ON PINS AND NEEDLES  7:25 pm August 22, 2011

Karl Rove Forces Media to Write Another ‘Will Sarah Palin Run?’ Story

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Oh, look whose handlers discovered fish-eye lenses and sepia filters! Insipid reality teevee grandma Sarah Palin released another mind-numbing Internet home movie about signing autographs in Iowa to share, for whatever reason, who needs a reason? Rat-faced freak show Karl Rove excitedly predicts she released this video because she is finally planning to jump into the presidential race on September 3 at a major Iowa Tea Party remedial reading seminar that she will keynote, but we predict it’s because Sarah Palin still wants cash, and we will always be right. How do American voters feel about this exciting news?

Hmm, today’s Rasmussen poll shows that a Sarah Palin victory against Obama hovers right next to the odds of giant thunderstorms of dildos raining down on Earth.

From Rasmussen:

If Election Day was right now, President Obama would defeat the former Alaska governor 50% to 33%, according to a new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey. This marks the first time that the president has risen out of the 40s in hypothetical matchups with any of the major GOP presidential hopefuls. Fifteen percent (15%) prefer some other candidate, and two percent (2%) are undecided….

Last month, Obama posted a 47% to 38% lead over Palin, the GOP’s unsuccessful vice presidential candidate in 2008.

Palin earns support from 62% of Republicans, while 88% of Democrats back the president. Voters not affiliated with either party prefer Obama by a 51% to 30% margin.

Obama holds a narrow 44% to 38% lead over Palin among male voters, but women prefer the incumbent by a sizable 56% to 29% margin.

Hi-larious. It’s sweeter poison than reading the economic newz, if “disgust” is your fetish. [YouTube/Slate/Rasmussen]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 268 comments }

jdoleman August 22, 2011 at 7:27 pm

"Obama holds a narrow 44% to 38% lead over Palin among male voters, but women prefer the incumbent by a sizable 56% to 29% margin."

Women are smarter, always knew it.

Nostrildamus August 22, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Or possibly women are less capable of appreciating the intellectual weight of a nice pair of tits.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Tits haz intellectual weight? Who knew?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 23, 2011 at 1:29 am

Little known fact, but all major decisions in human history have been made based upon who had the best tits.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 1:32 am

My ex told me that, but since she had a splendiferous pair, I just assumed she was biased.

emmelemm August 23, 2011 at 2:33 am

The Three Girlfriends joke?

Callyson August 22, 2011 at 8:00 pm

JFC, can't these dudes spank the monkey for someone with half a brain?

LetUsBray August 22, 2011 at 9:32 pm

I'm just trying to figure out how so many dudes can be so impervious to that boner-wilting voice with its testicle-imploding snideness.

iburl August 22, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Have you seen her playing the flute?

vodkamuppet August 22, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Not to mention it's got be a total mess below the belt, if you know what I mean.

nounverb911 August 22, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Sarah who?

memzilla August 22, 2011 at 7:29 pm

This is bad news for the Koch Bruddahs.

I used to wonder whether it was Charles or David who had the 666 tattoo just aft of his hairline. Now, I figure there's nothing in the Jeebus Book that would rule out twins who each have 333 there…

Barrelhse August 22, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Are the Koch boys from Brazil?

nounverb911 August 22, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I keep hearing that George Pataki is going to run too.

Limeylizzie August 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Well, that will last about 2 months, he is such a nasty piece of work and was such a lousy Governor.

iburl August 22, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Wow, I loved him as Sulu!

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:15 pm

As Rachel said earlier tonight, Pataki is more Tim Pawlenty than Tim Pawle…zzzzzz….

horsedreamer_1 August 23, 2011 at 9:44 am

Hey, if the middle-class is going to get fucked, might as well have it be Greek.

Negropolis August 23, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Dude's the most Dutch-looking Greek I've ever seen.

PuckStopsHere August 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm

My God. I live in a country where fully a third of the populace believes Shrillbilly to be capable of being president. "A Democracy, madam, if you can keep it." Sorry, Franklin. We cannot, I fear.

Swampgas_Man August 22, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Eh, same third that thought W was doing a bang-up job. Getting rid of the literacy test for voting was a mistake.

Ohforcripessake August 22, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Don't worry. This only proves that stupid people are more likely to participate in telephone polls.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:15 pm

It's always been about a third. I wish it were less, but it doesn't scare me any more than the third who stuck on to Bush even after Katrina.

mumbly_joe August 23, 2011 at 8:43 am

I believe the crazification factor hypothesis put the number at 28-30%, so slightly less than one third. The remaining 8-10% comes from Rassmussen's long-standing, systematic partisan statistical bias.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Srsly. Her fifteen minutes is currently at 14:58. She is so fucking done that I will be truly amazed if she's dumb enough to jump in to the race. Karl is just terrified that one of the two godbags on the slate will win, thus destroying the Republican party forever and ever, and after he promised them such a glorious Fourth Reich, too. He's hoping Sarah can be goaded into running and pulling support from Ricardo Perez and Mishmash BatShitKrayZMann. Sarah's pretty stupid but also pretty shrewd, and she can smell blood in the water, so she'll rake in the last few bux and step out with her Fox contract $$ intact. Let's see what KKKarl does for an encore.

GunToting[Redacted] August 22, 2011 at 9:12 pm

And that's only because she keeps resetting the clock.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 9:35 pm

True. She's like some kind of horrible genital rash, or something. Once you catch it, you never *really* get rid of it. Every time the temperature goes over 85, it's talcum powder and a wide-legged stance as you air your violently itching balls out.

subsum August 22, 2011 at 10:48 pm

She'll stay in the spotlight for as long as she can rake in some dough. That includes stepping out of it for short periods of time to avoid causing too much character fatigue. The broad knows her thing and she'll step on whomever she has to to stay relevant.

I mean, think about it: being a political celebrity is all she's got. She's getting older and the GMILF story's about to fade away. Aside from giving the Koch brothers a boner she's of no use to them. Once her looks are gone she'll be gone.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 11:43 pm

The C4P folks will stay loyal to the bitter end! Just like the loonies over at Hillaryis44.

berkeleyfarm August 23, 2011 at 1:13 am

"Bitter" being the operative word.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 1:18 am

Ah, you know these people too!

johnnyzhivago August 22, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Trust me on this: She'll run – but only to make some sort of moronic TV show out of it – I guarantee it!

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 11:33 pm

We're never going to be shet of that miserable bitch, are we?

Pat_Pending August 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm

'Godbags.' Oh, that's a keeper!

bagofmice August 22, 2011 at 7:32 pm

It's raining men?

nounverb911 August 22, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Rick Perry's prayers are answered.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 9:55 pm

All of them, Katie.

SorosBot August 22, 2011 at 10:33 pm

And Karl Rove's too.

GuanoFaucet August 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm

There is no fucking way I am watching that goddamned video.

Radiotherapy® August 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm

You could always quit at any point.

MLHencken August 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm

I am with you. No fucking way in hell.

ThundercatHo August 22, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Me neither, I am fresh out of brain bleach and don't want to have night terrors.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:22 pm

[/thread]

johnnyzhivago August 22, 2011 at 11:29 pm

It has to be some sort of legal or moral violation of the dignity of bits and bytes to be arranged in a manner that transmits that dumb fuck over the internet.

Steverino247 August 22, 2011 at 7:38 pm

It would seem that 38% of men want to masturbate on Election Day. Good government depends upon the prurient interest of every citizen. Uh, paraphrasing Thomas Jefferson there.

Blendergoathead August 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Whatever. I masturbate at least once *every* day, elections or not – and I sure as hell am not envisioning the snowbilly grandma… unless it's a tag-team with her daughter.

Ew, i just scared myself. Bleh.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Yeah, well, you did my supposed diet a favour. Srsly. Both those harpies?

SorosBot August 22, 2011 at 10:33 pm

In what respect? I find it hard to believe any man could masturbate while having the image of that hag in their head. And that voice, ugh…

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:23 pm

If by 38% of men, you mean 100%, and if by Election Day you mean Erection Day, and if you by Erection Day you mean every day, then yes, "it would seem that 38% of men want to masturbate on Election Day."

Gleem_McShineys August 23, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Ah, you have THE Math, too! Karl loves that stuff.

pukebot August 22, 2011 at 7:40 pm

please, please, please run. pretty please. i'll blow satan himself if she runs…please.

Barrelhse August 22, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Blowing Satan isn't all it's made out to be.
Believe me.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Jeeze, he only ask that you sell him your soul.

jus_wonderin August 23, 2011 at 10:41 am

That's hot!!

Nostrildamus August 22, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Palin earns support from 62% of Republicans, while 88% of Democrats back the president.

With appropriate (Wisconsin-style) anti-voter-fraud measures, Palin will carry 61% of the vote.

Radiotherapy® August 22, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Her unfavorable numbers haven't changed despite all her losing, quitting, stupidity and übergrifting. Yet they still keep fucking that $$$$ chicken.

GunToting[Redacted] August 22, 2011 at 9:13 pm

If Fuxx Nooze has anything to do with it, she'll win 187% of the electorate.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 22, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Karl rove is spinning in his grave. I'm such an optomist.

nounverb911 August 22, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Do you know who else should be spinning in their graves?

Boredw/Gravitas August 22, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Cheney?

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Oh pleez oh pleez oh pleez oh pleez oh pleez …

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 23, 2011 at 1:39 am

Only when the sun is out.

jakegittes August 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Johnny McWalnuts?

flamingpdog August 22, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Abraham Lincoln?

Callyson August 22, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Every closeted politician who votes against gay rights?
Thus giving the Dems a super – majority…

iburl August 22, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Pat Sajak?

BTWBFDIMHO August 22, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Dracula?

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Richard Perle
Paul Wolfowitz
Paul "Jerry" Bremer
Monica Goodling
Al Fredo Gonzales
Scooter Libby
G.H.W. and Barbara Bush

Ah, fuck it. All of them, Katie!

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 12:06 am

Jesus?

not that Dewey August 23, 2011 at 12:10 am

Sleeping Beauty?

horsedreamer_1 August 23, 2011 at 9:47 am

Benjamin Robins?

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:26 pm

All Dervishes for all time?

occams8ball August 22, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Karl should really get behind Rick Perry. or vice versa.

weejee August 22, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Well the Bushies are more likely to slash and cut when it comes to Ricky rather than to parry.

Mumbletypeg August 22, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Did I hear that silhouetted grizzly bear at the end, its back arched as if wounded by gunshot, mutter under its breath "You can't make this shit up"?

Radiotherapy® August 22, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Who knew grizzlies are such quitters?

flamingpdog August 22, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Actually, you can make this shit up, and Mama Grizzly does it all the time. That's the scary part.

Toomush_Infer August 22, 2011 at 10:29 pm

I'm pretty sure that bear was just farting….

Nostrildamus August 22, 2011 at 7:46 pm

How do American voters feel about this exciting news?

Wakizashi sales are through the roof.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wakizashi#History_an

weejee August 22, 2011 at 7:57 pm

I can't believe you had the guts to say that.

Oh, wait a minute there….

Radiotherapy® August 22, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Killa Wasilla

zhubajie August 22, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Now you know why the more enlightened Americans never bother voting.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Seppuku for all!

Angry_Marmot August 23, 2011 at 2:22 am

Be with you in a minute, still working on my death haiku…

Fox n Fiends August 22, 2011 at 7:47 pm

"Your passion is rising. Just like my usually flaccid white cock."

V572 T-Blow August 22, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Why do pollsters always ask, "If the election were held today, who would you vote for?" It makes no sense to ask someone how they would vote in a non-existent election. Instead, why don't they ask, "Could you really be stupid enough to vote for the Alaskunt® in November 2012?"

Cash4HoboBeans August 22, 2011 at 7:48 pm

I'm all for it if it means that they come out with "Nailin Palin 2"

MLHencken August 22, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Needs moar shaved genitalls and prop eyeglasses.

drrty_martini August 22, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Um…a "friend" of mine has "Nailin' Palin II" – which had some amusing banter between Obama and Palin before the action started.

fuflans August 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm

refudiate.

no, seriously, refudiate.

nounverb911 August 22, 2011 at 7:52 pm

I'll call your refudiate and raise you a squirmish.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 22, 2011 at 7:54 pm

T

LetUsBray August 22, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Why would we want to squirmish against our North Korean allies?

MissusBarry August 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm

I'm torn between the feelings of impending vomit and laughter. The line between scorn and outright hatred is so thin. I think I'll go with all of them, Katie.

ManchuCandidate August 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm

The GOPers already have the wingnutty candidate, the dumb candidate, the crazy female candidate and the jeebus candidate. I think they've got Palin pretty much covered.

Still, I think she should run just for the comedy.

zhubajie August 22, 2011 at 9:04 pm

"Still, I think she should run just for the comedy."

Yes, I agree! Cage match, Palin vs Bachman vs Odonell vs Perry!

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Li'l Ricky's gonna be shit outa luck with those three in the ring.

BlueStateLibel August 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Pollsters should actually be asking: if the election was held today, and Sarah Palin was actually on the ballot, would you a) break down hysterically laughing, or b) kill yourself.

Callyson August 22, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Irresistible…
All of 'em, Katie.

owhatever August 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Run, Sarah, Run! Michele and Ricky mudrassling ain't got the same charm.

Limeylizzie August 22, 2011 at 7:52 pm

ot but another Republican Racism Moment.
http://news.yahoo.com/nj-gop-lawmaker-quit-over-w

Texan_Bulldog August 22, 2011 at 7:59 pm

"inexplicably sent an offensive and racist email…"

Ha ha…for some reason that's never happened to me.

emmelemm August 22, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Republicans log on, racist emails go out.

Who can explain it?

SorosBot August 22, 2011 at 8:38 pm

It's wrong too; it's totally explicable, she's a Republican, that's all you need to know. I'm just surprised that she didn't also throw in a gay joke (I mean, I don't know if Lewis is gay, but he certainly seems quite fabulous for an athlete).

Callyson August 22, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Jennifer Delany's email to Lewis' campaign said, in part, "Imagine having dark skin and name recognition and the nerve to think that equaled knowing something about politics."
Change that to "white skin" and you've described Sarah Palin to a T. Bitch.

Texan_Bulldog August 22, 2011 at 8:57 pm

"Imagine being a movie star with name recognition and having the nerve to think that equaled knowing something about politics." Sound familiar?

emmelemm August 22, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Imagine being a writer on a late-night sketch comedy show with a little name recognition and having the nerve to think that equaled knowing something about politics!

The nerve, I tells ya.

weejee August 22, 2011 at 9:22 pm

And imagine a fourteen five-year five-college undergradumacated sports newsie using that celebrity to run for mayor and governor?

The unmitigated gall. Gall stones, too, also.

zhubajie August 22, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Seriously, I wouldn't wish public office in the US on my worst enemy.

fuflans August 22, 2011 at 9:51 pm

actually, technically i WOULD wish it on Jennifer Delany and her family.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Geezus. And the fecking yahoos over there are already jisming their shorts over that racist Maxine Waters, who's much much worse than some cunt who writes a black man some incredibly racist email for no reason whatsoever. I swear, I picked a terrible time to quit drinking.

SorosBot August 22, 2011 at 10:30 pm

And once again, the GOP and the media will conflate judging people over their chosen ideology with judging people over immutable characteristics like race, gender or sexual orientation. Sigh.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:41 pm

You're assuming they actually think that much. I think it's more like "HULK SEE BLACK. HULK SMASH!" Their tiny little amygdalas are constantly on TERROR ALERT RED.

HistoriCat August 23, 2011 at 9:55 am

Hulk Libel!

donner_froh August 22, 2011 at 10:59 pm

The most upsetting part of that story is that Carl Lewis is 50. Racist emails from a Republican–shocking but not surprising.

Jukesgrrl August 22, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Even sadder than her E-mail: the hundreds of comments below the article on Yahoo News, most of which feature some version of, "How can that be racist? It's true."

jakegittes August 22, 2011 at 7:54 pm

SHOW US YOUR TITS, DAMMIT.

GunToting[Redacted] August 22, 2011 at 9:15 pm

DO NOT WANT.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I vote for ^^ this candidate. ^^

SorosBot August 22, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I've never found silicon very sexy.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:31 pm

This is like the original "show me your birth certificate," isn't it?

jakegittes August 22, 2011 at 11:41 pm

No. It's all about the tits.

Texan_Bulldog August 22, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Come on in, Snowbilly, the water's fine. That also goes for Giuliani, The Donald, George Pataki and the rest of the crazies. The more people see the Republican party for what it is, the better!

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Paul Ryan just announced he won't run. Now I has a sad.

mayor_quimby August 22, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Are you swimming in Shamu's tank, Bulldog? Just sayin', he's due for a feedin'

Boredw/Gravitas August 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

"Rat-faced freak show Karl Rove"

Oh, thanks for that one, Kirsten. I laffed my cocktail right through my nose.

Callyson August 22, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Palin: "I think we're seeing a great awakening of the American public."
Rasmussen: If Election Day was right now, President Obama would defeat the former Alaska governor 50% to 33%
God bless America…at least, 50% of it…

randcoolcatdaddy August 22, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Is Sarah Palin running?

Of course she is … as quickly as she can towards any demon spawn of hell that waves a few dollars in front of her face…

Come here a minute August 22, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Karl, it's not going to be that easy to get rid of your buddy Rick Parry, but thanks for trying!

x111e7thst August 22, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Snowbilly must have decided that "writing" another book would be too hard.

BTWBFDIMHO August 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Outside of a bus, a book is a candidate's best friend. Inside of a bus it's too dark to write.

FannyBurney August 22, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Why doesn't this cheesy, phony-patriotic carnival act just cut to the chase and ask her fans to stuff dollar bills in her g-string? It would be more honest.

zhubajie August 22, 2011 at 9:07 pm

That's after the election. She and Bristle can do a mother-daughter act!

genxr August 22, 2011 at 8:05 pm

"Thanks for ruining our summer vacation."

Slim_Pickins August 22, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Screw Karl Rove, and the whore he rode in on.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Jeff Gannon?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 23, 2011 at 2:07 am

W?

flamingpdog August 22, 2011 at 8:08 pm

I made it through the first 1:12 of the video. Then Sarah started speaking. I have a congenital hearing impairment. It's times like 1:12 into the video that I wish I were totally deaf …

Radiotherapy® August 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Quitter.

BarackMyWorld August 22, 2011 at 8:08 pm

If she runs, Perry will just push her out of the way. Again.

BlueStateLibel August 22, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Yeah, I remember that, he almost knocks her in the face with his shoulder. Such a Texas gentleman!

tcaalaw August 23, 2011 at 9:17 am

The most dangerous place in the world is being between Rick Perry, Sarah Palin, and a press op!

DashboardBuddha August 23, 2011 at 9:41 am

Yo bitch…don't get between a dog and his meat.

smitallica August 22, 2011 at 8:09 pm

This is RASMUSSEN, people. If that rightwing propaganda fudgery says Barry wins 50% to 33%, the actual numbers are more like 75% to 18%.

Radiotherapy® August 22, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Exactly, the funny thing is that the MSM (and their polestars) want her to run. They created this Frankengrifter and they are addicted to her ratings.

zhubajie August 22, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Why does anyone take polls seriously any more, anyway? Why don't they just make up the rumors they want to hear? I have more faith in dreams, visions, astrologers, sheep guts inspected by Mesopotamian and Etruscan specialists.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:13 pm

True. Thanks for the reminder.

flamingpdog August 22, 2011 at 8:13 pm

"Will Sarah Palin Run?"
Listening to Sarah Palin speak gives me the runs.
Palin/Immodium/2012.

Barb August 22, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Okay, let's all predict and come back here to see how we did on our guess. They are speculating that she will announce on Sept 3rd. I say that she WILL run.

hollywooddood August 22, 2011 at 8:24 pm

I don't think she will, Barb. Not enough money in it and the Teabagger Republican clown car is already overloaded with stupid.

Barb August 22, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Thanks for your prediction. I think she is full of herself and thinks that she can win.

Radiotherapy® August 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm

holly's observation is cogent, but I'm with you Barb, she is an unpredictable sociopath. Who knows how that brain works (or a full 1/3 of Americans for that matter), but I don't think she could stand the sidelines while all that money and fame drives by in the clown car.

weejee August 22, 2011 at 8:50 pm

I'd agree with you on this Barb, except she has that for pay bit with Beck in St. Louis in October. I say she keeps griftin'.

Doktor Zoom August 22, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Sarah will run. She is far too narcissistic not to.

For that matter, after she loses the primaries, she will probably run as an independent.

After she loses, she will insist she is President.

And then she will resign, proclaiming "Mission Accomplished"

LetUsBray August 22, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I agree with you that her narcissism will impel her to run, although maybe she won't announce til after her big pay-date with BFF Glenn Beck.

Then she'll quit before Christmas when she realizes it's hard and her fourth-place status means she's not getting showered with gifts like she expects.

Callyson August 22, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Ah, but when will she quit?

hollywooddood August 22, 2011 at 9:09 pm

It depends. Has anyone told her the presidency lasts four years?

SorosBot August 22, 2011 at 9:09 pm

I don't think she'll run either; Sarah is all about the money, and there's no profit in actually running for president, why she'd actually have to spend some of that PAC cash instead of laundering it into her own bank account.

BlueStateLibel August 22, 2011 at 9:17 pm

I think she'll run, but only because she knows she won't be able to keep grifting if she doesn't. It'll give her at least another year to collect from the rubes. And then she can say she's a "former presidential" candidate, which Fox News will also use to try to bolster her crappy credentials.

AJWjr. August 22, 2011 at 9:24 pm

I'm more concerned that MSNBC will hire her, the same way they did Pat Buchanan and Michael Steele. Those two have cost that network me as a viewer. ARE YOU READING THIS RACHEL?

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 10:13 pm

I say she will not.

Barb August 22, 2011 at 10:41 pm

I want her to tell the American people her education record:
1978-1982: Wasilla High School, diploma, 2.2 GPA1982: Hawaii Pacific College (dropped out)1983: North Idaho Community College (dropped out)1984-1985: University of Idaho (dropped out)1985: Matanuska-Susitna Community College, AK (dropped out)1986-1987: University of Idaho, BA Communications

flamingpdog August 23, 2011 at 12:51 am

Yeah, but Barb, Sarah went to five colleges, while Barry only went to three, so he's only 3/5 as edumacated as Sarah!

Biel_ze_Bubba August 23, 2011 at 10:46 am

So that's where that fraction came from.

ShaveTheWhales August 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm

I've spent more time thinking about this than I should have done. It's hard to predict the behavior of someone whose mental processes you don't even want to understand.

My default position was, no, she won't run, because it would cut into her cash flow. However, she's not actually hitting that many big paydays any more, and she has, presumably, accumulated several million Ameros from her patsies. What changed my mind, ultimately, was remembering that she is not only a grifter but also a true famewhore.

You just don't get the same degree of adulation from a however-friendly paying crowd as you do from a political rally. So, I'm going with narcissism — YES, she will run. And if she's going to run, why not declare on Sep 3, when it will interfere with the coverage of Obama's "jobs plan speech".

berkeleyfarm August 22, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Sarah's all about trying to steal other's thunder these days.

flamingpdog August 23, 2011 at 12:53 am

Which all the more reason for her to declare on September 11, rather than September 3.

berkeleyfarm August 23, 2011 at 1:07 am

That's an interesting theory but I think she'd rather try to take on only Barry instead of the whole Anniversary thing.

ShaveTheWhales August 23, 2011 at 1:17 am

Interesting point. I see a few reasons why she won't do that.

(1) The memorial events may be sufficiently moving that they would overshadow her announcement. The 11th is a Sunday, so she wouldn't get on any of the Sunday shows for another week (of course, she could announce on the 9th, I suppose, but then she'd be splitting time with 9/11 retrospectives/blather).

(2) It's just remotely possible that some non-hardcore-bagger voters might regard the timing as, you know, tacky.

(3) Even the "liberal" MSM might be unable to completely ignore the fact that 9/11 occurred during Bush's administration.

BTW, you'll notice that none of these reasons was "She might realize that it would be terribly disrespectful".

berkeleyfarm August 22, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I think so too. The real pool is for when she makes up some excuse (probably using her human-shield spawn) to quit and get back to the regular grifting.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:38 pm

I've always said that Sarah has two conflicting forces working on her. The first force is the one that wants attention, and the second force is the one pure and utter depraved greed. This would seem to rule out the presidency, since the two don't exactly meet high enough on the graph for her – that is to say that she could make a helluva lot more money and get a helluva lot more attention on television – but, I have a this sick feeling that'll she'll run since she's already had practice in turning conventional politics right on its head. I think she's found a way to make those two forces meet high enough on her graph to make a run worth it for her.

HistoriCat August 23, 2011 at 10:01 am

September 12 – you get past those 9/11 anniversary memorials and the media is hungry for more.

GOPCrusher August 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm

The prediction has been that she will run since it was announced that she is giving the keynote address at the Tea Bagger Rally and Dove Hunt on Sept 3rd.
In fact they have moved the festivities from The Living History Farms to Indianola where the hot air balloon championships used to be held, in preparation of the thousands they expect to show up for The Second Coming.

Nostrildamus August 23, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I predict she will continue to tread the line between running and not running, to the point where she will have active campaign workers but remain a commentator on Fox. The story about whether she's running or not will become the story, dominating the headlines of even respectable news outlets. She will raise non-commitment to a true art form. This will be a turning point of our democracy.

Tundra Grifter August 22, 2011 at 8:20 pm

I don't think the Iowa State Fair needed another Butter Cow.

DahBoner August 22, 2011 at 9:07 pm

The Alaskacunt is starting to smell funny, like a hot Friday nighy at a Lesbian club…

zhubajie August 22, 2011 at 9:14 pm

She can be the Lard Hog.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Wrong animal. She's the prize pig, lipstick and all. "Some pig", indeed, bless her heart.

MLHencken August 22, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Her poll numbers will shoot right back up as soon as she dons the correct slutty outfit.

Naughty idiot librarian mode, activate!

Radiotherapy® August 22, 2011 at 8:40 pm

That oughta bump her to 40+.

Jukesgrrl August 22, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Cue the starbursts.

MichelesPantalones August 22, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Geezus. That just makes me think of Rich Lowry, fapping madly on the couch. Urk.

berkeleyfarm August 22, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Waterbra, activate!

deleted2055941 August 22, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Do you think the rain will hurt the rhubarb ? Not if its in cans !

The preceding comment was a test of the Earthbone comment testing program.
Please return to your comments.

mavenmaven August 22, 2011 at 8:31 pm

If indeed her plan to rebuild 'Merka is "do what we know" then we are in poor shape indeed.
"doggoneit… "

Rotundo_ August 22, 2011 at 8:32 pm

If it wasn't possible that one of these jackholes could end up president through a combination of the left staying home in frustration and the right showing up for anyone who isn't black, it would be great fun to watch them try to morph into something vaguely electable. Think of the intellectual contortions these guys are making to look like they aren't psychotic frothing nuts trying to drive the economy of the US in the toilet so we can become a third world manufacturing power again (or whatever the hell they're fucking doing besides lining their pockets and their puppetmasters pockets). RIcky already is turning inside out over Social Security, what are the rest of these morons going to do to top that? (Edited to add: The Aristocrats?)

occams8ball August 22, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Isn't it ultimately up to the supreme court anyway?

Gorillionaire August 22, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Now THAT would be a fucking bumper sticker!

Sue4466 August 22, 2011 at 8:37 pm

33% would vote for Palin? What the hell? I'm guessing it's the same folks who believe in the devil, think we faked the moon landing, believe Elvis is alive (and are glad Tupac is not, cause you know, black).

Biel_ze_Bubba August 23, 2011 at 10:49 am

Well, the moon landing was real.
And I know exactly where Elvis and Tupac are.

rocktonsam August 22, 2011 at 8:41 pm

squirmish

no really, just damn squirmish

the_problem_child August 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Is disgust anyone's fetish? I mean, could you fetishize that feeling and simultaneously get off?

SorosBot August 22, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Remember Rule 34; everything is somebody's fetish.

rocktonsam August 22, 2011 at 9:36 pm

fetish in what regard Charlie?

the_problem_child August 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Can you hook me up with Rule 34? I'm short a few rules for sex.

ShaveTheWhales August 22, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Everything on the internet will become porn.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Two words: Cleveland Steamer.

Google it. Also, Santorum. Also.

not that Dewey August 22, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Neil deGrasse Tyson to the NYTimes, when asked what he would do if he were president:

Our government doesn’t work — not because we have dysfunctional politicians, but because we have dysfunctional voters. As a scientist and educator, my goal wouldn’t be to lead a dysfunctional electorate…

Despite the moronic premise of the question, he handled himself pretty well, without saying "what is this? Eighth grade?" to the reporter.

emmelemm August 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Neil deGrasse Tyson is a bad-ass motherfucker.

No, seriously, that guy is awesome. (I briefly worked in a university department with him, so I've met him a few times.) He's gone on to bigger and better things. No one's going to save this place, but he'll give it a valiant effort.

not that Dewey August 22, 2011 at 10:58 pm

I'm envious.

There's something about astrophysicists that gives them, oh I don't know, perspective. The good ones are also quite adept at using precise, intentional language, which also helps.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Neil demoted Pluto, for which us sentimentalists will never forgive him.

not that Dewey August 23, 2011 at 12:18 am

It was either that or promote 300+ asteroids and Kuyper Belt objects. You expect American children to sit still through science class? Neil's just being a realist, man.

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 12:40 am

Yeah; look at all the Kupier Belt objects discovered, if Pluto was kept as a planet it would either require adding way too many other objects as official planets, or just keeping an anomalous body as a planet based on an accident of history, because it was easier to find, even though it's obviously not a planet like the core eight. It was the right call, though unpopular.

flamingpdog August 23, 2011 at 1:01 am

Pluto was the only planet discovered by a 'Mur'cun. Neil deGrasse Tyson, why do you hate America?

emmelemm August 23, 2011 at 2:36 am

Oh shit, that WAS him, wasn't it? I forgot about that.

Well, that just proves my point. He's a BAMF, knockin out planets and shit.

DashboardBuddha August 23, 2011 at 9:04 am
nonbeliever7 August 23, 2011 at 8:48 am

Karl Rove, Palin's tits and Pluto all in the same thread. I love you guys…really…

DashboardBuddha August 23, 2011 at 9:07 am

Agreed. Plus, his vests rock. Does he wear them when not on the show? If only I could find them in big & tall sizes.

zhubajie August 22, 2011 at 8:56 pm

So why doesn't Rove run for pres., if he's so smart?

DahBoner August 22, 2011 at 9:05 pm

"Jeff Gannon"?

zhubajie August 23, 2011 at 8:18 am

>

hollywooddood August 22, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Because he looks like a penis with glasses?

iburl August 22, 2011 at 9:43 pm

He's too busy running errands for his secret masters to be bothered with such a symbolic office. They like to leave that work to easily controllable puppets like Reagan, Bushies, Obama and Perry.

Warpde August 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm

I do believe you have answered your own question.

zhubajie August 22, 2011 at 8:57 pm

"giant thunderstorms of dildos raining down on Earth" = GOP candidates!

DahBoner August 22, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Well doggie, ain't this one fine kettle of pickled fetuses!

FrenchTwist40 August 22, 2011 at 10:18 pm

You've been drinking with Barbara Bush again, haven't you?

hilbillyheroine August 22, 2011 at 9:45 pm

So, she already held the family hootenanny to get their "hell yeah's"? She's gotta get that first…gather her slobbering slack-jaws at her knee, and then ask them THE QUESTION: "well, gosh-darn it, the exceptionalism is just so there lacking for the greatness and patriotism that those of us are so needing very badly, and America has gotten to be put back on tract, there in that city on a hill. Mama needs your blessing". Something like that, cuz that's how MAMA GRIZZLY rolls.

Jukesgrrl August 22, 2011 at 11:24 pm

I can't believe that poor, sad little munchkin who thought she was on a family vacation in New Hampshire would shout, "Hell, yeah." I think she's about ready to yell for a union membership if she has to be Trig's nanny for one more week. Seriously, that child needs therapy.

Weenus299 August 22, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Rove's the dickhead kid who pushes every button on an Empire State Building Elevator.

fuflans August 22, 2011 at 10:07 pm

this is not necessarily appropriate of snowgrifter but my cat fucking LOVES arcade fire.

and katy perry.

FrenchTwist40 August 22, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Y'know, Osama Bin-Laden always released a new video before he attacked America.

imissopus August 22, 2011 at 10:29 pm

If anyone would like to cheer up, here is a funny video of Donald Trump weighing in on Libya:
http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/08/

FidoMcCokefiend August 22, 2011 at 10:40 pm

I think the big question is who the fuck are the 12% of Democrats that support Palin in that poll?

ShaveTheWhales August 22, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Those would be "self-identified" Democrats, methinks.

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Authentic PUMAs.

SudsMcKenzie August 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm

This is good news for Kim Kardashian's wedding.

Beowoof August 22, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Why couldn't she be running from a pissed off polar bear?

donner_froh August 22, 2011 at 11:07 pm

I am trying to avoid seeing or listening to Sarah Palin. Especially hearing that voice–it sounds like 10 inch circular saw hitting a big knot in a while going through a board.

Warpde August 22, 2011 at 11:09 pm

"Obama holds a narrow 44% to 38% lead over Palin among male voters."

That is until the wet t-shirt contest.
Obama 99%. Palin……..Do relatives count?

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:09 pm

It'd be just like Sarah to wait until the last minute when the field is already settled to do a cannonball into this pool of candidates. Hopefully, it's shallow enough to injure her chances, as well.

Yes, run, Sarah. Run!

BTW, this was the most telling figure in the entire poll:

Obama holds a narrow 44% to 38% lead over Palin among male voters, but women prefer the incumbent by a sizable 56% to 29% margin.

Come on, dudes. Think with your head. The big one, not the little one, por favor.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 23, 2011 at 12:22 am

"It'd be just like Sarah to wait until the last minute when the field is already settled to do a cannonball into this pool of candidates. Hopefully, it's shallow enough to injure her chances, as well. "

Ah, the vaunted "Krauthammer Maneuver"

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 12:36 am

Hey, it worked for Fred Thompson. And by "worked" I mean "failed miserably".

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 2:40 am

ZOMG, it's a good thing I'm an atheist becoz if there was a hell, I would surely end up there for LMFAO at this.

Negropolis August 23, 2011 at 3:26 am

Oh, you are so going to Christian and Muslin hell for that…and I'll meet you there.

Jukesgrrl August 22, 2011 at 11:28 pm

If Bible Spice finds out how many Yahoo searches that Kardashian wedding got today (WAY more than the recent royal wedding), she will be marching Bristol down the aisle in a Vera Wang extravaganza in a matter of days. Can't you just see her commandeering the wedding toast to make her announcement?

Negropolis August 22, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Talk about a show-mom bridezilla. It'd be epic. Or, in the words of Trump "(H)UGE!"

SorosBot August 23, 2011 at 12:03 am

What's a Kardashian (besides a misspelling of the Star Trek species)?

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 12:05 am

I've often wondered that myself. It seems to refer to a group of youngish females who all look surprisingly alike, and very much like their mother. Enough to make one wonder about parthenogenesis, anyway. I can't understand exactly what it is they *do,* since I've never heard of them except as celebrities.

not that Dewey August 23, 2011 at 12:22 am

Bristol, honey — I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but SARAH PALIN IS THE BEST REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE OF ALL TIME

berkeleyfarm August 23, 2011 at 1:12 am

How would the potential groom be located? With the help of the traditional shotgun?

Sarah was smart to hold off on the wedding last time to see if they still needed him after the election. Turns out, no, so under the bus he went.

horsedreamer_1 August 23, 2011 at 10:12 am

I was going to say Levi, but maybe they could cross pop-culture streams & snare Maci's estranged baby-father from Teen Mom. He seems like enough of a refined redneck — by which I mean, he listens to country but dresses like Travis from Blink-182 — to have appeal both to Bristol & Bristol's mom's base.

berkeleyfarm August 24, 2011 at 1:43 am

Levi's way gone under the bus. The post-Levi BFs have scampered as well. But I think you have a good idea there. I bet he likes wine coolers.

HistoriCat August 23, 2011 at 10:15 am

Bristol would have to have a sex tape "stolen" first. Then she could build up to the big wedding.

johnnyzhivago August 22, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Is the someplace to click if you find the video "objectionable"?

not that Dewey August 23, 2011 at 12:24 am

Karl Rove forces Dewey to write another "Will Karl Rove ever SFTU?" comment.

ibwilliamsi August 23, 2011 at 1:44 am

How the fuck is she a "Presidential hopeful"? Because she hopes to be President? I think not!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 23, 2011 at 4:48 am

There is no chance that Sarah will run in 2012, she is waiting for Willow's out-of-wedlock pregnancy in 2016, to be followed by a second term and Piper's unplanned pregnancy in 2020, when she will narrowly beat Oprah Winfrey

Comrade Wingtard August 23, 2011 at 7:43 am

The 30% rule is clearly in effect.

Terry August 23, 2011 at 8:58 am

Her "Iowa Passion" lasted about a day, then she quit. Sounds par for the course.

tcaalaw August 23, 2011 at 9:19 am

I can't decide whether Palin came up with this on her own or if elements of the Republican establishment pushed her to do it to splinter Bachmann and Perry's support and smooth Mitt's path to the nomination.

genxr August 23, 2011 at 9:39 am

Or the military industrial entertainment complex needs to boost their TV ratings and cultivate a new crop of reality teevee stars.

Jukesgrrl August 23, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Hmmm. Should we really give them that much credit for organization? They're devious enough to DO it, I'm just not sure they're smart enough to think of it. (So don't go talking to Rinse the Prius anytime soon.)

SaintRond August 23, 2011 at 9:42 am

Jim Thompson had these kinds of characters down pat, even down to the clothes they wear. Sarah Palin easily could have done the wardrobe for "The Grifters."

In all those Jim Thompson books, there's a young female crook in love with a young male crook. But the young male crook always has a mom who's totally ruthless and dresses just like Sarah Palin and who despises the young female crook who's messing with her baby boy. And ultimately, some hideous secret is always revealed at the end and it's nearly always INCEST.

That cunt.

LiveToServeYa August 23, 2011 at 9:52 am

Who cares? If she runs, it'll just be one more flake in the bowl.

DesertDingo August 23, 2011 at 10:05 am

Did they film this through a glass of root beer?

MLite August 23, 2011 at 10:29 am

I just threw up in my mouth a little, for Freedom.

ttommyunger August 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Run? I think she should just ride her Menstrual Cycle. Sorry, I got nothing.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi August 23, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Karl Rove is acting very guilty
Lots & lots & lots of stuttering.

peaceocrap August 24, 2011 at 12:56 am

The two things that aren't clear to me at this point are:
a.) How is Sarah the victim, and
b.) How will Obama cave?

This is 2011, people! Palin is the victim and Obama caves: PVOC or GTFO.

Troglodeity August 24, 2011 at 1:12 pm

I'm surprised someone hasn't already filmed a pilot about the hilarious hijinks in the Palin White House: "Beverly Hillbillies" meets "The West Wing."

flamingpdog August 23, 2011 at 12:44 am

I'd be more than happy to golden shower her with gifts.

not that Dewey August 23, 2011 at 1:06 am

It's only because Tombaugh's telescope was unable to resolve Pluto and Charon into two distinct objects (which didn't happen until the 70s) that it even got considered in the first place. It has a non-repeating, chaotic orbit that does not lie in the plane of the solar system, and there are dozens of solar system objects larger than Pluto. WTF? I fail to see the scandal.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 11:10 am

Green Blood Libel, I'm sure.

HistoriCat August 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I yield to your obvious excellence.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 1:22 pm

ZOMG ELEBENTY!! Does that mean I can rub your belly?

HistoriCat August 23, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Sure – as long as you don't mind a nip or two on the hand during the rubbing.

MichelesPantalones August 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Nips? I'm more accustomed to lacerations requiring sopping up of blood. Also screaming. Nips, I can handle.

C'mere.

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