Rick Perry Has a Large Collection of Boots and ‘Medical Tests’

  hoarders

I think I'll name this dog BOOTS, after all my BOOTS! Heh hehEvery day is Christmas for Future President Cowboy Rick Perry. This is partially because that is the law down in Texas, where as much as they want to “teach Creationism” to their children, they are cursed with the burden of also including some facts about science, even though all the miniature Rick Perrys find it so boring, and wrong. ANYWAY. Every day is Christmas because Rick Perry sure does get a lot of gifts, just like the little niño Jesus got, in the manger. Specifically, people just love sending Rick Perry crates full of hair gel and boots. And also “medical tests,” so maybe Rick Perry also suffers from migraines, like all the most gifted Republican candidates!

Rick Perry must report all his gifts, which is lucky for us, because we get to know about all the weird things that everyone is anxious to send Rick Perry.

Perry reported accepting “medical tests” or “medical assessments” in 2001 and 2010 from Dr. Kenneth Cooper of Dallas, Texas, an exercise guru regarded as the father of aerobics, and also in 2010 from Dr. Randy Hickle, an anesthesiologist who founded a state-of-the art primary care facility in Lubbock, Texas.

Then there are the boots.

Perry, his wife and children have accepted pairs from El Paso’s J. Robert Brown, a Texas Parks and Wildlife Commission member; Fort Worth auto dealer Roger Williams, who Perry appointed Secretary of State; oilman and major GOP donor Harold Courson; and real estate developer Fausto Yturria.

But Perry’s most prolific boot-giver by far is famed Houston bootmaker Rocky Carroll, who has given Perry at least 10 pairs of custom-made boots since 1991, according to the filings, including a 2008 pair bearing the insignia of the Republican Governors Association, which Perry chaired until stepping down to run for president.

Carroll — who has made boots for everyone from Queen Elizabeth and Liz Taylor to former Presidents Carter, Reagan and Bush (both 41 and 43) —told POLITICO his boots start at $500 a pair. Though he said he wants nothing in return for the pairs he’s given to Perry and other dignitaries, he did concede in a March interview with the St. Petersberg Times that it’s good advertising to have presidents wearing his boots.

And he predicted Perry “is going to be the next president,” recounting a call he made to the governor’s cell phone this week.

“I said ‘I’ve already started your boots with the presidential seal on them,’” said Carroll. “So he can wear them and break them in.”

Cowboy boots will be such a great change for America, and so much more fun than those Seal of the President burqas that Obama tried to bring into vogue. [Politico]

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Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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161 comments

  1. PristinePantalones

    When are we going to wipe this smarmy little buttlick off the pages of History? I can't wait.

  2. PuckStopsHere

    I don't care how many pair he owns, he still couldn't pour piss out of any of them if the directions were printed on the heel. (Thanks to LBJ for the quote…)

    1. Swampgas_Man

      re: Pearls Before Swine: "Not quite, but you get bonus points for sticking your head in and trying to dry the piss w/ your hair."

  3. Barb

    Wonder if Marcus Bachmann will get gifts of man clogs from anyone? There is no gayer shoe, or is there?

        1. PristinePantalones

          Please don't tell me Marcus strikes you as self-respecting. (Actually, if he strikes you, don't tell me at all.)

    1. PristinePantalones

      Sorry, Barb, I'm going with "Crocs" for teh pinnacle of ghey.

      Although I really think of Marcus as more of an ostrich mules sort of guy. Maybe in a deep shade of electric pink. Eh?

    1. DahBoner

      "when he wears his hooker boots."

      They have little spurs, in the shape of the Star of David, to help him gain purchase???

  4. iburl

    A mindless rich pretty boy fake cowboy christian evangelical Texas governor who got his start in big time politics from Karl Rove, as the president… I wonder what that will be like?

    1. Nothingisamiss

      Well, as you know, it doesn't matter who you vote for. That guy from texas, or whoever the other "democrat" in the race is. I mean, after all, both parties are exactly the same. What could go wrong if the republicans were in charge? What, I ask you, what could go so fucking wrong??!!!?!?!

      *sobs*

  5. OkieDokieDog

    Oh! He's so cute I just want to kiss him!

    The puppeh named BOOTS, not the Puss-in-Boots that's holding him.

  6. genxr

    This weekend I'm going to cheer myself up by imagining Rick Perry on election night, losing, but wearing an expensive pair of boots with the Presidential seal, already worn in.

        1. poncho_pilot

          sorry. better like this?

          "…and nothing else but shame a Snuggie…"

          feel free to substitute Slanket for Snuggie.

  7. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, out with it, how many "sessions" with Marcus Bachmann has Perry been "gifted" over the years?

    1. DahBoner

      Well, those Spanish vaqueros were short little shits.

      They needed a few extra inches, like Tom Cruse…

  8. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This just proves that Rick Perry would be in touch with the poor, since he gets gifts all the time just like they get food stamps and welfare. He understands what they must feel like.

  9. nounverb911

    “I said ‘I’ve already started your boots with the presidential seal on them,’”
    Are they in Obama's size?

      1. PristinePantalones

        Maybe after President Obama kicks his ass up one side and down the other, he can take away his boots, just to make (P)Rick cry.

        1. DahBoner

          Yeah, who would have thunk that Rick Perry is just another Republican who wants to lose to Obama in 2012???

    1. Negropolis

      Well, if his bowling shoes are any evidence (size 13), I think we're gonna' need some bigger boots. The dude is like Sideshow Bob, he is.

  10. SexySmurf

    "Yeah, fairies wear boots and you gotta believe me
    Yeah I saw it, I saw it, I tell you no lies
    Yeah Fairies wear boots and you gotta believe me
    I saw it, I saw it with my own two eyes"

  11. OC_Surf_Serf

    Perry reported accepting “medical tests” or “medical assessments”

    Why, no chickens?

    1. PristinePantalones

      Why stop at one? After all, the Wah Poo assures us that Perry "has a HUGE opening." Let's see how HUGE.

    2. DahBoner

      Those boots are pointed so you can kill cockroaches in corners.

      Comes in handy down in Cockroach land, I mean Texas…

    1. PristinePantalones

      My ex, of course. We couldn't pass a shoe store without a lengthy (and excruciatingly boring) excursion therein for YAPS (Yet Another Pair of Shoes, in case some mutt-lover gets on my case). Boxes and boxes and shelves and suitcases full of shoes.

  12. weejee

    Regards Senor Perry's boots, they aren't called shit kickers for nothin'.

    Regards Professor Perry's Tejas edjumacation pronouncement, science can't be good science if you load it up with all these observations, and measurements, and facts bullpucky. Science is much better understood after 6 or 10 pints of a good strong stout just before you start worshiping at the porcelain shrine.

  13. GuanoFaucet

    The greatest gift Perry ever received, bottomless stupidity, was given to him by the gene fairy.

    1. Negropolis

      Heathen. It wasn't given to him by evolution, but by the good Lord, who has a wicked sense of humor, at times.

      1. DahBoner

        Exactly!

        It's called "Intentional Ignorance" and it is something to work at, ignoring all those facts and logical statements, sure does tucker a feller out…

  14. Callyson

    Oh great–now my dog is after me to go rescue that cute puppy from Perry's clutches. Poor pooch does look frightened…

  15. JoshuaNorton

    Channeling Molly Ivins:

    ‘The next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president, please pay attention!’

    1. ThundercatHo

      Was that engraved on her tombstone? If not, it should have been. If Ricky gets the nomination all us Wonketteers are gonna have to wear Tshirts with that quote. Many, many upfists for you.

  16. poncho_pilot

    human interest stories about sociopath politicians. wake me up when he has one giant boot that he fits his whole body in and jumps on turtles and mushrooms with.

    until then he's just another shithead from Texas.

  17. widget2011

    To bad we can't stuff all dem der boots up his ass, no doubt they would fit, comfortably. I'm pretty sure he'll find a way to stick them all in his mouth by the end of 2011.

  18. hilbillyheroine

    OMG OMG. I have a new neighbor, from Maricopa County, AZ! I didn't know it until I helped him get himself out of a locked truck. He took a glass of "sweet tea" from me, and sat down, waited for help. He's a staunch tea-partier, and I confessed I'm a liberal. He drank the sweet tea. He all of a sudden started agreeing with me. I think my sweet tea should get a patent.

    1. widget2011

      You sure that "sweet tea" isn't spiked with phenobarbital, or LSD? Sounds rather Alice-In-Wonder-Landish to me.

      1. hilbillyheroine

        Just good a good old-fashioned killer dose of sugar, BABY. LOL. Maybe that's the secret! Teabaggers need sugar: Lots and lots of sugar.

          1. V572 T-Blow

            Well they can’t have alcohol or tobacco, let alone “drugs.” So the only mood-altering substance available is the insulin rush. Plus Jell-O, which is sugar too.

          2. Negropolis

            Alchohol and tobacoo? Hell, they can't even drink hot cocoa lest they tempt the devil, let alone dark tea.

    2. widget2011

      I've got a great idea. You need to invite Maricopa County's Sheriff Joe Arpaio over for some tea (bagging). Maybe since he always seems to have his panties in a bundle, or has a tighty-whitey permanent wedgie, you could talk some sense into him.

  19. hilbillyheroine

    I am thinking of opening a clinic, with my "sweet tea". It's oklahoma. We have lots of conservatives. If I could just get 1/2 of the people who lock their keys in their gun-racked trucks, I could make MILLIONS. With my sweet tea.

    1. Negropolis

      I see what you're doing. If the kindness doesn't kill 'em, contributing to their Type 2 diabetes will. Genius! Bwahahaha!!!

  20. Negropolis

    There was an old governor who lived in his boots,
    He spewed so much shit and hubris, no one knew quite what to do…

    1. DashboardBuddha

      or…

      There was an old governor that lived in a boot
      He was surrounded by browns so he learned how to shoot.

  21. HedonismBot

    Designer clothing is an acceptable gift for a politician one supports, and should not be viewed with any special political significance. As I recall, George Dubya Bush received some quality dunce caps from his more prominent admirers. Dick Cheney got some stylish leather hoods and cats-o-nine-tails.

  22. Gunner Asch

    I'm tired of shelling out 12 bucks every couple of years for a new pair of Costco sneakers. Won't somebody please start buying them for me?

    1. PristinePantalones

      Well, there's your problem, dood. If you were paying $500 a pair for them boots, they'd last longer than two years. Also, people would give them to you for free. (Notice how nobody ever gives us poorz cheap shit for free?)

    2. Nothingisamiss

      R U RICH? Are you in congress? Are you mighty famous for being in reality teevee? Then you do not deserve free gifts, my friend.

  23. hilbillyheroine

    Maricopa Theracopa 501C -3. Cuz only Jesus can cure your of your racial, ethnic, and gay phobias. Jesus can stop all those tax dollars, too.

    1. Rotundo_

      Most folks get squirrelly with just a finger, this one asked for the whole hand and moaned and purred when it was up him. I just guess Texans do everything bigger….

  24. x111e7thst

    So will BofA want Perry to wear the boots with the Presidential Seal along with the garter belt and stockings for their private sessions?

  25. DashboardBuddha

    While here in New Hampster, RP told a kid who asked a question about the teaching of evolution. RP basically said that in Texas, they teach both and folks can make up their own minds.

    ahem…

    YOU CANNOT "MAKE UP YOUR MIND" ABOUT FACTS!

    1. Negropolis

      In Rick Perry's America you can, that's for sure.

      I like how Melissa Harris Perry said on MSNBC, last morning, that she should got home and teach her daughter that 2 + 2 = 4 & 6 and let her decide which is correct. lol

    2. DahBoner

      "in Texas, they teach both and folks can make up their own minds."

      Yup, every Texan should take an elevator to the highest building around and then jump off.

      After all, gravity is "just a theory" and every Texan should "make up their own mind" about the validity of that theory.

      JUMP, TEXANS, JUMP!!!!

  26. mumbly_joe

    In Rick Perry's defense, though, 2010 was after Obamacare passed, which means those two tests BOTH COULD HAVE KILLED HIM.

  27. mayor_quimby

    Are my eyes messed up, or is there something fucking wrong with that puppy. It looks like he has rear wing flaps, WTF?

    1. finallyhappy

      I thought the puppy was wearing a cape(because Perry likes his superhero dogs) but it is actually Perry''s shirt – as yoou ahve probably figured out in the 19 hours since you posted

  28. KeepFnThatChicken

    It isn't the boots that cause the swagger… it's the chafing. It's what happens when you rub an asshole the wrong way.

  29. Robman2

    OK, the as in THE boot maker is Lucchese in EPT, so the second rate Governor (The LT actually manages the State) hasn't driven far enough west it seems, but in EPT, there are way too many Mezicans. OF course we do not know, which boots besides the Rock have landed on the Austin runways O' fashion.

    Another odd fact, I believe the dome in the state building, is still lined with tinfoil left over from Dubya's reign, could splain' a few things..

  30. Left_Leftie

    Fort Worth auto dealer Roger Williams, who Perry appointed Secretary of State = Heck of Job Brownie.
    Texas sucks sorry, it just does.

  31. Negropolis

    If you want a picture of a Rick Perry presidency, my friends, imagine a cowboy boot stamping on a human face — forever.

      1. Negropolis

        Perry disgusts me to a degree that even Dubya couldn't when he first ran. There doesn't seem to be anything authentic or even well-meaning about Perry. Nothing. He just reeks of prideful, arrogant ignorance all the way down.

        1. DahBoner

          "He just reeks of prideful, arrogant ignorance all the way down."

          In other words, just a regular Texan..

  32. Ancient_Hacker

    I wonder how many of those medial tests involved someone checking out his prostate, form the inside?

    I do NOT want to see the Youtube video of this.

  33. Porter Melmoth

    I will join the millions who are ready to cheerfully adopt that poor puppy in order to save it from certain DinglePerrian doom (and Mutual Assured Domination).

  34. Warpde

    “I said ‘I’ve already started your boots with the presidential seal on them,’” said Carroll. “So he can wear them and break them in.”
    Hey Carrol.
    Don't forget to make em lose enough to slip in some sheep legs.
    Bah…ha..ha…ha…ha!

  35. ttommyunger

    Gosh, what a couple of cuties. The little one must be a Black Lab, and I'm guessing the big one with all the wrinkles is a Shar Pei. BTW, I couldn't help noticing Governor Fuck-Stick is wearing his wedding band on the inside, behind his Class Ring. Must have been impressed during his Air Farce Days by the Ring-Knockers from Colorado Springs… Doesn't take much to impress some people.

  36. dahboner

    Shit, Perry has already tried the quack treatment of taking stem cells out of his fat and injecting them into his back.

    Hey Rick!

    Don’t let them Doctors, with their fancy education and book learnin’ tell YOU what to do.

    Ya better get started on this latest treatment

  37. DahBoner

    Shit, Perry has already tried the quack treatment of taking stem cells out of his fat and injecting them into his back.

    Hey Rick!

    Don't let them Doctors, with their fancy education and book learnin' tell YOU what to do.

    Ya better get started on this latest treatment

Comments are closed.