AT LEAST DIE LAUGHING  1:15 pm August 24, 2011

Texas GOP Candidate Talks Sense to Actual Crowd of Donkeys (GET IT?)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

If you can get past the fact that GOP Texas congressional candidate Roger Williams is trying to talk patriotism into a horde of dim, braying livestock animals as though they were godless socialist human welfare recipients, this campaign ad is rather fun. Who doesn’t love stupid donkey videos?? The staggering quantity of boring, hack political ads that envelope Earth during election season is an icy Europa subsurface ocean-sized brain freeze strong enough to put everyone into a thousand-year coma, is all we are saying. But where is this “United States of France” he is talking about located?

Haha, nowhere. But we have heard of “France,” some country with an “elitist social safety net” and fields of high-quality booze-growing plants that we will be visiting if Rick Perry wins the presidential election. Oh well, we appreciate absurdism as much as the next guy!

Seriously, just saying, this is at least humorous. Remember the time Mitt Romney made a video about driving around bombed-out Detroit to remind America that it is living through civilizational Apocalypse? Stupid donkeys or Apocalypse? YOU DECIDE THE WAY YOU ABORT YOUR BRAIN. That is Democracy, in 2011. [YouTube]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 96 comments }

ManchuCandidate August 24, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Why does he talk down to his supporters?*

*Yeah, I get the "symbolism" but it seems more like psychological projection here considering the general jackassery of much of the GOP. Of course, a counter commercial is this:
http://justsickshit.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/0

To summarize how Demrats and sane people feel cleaning up GOPer shit.

bumfug August 24, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Meh. Get back to me when a donkey kicks this stupid fuck to death.

mookwrthwilson August 24, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Or when he fucks the donkey…

Callyson August 24, 2011 at 3:36 pm

That one donkey with the teeth could claw him to death. I'd settle for that.

BaldarTFlagass August 24, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Did this guy move here from Alabama?

MLite August 24, 2011 at 2:06 pm

No, he's not brandishing a gun. Subtle differences.

James Michael Curley August 24, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Where's Kortney? This is a Republican ad, right?

Chillwaver August 24, 2011 at 1:18 pm

From what I heard, they also have "Donkey Whisperer" shows in Tijuana.

user-of-owls August 24, 2011 at 1:41 pm

The do, actually! They give out plastic raincoats to everyone in the first three rows. Sorta like a Gallagher show. Actually, quite a bit like a Gallagher show now that I think about it.

nounverb911 August 24, 2011 at 1:19 pm

"Francis the Talking Mule" is running for Congress?

SmutBoffin August 24, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Makes sense to me…does it to ewes?

Sorry. And yes, I know ewes are sheep, but I did it anyway. Sorry.

Crank_Tango August 24, 2011 at 1:30 pm

ass libel!

Fare la Volpe August 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Damn you, stealing my line a full 14 minutes before me. This is just like the time you killed my father. EXACTLY like that.

DashboardBuddha August 24, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Funny vid…but this one shows better what the GOP wants to do to us:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/819583/donkey_tries

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Oh, yes. That's a LOT more like it. Think I'll send this to him.

Grief_Lessons August 24, 2011 at 1:20 pm

This is not bad. I await the one where a pack of elephants stampedes over a phalanx of poor people and then use their surprisingly sensitive and agile trunks to suck off Rush Limbaugh.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2011 at 1:34 pm

God I hope someone from the DNC reads Wonkett. I'm still laughing.

Limeylizzie August 24, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I am snorting like a fucking pig, I have tears running down my face, you, sir or madam, have made my day.

johnnyzhivago August 24, 2011 at 1:22 pm

I thought Twitter was a better way to reach lots of jackasses?

ManchuCandidate August 24, 2011 at 1:34 pm

SarahPac.com

Boredw/Gravitas August 24, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Braying ass talking to braying asses. Works for me.

EatsBabyDingos August 24, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I will go talk to a pile of rocks.

weejee August 24, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Mick, Keef, Charlie, & Ronnie?

prommie August 24, 2011 at 1:26 pm

He's no real republican. There's hardly any racism. Its a cute ad.

weejee August 24, 2011 at 1:33 pm

But none of the donkeys was wearing pearls. Where was Pelosi??

Buckminster August 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Might not be the first Philistine to be slain by the jawbone of an ass.

And yes, I'm referring to Roger Williams' jawbone.

user-of-owls August 24, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Hey, everybody has a bad day once in a while. Give him another chance and he'll use that donkey in a way that will reaffirm your faith in his (and his cohort's) venality.

metamarcisf August 24, 2011 at 1:26 pm

The video depicts legislative hopeful Roger Williams twisting the face of current Texas congressman Louie Gohmert. Where's the joke?

BaldarTFlagass August 24, 2011 at 1:28 pm

sotto voce
Pssst. Mr. Williams. C'mere, I need to tell you something.
You're a fucking idiot.

BornInATrailer August 24, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I might vote for him if he'd had the stones to call it the Ass Whisperer.

Lascauxcaveman August 24, 2011 at 1:29 pm

“France,” some country with an “elitist social safety net” and fields of high-quality booze-growing plants

Lets all dance our way to France, where the booze grows on plants and the girls wear no pants.

widestanceshakedown August 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm

We bought a lovely home adjacent to the hole in the wall where the men can see it all.

user-of-owls August 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Needs some snake charmer music, but otherwise, quite nice, yes, quite nice indeed.

mog253 August 25, 2011 at 9:54 am

And do the hoochie dance, I believe.

fartknocker August 24, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Where in the hell do we find these people in my state? The last person I want to see on my electronic voting machine is some rancher from Weatherford, TX who is as stupid as Ted Poe and as useless as Kay Bailey Bellyflop Hutchinson.

The sad thing is that he'll get elected and he won't do one fucking thing other than pet his donkeys.

James Michael Curley August 24, 2011 at 1:34 pm

But he owns an American Truck. No wait that's a Fiat.

Graham Cracker August 24, 2011 at 2:36 pm

…or scratch his asses.

zhubajie August 24, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Maybe screw them?

HistoriCat August 25, 2011 at 7:49 am

Mainly he just makes out with them.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 24, 2011 at 1:30 pm

You can see that the donkeys are deeply embarassed by this.

Crank_Tango August 24, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I'm not watching unless someone can tell me at what exact point in the video he jerks off the donkey.

x111e7thst August 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Screw that. I ain't watching unless he blows a donkey.

SorosBot August 24, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Like Mickey Kaus, he has not denied that he blows them.

Fare la Volpe August 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm

0:00-1:35

widestanceshakedown August 24, 2011 at 1:46 pm

The donkey is only there to lift his luggage, nothing more.

fuflans August 24, 2011 at 1:30 pm

the funny part is, we think they're asses too and we're still going to vote for them.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Holy shit. What an ass's ass.

hagajim August 24, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Needs moar laser eyes!

weejee August 24, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Muley foolie.

Buckminster August 24, 2011 at 1:36 pm

"Saddle me yon braying ass."

Yes, I'm referring to Roger Williams.

Radiotherapy® August 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm

This makes just as much sense as a "Donkey Points" video.

Fare la Volpe August 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Donkey dung smells bad. Elephant dung will kill you.

LettucePrey August 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Isn't this the guy who invented Rhode Island?

user-of-owls August 24, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Whoa, vegetable girl, stand back on the Rhodies. They'll cut you baby, cut you real bad. Meanest motherfuckers in the Republic. Ask around.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Dear tardin' wingnuts,

If you hate me so much, please leave me alone and go and pursue another form of income.

luv,
The Gubb'mint.

Terry August 24, 2011 at 1:38 pm

At least he's just chatting with the donkeys. He could have gone all Jackie Sherrell on the animals.

elviouslyqueer August 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Lemme see here: which one of those jackasses was the one who used to be a political crony of Bush, and served as Texas Secretary of State before resigning to open up a car dealership so that he could directly benefit from Cash for Clunkers even though he was opposed to the program? (Hint: it's not one of the four-legged ones.)

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Wow, that braying jackass sure does have him a lotta nerve.

EatsBabyDingos August 24, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Trailor for sale or rent
Need to get 'mo money from the gobbermint
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the Roids

Not_So_Much August 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Keep fuckin' that donkey, Roger.

ThundercatHo August 24, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Donkeys are very cute but this guy is still a dipshit.

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2011 at 1:45 pm

OT sorta but I was desperate for good news. Maybe I can get behind this gubernatorial candidate. Poised to make headway in Mississippi; all that's standing between him and victory is a contender currently holding office as well as a 3.1+ million dollar (so far) campaign purse.

elviouslyqueer August 24, 2011 at 1:49 pm

HELLZ YES. And I voted for him too (twice, actually; in the primary and in the runoff).

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 24, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Why do I keep thinking of Pinocchio and how all of the bad boys were turned into donkeys, given hoverounds, and joined the Tea Party?

user-of-owls August 24, 2011 at 1:50 pm

And this is why we can't have pretty things

toomtabard August 24, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Hey, donkey. What's goin' on? You're a donkey, I like that. You eat apples, right? I produce Entourage. Okay, talk to you later, donkey.

MiniMencken August 24, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I guess this here Roger Williams never metaphor he didn't like.

Maman August 24, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Vive "fields of high-quality booze-growing plants" !

Goonemeritus August 24, 2011 at 2:01 pm

“It’s a lot easier to feed elephants than donkeys”

If that were true than why was the vast majority of the debt incurred under Republican administrations?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 24, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Don't elephants also eat a considerable amount more than donkeys? One could rightly say they're a bottomless pit, consuming far more than nearly ALL of their animals cousins.

genxr August 24, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Elephants eat a lot more and shit a lot more. Then they panic and trample everything.

Sue4466 August 24, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Sounds about right then.

Kakkeltje August 24, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I found that rather confusing. Sane people would rather feed 50 donkeys than 50 elephants…

With some thinking I realised he meant he would rather feed 1 elephant than 50 donkeys. He could then feed the elephant the hay of the 50 donkeys and tear down the 50 donkey stalls, to build one giant luxury housing for the elephant.

The donkeys can be left in the small paddock where the elephant manure gets dumped. Now it is important to feed the elephant really well, because the donkeys have to get their nutrients from the elephant dung dumnped in their paddock. The more you feed the elephant, the more nutrients may or may not trickle down to the donkeys.

owhatever August 24, 2011 at 2:26 pm

His media handler gets points for originality. But there was one jackass too many in that commercial. And the way he was fondling the mules with tenderness, talking softly into the big ears, mooning into the big eyes, looked sort of a like a Saturday night date, Texas style. Marriage may follow.

PuckStopsHere August 24, 2011 at 3:34 pm

So, it turns out Santorum was right. Wrong animal, is all. He was talking about man-on-do(g)nkey sex.

Ducksworthy August 24, 2011 at 2:27 pm

But where's the consummation of this donkey porn? I hate it when the video ends before the money shot.

smitallica August 24, 2011 at 2:30 pm

"I try to talk sense to these guys but they just don't listen."

Maybe it's your dumbfuck hick accent, asshole.

genxr August 24, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Huh. Huh. Libruls is so stoopid. Ah get it.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 24, 2011 at 2:33 pm

This idea could really backfire if some Dem candidate with balls created a video where he tries to reason with an elephant who stupidly stares back, before stampeding into a crowd of people, causing blind destruction in its path, after which it has to be put out of its misery for the safety and health of the general populace.

poncho_pilot August 24, 2011 at 3:07 pm

i don't want to say anything mean about elephants. so i'll say this…much like real elephants, republicans are possibly as nearly intelligent as regular people.

in nature however, real elephants have helped injured humans by taking them to safety and guarding them from predators till other humans showed up.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 24, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Yeah, elephants are pretty loyal too. I am really an ele-phan (geddit?!).

But consider, this guy is disparaging a class of creature that helped build the country through hard work and shear force on our farms and factories. That's pretty representative of the pols turning their spineless backs on the working-class who helped make the US successful. Either way, the spot is a stupid metaphor that will resonate with ignorant illiterates.

poncho_pilot August 24, 2011 at 3:42 pm

agreed on all points.

and now for another pun. i think it's unfair to elephants that the R's chose them. as for the D's choice?

Donkey? Otay.

although that may be a more appropriate mascot for those of us who consider ourselves liberals before (or regardless of voting) Democrat.

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Thanks. Innocent animals don't need to be caught up in this very human bullshit.

Pat_Pending August 24, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Needs a rooster and a hen, so he can say, 'can you hold my cock and pullet, while I scratch my ass'

Sorry. No, really. I'm sorry I remembered this stupid joke from my childhood. No one got it entirely.

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:43 pm

It's awful. I wonder whom I can tell it to?

Sue4466 August 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Didn't a donkey cary Mary to Bethlehem? Why does this guy hate Jesus?

Tommmcatt August 24, 2011 at 3:03 pm

If this guy were a real Republican this would be a porn clip with a wetsuit and a 14-year-old boy along with the Donkey.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING, dammit!

poncho_pilot August 24, 2011 at 3:15 pm

whycome the donkeys don't have Red Eyes?

MichelesPantalones August 24, 2011 at 3:19 pm

They can hear you just fine, you dumbass. They're just too smart to listen to another ass like themselves.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 24, 2011 at 3:27 pm

WE SHOLD STARV ENTITLED DONKIES!!1!!

Callyson August 24, 2011 at 3:43 pm

"It's a lot easier to feed elephants than donkeys"
Yeah–but it's a lot harder to clean up the mess they leave behind afterwards…

Guppy06 August 24, 2011 at 3:59 pm

My takeaway is that he wants to sell everyone to the tanners for a nice mint without having to pay for any upkeep.

Limeylizzie August 24, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Oh I love donkeys, but this man seems like an idiot. What are the poor donkeys supposed to do? Build their own barn?

ProudLibunatic August 24, 2011 at 6:02 pm

The donkeys look like the smart ones in this video.
And they are WAY cute!
I want one!

riceroni August 25, 2011 at 3:01 am

Remember this is the same fucktard who took stimulus funds to pay himself.

ttommyunger August 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Did not notice the Candidate, all looked like Jackasses to me. BTW, what is it with these Rightards and their animals?

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