Comatose Dick Cheney Had Lengthy Dream That He Was Caligula

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'Thomas was the ultimate non-fool of Post Neolithic times. As an early Christian, of the apostolic age; he had not seen Jesus but he knew people who had - my God, I'm losing control, here, trying to write this down…'Sometimes there is a Cracker Jack™-style surprise waiting at the very bottom of another inane New York Times feature about the lifestyles and murderous rampages of America’s political leaders. And your beloved former Wonkette editor Jim Newell found just such a weird treat at the end of this bloodthirsty insanity about Dick Cheney bragging how he also wanted to bomb the hell out of Syria’s brown people back in 2007: Cheney was unconscious for weeks and weeks after one of his pig-heart transplants, and during this episode of Half Death he had a long alternate-reality dream that he was some kind of Roman despot stomping back and forth through an Italian villa. His evil goal? To find the stash of coffee and newspapers that Time Demons had deposited somewhere in Ancient Rome.

This reminds us of a lot of things, but none of them are named “Dick Cheney”:

And in the epilogue, Mr. Cheney writes that after undergoing heart surgery in 2010, he was unconscious for weeks. During that period, he wrote, he had a prolonged, vivid dream that he was living in an Italian villa, pacing the stone paths to get coffee and newspapers.

And there’s your Last Weird Paragraph From the NYT post for the night … unless you want to read another pointlessly surrealist paragraph at the end of a New York Times article from today, in which case you can go read this and then have a million nightmares about sodomizing your horse with a “tin cup” while appointing it “Joe Lieberman.” [NYT via Jim Newell]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne