26, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Does Hinkle have a wide stance?

Swampgas_Man August 26, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Look, if this guy's offering $80, a cell and an iPad for "going right up to the edge" — well, I'm right here, that's all I'm saying.

Nostrildamus August 26, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Phil, speak directly into the penis and say "I am not gay".

widget2011 August 27, 2011 at 10:24 am

LOL-A

Troubledog August 27, 2011 at 6:24 pm

When they got to the hotel, Hinkel wanted to bareback, which costs $150, but refused to pay the diff, and that's when the fight started…

horsedreamer_1 August 26, 2011 at 9:57 am

Eazy Libel!

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 6:25 pm

In the kid's defense, he's real young and he claims this is the first time he's ever been up to such shenanigans. It must be tough to be, like, the sole black gay kid in bumfuck, Idaho, or wherever he is. And with a name like Kameryn, to boot.

mayor_quimby August 26, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Ewwww, I had to, just haaddd to google it. When will I learn.

Jukesgrrl September 3, 2011 at 1:07 am

I know a middle-school teacher who maintains that for more than a decade, at least half the kids in his classes have been named after consumer products. He says the first he encountered was called Tylanol.

Pristine_ODummy September 3, 2011 at 1:19 am

Hahaha, you're gonna hate me but I'll say it anyway. I'll bet that kid was a real headache.

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