CRAZY PEOPLE  1:53 pm August 24, 2011

Jon Huntsman Surprised By GOP Candidates All Being Insane Idiots

by Ken Layne

Barack Obama’s Republican ambassador to China, Jon Huntsman, would like to continue the Bush-Obama presidencies by becoming president in 2012. But that requires running as the GOP’s Republican, since the Democrats already have one who is also the incumbent, so Huntsman has been quite surprised to find out that his fellow 2012 candidates are a bunch of dangerous mental patients:

The Salt Lake Tribune reports on Hunstman describing his shock while speaking to his five Republican supporters:

“This is an interesting experience, for those of you who haven’t run for president,” he said. “You stand up on the stage in the debate like we did the other night and look around and say, “Whoa, where’d these folks come from? What an interesting assortment of characters!”

Just hang in there, Jon! Running against Obama after he appointed you ambassador is a time-tested way to get Obama to give you an even sweeter job! Welcome to the vice president’s residence, Jon! [Salt Lake Tribune]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 71 comments }

Barb August 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm

"What an interesting assortment of characters"
Yeah, it's like the cantina scene from Star Wars.

emmelemm August 24, 2011 at 2:04 pm

A wretched hive of scum and villainy FTW!

Fukui_sanYesOta August 25, 2011 at 3:15 am

hehe, you got far more p than me for that phrase!

Win all the way

emmelemm August 31, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Long forgotten comment trail: I should have hat-tipped you. Many thanks.

karen August 24, 2011 at 3:15 pm

"I'll have the Penne alla Arrabiata."
"You'll need a tray."
"Do you know who I am?"
"Do you know who I am?"
"This is not a game of who the fuck are you."

FakaktaSouth August 24, 2011 at 3:30 pm

This one's wet, this one's wet, this one's wet…

SorosBot August 24, 2011 at 3:40 pm

"He doesn't like you. I don't like you either."

littlebigdaddy August 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Needz moar Wookies.

Come here a minute August 24, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Huntsman found the Chinese version of one-party-rule so inspiring that he wants to keep it going here at home.

hagajim August 24, 2011 at 2:04 pm

You can tell Johnny has been in China too long…he didn't realize his party is now part of the lunatic fringe.

SorosBot August 24, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Who?

MARCdMan August 24, 2011 at 2:08 pm

The one that believes in global warming, evolution and reasonable compromise government. Don't worry, he won't get 5% of the vote.

DaRooster August 24, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Hey… at least you didn't yawn or throw up in your mouth… so he's got that going for him.

One_who_wanders August 24, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Dear John;

It is pretty much crazy all the way down. Ask McCain, even he thinks so.

The other sane person in the GOP

Pop_Socket August 24, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Which is a very frightening thought.

RedneckMuslin August 24, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Its all relative but he was the one that unleashed the snowbilly on the populace.

nounverb911 August 24, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Has Huntsman announced for 2016 yet?

widestanceshakedown August 24, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I thought he was supposed to be The Smart One. How long was he in a coma?

edgydrifter August 24, 2011 at 2:20 pm

"What an interesting assortment of characters" is Huntsman's native Diplomatese. The English translation is "Holy fuck–what a freak show."

ManchuCandidate August 24, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Jon Huntsman even speaks Mandarin aka Chinee (in Teabagese.)

He would be one who could give Barry a hard time in the general election, but thanks to Teabaggers preference for dipshits that's not gonna happen.

Not_So_Much August 24, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Let's have it boil down to he and Ron Paul. That would make the Teabagger's heads blow up real good…

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Michele has now slipped to the very bottom of the list, barely registering 10%, so it looks like Paul, Romney, and Perry will be duking this out.

GOPCrusher August 24, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Oh cmon now. Don't count Michele out so soon. Of course, when Bible Spice throws her hat into the ring over Labor Day weekend, it will be all over for all the other GOP candidates.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Uhh..didn't Jon raise his hand when asked about the ruinous ten to one cuts to revenue ratio? And raising your hand implied that NO, not even this was good enough? I thought so.

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Jon Huntsman is a wolf in sheep's clothing, I'm afraid. Looks nice, acceptable, seems rational — but loves the Ryan Plan (embraced it before most of the GOP), thinks an end to Medicare/Medicaid is the only thing that will save the US (not reform — END), believes polluters should regulate themselves, and doesn't want tax increases for billionaires like himself. Google "Huntsman, Odessa, TX" to find out more about this candidate.

SorosBot August 24, 2011 at 3:42 pm

He seemed reasonable at the last debate, until he suddenly started spouting off about "the tyranny of the EPA." Then he sounded like a Republican again.

Pop_Socket August 24, 2011 at 3:52 pm

He's only sane when compared to the competition. It's like being the prettiest girl at fat camp.

arihaya August 24, 2011 at 2:23 pm

"Welcome to the vice president’s residence, Jon!"

Joe Biden is not amused

elviouslyqueer August 24, 2011 at 2:23 pm

“Whoa, where’d these folks come from? What an interesting assortment of characters!”

*runs quote through Google Translate from Diplomatese to English*

"Jesus fucking CHRIST on a unicycle, the fuck? What rock did this bunch of batshit, magic-pantied, pepperoni-reeking, boybutt-infatuated motherfuckers crawl out from under? Man, talk about a goddamn freak show of epic fucking FAIL!"

nappyduggs August 24, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Yours said that too? I thought my Google was going all Maxine Waters on me.

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Wow, you speak Diplomatese really well!

zhubajie August 24, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Remember, H. also wears magic panties! Probably his time in BJ was his required tour of missionary duty!

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 24, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Huntsman is so cute. Can we keep him?

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Only if you get him neutered and promise to clean up his poopy.

Mahousu August 24, 2011 at 3:10 pm

No, we can't. I think that's the point.

baconzgood August 24, 2011 at 2:44 pm

“Whoa, where’d these folks come from? What an interesting assortment of characters!”

-Baconzgood after volunteering at the soup kitchen-

nappyduggs August 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Today we are all the toothless,shit-smelling, mentally unstable poors you see at the soup kitchen.

DaRooster August 24, 2011 at 2:45 pm

"…Huntsman has been quite surprised to find out that his fellow 2012 candidates are a bunch of dangerous mental patients"

That's part of the problem. With the clamping down on funds… not enough new patients are being accepted.

bureaucrap August 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm

actually that explains a LOT about the republican electoral pool in general.

SorosBot August 24, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Thanks, Ronald Reagan!

BaldarTFlagass August 24, 2011 at 2:49 pm

How long exactly was he over there in China? 20 years?

johnnyzhivago August 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm

"What an interesting assortment of characters"…. Isn't USAnetwork always advertising "characters wanted" – maybe they could all find jobs there and forget about running for president.

KenLayIsAlive August 24, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Then he really hasn't been paying much attention to anything.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 24, 2011 at 2:54 pm

The word “Interesting” can have many meanings. In Jon’s case I think he means clueless.

Goonemeritus August 24, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Maybe if the Democratic Party goes far enough right the only way the Republicans will have to be reactionary will be to go hard left.

rahelio August 24, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Was that the 11th dimensional chess game they were talking about?

DashboardBuddha August 24, 2011 at 3:08 pm

The definition of diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell is such a way that he looks forward to the trip. The corollary of this is telling someone that he is bugfuck crazy in such a way that he thinks you find him interesting.

DashboardBuddha August 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm

If he thinks he's surprised now, just wait until the Great Unwashed votes one of these rodeo clowns in . (Hint: John? It won't be you.)

Tommmcatt August 24, 2011 at 3:10 pm

It is a sad day when a reactionary like John Huntsman, however soft-spoken, looks around him and finds himself squarely in the middle of the spectrum.

GhostBuggy August 24, 2011 at 3:12 pm

I'm torn. I want to believe Jon Huntsman is semi-normal and intelligent. However, the very idea that he'd attempt to win the nomination of the Party of Death and Insanity at Any Cost casts doubt on that.

Mahousu August 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm

On a related note, James Warren is trying out for a Wonkette editor position: It wasn't until I saw a horribly overweight man gorging himself over the breakfast buffet at a Grand Rapids, Michigan hotel on Sunday that I understood the fallacy behind all the hand-wringing over the Republican presidential field.

As he waddled to his table with two apparent Guinness Book of World Records-sized plates of food, including a stack of sausage and bacon nearly blocking the light from a nearby bank of windows, I realized that voters are being fed what they want to eat.

Maman August 24, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Aren't we all?

poncho_pilot August 24, 2011 at 3:24 pm

"Whoa, where’d these folks come from? What an interesting assortment of characters!”
http://www.myvideo.de/watch/127096/Star_Trek_TOS_

FakaktaSouth August 24, 2011 at 3:33 pm

When the guy who believes in magic panties and salamanders with golden plates of wisdom from Missouri Jesus is calling you weird, you are probably pretty fucking weird.

Callyson August 24, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Making what appears to be a reference to his sluggish campaign, Huntsman writes off August as a "dead month" and says that next month he expects things to pick up. "The drama of today is temporary, it's ephemeral and it passes," he said.
Yes, I do wish the freak show that is the Republican presidential nominee field would pass by…

Dr_Zoidberg August 24, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Don't go breaking my heart, Jon Huntsman, by being a GOP candidate that acts all normal. I was burned by McCain…I won't be burned again.

Pop_Socket August 24, 2011 at 4:00 pm

In an election between Huntsman and Obama, most people would vote for the conservative. Sorry, Jon.

SayItWithWookies August 24, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Facts really are dangerous things — Huntsman espoused them, and look what's happened to his campaign.

Tr0tt0 August 24, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I wouldn't be surprised to find that after the primary Jon Huntsman removes his rubber mask to reveal that he was Ross Perot attempting to syphon off all the lunatic-fringe-centrist Republican votes. Spoiler: there ain't any.

DerrickWildcat August 24, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Pandering to the sane Republican voter will get you nowhere fast.

Texan_Bulldog August 24, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Isn't this the dude who said he'd be Bachmann's VP? Pot–meet Kettle.

randcoolcatdaddy August 24, 2011 at 4:34 pm

"What an interesting assortment of characters!"

I said the same thing. But it also included some four letter words.

fuflans August 24, 2011 at 5:59 pm

that's ok. when rickie's president, he'll charge this pansy ass with treason and send him to gitmo.

Comrade Wingtard August 24, 2011 at 6:57 pm

You know who else had an interesting assortment of characters?

CalamityJames August 24, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Not gonna lie. I like this guy. Seriously, should he win the nomination (hahahaha), I would have to actually put in some real thought before next November.

Now, feel free to throw all his faults at me so I can laugh and point at our current "liberal" pres.

mumbly_joe August 24, 2011 at 8:03 pm

"What an interesting assortment of characters!" is the new "Bless their hearts."

Negropolis August 24, 2011 at 10:04 pm

And, yet, despite his newfound bitchiness, his actual, stated policy positions that he's chosen as a presidential candidate aren't all that appreciably different than many of his opponents.

Huntsman is a hypocrite, a bold hypocrite, at that. The more I hear from him, the less I like of him, because he's been taking the Romney route to the nomination (which will fail), and that's essentially to try and have everything both ways.

znmeb August 25, 2011 at 12:00 am

Huntsman's "strategy" of pretending to be the sane one in a field of lunatics is likely to place him dead last in fundraising. The "centrists" will vote for Obama and Perry and Bachmann will duke it out for the nominations. I'm guessing Bachmann will take the Iowa caucuses, Romney will take New Hampshire if he hasn't run out of money, and Perry will take the nomination.

I like Huntsman but he's going to lose. He'll probably have to drop out before the end of the year. It's about fundraising, and Perry has a clear advantage.

webfootedfriend August 25, 2011 at 4:38 am

He is just another slimy weasel.

ttommyunger August 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

"Get on the Crazy Train or get left behind, John!" Whoops, too late.

DahBoner August 25, 2011 at 2:53 pm

"Jon Huntsman Surprised By GOP Candidates All Being Insane Idiots"

God, I hate it when the drugs wear off before the orgy is over….

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