Hollering pill junkie loser welfare brat Michele Bachmann promises everybody that if she is elected President, the price of gas will come down to $2. “That will happen,” she says, and nothing else. Ominous! Since Michele won’t specify how this will happen, we will reason through her promise: Bachmann yodels on and on in her speech that gas was $1.79 when Obama took office, which stupid, annoying experts note was the result of the economic crash forcing businesses and humans to stop shipping things or traveling anywhere. And since new domestic drilling can only produce minimal quantities compared to demand that OPEC would offset anyway by reducing output and thus have minimal to zero impact on gas prices, the only way to reduce prices again would be to just destroy the economy anew. But at least we will still have Jesus and a bargain $2 way for Americans to off themselves running the car motor in the closed garage, right Michele?
From CNNMoney:
“You have to be careful what you wish for because the recipe for cheap prices these days is economic disaster,“ [chief oil analyst at the Oil Price Information Service Tom Kloza] said.
Since early 2009, the economy has recovered somewhat and demand for crude has risen. It has even spiked in the developing world — especially in China, India and South America.
Kloza said that increased crude demand is the principal driver behind higher gas prices.
“We’re going to have to recognize the rest of the world has this increasing appetite for oil,“ he said. “If we go below $2 a gallon, it probably means there has been a lot of wealth loss and we are in a deflationary period.“
Whatever works, guys. [CNNMoney]
{ 212 comments }
Wow…she is seriously giving Caribou Barbie a run for her money in sheer stupidity, huh?
Is she really that stupid? Or is she lying? Or both? Yes. And Caribou griftee too.
She really is that stupid. I'm amazed that she made it through law school.
and rickie is saddling up, right behind.
pun intended.
I prefer to think that she is emulating the platonic ideal of stupidity that Sarah Palin was able to achieve during her run for Vice-President.
I'm even more surprised by the fact that an oil "expert" is trying to convince people that paying less than 2 bucks a gallon for gas equates to economic disaster. Maybe for Mobil-Exxon, but not for Joe and Jane Sixpack that have to commute 50 miles a day to get to their low paying job.
pills, baby, pills.
Face it, Michele's "law degree" is from Oral Roberts University, and her "husband" practices Genital Redirective Psychotherapy. I'm guessing that her understanding of economics is either fraudulent or seriously deficient as well.
You could really put every aspect of her life and supposed accomplishments in quotation marks, couldn't you?
"her "husband" practices Genital Redirective Psychotherapy"
Does that mean, if he concentrates really hard, he can turn his vagina into a penis? That makes about as much sense as "praying away the gay," or putting one's economic faith in an "invisible hand." I was just lamenting the other day how the real world keeps disrupting my fantasy life. I'm going to become a Republican, so I can just go ahead and ignore it.
Good luck, I've been barking up that tree ever since I hit puberty. The turning one set of genitals into another, that is
I think it means he redirects his patients' genitals towards his face.
I'm sure it will eventually turn out that her "law degree" is from the "Oral Roberts University" Caribbean "satellite campus," which is just a P.O. Box in Martinique.
I am pretty sure that gas was more expensive than $1.79 but if she can get the price to go down to $2 she has made some sort of deal with the Koch brothers and it is proof that the price of gas is all based on political tricks.
Marcus has offered to "jaw" their boners, like Bush did with the Saudis.
Gas did suspiciously drop in price around election time.
Not here in Colly-fornya.
Off-thread, but are you a wine expert? How come people make fun of me when I buy Chianti?
I am a student of wine (no one knows all of it…) and preparing to take the certified sommelier exam with the Court of Master Sommeliers. People who make fun of the wine you drink are snobs. Those same people won't drink Beaujolais (nouveau or otherwise) because because the Gamay grape is inferior. Don't sweat it. It leaves more good wine for us!
A gallon of unleaded regular gas was $1.79 national average on Obama's inauguration day. It kinda bottomed out that day, then started going back up. A few months before that, the average price hit $4.12 — the all time high.
http://www.gasbuddy.com
OT: When Dubya took office, the DOW was 10,500. After 8 years of his economic miracle, the DOW was 10,500.
It dropped here, but not to $1.79, maybe around $2.50.
Bachmann: "I never said $2 per gallon, I meant $2 per quart!"
That's great news for John McCain!*
*Because his buggy gets 40 hectares per quart.
Now that's just silly — a hectare is a unit of area — you must be thinking of furlongs.
Cubits.
fathoms.
Units of measure might change a bit under a President Bachmann. After seeing that picture of her fellating a corn dog, "mouthful" might be showing up on conversion charts.
No. Hectares was right. John's buggy is a Toro.
Yeah, right, like Panamanian strongman Juan McCain has ever mowed a lawn. The Canal Zone, where he was born, was a cheap-labor paradise for the
imperialist oppressorsAmericans who lived and worked there. That's why they were so mad when Carter gave it away. Fighter pilots and senators don't mow their own lawns either, even if they have nine houses.quart of oats, right?
If Canadians can get away with paying only $0.98 at the pump then why can't we?
(How much is liter, again?)
But that's $0.98 Canadian, which, with our current exchange rate, comes out to roughly $363.72 American. And litres wouldn't fit in our fuel tanks correctly anyway — we use SAE.
Lascau, its “Litres.” The Canadians are elitist.
My bad, I only speak caveman-french, which to real Francophones, makes me even worse than Québécois.
Venezuelans pay around 25 cents a gallon for gas, but that's because Chavez is a socialist.
Why can't we have Teh Socialist? They always get the nice things, like low-cost petrol and universal health care and shit.
Wait I thought we did get a Socialist.
Michele,
You don't know what you are talking about… but I am sure that there are plenty of Morans that will believe you… because they are idiots too.
DR
p.s.- Can I have a milkshake if I vote for you?
Think about this; its impossible for anyone to judge the relative intelligence of two people who are both smarter then they are. To a tard, once its over their head, they can't tell if its an inch over their head, or a mile over their head. There are a million fucktards out there to whom Michelle is Einstein.
Shelly's got nicer hair.
I liked Einstein's better, but I've always had a thing for curls.
Is she running for President of OPEC?
No but she's really good friends with those guys. They said they would help her out.
Maybe she plans on making Donald Trump, Ambassador to OPEC and he will just tell them what America is going to pay for oil.
I think she plans on staring them into oblivion with her KrayZEyez(tm) while screaming "You will PAY!" in that nasal whine until they give up.
Michelle, honey, don't sell yourself short! I've seen the Road Warrior (what America would look like if you and your ideological cohorts got their way) and in that movie oil was totally free… you just had to have a post apocalyptic, armed mohawk-sporting biker gang to wrest it from the inhabitants of the fortified hippie commune protecting the well.
you know we were talking last night about how crappy and results oriented the roberts court is.
i was reminded that i need to remind my disillusioned friends that there really is no alternative and they need to get off their asses and work for dems.
We don't need another zero.
Gibson/Gyro Captain 2012
Well after she vetoes the debt ceiling bill, forcing most agencies to slash their budgets by 90% and laying off millions of government workers, I'll bet the Bachmann economic miracle of $2 gas will be well within reach.
I can eat $2 gasoline? For nutrition?
No, but mud mixed with water will fill your tummy nicely (for a while, anyway; and at least it's free. For now).
Join Today's Repuplican Party, One Mind, Millions of Assholes.
One Mind,Millions of Assholes.is this available as a tee shirt?
I've heard of a hive mind, but a hive asshole? Do. Not. Want.
Hind mind.
You see, if we get the Dollar Tree to sell gas, it'll be a dollar per gallon. That's just what they charge. That's common sense. I am running for president of the United States.
You just gave me a great idea for a business: $1.00 Gas
That's right: I'll open up a gas station called "$1.00 GAS." Gas will be $1.00. Every day. 24/7. That's right our price will always stay the same, no matter what happens to the economy or whatever tricks OPEC decides to play. Come to my gas station and the price will never vary… it will always be $1.00. Only the amount of gas you get for a $1.00 will vary. But the price of gas itself will be FIXED, FIXED, FIXED!
And don't forget nitrogen is a gas too. Dirt cheap.
Blows up baloon and hands it to customer: There you go, buddy. That'll be a dollar. What do you mean that's not what you meant?
I'll bring my thimble.
Oh, it will happen. If she gets elected a Depression will follow and deflation will bring the price of gas down like a stone. Of course, no one will be able to afford 42 a gallon, but the price will be down.
The far right has been agitating for deflation, with their anger over the possibility that the Fed might try to send out more money to help employment. It would help the banks and credit companies and screw over the middle class and poor, so that fits with their goal of a return to feudalism.
While she's makin' shit up try these on for size.
"When I'm Prez the Cubs will win the Series"
"When I'm Prez my husband won't be gay anymore"
"When I'm Prez I'll bring back the Cosby Show"
"When I'm Prez Yentel will be a good movie"
"When I'm Prez 2-PAC will put out a new album"
"When I'm Prez hell will freeze over"
The Cosby show is on every day and I think Tupac will be putting out albums long after both of us are dead- so you are prophetic.
Aw, I miss* the Cosby show.
*Just like I missed it every time it aired originally.
I'm especially liking that last one.
Think this is stupid? Remember Bush W's plan for lower oil prices? He was gonna "jawbone" the Saudis into "openin' the spigot."
I got something Michele could "jawbone." Though Marcus would probably do a better job of it.
" "jawbone" the Saudis"
That's the Texas term for fellatio, you know.
Bone jaw?
How dare you, Bush was very good at jawing the Saudi's boners.
I have doubts about the skills of the man who eats a corn dog with this teeth clenched. You can't do it much wronger than that.
He had to fake it for teh GAYDAR that was surrounding him.
It's not like he could convincingly eat a taco, or a ripe fig to be more poetic, either, so it all evens out I guess.
So is holding hands with the Saudi Prince "jawboning"?
That's foreplay.
No, I think in Saudi society that's known as "first base". Jawboning is one of those things we're all probably too young to know about.
A cucumber? Are you from PETA?
Two dollar gas is a start, but if she really wants my vote, she has to promise to lower the price of a six-pack to 89 cents, like it was in 1975.
And what about the price of hookers???
Hell, I'b be happy if she could get Dogfish Head to come down to $6 per 6 for that crazy IPA of theirs.
Hey, they're right up the street, I'll snag you some irregulars at the back door.
And a dime bag should have an ounce in it, like it did in 1971.
And cost 10 bucks like it did back then.
Hell, I would vote for Adolf Hitler if I could get a lid of Jamaican for 10 bucks again.
chief oil analyst at the Oil Price Information Service Tom Kloza
yeah but fuck that guy. what does he know?
How can he be a chief oil analyst? He doesn't even have an Arab name!
So, to summarize: for gas prices to collapse we need another economic crisis so oil demand plummets.
It's refreshing Bachmann's being so honest about the economic havoc her election will bring.
Shut up. Everybody knows the President personally controls the price of gas.
Except for GWB.
I work with retards that will tell you with a straight face the real reason for Cash For Clunkers was to drive up the price for used cars, and the the President is allowing gas prices to go up to further his tree hugger agenda of Cap And Trade.
Jezus! No wonder you feel a continuing urge to CRUSH the little fux.
HULK SMASH!
When she was saying all those tasty sound bites, did she also screech, "And Barak Obama will be a One-Term President!" If she doesn't say that a certain number of times every day, Marcus, her husband, loses his strong will to convert gays to a more acceptable way of life.
Doesn't matter. Marcus is still daydreaming about that corndog.
Good thing you specified which Marcus.
"Bachmann yodels on and on"…that's gonna make me giggle like Anderson Cooper all day. Niiiiiiiiice!
Don't scoff. $2 gallon gas under President Bachmann is just one Wikipedia entry away.
Make it so.
She clearly does not understand the finer details of Adam Smith's invisible hand (jerb).
I guess she figures if elected she would make Marcus take it in the ass enough to produce enough gas to offset demand to the point where gas prices fell to $2….see it's easy.
this is good news for tea tards riding gas-powered hoverrounds.
Since I can't un-read that, can someone pass the eyeball/brain bleach? I am so sick of crazy eyes. She somehow manages to be worse than snowbilly methbarbie.
That's what's scary. The Alaskunt is lazy and self-absorbed, whereas this woman actually finished two near-college degrees and suckled all those foster brats, so she has some kind of gumption.
An Arizona wingnut Jewish friend of mine tells me the "real" price of gas hasn't gone up, ever. When gas was a quarter a gallon, quarters were made of silver, and the value of that quarter's worth of silver is now about $4, so therefore the price of a gallon of gas, at $3.50, is actually less than a quarter a gallon.
In response to his argument, I compared how many gallons of gas you could buy on 40 hours of minimum wages in 1965 vs how many gallons of gas you can buy on 40 hours of minimum wages in 2011, and I think I win the argument, except we weren't old enough to work in 1965, and neither of us work now, either.
Does your friend understand that there is only so much oil in the world, and demand is going up while the supply is running out?
LALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU/ME…
ok, but when more dinosaurs die, won't we get more oil eventually? I mean, can't God do something about that?
Nobel-prize winning author Jerome Corsi tells us that oil is naturally produced underground through chemical processes under extreme heat and pressure, rather than by the conversion of biological material. So we're good.
Corsi doesn't even know what fuel his fucking swift boat runs on.
You know what country's scientists widely adhered to the abiogenic hypothesis of petroleum origins (that's the official name of that crackpot notion)?
The Soviet Union. Is Jerome Corsi a secret commie? Probably. But isn't it interesting that I'm the only one asking these questions?
We just have to wait about 300 million years or so.
"When gas was a quarter a gallon, quarters were made of silver, and the value of that quarter's worth of silver is now about $4, so therefore the price of a gallon of gas, at $3.50, is actually less than a quarter a gallon."
Air tight in my eyes.
OMG, I just looked up the melt price of a quarter, and it's almost $7.50! Perhaps my AZ Jewish Wingnut friend is right, after all…
But when does she promise a chicken in every pot?
If "chicken in every pot" is some modern euphemism for a hummer she'll have to find a new gimmick cause Sarah Palin already promised everyone one of those. With her eyes. Secretly.
What? It's not enough for you that she's already promised bats in every belfry?
In place of healthcare.
If she turned her husband straight, she can do this, too.
But she didn't, so she can't. QED.
"And everybody will get a flying car and free rides on space ponies!"
I don't know about oil, but the extreme shortage of intelligence in the GOP is going to drive the price of stupid to new heights.
I think you mean new lows because of the huge amount of surplus stupidity.
A stupid mistake in a post about stupidity. Doesn't this cause an endless loop or something?
Yup. You are now locked into meta-krayZ. Have fun!
"Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come down below $2 a gallon"
THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S GOING TO FUCK WITH THE FREE MARKET!!!!! SOCIALIST!!!
She knows her base. If you're an obese redneck driving a GMC (gubbermint motor company) Yukon 45 miles each way to your job at Wallymart, gas at $3.50 is pretty significant.
Still pales in comparison to recharging the Hovaround batteries.
Or a trim carpenter who
hashad to have pickup truck to do his job at the edge-of-nowhere sprawlville housing development where heworksworked.Stupid Liebruls and money bags. The Law of Supply and Demand Isn't in the Constitution or Bible so it's not a real law.
"It will happen." Yeah, I'm sure they're breaking out the parkas in Hell right now.
I would imagine that only canned goods and ammunition would have any real value within months of her inauguration.
What will she do when the oil companies tell her to go fuck herself – or less likely, Marcus?
NEEDS MOAR FREE RANDY TRAVIS!
Two dollars, hunh? Is that like Jed Clampett's "Big Money" that he keeps in the freezer???
When she becomes president, flying monkeys will shoot out of my asshole.
Your comment will be cited in the next Elements of Style as a usage example for "be careful what you wish for."
Now I must vote for her, since that is a sight that must be seen.
She's just playing keepin' -up-with-the-Perrys. Next! Rick Perry will promise everyone a real live messican to perform secessionistic free labor.
You can't get lower gas prices unless you have a deflationary economy and if you want economic growth you can't have lower gas prices. Hmmm. That's the sort of paradox that can make you trip on your balls.
Now One L told Ed Rollins' men
You have to let that raga drop
The oil down the desert way
Has been shakin' to the top
Marcus he drove his Cadillac
He went a' cruisin' down the ville
The rent boy was a' standing
On the radiator grille
~
Gay Cure Jesus do not like it.
Suck the Corn Dog !
Suck the Corn Dog !
Holy fuck balls. We might have to actually start spending the same amount for our gasoline that every other country in the world pays.
It gets even WORSE if we have to buy it in LITRES instead of good old American gallons.
I forgot–what's the exchange rate for Ameros?
Seriously…can you imagine the uproar if gas stations switched to liters?
First Christine, now Michele. I hate to point this out, but both of them are cunts. Can we talk about the pricks now?
Sure. Let's start with that loveable doofwad Grassley. Only this time, he's crying foul on some newly-"disappeared" documentation under the keeps of the SEC. Plenty of pricks to be kicked around there if they're ever identified.
The handlers must be on end-of-season summer vacation. Snake handlers are not viable substitutes, Michele, if your trail of miracles à la
water-into-winewater-into-petrollaughter-into-tears has reached snakebit status.And, if you elect me, there will be no more homework!
If Jesus were alive today, he would be driving a 70’s Detroit muscle car that got 10 miles to the gallon. He would miraculously turn water into gas like Michele turns facts of history into fabrications of sheer nonsense.
Seriously, the Dems should push for a constitutional prohibition against incandescent lights, immediate conversion to the Metric system, mandatory Tri-Lingual signage in all public places, demolition of the interstate highway system to make room for high speed rail corridors, etc… and just see these people's heads explode.
Metrication in particular.
Really people, was there ever a day when political statements had to be based in reality? Politicians have never limited their promises to verifiable facts. Michelle just ups the ante by making laughably ridiculous promises. Maybe tomorrow she'll come out with "a chicken in every pot."
Some chicken with our pot? WHAT!
mmmmm….Pot…
Tippecanoe and Tyler too!
She'd get a lot more of the electorate if she promised pot in every chicken.
Come on guys! Her plan is to take her many government subsudies and buy us all gas. It's simple, morans.
Sharing is socialist. She got hers', now go get your own.
Who should you believe when it comes to the economy–a certifiable loony for whom the most important national issued is incandescent light bulbs or people who actually know something?
Seems clear to me that Michele is the winner.
“You have to be careful what you wish for because the recipe for cheap prices these days is economic disaster,“ [chief oil analyst at the Oil Price Information Service Tom Kloza] said.
Perfect. Economic disaster is just what the GOP/ teabaggers want. They wanted economic collapse in refusing to raise the debt ceiling. Anything so that Obama is defeated, regardless of the consequences. Single-minded stupidity. Also.
Michele, just get the price of hard liquor down. Then we won't care about gas prices.
Wouldn't that be awesome? Bombay Sapphire for $2.00 a gallon!
Statement like this really smoke those polls.
When she becomes President, you'll be able to trade slave children for gasoline in Bartertown.
What if you don't have any slave children? (Eyes remaining inhabitants of home uneasily)
I certainly hope that she hasn’t given up on protecting the endangered incandescent light bulb. Stay focused Michele!
You notice the blovating twat does not mention that six months earlier, July 2008, gasoline was $4.22 regular.
Pray for rain, pray away the gay, pray away the price. It's all the same thing, right? And works every time!
God, I just know all the dumbs and the olds are going "hoo-rah, that's the gal for me!" Fucking penny-pinchers.
The price of gas will come way down as soon as we stop coddling the Welfare Queens who use it all up by driving around in their solid gold Caddys.
No doubt about it, Bachmann is an insult to stupidity.
What was it Schiller said? Against Michele, the gods themselves contend in vain?
$2? Why so much?
Back in the day, when we had a President who raised taxes on the rich, balanced the budget, generated a surplus, gas was only $1 a gallon in Phoenix…
Hey Wonkette!
I luvs my American porno and my American political snark. But you libtards never understand the truth of seperate but equal. Howsabout we get rid of PETA blondie blowing a cucumber over there so I can read my dumb comedy at work without making people uncomfortable?
But Wonkette has always been my "one-stop shop" for porn and snark!
So is everybody reading Wonkette in a dark room with the blinds drawn, then? Am I doing it wrong?
I have a mac and I permanently blocked the IP that serves those images. Now I just see blue squares at work. http://osxdaily.com/2007/03/19/block-access-to-sp...
I think I see another one of those "gotcha" questions coming up at the next debate.
"off themselves running the car motor in the closed garage"
Except the bank already foreclosed on the garage.
Rock the casbah!
Lock the cashbox!
Our founding fathers worked tirelessly for free slaves, and though they never attained their goal, Michele will make their dream a reality: Free Slaves for all, and $2.00 a gallon gas!
OK, so, um, how exactly will we recognize these "free slaves"? Any distinguishing marks? (Continues rubbing "Spade Fade" into skin)
It means she has the support of certain oil companies who will again cynically exploit oil prices for political gain, as they did during the Bush years.
None of the Founding Fathers paid more than two dollars a gallon for gasoline, not even John Quincy Adams. Marcus, meanwhile, is quite upset with the higher prices of man-bras.
I'm sure Michele's will hold his moobs quite nicely.
The Day Obama was inaugurated, the temperature in DC was in the 20s. Today it's hovering near 100. OBAMAR CAUSES THE GLOBAL WARMINGZ (which is a liberal myth).
Also, Bachmann is a cunt.
I had a dream last night: instead of Perry/Palin for 2012, it was Bachmann/Palin. ..Also had a sizable wet spot on the sheet.
Well, I've long suspected Palin was our destiny. With Bachmann as partner, they can ensure our total degradation.
Gas was $1.79 when Obama took office?
The interwebs may say its true, but I call bullshit.
She's actually right. However, you may notice that it hit $4.12 around 7/2008 and then dropped precipitously. What on earth could be the reason for that? I think God did it.
I looked it up too, but don't remember it being that low. Maybe I just didn't buy any gas for that one day she's using as her point of reference.
Well, you know gas is different prices all around the country at any given time, right? Hell, it can be different from station to station in the same metro area. Sometimes, many pennies different. Just because gas wasn't $1.79 where you were doesn't mean that's what the average wasn't. I honestly don't get why people are having such a hard time believing this.
"Hollering pill junkie loser welfare brat Michele Bachmann"
Thank you, Kirsten, this is my new fave description of ole Crazy Eyes
"Michele Bachmann Offers to Crash Economy to (fill in the blank)."
Really, what more needs to be said? Well, it would be nice if Americans have any idea how cheap our energy is.
I think she just went full retard.
You never go full retard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svwGRJA28lY&fe...
If she puts in her proposed reforms and the economy tanks into a depression and gas goes to $1.25 then she will be able to say she exceeded her goal.
This gal would certainly do herself a world of good (and I apologize in advance if someone has already made reference to this) if she could just find a running mate with the last name of Turner.
Parsecs.
Everything's cool. We just need more dinosaurs to die.
It runs on the slurry of a thousand dead hippies.
Hot air and flatulence.
Liters would be Socialist
the length from McCain's elbow to the tip of his middle finger.
Or if you measure from his a-hole….never mind.
taint no way to arrive at unit of measurement.
too true!
Nah, the Repuglies got confused anaconda they don't know about The Blax and assumed, because he is one, that that makes him a Islamomunifascisocialist. If he was REALLY a soshulist, we'd have daily hangings of bankers. Rly.
I'd buy that for a dollar.
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