allah is super pissed

God Now Aiming Hurricane Irene Directly At Billionaires’ Mansions In the Hamptons

Congress will probably figure out a way to get Obama to make the hurricane strike working people in Long Island instead, but for the moment the bulls-eye is on the Hamptons. Reuters reports:

According to New York City’s Office of Emergency Management, the last hurricane to pass directly over the city was in 1821 — and it caused tides to rise 13 feet in one hour, flooding all of lower Manhattan to Canal St.

But for Long Island, the threat is much worse. People still talk about the Long Island Express of 1938, a Category 3 storm that the U.S. government has said would cause $40 billion in damage if it hit today.

Meteorologists say the risk appears most acute for areas like the Hamptons, an eastern Long Island playground for New York’s rich.


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  1. GunToting[Redacted]

    Excellent! I heard that Mittens is supposed to be heading to the Hamptons after he's done stalking Barry in Martha's Vineyard.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The main thing to keep in mind is that God continues to deflect rain from Texas.
      Long Island is just collateral damage.

  2. MLHencken

    Dear God,

    Don't forget to crush Lloyd Blankfein's house while you're out there.

    And make sure its the new one, and his "old 14 million dollar dump" on Parsonage Lane in Sagaponack.

    Oh, and might as well obliterate Billy Joel's house too. He's kind of a dick.



    1. MichelesPantalones

      Blankfein just lawyered him up some serious criminal law practitioner. Rumour is he's looking at hard time. So his homes are probably the least of his worries right now.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      NJ's already gotten a pretty good soaking… the water table is about a foot down right now. A hurricane is the last thing they need.

  3. hagajim

    I hope it fucking flattens those assholes…then they can live in the houses the government is selling them for pennies on the dollar.

  4. SmutBoffin

    This is just like Katrina, but in reverse, somehow. (Since it will disproportionally affect whitey?)

    What will Wolf Blitzer say?

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Since white people don't loot, wonder what footage the networks will constantly replay? Oh, I know–Anderson Cooper crying because Buffy can't find her diamond encrusted spatula.

      1. DoktorThompson

        "Since white people don't loot…"

        Where do you think Brad Newell of Sublime got that guitar that he's playing today, hey?

      2. Biel_ze_Bubba

        White people don't loot? Who do you think trashed your IRA, wiped out half of your home equity, and took a half-trillion of your taxes in bailout money?
        (Hint: It wasn't Willie Horton.)

        1. Native_of_SL_UT

          I guess it would be more accurate to say they don't loot after disasters. They loot to cause them.

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Before, during, and after — and they pay themselves gigantic bonuses when they do a particulary good job of it.

      3. MichelesPantalones

        Remember those white people not-looting during Katrina? They were "helping themselves" politely to water and food from a grocery store, right next to crowds of crazed black looters doing exactly the same thing looting.

  5. PuckStopsHere

    Probably a promotional stunt for that ABC series "Revenge". Unless God hates rich people, which he doesn't. Unless they are fags, but that pretty much goes w/out saying.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    Why do you bastards hate capitalists? They're the greatest humans alive because greed is good and they're greedy as fuck all. That's what the most successful cultist of all time (in her mind) Ayn Rand wants us to believe. Besides the Invisible Hand of the free Market will swish that minor breeze away from the producers to the parasites as it should.

  7. Wonderthing

    Do the Rich still have all the cool old shit that's dangerous as hell in their playground, or did they have to put that boring "safe"bright colored plastic shit in when godless politically correct parameciums said so? If so, I wanna go there. I have a raincoat.

  8. widestanceshakedown

    I can hardly wait for the footage of the rich stranded on top of their pool houses for someone to bring them chardonnay, and not the chianti someone thought would be funny for them to drink in an emergency.

    "Oh, look, Muffy SCAVENGED some water crackers, too"

  9. Mumbletypeg

    V’la l’bon vent
    V’la joli vent
    V’la l’bon vent
    M’amie m’appelle
    V’la l’bon vent
    V’la joli vent
    V’la, les asticots:
    Votre Dieu vous attend

    Translation [roughly]: get out pretty people and don't let the wind hit ya where the good Lord split ya

  10. weejee

    If they were real studz they'd be driving to the beach to catch some serious surfin' waves running ahead of the storm. Yee hah !!!

  11. DaRooster

    Good thing we did nothing to help out the folks of Joplin… we're gonna need far more money to rebuild these peoples houses.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Given that this people, of all people, CHOOSE to live in that exact spot, they should be totally on their own. Randian style, baby. On their own.

  12. JoshuaNorton

    Meteorologists say the risk appears most acute for areas like the Hamptons,

    Get those FEMA forms ready and reserve your trailers now folks.

    Obviously needz moar tax cuts, also, too.

          1. mumbly_joe

            There really should be an NYC Wonkmeete, some day. I made it to the one in DC last October, apropos the Daily Show rally thingy, and it ends up, y'all are really cool and fun to hang out with.

            If only people hosted widely attended, but non-racist, idiotic rallies in New York.

          2. Barb

            Mumbly, I LOVE NY! Pick a day and I will be there. We could swarm the Colbert Nation website and snag some tickets for a taping of his show.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Not to us here in the hood, we have few options, sushi, Chinese, Japanese, Indian and really bad pizza and fried chicken.

        1. rahelio

          It pains me that Harlem has no good fried chicken, but in the hinterlands of Bushwick, the only good food around here is Messican and that one falafel place with the weird hours.

          1. Limeylizzie

            The best chicken in Harlem is at a great restaurant called “Native” it is unbelievable, more sauteed than fried but wonderful. Also anything at Amy-Ruth's is fucking amazing.

        2. mumbly_joe

          Over on my side of town, in Messkin Harlem, we have many of the same, as well as some pretty fucking decent pizza (this used to also be Eyetalian Harlem, way back in the day, and Patsy's claims to have been here the whole time).

          And, of course, some of the yummiest tacos and hugest cemitas I've ever had (not a double entendre. much.)

          Sadly, we're sort of lacking with the good fried chicken over in these parts -mostly just KFC and Chinese restaurants, leastways without heading all the way up to 125th.

          1. Limeylizzie

            Which pizza? I am desperate for decent pizza, we can't get any from the UWS and the ones in Harlem are ghastly. I am on 112th and Malcolm X , where are you?

          2. mumbly_joe

            It's a tad far east (I'm on 104th and 2nd), and more of a dine-in place, but 118th and First has Patsy's, which has a cute ongoing feud with the more midtown-oriented Patsy's over which was the original famous Patsy's (they both founded in 1933). Really great pizza, if pretty decidedly thin-crust, and the rest of their food (standard Italian fare) looks amazing, too.

            Honestly, our more standard delivery 'rias aren't too bad over on our side of the tracks, either, I could never understand why my previous roommate would insist on eating Dominoes all the time.

          3. Limeylizzie

            Oh I love the Patsy's in mid-town, so Sinatra-esque-the bad, non-cool Sinatra, the reporter-smacking Sinatra!

  13. Callyson

    Guess who will pay the bill in the end? Hint: not the obscenely rich…
    "If Irene hits Long Island or southeast Massachusetts, the storm has the potential to be a $10 billion disaster," Weather Underground's Jeff Masters said in a blog post Wednesday.
    If Masters is right, that would make the insured losses from Irene some of the worst in history, at a time that insurers are already stretched by record-breaking natural disasters around the world.
    High net worth insurers like AIG (AIG.N) and Chubb (CB.N) are big players in those kinds of upper-class regions…"
    Bailout in 3…2…1…

  14. OneYieldRegular

    Commenting on Wonkette usually takes some effort. And so here I am, trying to come up with some way to respond to this story by pretentiously working in a "Grey Gardens" reference, and what do I find? That Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee and his wife Sally Quinn bought the place.

    My work is done.

  15. BlueStateLibel

    Miserable drought for Texas and the South; earthquake for D.C. and Wall Street; hurricane for the Hamptons. Makes you almost want to believe there is a God.

    1. MichelesPantalones

      That woman's got an impressively flat stomach, compared to K-Lo's normal swinging bag o'lard front butt.

  16. Native_of_SL_UT

    This just goes to prove that God listens to my prayers more than he does Rick Perry's.

    1. fletc3her

      There once was a boy from Nansaugasetfucket
      who tried to bail the mansion with a bucket
      but the hurricane
      washed him down the drain
      Rick Perry can go and suck it.

  17. Pres.Beeblebrox

    Maybe Howard Stern's $60 million Manse at Whateverthefucket will get zapped (that was the one which replaced his $15 million loaner at Westhampton) and he'll actually have to start coming to work 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year and doing a real radio program. I know… he's so pre-millennial, I should be listening to O&A, etc….

  18. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Bill O'Reilly was highly agitated tonight
    Using his show to ask weather questions.
    sure does care a lot about the little people

  19. prommie

    Its also aimed directly at the Prommie's humble abode and my vulnerable and humble yacht docked out back!

Comments are closed.