Symbolic Washington Monument Symbolically 'Closes Indefinitely'

Just weeks after the American government made its surprise announcement that the Statue of Liberty would be closing for many years, yesterday's earthquake in Washington D.C. has led to the "indefinite closure" of the iconic Washington Monument. The marble phallus would have to topple over in an aftershock to provide a more fitting visual narrative for the nation's collapse.

The  Washington Informer reports:  

Washington Monument Closes Indefinitely

The Washington Monument remained closed on Aug. 24 as engineers studied ways to repair cracks at the top of the capital's iconic structure -- one day after a rare 5.8-magnitude East Coast earthquake.

Reported sightings of "giant vultures" circling the Capitol this afternoon could not be confirmed as of press time. [ Washington Informer ]