INSANE IN THE BRAIN  5:02 pm August 18, 2011

Tom Coburn Will Murder Congress, Elderly, Medicare

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Lauri Apple's rendition of Tom Coburn as a cat lady.There are a bunch of “insane things Tom Coburn said in one single day” floating around on the Internet for some reason (August news cycles), so let us do a neat little paraphrase to sum up his wingnut brain diarrhea spree: “The end of the world is in 16 months, I will shoot everybody in Congress because everybody is a giant hooker with herpes, and speaking of useless why are the elderly always demanding free government crack to sprinkle into their Metamucil? Shoot them too. And: Barack Obama loves welfare because he is black, if you haven’t noticed.” There you have it! Tom Coburn feels better in the Satanic Oklahoma heat now that he has this off his chest. By what margin is this summation actually “a slight exaggeration, if any?”

You decide!!!!! That is how democracy works.

1. The world is ending, civil war, etc.: “We have less than 16 months to fix this. I can promise you that come July you’re going to see some tough, tough stuff in this country.”

2. Kill Congress: “It’s just a good thing I can’t pack a gun on the Senate floor.”

3. Who needs the olds?/ kill them, too: “The first question I have for you is if you look in the Constitution, where is it the federal government’s role to [provide Medicare]? That’s number one. Number two is the way I was brought up [medical care for the elderly is] a family responsibility, not a government responsibility.”

4. Obama lurvs welfare: “As an African American male, coming through the progress of everything [Barack Obama] experienced, he got tremendous benefit through a lot of these programs. So he believes in them. I just don’t believe they work overall and in the long run they don’t help our country.

Tom Coburn got all of this out on a single Tuesday, which is efficient even by wingnut standards.

MOSTLY beyond this, though, we love Lauri Apple’s Tom Coburn drawing. [Tulsa World/ThinkProgress/WaPo]

 
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{ 187 comments }

Pragmatist2 August 18, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Just so long as he kills himself when he is done.

natoslug August 18, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Just so long as he kills himself when he is done before he continues.

MLHencken August 18, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Just so long as he kills himself right now.

elviouslyqueer August 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm

DEFENESTRATION NOW, DEFENESTRATION FOREVER!

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:05 am

You're determined to take away all my little pleasures in life, aren't you? And I was *so* looking forward to chewing through his carotid.

terriblyfamous August 18, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Hey Tommy, maybe you can't carry concealed, but you've always got pipe bombs as an option.

Limeylizzie August 18, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Isn't Coburn supposedly one of Barry's "friends", must be lovely to have racist pals when you are a black man.

widestanceshakedown August 18, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Hey, now, some of Barry's best 'friends' are racists!

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:07 am

Hey, now, it's not like those of us of a duskier hue have much of a choice. Chances are every white person I call my friend has said something racist at one time or another. If I *need* to work with them, I just have to "learn not to be so sensitive." Chances are, Barry has had to do the same goddamned thing.

widestanceshakedown August 19, 2011 at 11:07 am

Non-snarky reply: And a damn shame that this is how it is.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Yeah, I know. I'm not blaming anyone. But Barry doesn't get to pick his "friends" in The Halls Of Powah. To quote someone a great deal more famous, "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog."

I'm sure our President has had to accept "friends" like this all his life. It's either that or fight each and every one of these fuckers until they finally tear you to shreds, because you're outnumbered and outgunned, and there's nothing you can do about it except learn to smile and not be "too sensitive." Rant over.

V572 T-Blow August 18, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Yes. I guess he might have skipped Barry when he went on his Senate shooting rampage.

WhatTheHeck August 18, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Well Lizzie, I’ve been told by a woman from Alaska, Barry also had terrorist pals.

starfanglednut August 18, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Truthfully, I don't know how he can stand the constant racist attacks. I'd be at home in bed crying into pint of Ben and Jerry's.

Limeylizzie August 18, 2011 at 9:17 pm

He must have such a strong self-image, but it must make him crazy, if I were Michelle I would go what my husband calls “Full Badger”, which is when I get all protective of him, if I see anyone trying to take advantage of him.

starfanglednut August 18, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Lizzie, I bet you make an adorable badger.

Limeylizzie August 18, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Adorable is the curse of short people!

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:10 am

I would have gone postal on these fucks a long, long time ago. Shit, they ain't even talking about me, and some of this shit literally drives me to drink. It's a good thing I don't have the taste for hard drugs, because sometimes I wish I could just shut these fuckers and their slimy fucking talk out.

widestanceshakedown August 19, 2011 at 11:10 am

History will not reflect well on how the first black president was treated by his own country, if that's any consolation.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:39 pm

On some level, I feel it's a good thing his mother (and grandmother) did not live to see this. It would break my fucking heart if my kid was going through this. I'm sure his mother raised him to be a proud and loyal American. This country wants to put the man in chains and drag him behind an SUV, mostly, till he's dead. Or so it seems, some days.

Rosie_Scenario August 18, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Alt text. I call CAT LADY LIBEL. * sigh *

V572 T-Blow August 18, 2011 at 5:08 pm

If you look at the Constitution, where is the Federal government's role to lavish huge subsidies on defense contractors? And to lock American citizens up without a hearing? And to run a dairy farm for the Naval Academy?

Well, okay, they stopped doing that a couple of years ago.

finallyhappy August 18, 2011 at 5:23 pm

yes, I think that was Horizon, right?

V572 T-Blow August 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Talk about swords into plowshares

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 18, 2011 at 5:38 pm

It is in the same part of the Constitution that defines Dick Cheney as the Fourth Branch of Government.

You see, your problem is that you are looking at the Constitution that was made by the same people who made Obama's birth certificate. If you looked at the real Constitution, which was inscribed on the back of a Lipton Tea Bag by the way, you would know the truth.

flamingpdog August 18, 2011 at 6:32 pm

The original Constitution was not intended to be a factual Constitution.

SorosBot August 18, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Once again, here's where the Constitution says it's the federal government's role to provide Medicare; from Article 1, Section 8:

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States

Grief_Lessons August 18, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Facts make baby Jesus cry.

donner_froh August 18, 2011 at 5:15 pm

He didn't mean THAT constitution. Coburn meant HIS constitution, the one that says it is illegal for a black person to be President.

SorosBot August 18, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Jukesgrrl August 18, 2011 at 8:10 pm

So should I take from this that not only is welfare not a dirty word (and a word known to our forefathers), as Dr. Fool would have us believe, but it's even capitalized, which says to me they REALLY MEANT IT?

Grief_Lessons August 18, 2011 at 5:09 pm

It's a big tent, the GOP. There's room for those who hate the poors, the blacks, the gays, the elderly, the left, the insufficiently right, the Mexicans, the Muslims, the browns, the environment…

widget2011 August 18, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Life Imitates Art:

If I had my way, I'd have all of them shot.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 18, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Who let all this riff raff into the dome?

jus_wonderin August 18, 2011 at 5:37 pm

But it's okay if I yell "FIRE!!" when they close the flaps, right?

Kidneys4Sale August 18, 2011 at 5:41 pm

As long as you make sure to get low first That tent's gonna sprout out bullet holes like a sumbitch.

DahBoner August 18, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Don't forget Closetcase Gay Republican Jesus, who once famously said "Hate Thy Enemies".

His giant, throbbing hard pole is the one that holds up the entire tent!!!

SayItWithWookies August 18, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Coburn spoke to large crowds in Claremore, Langley, Pryor and Muskogee on Tuesday, despite being somewhat under the weather.

And apparently the bottle of shrooms was a little too close to the allergy medicine.

finallyhappy August 18, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Large crowds in those places is probably the same as the usual number of people who shop at my Giant supermarket on a weekday afternoon

Limeylizzie August 18, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Large crowds, you say in three fucking hick towns in Oklahoma, how fucking big could the crowds be? Fuck, fuck, fuck I am getting to fucking hate this demented, fucking , sorry, POS, country.

DahBoner August 18, 2011 at 6:48 pm

They don't smoke weed in Muskogee, but sure do like their crystal meth…

AJWjr. August 18, 2011 at 10:08 pm
Callyson August 18, 2011 at 5:10 pm

”It’s just a good thing I can’t pack a gun on the Senate floor.”
For once, Senator, you and I agree about something.
Also, you have a choice: the gun or the Senate. Please do the country a favor and go with the former option…

Swampgas_Man August 18, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Fuck the gun, this man shouldn't be near anything sharper than a stick of butter. WARM butter.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:15 am

Rammed forcefully up his anus with a shoehorn.

Note: VERY WARM butter.

smokefilleddoommate August 18, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Coburn might currently be "sour on economy", but he will always remain "crazy in head".

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:16 am

This is the prick who gets his interns (male and female) together for an "orientation" session that features explicit films of sexually-transmitted infections — and pizza. I'd like to strangle him with my own hands, but carpal tunnel syndrome makes that unlikely. Here's hoping he chokes on a salami.

user-of-owls August 18, 2011 at 5:11 pm

”We have less than 16 months to fix this. I can promise you that come July you’re going to see some tough, tough stuff in this country.”

Shut up you fag, we've seen tougher shit before.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 18, 2011 at 7:41 pm

That was just lovely, user.

user-of-owls August 18, 2011 at 8:42 pm

It's a classic!

Texan_Bulldog August 18, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Wonder if Tommy would exchange his lily white skin with a black man's since, you know, they get all the advantages.

mayor_quimby August 18, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Dibs!
I shall be called Sen. Doppelgänger. but I'm not fucking setting foot in OK.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:18 am

Only if he can exchange his micro-weenie, too.

donner_froh August 18, 2011 at 5:13 pm

It is really a tough race to win with a lot of competiton but Tom Coburn has taken the lead in the Dumbest Dumbfuck in the Senate sweepstakes.

metamarcisf August 18, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Davy Crockett always carried him a squirrel gun when he represented the great state of Tennessee.

Texan_Bulldog August 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm

He also wore a dead beaver on his head…

metamarcisf August 18, 2011 at 5:17 pm

That was a dead coon!

Texan_Bulldog August 18, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Yep, I thought about that right after I hit 'submit'.

weejee August 18, 2011 at 5:46 pm

'Zactly so. And he also fought and died bravely so that the freedomz loving Tejasikans could have slaves to pick their cotton.

V572 T-Blow August 18, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Slavery was a worse resource curse than oil or gold. I wonder if the Saudis will still be fighting about how to organize their society 150 years after their oil runs out.

johnnyzhivago August 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm

OK, but what self respecting Squirrel (or any other rodent for that matter), would REALLY want to hang around in a room with that many horny Republican males?

lochnessmonster August 18, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Civility? WTf is that?

Tommy1733 August 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Wow. What is the deal lately – this guy's comments are perhaps the most extreme I have heard yet, and that puts him ahead of Bachmann, Perry, West – were conservatives as bad as this during the Reagan years? I really can't remember ever having so many genuinely dangerous sounding people either vying for or holding public office. We really need to get this in check, friends.

Rotundo_ August 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Well, I guess we can look at this as being a sign that all people are represented in congress in some sort of fashion, We have folks of Asian, African, Southeast Asian, Hispanics from several countries, and with the Republicans (especially Tom here and Michele B.) we have the stark staring fucking insane in this country well represented as well. Democracy works. Democrazy is sorta working…

BarackMyWorld August 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm

“As an African American male, coming through the progress of everything [Barack Obama] experienced, he got tremendous benefit through a lot of these programs. So he believes in them. I just don’t believe they work overall and in the long run they don’t help our country.“

Shorter Coburn: If it doesn't help white people, it's bad.

finallyhappy August 18, 2011 at 5:28 pm

amazing how many white people don't understand how much privilege they had for hundreds of years and still have.

Swampgas_Man August 18, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Amazing how white people on welfare outnumber the blacks.

BTWBFDIMHO August 18, 2011 at 5:36 pm

A black in the White House?!! Blame Affirmative Action!

WhatTheHeck August 18, 2011 at 5:15 pm

“The end of the world is in 16 months,…”

Well actually, if President Obama wins the election next November, it will feel like the end of the world to Tea Partiers/Rednecks/Republicans. They will wish for the END rather than live another 4 years under the black man.

That was the original meaning of the Mayan prognostication.

widestanceshakedown August 18, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Why doesn't he just apply his big brain to creating an IED? He'd achieve immortality and we'd be all the better for it.

smokefilleddoommate August 18, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Tulsa World sounds like an Okie theme park. One you'd kill yourself to get out of.

flamingpdog August 18, 2011 at 6:38 pm

♪ You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave. ♪

poncho_pilot August 18, 2011 at 7:21 pm

do they a robotic Yul Brynner?

HarryButtle August 18, 2011 at 5:17 pm

“As an African American male, coming through the progress of everything [Barack Obama] experienced, he got tremendous benefit through a lot of these programs. So he believes in them. I just don’t believe they work overall and in the long run they don’t help our country.“

So, a young underpriveleged African-American boy worked hard and perhaps with the help of some of "these programs" attended very good schools, became a lawyer and got himself elected as President of the United States. And we simply cannot allow that to happen again! Negro Presidents are bad for the country!

finallyhappy August 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm

What, he didn't get elected through some special program for black presdential candidates??

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:20 am

Pretty much, yeah.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 18, 2011 at 5:17 pm

5. Tom Coburn will keep sucking Exxon's cock in hell forever, because he's a gooper from Oklahoma.
~

Callyson August 18, 2011 at 6:09 pm

I remember thinking that Exxon never got what it deserved for Valdez. This will do.

trondant August 18, 2011 at 7:46 pm

So, Tom's a biter?

DahBoner August 18, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I say "Kill 'em all" and then let some insane Republican from Oklahoma sort 'em out…

BarackMyWorld August 18, 2011 at 5:19 pm

“The first question I have for you is if you look in the Constitution, where is it the federal government’s role to [provide Medicare]? That’s number one. Number two is the way I was brought up [medical care for the elderly is] a family responsibility, not a government responsibility.”

Oklahoma being Oklahoma, even with 13% of their population over 65, I doubt that Coburn being against Medicare will hurt his re-election chances.

finallyhappy August 18, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Wonder how many are on medicare for disability? I hope Coburn gets that brain eating amoeba disease- although it might starve before it kills him.

widget2011 August 18, 2011 at 6:51 pm

It wont hurt his re-election chances at all, after all we're talking about OK-La-Home-A, who's brains have been turned into vegemite by the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck & Fox News, just think of Night of the Living Dead, and that's why he's a shoe-in. Only in America! can those who loose the most keep voting for those who are taking everything from them, and blame Obama to boot.

jetjaguar August 18, 2011 at 5:22 pm

It's OK you guys, he did it for the lulz.

Which I totally understand. Heavens knows that most of MY jokes end with lines like "it's a good thing I don't have a gun, because I'd shoot you in the face!", or my classic "it's a good thing I don't have a knife right now, because I'd cut you!"

johnnyzhivago August 18, 2011 at 5:24 pm

If the "founders" had any brains they would have required an intelligence test to keep jackholes like Coburn out of the legislature.

V572 T-Blow August 18, 2011 at 5:36 pm

They did, sort of: senators were chosen by state legislatures until the 17th Amendment passed and was implemented in 1914. From the Wiki:

"While an unqualified candidate might win a popular-vote majority through demagoguery or superficial qualities, the legislature, which could deliberate on its choice, and whose members had been selected by their constituents and had experience in politics, were thought safe from such folly."

Hahahahahaha….

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:23 am

Intelligence tests hadn't been invented back then, unfortunately.

CapnFatback August 18, 2011 at 5:24 pm

“And, as a white male, coming through the status quo of everything I experienced, I got tremendous benefit from being white. So I believe in that.“

JustPixelz August 18, 2011 at 6:06 pm

It is kinda easy being white. Shop without being followed, drive without being pulled over, people assume you really are qualified for your job. Can't rap though.

emmelemm August 18, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Or jump.

SorosBot August 18, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Coburn may not be able to bring a gun to the Senate, but there is a precedent for Senate cane attacks by racists against those who support rights for black people:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Sumner#Attac

Steverino247 August 18, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Sumner was a helluva guy. Need someone like him in there now.

Negropolis August 19, 2011 at 1:49 am

Douglas said to a colleague during the speech that "this damn fool Sumner is going to get himself shot by some other damn fool."

The South has always been a classy place, hasn't it? Tell me this isn't something that DeMint would say, today. You can't.

Oh buddy, even more:

Representative Preston Brooks, Butler's nephew, was infuriated, intended to challenge Sumner to a duel, and consulted with fellow South Carolina Representative Laurence M. Keitt on dueling etiquette. Keitt told him that dueling was for gentlemen of equal social standing, and that Sumner was no better than a drunkard, due to the supposedly coarse language he had used during his speech. Brooks concluded in turn that since Sumner was no gentlemen, it would be more appropriate to beat him with his cane.

Two days later, on the afternoon of May 22, Brooks confronted Sumner as he sat writing at his desk in the almost empty Senate chamber: "Mr. Sumner, I have read your speech twice over carefully. It is a libel on South Carolina, and Mr. Butler, who is a relative of mine." As Sumner began to stand up, Brooks beat Sumner severely on the head before he could reach his feet, using a thick gutta-percha cane with a gold head. Sumner was knocked down and trapped under the heavy desk (which was bolted to the floor), but Brooks continued to strike Sumner until Sumner ripped the desk from the floor.

You have got to be shitting me. You will know when Sarah is ready for the presidency when she procures herself a fine, hand-made cane.

johnnyzhivago August 18, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Obama's an African American??? I thought he just spent too much time on Martha's Vineyard or something.

donner_froh August 18, 2011 at 5:25 pm

We have less than 16 months to fix this. I can promise you that come July…

This is August, 2011. July of 2012 is 11 months away; July of 2013 is 23 months in the future; July of 2011 already happened.

Does Coburn have any idea what he is saying and is it supposed to make sense to sentient human beings?

comrad_darkness August 18, 2011 at 7:32 pm

The world ends Dec 2012. He's a secret Mayan.

MrFizzy August 18, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Being a medical doctor, he has probably lined his pockets for years with medicare money. Another colossal GOP hypocrite. Too bad the media is such a bunch of pussies.

BTWBFDIMHO August 18, 2011 at 5:33 pm

And his health insurance is provided by….

peaceshelly August 18, 2011 at 7:55 pm

My husband was in practice in Muskogee also. Coburn was the doctor (he isn't a board certified OB/Gyn) that if you were on Medicaid (or SoonerCare in Oklahoma) and pregnant, you went to him. He cashed LOTS of Medicaid checks. And seeing as how he was a Medicare provider he cashed plenty of those too. Coburn's clinic was a family practice. And he never met a pharmacy rep he didn't love…

loulouroo August 18, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I liked the Okies from Muskogee better before they tried putting on suits and ties and pretended to be civilized. They were easier to spot, and therefore avoid, when they were in overalls with rebel flag stickers on their pickup trucks.

bflrtsplk August 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Shouldn't we be proactive and reserve a cell next to Jared Lee Loughner for this guy? Oh right, they're surveyor's marks.

BTWBFDIMHO August 18, 2011 at 5:32 pm

It's not OK to be from OK.

nappyduggs August 18, 2011 at 5:33 pm

"The first question I have for you is if you look in the Constitution, where is it the federal government’s role to [provide Medicare]? That’s number one. Number two is the way I was brought up [medical care for the elderly is] a family responsibility, not a government responsibility.”
Well, Senator Cockburn, in the Preamble there is a reference to providing for the Common Depends. And don't you think that would take care of your numbers one and two, there?
What? Oh. Never mind. But you're still really crazy though.

Callyson August 18, 2011 at 6:11 pm

I see what you did there. Now I need a cocktail to remove that image from my frightened soul.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:26 am

Just one? I'm'a just upend this bottle here and finish off whatever comes out.

metamarcisf August 18, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Coburn is just upset that the onset of Sharia Law in the Sooner state has resulted in so many teenage boys getting their right hands amputated for rubbing one out in the men's room between classes.

AlaskaGrrl August 18, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Keeping that "Dumb Okie" stereotype alive! You go Tom.

ThundercatHo August 18, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Maybe Michele could share some of her meds with Tom, even though they're not helping with the rational thought processes at least she doesn't seem violent. She has her press bouncers for that.

OT: Today your humble and faithful THo made it to 100p!

Rotundo_ August 18, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Welcome to the Century club, your key is in the mail and the tag for your chair and ottoman in the lounge are being engraved. The bar is open and the humidors are stocked with Cuba's best.

V572 T-Blow August 18, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Congratulations. The second hundred points don't come so easily. Even Barb is plateaued at 130.

comrad_darkness August 18, 2011 at 7:33 pm

I gave you a thumbs up just for your username.

flamingpdog August 18, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Reminds me, I have to go take a p.

But not yours.

Chillwaver August 18, 2011 at 5:35 pm

"As an African American male, coming through the progress of everything [Barack Obama] experienced, he got tremendous benefit through a lot of these programs. So he believes in them. I just don’t believe they work overall and in the long run they don’t help our country.“

File under GOP's "Let's Have a Conversation About Race."

JustPixelz August 18, 2011 at 6:01 pm

A government program that helped a man who would become President of the United States. Shouldn't be we be proud and happy at that success?

Chillwaver August 18, 2011 at 6:12 pm

There are only a few things in life that make a Republican "proud and happy" (bombing Muslins and tax cuts for the rich, for example), and a program that potentially helped an ordinary Black man get to the WHITE House is not one of them.

imissopus August 18, 2011 at 6:30 pm

And remember kids, conservatives don't see color. Only libtards see color.

neiltheblaze August 18, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Funny how he doesn't mention that he himself gets government health care for the rest of his life. So, as an entitled white trash who made it, he's gotten tremendous benefit through these programs.

He "doesn't believe they work overall" – but they work perfectly fine in his specific case, apparently.

widget2011 August 18, 2011 at 5:36 pm

The best thing Tom Couburn could do with a gun is……….well you figure it out.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:27 am

Suck it?

widget2011 August 19, 2011 at 4:28 am

No silly, put it in his prison pocket.

glamourdammerung August 18, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Considering this is the same clown that illegally billed Medicaid for illegally sterilizing young black women, he sure has some interesting views on what the government should pay for.

BTWBFDIMHO August 18, 2011 at 5:38 pm

We are all amoeboids now.

Radiotherapy® August 18, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Why don't you go grow another beard, fuckface.

jus_wonderin August 18, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Needz moar crosshairz.

fuflans August 18, 2011 at 5:40 pm

i can't read any more wingnut news from the heartland.

i miss lauri apple.

that is all.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 18, 2011 at 5:40 pm

It is interesting that what passes for a normal Republican today makes Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter look almost sane.

metamarcisf August 18, 2011 at 5:43 pm

The sobering thought here is that Coburn isn't even the craziest senator from his own state – just look at "wrong way runway" Inhofe…

ifthethunderdontgetya August 18, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Oklahoma has two Senators, the "smart one", Coburn, and Exxon fingerpuppet Inhofe.

Yet D.C. has none. I say we reverse this sorry situation.
~

weejee August 18, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Seems like Coburn is going through a MID life crisis. MID=multi-infarct dementia, that are the result of a series of small strokes and are starting to produce vascular dementia. Sorta like ♪♫ one toke over the line sweet Jeebus ♫♪ but you never come down or get the munchies.

GOPCrusher August 18, 2011 at 5:59 pm

"2. Kill Congress: ”It’s just a good thing I can’t pack a gun on the Senate floor.”"

Remember when people that said stuff like this in public would get a visit from the authorities?

Barrelhse August 18, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Yes, I do. I wondered at that, too, when i saw this story earlier. It makes you realize how far away from civility, sanity, and common sense these idiots have taken the democratic process.

V572 T-Blow August 18, 2011 at 6:15 pm

People who say stuff like this in public are the authorities.

FakaktaSouth August 18, 2011 at 6:00 pm

OMFG. I cannot WAIT to call my "family" and tell them who I have chosen to live with before I die. That is a much better plan than deciding as a civil society that we are in fact going to promote the general welfare of the fuckers who live here.

Also, am I the only person who has family that they would be fine with the whole "kill em all let God sort em out" remedy? Any fucktard tea partiers with my similar dna can kiss my ass before they's gonna set up a god damned scooter ramp in front of MY HOUSE. I wanted the public option, assholes….

Maman August 18, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Isn't Tommy boy supposed to be a physician and a right-to-lifer? Just asking.

V572 T-Blow August 18, 2011 at 6:16 pm

He's so far over the "pro-life" edge he advocates the death penalty for gynecologists who perform a certain procedure. He freakin said it, right on "Meet the Press" before he was elected.

Barrelhse August 18, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Livin' on Tulsa time.

owhatever August 18, 2011 at 6:10 pm

O-K-L-A-H-O-M-O! Where the wind blows out of Tom Coburn's butt.

DahBoner August 18, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Nothing but steers and queers coming out of there….

BZ1 August 18, 2011 at 6:16 pm

for a Doc, kind of a dunce…

BlueStateLibel August 18, 2011 at 6:22 pm

How could such a nice grandma be so mean?

BaldarTFlagass August 18, 2011 at 6:24 pm

"I just don’t believe they work overall and in the long run they don’t help our country. I mean, damn, we got a black president out of all that shit. No thanks!“

horsedreamer_1 August 18, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Tom Coburn. Senator, Oklahoma State football season ticket holder, owner of a giftshop specializing in Native American wares. Lives in Enid with life partner, Susan. Owns two dogs (golden retriever, schnauzer) and three cats.

imissopus August 18, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Wow, is Coburn running for president?

102415 August 18, 2011 at 6:32 pm

I really like his macrame owl.

x111e7thst August 18, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Any cat lady would make a better senator. Shit, any cat would make a better senator.

DahBoner August 18, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Ceiling Cat 2012….

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:32 am

Too white. Try Ceiling Cat/Basement Cat 2012. FTW.

Lulz, also.

Negropolis August 19, 2011 at 1:53 am

Campaign slogan: I can haz American prezidency?

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 2:05 am

Sounds good to me. Watch out that they don't negotiate the whole thing away for a cheezbrgr.

DahBoner August 18, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Coburn says he's friends with Obama back when he was in the Senate, and writes him encouraging notes every couple of weeks, because he's got a hard job.

Can you imagine?

"Dear Negra Socialist Kenyann, …"

fartknocker August 18, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Did he offer any solutions for getting us out of two wars, bringing some control onto banks or jobs? Nope, that's too fucking complicated. Instead he railed on the President.

Dumb Okie fuck. I love how these hypocrits who have health care and a retirement for life continue to babble about health care and Social Security.

Maybe him and Imhoff can go fly into U.S. Army Ammunition Plant in McClester

flamingpdog August 18, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Physician, heal thyself!

(You batshit crazy, hate-mongering mo-fo.)

flamingpdog August 18, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Oh, and please, a moment of sympathy, everyone, for DustBowlBlues and OkieDokieDog.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:34 am

May one ask as to the basis for the requested sympathy (crosses fingers, hopes all is well)?

flamingpdog August 19, 2011 at 11:27 am

As far as I know, their situation requiring sympathy is that Coburn is one of their Senators.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Ah! In that case, an hour's worth of sympathy flows from my house to theirs. La Casa de Los Gatos for OkieDokieDog and DBB!

BTWBFDIMHO August 18, 2011 at 6:55 pm

A Republican wants to bring a gun to the Senate. What, slow news today?

Wonderthing August 18, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Where in the Constitution does it say that if a bank is too big to fail that the US shall open its vaults and give a lot of US cash to it. Maybe I'm missing that one.

Nopantsmcgee August 18, 2011 at 7:07 pm

You know either this is a comparatively mild form of Teabag Ratfuck Crazy Talk, or I am becoming numb to it all. And I am not happy with either prospect.

emmelemm August 18, 2011 at 7:12 pm

He didn't mention Jesus, nor did he compare anyone to Hitler or say things like "public schools are hotbeds of fascist indoctrination", so, yeah, his rant was actually pretty mild and ordinary at this point.

proudgrampa August 18, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Where do Oklahoma voters find dirtbags like this???

mavenmaven August 18, 2011 at 7:24 pm

"Coburn agreed that some people received poor care – or no care – before Medicare was enacted in the 1960s, but said communities worked together to make sure most people received needed medical attention. He also conceded that doctors and hospitals often went unpaid for their efforts, or accepted baked goods or chickens in partial payment. "

Yes, back in the 1960s, when we had very little therapy for most disorders, and the main purpose for hospitals was having somewhere to die without messing up the living room. Medicine is so much cheaper when you just let everyone die in pain. Let's go back to those days, hooray!

peaceshelly August 18, 2011 at 7:49 pm

He was a Medicare provider. Didn't mind cashing those Medicare checks did you Dr. Coburn? He also was the Go-To Doctor in Muskogee, OK for pregnant mothers on Medicaid. He didn't mind cashing those Medicaid checks…
Last time I checked it was the man who knocked her up responsibility to pay for the birthin' bills…

peaceshelly August 18, 2011 at 7:52 pm

So, tell you what Senator…since the majority of people on Medicare have paid into the Medicare system, figure up how much Medicare owes them, cut them loose from the service, and send them a refund.
In fact, I will forego my Medicare coverage for a check for all the damn Medicare I have paid. It isn't necessarily a 'government hand out' when we pay into the fucking system.

Slim_Pickins August 18, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Maybe the Prez should just be known as Black Osama. That would reduce the ambiguity, and the teatards might even be able to remember it.

Beowoof August 18, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Jeebus are they all so dickless they need to tote a gun in place of their penis.

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:35 am

Well … yes. Were you told something different?

stanpan August 18, 2011 at 10:35 pm

And today our governor, Mary Fallin, rang the opening bell of the NY Stock Exchange, which promptly slalomed down Shit Mountain. Quite the proud week for us Okies.

DustBowlBlues August 18, 2011 at 11:19 pm

You're and okie, too? With okie dokie dog, that makes three mild mannered Oklahomans just trying not to get killed by the redneck down the road while living a secret life on the wonket. Where our true friends live in pretend world and know the true us, no pretend No one pretends on wonkette! Except for who they are, of course.

But–The Choctaw and Chickasaw Nations are suing Fallin and the Water board to keep them from selling the water in SE OK. Some good news.

stanpan August 19, 2011 at 8:44 am

Nice sharing a state with you, DBB. Good luck to the Choctaw and Chickasaw Nations. Fallin is such a tool. Remember the big Teabagger rally in DC last year?
It wasn't widely reported, but we caught a raw feed of the rally, and Fallin and some other pols were trying to amp up the crowd, waving their arms like demented choir directors.

AJWjr. August 18, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Back in '85 I was a trucker and found myself in Boise City OK overnight because I couldn't move my oversized load during darkness. I went into the Jessup's convenience store to get a bottle, and was told by the prettiest girl I'd ever seen in my life that I had to get it at the package store across the street. The booze became less important than this pretty girl, at least until I discovered she was only 16 and had 3 kids. Apparently, I wasn't the only guy who thought she was pretty.
Whenever I hear a story about idiots in Oklahoma, I am reminded of this girl and her brood, and chuckle to myself and think that Sooners (most of 'em, anyway) bring this shit upon themselves.

DustBowlBlues August 18, 2011 at 11:32 pm

When I came in from errand day in Stillwater, in a shit mood from coping with the fucking global warmed Dust Bowl I heard this on Rachel. Shit, thought I, I've got to get with my wonkeratti community and dis okies (except for me and the other two of us) but first I had to explain to the old man and how we can get wireless internet and it will be better and what a smart phone can do and by the time I got down to, "It comes from tubes from the cell towers. Phones and the internet are on separate tubes" and he gets all snitty because I'm acting like he doesn't understand except he calls everything a modem and my head was exploding and I waited.

I don't have time to read the comments because I'm done for the day, so I'm going to go to bed with the happy assumption that everyone has been commenting, "Where is DBB? What does she think?

To put you out of your misery, I have a quick and easy to understand answer to Rachel's question, Is this guy teflon? How does he keep getting away with this?

He doesn't have to get away with anything. The majoritiy of poorly educated and/or just basically ignorant okies agree with him completely. In fact, they heard what he said as being a defense of the president because they say much, much worse about Obama.

And as to Medicare: Fuck yeah, families should damn sure change grammy's diapers. Just not their family, however. It literally never occurs to them that this could mean they're the ones who would be cleaning up grammy's shit.

There is a complete disconnect between what they believe and reality. Ariana Huffington said the definition of a modern Republican is someone who believes what they believe, all evidence to the contrary. Insert okie for Republican ( I'm quite sure there is an online thesaurus that uses them as synonyms for one another) and you've got the answer to why this douchebag will be reelected as long as he chooses to be a senator who wants to be called Dr. Coburn instead of Sen. Coburn.

Nitey nite, all.

stanpan August 19, 2011 at 8:47 am

Also, too, your smart phone can get emails from Wonkette featuring Top Wonkette Stories!

keepem_sikanpor August 18, 2011 at 11:49 pm

I always thought it was incredible the way Lauri captured the "light" in his eyes. By "light" I mean crazy.

Negropolis August 19, 2011 at 1:30 am

I was so lucky and fortunate to be born black in America. I just thank the good lord every day for this birthrite privilege. Woe to the man and woman born lacking dark pigmentation in the good ole US of A.

Coburn, Aryan Nation, much?

And, the media has made Coburn one of the "good" and "sane" Republicans. The fuck?

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:29 pm

May I rub up against you in the interest of increasing teh blackness? Oh, it doesn't come off? Darn. There goes my chance of getting some of that sweet, free munniez.

Actually, Coburn *is* one of the "good, sane" Republicans. Have you heard the shit some of the *others* say? Our choice here appears to be a HUGE large pile of shit vs. even larger piles of shit.

You can't fool me, young man. It's shit, shit, shit, all the way down.

Negropolis August 19, 2011 at 1:52 am

Oklahoma: Where the wind goes blowing through their heads.

ndisang67 August 19, 2011 at 11:26 am

where in the constitution does it say –
-Michelle Bachmann should get farm subsidies?
-Tom Coburn should get mortgage interest deduction on his taxes?
-Oil companies should get tax payer subsidies?

Buckminster August 19, 2011 at 11:57 am

Hey, you two-sandwich eating, big-belt-buckle wearing, ten gallon-hat-on a one-pound head turd-sack:

Pay yer G** D******* medical bills with a chicken?

Jebus weeeps.

Troglodeity August 19, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Can't believe it was only seven months ago that Tom Coburn and Chuck Schumer sat together during the State of the Union Speech to encourage civility. http://bit.ly/dOylRh

flamingpdog August 18, 2011 at 10:21 pm

I wish Obama would go full badger. After all, he, not Michelle is the one that's " black and white .

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:11 am

I think "pretty people" might be more accurate, Lizzie. A short NOTPRETTY person badgering one is liable to cause screaming and running away in short order.

Limeylizzie August 18, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Ha. I just feel as if he is going to do something really big, he does this where he lets everyone punch him and he just hangs back and then one ups them.

Limeylizzie August 19, 2011 at 7:47 am

No, I think it is a short thing , Jack always says I have a very high adorableness quotient, which I do use to get my own way I must add.I have perfected this sad puppy look , which works amazingly well and when Jack was working on a movie and really needed more money from the studio I told him to use it, he is 6'4″ and looks a bit like Donald Sutherland, so not a natural fit with the adorable thing…but it worked, he gave the Producer the sad puppy look and it freaked them out and he got what he wanted!

PristinePantalones August 19, 2011 at 1:36 pm

How much for private lessons?

Limeylizzie August 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Free for you, my sweet.

widestanceshakedown August 19, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Thank you. The fact that his grandmother was able to vote for him before she died will always be among the most gratifying moments in the 2008 election (I'm getting chills thinking about it). But, as you said, it's good on some level that she did not live to see the hideous reaction to his winning.

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