dick moves

Muslim Group Receives a Disturbing Letter About Allen West’s Nuts

yummmAllen West is no friend to Muslims, and he will not apologize for this. He has spent far too many hours researching listening to strange lectures about the great Muslim conspiracy against America to reflect or change his mind at this point. Even so, the Council on American-Islamic Relations rolled its eyes recently and thought, “Eh, we’ll give it a shot.” The CAIR then sent a letter to Allen West, asking him to maybe consider not running around with Islamophobic wackjobs, blabbering about Sharia and the Muslim Brotherhood and what not. And then Allen West received the letter, probably had a laugh with an intern who made a joke about nuts while crafting their response, prompting Allen West to say, “HA HA THAT IS FUNNY, put that in the letter!”

And they did put it in the letter, along with absolutely nothing else.

Now, CAIR has received a letter from West with a one-word response to their request. In what the Miami New Times is calling possibly “dumbest thing ever written on congressional stationery,” West simply wrote back, “NUTS!”


Oh relax, Miami New Times, nuts come into contact with congressional stationery pretty much every single day, we bet.

One has to wonder why West chose to respond in this bizarre way. One possible explanation is that West is channeling a famous line by an American general fighting the Nazis during World War II. During a battle with German troops in Western Europe, Gen. Anthony McAuliffe was told that the Germans wanted his men to surrender. He replied, “Us surrender? Aw, nuts!”

No…he is probably just channeling his nuts. [ThinkProgress]

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Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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  1. Tundra Grifter

    That would be the Battle of the Bulge – the fight the TeaBaggers take on every day.

    As for Mr. West, he's nuttier than squirrel poop.

    1. MaxUdargo

      When I was a little boy and it would come on TV, I would always feel sad for Telly Savalas when the Germans shot the top off of his tank and then later Henry Fonda shows up with some soldiers and they want to ride on Telly's tank and he's really upset because his little American tank can't hurt the big German super tanks and they shot off the top of his tank and he starts crying and waving his machine gun around and yelling at the soldiers "Get off my tank!" Then I think Henry Fonda gives him a hug and then he lets the soldiers ride on his tank.

      The scene where that guy writes "Nuts!" to the Germans is good too, but if I were Allen West I would have wrote back to the Muslims, "Get off my tank!"

  2. iburl

    "dumbest thing ever written on congressional stationery"

    I think that would have to be:

    "Allen B. West
    Member of Congress"

  3. Texan_Bulldog

    Allen West sounds like the kind of guy that would get shot by his own troops…just saying.

    1. Gunner Asch

      My platoon sergeant put me in for a Bronze Star in Vietnam. It was officially for other stuff, but on the QT I learned it was because everybody appreciated it so much when I riot-gassed a particularly obnoxious Captain.

        1. Gunner Asch

          I guess it wasn't a "real" fragging. After all, he didn't deserve to die. But he did deserve to be made a laughingstock.

  4. Tundra Grifter

    The Think Progress item isn't quite accurate. Gen. McAuliffe actually did send that message to the German general.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      The whole story is a little more complicated than depicted. You may know, this, but for everyone who may not, it goes like this:

      German commander sends formal request to surrender. McAuliffe is bemused by this, turns to aide, asks how do I respond to this. Aide says say what you always do to crazy stuff. What do I always say? Asks McAuliffe. The aide says "Nuts" and McAuliffe says "Yes, say that. Nuts!" and the message is sent to the bemusement of the Germans.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        When I was a kid I was a documentary on this – perhaps it was "You Were There!" One of those. Probably narrated by Walter Cronkite.

        They interviewed the German general, asking him what he thought. He didn't get it exactly – he said "We thought it was 'Oh, you silly nuts, or something like that.'"

        However, he did get the bottom line. No surrender. Which was a good thing, because the Germans probably would have lined up the Allied soldiers and shot them. It was 1944 and they couldn't handle prisoners.

        They did slaughter some Allied POWs. And the Allies returned the favor.

    2. Steverino247

      "If you don't know what 'Nuts' means, in plain English it is the same as 'Go to Hell'. And I'll tell you something else, if you continue to attack we will kill every goddam German that tries to break into this city."

      From here: http://www.thedropzone.org/europe/bulge/kinnard.h

      This reply from Rep. West indicates he is comparing himself with Gen. McAuliffe, which he most certainly cannot be in any real sense. He is intending to tell the Muslims to go to hell. What he is telling the world is that he is insane.

  5. PeaceWithHonor

    He has to equate himself with the defenders of Bastogne because he's a miserable, cowardly piece of shit.

    1. PristinePantalones

      Yes. He's only good at torturing terrified civilians by threatening to kill them and screaming at them. Worthless smegmic prick.

  6. voodooeconomics

    Keep it up Florida! We got them here; all nuts gathered in a single drawer; Too bad Rick " Bush is smarter than Me" Perry and Michele "12-inch Corndog" Bachman are not from around here.

  7. WhatTheHeck

    CAIR responded by sending Allen a pair of Camel nutz to replace his Truck nutz.
    See, the mooselims do have a sense of humor.

  8. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Well, that'll certainly help American-Islamic relations.

    Imagine a palm covering a human face, repeatedly, forever.

    Although it could be a description of the tea party caucus, I suppose?

  9. Limeylizzie

    Limeylizzie, Wonketteer and All-round Good Time Girl,
    Harlem and Hollywood,

    Dear Mr.West,

    You're a proper cunt.

    Steadfast and Loyal,


    1. x111e7thst

      Wonketteer and All-round Good Time Girl and, if I remember correctly ex-asskicking skinhead. I admire that resume.

    2. mayor_quimby

      If we darker Wonketteers can get a consensus, we can vote him to be un-blacker than he already is. Not to foist him on our pale brethren, just push him over to neutral, for karma's sake.
      Show of hands?
      Ok, now just the black hands.

      1. Negropolis

        Yeah, I'm definitely for moving him from "black" to "swarthy" or "some kind of Spanish." So, I'm laying my black card on the table.

        Hear-hear! All those for say "aye".

      2. mayor_quimby

        Alright, it's official, by a 3/3rds supermajority !
        Fuck That Guy.
        Somebody grab his black card and burn it in front of him, like I'm sure his commanding officer did with his medals and ribbons.
        Man ,he is gonna have a hard time convincing the cops that 'Officer, but I'm not black' when he gets pulled over with a live boy or a dead girl.

      1. Negropolis

        Maybe we can simply split the difference and go with "a proper dozy cunt"? Other names and insults and retorts to consider could include:

        "blood pudding for brains"
        "a bag of spotted dicks"
        "a well proper/good wanker"
        "bugger off, bruv"

  10. mavenmaven

    He wants truck nuts for the car he's going to drive for Bohner (as in the Affleck "promortional" movie).

  11. Chet Kincaid

    (Nature Show Host hushed voice:) And so, the circle of life revolves again! A newborn, baby Meme pecks its way into the larger world to feel the air on its fuzzy skin and take its first trembling steps. Listen to its cry… "NUTS!….NUTS!"

    1. PristinePantalones

      You do impressions, don't you?

      First Werner Herzog, now NatureShowHost, Generic. Excellent.

    2. 102415

      Nuts. Nuts…… Wait a minute… Oh shit, Walnuts!! Now I get it. He's like McCain without the airplanes crashing.

  12. gullywompr

    Dear Mr. Allen West,

    I am writing to you with regard to your latest letter:



  13. x111e7thst

    What a punk. A real man would have responded with "TruckNutz". Which is what that General actually said.

  14. user-of-owls

    Says a lot about a man when he signs off on his official letters with the "Top Two Traits Admired in Dogs by Breeders and Owners," as reported in this month's issue Connoisseurs of Canines.

    1. PristinePantalones

      Is there anything admirable at all about this guy, other than the fact that he once served in the military (which is not, I maintain, necessarily admirable in and of itself)? Anything at all? So far, he seems like a misogynistic, closeted, homophobic bully with no understanding of anything, not even his pathetic need for self-aggrandizement.

      1. HistoriCat

        And apparently delusions of grandeur. Assuming that he is copying General McAuliffe, he equates an opposing army's demand for surrender to be equal to a letter basically asking him to not associate with whackos. He's just a little stress away from believing he's Napoleon or Julius Caesar.

        1. PristinePantalones

          I will make the big videotaped haha when he finally loses it screaming on a public stage. Because, as you point out, he is just >< this close.

  15. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Why would a Congressman respond in such a juvenile to a letter from any group? He is trying so hard to show that he hates Muslims, I wonder…..

    Maybe he is a secret Muslim himself?

    1. __kth__

      If you click through, you'll see that the "fuck you" from West was in response to a request that he cut ties with Pam Gellar, the hate blogger who inspired the Norway massacre.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          She and West could have the perfect marriage of hypocrisy, lunacy and self-hatred. So long as he dresses up in the Sheikh costume while shtupping her.

  16. Chet Kincaid

    Nice try, CAIR! You will not be getting close enough to Representative Steadfast B. Loyal to install your listening device inside his pristine, 1987 fade!!

  17. Callyson

    I can hear Debbie Wasserman Schultz' laughter all the way out here in Los Angeles…
    NUTS, indeed…or, in Arabic according to Google Translate:

  18. horsedreamer_1

    Some people will debase themselves so much to feel a sense of belonging. Abused women do porn, blacks become Republicans. Neither will ever really be accepted.

    1. PristinePantalones

      I'm not necessarily sure I would agree about "the blax." I think the Black community tends to be more conservative than the white community, on a lot of different issues. The difference is that most Blacks won't *vote* Republican. Although a lot of Black people will be happy to give you an earful that sounds remarkably like older white conservatives (with the sole exception of hatin' on teh culludz, of course).

      1. Rotundo_

        Isn't most of that conservatism in the social realm as opposed to the libertarian crap that the money wing of the republican party worships? I'm thinking that a lot of social conservative beliefs are more inspired by religious teachings. Hispanic folk have a similar social conservatism. But when push comes to shove in the economic world, they know what justice is and is not. That is one thing that white social conservatives have apparently lost over time: they're so blinded they can't see that they're voting to shaft themselves

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Yup. Because even poor &/or "poor" whites have just enough to think they're keeping up with the CPA & MBA types with a boat, four bedroom/three bath house, to think not that they'll need, maybe, certain social justice remedies.

          Blacks & Latinos have always done abysmally enough, per capita, to know what's what.

        2. PristinePantalones

          Excellent point. Poor black folks (and all black folks know that for most of them poverty is just a generation or a job away) and poor Latinos know quite well that they're being exploited by TPTB. Socially, they might be very conservative, but economically, most of them have a serious dedication to social justice issues.

          As for poor/working class white folk, some fine Wonketteer pointed out that the general mindset appears to be, "Well, I may be poor, unemployed, and have shit on a plate for the foreseeable future, but at least I ain't (insert derogatory term for ethnic groups of browner persuasion here)." They're happy to vote for anything that will keep "those goddamn n****** and spics offa MY welfare tax dollars," even if it means they lose their hoverounds – wait, wut?

  19. Callyson

    Also, I know you Floridians are busy making robocalls to Rick Scott, thanks to pinksliprick.com, but can someone set up a way to barrage West will calls as well?
    Or, just bust his nuts?

    1. PristinePantalones

      I'd opt for the latter. They're equally shameless hucksters, but Allen will be more satisfying to beat the shit out of. Rick is just gonna curl up in a ball and cry, and where's the fun in that?

  20. Guppy06

    I think I've sen pictures on the internet of nuts being "channeled."

    I don't drink nearly enough.

  21. Warpde

    Now, just maybe, if he written back
    "AH! Ball Sacks"
    He would have sounded more "anatomicly edumacated"

  22. JustPixelz

    In Allen West's mind, his Muslim fellow American citizens are the German Army that is surrounding him. Maybe his time in Iraq, actually surrounded by Muslims who were not greeting him as a liberator, altered his perception of reality: Muslims are Germans, Americans are Germans, "Nuts" is discourse.

    OT True Fact: During WWII, the Palestinians supported the Nazis because the Nazis were fighting the British who controlled Palestine after the Ottoman Empire collapsed after WWI. (See "Lawrence of Arabia".) Anyway, Germany supported Jewish immigration to Palestine. "Jews anywhere else or dead," was the official policy. So some Palestinian leaders of the time supported Jewish immigration too. Until Germany lost.

    1. Limeylizzie

      There was also a totally awesome Jewish Brigade set up by the British and made up of British Jews and Palestinian Jews that went into Italy and kicked serious ass.

  23. Chet Kincaid

    This dipshit does not even know how to deploy a colorful expression properly. Cook County Commissioner and former Chicago alderman William Beavers is very proud of constantly blurting out "I'm the hog with the big nuts!" as a show of political virility.

  24. PristinePantalones

    If that's the Miami New Times' explanation, it's piss-weak. I very much doubt that schlimazel has ever read military history, unless it's military historical *fiction.* I do believe he will lose his seat, though. He's coming unhinged in public, and I don't think the American electorate cares for that.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Or "The Battle of the Bulge". Piggy backed with "The Longest Day", and to get his anger up "Tora!Tora!Tora!"

        In fact, CAIR should probably just be glad he didn't channel his inner Tojo and had his criminal biker buddies buzz bomb their offices.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      Nah, he was an ossifer, right? That's one of the standard officer-training anecdotes, like Patton shooting at the Messerschmitt with his pearl-handled revolver.

      Impossible to avoid.

      That said:

      1. Assuming this is the meaning makes West look even more wackadoodle than if he were just babbling. Who the fuck is he surrounded by, except idiot voters?

      2. Neilist, if you're out there, no, I'm not sure it was an Me, but I'm not gonna look it up, okay?

  25. Blendergoathead

    I'd add this little story to the arsenal of examples of utterly stupid behaviors exhibited by teatards that I use on my… *cough* old, white moronic family members at functions where I'm compelled to interact with them (once or twice a year, thank the dark lordz), but this ain't shit compared to the Bachmann/Elvis fuckup. Now that's a keeper.

    p.s. Fuck Allen West.

    1. Rotundo_

      So much for Michele burnishing her redneck credentials. That one is gonna cost her big with the bubbas (myself included) who are fans of the peanut butter and 'nanna sammich fueled singer. If you can't keep his birthday and when he died straight, you're not a fan, don't pander to them, they don't take kindly to it.

  26. DashboardBuddha

    I may have bought myself a bit of trouble, but GODDAMN this pissed me off. Here's the letter, with my actual name and email that I just posted to his site. Foreward your postcards to Gitmo. :-(

    ""I have read your response to CAIR and let me say this; you are a racist piece of dung. I have known men of honor who served at the Battle of Bastogne and I must say you are no man of honor. I know you are just trying to be cute and get your "base" worked up with your faux patriot chicken crap, but in the end your are a bully and a grandstander. Aren't there Iraqi civilians you could be beating up? I don't ofen give to political campaigns, but rest assured that whoever your opponent I will certainly be giving support to him/her and not you. You sir aren't fit to be a Walmart greeter…and even that is an insult to those people who actually WORK at their jobs. You are a disgrace.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      I'd say "But how do you really feel?", but I think I've already got the general idea.

      He is a big ol' pieceashit, isn't he?

    2. keepem_sikanpor

      My grandfather was at Malmedy and I know how you feel. He was a doctor and is actually still alive today. When president bachman's henchmen catch up with me, I hope we are cellmates at Gitmo…

      1. DashboardBuddha

        Damn…that's pretty heavy. What a bad place to be. My ex-father-in-law was right in Bastogne. If you ever watched Band of Brothers, there's a scene where a US Army AA gun is blasting away at German bombers. That was basically what he did.

    3. BerkeleyBear

      My gramps died in WWII (fighting for Latvia, which oddly meant the Nazis were the good guys – go figure) and I've always had a deep respect for veterans of any war. But West is a walking talking reminder that putting on a uniform doesn't make you a better person. And that a lot of assholes put the uniform on for all the wrong reasons, and never get better.

    1. Ruhe

      What LBJ wanted was a good pair of pants that had a bit more room in the taint. The Civil Rights Act was a side project.

  27. Doktor Zoom

    Only in a teabagger's mind could a request to please not be a bigoted douchebag be equated with a demand to surrender.

  28. Negropolis

    He should have done what most politicians do in concerns to constituent concerns: ignore them. lol

    What a wanker. Forget about banning TruckNutz, I think we need to ban CongressNutz.

  29. Lucidamente1

    Back in the day, there was a Senator Bilbo of Mississippi, who used to begin letters to Jews with "Dear Kike." I'm sure he'd be proud.

  30. hilbillyheroine

    Is it just me, or is wonkette getting really lazy with the stories? Let's be honest. There are SO MANY other good stories out there.

  31. vodkamuppet

    So this fucking dipshit thinks he's A.C. Macaulliffe holding off the Germans at Bastogne because he's a fucking bigot, a black bigot, fending off imaginary sharia law because the battle of the bulge and the hatred of Muslims everywhere are exactly the same thing. I fucking hate this country.

  32. fuflans

    oh and great. now we get a day (tomorrow) of feverish coverish of christine o'donnell walking off a set like she hadn't planned that from the very beginning.

    fuck me.

  33. not that Dewey

    Hon. Rep. West:

    You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!

    Staid, fast, and loyal,


  34. benjo765

    I thought the *whole point* of representative democracy was that people like this guy don't have to take decisions?

  35. Boojum_Reborn

    I believe this was a one word poem, a paean of tribute, an homage to the mentally challenged and psychologically disabled who elected this man to Congress. Steadfast in his paranoia, loyal to those whose IQ can be calculated without removing one's shoes, Congressman West shouts his self-affirmation to the Heavens. "Nuts!" he cries, the sound of looney, lonely stupidity echoing helplessly off the inner walls of the cavern of his skull. "Nuts!" he shrieks to the hordes of Rascal riding retards, challenging them to follow him to the bottom of the idiocracy that is Tea. "Nuts!" one final time, as he slumps, sobbing, to the floor, dimly aware that his elevator will never, quite, reach the top.

  36. widget2011

    In this day and age, I think he meant to say TRUKNUTZ. He must be reading too much World Net Daily, or in particular, too much of Chuck Norris's fake, quasi-ghostwriter. He must be too dumb to realize that most teatards would tar and feather him anyway.

  37. lochnessmonster

    First time I ever saw the closing "Steadfast and Loyal". Guess there is a first time for everything.

  38. DashboardBuddha

    Apologies, folks. i took another look at the copy of the letter to the Pest in the West and I thought, "Jeez, Dash…bombast much?" While I'm glad I sent the letter to PitW, I can think of no good reason to re-post it here.

    Fat, drunk and angry is no way to go through life, son.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Thanks all…I have this thing where my impulse control goes right out the window sometimes. I'm glad that it seems like I use my powers for good.

  39. Ruhe

    Channeling his nuts?! No. He's channeling Harriet Tubman who famously responded to a bus driver's demand that she move to the back by saying "Nuts"! I know it's true cause I saw it on a PBS show. And now the congressman is possessed by the spirit of this feisty transit rider.

  40. horsedreamer_1

    Imagine a GOP 2012 ticket of Bachmann-West. Or, as Sarah Palin would call it, Sambo meets the Bitch.

  41. PristinePantalones

    Elderly folks on Medicare; lots of socially liberal Jews. He's toast.

    He's already begging for bux in various online ads, promising all kinds of sweet, sweet teabaggery in exchange for your dimes.

    1. 102415

      The kind of toast you scrape with a butter knife but end up throwing away so it can get on the TEEVEE's for *writing* a book.

  42. ttommyunger

    This dumb cunt made it to Light Colonel and got fucking Cashiered out of the Army, fer Chrissakes! He wouldn't make a pimple on the lowest Private's ass who served at Bastogne. Florida, Kentucky, Georgia, Virginia and Texas: Dumbest voters in the Country.

  43. fantum


    DemocRAT loons are squawking and flapping around in outrage, gnashing teeth, spitting blood, heads exploding, charges, accusations, finger-pointing, Bush did it, Boehner did it, Palin did it, Fox did it, racists, tea-baggers, stupid voters, hungry babies, dying old folks, and on and on ad nauseam…

    DemocRATS controlled Congress and had their way for 6 years, HANDING OUT TREATS to gain worthless Obama voters at taxpayer expense. Now, while most DemocRATS are throwing a tantrum, at least some are realizing the Liver Lip Liar is selling ALL Americans down the river.

    Abandon our allies, support our enemies, ignore our security, degrade our military, increase racial tensions, weaken our economy, encourage the invasion from Mexico and place huge, unsustainable debit on American taxpayers. Every day he is in office, Obama degrades America further!

    How pathetic it is to watch Obama, the arrogant, self-centered, little wart twist, turn, lie and blame everyone but himself for his failure as he continues to stir the pot. NOT pathetic for Obama but for the American fools who elected him. Obama laughs at them while they still swoon over his every lie, marching lockstep on their way to servitude and Socialism.

    How Can an American President Be so Anti-American? http://usataxpayer.org/vids.asp?A=42112207


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