JOE THE DUMBER  12:28 pm August 25, 2011

Dim Beefcake Joe the Plumber Might Run for Congress

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

The GOP of Ohio was having another one of their weekly “drunk, diapered ‘n dominated!” orgies one night recently, and out of the swirl of morning-after shame and closeted self-loathing they decided they’d order a mindless manly piece of man man to… what, run for Congress? Sure, that about compensates. And that is the only reason why Joe the Plumber is now apparently being pushed by the Ohio GOP to run for Congress:

Joe Wurzelbacher, better known as Joe the Plumber, is considering a run against U.S. Rep. Marcy Kaptur in 2012, according to Republican Party sources.

Jon Stainbrook, chairman of the Lucas County Republican Party, said there is “high-level interest in the national Republican Party” in a potential Wurzelbacher candidacy.

“We are encouraging Joe to run,” Mr. Stainbrook said. “He hasn’t made any official decision yet.”

Chris Maloney, spokesman for the Ohio Republican Party, said a candidate like Mr. Wurzelbacher would have strong fund-raising capabilities thanks to national recognition he received during the 2008 presidential campaign, but added such star power would have to be weighed against the advantages of experience that someone like a state legislator could bring to the race.

Mr. Wurzelbacher wouldn’t confirm or deny a congressional run. “I think it’s a very interesting idea,” he said Tuesday. “That’s as much as I can say.”

One GOP source put the chances of Mr. Wurzelbacher running against Miss Kaptur at “90 percent.”

[The Toledo Blade]

 

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{ 140 comments }

justkillmenow August 25, 2011 at 12:31 pm

That is no sane woman's idea of beefcake. Maybe the gay men like that? Anyone?

nounverb911 August 25, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Lindsey Graham?

Graham Cracker August 25, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I think he is soooooo cute!

elviouslyqueer August 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm

For the record: DO NOT WANT.

prommie August 25, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Meathead, not beefcake, definitely.

BaldarTFlagass August 25, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Meatcake?

widestanceshakedown August 25, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Suetcake is more like it.

nappyduggs August 25, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Urinal cake.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I don't remember a plumber among the Village People.
Although, in retrospect, a hunky guy waving a plunger would have been quite an addition.

James Michael Curley August 25, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Not an opinion Abner Louima would have shared.

SmutBoffin August 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

He's got all the appeal of an extra in a pick-up truck commercial.

widestanceshakedown August 25, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I'd go celibate before I'd so much as hate fuck this cretin.

johnnymeatworth August 25, 2011 at 1:15 pm

More like a collapsed beef souffle. No go.

bureaucrap August 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm

If he lost 80 lbs., 30 years, and had both of those converted to IQ points… nahhh, still pretty gross.

neiltheblaze August 25, 2011 at 3:03 pm

As another vote from the gay contingent – please – this man is beefcake like I'm a nuclear physicist.

Tommmcatt August 25, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I would have replied earlier but I just now finished laughing at the idea.

In a word, no.

fletc3her August 25, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Joe the Plumber is a good porn name for Sammy, but no, eww.

nounverb911 August 25, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Needs more failing up!

ogradybt August 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Run! Run! Run! Please run! Do it! Please!

LesBontemps August 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

For the children comedy!

Callyson August 25, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Congresswoman Kaptur, shouldn't you be back at work?

SexySmurf August 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Are they running out of Republicans?

LesBontemps August 25, 2011 at 12:50 pm

No, teabaggers are just overstocked.

DashboardBuddha August 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm

They should have a fire sale…with actual fire.

horsedreamer_1 August 25, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Is that how we're saying 'overfed', now?

not that Dewey August 25, 2011 at 1:13 pm

God I sure hope so.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm

We should be so lucky.

nounverb911 August 25, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Joe the Unlicensed Congressman?

weejee August 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm

The Rebuglicans want to deregulate, so that means no moar of those pesky license thingies for engineers, doctors, dentists, architects, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Oh and plumbers, too, also.

Thurman Munster IV August 25, 2011 at 12:38 pm

The Republican caucus is going to need a bigger short bus if they get any more half wit members (ha ha, I said "members"!)

johnnyzhivago August 25, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Beefcake??? More like hamburger helper!

NorthStarSpanx August 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm
DashboardBuddha August 25, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Anus burger helper

ifthethunderdontgetya August 25, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Make us even prouder, Joe!

(I mean prouder than our other Ohio Republicans have made us so far.)
~

horsedreamer_1 August 25, 2011 at 3:05 pm

The Ohio Republican Party is for Nazi re-enactors, drunk-driving philanderers, & acid casualties*.

*Deadhead Governor John Kasich.

jacqfire August 25, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Seriously, it gets worse all the time. At least we still have UFO Dennis, (until they redistrict him out).

Bonzos_Bed_Time August 26, 2011 at 1:29 am

The Young Guns need some new blood!

johnnyzhivago August 25, 2011 at 12:40 pm

E. Coli had a lot of exposure in 2008, I guess that qualifies it as a Republican candidate for Congress too…

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 12:40 pm

This is good news for Marcy Kaptur.

4TheTurnstiles August 25, 2011 at 12:40 pm

RUN, FORREST! RUN!

metamarcisf August 25, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Why bother with the House of Representatives? The GOP needs more presidential candidates, preferably those who don't make fools out of themselves simply by opening their mouths. Joe has already proven he can hold his own crotch against Obama.

freakishlywrong August 25, 2011 at 12:41 pm

It's Socialishim. The Re-distribution of the stupid.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Re-distribution my ass … the GOP is cornering the market.

prommie August 25, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I'm sure there is no history of bankruptcy, unlicensed contracting, fraud, DUIs, grift, arrests, wifebeating, and other such things, in this fine standout republican's background.

Mumbletypeg August 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Possibly the worst crime of all? Snuggie® endorsement.

elviouslyqueer August 25, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Wow. There's enough douche in that pic to make a new Summer's Eve commercial.

ProudLibunatic August 25, 2011 at 1:06 pm

My eyes!!

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2011 at 1:18 pm

If he's managed not to open a Twitter account, he's way ahead of the pack.

zhubajie August 25, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Hey, he's an Ohio Republican. From the Cleveland burbs, it's true, which are somewhat better than that Black Hole of Republicana, Cincinnati, but still….

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm

He's actually from suburban Toledo.

Gainsbourg69 August 25, 2011 at 8:30 pm

As long as he talks crazy republicans will not pay attention to his criminal record. Proof? Rick Scott.

SayItWithWookies August 25, 2011 at 12:46 pm

…a candidate like Mr. Wurzelbacher would have strong fund-raising capabilities thanks to national recognition he received during the 2008 presidential campaign, but added such star power would have to be weighed against the advantages of experience that someone like a state legislator could bring to the race.

"Gee guys, should we go with the incompetent famewhore boob everybody's heard of or maybe pick someone who knows their way through the legislative process and who's actually interested in crafting laws good for the country?" I'll be the room just burst into laughter at that point.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 25, 2011 at 1:01 pm

"Gee guys, should we go with the incompetent famewhore boob everybody's heard of or maybe pick someone who knows their way through the legislative process and who's actually interested in crafting laws good for the country?" I'll be the room just burst into laughter at that point.

I'm pretty sure the same words were said by John McCain when he selected his vice presidential nominee.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2011 at 1:25 pm

"Gee guys, should we go with the another incompetent famewhore boob … "

Fixed.

LabRodent August 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm

That Ass-clown couldn't run the local Sonic drive thru.

ttommyunger August 25, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Therefore, a perfect fit!

zhubajie August 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm

That didn't stop W!

OzoneTom August 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Please run Joe — just think of how it would increase the sales of those digital conversion boxes that you have sitting in warehouses.

Arken August 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Sarah Palin/Joe the Plumber 2016

"It's the stupid, stupid."

GunToting[Redacted] August 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm

It's the Stupid/Stupid.

sezme August 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Plumber and Dumberer

WhatTheHolyHeck August 25, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Suddenly I'm imagining a White House so immune to facts that they'd insist on continuing to use Brawndo on the crops no matter what.

DrinkYerBourbon August 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Why not. This is the new welfare to work program. Just ask our favorite witch.

Maman August 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Sure. take on the lady who is the longest serving member of Ohio's congressional delegation. That should be a piece of cake for a guy with no credentials.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

So, the GOP is officially admitting they don't want to run anyone capable of doing anything useful in DC, they just want people who can yell "You Lie!" from the well of Congress when the President speaks.

GunToting[Redacted] August 25, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Throw the plumber down the well,
So my country can be free!

Come here a minute August 25, 2011 at 4:46 pm

J. the P. would forget his lines and shout, "I lie!"

zhubajie August 25, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Maybe he can fix the pipes at the Pentagon!

SmutBoffin August 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I would've guessed that he had successfully started up that plumbing business that he tried to tell the President about by now. What? He just goes around giving ill-informed speeches built around Red State shibboleths?

Well you can knock me over with a feather or "Rick Perry for Pres." dildo.

Crank_Tango August 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

plumbing, septic-tank diving, tomato, tomahto.

Radiotherapy® August 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

A small business owner (sic) who stood Joe to toe with the Usurper in Chief, whose only discernable skill is low-level grifting — an absolutely perfect teabag candidate.

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Really, Ohio GOP, it just makes so much sense to run a famewhore whose fifteen minutes ended long ago and was a national joke rather than someone who might actually have a chance of winning.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Today's GOP is all about the famewhoring. Policy work is hard!

SorosBot August 25, 2011 at 1:05 pm

And there's no immediate profit in it either!

Schmannnity August 25, 2011 at 12:54 pm

This says a lot about the head of the Ohio delegation, weepy John Boehner.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2011 at 1:28 pm

If you had that pathetic crew working for you, you'd cry too.

zhubajie August 25, 2011 at 7:20 pm

He *IS* from the armpit of the right wing, Cincinnati!

elviouslyqueer August 25, 2011 at 12:54 pm

"He would make a fantastic candidate," Mr. Stainbrook said. "He goes hunting with Sarah Palin. He's friends with Ann Coulter. He's got the ability to raise the money if he makes a decision to jump into the race."

Translation: He's a batshit lunatic grifter who also happens to pal around with a skanky, screeching attention whore and a clinically depressed, constipated tranny.

Yes, indeedy, go Joe go. All the way to hell, preferably.

Redhead August 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Psst, Mr. Plumber. Your 15 minutes are up. Just because Palin ignores the clock (on fame, and the biological one too) doesn't mean should try to do the same.

GhostBuggy August 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I don't understand. If he gives up his plumbing job now, how will he ever make the millions and millions of dollars that he's just so fucking positive Obama was going to steal from him and redistribute to Lazy Welfare Blacks?

Barb August 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Dim Beefcake Joe the Plumber Might Run for Congress. Dim urinal cake…. (fixed)

ProudLibunatic August 25, 2011 at 1:10 pm

If I may…
On behalf of the women of Wonkette, I say thank-you.

Barb August 25, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Thanks Proud.

nappyduggs August 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Oh nuts! You beated me to that one!

Barrelhse August 25, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Piss on him.

snoopyfan2010 August 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Hmmmm….imagine having dark, oh wait, pale skin and name recognition and thinking that makes you an expert on politics.

Tommmcatt August 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Soon they will cut to the chase and just plain nominate a brain-damaged parakeet.

emmelemm August 25, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Parakeet libel!

DashboardBuddha August 25, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Does moron want a cracker?
Does moron want a cracker?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I think you'd need a parrot, to recite the teabagger catechism.

jodyleek August 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Too life-like. How about a picture of a brain-damaged parakeet?

Picture of brain-damaged parakeet/Joe the dumber 2012!

tihond August 25, 2011 at 1:40 pm

And it will still get at least 35% of the votes.

Allmighty_Manos August 25, 2011 at 1:00 pm

"Jon Stainbrook, chairman of the Lucas County Republican Party, said there is “high-level interest in the national Republican Party” in a potential Wurzelbacher candidacy."

There is no way this guy exists. I think this a fake press release from Ohio Democrats for shits and giggles.

finallyhappy August 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Lucas County may not exist- or Ohio.
.

Barrelhse August 25, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Could be a sophomoric Scott Brown staffer.
But I have Stainbrook pegged as a bed-wetter.

Cicada August 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

All future stories about Joe the Plumber should be accompanied by this photo: http://goo.gl/3EYGg

It's begging to be Blingeed.

Beowoof August 25, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Special class 1971 forty year reunion.

SenileAgitation August 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Al Franken seems smarter than the average bear and actually has an interest in governing rather than grandstanding. Can't say the same for some of these "my name recognition qualifies me for office" scum.

finallyhappy August 25, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Didn't Al go to Harvard? He had a pretty good job as an SNL writer and performer and as an author after that. So his fame actually came from doing something

x111e7thst August 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

If Joe the (Kansas) Miller has sufficiently recovered from his Alaska Debacle maybe he could stage-manage this song and dance act.

Goonemeritus August 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Now if we can get Michael Savage to throw his hat in the ring for US ambassador to the UN and Ann Coulter to campaign for an appointment to the Supreme Court we could really get this Armageddon thing moving.

Beowoof August 25, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I don't know if Michael Savage has a chance in San Francisco, even though he used to share a place with Alan Ginsberg.

SexySmurf August 25, 2011 at 1:07 pm

You know who else the Republican Party accused of being a celebrity with minimal legislative experience?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Ronald Reagan, before they worshipped him.

jodyleek August 25, 2011 at 1:38 pm

King Tut?

horsedreamer_1 August 25, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Gary Hart?

flamingpdog August 25, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Matt Damon?
Oh, wait, that was the Obama White House.

NorthStarSpanx August 25, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I wonder if this new career shift will be as wildly successful as a war correspondent?
http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/no-joe-wurzelbacher-
http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/02/02/di

I'm surprised his "reporting" didn't hasten the End Times.

baconzgood August 25, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I was just saying to the lil' lady yesterday, "hey baby you know who would be good at legislating a guy who's ass is half hanging out and who's hands smell like shit"

DashboardBuddha August 25, 2011 at 1:17 pm

As the dude that hands the tools to the plumber that does the actual work, I would imagine his hands are a little cleaner.

widestanceshakedown August 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm

I would imagine they smell that way before he even shows up for work.

DaRooster August 25, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Why do you think his pants are half down?

widestanceshakedown August 25, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I refuse to go there. He's one of the few men on the planet that does not exist for me from the neck down. Honest, I'll check out any man's package save a few and he is one of them.

nappyduggs August 25, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Vitter is still in office, right?

horsedreamer_1 August 25, 2011 at 3:07 pm

So, how much did you have to pay your source for Lindsey Graham's home-movies? & when can I expect them on TMZ or Gawker?

randcoolcatdaddy August 25, 2011 at 1:17 pm

"Star power" and "beefcake" are two words one does not usually associate with an overweight fake plumbing technician who appeared on television once or twice. Unless, of course, Mr. Wienerschnitzel spent the last two years with a personal trainer in LA and got himself a better publicist.

Texan_Bulldog August 25, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Joe the Dumber.

Ducksworthy August 25, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Please Joe the Plunger. Run! For the comedy. Please think of the comedy. And Run!

hollywooddood August 25, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Joe the Plumber got up in front of that room of Repubicans and said the applause made him horny,

There it is.

Barrelhse August 25, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Palin has the same fetish.

OneYieldRegular August 25, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Let me guess. The sign on his congressional office door will read: "Congressman the Plumber."

ttommyunger August 25, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Joe the Plumber=Dumb and Dumber: Bumper Sticker, fixed!

poncho_pilot August 25, 2011 at 1:52 pm

a nationally recognized plumber who's acquired star power, pushed into doing jobs for a bunch of guys with mushroom-shaped heads. i've played this game before.

donner_froh August 25, 2011 at 1:59 pm

If you think Joe looks bad now (and he does) he will be like the Elephant Man crossed with the Hunchback of Notre Dame after Marcy Kaptur gets finished with him.

He would probably quit the race in shame after shitting himself during the opening five minutes of their first debate.

GunToting[Redacted] August 25, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I had suspected for a while that the GOP was actually an absurdist performance art troop. Now I'm certain of it.

Chet Kincaid August 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm

I looked for an endorsement on Angie's List, but could find no "Joe the Plumber". Voter beware!

Pop_Socket August 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Further evidence that Idiocracy was a documentary.

Beowoof August 25, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Pass the Brawndo and Vodka it is going to be long time till death's sweet sting.

DaRooster August 25, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Thanks Sarah…

Graham Cracker August 25, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I think it is a great idea. The democrats are sure to win the seat, and John Stewart is sure to have great material for the next 15 months.

Beowoof August 25, 2011 at 3:22 pm

You better believe with those 500 people who bought his book, he will be able to raise 10's and 10's of dollars.

Tommmcatt August 25, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Maybe even elevens and elevens!

horsedreamer_1 August 25, 2011 at 3:39 pm

The Spinal Tap endorsement could swing the election.

mrpuma2u August 25, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Ugh when will Joe the Plunger just go away? Is it wrong for me to want him to drink Dran-o?

flamingpdog August 25, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Having dimwit Plumbers running around DC worked so well during the Nixon Administration.

UnionAgitator August 25, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Plumbers are just the ticket for the GOP. They worked out well at the Watergate.

Barrelhse August 25, 2011 at 5:02 pm

How did Helen Keller die?
Joe left the plunger in the toilet.

JustPixelz August 25, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Joe Wilson
Joe Lieberman
Joe Walsh
Joe Barton
Joe Wuzlaelberxkeeslw The Plumber

What's with all the Joe's?

Negropolis August 25, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Samuel has been threatening to run forever. Much like Ms. Palin, he only threatens to run to keep up his (embarrassing) speaking fees.

BTW: "beefcake"? WTF?

BTW x 2: Marcy Kaptur would beat his ass like a rented mule.

mavenmaven August 25, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Will his TV ad start "I am not a plumber, I am just like all of you"?

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