WOMEN'S SECTION  5:55 pm August 25, 2011

Huffington Post Girl Reporter: Michele Bachmann Is A-OK, Except For Ugly Shoes

by Wonkette Jr.

Important AOL spam site “The Huffington Post” has a Fashion Reporter! She likes to report on girly things like fashion. But sometimes when you let ladies post things on the Internet without a professional man checking them first, the Fashion Reporter might tackle a political subject, like this:

On camera, Michele Bachmann embodies the sort of power polish that America expects from its top-tier politicians. For women, there’s an especially high bar — with a sweet spot somewhere between Sarah Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion and Hillary Clinton’s bold, corporate uniforms.

During the past few months, Bachmann’s handlers have zeroed in on a look that seems to appeal to a wide swath of Republican voters. The Iowa Straw Poll winner’s appearance is carefully crafted with soft color palettes, a great blow-out, and enough flawless makeup to ensure she’s camera-ready at all times. Or so it seems. According to a recent New Yorker profile, one of the rules for news photographers who travel with Bachmann is that they never photograph her in casual clothing.

But all these calculations leave one big unanswered question: How is it that a public figure receiving this much strategic advice still wears such unflattering shoes?

This is so fucking shallow and insipid and awful that America’s women are probably going to lose the vote altogether, out of shame. Well done, Fashion Reporter. [Huffington Post via everybody]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 98 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] August 25, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Obviously she's not seeking input from Marcus.

nounverb911 August 25, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Or Nieman-Marcus.

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Too soon!

baconzgood August 25, 2011 at 7:42 pm

"Nieman-Marcus"

"Neil-on-him Marcus"

(FIXED)

beanzontaost August 25, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Or Imelda Marcus
(OK, Marcos)

ProgressiveInga August 25, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Or Marcus Welby, MD.

hollywooddood August 25, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Marcus probably has some bitchin' come-fuck-me stilettos she could borrow.

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Though she tried everything from sexy lingerie, to porn, to sex toys, in the end she gave up hope of getting any "input" from Marcus at all.

Tundra Grifter August 26, 2011 at 11:19 am

Or Emelda Marcos.

spinozasgod August 26, 2011 at 2:18 pm

othewise she's be wearing mens shoes……..and clothes…..and private parts……

nounverb911 August 25, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Does Bachmannn wear the same size as Palin? Does Sarah loan?

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 6:45 pm

After her assistant washes out the skidmarks in the hotel sink, I hope.

Schmannnity August 25, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Todd?

Mahousu August 25, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Sarah does not loan. She "borrows."

NorthStarSpanx August 25, 2011 at 8:52 pm

She also wears two sizes too large or two sizes too small.
http://www.glittarazzi.com/home/2011/5/2/too-big-

nounverb911 August 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Needs more Jimmy Choo.

BaldarTFlagass August 25, 2011 at 6:02 pm

She should go goth.

Barb August 25, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Arianna Huffington-Gabor is gonna be pissed when she reads this "darlink'"

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 7:35 pm

I got into an argument with someone about that accent and was told bla bla bla something about hungary or whatever and I was all I don't give a shit, she sounds like she should be on green acres.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 25, 2011 at 6:08 pm

"Sarah Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion"

Eh? Further proof that I understand nothing about fashion. Perhaps it's more of the case that you can put Satan's shrieking harpy in fine clothes, but she's still a tool of Mephistopheles.

emmelemm August 25, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Lipstick on a pig something something.

Limeylizzie August 25, 2011 at 6:59 pm

She is hardly upmarket, she wears really cheap, shitty shoes.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 25, 2011 at 8:21 pm

They're certainly not sexy.

I do have a bit of a paraphilia about this sort of thing and can honestly say that SP has never done anything for me.

user-of-owls August 26, 2011 at 12:03 am

I just assumed "upmarket" was a different way of saying she was "for sale" up the market, like that gas station two blocks down. Was I wrong then?

berkeleyfarm August 25, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Mostly it proves that the HuffPo "reporter" is just blowing smoke and doesn't know fashion, either. Palin hasn't been "up-market" since she stopped being professionally dressed and styled at great expense. Usually she is quite the opposite. It's not particularly "foxy" IMO either. I know she thinks she is, and she's trying to compete with her daughters ('mirror, mirror, on the wall') but lately she's been looking like the dog's breakfast more often than not.

SayItWithWookies August 25, 2011 at 6:11 pm

You know what's also horribly unflattering on Michele Bachmann? Theofascism and economic illiteracy.

OneYieldRegular August 25, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Yes, but they're apparently what every fashionable conservative MUST be wearing this season.

NorthStarSpanx August 25, 2011 at 8:53 pm

It's not illiteracy, it's willful ignorance and/or populist solutions.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 25, 2011 at 9:11 pm

With a soucon of actual pig-ignorance and stultifying idiocy thrown in as a kind of mirepoix of pseudoelectability.

user-of-owls August 26, 2011 at 12:04 am

No, no. It's just the shoes.

Callyson August 25, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Those shoes would look a lot better if they were worn by someone who was kicking the asses of every Tea Party/Republican/Job Killer/Obstructionist…

Arken August 25, 2011 at 6:12 pm

I'm totally voting for someone else as first lady next time.

hagajim August 25, 2011 at 6:14 pm

"the sweet spot somewhere between Sarah Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion and Hillary Clinton’s bold, corporate uniforms"

Isn't that the taint?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 25, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Or one really bad lesbian porn.

edgydrifter August 25, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Granny-panties + Bumpits = up-market foxy?
Only if you jerk it to Rue McClanahan while drunk on Bacardi & Ensure smoothies.

Limeylizzie August 25, 2011 at 7:01 pm

I did a show with Rue McClanahan and she was way cooler than either of these cunts.

edgydrifter August 25, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Smarter, too, I'd wager. I don't remember her ever blathering about Paul Revere or the strategic oil reserve. And if she ever said "drill, baby, drill" it was because Marc Sotkin put it in the script.

emmelemm August 25, 2011 at 7:52 pm

May I worship you?

Oh, who am I kidding, I already worshipped you.

Limeylizzie August 25, 2011 at 7:57 pm

She was lovely, we used to get our hair and make-up done at the same time and they used those crazy things that go under a wig and sort of give you a temporary lift and she did not care who saw her when they were tightening them. I adored her, she also brought Sunday Brunch in for the whole cast, just a lovely, kind person.

102415 August 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm

hahaha,duct tape.

102415 August 25, 2011 at 9:05 pm

She flirted with my spousal unit once and he never ever stopped smiling when he told me about it. She was an inspiration to many of us.

Billmatic August 26, 2011 at 9:47 am

Woah woah woah. Are you stalking me, because that's just uncanny.

Chet Kincaid August 26, 2011 at 11:17 am

Christ, that is vivid! (Not Vivid, however.)

chascates August 25, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Bachmann probably has webbed feet or six toes or something.

emmelemm August 25, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Lizard person FTW!

weejee August 25, 2011 at 7:02 pm

So why ain't she wearing some Doc Martens?

user-of-owls August 26, 2011 at 12:14 am

Better still! She has a fully detachable cunt! She can just take it off every night and put it in its little cunt couch until the next morning.

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 6:25 pm

She forgot to mention the soft-focus cameras to hide her wrinkles.

tcaalaw August 26, 2011 at 9:28 am

Yes, those occasional high-def shots of Bachmann are rather scary, aren't they?

nappyduggs August 25, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Easy fix=latex footies to match the straight jacket.

Texan_Bulldog August 25, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Poor Michelle. Maggie Thatcher or Angela Merkel never had to put up with this crap. Oh, maybe that's because they were/are actually highly intelligent women who could talk foreign/domestic policy, economic issues and international affairs that journalists could actually report on as opposed to pretending they're relevant by talking about their shoes.

iburl August 25, 2011 at 6:38 pm

HuffPo was already turning into a steaming hunk of crap before AOL ate it. Now I feel actual shame if I go there.

LettucePrey August 25, 2011 at 7:54 pm

You're not alone. Lord knows I hate Shelley Bachmann as much as the next triple-digit-IQed person, but this female-on-female shit really gets my inner Gloria Steinem in a rage.

Papa_Uniform August 25, 2011 at 6:41 pm

We are going to have to stop calling them HuffPo and start calling them HoPo.

johnnyzhivago August 25, 2011 at 6:43 pm

I beg your pardon – Michelle's clothes and shoes up on par with or a cut above any other mental patient I've ever seen.

finallyhappy August 26, 2011 at 6:45 am

Well, cmon, think about TV- plenty of well dressed obviously mental patients there- way better than Crazy eyes!

Beowoof August 25, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Marcus knows a great pant-suit or skirt when he sees one. He is the only fashion consultant she needs. On the other hand her mental health consultant should be a team of Harvard doctors.

KenLayIsAlive August 25, 2011 at 6:47 pm

There's nothing wrong with her a lobotomy reversal couldn't fix.

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 7:36 pm

how does that work? jam the tip of a caulking gun in behind her eye and fill her head with silicone? It's worth a try…

OneYieldRegular August 25, 2011 at 6:51 pm

They really, really need a Hells-Angels-tough bouncer staffing the door to Huffington Post. The people they let into that place…

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 25, 2011 at 6:58 pm

At least the Fashion Reporter doesn't get paid for that stuff.

not that Dewey August 25, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Huffington paint, is more like it.

…carefully crafted with soft color palettes, a great blow-out, and enough flawless makeup to ensure she’s camera-ready at all times.

Have they even seen Wonket's signature Michele Bachmann image? Something's blowing out, alright, but I wouldn't call it "camera-ready".

ProgressiveInga August 25, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Shallow, vapid, whatever. Her shoes really are butt-ugly. Just sayin'.

Urban_Achiever August 25, 2011 at 11:53 pm

For REAL–they are hiddy!! Some fugly super-mega-strappy sandals.

RedneckMuslin August 25, 2011 at 7:22 pm

I thought her shoes were only to protect her teeth from her foot.

baconzgood August 25, 2011 at 7:34 pm

But lest not forget her shoes cause her head aches
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/high-heels-michele-b

How else would she stop the Soviets….

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 7:38 pm

"On camera, Michele Bachmann embodies the sort of power polish that America expects from its top-tier politicians."
That's where you lost me, toots.

baconzgood August 25, 2011 at 7:38 pm

"On camera, Michele Bachmann embodies the sort of power polish that America expects from its top-tier politicians"

We're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here America…..Any one have a plane ticket to Toronto?

LettucePrey August 25, 2011 at 7:42 pm

I fucking HATE HuffPo with the intensity of 10,000 white hot suns. Every single one of their "articles" is either sexist drivel (my fave is this one–marriage ADVICE written by some woman-hating shrew who has been divorced four times); regurgitated/plagiarized from some other source; vapid celebrity nagging (ooh, Sheryl Crow says to use less toilet paper!); or, worst of all, totally and completely not true. Like, Fox News untrue. They rarely correct their errors or print retractions. In fact, the one time I posted a comment that their article had quoted a study's statistics wrong, not only did they not respond to me or correct the error, they put all of my future comments under moderator's review.

So… yeah. Fuck them.

ProudLibunatic August 25, 2011 at 7:54 pm

And they are obsessed with cretins like Glenn Beck.

Ancient_Hacker August 26, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Yeah, theys seem to have a totally clueless headline writer, who has no idea what the word "Incredible" actually means. Also, stupid homeopathic remedies.

ProudLibunatic August 25, 2011 at 7:55 pm

So much for our fabulous FLOTUS, style-girl.

Gleem_McShineys August 25, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion

Up your market, and your apostrophe-ess-hole, Hufftard Wet Seal Correspondent.

That style was sooo much Palin's that she actually was supposed to return the clothes later.

102415 August 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I've seen pictures of Palin before the big money grifter days started with something like bedroom slippers on as governor.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 25, 2011 at 8:33 pm

I choose to support female candidates based upon who does the most Kegles in a day.

emmelemm August 25, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Oh, sweetie, you're such a boy: It's Kegel, not Kegle.

natoslug August 26, 2011 at 12:44 am

But Kegle is one happy boy…

Nothingisamiss August 26, 2011 at 7:47 am

How do you count?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 25, 2011 at 8:34 pm

With all of those handlers giving her advice, you would think that someone would do something about her crazy eyes.

MiniMencken August 25, 2011 at 8:41 pm

She wearin' them ugly-ass Bruno Magli's? If the shoes don't fit, you must acquit!

Barrelhse August 25, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Thanks, Wonkette Jr., for reading the HuffPo so we don't have to.
I haven't been there since I was banned, as I already was forming some doubts about that cesspool. Then it was sold several months later, after disinfecting the comment board, which sealed it for me. The place is a joke, and a dishonest one at that.

mavenmaven August 25, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Doesn't Huff Post only post dirty pics of celebs?

102415 August 25, 2011 at 9:21 pm

I noticed when she won the Iowa straw poll that the media was cutting off all the pictures at the feet. I found one with the black gladiators and the white suit as she was standing waving from the bus. Then that one was gone too. I figure the Elvis mistake was just too much and News corp. is winding her down. Perry has excellent shoes/boots and his head is up his ass just as far as any of them.

berkeleyfarm August 26, 2011 at 12:51 am

Hearing that she wore black gladiators with a white suit is really only the cherry on the top of her abundant sundae of crazy.

user-of-owls August 26, 2011 at 12:40 am

I would be highly entertained to see our callow young reporter give her nothing-held-back fashion review of Dilma Rouseff

They I'd like to give La Presidenta 5 minutes alone in a locked room with our would-be Joan Rivers.

mariajonee August 26, 2011 at 5:47 am

They rarely correct their errors or print retractions. In fact, the one time I posted a comment that their article had quoted a cleveland indians tickets study's statistics wrong, not only did they not respond to me or correct the error, they put all of my future comments under moderator's review.

Billmatic August 26, 2011 at 9:44 am

"It's official..­.Marcus Bachman is NOT gay… a REAL gay man would never let his wife leave the house in any of those shoes or wear pantyhose with sandals!"

Was this comment from one of you guys because I chuckled.

Pragmatist2 August 26, 2011 at 10:46 am

How can you call a site funded though a great divorce settlement, relying on theft of intellectual property and the vacuous contributions of the owner's mindless friends, "vacuous"?

DaRooster August 26, 2011 at 10:52 am

"On camera, Michele Bachmann embodies the sort of power polish that America expects from its top-tier politicians."
Polish… I thought Marcus liked the sausage?

ttommyunger August 26, 2011 at 11:27 am

"Sarah Palin’s up-market, foxy fashion…" Nice way of saying "Fuck Me Pumps", kid. BTW, this settles it, I'm opting out of H-Po's shit as of today.

MichelesPantalones August 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm

It's a dirty job, educating the twinks that play in the HP pool, but — someone's gotta do it.

ttommyunger August 26, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Waste of ethernet, that. I've been deleting their drivel for years, time to purge.

Chet Kincaid August 26, 2011 at 11:28 am

OK, everybody hates HuffPo!! But, the article on Perry's Death Insurance Scheme in Texas was actual ORIGINAL REPORTING by HuffPo, so cut them a little slack:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/25/rick-per

Troglodeity August 26, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Breathlessly awaiting the HuffPo article on Perry's Thom McAns.

NickDanger007 August 26, 2011 at 3:41 pm

She needs to go shopping on the Republican Party's dime, just like Sarah. That worked well.

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Limeylizzie August 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm
102415 August 25, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Indispensable!

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