One thing American God hates nearly as much as poor people and minorities is some liberalz sneaking a Koran inside His national cathedral, which is apparently what happened, and which is also the legal reason (according to the Patriot Act) why God struck the East Coast with a terrible, humiliating earthquake that also toppled His own cathedral tower in His capital city, Washington. Do you doubt this? Well, communist Cuba or whatever is THAT way, so go ahead, enjoy watersports with Hugo Chavez we guess.
A possibly satirical website called “Bare Naked Islam” has this to say, based on Internet Research and Opinion:
On June 26, 2011, the National Cathedral in Washington DC hosted a quran reading and prayer service by an Islamic cleric.
‘CHRISLAM’ at National Cathedral: Imam Mohammed Magid of the Islamic Society of North America holds a Quran during the service.
Today, the National Cathedral was the only building that suffered significant structural damage as a result of the earthquake. The tip of the cathedral’s spire crashed onto the steps on Pilgrim Road. Three of the four pinnacles of the central tower are down, as well. Maybe God is trying to send a message?
Yes He Is! Unfortunately for America, the message is, “Wrong kind of church, infidels! God is a Muslim! Replace this Whore House with a real church, the Muslim kind!” Then Allah laughed and laughed and watched sports on His widescreen while He masturbated. (The “sports” is just American white people being fed to a Toilet Dragon.) [Satiric Racist Blog]
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The National Catherdral is Episcopal, isn't that the same as Islam to the teabaggers anyway?
They let gheys be ministers, so they aren't even real Christians.
Yeah, the Episcopal Presiding bishop is a WOMAN who has a PhD in Oceanography which means she believes in SCIENCE and EVOLUTION and stuff, so obvs not a real Amurrican religion….
awesome, my sort of boss has a Phd In Oceanography but I'm pretty sure she isn't a bishop, too
No that would be the Unitarians who go around burning question marks in people's yards.
Fuck the Teabaggers I love being Episcopalian. 'Catholic Lite' they call us, were just dedicated enough to do the sitting and standing and kneeling stuff, but too lazy to learn Latin and we have football games to watch so service is usually over in like 30 min instead of going on all day long. Also, we kept the booze part, too. And we are open to teh gheys and ladies as well
Amen, mostly, brother.
Don't worry, the Catholics haven't abandoned the booze part. But they saw your divorce and they raised you with child abuse.
Is there a National Mosque somewhere in DC?
I'm an Episco. Or was baptized as one, anyway. We're not real pious. But, it's hard to feel the Holy Light in a denomination formed 'cause some fatass king wanted to divorce his wife.
wouldn't the church of capitalist american god be an actual, literal whore house?
Well, there was the C Street house, listed as a church for IRS purposes, but operating as a brothel.
I thought CHRISLAM was some kinda rasslin' move.
I thunk it was Jesus-hippies talkin' in tongues for 3 minutes onstage at the coffeehouse.
Someone brought a Koran to the Goldman Sachs building? I assume that's what you're talking about when you say "…His national cathedral," are you not?
earthquakes and old stone buildings, how do they work?
About as well as the I-35W bridge and Tim Pawlenty.
Excellent.
Ground moves left, steeple moves right. You can't explain that!
Would never happen to a Baptist church. They require tornadoes.
They work a little bit like magnets.
I think the definition of funny, per Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land," was "when something bad happens to someone else."
Ha ha.
"Tragedy is when I cut my little finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die"–Mel Brooks
So why did the Pentagon get hit? Maybe the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"?
Not to mention Virgina. Was Bob McDonnell too liberal for God?
Also too I think they still let Muslims serve. When will our military take the hint. The hint offered by an undirected, non-specific natural disaster striking at a part of the country that's most likely to believe that it means Space Gandalf is angry at something that other people, somewhere else, and uneffected by said disaster are doing?
If the US Capital building had been damaged, similarly it would have OBVIOUSLY been because one congressman was allowed to swear in with a Koran, even though there's at least a hundred or so Christofascists currently serving in congress and wouldn't that be an even MORE likely cause?
(The answer is no, because earthquakes are not caused by magical space wizards)
Didn't Toilet Dragon open for Billy Idol back in the day?
I 'spect the Westboro people will be outside protesting soon as clearly this proves God hates fags. What other explanation is reasonable? Tectonic shift? Just another librul theory.
I'm told that no DC whorehouses or buildings housing lobbying firms were damaged. How do we interpret that message?
God loves…. Republicans??? Egads, man.
Since Sarah Palin, Rick Perry, Pat Robertson, et al, were not standing on the steps on Pilgrim Road when the spires fell, God was clearly not sending a message.
I've heard about the "Internet", so this research must have some validity.
Today, the National Cathedral was the only building that suffered significant structural damage as a result of the earthquake.
FFS, that's not even true:
After the East Coast earthquake, the National Park Service discovered some cracks at the top of the Washington Monument. “The NPS will have structural engineers evaluate the cracks on Wednesday to determine the best way to repair the Monument before it is reopened,” the National Park Service said. http://www.thestatecolumn.com/articles/east-coast...
Silly Wonkette. Earthquakes are from Kisin.
Whoever runs that website. They're fucking idiots. That's all I got.
What is this "Queer'an" of which you speak?
That's the Holy Book of Homo, wherein lies all the ancient wisdom and secrets surrounding gaydar, fashion-forwardness, and general fabulousity. Plus there are numerous recent spreadsheet appendices showing Rick Perry's, Rick Santorum's, and Lindsey Graham's successes and failures (cross-matched by mode of attempt) at Cobalt and Banana Cafe.
Ah-men!
It's the bible of the Fabulous.
God just wanted to give the Washington DC schoolkids a day off — it's still summer!
But it is still summer; Labor Day has yet to come, school hasn't started yet.
And yet the DC school year has started, and received its first 'snow day'.
well he also wanted to punish union thug teachers at the same time, by not giving them a day off and knocking over the vacuum cleaner.
So… what about all those other places the Quran has been read that remain upright? Oh, they are just yet to be struck down… I get it.
God just wanted
http://sahinnparadisegelenekselramazancoskusu.net...
That's why we are not covered by Acts of God on insurance… so they can say,"Well, you may have read something other then the Bible once… so… you're on your own."
Certain acts of God, anyway. Quakes? No. Water main breaks and floods house because of a quake? Yes. Hurricanes? No. Trees that fall on your house because of a hurricane? Yes. Floods? No. Wind-driven water that floods your house as a result of a 'cane? Depends on how hard State Farm feels like fighting you.
Insurance is fundamentally fucked up.
Strange, they didn't publish my question: Why is God angry at the Washington Monument and the 70 schools in Virginia that had to close due to quake damage?
Eric Cantor?
Bob McDonnell?
Cantor. He's a shonda fur die goyim.
The National Cathedral fell down because it was ancient and not earthquake proof – and also because it is an enclave for those demon Masons.
I thought that was what the weird-ass terraced "Washington National Masonic Monument" in Alexandria was for. That place just screams Stonecutter Conclave.
OT but, heard a drunk guy at the tables a couple weeks ago going about why JFK was murdered, what "They" learned from the UFO's, and who controls the monetary system, yet he was stuck playing $1-2 No Limit Hold Em. His epic mouthing of the diatribe was "Alex Jones is a sellout!"
Don't know why this just jumped back to the front of my brain, but I'm sharing anyway.
Dude, are you at the Lucky Eagle?
Ha! Not for that beauty, though it would not have surprised me if I had heard it there. South Texas and all that…
Another reason to be very afraid.
Whoever came up with the term CHRISLAM should have a steeple dropped on them by the ghosts of Noah Webster and Samuel Johnson.
I dunno. Seems to me the War God hates Virginia.
It is for lovers after all
And why the Washington Monument? Oh yeah even though he told the truth about the deed he did chop down his dad's cherry tree.
bad news admin http://sahinnparadisegelenekselramazancoskusu.net...
Oh yes — this is exactly like those biblical incidents where Yahweh causes an army to invade Judea and lay waste to the land because her kings defiled the Temple with idols of foreign deities. Except of course that temple was the only temple in Judaism, and since Judea was stuck between several large empires it was always getting tracked up by invading armies anyway, and in reality the other gods in the temple were gifts from allies or empires collecting tribute, and Judea was actually safer during those times than they were when they expelled all the idols and offended their allies and neighbors, but the writers at the time went and conflated the history to suit their perspective.
Of course, ever since Paul started preaching to the Gentiles, Christianity shed Judaism's ethnic and social insularity — as has Judaism — but that was only some 2,000 years ago, so news probably hasn't gotten to the folks at BareNakedIslam. Someone should break it to them gently.
Not to mention that archaeologists have found lots of other temples and shrines, papyri speaking of 4-5 gods, etc., etc.
Every time you haz buttseks, God condemns a church.
OK, Wonketteers, I want to hear some slappin' and some moanin', and some other sounds not yet named after slimy politicians.
Damn, widestance, at least let me get home, pet the dogs, and fix dinner first.
Are those euphemisms?
Those aren't spires, they're minarets, obvs.
Quick, some Mosque host a conference on Islanity
Islanity. Home run.
Pfff… the gays/LIEbruls/Muslims/tax hikes did it. Been there, done that. Someone let me know when something actually significant happens.
Just pick one and stick with it, all right?? Sheesh.
You know, it's really a shame about the National Cathedral. It's a beautiful church. It's a really good example of Episcopal architecture and church dynamics.
I'm an unashamed Episcopalian. I actually rejoined the church as an adult precisely because they ordained women and gays and had a social conscience and all the rest of that liberal crap.
My Sunday school class routinely has readings from the Guardian, London Times, NYT, Yale seminars, in addition to Biblical quotes. The discussions are open, free-ranging, and full of disagreement, but almost always expressed with the kind of civility that has departed Washington since the Nixon era.
It can actually be a really cool church, once you get past the fact that 50-plus % of "Christians" have no idea what you are, and don't accept you as a being of equal worth and capable of salvation.
Hear, hear.
Anyway, don't worry. The building still isn't finished even before this happened.
Yes, it's kind of like the medieval European cathedrals that way, isn't it?
I lived walking distance to the Cathedral years ago- it had really nice gardens . Also despite being Jewish- I was really impressed by the different embroidered kneelers that women of the church had made for the different chapels(I did embroidery back then too). Also a great Herb garden/business(but maybe that is gone- this was the 70's/80's)
Me, too. Used to live at Wisconsin/McComb and went to the gardens and to hear the great music and Christmas and Easter.
has anyone blamed Obama yet?
Did God have to do a trial run on Colorado first?
…Toilet Dragon?
Looks like this "Bare Naked Islam" comedy site has possibilities. Check out this headline:
"Brazil: Soon the Girl From Ipanema Will Have to Wear a Bag On Her Head".
Jack, is that you?
Only a teatard Gawd would be so dumb and hateful as to cut off his own spires to spite his face. Or something.
With a hurricane on its way to the eastern coast and an earthquake already in the crazy bank, I'm thinking this is a field day for Pat Robertson. Who knows what kind of winger theory he's going to come up with?
Oh, I love Barenaked Islam's "If I Had A Million Riyals"
♪♫ If I had a million riyals, I'd buy you a green burqa (but not a real green burqa that's cruel) ♫♪
Did they ever cover Blue Suede Shoes to Throw at the President?
"Today, the National Cathedral was the only building that suffered significant structural damage as a result of the earthquake."
America's Penis and the Pentagon don't count as buildings?
The only thing God really hates is slow news days, apparently.
God's message was: Let's get out of here and go buy a deep-fried cheeseburger, a mountain of onion rings smothered in mayo and drink a lot of beer.
We're all comunislamics now.
I thought the earthquake was because Obama was on vacation.
Obama being on vacation and all may not have caused this earthquake, but I'm pretty sure he's still black.
Wouldn't the causal relationship have been more compelling if God had rocked the Cathedral while the Imam was still in it?
So was this post a mistake or did you mean to post the previous two posts under "Wonkette Junior"?
Please Wonkette Jr.,or whoever is responsible for composing headlines, while acceptable usage is continually evolving, SNUCK still grates like Sarah Palin's nails on a teleprompter.
catapult propaganda
Bare Naked Islam
David Horowitz
Pamela Geller
Marco Rubio
Glenn Beck
Allen West
Rick Perry
Karl Rove
Murdoch
Episcopal=High Baptist. Where Baptists go to church after making their second Million.
How dada.
Why are we getting Turkish spam? Is there a Wonkette enclave over there that I don't know about?
And since when has spam been halal?
Funny… I have not clicked on any of these links, but when I breeze past them I've read the name as some version of SaraPalinParadise…
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