KLEPTOCRACY  1:33 pm August 19, 2011

Bank of America Exec Whispers To Rick Perry: ‘We’ll Help You Out’ (VIDEO)

by Ken Layne


Criminal mortgage-fraud syndicate Bank of America announced today that it’s laying off another 10,000 workers. Also, BofA has been caught employing a military contractor to conduct “cyber war” against business journalists reporting on Bank of America’s constant crimes. What else has BofA been up to, other than having a 50% plunge in stock value this year that is destroying the pension funds and 401ks of millions of relatively innocent Americans? Here’s some BofA douche (is that a toupee?) whispering tenderly to Texan corporate clown Rick Perry. What’s he promising?

All this guy says is that he’s a Bank of America executive, and “we’ll help you out.” Maybe if Rick Perry becomes president, he can do the same kind of corporate crony handout of millions/billions in taxpayer dollars to giant, needy corporations that he’s done as governor of Texas?! And maybe Rick Perry would do more of this than Obama and Bush? Because how much has BofA already sucked out of America in the TARP I and TARP II schemes? $45 billion? $100 billion? It is hard to keep track of such confusing numbers!

The important thing is that BofA executives aren’t getting enough billions, in bonuses and corporate jets and smooth Puerto Rican houseboys. Rick Perry to the rescue! (Also, idiot BofA executives: Those big cameras and boom microphones that say “CSPAN”? Those make talky pictures go to the teevees on the YouTubes.)

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 223 comments }

nounverb911 August 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Welcome to TARP III.

mog253 August 19, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Son of TARP

dr_giraud August 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm

in 3D!

nounverb911 August 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm

A. P. Giannini is spinning in his grave.

GeorgiaBurning August 19, 2011 at 2:22 pm

AP's legacy was sold out quite a while ago to Nations Bank

ProgressiveInga August 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm
widestanceshakedown August 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Needs more 'big mouthfuls':
http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2011/08/18/29890

slithytoves August 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Wonkette is starting to look like an Onion finance section.

subsum August 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Well, you can't make this shit up. It's just too precious to ignore. Seriously.

lilblacktombo August 19, 2011 at 2:51 pm

THE SOLUTION: KILL ALL THE GRABBLERS

memzilla August 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm

TARP = That A**hat Rethuglican, Perry.

Tommmcatt August 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Sweet, hot, steamy, sticky LURVE for the Risckster! Yeah, BOA, whisper to me about the money! Tell me how high those bonds are rated…ohh yeah, baby, get them to rate them higher, higher, harder, OOOH!

mog253 August 19, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Ok, now I need to go hose myself off.

Negropolis August 19, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Uh-oh!

SorosBot August 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm

So the criminals at Bank of America are borrowing criminal tactics from their friends at Fox "News". Lovely.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm

One good thing about a PArry presidency: deficits won't matter anymore!

jus_wonderin August 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm

That is true. Just wait, if it happens (and I pray it won't) when an R get the WH back they won't give a damn about spending and deficits.

V572 T-Blow August 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Damn, those were the days! Who said that? Oh yeah, Cheney. Wonder how he feels about it now.

AJWjr. August 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Interesting term, everyone knows cheney doesn't "feel".

millerdunwoody August 19, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Almost makes you want to wish for a Republican to win just to see if that's true.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Reagan: deficits don't matter, Clinton: Deficits bad; Bush II: Deficits don't matter.
The last three go 'rounds of republican rhetoric don't clinch it for you?

proudgrampa August 19, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Hell, we're so freakin' doomed, deficits don't matter now!

Just sayin'.

Texan_Bulldog August 19, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Dude wasn't talking about a quid pro quo. He was just letting him know he'd help him finance that jet ski Rick's been looking at. Such a cynical crew here!

johnnyzhivago August 19, 2011 at 2:52 pm

A JetSki??? A Texan would rather wear a rainbow teashirt in a New York gay bar than be seen on a JetSki. They were OBVIOUSLY talking about a truck. Where else is Perry supposed to hang his nuts?

Infrogmation August 19, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Over the boardroom doorway at the Bank of America Headquarters?

Come here a minute August 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm

"douche tenderly" — I would hope so.

weejee August 19, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Normally a fire hose isn't used, that's for true.

Pragmatist2 August 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm

By "we" he means "the money we scam from our customers."

skoalrebel August 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Rick Perry loves America, just like all true patriots. [spit!].
The Bank of America is America's bank, obviously.
Therefore, all true patriots must love the Bank of America.

Stop the hate, libtards! [spit!] You must assume the position and feel the love, the love of America and its Bank.

LettucePrey August 19, 2011 at 1:48 pm

My brother works for BofA. However, his job is safe because he works in loan modifications, wringing impossible subprime mortgage payments out of teh poors. Is there no greater patriotism than that?

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 2:26 pm

That last sentence was … just not hate-filled and foamy enough, skoalrebel. Could you try again?

fartknocker August 19, 2011 at 2:29 pm

OT, but I found a theme song for Skoal Rebel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eucjAdCtkJM&fe

mog253 August 19, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Hey, we already bent over for BOFA.

BlueStateLibel August 19, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Actually, Bank of America is Eye-Talian…From Wikipedia: "Bank of Amerca's history dates to 1904, when Amadeo Giannini founded the Bank of Italy in San Francisco to cater to immigrants who were denied service from other banks. Amadeo was raised by the Fava/Stanghellini family when his father was shot while trying to collect on a $10.00 debt."

GOPCrusher August 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Damn. You just can't argue with logic like that.
USA! USA! USA!

Monsieur_Grumpe August 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm

It kind of looks like he was grabbing Perry’s ass or maybe he was slipping some excess tarp money in Perry’s back pocket.

MissusBarry August 19, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Ricky would appreciate both.

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 2:08 pm

More likely slipping the money in his front pocket. Change even Ricky can believe in.

dr_giraud August 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm

"slipping the money in his front pocket" That's a reacharound, BofA style.

Mapmonger August 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Has anyone tried feeding that guy's mug into Facebook, to see if it gets auto-tagged? I want to know who that clown is, so we can all point and laugh at his nakedness and shame. Because you know we'll find it there.

Urban_Achiever August 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm

The executive is James Mahoney, the bank's director of public policy. (per thestreet.com)
Have at it, Mapmonger!

dr_giraud August 19, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Aw shit, now the poor guy will get tons of harassing calls. . . . From Bachmann, Romney, and any other Rethug candidate looking for some sweet BofA action.

Callyson August 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm

But in what form will the help arrive? Money, chicks, blow? Come on, BofA, be specific here…

ProgressiveInga August 19, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Chicks? This is the Rickster we're talking about. Where the dudes at?

FNMA August 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Lawyers, guns and money.
Sweet, sweet money.

poncho_pilot August 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

four colly birds, three french hens, two pairs of nylon stockings, one combination miniature Russian phrase book and Bible, and a large quantity of the powdered black meat of the giant aquatic Brazilian centipede.

chicken_thief August 19, 2011 at 2:21 pm

All of them, Katie.

mayor_quimby August 19, 2011 at 8:20 pm

I think he meant announcing 10,000 layoffs today, what a bunch of fuckery!
'We wouldn't want to help the economy by hiring folks, ricky boy!'

BlueStateLibel August 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm

And BofA's military contractor launches drone on Ken Layne in 1, 2, 3, … and I come back later and see my dear Wonkette illegally shut down and foreclosed on.

Negropolis August 19, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Silly, they'll never find Ken's secret bunker under the floor of the Mojave Desert. Damn! I've said too much..

prommie August 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm

I wonderr if he will change his name before the Rickster appoints him Secretary of the Treasury?

V572 T-Blow August 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm

As nounverb911 points out, Bank of America used to be Bank of Italy, founded by A P Giannini. (Oh, and that awful insurance company Transamerica who built the world's ugliest skyscraper in SF and used to fuck my employees out of their 401[k]s, used to be part of BofA too, until the late, lamented Glass-Steagel Act made them cough up the life insurance and brokerage business.) When they were just the biggest bank in CA, they were pure evil. Now, having swallowed two other abject failures (Countrywide and Merrill Lynch) they threaten the continued existence of our economy/are too big to fail! Thank Jeebus Bush-style government by catastrophe didn't end on Inauguration Day 2009!

Radiotherapy® August 19, 2011 at 1:53 pm

V, thanks for the corporate capitalism crash course. Couple that with the posted video and I'll be dejected for the rest of the day.

V572 T-Blow August 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I'm here to serve. And by the way, as Mozart said, believing oligarchy and shitting capitalism are two very different things.

KotBR August 19, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Don't forget that they also ate up credit card/personal finance vampire MBNA back in the mid-2000s. Who needs regulations?

V572 T-Blow August 19, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Plus the big NC bank that they “merged” with in ’88 or so, whose name escapes me. And don’t forget that Visa was their invention.

bumfug August 19, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Right, original name: BankAmericard.

bikerlaureate August 19, 2011 at 3:27 pm

'88? Were you referring to NationsBank eating 'em up…?

Hmmm. Security Pacific didn't fall until '92.

AJWjr. August 19, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Yeah. I had a motley fool card underwritten by MBNA, which was nice. when BofA eated them, I dropped it due to past ugliness visited upon me by BofA.

DashboardBuddha August 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Oh yeah? Than why don't they call it the Bank of Amerigo?

OhNoGuy August 19, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Banco Vespucci?

elviouslyqueer August 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm

(Also, idiot BofA executives: Those big cameras and boom microphones that say “CSPAN”? Those make talky pictures go to the teevees on the YouTubes.)

"Gotcha media" explanation rollout in 3…2…1…

mog253 August 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm

As usual, out of context, he was talking about getting Perry some coffee. Really.

Giveusabob August 19, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I actually see nothing wrong with the behavior of Mr. BoA Loud-Mouth here, and I do hope he carries on under more CSPAN booms.

mavenmaven August 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm

The exec promised Perry he would have BoA's hackers take down Wonkette.

weejee August 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Using their 16-bit understanding of long (far) pointers?

Monsieur_Grumpe August 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Nerd.

V572 T-Blow August 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm

I have a dash in my screen name because I know their MS-DOS 3.1-based software can't handle it.

emmelemm August 19, 2011 at 2:12 pm

That's awesome and made my day.

V572 T-Blow August 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Thanks! Sometimes geekiness is useful.

under_score August 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm

If you change your mind, call me!

bagofmice August 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm

We use QWORDS now, old!

weejee August 19, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Olde, please.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Perry is so dumb he probably thought the guy was offering to get him another plate of breakfast shrimp.

bagofmice August 19, 2011 at 2:22 pm

It's like I was thinking about a plate, or shrimp. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Plate o'shrimp!

Monsieur_Grumpe August 19, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Nothing is going to happen until they rub each other’s hair.

Barb August 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I'm hoping that the Bank of America is going to help Rick get some student loans to go back to college and try a little harder.

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Marcus can go back to school, too, and get a real PhD, the two of them can room together at the frat house, and they can try a little "harder" together. Also.

widestanceshakedown August 19, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Two queens, one corn dog?

Nostrildamus August 19, 2011 at 3:36 pm
widestanceshakedown August 19, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I knew that was what was lurking behind that link!

Barb August 19, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Did you see where Michele was going around and calling herself "Doctor Bachmann?"
Bachmann received a J.D. — the standard law school degree — from Oral Roberts University, and an LL.M. in tax law from William & Mary in 1988. The LL.M. does count as a postdoctoral degree, as Bachmann says, because it came after she had received a "terminal degree" — that is, a degree that can't be directly improved upon. But while J.D. (juris doctor) has the word "doctor" in it, it is not accepted practice for J.D.'s to refer to themselves as "Dr."

SorosBot August 19, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Speaking as a lawyer, the only lawyers I've known who've used the title "Dr." do so because they also have an MD or PhD. That's just ridiculous.

Barb August 19, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Are you a lawyer?

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. And as a doctor, Michele would definitely be a quack.

Geminisunmars August 19, 2011 at 4:28 pm

My husband received an honorary degree, and he turns bright red (from embarassment) whenever anyone insists on calling him Dr. Geminisunmars.

V572 T-Blow August 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I guess it's also possible that by "We'll help ya out," he meant, "We'll put you in a subprime mortgage with a time-bomb attached."

Chillwaver August 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm

BoA must be Plan B (God was Plan A)

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm

So the suit in the video is JEEBUS???

memzilla August 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Perry's latest campaign slogan: 'Backwalking What I Just Said Or Heard — For Freedom!"

freakishlywrong August 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Yosemite Douche there truly is Bank of America's Governor.

Beowoof August 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

I knew there was a reason I got my cash out of Bank of (Fucking) America(ns)

hollywooddood August 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm

You have cash?

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 2:33 pm

The minute they announced they were buying Countrywide, I pulled all my money out. I last banked with BofA some 20+ years ago, and they were the most atrocious bloodsuckers I have ever had the displeasure of doing business with.

CapnFatback August 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Perhaps the nice bank man is rushing off to call Wildlife Control to help Perry out from under the mangy animal that has been perched upon his head.

bumfug August 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

The only reason Rick Perry wants to be president is because the bribes are bigger.

aguacatero August 19, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Don't be dissing Texas, where bribe bigness is big bidness.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:06 pm

There aren't any limits on contributions in Texas, so they aren't even "bribes" just "business"

MissusBarry August 19, 2011 at 1:48 pm

What does Jeebus say about banks fellating governors?

metamarcisf August 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

It's Perry's position that sound economic theory should be taught right alongside creationism in public schools so that students can make up their own minds.

OC_Surf_Serf August 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Ok, I get it now…Banker help good, while ACORN help is treason…

(Welcome back, Mr Layne…)

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Dude, I didn't even notice this was a Ken Layne Post until you mentioned it. Usually I'm too depressed to comment after reading a post from the Great One.

Lucidamente1 August 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

To paraphrase Ronnie, "The ten most terrifying words in the English language are 'I'm from Bank of America and we'll help you out.'"

SexySmurf August 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Gov. Goodhair doesn't need BofA's help:

Perry Made More Than a Million on Real Estate While in Office.

Who knew you could get rich buying land from your political cronies and selling it to well-connected businessmen?

widestanceshakedown August 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Well, that and the porn business (actually, that was not a huge money maker for him, so Big Jeebis will give him a pass).

PuckStopsHere August 19, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Perry bought land on LBJ Lake? Johnson is spinning in his grave at about 500 rpm right now, would be my guess. Say what you what about his disastrous war in Vietnam, Lyndon Johnson–unlike Gov. Goodhair–gave a damn about poor people.

mumbly_joe August 20, 2011 at 6:54 am

Darryl Issa?

BornInATrailer August 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

♪♫Rick Perry to the rescue!
Go, Rick Perry! Go, Rick Perry!

bumfug August 19, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Yeah, he's just "Jim Dandy" alright!

gullywompr August 19, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Ruby Starr Libel!!!

x111e7thst August 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

If Rick Perry's Texas manages to secede and become the Republic of FuckTardistan will BofA change its name?

poncho_pilot August 19, 2011 at 1:55 pm

yes. The Republic of Texas Treasury Department.

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 2:25 pm

What makes you think we are going to get to keep the name "America" when Texas secedes? It'll be the only real Americans doing the seceding.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Thank goodness the Democrats have decided to bring these monsters to justice.
~

bikerlaureate August 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Your post was so dry that my LCD monitor is now looking a little peaked.

Right on the money, though, for this compassionate anticonservative.

GOPCrusher August 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm

That is one major disappointment from the 2008 Crash. All of these "too big to fail" banks should have been nationalized, torn apart into little pieces and then sold off. From the S&L Scandal, over 1000 people were convicted, so far 8 people have been convicted for their roles in the Housing Bubble Crash.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:08 pm

No fucking shit, they should have. We have been sold so far down the river we're paddling by hand out in the oil slick gulf.

Fox n Fiends August 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm

This video alone should send every conspiracy-loving one world government anti-elitist conservative into a frothing TEA-rage, but it won't.

genxr August 19, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Teatards learned long ago, how to tell the difference between job creators and one world government / multinational banking conspiracies.

Job creators = us
Conspiracy = them

See how simple that is.

freakishlywrong August 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Also, don't forget the (R) after the name. Too.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Are there black people in the video?

OhNoGuy August 19, 2011 at 10:28 pm

They'll be bringing trays of food & drink around any second.

Radiotherapy® August 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Was the cameraman dressed as a pimp? And if so, will congress defund BofA?

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Never! Defunding is for Poorz, like ACORN. For BofA, we haz "2Big2Fale" munniez.

Guppy06 August 19, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Oh, like he cares about being caught on camera. Citizens United, bitches!

poncho_pilot August 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm

i wonder if this scenario was covered in Principles Of Economics.

Mort_Sinclair August 19, 2011 at 2:02 pm

"We'll help you out." Translation: "I'm in Room 675. Meet me in ten."

BaldarTFlagass August 19, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Guess that's the other part of Rick Perry's "base."

poncho_pilot August 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm

the base that is located just north of his scrotum.

baconzgood August 19, 2011 at 2:10 pm

NAH!!!! I won't believe that ANY politician would cozy up to buisness for $$$$$. Obama would never do that….(Tee-Hee).

HistoriCat August 19, 2011 at 2:35 pm

There's a difference between flirting and flatbacking – just sayin'.

baconzgood August 19, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Semantics. All roads lead to….well ya know.

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 2:15 pm

"Bank of America, we'll help you out."

Stupid CSPAN boom microphone dropped the last word – "yourself".

JoshuaNorton August 19, 2011 at 2:27 pm

If A. P. Giannini knew what would be happening to his bank, he would have probably let the whole thing go up in smoke in the SF earthquake of 1906. He saved the Bank's deposits and records by sneaking them out of town in a fruit wagon just before the building went up in flames.

He wouldn't have hired this current gang of crooks to clean the spitoons in the lobby.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:10 pm

I read somewhere that most of the fires were set by people who realized their insurance covered that and not earthquake damage.

Eve8Apples August 19, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Treacherous, Treasonous Twats!!!!

BarackMyWorld August 19, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Oh, big deal…a friendly banker offering to help out a successful potential customer! Why I went to a bank just the other day and they offered to help me out!

Ok, I'll admit I was in the bank lobby and not at a presidential campaign event…and I'm not running for office…and we weren't in a crowded room full of other people glad-handing me…

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 3:36 pm

You sure they weren't offering to help you out the door?

ProgressiveInga August 19, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Just in case you (who are not eaten up w/ cynicism like me) thought that everyone is appalled by this behavior, here are a few comments from lucianne.com reporting on this story:
"This is tremendous news – and THIS early on too !!"
"Great news! Next step, cancel all those branch contracts with CNN and sign on with Fox News Channel."
"Yeah, let's hope this is a trend setter. Liberal boycott of BoA to follow."

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Um, one of the headlines there is "Obama rocks dad jeans again". Lucianne is like the Onion for the humorless or something?

DaRooster August 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm

"Politics & Eggs?"
Ewww… that sounds worse than Shit on a shingle… which is probably more like what it really is.

Rotundo_ August 19, 2011 at 7:24 pm

There was a bar in Madison WI that did "Smut and Eggs" on Sunday mornings if memory serves, and they just popped VHS tapes of people humping into the VCR and served up breakfast. I think that would be in better taste and more productive (unless of course you're a grifting political hack and a bidnessman wanting to purchase such).

BarackMyWorld August 19, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Based on the single dumb comment on youtube so far:

I'm sure that will be a tremendous loss to them. He should only take money from corrupt unions and foreign nations like Barry.

….the conservative defense will be from the "obama iz corrupt cux unions and china" playbook.

owhatever August 19, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I have decided that BofA is not too big to fail. It is just too big.

smashaduck August 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm

KEN!!1!!1 We missed you! Also, you owe us child support and a case of bourbon.Also.

SheriffRoscoe August 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm

That's real grassroots, tea party bitches!

NorthStarSpanx August 19, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Motherfucking fuck. I give up my credit card payments. So there.

Dumbedup August 19, 2011 at 2:56 pm

where's the funny in this, again? I can only muster a sad chortle over such gross and blatant corruption.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 19, 2011 at 3:03 pm

That 11 seconds really sums up what is wrong with this fucking country.

peaceshelly August 19, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I think that was Ken Lay… I swear I …

peaceshelly August 19, 2011 at 3:08 pm

When does that douche Hot Tub Tom DeLay go to jail??? He was cozy with Rick Perry at one time…wonder if they….you know…in the hot tub!??

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Please, Wonketeers, there is a brain bleach shortage currently here in the Square State. Please refrain from brain-scalding comments like this until the shortage is over. Thank you.

OhNoGuy August 19, 2011 at 10:43 pm

When you see a name like Tom Delay and start thinking about the "good old days" you realize just how bad it is.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi August 19, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Rock 'n' Roll, Hoochie Koo
Lawdy mama light my fuse

fantum August 19, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Why I will vote for Obama…

- I hate America!
- Working is too hard.
- Thinking is way too hard.
- I am 26, sponging off my mom, and I want free Health Care.
- Freedom of speech is fine as long as I am not offended by it.
- I want government to tax your earnings and give me things I want.
- If I knock-up my girlfriend I want government to pay her to kïll the baby.
- We need to raise taxes on business… Gee… Why do things cost so much?
- Murdering helpless babies is ok as long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
- All business profits should be redistributed… Gee… Where are all the jobs?
- Pouring water on a terrorist's face is horrible, but kïllïng a baby in the womb is good.
- I want government to give Mexicans free health care and education at your expense.
- I want government to take over industry and apply the efficiency of the US Post Office.
- Global Warming is a fact, even if those same scientists can't tell the weather for next week.

How Can an American President Be so Anti-American? http://usataxpayer.org/vids.asp?A=42112207

Ask that clueless, dope smoking, little marxist wart… WHERE ARE THE JOBS?

SorosBot August 19, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Jar Jar Binks first appears in The Phantom Menace as a bumbling Gungan from the planet Naboo. After his tribe banishes him for his clumsiness, he is nearly killed by a federation transport, only to be saved at the last minute by Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and his padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor). The Jedi persuade Jar Jar's tribe to release him to their custody as a guide. He later goes with the Jedi and Queen Padmé Amidala (Natalie Portman) to the planet Tatooine, where he meets and befriends Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd).

elviouslyqueer August 19, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Ask that clueless, dope smoking, little marxist wart… WHERE ARE THE JOBS?

Well, I keep asking John Boehner this, but for some reason he won't respond to my emails.

GOPCrusher August 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Try adding the proper title of Mr. Speaker or Speaker as in "Speaker clueless, dope smoking, little marxist wart… WHERE ARE THE JOBS?"

I find a little respect goes a long way.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 19, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Gosh. When you put it that way I can clearly see the liberal tree hugging tax and spend error of my ways. I’m gonna buy me a gun and shoot a coyote, get me a Palin Drill Baby Drill bumper sticker to put on my made in China Hummer, divorce my wife while I secretly troll for underage boys on the internet, cheat on my taxes, vote 100% Republican without researching any of the candidates, join a Megachurch that tells me Jesus hates queers, gain 156lbs, move to Texas, get another gun, buy a Rush Limbaugh tie for an obscene amount of money, get stupider by watching FOX News 24 hours a day and order me Ronald Reagan calendar for next year! Thanks Fandum!

Also! I will ask anyone who disagrees with me why they hate America cause it makes me sound so superior.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:28 pm

>- All business profits should be redistributed… Gee… Where are all the jobs?

Jesus. Seriously.

Reagan era, CEO pay was 50 to 1 over average worker salary and the marginal tax rate was 50 fucking percent. 50.
Marginal tax rate is 35% and CEO pay is 300 to 1. Blood sucking CEOs are draining the jobs and life blood out of the economy.

You are a tool of the rich. Hope you are abandoned with your face eaten off by an MRSA you caught from the 70% of raw pork infected with it and die horribly in an unfunded clinic in a seedy stripmall. You totally deserve it because that's what you are arguing is best for the country.

Yeah I'm a treasonous bastard because I think Americans deserve better.

fantum August 19, 2011 at 3:12 pm

WHOTTA JÄCKÄSS!

Ojäckäss http://usataxpayer.org/vids.asp?A=72190577

WHERE ARE THE JOBS YOU CLUELESS, KENYAN JÄCKÄSS!

genxr August 19, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Aw, you has a sad.

SorosBot August 19, 2011 at 3:19 pm

The first Wheelie is a young Autobot who turns into a car. He has a distinctive style of speech, in which he rhymes his sentences while speaking in a high pitched voice, making him sound like a child. A young Autobot, Wheelie's function is listed as "survivalist". He despises the Quintessons and their Sharkticon minions, but only fights when he has no alternative.[2]

elviouslyqueer August 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Racist jackass troll is racist. And a jackass. And a troll. Also.

Nostrildamus August 19, 2011 at 3:47 pm

You forgot "atheism Muslin".

DashboardBuddha August 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm

You know those meds you keep forgetting to take? Now would be a good time to climb up from mom's basement, get a glass of water, and get back on the regimen.

GunToting[Redacted] August 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Yay!!! The trolls have returned. I thought we were getting close to the time of their migration, but the time just snuck up on me.

GOPCrusher August 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Yeah me too. A lot of public schools have started the fall semester in this part of the country.

SorosBot August 19, 2011 at 5:26 pm

What part of the country is that? I've never heard of schools (besides colleges) starting before Labor Day.

AJWjr. August 19, 2011 at 6:24 pm

This fucking guy.

mayor_quimby August 19, 2011 at 8:40 pm

I have always loved performance art.
Is JÄCKÄSS some sort of new slur from a foreign land, like macaca?

OhNoGuy August 19, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Gold! You forgot the gold!!

DashboardBuddha August 19, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Rick: I bet you folks will want a blow job though.
Banker: Don't be silly. We just want to ass fuck your wife while you watch.
Rick: That might a tough sell to the missus. How about I deliver the souls of every living American making under $100k.
Banker – Done and Done!

DashboardBuddha August 19, 2011 at 3:13 pm

If this doesn't get some kind of traction in the media I fear that all is lost with the US.

GOPCrusher August 19, 2011 at 5:20 pm

It will show up on Keith Olbermann and maybe The Daily Show, but other than that?

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:30 pm

ha ha ha ha. Think Murdoch wants this in front of anyone?

GortRay August 19, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Perry has the Bank of Plutocratica whispering in one ear and Jeebus in the other. He can't lose! He's a new Bush for the new era of insanity that's about to come down on us like a hot lava tsunami.

vulpes82 August 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm

They're identifying the guy as BoA's director of public policy.

SheriffRoscoe August 19, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Ken, can we get out the banhammer? It's not any fun when the trolls spam us all the fuck up with off-topic, unoriginal, unfunny, cut and pasted nonsense bullshit.

fuflans August 19, 2011 at 3:22 pm

we have a troll AND ken is back.

this is too much excitement for me.

SorosBot August 19, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Our old antisemitic conspiracy theorist NaderPaulKucinichGravel (now shortened to "NadePaulKuciGravMcKi") is also back today, and I hadn't seen him in these parts in a long time. It's old-school day.

DashboardBuddha August 19, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Ken +1…New troll? I'm afraid he doesn't meet the standards for trollery we have seen here in the past. His sauce is weak.

fantum August 19, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Laura Ingraham – Tax Cheat Smackdown!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B67YZp8JYvE

Charlie Rangel (D-NY) "Most Corrupt Democrat"

Congressman Charlie Rangel (D-NY) Recently received the coveted (by Democrats) "Most Corrupt Democrat" recognition by Human Events. Rangel got caught cheating on his taxes by under reporting his net worth. These issues and more are currently before the House Ethics Committee for investigation while Rangel continues to serve as Chairman of the tax-writing House Ways and Means Committee. Rangel also made the Judicial Watch Ten Most Corrupt Politicians list. Rangel continues to present himself as a moral leader for the bl*ck community.

The Corrupt Black Caucus
http://usataxpayer.org/htm/vids.asp?A=73395511

SorosBot August 19, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Mel first appears in the serial Terror of the Vervoids, part of the 14-part story The Trial of a Time Lord. At this point, she and the Sixth Doctor have been travelling together for some time. The events of Vervoids are shown as part of a Matrix projection of future events being shown by the Sixth Doctor to the court, so from his point of view, he is seeing an adventure he will have with Mel even before he meets her in his own timeline. At the end of Trial, the Sixth Doctor leaves with this future Mel, presumably to drop her off somewhere, meet her past self for the first time (from her point of view), and then carry on from there. (This scenario is portrayed by The Trial of a Time Lord screenwriters Pip and Jane Baker in their novelisationThe Ultimate Foe.)

proudgrampa August 19, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Do the Vervoids have anything to do with Freemasonry and the Bilderbergers?

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:33 pm

The Doctor of Anti-Linearity will see you now.

OhNoGuy August 19, 2011 at 10:50 pm

You have become a sick son of a bitch. That's because you forgot the GOLD!!

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Damn, troll, if I want to be bored to death, I'll just watch a video of T-Paws speeches on the YouTuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

metamarcisf August 19, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Cain – Breitbart, GOP 2012: "The Anus and Andy Show"

El Pinche August 19, 2011 at 4:42 pm

So let me summarize what you're saying "Rangel is a nigger. nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger . nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger. Fantum hates niggers. "
Fuck off racist.

GOPCrusher August 19, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Isn't Laura Ingraham the Family Values Bitch that has the pictures of her hoohaw all over the Internet?

AJWjr. August 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm

I think that was L. Schlessinger, but potato, potahto.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:31 pm

I get it, fantom only likes closeted gay-trolling congressmen. I.e., republicans.

metamarcisf August 19, 2011 at 3:23 pm

When he's elected next year, Ricky Parry wants to change the constitution seven ways. My favourite is that a Supreme Court decision can be overturned by a 2/3 vote in congress. What better way to send the Citizens United decision into the ash heap of history?

donner_froh August 19, 2011 at 3:26 pm

A chamber spokesman characterized the proposal as “abhorrent.”

Actually the proposal that the Chamber of Commerce found abhorrent was to raise the minimum wage by a penny an hour.

prommie August 19, 2011 at 3:26 pm

It sure is getting pretty open these days, isn't it? Thats, umm, thats an improvement, I guess. Politicians should wear patches from their sponsors, like in NASCAR, all their big contributors should have to give them a nice patch with their logo, and the pols should always have to wear their sponsors' logos; they would look just like a bunch of race car drivers. Covered from head to toe with their owners' advertisements.

AJWjr. August 19, 2011 at 6:32 pm

New rule: If the congresscritter gets big contributions from the same corporate donor two sessions in a row, they must make the union permanent with the corporate logo tattooed on their body in addition to the patch.

hilbillyheroine August 19, 2011 at 4:41 pm

From the WSJ online:

Update: Bank of America spokesman Lawrence Di Rita responds:

“Bank of America does not endorse Presidential candidates. The reference was about following up on the substance of his speech about job creation and economic growth. Discussing policy issues that affect our company and our customers is something we do with policymakers of both parties routinely at the local, state, and Federal levels.

I guess he was just offerin' to write up some LAWS. Nothing to see here, move along.

GunToting[Redacted] August 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Considering how poorly Rickie did in Skool, he'll probably welcome all the help he can get doing his homework.

mayor_quimby August 19, 2011 at 8:48 pm

I'm sure little Lawrence Di RIta tries very hard, but a good whore has much better timing and is more discreet than this.
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-08-19/bank-of-

comrad_darkness August 19, 2011 at 10:39 pm

They gotta cut. They are totally bankrupt, financially AND morally. Surprised it took so long. Honestly, I'm hoping they flip belly up and combust while the teatards are fucking over congress. Imagine a real fucking bank failure. Maybe we can get Glass Steagall back again after the resulting ash heap burns out a few hundred congressional districts.

'Scuse me, I gotta stock up on more popcorn just thinking about it.

Poindexter718 August 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm
DashboardBuddha August 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Hello…I'm from Bank of America. I'm here to help you.

HelmutNewton August 19, 2011 at 5:21 pm

You know who ELSE whispered that they were going to help Perry out?

102415 August 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm

The troll but Perry can't hear him.

KenLayIsAlive August 19, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Hahah. Wow, he says it sideways and in passing, like he's trying to sell Rick some crack.

Shady business coming to the White House.

Rotundo_ August 19, 2011 at 7:31 pm

The money people are still self aware enough to know that it doesn't look good to be buying politicians openly. I don't imagine this will last much longer, but there are still a few flecks of awareness clinging to them. Next election cycle they'll start up with the four foot wide prop "checks" with a couple million written out to the candidate with "For future services rendered." in the memo. And the signature of the CEO emblazoned in ten inch tall script just proud as hell for the purchase.

LakeLucilleLoon August 19, 2011 at 6:32 pm

I stiffed BofA for $25 grand. I feel even better about this now.

mayor_quimby August 19, 2011 at 8:50 pm

You sure/ma'am are a fuckin' American hero.
In the words of the late, great comedian Robin Harris "Fuck em! Fuck em with a AIDS infected dildo!"

Porter Melmoth August 19, 2011 at 7:17 pm

I don't know, B of A may give DinglePerry a bad name.

gullywompr August 19, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Vested interest united ties, landed gentry rationalize
Look who bought the myth, by jingo, buy America

Negropolis August 19, 2011 at 9:57 pm

It was on C-SPAN, you say? So it's audience – all two them – heard this, right?

ttommyunger August 20, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Never saw a dog that didn't understand a man with a stick in his hand.
Never met a hooker that didn't understand a man with a hard dick.
Never heard of a politician who didn't understand a man with a pocketful of money.

BZ1 August 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

of course, you know that Bank of America was started by the Mafia to launder money. you didn't, well if they weren't in cohoots with criminals then, they are now…

Comrade Wingtard August 21, 2011 at 11:09 pm

This is about as shocking as the Wikileaks video of the army shooting journalists in Iraq.

SenileAgitation August 22, 2011 at 10:22 am

Great! BoA can help Gov. Rick create new jobs in the exciting "rightsizing" industry, and in return, Rick can share his revenue failure secrets! http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/perry_budge

SorosBot August 19, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Yes, as are many other Wonketters, I've found.

Nostrildamus August 19, 2011 at 3:37 pm

"You'd look great in a new suit"

Barb August 19, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I am very impressed. What do the rest of you guys do? Me? I'm a trophy wife.

nonbeliever7 August 19, 2011 at 4:17 pm

My wife earns more than me so I guess that makes me a trophy husband. Thank you Gloria Steinem.

GOPCrusher August 19, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Me? IT Manager by day. Raging alcoholic by night. Neither pay well.

finallyhappy August 19, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I earned more than my husband when I worked and my pension is a good deal more than his social security. Oh, I am now a volunteer 4 days a week.

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