SO CLOSE THAT TIME  2:20 pm August 23, 2011

BREAKING: God Tries To Swallow Godless East Coast With Earthquake

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Haha, Rick Perry’s prayers ALMOST WORKED THAT TIME. A magnitude 5.9 earthquake originating in Virginia tried to shake apart the East Coast, including godless gay liberal New York and just plain godless Washington. Your very own Wonkette felt this crazy-long quake but automatically assumed it was just the giant trucks passing by the ramshackle hovel called home yet again. We are still here, neener! You will have to try harder next time, God and Rick Perry.

From ABC News:

A 5.9 earthquake struck in Virginia Tuesday afternoon and was felt up and down the east coast.

The Pentagon and Capitol Building were evacuated as a precaution.

The quake struck 94 miles away from Mineral, Virginia, and was felt in New York City.

Government buildings in the city, including City Hall, were evacuated. The 26-story federal courthouse in lower Manhattan began swaying and hundreds of people were seen leaving the building. Court officers weren’t letting people back in.

Lord & Taylor on Fifth Avenue was also evacuated.

[ABC News]

 
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{ 172 comments }

Barb August 23, 2011 at 2:22 pm

It's just an appetizer for hurricane Irene that's heading for the east coast. Good luck, suckers!

bumfug August 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Loosen up the buildings so the category 4 storm can finish them off! I was just telling my sister in Williamsburg, VA how great the weather is here in L.A. and she came back at me with the old "at least we don't have earthquakes" line. Time for *sad trombone sound*!

Barb August 23, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I'm waiting for my sister to tell me that the hurricane is going to cause everyone in Mobile, AL to get a government check. She posted on Facebook that welfare recipients should be drug tested before they get their checks. I told her that people from Mobile, who collect the "oh shit, it's raining" checks should be DNA tested before FEMA gives them a second thought.

imissopus August 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

My parents live in Norfolk, an hour south of Williamsburg, and my mom always give me the "Hurricanes are less scary because we can see them coming" line. It took me a good decade after moving to L.A. to convince her she didn't need to call me in a panic because CNN reported a 3.0 mildly shook a few buildings here. That just means CNN is having a slow news day.

DaRooster August 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Sure they can see them coming… for days… but they stay there anyway (most of 'em)…

ArmoredLibunatic August 23, 2011 at 3:24 pm

3.0? Around here, we confuse those for someone slamming a door really, really hard.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I didn't know anyone ever reported on earthquakes below, I dunno, 5?

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Taps.

Rarian Rakista August 23, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Quakicane bitches!

nounverb911 August 23, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Needs more Tsunamis.

facehead August 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Atlas Shrugged.

nounverb911 August 23, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Atlas Shooked!

MLHencken August 23, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Atlas tebagged.

johnnymeatworth August 23, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Atlas Farted.

nounverb911 August 23, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Chris Christie Farted?

johnnymeatworth August 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Yeah, without getting permission from Monty Python first.

Rarian Rakista August 23, 2011 at 5:46 pm
ThankYouJeebus August 23, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Sago frakked.

BaldarTFlagass August 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Fucking global warming.

nounverb911 August 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Eric Cantor immediately demanded federal disaster aid from Obama, even though the people of Joplin, MO. are still on their own.

horsedreamer_1 August 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm

The other window in not Cantor's office cracked.

Now, he knows how Denise Mc Nair felt.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Truly. It might have rained on Cantor's coif. Now he knows just how those flood victims in China feel!

soojank August 23, 2011 at 2:27 pm

haha, uh, ABC? it was a few miles from Mineral, VA. 80something miles from DC… so that's probably close…

Pragmatist2 August 23, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Locusts are next.

Nothingisamiss August 23, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Today I have not yet been felt up and down on my East coast.

Geminisunmars August 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Does it have anything to do with which way you are facing?

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Are you soliciting feels? And why not the West coast, too? Or is that being felt up as we speak?

prommie August 23, 2011 at 2:34 pm

My building shook and swayed for about 2 years; I have never felt an earthquake, I thought it was wind, a tornado, but no, no noise. It went on and on, but I didn't realize what it was till it was over and 10 people said to me "earthquake."

SheriffRoscoe August 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Yes, sometimes they present as sways; sometimes as jolts. The symptoms of earthquake are often confused for other, more common things such as morbidly obese governors moving about in the vicinity. They can therefore be tricky to diagnose.

GuyClinch August 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Here at work in Bethesda, about 10 seconds in, a bunch of birds finally flew away. Some early warning system! Still, made some ameros selling my xanax supply in the parking lot.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Cool, a side business. How entrepreneurial.

Guppy06 August 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

So are you now a "job creator?"

GuyClinch August 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Nope. I still pay proportionally more in taxes than Buffett. (all of them)

prommie August 23, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Got any more?

tcaalaw August 23, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I was expecting a punchline after you opened with "My building shook and swayed for about 2 years . . . ."

GOPCrusher August 23, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Worst. Penthouse. Forum. Letter. Ever.

Mumbletypeg August 23, 2011 at 2:34 pm

BREAKING: God Tries To Swallow Godless East Coast With Earthquake

♪ I know an old deity who swallowed a spider/ That wriggled and tickled and jiggled inside Her ♫

prommie August 23, 2011 at 2:35 pm

I am in Trenton, so of course the first thing I looked for was whether Chris Christie was going by.

PuckStopsHere August 23, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Trenton Makes, The World Takes…whatever in the fuck that means.

prommie August 23, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Urinals, baby. Home of American Standard.

PuckStopsHere August 23, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Then it should say, "…The World Takes A Leak." You are going to need a bigger bridge.

imissopus August 23, 2011 at 2:35 pm

A 5.9 would grab even this jaded Californian's attention. That said, my FB feed filled up ridiculously fast with people who seem to think they just narrowly escaped the apocalypse. Chill out, East Coast. If you don't wake up buried under a pile of rubble, it's not a huge deal.

Cicada August 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I'm a native Californian transplanted to DC, and this quake got my attention. But yeah, after the Northridge earthquake in the 90s, my threshold for panic is a lot higher.

imissopus August 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Northridge was about three years before I moved out here and seems to be the reference point for most people. No one in Cali would get the rest of the day off after a 5.9.

HistoriCat August 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Oh sure but closing a freeway leads to "Carmageddon" … every location has their local boogeymen.

imissopus August 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Dude, seriously, closing the 405 for two days is a much bigger inconvenience than a 5.9.

Cicada August 23, 2011 at 3:22 pm

The '89 earthquake that caused the Bay Bridge collapse is another big reference point, but I was just young enough to miss a lot of the impact. Northridge was a big deal for me because I was visiting friends near Santa Clarita, and I woke up to a bookcase falling onto the couch I was sleeping on. The stove also ripped out of the wall and fell over, and people were screaming. Everyone in the apartment was okay, but it definitely made an impression.

DaRooster August 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm

My Ex was at College in Scott's Valley… the epicenter of that one… her shelved collection of dolphins crashed into a thousand pieces… so did their gymnasium, it collapsed. Loma Prieta was only 6.9… the top of Cypress crushed the few cars on the lower level… thank goodness it was just before the SF/Oakland World Series… woulda been a lot more deaths and injuries if people didn't go home early to watch it.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I was in the middle of a job interview when a 6.x earthquake hit. We looked at each other, said "Earthquake?" and waited for about 3 minutes. When it didn't repeat, we just carried on talking.

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 4:09 pm

I remember seeing that game; I guess god doesn't like two teams from the same metropolitan area playing against each other for a championship.

trhindman August 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I was in 3rd grade, in Reseda (where the epicenter was) during Northridge. As a result my heart stops anytime a big truck shakes my office building in LA. Basically, 5.9 would get my attention. Although I work with an office with transplants and they looked at me like I was insane when we had a 5.3 quake and I went under my desk. They headed for the door. <shakes head>

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:04 pm

You'd think they'd know that by now, having seen multiple movies, pix, videos, etc., of earthquakes around the world. Most people here seem to survive 5.0 and lower level earthquakes just fine.

ApplesauceRobot August 23, 2011 at 2:36 pm

My bad. I tripped a teabagger.

elviouslyqueer August 23, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Lord & Taylor on Fifth Avenue was also evacuated.

Oh please, how could they tell, since nobody's shopped at L&T since about 1992?

nappyduggs August 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm

You said it, honey. Lard and Trailer isn't even worth looting.

nounverb911 August 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Don't tell my wife, she makes an annual pilgrimage there for her under thingies.

elviouslyqueer August 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Don't get me wrong. I used to love "Lord Have Mercy," until they turned into a lowbrow version of Macy's.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm

That's pretty damn low. I got involved with the labour strike there decades ago. Macy's has turned into a real shitpile since they got rid of their unions.

fuflans August 23, 2011 at 8:38 pm

and as a sometime chicagoan i still hate their guts for swallowing marshall fields.

emmelemm August 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm

What about Barneys???

Seriously, this is what passes for "reporting"?

SheriffRoscoe August 23, 2011 at 2:52 pm

The name "Lord & Taylor" seems a bit off-putting to me.

sezme August 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm

And Dominic Strauss-Khan used the opportunity to slip out of jail.

SheriffRoscoe August 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Rick Perry says that plate tectonics are just a theory, one of many. Let's call this quake what it actually is, a sign from Gawd that millions of teabaggers are about to be swooped up off their scooters, to be raptured away to that great McDonalds in the sky, where Jesus himself brings them their deep fried apple pies. Hallelujah Jesus!

freakishlywrong August 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm

They evacuated Lord & Taylor? Just like Haiti!

jus_wonderin August 23, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I have never been in a quake. I probably would have evacuated my Saks too.

MiniMencken August 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Gojira!

Fox n Fiends August 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Is Virginia trying to secede again?

Guppy06 August 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Nah, just getting ready to fracture again.

MLHencken August 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm

The Mrs. just reported feeling the quake down at her office in New Haven. Nothing here (about 40 miles northeast) but I was probably too busy yelling at one of my employees at the time to notice.

My abusive personality when dealing with subordinates wins again!

spinozasgod August 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm

my mom always told me….if I didn't have an abusive personality I would have none at all…

Chillwaver August 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I don't allow my employees to comment on Wonkette. That's grounds for termination, right there…

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:12 pm

So, that ad requesting the intimate services of a dominatrix in CL wasn't you?

Allmighty_Manos August 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

You know you live in DC when you assume the reason your building is shaking is because a bomb went off.

Cicada August 23, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Yes! I had exactly that thought. I wondered "earthquake, bomb, or the Red Line finally self-destructing?"

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:13 pm

But isn't that the case for most urban areas, these days? Remember what that idiot British historian said, what is his name?

chascates August 23, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Fox News will run a photo of Obama cycling in Martha's Vineyard as the beltway reels: 'DOESN'T HE EVEN CARE?'

GuyClinch August 23, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Too late. Drudge very quickly had headline up "Obama on golf course"

chascates August 23, 2011 at 5:41 pm

As well as:
VIDEO: Vacant White House Shakes…

SayItWithWookies August 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Alright everyone calm down. We have to be blasé about this, otherwise the Californians are gonna laugh at us.

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Too late.

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Since this was something minor we're overreacting to, remind me never to go to California.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Hey, it's not all sunshine and roses out here, buddy. I'm predicting early rains starting in September and ensuing mudslides for winter. Also fog, mildew, moss, fug, damp, chill, wind, and stain. Oh, no, wait, we've already *had* that this summer.

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Don't forget the annual wildfires!

emmelemm August 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Are you sure you live in California? Because it sounds like you live in Seattle.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Srsly.

trhindman August 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Nah, as a life long Californian, I can tell you that a 5.9 would send me under my desk.

DaRooster August 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I only dive under my desk for Nuclear attacks from the USSR anymore…
Remember… that was supposed to protect you from a bombing.

ShaveTheWhales August 23, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Not real laughter, though. A 5.9 is noticeable, particularly a couple stories up. And it lasts just long enough for your hindbrain to start asking "Is this just a little shaker, or the front end of a real one?" Cue adrenal glands.

Callyson August 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

BREAKING NEWS ALERT FROM FAUX NEWS:
Obama did it.

horsedreamer_1 August 23, 2011 at 3:55 pm

There were no earthquakes while Bush was President. He kept us safe.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:38 pm

And if there had been, we woulda been so fucked.

FNMA August 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm

In other news, Christ Christie has jumped into the GOP presidential race.
On a serious note, I was wondering what Woody Harrelson was doing on the roof of our building.

ThundercatHo August 23, 2011 at 2:52 pm

I think it was just the Invisible Hand that felt up the east coast. Perv!

KeepFnThatChicken August 23, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Time for KFTC's Cognitive Dissonance Story Moment: What two fundamentalist, right-wing universities sit within 150 miles of the epicenter of this quake? It is because of their insolence toward humanity, intellect and charity that they will be punished by The Great I Am.

John Hagee? I fucked him!

jacqfire August 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Jerry Falwell shakin' it up. Nice try Jerry, Barry isn't there.

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Well, I'm home now after an unexpected half-day of work. I was coming back from lunch when it happened, so I didn't get the full blast that people in the buildings got and I heard about from my co-workers, but it was still fucking scary; in Virginia it must have been really bad. Still can't use my cell phone – and people thought I was silly to get a regular phone at home.

Barb August 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Just talked to my daughter in Wilmington. She felt it strongly and they sent everyone home for the rest of the day.

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 3:13 pm

It was weird walking back and seeing all the buildings start evacuating. Center City is closed, but everyone's fine; the same should be the case in Wilmington.

I really feel bad for the workers at the daycare in my building; I saw them having to wrangle all the kids, many of whom were scared and crying. They had brought up some cradles to hold the littlest ones at least. Luckily the older ones looked good about staying in place.

jus_wonderin August 23, 2011 at 4:07 pm

My daughter, in Princeton, NJ, said she felt it.

emmelemm August 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

They let you go home from work??? FOR THAT???

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Not let, made; they're not letting anyone back into the building until inspectors have finished going over it and made sure it's safe.

emmelemm August 23, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Carry on, then.

Can't you tell I'm just jealous?

Also, this amuses me: Oh, the humanity!

not that Dewey August 23, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Not to worry; President Perry and Vice President Palin will make sure that those pesky building inspectors will never interfere with your productivity again.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:21 pm

That's exactly why we maintain our landline.

NorthStarSpanx August 23, 2011 at 2:54 pm

@SarahPalinUSA – Impotent NE, AK'n Heart cajones 2 slay govt waste:stand ^ 2 quakes. RLMericans joke like Shery Smith:??qualifications like Jen Delaney

Beowoof August 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Hurricanes, earthquakes, when God is pissed why does he always seem to throw shit at his biggest supporters.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:24 pm

He doesn't like them any more than we do. You know how it is. Just because people LIKE you on FB doesn't mean you're gonna LIKE them back.

KeepFnThatChicken August 23, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Also, someone did Michele Bachmann very well.

BornInATrailer August 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm

"I treasure my morning quiet times – just me and Jesus alone with the sunrise. Sometimes I fantasize about Jesus choking me. I am very angry."

Some of those are great. Thank you.

donner_froh August 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

State government workers in Trenton who at first thought strong winds had kicked up almost immediately realized they were feeling a tremor of an intensity that's rare in the Garden State
since the last time Governor Christie rolled over in bed.

Mumbletypeg August 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Felt it here in downtown Richmond; nothing broken, no one hurt in the immediate vicinity. I should be relaying this via returned phone-message that just came through my cell from my mom's number. She lives halfway across the country & tomorrow's her birthday; should I wait til then to return the call, greeting her with "Happy birthday: your kid's alive, that's your present this year!!" ?

Geminisunmars August 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm

That is sure to beat last year's "What? You didn't receive your gift? I ordered it over a month ago. Damn Post Office."

imissopus August 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

That would be Regents and Liberty. Fuck you, Pat Robertson!

Callyson August 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance was starting a press conference on the high-profile case involving Dominique Strauss-Kahn when the floor began shaking back and forth
Hmmm…

Fare la Volpe August 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm

But is Sarah Palin okay?

Beowoof August 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Lets hope not.

James Michael Curley August 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Sitting in a 110 year old buildingin Jersey City I asked a couple of my coworkers; Why is the building shaking? It feels like an earthquake. As it rippled across the floor a few of them evacuated. I called maintenance to clean it up.

Fare la Volpe August 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Clean what? Their urine puddles?

Radiotherapy® August 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I felt it here in the outer banks. Hey, how about that…At least I didn't panic, evacuate and run into the streets screaming like those pussies in the most secure building in the world

baconzgood August 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Earth quake in DC. The talking heads will say it was Jebus telling us libs are evil. But let's not forget. Fires, drought, oil spills, and the general douche baggery that's going on the south and has been for months.

arihaya August 23, 2011 at 7:05 pm

there you goes again.. with your "logic" and "facts"

fuflans August 23, 2011 at 8:40 pm

no no that's just a job like test of jesus' people.

SheriffRoscoe August 23, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I had to get rid of my cable teevee in the economic downturn but I'm guessing CNN, MSNBC and FOX are going to milk this until tomorrow morning. Can anyone confirm? Damn. Times like these I miss shelling out the bucks for Wolf Blitzer telling me over and over just how terrified I ought to be.

Geminisunmars August 23, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Suddenly Tripoli stopped existing, and only the earthquake was on CNN. Didn't check the others.

Texan_Bulldog August 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

If there weren't so many gehs on the East Coast, I'm sure this would have never happened. Right, Jerry Falwell?

pinkocommi August 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm

I sometimes wish that there were an angry, vengeful, active God that would make his displeasure known to those on Capitol Hill, the White House and on Wall Street. But I thought he would just smite them all down with heart disease and diabetes by making donuts and bacon oh so delicious and irresistible. But an earthquake would work. Let's go with earthquake.

Is it too late to add Texas to my list of those to be smited?

DaRooster August 23, 2011 at 3:24 pm

The problem with an earthquake is all the sweeping up afterwards.

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Texas is being smote, just slowly, by drought caused by the global warming most Texans know is a liberal commie conspiracy.

DaRooster August 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm

OBAMA!

Fare la Volpe August 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Not even kidding: the FOX news reaction to the quake was "How does this affect the markets?"

Turns out, natural disasters give the Dow a 100 point boner.

tihond August 23, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Their lips were saying "how does this affect the markets," but their minds were thinking "will this get me laid?"

baconzgood August 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm

"Something happened a long time ago in Virginia, and people might not want to talk about it. Virginians were originally under the heel of the Free Masons. You know, Jefferson the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the English. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other."

-Pat Robertson Tomorrow in The 700 Club-

FNMA August 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

That sure explains Eric Cantor.

DerrickWildcat August 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm

…True Story!

fuflans August 23, 2011 at 8:41 pm

man damn that's a great movie right there.

DaRooster August 23, 2011 at 3:23 pm

You do realize it was only 5.9 right?

Love,
Nor Cal Rooster

weejee August 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm

You do realize it was only 5.9 right?

You do realize it was only 9.5 right?

Fixed. Probly felt like that to Eastcoasters, just sayin'.

emmelemm August 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Whiny titty babies!

(I kid, I kid. Sort of.)

DaRooster August 23, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I kid too… especially if anyone was up in a building. They move pretty good up there…

kingofmeh August 23, 2011 at 4:09 pm

the national news event made out of this recalls the way atlanta shuts down when there's an inch of snow. it's only interesting when you haven't been through it before.

Guppy06 August 23, 2011 at 4:18 pm

You do realize the local building codes on the East Coast don't consider earthquakes?

GhostBuggy August 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

"A 5.9 earthquake struck in Virginia Tuesday afternoon and was felt up…"

That's what it gets for going near D.C., filthy whore that it is, and shaking it for those disgusting Congressmen and Senators.

ArmoredLibunatic August 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm

I believe this strip is relevant.

baconzgood August 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

NEEDS MOAR GLOWING JAPANESE.

(too soon?)

Oblios_Cap August 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm

It was all those statues in Gaddafi's compound hitting the ground.

SudsMcKenzie August 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm

If thats what it takes to get Andrea Mitchell off the air, please god, do it every day.

notreelyhelping August 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Here's how you know you work with a geologist. If the building starts shaking, they excitedly grab hold of a doorway and begin saying: "2.2…2.8…3.5…."

ph7 August 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Here's how you know you work with an opportunist: you excitedly grab the young receptionist in the conference room and begin saying "this could be the end of the world…"

PuckStopsHere August 23, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Don't they know that if they give you the afternoon off, the terrorists have won? Go shopping people, go shopping, For America.

ph7 August 23, 2011 at 3:54 pm

My office is five blocks from the White House, Having lived in DC my whole life, my first guess was that the violent shaking I felt this afternoon was a Timothy McVeigh incident. Next on my list was an underground gas explosion that sometimes happens in the 150 year old sewers here. Earthquake (on the east coast ?!?) was way down my list.

finallyhappy August 24, 2011 at 8:02 am

I was on the Mall in a museum- east coasters thought a bomb but west coasters said earthquake. I thought a big exhibit had fallen down(That crazy NGA art hater taking to hating on Natural History)

DaRooster August 23, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I sure wish that congress was not on vacation… woulda been great to see clips of those fucking panty-wastes diving on the floor crying and screaming.

horsedreamer_1 August 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Earthquakes shake, while terrorism is the product of sheikhs. Coincidence??

& even worse, who's the biggest sheikh in DC, right now? Obama!

baconzgood August 23, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I just went to faux-noose check out the comments. Here's one:

"…Given the list of things that have plagued Obama…
* Fly infestation
* Rodents on the White House lawn
* Frog infestation on highways (google earlier news reports on this)
* Bed bugs
* Michelle
* Birds, fish, cattle deaths
* The economy
* Bush
* The Tea Party"

I am beginning to believe that if God Himself came down and told Obama,
"LET MY PEOPLE GO!" that he would actually tell God… "The American People have made it clear, they want to follow me"

Of course this person forgot about the Poison Monkey's that shoot laser sharks out of thier butts.

emmelemm August 23, 2011 at 4:26 pm

So, Michelle is one of the bad things? Because I bet the President thinks he's pretty lucky to get to bang that every night.

hilbillyheroine August 23, 2011 at 4:09 pm

The remnants of failed prophet, Harold Camping (who predicted May 21, 2011, and are NOW predicting Oct. 21, 2011) are holed up in their Yahoo Discussion Group compound, and are, as I type, fitting this act of God into their scripture cypherin.

natoslug August 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Dear East Coast: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Sincerely Yours,
West Coast.

Radiotherapy® August 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Ooo big, scary earthquake scares pentagon paper pushers.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Daughter: "Was that an earthquake?"
Me: "Yep."
Daughter: "Huh."
(We go back to our books.)

Am I to understand that some people got excited?

finallyhappy August 24, 2011 at 8:05 am

If you had been in the building I was in- with thousands of tourists- and a big old rotunda shaking- yeah, you'd get excited

Biel_ze_Bubba August 24, 2011 at 10:18 am

Daughter: "Was that an earthquake?"
Me: "Yep."
Daughter: "Huh."
(We resume examining the rotunda.)

You just don't know my daughter.

Redhead August 23, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Yeah that would be 5 miles from Mineral, VA and 84 from DC… but ABC's math is still better than Bachmann's, so we'll let it go.

Impishparrot August 23, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Pat Robertson will be on his Jesbuzz network raising $$$ to again — Pray away the Gay! You know it's their fault so let's buy US some salvation in 5, 4, 3…

JoshuaNorton August 23, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Rick Perry immediately denied earthquakes exist.

starfanglednut August 23, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Plate tectonics is just a theory.

ttommyunger August 23, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Note to Virginians (aka morons) don't relax your sphincters just yet, Hurricane Irene is heading your way and picking up speed. Should make landfall in your neck of the woods by Saturday. Enjoy!

slowhansolo August 24, 2011 at 12:37 am

It knocked over my coat rack. In retrospect, I probably resorted to cannibalism too early.

Tr0tt0 August 24, 2011 at 4:32 pm

In related news, I have also been 'felt up' and down the East coast.

oldmayfly August 24, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Seismograph in Cartersville, GA (near Atlanta) picked up tremors. My house (in midtown Atlanta) swayed slightly. Interesting experience.

HistoriCat August 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm

And the Pentagon had a busted water pipe! Nevar forget!

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Oh, yes. I survived the last one yaknow. Looked out the upstairs window and watched it jump the freeway right before hightailing it out of the neighbourhood.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I've been to Seattle. That's a bit too mingy and damp for me. But we get plenty of minge and damp in my little neck of the (very damp) woods.

This year the rains didn't stop till late June or July (they're normally over by late March/April, and then there's no rain at all till around September/October. We had a rather mature oak lob a branch at our roof, and spent the night listening to it creaking in the high winds and heavy rain. Never a dull moment at La Casa de Los Gatos, baby.

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