For as much as we sanction the idea of keeping a sturdy supply of booze on hand near the office, we’re going to note that the Ohio legislature’s proposal to open a bar in the Statehouse basement is probably tantamount to entrapment given the number of Ohio representatives who heart drinking and driving all over the state highways. Anyway, weren’t there some other things going on in Ohio? Maybe, like, a “union” thing, or some “unemployment” bullshit, once upon a time? No, there were not, thanks for asking, and they’ve got it covered: somebody has to bartend. Job creationism!
Surprisingly, no one is actually debating, “why are we even debating this.” As usual, it is mostly “will the children have to watch?”
From the AP:
State officials are debating a proposal to establish what would apparently be the nation’s first statehouse bar — a venue where lawmakers and even members of the public could tip a few back after hours if they reserve the space.
Opponents say it would be inappropriate to open a bar in a government building frequented by schoolchildren, while others note that alcohol already flows freely at Statehouse events.
“My point of view is Prohibition ended in the 1930s, so what’s the big deal?” said Sen. Bill Seitz, a Cincinnati Republican. “We’re not talking about putting George Jones and Willie Nelson on the jukebox and having people spending all their waking hours in the Capitol Cafe, drowning their sorrows. But the idea that there’s alcohol in the Statehouse should be completely unsurprising to anyone.”
Haha, what the hell did Willie Nelson ever do to Ohio? [AP]
{ 115 comments }
They'll have it dedicated to John Boehner. Orange leather stools. Also.
Happy Hour will feature his namesake cocktail:
Bloated Bag of Monkey Spunk
I thought it was the Burnt Orange Koch Sucker.
The Slippery Santorum – gulp 'em down!
I'll bet David Vitter could find a use for those orange leather stools.
will it also be a Mexican restaurant, then? only if there are yellow tabletops.
So, you're proposing we skin John boehner alive and use said skin to line something scores of people will put their asses on?
I like the way you think!
Just another sign of how Republicans can make government more efficient. In the old days, you had to take your staff/interns back to your home or your office to get them drunk before molesting them. Now you can do it while they work.
OTOH I find myself actually agreeing with Seitz, these are adults who no doubt need a few belts to keep listenting to each other.
This way the lobbyists will always know where the find them.
Here in Texas, the lobbyists just go right to the legislative floor and hand out checks. No fuss, no muss!
On the other hand, sweet, sweet alcohol!
"Alcohol: helping Republicans get laid since 1854."
I'lll drink to that!
"We’re not talking about putting George Jones and Willie Nelson on the jukebox…"
Why the hell not? If you're going to drink, do it with style.
So, country music is the big problem with alcoholic politicians, not the actual drinking/driving?
My thoughts exactly. His statement better have been immediately followed by, "Mr Speaker, I move to open debate on my amendment to the bill, to-wit: putting George Jones and Willie Nelson on the jukebox."
Sort of gives new meaning to lawmakers who "couldn't pass the bar".
the idea that there’s alcohol in the Statehouse should be completely unsurprising to anyone
Trust us, we're not surprised…just concerned that far too many of you Reeps seem to be mean drunks…
Bar in the basement? I'm pretty sure that's Republican speak for "tool in the box." If you know what I mean.
Amirite??
Fucking up in Ohio today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from not creating jobs, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where taxpayers pays your tab,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can hide,
Right wingers are all the same
You wanna be where the taxpayers pay
Your tab.
You wanna go where you can hide,
Right Wingers are all the same,
You wanna go where the taxpayer pays
your tab.
NORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This summer I hear the drummin' / DUIs in O-Hi-O….
what's high in the statehouse and always does little? G-O-P.
If those gays are pulling in $100,000 for waiting on tables, just think what a manly bartender could make at the Ohio statehouse.
Almost as much as the majority leader, and without getting as many hairs stuck between his teeth.
I guess I have to support any legislation that keeps legislators sequestered from humans.
Ohio, the new drink driving capital of the Midwest, would probably have a drive thru window for mixed drinks and open containers of beer. Very efficient–get the drunken legislators on the road more quickly.
It makes sense. The Columbus spirits scene already boasts the Cultural Hub of the Midwest.
Any other Columbus Wonketteers thirsty for a pint?
Just what democracy needs: A republican themed fern bar in the basement of a capitol. Call it "The Drunk Trunk" or maybe "Committees" and have a bunch of skinny blond boys in lederhosen serving beer in troughs to the peoples representatives in government and lobbiests at cost or lower to them. The bar owners surrounding the capital are going to love the hell out of them for this stunt, to say nothing of anyone with any smidgen of respect left for government. Hell, maybe that's the intention, maybe if they want to kill government, they should put brothels full of children under each state capitol with free drugs and booze for the reps and their owners to enjoy. Orgy on the Lincoln monument maybe?
"“We’re not talking about putting George Jones and Willie Nelson on the jukebox and having people spending all their waking hours in the Capitol Cafe, drowning their sorrows."
The implication that people would actively engage in this behavior tells you everything you need to know about what it's like to live in Columbus.
Woo Hoo!
More drinkin' in my neighborhood.
~
Oh god, another Columbusite? Hot damn! If these repubbies really wanna get their slant on, they should hoof it over to Carabar and get some PBR.
to be fair, their legislation couldn't get any worse if they were drunk.
Speaking of the Ohio union issue, TPM has a story about how the referendum to repeal the union-busting bill is polling so well (the public favors repeal by somewhere around 20 points) that Kasich yesterday tried to offer a deal on a compromise if the referendum organizers will withdraw it. Since the deal was nowhere near as good as actual repeal would be, they told him to slurp shit and die. Get on with your bad selves, Ohio.
YEE HAW! I hope they are wildly successful.
In Columbus, our Koch-like newspaper has been desperately pushing the "compromise" meme. Watching everyone tell them to "slurp shit and die" is SO GOOD. In lieu of having a real government, we'll have to settle for these cheap thrills.
So, like, how old are you and are you a Columbus lifer? Because I grew up there, and while I'm too young for the era, the older folks in my family basically make it sound like Columbus politics in the '70s and '80s were quintessential Chamber of Commerce meets smoke-filled rooms.
The Wolfe family, owners of WBNS and The Dispatch, were a big part of that. The Dispatch has gotten a little less nutty over the years, but they've still got a hard-on for authoritarian Republicanism.
I know some folks who work for the Dispatch and are good professionals, but the Wolfes still see themselves as Columbus royalty and pull the strings on the editorial board. I got here in '98. I know some lifers who still have a innate distrust of Council and the Mayor's office. City Hall has basically been ceded to the Dems, who do an okay job, but they have their favorites and donors.
Randy Travis on the jukebox, now we're talkin'…
Smells like canteen spirit.
Do you know who else gathers in basements?
HITLER!!!
~
Libertarians?
Rats!
The Detroit Lions?
Are you putsching me on?
Skoalrebel?
C.H.U.D.s, when they're stepping out?
Catholics in Elizabethan England?
Jonah Goldberg?
On the one hand "all the voters must tighten their belts" on the other hand, "booze!!!".
They meant seat belts, what with all those drunk legislators terrorizing other drivers.
“My point of view is Prohibition ended in the 1930s, so what’s the big deal?” said Sen. Bill Seitz, a Cincinnati Republican.
My point of view is Cincinnati should not be allowed to have elections.
Exhibit A
~
Jean Schmidt is an insane Nazi but I still miss Buzz Lukens and the Simon Leis/Larry Flynt show. Also, I agree. Too.
Hey, the worst thing that could happen is drunken voting. How much worse than sober voting could that be?
None. None more worse.
How could we know? There'd actually have to be some sober voting in Ohio for us to tell.
Back in the day, bars weren't allowed to open until the polls closed. Come to think of it, we didn't seem to elect as many assholes and wingnuts back then…
Ohio Republicans, confronted with a choice between sobriety and facing an angry constituency at the state's bars and liquor stores, cleverly jump between the horns of the dilemma.
Think of all the bodies of hookers that will be uncovered once they start renovating.
Think of the even higher number of bodies of hookers that will be uncovered after they finish renovating.
Lt. Archie Hickox and Bridget von Hammersmark?
These are probably the same shitheads who probably love to pass laws forbidding alcohol be sold after 7 pm, on Sundays, or in convenience stores..making it as tough as possible for the average person to have a few, "because morality." You people in Ohio, they're laughing at you with this.
They just want to ban abortions around here.
There are stores (which I refer to as the "Beer and Go") where you drive in and pay, the employees load your vehicle with your beverages, and off you go.
~
Strange, in my blue-state corner of the world, it's just the opposite: drive-through abortions, but damn if you can get a six-pack after nightfall.
BSL: Too late. Ohio has "State Stores" – hard liquor is only sold in retail establishments owned and operated by the State. Their unofficial slogan "We never have a sale. Ever."
I'm guessing that the guys supplying the hookers/rentboys and meth (lets call them lobbyists) did not want to lower themselves to the point of purveying beer.
I fully support this proposal.
Let them drink to death, or make them drive while on booze to crash themselves into tree
Wow. There is a good use of public money. Repugs at work again!
I'm leaving America's Dinghus™, moving to Ohio, and running for the State Senate.
Won't the bar owners across the street complain?
It's a lesbian dive bar. So no.
So they would be in the bar, drinking. As opposed to being in the legislature, passing laws and screwing things up. So what's the problem?
They could just go all Sterling-Cooper and put bars in every sngle fucking office, but yeah…jobs.
i'm not sure beer goggles will work in this case.
Ain't none of these legislators ever crashed a frat party at The Ohio State University? a punch bowl with vodka, gin, Carling and JD might just shake Kasich up enough to consider building a domed stadium in Columbus, which is just what this sorry economy needs, if you ask P.J. O'Rourke.
Think of the great cover it would give them all at re-election time when confronted with their voting record: "I was drunk when I wrote/voted for that bill."
Done, and done.
I serve on a board for a youth sports organization. Parents thought it would be a good idea to serve beer during games to raise money.
Then they argued over which beer to serve,
This is the same thing and will never end well.
Cripes
A bar in the basement. Ha ha ha right next to the valium and xanax vending machine for the spouses.
OT but i hear rickie's attempting to rival shelley's record for "number of consecutive days in a row saying something stupid or just plain wrong"
and yes, i know denying climate change will play to the base who prefers rain god prayers, but i personally, wouldn't want to piss off science.
So the Capitol Police have the real police on speed-dial, right?
And the real police have quotas to meet. They'll just park outside, like they do at regular bars, right?
Right?
No page's rectum will ever be safe again.
WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN'S ANUSES??
Congress critters spend plenty of time thinking of children's anuses.
(too much?)
Beat me to it by about 20 seconds. Now I'm trying to figure out if I have to hate you.
Please don't hate me. I'm very fragile. If we Wonkateers can't love one another, who will love us?
Awww, I love you. All wonketeers loved unconditionally, drunkeness and butt sex notwithstanding.
Ok I won't hate you. Anyway your jumping pig is cool.
It means they won't have to walk as far to start a beer hall putsch.
Ironic that Kasicko is (supposedly) from the Columbus suburb of Westerville, which was dry up until 2006, primarily because it was the home of the Anti Saloon League temperance group back in the 1900s. Them Temperance ladies mailed so many pamphlets from their HQ that the little town was given its own first class mail post office to handle the traffic. Little old ladies blew up saloons with gunpowder in the 1900s there. Kasich lived there for god knows how long. Now he doesn't have to drive to the next town to drink, oh boy! I bet he's got a whole buncha drinkin' just saved up to do!
Blowing up buildings? Sounds kinda terroristy to me.
Since this is Ohio – will they serve "up" beer or only "down?"
they will try to insert the pole dancing amendment in the dark of night
I can't believe these bastards spoke badly of Willie Nelson. Willie likes smoking ganga, chasing pretty women, and has the best drinking song ever coined by a country & western crooner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru40GiejGDg
Sons of bitches. Don't they realize Willie was the very first person recorded for Austin City Limits, the longest running tee-vee show on PBS.
And I thank my lucky stars that I no longer reside in round-on-the-end-and-hi-in-the-middle. Worst four years of my life, plus the 15 months I carried that house after I moved, and it's only gotten shittier since then. Go pickle yourselves, asshat legislators, and try not to kill anybody else in the process.
Why waste time going to a bar that doesn't have Willy and Possum on the jukebox when a lobbyist will gladly furnish all the booze and weed you want, plus an underage hooker of your sexual preference, in a luxury hotel suite.
How can I invest is this amazing new business model?
Will the legislature, in its infinite wisdom, exempt itself from Ohio liquor laws? Imagine being open 24/7, so you'll never have to hear "last call" at the Statehouse Bar and Grill. Serving underage pages (but only at a special table), those teenagers could be a lot of fun with a little liquor in them.
And low low subsidised prices, like in Britain?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10388683
"We’re not talking about putting George Jones and Willie Nelson on the jukebox…"
Well, no! That would be irresponsible.
'Cause Mr. Jones and Mr. Nelson make the panties drop.
We would try that in WI, but there's already like 16 bars within a quarter mile.
maybe we need some sort of a petition.
Like my grandfather always said, in Wisconsin, when two roads intersect, they celebrate by putting up a bar.
And roadside crosses, I'm sure.
yup, alcohol-fueled legislators sounds like a good idea…
"Haha, what the hell did Willie Nelson ever do to Ohio?"
Probably from when he stated " Damn! there ain't no good Kush here. I'm heading back to B.C."
Great, just what we need. Ohio legislators drunk before they leave the state house. Stay klassy, Ohio.
How yo kids, hide yo wimmenz, hide yo husbands, 'cause they be hittin' 'erybody out here.
Will this bar have a sex room? I was told there would be a sex room. Also, beer nutz.
Who the hell am I kidding; the basement's probably already the capitol sex room.
In Philly they created a courthouse in the basement of the Vet for obnoxious drunkards, so why not the other way around?
The very mention of Willie Nelson raises the issue of which mood altering substance state legislators everywhere should be consuming if they wish to be encouraged to pass inspired legislation.
WTF is wrong with George Jones and Willie Nelson? Make it an opium den and play only live Grateful Dead interspersed with Jefferson Airplane.
state provided liquor = socialism
Instead of George Jones and Willie Nelson, they'll dig up the corpse of Ghoulardi to spin the tunes for them.
I thought Columbus was the roughest, but I guess I said the same about them all
"We’re not talking about putting George Jones and Willie Nelson on the jukebox…" Lee Greenwood, Toby Keith and Ted Nugent, fer sure, but not those other two, that would be Un-American.
Too many rats in this Ratskeller…
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