The GOP of Ohio was having another one of their weekly “drunk, diapered ‘n dominated!” orgies one night recently, and out of the swirl of morning-after shame and closeted self-loathing they decided they’d order a mindless manly piece of man man to… what, run for Congress? Sure, that about compensates. And that is the only reason why Joe the Plumber is now apparently being pushed by the Ohio GOP to run for Congress:

Joe Wurzelbacher, better known as Joe the Plumber, is considering a run against U.S. Rep. Marcy Kaptur in 2012, according to Republican Party sources.

Jon Stainbrook, chairman of the Lucas County Republican Party, said there is “high-level interest in the national Republican Party” in a potential Wurzelbacher candidacy.

“We are encouraging Joe to run,” Mr. Stainbrook said. “He hasn’t made any official decision yet.”

Chris Maloney, spokesman for the Ohio Republican Party, said a candidate like Mr. Wurzelbacher would have strong fund-raising capabilities thanks to national recognition he received during the 2008 presidential campaign, but added such star power would have to be weighed against the advantages of experience that someone like a state legislator could bring to the race.

Mr. Wurzelbacher wouldn’t confirm or deny a congressional run. “I think it’s a very interesting idea,” he said Tuesday. “That’s as much as I can say.”

One GOP source put the chances of Mr. Wurzelbacher running against Miss Kaptur at “90 percent.”

[The Toledo Blade]

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  • justkillmenow

    That is no sane woman's idea of beefcake. Maybe the gay men like that? Anyone?

    • nounverb911

      Lindsey Graham?

      • Graham Cracker

        I think he is soooooo cute!

    • elviouslyqueer

      For the record: DO NOT WANT.

    • prommie

      Meathead, not beefcake, definitely.

      • BaldarTFlagass


        • widestanceshakedown

          Suetcake is more like it.

        • nappyduggs

          Urinal cake.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I don't remember a plumber among the Village People.
      Although, in retrospect, a hunky guy waving a plunger would have been quite an addition.

      • James Michael Curley

        Not an opinion Abner Louima would have shared.

    • SmutBoffin

      He's got all the appeal of an extra in a pick-up truck commercial.

    • widestanceshakedown

      I'd go celibate before I'd so much as hate fuck this cretin.

    • johnnymeatworth

      More like a collapsed beef souffle. No go.

    • bureaucrap

      If he lost 80 lbs., 30 years, and had both of those converted to IQ points… nahhh, still pretty gross.

    • neiltheblaze

      As another vote from the gay contingent – please – this man is beefcake like I'm a nuclear physicist.

    • Tommmcatt

      I would have replied earlier but I just now finished laughing at the idea.

      In a word, no.

    • fletc3her

      Joe the Plumber is a good porn name for Sammy, but no, eww.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more failing up!

  • ogradybt

    Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Run! Run! Run! Please run! Do it! Please!

    • LesBontemps

      For the children comedy!

    • Callyson

      Congresswoman Kaptur, shouldn't you be back at work?

  • SexySmurf

    Are they running out of Republicans?

    • LesBontemps

      No, teabaggers are just overstocked.

      • DashboardBuddha

        They should have a fire sale…with actual fire.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Is that how we're saying 'overfed', now?

    • not that Dewey

      God I sure hope so.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We should be so lucky.

  • nounverb911

    Joe the Unlicensed Congressman?

    • The Rebuglicans want to deregulate, so that means no moar of those pesky license thingies for engineers, doctors, dentists, architects, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Oh and plumbers, too, also.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    The Republican caucus is going to need a bigger short bus if they get any more half wit members (ha ha, I said "members"!)

  • Beefcake??? More like hamburger helper!

  • Make us even prouder, Joe!

    (I mean prouder than our other Ohio Republicans have made us so far.)

    • horsedreamer_1

      The Ohio Republican Party is for Nazi re-enactors, drunk-driving philanderers, & acid casualties*.

      *Deadhead Governor John Kasich.

    • jacqfire

      Seriously, it gets worse all the time. At least we still have UFO Dennis, (until they redistrict him out).

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      The Young Guns need some new blood!

  • E. Coli had a lot of exposure in 2008, I guess that qualifies it as a Republican candidate for Congress too…

  • SorosBot

    This is good news for Marcy Kaptur.


  • metamarcisf

    Why bother with the House of Representatives? The GOP needs more presidential candidates, preferably those who don't make fools out of themselves simply by opening their mouths. Joe has already proven he can hold his own crotch against Obama.

  • freakishlywrong

    It's Socialishim. The Re-distribution of the stupid.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Re-distribution my ass … the GOP is cornering the market.

  • prommie

    I'm sure there is no history of bankruptcy, unlicensed contracting, fraud, DUIs, grift, arrests, wifebeating, and other such things, in this fine standout republican's background.

    • Possibly the worst crime of all? Snuggie® endorsement.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Wow. There's enough douche in that pic to make a new Summer's Eve commercial.

      • My eyes!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If he's managed not to open a Twitter account, he's way ahead of the pack.

    • zhubajie

      Hey, he's an Ohio Republican. From the Cleveland burbs, it's true, which are somewhat better than that Black Hole of Republicana, Cincinnati, but still….

      • Negropolis

        He's actually from suburban Toledo.

    • Gainsbourg69

      As long as he talks crazy republicans will not pay attention to his criminal record. Proof? Rick Scott.

  • SayItWithWookies

    …a candidate like Mr. Wurzelbacher would have strong fund-raising capabilities thanks to national recognition he received during the 2008 presidential campaign, but added such star power would have to be weighed against the advantages of experience that someone like a state legislator could bring to the race.

    "Gee guys, should we go with the incompetent famewhore boob everybody's heard of or maybe pick someone who knows their way through the legislative process and who's actually interested in crafting laws good for the country?" I'll be the room just burst into laughter at that point.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      "Gee guys, should we go with the incompetent famewhore boob everybody's heard of or maybe pick someone who knows their way through the legislative process and who's actually interested in crafting laws good for the country?" I'll be the room just burst into laughter at that point.

      I'm pretty sure the same words were said by John McCain when he selected his vice presidential nominee.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Gee guys, should we go with the another incompetent famewhore boob … "


  • LabRodent

    That Ass-clown couldn't run the local Sonic drive thru.

    • ttommyunger

      Therefore, a perfect fit!

    • zhubajie

      That didn't stop W!

  • OzoneTom

    Please run Joe — just think of how it would increase the sales of those digital conversion boxes that you have sitting in warehouses.

  • Arken

    Sarah Palin/Joe the Plumber 2016

    "It's the stupid, stupid."

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      It's the Stupid/Stupid.

      • sezme

        Plumber and Dumberer

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Suddenly I'm imagining a White House so immune to facts that they'd insist on continuing to use Brawndo on the crops no matter what.

  • DrinkYerBourbon

    Why not. This is the new welfare to work program. Just ask our favorite witch.

  • Sure. take on the lady who is the longest serving member of Ohio's congressional delegation. That should be a piece of cake for a guy with no credentials.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, the GOP is officially admitting they don't want to run anyone capable of doing anything useful in DC, they just want people who can yell "You Lie!" from the well of Congress when the President speaks.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Throw the plumber down the well,
      So my country can be free!

    • Come here a minute

      J. the P. would forget his lines and shout, "I lie!"

    • zhubajie

      Maybe he can fix the pipes at the Pentagon!

  • SmutBoffin

    I would've guessed that he had successfully started up that plumbing business that he tried to tell the President about by now. What? He just goes around giving ill-informed speeches built around Red State shibboleths?

    Well you can knock me over with a feather or "Rick Perry for Pres." dildo.

    • Crank_Tango

      plumbing, septic-tank diving, tomato, tomahto.

  • Radiotherapy┬«

    A small business owner (sic) who stood Joe to toe with the Usurper in Chief, whose only discernable skill is low-level grifting — an absolutely perfect teabag candidate.

  • SorosBot

    Really, Ohio GOP, it just makes so much sense to run a famewhore whose fifteen minutes ended long ago and was a national joke rather than someone who might actually have a chance of winning.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Today's GOP is all about the famewhoring. Policy work is hard!

      • SorosBot

        And there's no immediate profit in it either!

  • Schmannnity

    This says a lot about the head of the Ohio delegation, weepy John Boehner.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If you had that pathetic crew working for you, you'd cry too.

    • zhubajie

      He *IS* from the armpit of the right wing, Cincinnati!

  • elviouslyqueer

    "He would make a fantastic candidate," Mr. Stainbrook said. "He goes hunting with Sarah Palin. He's friends with Ann Coulter. He's got the ability to raise the money if he makes a decision to jump into the race."

    Translation: He's a batshit lunatic grifter who also happens to pal around with a skanky, screeching attention whore and a clinically depressed, constipated tranny.

    Yes, indeedy, go Joe go. All the way to hell, preferably.

  • Redhead

    Psst, Mr. Plumber. Your 15 minutes are up. Just because Palin ignores the clock (on fame, and the biological one too) doesn't mean should try to do the same.

  • GhostBuggy

    I don't understand. If he gives up his plumbing job now, how will he ever make the millions and millions of dollars that he's just so fucking positive Obama was going to steal from him and redistribute to Lazy Welfare Blacks?

  • Barb

    Dim Beefcake Joe the Plumber Might Run for Congress. Dim urinal cake…. (fixed)

    • If I may…
      On behalf of the women of Wonkette, I say thank-you.

      • Barb

        Thanks Proud.

    • nappyduggs

      Oh nuts! You beated me to that one!

    • Barrelhse

      Piss on him.

  • snoopyfan2010

    Hmmmm….imagine having dark, oh wait, pale skin and name recognition and thinking that makes you an expert on politics.

  • Tommmcatt

    Soon they will cut to the chase and just plain nominate a brain-damaged parakeet.

    • emmelemm

      Parakeet libel!

    • DashboardBuddha

      Does moron want a cracker?
      Does moron want a cracker?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I think you'd need a parrot, to recite the teabagger catechism.

    • jodyleek

      Too life-like. How about a picture of a brain-damaged parakeet?

      Picture of brain-damaged parakeet/Joe the dumber 2012!

    • tihond

      And it will still get at least 35% of the votes.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "Jon Stainbrook, chairman of the Lucas County Republican Party, said there is “high-level interest in the national Republican Party” in a potential Wurzelbacher candidacy."

    There is no way this guy exists. I think this a fake press release from Ohio Democrats for shits and giggles.

    • finallyhappy

      Lucas County may not exist- or Ohio.

    • Barrelhse

      Could be a sophomoric Scott Brown staffer.
      But I have Stainbrook pegged as a bed-wetter.

  • Cicada

    All future stories about Joe the Plumber should be accompanied by this photo:

    It's begging to be Blingeed.

    • Beowoof

      Special class 1971 forty year reunion.

  • SenileAgitation

    Al Franken seems smarter than the average bear and actually has an interest in governing rather than grandstanding. Can't say the same for some of these "my name recognition qualifies me for office" scum.

    • finallyhappy

      Didn't Al go to Harvard? He had a pretty good job as an SNL writer and performer and as an author after that. So his fame actually came from doing something

  • x111e7thst

    If Joe the (Kansas) Miller has sufficiently recovered from his Alaska Debacle maybe he could stage-manage this song and dance act.

  • Goonemeritus

    Now if we can get Michael Savage to throw his hat in the ring for US ambassador to the UN and Ann Coulter to campaign for an appointment to the Supreme Court we could really get this Armageddon thing moving.

    • Beowoof

      I don't know if Michael Savage has a chance in San Francisco, even though he used to share a place with Alan Ginsberg.

  • SexySmurf

    You know who else the Republican Party accused of being a celebrity with minimal legislative experience?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ronald Reagan, before they worshipped him.

    • jodyleek

      King Tut?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Gary Hart?

    • flamingpdog

      Matt Damon?
      Oh, wait, that was the Obama White House.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I wonder if this new career shift will be as wildly successful as a war correspondent?

    I'm surprised his "reporting" didn't hasten the End Times.

  • baconzgood

    I was just saying to the lil' lady yesterday, "hey baby you know who would be good at legislating a guy who's ass is half hanging out and who's hands smell like shit"

    • DashboardBuddha

      As the dude that hands the tools to the plumber that does the actual work, I would imagine his hands are a little cleaner.

      • widestanceshakedown

        I would imagine they smell that way before he even shows up for work.

        • DaRooster

          Why do you think his pants are half down?

          • widestanceshakedown

            I refuse to go there. He's one of the few men on the planet that does not exist for me from the neck down. Honest, I'll check out any man's package save a few and he is one of them.

    • nappyduggs

      Vitter is still in office, right?

    • horsedreamer_1

      So, how much did you have to pay your source for Lindsey Graham's home-movies? & when can I expect them on TMZ or Gawker?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "Star power" and "beefcake" are two words one does not usually associate with an overweight fake plumbing technician who appeared on television once or twice. Unless, of course, Mr. Wienerschnitzel spent the last two years with a personal trainer in LA and got himself a better publicist.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Joe the Dumber.

  • Ducksworthy

    Please Joe the Plunger. Run! For the comedy. Please think of the comedy. And Run!

  • hollywooddood

    Joe the Plumber got up in front of that room of Repubicans and said the applause made him horny,

    There it is.

    • Barrelhse

      Palin has the same fetish.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Let me guess. The sign on his congressional office door will read: "Congressman the Plumber."

  • ttommyunger

    Joe the Plumber=Dumb and Dumber: Bumper Sticker, fixed!

  • poncho_pilot

    a nationally recognized plumber who's acquired star power, pushed into doing jobs for a bunch of guys with mushroom-shaped heads. i've played this game before.

  • If you think Joe looks bad now (and he does) he will be like the Elephant Man crossed with the Hunchback of Notre Dame after Marcy Kaptur gets finished with him.

    He would probably quit the race in shame after shitting himself during the opening five minutes of their first debate.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I had suspected for a while that the GOP was actually an absurdist performance art troop. Now I'm certain of it.

  • I looked for an endorsement on Angie's List, but could find no "Joe the Plumber". Voter beware!

  • Further evidence that Idiocracy was a documentary.

    • Beowoof

      Pass the Brawndo and Vodka it is going to be long time till death's sweet sting.

  • DaRooster

    Thanks Sarah…

  • Graham Cracker

    I think it is a great idea. The democrats are sure to win the seat, and John Stewart is sure to have great material for the next 15 months.

  • Beowoof

    You better believe with those 500 people who bought his book, he will be able to raise 10's and 10's of dollars.

    • Tommmcatt

      Maybe even elevens and elevens!

      • horsedreamer_1

        The Spinal Tap endorsement could swing the election.

  • mrpuma2u

    Ugh when will Joe the Plunger just go away? Is it wrong for me to want him to drink Dran-o?

  • flamingpdog

    Having dimwit Plumbers running around DC worked so well during the Nixon Administration.

  • Plumbers are just the ticket for the GOP. They worked out well at the Watergate.

  • Barrelhse

    How did Helen Keller die?
    Joe left the plunger in the toilet.

  • Joe Wilson
    Joe Lieberman
    Joe Walsh
    Joe Barton
    Joe Wuzlaelberxkeeslw The Plumber

    What's with all the Joe's?

  • Negropolis

    Samuel has been threatening to run forever. Much like Ms. Palin, he only threatens to run to keep up his (embarrassing) speaking fees.

    BTW: "beefcake"? WTF?

    BTW x 2: Marcy Kaptur would beat his ass like a rented mule.

  • mavenmaven

    Will his TV ad start "I am not a plumber, I am just like all of you"?

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