women's section

Huffington Post Girl Reporter: Michele Bachmann Is A-OK, Except For Ugly Shoes

Important AOL spam site “The Huffington Post” has a Fashion Reporter! She likes to report on girly things like fashion. But sometimes when you let ladies post things on the Internet without a professional man checking them first, the Fashion Reporter might tackle a political subject, like this:

On camera, Michele Bachmann embodies the sort of power polish that America expects from its top-tier politicians. For women, there’s an especially high bar — with a sweet spot somewhere between Sarah Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion and Hillary Clinton’s bold, corporate uniforms.

During the past few months, Bachmann’s handlers have zeroed in on a look that seems to appeal to a wide swath of Republican voters. The Iowa Straw Poll winner’s appearance is carefully crafted with soft color palettes, a great blow-out, and enough flawless makeup to ensure she’s camera-ready at all times. Or so it seems. According to a recent New Yorker profile, one of the rules for news photographers who travel with Bachmann is that they never photograph her in casual clothing.

But all these calculations leave one big unanswered question: How is it that a public figure receiving this much strategic advice still wears such unflattering shoes?

This is so fucking shallow and insipid and awful that America’s women are probably going to lose the vote altogether, out of shame. Well done, Fashion Reporter. [Huffington Post via everybody]

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98 comments

    1. Crank_Tango

      I got into an argument with someone about that accent and was told bla bla bla something about hungary or whatever and I was all I don't give a shit, she sounds like she should be on green acres.

  1. Fukui_sanYesOta

    "Sarah Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion"

    Eh? Further proof that I understand nothing about fashion. Perhaps it's more of the case that you can put Satan's shrieking harpy in fine clothes, but she's still a tool of Mephistopheles.

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        They're certainly not sexy.

        I do have a bit of a paraphilia about this sort of thing and can honestly say that SP has never done anything for me.

      2. user-of-owls

        I just assumed "upmarket" was a different way of saying she was "for sale" up the market, like that gas station two blocks down. Was I wrong then?

    1. berkeleyfarm

      Mostly it proves that the HuffPo "reporter" is just blowing smoke and doesn't know fashion, either. Palin hasn't been "up-market" since she stopped being professionally dressed and styled at great expense. Usually she is quite the opposite. It's not particularly "foxy" IMO either. I know she thinks she is, and she's trying to compete with her daughters ('mirror, mirror, on the wall') but lately she's been looking like the dog's breakfast more often than not.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    You know what's also horribly unflattering on Michele Bachmann? Theofascism and economic illiteracy.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Yes, but they're apparently what every fashionable conservative MUST be wearing this season.

        1. Fukui_sanYesOta

          With a soucon of actual pig-ignorance and stultifying idiocy thrown in as a kind of mirepoix of pseudoelectability.

  3. Callyson

    Those shoes would look a lot better if they were worn by someone who was kicking the asses of every Tea Party/Republican/Job Killer/Obstructionist…

  4. hagajim

    "the sweet spot somewhere between Sarah Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion and Hillary Clinton’s bold, corporate uniforms"

    Isn't that the taint?

  5. edgydrifter

    Granny-panties + Bumpits = up-market foxy?
    Only if you jerk it to Rue McClanahan while drunk on Bacardi & Ensure smoothies.

      1. edgydrifter

        Smarter, too, I'd wager. I don't remember her ever blathering about Paul Revere or the strategic oil reserve. And if she ever said "drill, baby, drill" it was because Marc Sotkin put it in the script.

        1. Limeylizzie

          She was lovely, we used to get our hair and make-up done at the same time and they used those crazy things that go under a wig and sort of give you a temporary lift and she did not care who saw her when they were tightening them. I adored her, she also brought Sunday Brunch in for the whole cast, just a lovely, kind person.

      2. 102415

        She flirted with my spousal unit once and he never ever stopped smiling when he told me about it. She was an inspiration to many of us.

    1. user-of-owls

      Better still! She has a fully detachable cunt! She can just take it off every night and put it in its little cunt couch until the next morning.

  6. Texan_Bulldog

    Poor Michelle. Maggie Thatcher or Angela Merkel never had to put up with this crap. Oh, maybe that's because they were/are actually highly intelligent women who could talk foreign/domestic policy, economic issues and international affairs that journalists could actually report on as opposed to pretending they're relevant by talking about their shoes.

  7. iburl

    HuffPo was already turning into a steaming hunk of crap before AOL ate it. Now I feel actual shame if I go there.

    1. LettucePrey

      You're not alone. Lord knows I hate Shelley Bachmann as much as the next triple-digit-IQed person, but this female-on-female shit really gets my inner Gloria Steinem in a rage.

    1. finallyhappy

      Well, cmon, think about TV- plenty of well dressed obviously mental patients there- way better than Crazy eyes!

  8. Beowoof

    Marcus knows a great pant-suit or skirt when he sees one. He is the only fashion consultant she needs. On the other hand her mental health consultant should be a team of Harvard doctors.

      1. Crank_Tango

        how does that work? jam the tip of a caulking gun in behind her eye and fill her head with silicone? It's worth a try…

  9. OneYieldRegular

    They really, really need a Hells-Angels-tough bouncer staffing the door to Huffington Post. The people they let into that place…

  10. not that Dewey

    Huffington paint, is more like it.

    …carefully crafted with soft color palettes, a great blow-out, and enough flawless makeup to ensure she’s camera-ready at all times.

    Have they even seen Wonket's signature Michele Bachmann image? Something's blowing out, alright, but I wouldn't call it "camera-ready".

  11. Crank_Tango

    "On camera, Michele Bachmann embodies the sort of power polish that America expects from its top-tier politicians."
    That's where you lost me, toots.

  12. baconzgood

    "On camera, Michele Bachmann embodies the sort of power polish that America expects from its top-tier politicians"

    We're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here America…..Any one have a plane ticket to Toronto?

  13. LettucePrey

    I fucking HATE HuffPo with the intensity of 10,000 white hot suns. Every single one of their "articles" is either sexist drivel (my fave is this one–marriage ADVICE written by some woman-hating shrew who has been divorced four times); regurgitated/plagiarized from some other source; vapid celebrity nagging (ooh, Sheryl Crow says to use less toilet paper!); or, worst of all, totally and completely not true. Like, Fox News untrue. They rarely correct their errors or print retractions. In fact, the one time I posted a comment that their article had quoted a study's statistics wrong, not only did they not respond to me or correct the error, they put all of my future comments under moderator's review.

    So… yeah. Fuck them.

    1. Ancient_Hacker

      Yeah, theys seem to have a totally clueless headline writer, who has no idea what the word "Incredible" actually means. Also, stupid homeopathic remedies.

  14. Gleem_McShineys

    Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion

    Up your market, and your apostrophe-ess-hole, Hufftard Wet Seal Correspondent.

    That style was sooo much Palin's that she actually was supposed to return the clothes later.

    1. 102415

      I've seen pictures of Palin before the big money grifter days started with something like bedroom slippers on as governor.

  15. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I choose to support female candidates based upon who does the most Kegles in a day.

  16. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    With all of those handlers giving her advice, you would think that someone would do something about her crazy eyes.

  17. Barrelhse

    Thanks, Wonkette Jr., for reading the HuffPo so we don't have to.
    I haven't been there since I was banned, as I already was forming some doubts about that cesspool. Then it was sold several months later, after disinfecting the comment board, which sealed it for me. The place is a joke, and a dishonest one at that.

  18. 102415

    I noticed when she won the Iowa straw poll that the media was cutting off all the pictures at the feet. I found one with the black gladiators and the white suit as she was standing waving from the bus. Then that one was gone too. I figure the Elvis mistake was just too much and News corp. is winding her down. Perry has excellent shoes/boots and his head is up his ass just as far as any of them.

    1. berkeleyfarm

      Hearing that she wore black gladiators with a white suit is really only the cherry on the top of her abundant sundae of crazy.

  19. user-of-owls

    I would be highly entertained to see our callow young reporter give her nothing-held-back fashion review of Dilma Rouseff

    They I'd like to give La Presidenta 5 minutes alone in a locked room with our would-be Joan Rivers.

  20. mariajonee

    They rarely correct their errors or print retractions. In fact, the one time I posted a comment that their article had quoted a cleveland indians tickets study's statistics wrong, not only did they not respond to me or correct the error, they put all of my future comments under moderator's review.

  21. Billmatic

    "It's official..­.Marcus Bachman is NOT gay… a REAL gay man would never let his wife leave the house in any of those shoes or wear pantyhose with sandals!"

    Was this comment from one of you guys because I chuckled.

  22. Pragmatist2

    How can you call a site funded though a great divorce settlement, relying on theft of intellectual property and the vacuous contributions of the owner's mindless friends, "vacuous"?

  23. DaRooster

    "On camera, Michele Bachmann embodies the sort of power polish that America expects from its top-tier politicians."
    Polish… I thought Marcus liked the sausage?

  24. ttommyunger

    "Sarah Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion…" Nice way of saying "Fuck Me Pumps", kid. BTW, this settles it, I'm opting out of H-Po's shit as of today.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      It's a dirty job, educating the twinks that play in the HP pool, but — someone's gotta do it.

  25. NickDanger007

    She needs to go shopping on the Republican Party's dime, just like Sarah. That worked well.

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