DICK MOVES  8:12 pm August 17, 2011

Muslim Group Receives a Disturbing Letter About Allen West’s Nuts

by Blair Burke

yummmAllen West is no friend to Muslims, and he will not apologize for this. He has spent far too many hours researching listening to strange lectures about the great Muslim conspiracy against America to reflect or change his mind at this point. Even so, the Council on American-Islamic Relations rolled its eyes recently and thought, “Eh, we’ll give it a shot.” The CAIR then sent a letter to Allen West, asking him to maybe consider not running around with Islamophobic wackjobs, blabbering about Sharia and the Muslim Brotherhood and what not. And then Allen West received the letter, probably had a laugh with an intern who made a joke about nuts while crafting their response, prompting Allen West to say, “HA HA THAT IS FUNNY, put that in the letter!”

And they did put it in the letter, along with absolutely nothing else.

Now, CAIR has received a letter from West with a one-word response to their request. In what the Miami New Times is calling possibly “dumbest thing ever written on congressional stationery,” West simply wrote back, “NUTS!”


Oh relax, Miami New Times, nuts come into contact with congressional stationery pretty much every single day, we bet.

One has to wonder why West chose to respond in this bizarre way. One possible explanation is that West is channeling a famous line by an American general fighting the Nazis during World War II. During a battle with German troops in Western Europe, Gen. Anthony McAuliffe was told that the Germans wanted his men to surrender. He replied, “Us surrender? Aw, nuts!”

No…he is probably just channeling his nuts. [ThinkProgress]

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jdoleman August 17, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Perhaps Mr West was explaining his mental state?

fuflans August 17, 2011 at 8:46 pm

honey badger don't give a shit.

jdoleman August 17, 2011 at 8:58 pm

That is the best thing about Honey Badgers.

Swampgas_Man August 18, 2011 at 3:25 pm

His mental state, or the location of his brain?

Tundra Grifter August 17, 2011 at 8:16 pm

That would be the Battle of the Bulge – the fight the TeaBaggers take on every day.

As for Mr. West, he's nuttier than squirrel poop.

ManchuCandidate August 17, 2011 at 9:03 pm

The worst is the daily trip to Bastonge… the toilet.

donner_froh August 17, 2011 at 9:27 pm

I think most TeaBaggers have surrendered in the Battle of the Bulge–some of them years ago from the looks of things.

EatsBabyDingos August 17, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Sans-a-belt to Sans-a-brain.

fuflans August 18, 2011 at 12:14 am

can you imagine this tool being your rep?


MaxUdargo August 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm

When I was a little boy and it would come on TV, I would always feel sad for Telly Savalas when the Germans shot the top off of his tank and then later Henry Fonda shows up with some soldiers and they want to ride on Telly's tank and he's really upset because his little American tank can't hurt the big German super tanks and they shot off the top of his tank and he starts crying and waving his machine gun around and yelling at the soldiers "Get off my tank!" Then I think Henry Fonda gives him a hug and then he lets the soldiers ride on his tank.

The scene where that guy writes "Nuts!" to the Germans is good too, but if I were Allen West I would have wrote back to the Muslims, "Get off my tank!"

iburl August 17, 2011 at 8:17 pm

"dumbest thing ever written on congressional stationery"

I think that would have to be:

"Allen B. West
Member of Congress"

the_problem_child August 17, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Does the member include the nuts?

starfanglednut August 17, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I think they're attached.

Nostrildamus August 18, 2011 at 2:51 pm

You gotta keep the base happy.

Pres.Beeblebrox August 17, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Steadfast & loyal, yo.

Texan_Bulldog August 17, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Allen West sounds like the kind of guy that would get shot by his own troops…just saying.

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 9:23 pm

All those years, and he *still* couldn't make colonel … just sayin'

Gunner Asch August 17, 2011 at 10:47 pm

My platoon sergeant put me in for a Bronze Star in Vietnam. It was officially for other stuff, but on the QT I learned it was because everybody appreciated it so much when I riot-gassed a particularly obnoxious Captain.

AJWjr. August 18, 2011 at 9:20 am

Is it too late to frag this bastard?

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I feel compelled to upfist you for this. Also, too. Yay, fragging.

Gunner Asch August 18, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I guess it wasn't a "real" fragging. After all, he didn't deserve to die. But he did deserve to be made a laughingstock.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 8:31 pm

It's the thought that counts. Yay almost-fragging.

Just kidding.

smokefilleddoommate August 17, 2011 at 8:19 pm

…suitable for framing.

Tundra Grifter August 17, 2011 at 8:19 pm

The Think Progress item isn't quite accurate. Gen. McAuliffe actually did send that message to the German general.

BerkeleyBear August 17, 2011 at 8:49 pm

The whole story is a little more complicated than depicted. You may know, this, but for everyone who may not, it goes like this:

German commander sends formal request to surrender. McAuliffe is bemused by this, turns to aide, asks how do I respond to this. Aide says say what you always do to crazy stuff. What do I always say? Asks McAuliffe. The aide says "Nuts" and McAuliffe says "Yes, say that. Nuts!" and the message is sent to the bemusement of the Germans.

Tundra Grifter August 17, 2011 at 10:40 pm

When I was a kid I was a documentary on this – perhaps it was "You Were There!" One of those. Probably narrated by Walter Cronkite.

They interviewed the German general, asking him what he thought. He didn't get it exactly – he said "We thought it was 'Oh, you silly nuts, or something like that.'"

However, he did get the bottom line. No surrender. Which was a good thing, because the Germans probably would have lined up the Allied soldiers and shot them. It was 1944 and they couldn't handle prisoners.

They did slaughter some Allied POWs. And the Allies returned the favor.

Steverino247 August 18, 2011 at 9:57 am

"If you don't know what 'Nuts' means, in plain English it is the same as 'Go to Hell'. And I'll tell you something else, if you continue to attack we will kill every goddam German that tries to break into this city."

From here: http://www.thedropzone.org/europe/bulge/kinnard.h

This reply from Rep. West indicates he is comparing himself with Gen. McAuliffe, which he most certainly cannot be in any real sense. He is intending to tell the Muslims to go to hell. What he is telling the world is that he is insane.

PeaceWithHonor August 17, 2011 at 8:20 pm

He has to equate himself with the defenders of Bastogne because he's a miserable, cowardly piece of shit.

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Yes. He's only good at torturing terrified civilians by threatening to kill them and screaming at them. Worthless smegmic prick.

voodooeconomics August 17, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Keep it up Florida! We got them here; all nuts gathered in a single drawer; Too bad Rick " Bush is smarter than Me" Perry and Michele "12-inch Corndog" Bachman are not from around here.

HistoriCat August 17, 2011 at 9:42 pm

If you want them you can have them. No thanks or exchange necessary!

WhatTheHeck August 17, 2011 at 8:23 pm

CAIR responded by sending Allen a pair of Camel nutz to replace his Truck nutz.
See, the mooselims do have a sense of humor.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 18, 2011 at 7:34 am

Letter in reply:

Dear Mr. West:




smokefilleddoommate August 17, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Amazingly Racist,
Allen B. Moran

Fukui_sanYesOta August 17, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Well, that'll certainly help American-Islamic relations.

Imagine a palm covering a human face, repeatedly, forever.

Although it could be a description of the tea party caucus, I suppose?

Limeylizzie August 17, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Limeylizzie, Wonketteer and All-round Good Time Girl,
Harlem and Hollywood,

Dear Mr.West,

You're a proper cunt.

Steadfast and Loyal,


x111e7thst August 17, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Wonketteer and All-round Good Time Girl and, if I remember correctly ex-asskicking skinhead. I admire that resume.

mayor_quimby August 17, 2011 at 11:08 pm

If we darker Wonketteers can get a consensus, we can vote him to be un-blacker than he already is. Not to foist him on our pale brethren, just push him over to neutral, for karma's sake.
Show of hands?
Ok, now just the black hands.

Negropolis August 18, 2011 at 6:29 am

Yeah, I'm definitely for moving him from "black" to "swarthy" or "some kind of Spanish." So, I'm laying my black card on the table.

Hear-hear! All those for say "aye".

Terry August 18, 2011 at 9:11 am

Do you think the "some kind of Spanish" people would take him?

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Hands up and fists also.

mayor_quimby August 18, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Alright, it's official, by a 3/3rds supermajority !
Fuck That Guy.
Somebody grab his black card and burn it in front of him, like I'm sure his commanding officer did with his medals and ribbons.
Man ,he is gonna have a hard time convincing the cops that 'Officer, but I'm not black' when he gets pulled over with a live boy or a dead girl.

Nothingisamiss August 18, 2011 at 12:15 am

Can he also be "dozy" or is "a proper cunt" just worse all around?

Negropolis August 18, 2011 at 6:30 am

Maybe we can simply split the difference and go with "a proper dozy cunt"? Other names and insults and retorts to consider could include:

"blood pudding for brains"
"a bag of spotted dicks"
"a well proper/good wanker"
"bugger off, bruv"

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 18, 2011 at 3:49 am

I always love hearing "cunt" in an English accent. It always sounds so refine.

rocktonsam August 17, 2011 at 8:32 pm


this decade acts as though the sixties never happened

user-of-owls August 17, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Nuts is this generation's Gettysburg Address.

MLHencken August 17, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Yes, though in this case written on the back of slim- Jim wrapper while en route to the congressional whorehouse.

anniegetyerfun August 17, 2011 at 11:31 pm

I regret that I have but one nut to give for my country.

not that Dewey August 18, 2011 at 2:10 am

I thought that this was this generation's Gettysburg Address.

mavenmaven August 17, 2011 at 8:34 pm

He wants truck nuts for the car he's going to drive for Bohner (as in the Affleck "promortional" movie).

GuanoFaucet August 17, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I hope CAIR writes back:


Limeylizzie August 17, 2011 at 8:52 pm

That would be fantastique.

Chet Kincaid August 17, 2011 at 8:36 pm

(Nature Show Host hushed voice:) And so, the circle of life revolves again! A newborn, baby Meme pecks its way into the larger world to feel the air on its fuzzy skin and take its first trembling steps. Listen to its cry… "NUTS!….NUTS!"

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 9:27 pm

You do impressions, don't you?

First Werner Herzog, now NatureShowHost, Generic. Excellent.

Chet Kincaid August 17, 2011 at 11:59 pm

I was hearing Ren's narration in the "Untamed World" episode of Ren & Stimpy, to tell you the truth!

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 2:53 am

Oh, that was so fucking perfect! Thanks!

102415 August 17, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Nuts. Nuts…… Wait a minute… Oh shit, Walnuts!! Now I get it. He's like McCain without the airplanes crashing.

mayor_quimby August 17, 2011 at 11:10 pm

He just shoots rounds past the pilot's heads.

fuflans August 18, 2011 at 12:15 am

ahh so good.

gullywompr August 17, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Dear Mr. Allen West,

I am writing to you with regard to your latest letter:



PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Where do I sign?

102415 August 17, 2011 at 10:25 pm

I'm in too, where do I sign.

x111e7thst August 17, 2011 at 8:37 pm

What a punk. A real man would have responded with "TruckNutz". Which is what that General actually said.

Pragmatist2 August 17, 2011 at 8:37 pm

I'm surprised he spelled it right.

arihaya August 17, 2011 at 9:53 pm

but he capitalized all the letters !

still the typical baggers typography

user-of-owls August 17, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Says a lot about a man when he signs off on his official letters with the "Top Two Traits Admired in Dogs by Breeders and Owners," as reported in this month's issue Connoisseurs of Canines.

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Is there anything admirable at all about this guy, other than the fact that he once served in the military (which is not, I maintain, necessarily admirable in and of itself)? Anything at all? So far, he seems like a misogynistic, closeted, homophobic bully with no understanding of anything, not even his pathetic need for self-aggrandizement.

HistoriCat August 17, 2011 at 9:48 pm

And apparently delusions of grandeur. Assuming that he is copying General McAuliffe, he equates an opposing army's demand for surrender to be equal to a letter basically asking him to not associate with whackos. He's just a little stress away from believing he's Napoleon or Julius Caesar.

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 10:00 pm

I will make the big videotaped haha when he finally loses it screaming on a public stage. Because, as you point out, he is just >< this close.

Chet Kincaid August 18, 2011 at 12:17 am

He got kicked out of the Army after shooting a gun off next to a prisoner's head to get the guy to babble some useless information.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 2:58 am

See? This is what I mean. He's a fucking bully.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 17, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Why would a Congressman respond in such a juvenile to a letter from any group? He is trying so hard to show that he hates Muslims, I wonder…..

Maybe he is a secret Muslim himself?

Arken August 17, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Well he is a black man…

__kth__ August 17, 2011 at 10:08 pm

If you click through, you'll see that the "fuck you" from West was in response to a request that he cut ties with Pam Gellar, the hate blogger who inspired the Norway massacre.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 3:00 am

Jezus. That fuckng shrieking harpy.

Chet Kincaid August 18, 2011 at 8:51 am

She and West could have the perfect marriage of hypocrisy, lunacy and self-hatred. So long as he dresses up in the Sheikh costume while shtupping her.

horsedreamer_1 August 18, 2011 at 12:16 pm

But, like Clayton Bigsby, he would eventually have to divorce her, for being….

Terry August 18, 2011 at 9:12 am

Perhaps he was traumatized by a bean pie when he was a kid.

fuflans August 17, 2011 at 8:44 pm

this is good news for Thaddeus McCotter.

Mumbletypeg August 17, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Why do I have a feeling Mr. West probably pronounces "Shi'a" in a way that sounds like Senator Clay Davis, with an extra edge of contempt?

mayor_quimby August 17, 2011 at 11:12 pm

One thousand upfists, I gotta order that box set.

fartknocker August 18, 2011 at 12:52 am

Ditto. That made my evening (along with the smooth, sweet taste of Jamison). Upfists for you.

SheriffRoscoe August 17, 2011 at 8:47 pm

NUTS is in all caps, staying true to wingnut form, ftmfw.

Nostrildamus August 18, 2011 at 3:52 pm

s/b: NUTS !!!?!?!!11!!!

Chet Kincaid August 17, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Nice try, CAIR! You will not be getting close enough to Representative Steadfast B. Loyal to install your listening device inside his pristine, 1987 fade!!

Callyson August 17, 2011 at 8:50 pm

I can hear Debbie Wasserman Schultz' laughter all the way out here in Los Angeles…
NUTS, indeed…or, in Arabic according to Google Translate:

Mumbletypeg August 17, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Neo-Nutzy: Haunting a ball park near some of us.

horsedreamer_1 August 17, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Some people will debase themselves so much to feel a sense of belonging. Abused women do porn, blacks become Republicans. Neither will ever really be accepted.

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 9:32 pm

I'm not necessarily sure I would agree about "the blax." I think the Black community tends to be more conservative than the white community, on a lot of different issues. The difference is that most Blacks won't *vote* Republican. Although a lot of Black people will be happy to give you an earful that sounds remarkably like older white conservatives (with the sole exception of hatin' on teh culludz, of course).

Rotundo_ August 18, 2011 at 5:57 am

Isn't most of that conservatism in the social realm as opposed to the libertarian crap that the money wing of the republican party worships? I'm thinking that a lot of social conservative beliefs are more inspired by religious teachings. Hispanic folk have a similar social conservatism. But when push comes to shove in the economic world, they know what justice is and is not. That is one thing that white social conservatives have apparently lost over time: they're so blinded they can't see that they're voting to shaft themselves

horsedreamer_1 August 18, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Yup. Because even poor &/or "poor" whites have just enough to think they're keeping up with the CPA & MBA types with a boat, four bedroom/three bath house, to think not that they'll need, maybe, certain social justice remedies.

Blacks & Latinos have always done abysmally enough, per capita, to know what's what.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Excellent point. Poor black folks (and all black folks know that for most of them poverty is just a generation or a job away) and poor Latinos know quite well that they're being exploited by TPTB. Socially, they might be very conservative, but economically, most of them have a serious dedication to social justice issues.

As for poor/working class white folk, some fine Wonketteer pointed out that the general mindset appears to be, "Well, I may be poor, unemployed, and have shit on a plate for the foreseeable future, but at least I ain't (insert derogatory term for ethnic groups of browner persuasion here)." They're happy to vote for anything that will keep "those goddamn n****** and spics offa MY welfare tax dollars," even if it means they lose their hoverounds – wait, wut?

Negropolis August 17, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Bingo. It's really rather sad.

Callyson August 17, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Also, I know you Floridians are busy making robocalls to Rick Scott, thanks to pinksliprick.com, but can someone set up a way to barrage West will calls as well?
Or, just bust his nuts?

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 9:34 pm

I'd opt for the latter. They're equally shameless hucksters, but Allen will be more satisfying to beat the shit out of. Rick is just gonna curl up in a ball and cry, and where's the fun in that?

Guppy06 August 17, 2011 at 9:00 pm

I think I've sen pictures on the internet of nuts being "channeled."

I don't drink nearly enough.

mayor_quimby August 17, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Please don't make me google that shit. Please, seriously.

Warpde August 17, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Now, just maybe, if he written back
"AH! Ball Sacks"
He would have sounded more "anatomicly edumacated"

ManchuCandidate August 17, 2011 at 9:08 pm

CAIR should consider themselves grateful he didn't write Malmedy.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 17, 2011 at 9:10 pm

I'm surprised he didn't send them a ham sandwich.

Sharkey August 17, 2011 at 9:12 pm


JustPixelz August 17, 2011 at 9:13 pm

In Allen West's mind, his Muslim fellow American citizens are the German Army that is surrounding him. Maybe his time in Iraq, actually surrounded by Muslims who were not greeting him as a liberator, altered his perception of reality: Muslims are Germans, Americans are Germans, "Nuts" is discourse.

OT True Fact: During WWII, the Palestinians supported the Nazis because the Nazis were fighting the British who controlled Palestine after the Ottoman Empire collapsed after WWI. (See "Lawrence of Arabia".) Anyway, Germany supported Jewish immigration to Palestine. "Jews anywhere else or dead," was the official policy. So some Palestinian leaders of the time supported Jewish immigration too. Until Germany lost.

Limeylizzie August 17, 2011 at 10:17 pm

There was also a totally awesome Jewish Brigade set up by the British and made up of British Jews and Palestinian Jews that went into Italy and kicked serious ass.

starfanglednut August 17, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Bagger conversation:

1st bagger: "NUTS!"

2nd bagger: "T"

Chet Kincaid August 17, 2011 at 9:18 pm

This dipshit does not even know how to deploy a colorful expression properly. Cook County Commissioner and former Chicago alderman William Beavers is very proud of constantly blurting out "I'm the hog with the big nuts!" as a show of political virility.

ShaveTheWhales August 17, 2011 at 10:17 pm

William Beavers? Seriously? No wonder he acts out.

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 9:22 pm

If that's the Miami New Times' explanation, it's piss-weak. I very much doubt that schlimazel has ever read military history, unless it's military historical *fiction.* I do believe he will lose his seat, though. He's coming unhinged in public, and I don't think the American electorate cares for that.

Doktor Zoom August 17, 2011 at 9:50 pm

He probably rented "Band of Brothers" at some point.

PristinePantalones August 17, 2011 at 10:07 pm

And fapped all the way through it.

BerkeleyBear August 17, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Or "The Battle of the Bulge". Piggy backed with "The Longest Day", and to get his anger up "Tora!Tora!Tora!"

In fact, CAIR should probably just be glad he didn't channel his inner Tojo and had his criminal biker buddies buzz bomb their offices.

ShaveTheWhales August 17, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Nah, he was an ossifer, right? That's one of the standard officer-training anecdotes, like Patton shooting at the Messerschmitt with his pearl-handled revolver.

Impossible to avoid.

That said:

1. Assuming this is the meaning makes West look even more wackadoodle than if he were just babbling. Who the fuck is he surrounded by, except idiot voters?

2. Neilist, if you're out there, no, I'm not sure it was an Me, but I'm not gonna look it up, okay?

Poindexter718 August 18, 2011 at 8:34 am

Does Tom Clancy count?

Blendergoathead August 17, 2011 at 9:24 pm

I'd add this little story to the arsenal of examples of utterly stupid behaviors exhibited by teatards that I use on my… *cough* old, white moronic family members at functions where I'm compelled to interact with them (once or twice a year, thank the dark lordz), but this ain't shit compared to the Bachmann/Elvis fuckup. Now that's a keeper.

p.s. Fuck Allen West.

Rotundo_ August 18, 2011 at 6:05 am

So much for Michele burnishing her redneck credentials. That one is gonna cost her big with the bubbas (myself included) who are fans of the peanut butter and 'nanna sammich fueled singer. If you can't keep his birthday and when he died straight, you're not a fan, don't pander to them, they don't take kindly to it.

Arken August 17, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Joke's on him. Nuts are halal.

MLHencken August 17, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Allen West is the black version of Frank Burns in Congress.

SudsMcKenzie August 17, 2011 at 9:27 pm

mmm, strangely, … I've been thinking about my nutz all day. GO ALLEN

Crank_Tango August 17, 2011 at 9:27 pm

also, we surround THEM! too soon?

petehammer August 17, 2011 at 9:28 pm

SImple, and shorter reply, CAIR could send back:


__kth__ August 17, 2011 at 10:10 pm

"sorry you don't have any, Rep. West, no you can't have mine"

donner_froh August 17, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Steadfast and Loyal–two more words that West doesn't know the meaning of.

Crank_Tango August 17, 2011 at 9:33 pm

I forget, was this dude Kid or Play?

emmelemm August 17, 2011 at 10:01 pm

80s rap libel! Both Kid AND Play have more sense than that.

mayor_quimby August 17, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Play the darker lower haired one.

DashboardBuddha August 17, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I may have bought myself a bit of trouble, but GODDAMN this pissed me off. Here's the letter, with my actual name and email that I just posted to his site. Foreward your postcards to Gitmo. :-(

""I have read your response to CAIR and let me say this; you are a racist piece of dung. I have known men of honor who served at the Battle of Bastogne and I must say you are no man of honor. I know you are just trying to be cute and get your "base" worked up with your faux patriot chicken crap, but in the end your are a bully and a grandstander. Aren't there Iraqi civilians you could be beating up? I don't ofen give to political campaigns, but rest assured that whoever your opponent I will certainly be giving support to him/her and not you. You sir aren't fit to be a Walmart greeter…and even that is an insult to those people who actually WORK at their jobs. You are a disgrace.

ShaveTheWhales August 17, 2011 at 10:31 pm

I'd say "But how do you really feel?", but I think I've already got the general idea.

He is a big ol' pieceashit, isn't he?

keepem_sikanpor August 17, 2011 at 10:44 pm

My grandfather was at Malmedy and I know how you feel. He was a doctor and is actually still alive today. When president bachman's henchmen catch up with me, I hope we are cellmates at Gitmo…

DashboardBuddha August 18, 2011 at 11:17 am

Damn…that's pretty heavy. What a bad place to be. My ex-father-in-law was right in Bastogne. If you ever watched Band of Brothers, there's a scene where a US Army AA gun is blasting away at German bombers. That was basically what he did.

BerkeleyBear August 17, 2011 at 11:55 pm

My gramps died in WWII (fighting for Latvia, which oddly meant the Nazis were the good guys – go figure) and I've always had a deep respect for veterans of any war. But West is a walking talking reminder that putting on a uniform doesn't make you a better person. And that a lot of assholes put the uniform on for all the wrong reasons, and never get better.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 3:13 am

Ah. Thanks.

fuflans August 18, 2011 at 12:19 am

ahh dashboard, your eloquence has roused neiist much like the kraken.

arihaya August 17, 2011 at 9:50 pm

this is NOT what LBJ wanted when he signed Civil Right Acts

Chet Kincaid August 18, 2011 at 12:19 am

You don't give rights only to "the good ones." Us coloreds are people, no more, no less.

Ruhe August 18, 2011 at 11:05 am

What LBJ wanted was a good pair of pants that had a bit more room in the taint. The Civil Rights Act was a side project.

Doktor Zoom August 17, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Only in a teabagger's mind could a request to please not be a bigoted douchebag be equated with a demand to surrender.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 18, 2011 at 7:18 am

That, sir, is the best observation of the day. (Bows.)

Troglodeity August 18, 2011 at 3:19 pm

What Biel_ze_Bubba said.

poncho_pilot August 17, 2011 at 9:59 pm

maybe he just bought a Shamwow and is expressing his deep admiration.

Crank_Tango August 17, 2011 at 10:18 pm

or the slap chop—"yer gonna love my NUTS," sincerely Allen West.

imissopus August 17, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Steadfast and Loyal and Dumber Than Dogshit,

Alan B. West

johnnyzhivago August 17, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Plaster this idiot's truck with COEXIST bumper stickers!

BZ1 August 17, 2011 at 10:21 pm

I believe he was referring to himself….

glamourdammerung August 17, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Needs more crying about how everyone picks on teabaggers because they are bigots.

Negropolis August 17, 2011 at 10:44 pm

He should have done what most politicians do in concerns to constituent concerns: ignore them. lol

What a wanker. Forget about banning TruckNutz, I think we need to ban CongressNutz.

Lucidamente1 August 17, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Back in the day, there was a Senator Bilbo of Mississippi, who used to begin letters to Jews with "Dear Kike." I'm sure he'd be proud.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 3:15 am

You are so, I hope, fucking kidding me.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 18, 2011 at 7:26 am

Read it and weep: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodore_G._Bilbo

The wonder is not that such dicks exist, but that they can get elected, and re-elected. If West is representing a majority moron district, like Bilbo there may be no getting rid of him.

hilbillyheroine August 17, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Is it just me, or is wonkette getting really lazy with the stories? Let's be honest. There are SO MANY other good stories out there.

vodkamuppet August 17, 2011 at 11:24 pm

So this fucking dipshit thinks he's A.C. Macaulliffe holding off the Germans at Bastogne because he's a fucking bigot, a black bigot, fending off imaginary sharia law because the battle of the bulge and the hatred of Muslims everywhere are exactly the same thing. I fucking hate this country.

Maman August 17, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Nuts v. Steadfast and Loyal – that is a paradox if ever I heard one.

fuflans August 18, 2011 at 12:27 am

oh and great. now we get a day (tomorrow) of feverish coverish of christine o'donnell walking off a set like she hadn't planned that from the very beginning.

fuck me.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 3:16 am

If you insist, love.

bflrtsplk August 18, 2011 at 1:26 am

Nuts? Mine been itchin' all day. Thanks for askin', there, Congressman.

not that Dewey August 18, 2011 at 2:23 am

Hon. Rep. West:

You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!

Staid, fast, and loyal,


PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 3:17 am

Oh, so many upfists, ntD!

benjo765 August 18, 2011 at 4:58 am

I thought the *whole point* of representative democracy was that people like this guy don't have to take decisions?

Boojum_Reborn August 18, 2011 at 5:25 am

I believe this was a one word poem, a paean of tribute, an homage to the mentally challenged and psychologically disabled who elected this man to Congress. Steadfast in his paranoia, loyal to those whose IQ can be calculated without removing one's shoes, Congressman West shouts his self-affirmation to the Heavens. "Nuts!" he cries, the sound of looney, lonely stupidity echoing helplessly off the inner walls of the cavern of his skull. "Nuts!" he shrieks to the hordes of Rascal riding retards, challenging them to follow him to the bottom of the idiocracy that is Tea. "Nuts!" one final time, as he slumps, sobbing, to the floor, dimly aware that his elevator will never, quite, reach the top.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 1:05 pm

That was pure poetry. Thank you.

widget2011 August 18, 2011 at 5:26 am

In this day and age, I think he meant to say TRUKNUTZ. He must be reading too much World Net Daily, or in particular, too much of Chuck Norris's fake, quasi-ghostwriter. He must be too dumb to realize that most teatards would tar and feather him anyway.

lochnessmonster August 18, 2011 at 6:36 am

First time I ever saw the closing "Steadfast and Loyal". Guess there is a first time for everything.

DashboardBuddha August 18, 2011 at 7:51 am

Apologies, folks. i took another look at the copy of the letter to the Pest in the West and I thought, "Jeez, Dash…bombast much?" While I'm glad I sent the letter to PitW, I can think of no good reason to re-post it here.

Fat, drunk and angry is no way to go through life, son.

BlueStateLibel August 18, 2011 at 8:17 am

No, your letter was great. And who says drunk is no way to go through life?

DashboardBuddha August 18, 2011 at 11:19 am

Thanks all…I have this thing where my impulse control goes right out the window sometimes. I'm glad that it seems like I use my powers for good.

Ducksworthy August 18, 2011 at 9:43 am

West was begging to be TeaBagged.

AJWjr. August 18, 2011 at 10:09 am

Can't we just waterboard take him swimming in some warm body of water, like, say, the St. John's River?

Ruhe August 18, 2011 at 11:03 am

Channeling his nuts?! No. He's channeling Harriet Tubman who famously responded to a bus driver's demand that she move to the back by saying "Nuts"! I know it's true cause I saw it on a PBS show. And now the congressman is possessed by the spirit of this feisty transit rider.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 1:08 pm

He just said so himself to the Lamestream Meeejyuh.

horsedreamer_1 August 18, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Imagine a GOP 2012 ticket of Bachmann-West. Or, as Sarah Palin would call it, Sambo meets the Bitch.

102415 August 18, 2011 at 1:25 pm

She has a way with words.

L188188 August 18, 2011 at 12:59 pm

"I am writing to you with regard your recent letter." Me Tarzan, you Jane.

PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Elderly folks on Medicare; lots of socially liberal Jews. He's toast.

He's already begging for bux in various online ads, promising all kinds of sweet, sweet teabaggery in exchange for your dimes.

102415 August 18, 2011 at 1:20 pm

The kind of toast you scrape with a butter knife but end up throwing away so it can get on the TEEVEE's for *writing* a book.

ndisang67 August 18, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Betting on when West will sue his parents for being black…

ttommyunger August 18, 2011 at 4:48 pm

This dumb cunt made it to Light Colonel and got fucking Cashiered out of the Army, fer Chrissakes! He wouldn't make a pimple on the lowest Private's ass who served at Bastogne. Florida, Kentucky, Georgia, Virginia and Texas: Dumbest voters in the Country.

102415 August 18, 2011 at 6:52 pm


I know this is kind of over but this needs to be here.

Negropolis August 18, 2011 at 10:46 pm

I'm guessing your friend was from the North or maybe even from Scotland. lol

AJWjr. August 18, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Come to think of it, he did sound like Billy Connoly.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi August 19, 2011 at 1:22 pm

how original
what a man
how clever

fantum August 19, 2011 at 2:20 pm


DemocRAT loons are squawking and flapping around in outrage, gnashing teeth, spitting blood, heads exploding, charges, accusations, finger-pointing, Bush did it, Boehner did it, Palin did it, Fox did it, racists, tea-baggers, stupid voters, hungry babies, dying old folks, and on and on ad nauseam…

DemocRATS controlled Congress and had their way for 6 years, HANDING OUT TREATS to gain worthless Obama voters at taxpayer expense. Now, while most DemocRATS are throwing a tantrum, at least some are realizing the Liver Lip Liar is selling ALL Americans down the river.

Abandon our allies, support our enemies, ignore our security, degrade our military, increase racial tensions, weaken our economy, encourage the invasion from Mexico and place huge, unsustainable debit on American taxpayers. Every day he is in office, Obama degrades America further!

How pathetic it is to watch Obama, the arrogant, self-centered, little wart twist, turn, lie and blame everyone but himself for his failure as he continues to stir the pot. NOT pathetic for Obama but for the American fools who elected him. Obama laughs at them while they still swoon over his every lie, marching lockstep on their way to servitude and Socialism.

How Can an American President Be so Anti-American? http://usataxpayer.org/vids.asp?A=42112207


PristinePantalones August 18, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Not white enough? Batshit insane? Which?

BerkeleyBear August 19, 2011 at 5:25 pm

The joke ends, n****r lover.

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