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SHEESH THIS INSANE WOMAN: Here is Michele Bachmann urinating all over the corpse of Elvis Presley by wishing him a happy birthday on the anniversary of his death. Haha, pill-head humor! Or maybe it is one of those creepy Christian things, where death = zombie rebirth. OR WE COULD SPEND ETERNITY trying like tortured humanities graduate students to get to the bottom of this “semi-serious political candidate” woman’s complete failure to utter a single true, factual thing ever, at any time in her life, and we would die sad and empty-handed, like Elvis. Secret meaning?

Oh whatever, here is something from some AP reporter who was forced to report this as actual political news:

The congresswoman from Minnesota played the Elvis tune “Promised Land” at a local restaurant and told the crowd of 300 that she wanted to say happy birthday to the king of rock ‘n’ roll.

“Before we get started, let’s all say happy birthday to Elvis Presley today!” Bachmann said.

But Aug. 16 is the anniversary of Elvis’ death, in 1977, and someone in the crowd shouted back, “He died today!”

Bachmann didn’t respond and launched into her speech.

And that is that. [AP/Youtube]

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  • Come here a minute

    One wonders how she'll celebrate Osama bin Laden's birthday next month.

    Lots of history can be misremembered and misinterpreted after ten long years.

  • arihaya

    Elvis is not dead. He just went home.

    He's just returning to his home planet. Ask MIB if you don't believe me!

    • PristinePantalones

      So it's not true that he's living in a rest home somewhere in 'Murka, in disguise?

  • I'm shocked she didn't say Elvis freed the slaves.

    • noodlesalad

      Naw, he just stole their music, which was his anyways, because of the 10th amendment.

      • El Pinche

        oh my elvez…that was funny.

    • MildMidwesterner

      Well according to Bachmann's pledge, Elvis would have been better off under slavery.

    • proudgrampa

      Hell, I'm surprised she didn't say that Elvis was another one of the Founding Fathers.

    • PristinePantalones

      You had to say that, din'tchu? She's going to repeat it in a week or less, and then my head will be all explodey-thingy, and I hope you're satisfied then, wok3. I really do.

  • neiltheblaze

    Well, see he was re-born by dying and going to heaven to sing "Jailhouse Rock" to the baby Jeebus.

    • poncho_pilot

      "you may be 'the King' but i'm the King of Kings, mother fucker. sing for your supper you sloppy old fat junkie hillbilly." –Jesus

    • Callyson

      And now he can come back to earth and sing "Hound Dog" to Michele Bachmann.

      • Gleem_McShineys

        "Oops, I kinda mixed that up as 'corn dog, FOR Michele Bachman'…! Sorry, Mr. Presley! I'll do you a solid next time, bud!"
        –Dyslexic ADHD Jesus

      • PristinePantalones

        Yeah, 'cause everyone else (with a brain and working ears) prefers Big Mama's version anyway.

    • comrad_darkness

      You mean to spill droplets of sweat on the baby Jesus.

      • neiltheblaze

        That's later in the set when he does "Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love".

  • One can only hope that Michele is blessed to meet her Maker in a similar fashion: on the toilet, brimming with "migraine medications," and sporting a 40-pound colon.

  • Bach is whack

  • SorosBot

    I'd like to return Michele to sender.

    • Come here a minute

      She's the Devil in [a not very good] Disguise.

      • James Michael Curley

        Devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress,
        Devil with the blue dress on …
        Rinse and repeat.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Jeez…. for starters, blue is NOT my color, OK?

      • SorosBot

        Her and her followers, being paranoid, have very Suspicious Minds.

    • __kth__

      One of the Bachmanns is "just a hunk-a hunk-a burnin' love", but it's not Michele.

    • Troglodeity

      "Treat me like a fool …" In Michele's case, deservedly so.

  • baconzgood

    I'm not one to defend Chisel Face Shelly but, honestly, I always get Elvis and Ed Olczyk confused.
    http://www.hockeydb.com/ihdb/stats/pdisplay.php?p

    • Mahousu

      Why are his statistics on the U.S. Olympic Team "unavailable"? I smell conspiracy!

      • baconzgood

        It's the New World Order/UN that's keeping EdZo's statistics suppressed. You should see what they did to Brian Leetch!

    • Billmatic

      Damn they picked that guy third overall? Whoops.

      • baconzgood

        Before the coached the Pens he was the Color commentator on the radio for the games. What the hell was Lemieux thinking? "Hmmm he sais some pretty insightfull things when Mike Lang isn't talking….Let's make him the coach"

        • Billmatic

          Isn't that why the Lions hired Matt Millen? I mean that was a brilliant strike of genius! How could hiring a broadcaster go wrong?

    • GOPCrusher

      You mean Elvis doesn't do color commentary with Doc Emrick?

  • Elvis was just a Palin with talent, which is more than can be said for Bachmann.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "He died today!"

    And if he hadn't, he would have.

  • DemonicRage

    Rachel Maddow outlined last night how the Iowa "Straw Poll" means absolutely nothing. You pay to vote, and Bachmann paid for 3,000 of her supporters to vote for her. (Her total score was something over 4,000, so basically she "got" one and a half thousand votes. We should not be taking her seriously. (Will her husband continue to 'turn' Gays straight when she is in The White House?)

    • Correction: she paid for 6000. She won 80% of the voters she paid to vote for her.

    • Can we get a similar assessment on the Tea Party? How we can start ignoring them because they're basically paid pawns w/ the more vocal ones amplified in our collective conscious by the magnifying glass that is the frenzy-feeding media?

      • fuflans

        what you said.

        though i think it's been done. and now they're all fired up b/c they played a brinksmanship terrorist game (HA! i said it) with the global economy and won.

    • Marcus will be setting up shop in the Lincoln Bedroom. Turning something will be part of it.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Michele is frugal and a helluva lot more crafty compared to Sarah Palin.

        As a first term Governor, Sarah had to pay a whole lot more for her 80% approval rating to get the RNC's attention. She took $750 million from her windfall profit of taxing oil company earnings instead of a flat rate – and used it as a supplement of $1,200 in the form of an 'energy rebate' to an already $2,000 annual dividend to every man, woman and child who bothered to fill out the form.
        http://articles.latimes.com/2008/sep/05/nation/na

    • fuflans

      well except for the additional 4021 media representatives who will make sure she stays in the spotlight until they get sick of her screw ups and rick perry proves too sparkly to resist.

      • PristinePantalones

        In 3 … 2 …

    • Buckminster

      I'm betting Marcus B. will be turning tricks, not turning gays. Can you say "rent boy?"

      • I'm still trying to forget the corn dog sucking incident, what else is going on? Elvis? Did Marcus want Elvis?

    • GOPCrusher

      And now the Paultards are all butt hurt that they are not getting more credit for coming in a very close second place in a poll that is completely meaningless.

  • Elvis wandered around in a pill fueled haze and liked to pull out a gun and shoot at perceived enemies like TeeVees and Toasters. His body guards liked to fuck people up…just like Bachman.

    • baconzgood

      Once his Caddie wouldn't start. He pulled out a .45 and shot it, got in and it started. You can't argue with results.

    • V572 T-Blow

      Elvis' favorite snack treat was pickles coated in peanut butter, breaded and deep-fat fried. To address the inevitable weight gain, Elvis would periodically take the "Sleeping Beauty Cure," in which the "patient" is put into a drug-induced coma for a week or so, while his body chemistry and blood content are manipulated to cause rapid weight loss. This is why The King embodied the hopes and fears of so many ordinary Americans.

  • noodlesalad

    Elvis' final offering to the porcelain god was probably not half as disgusting as the Bachmann campaign.

  • My happy side loves to enjoy Michele's stupidity, but my paranoid side wonders if this isn't an ingenious Frank Lunz-style ploy that has been rigorously tested in focus groups with Real Americans, who react to gaffes like this with "Hell, I make that kind of mistake all the time. It just shows she's human, like us."

    I feel it is my duty as a practicing psychologist to point out once again that the average IQ is 100. And that half the populace is below THAT.

    • AutomaticPilot

      I always love it when politicians say, "The American people are smart…" NO, THEY ARE NOT! THEY ARE DROOLING IDIOTS WHO THINK LARRY THE CABLE GUY IS HILARIOUS!

      • SorosBot

        This is a country where the top comedy on TV is Two and a Half Men, and before that was Everybody Loves Raymond; while almost nobody watched Arrested Development, and currently 30 Rock and Community are struggling in the ratings but hang on due to good demographics and being on a struggling network. The top TV show of all is a fucking karaoke contest. Americans are morons.

        • Gorillionaire

          Also, there are now four "music channels" that just show round the clock reality shows.

        • Ducksworthy

          Life on Mars was canceled after 17 episodes.

        • In solidarity with the Common Man, I am never going to watch Arrested Development.

    • ThundercatHo

      This fact was made abundantly clear when W. was "elected" for the 2nd time. I was so depressed if I had any religion I would've lost it. Instead I lost all faith in the Merikan people.

      • PristinePantalones

        But he was not elected either time, what with the SC and hanging chads and LIEberman (I-MEEEE) and Diebold and Brooks Brothers demonstrators and whatnot. While I too enjoy beating the holy crap out of some imaginary "American people" occasionally, I'm not sure the Bush Pox can be placed squarely on the backs of our fellow lardassed beer-swilling nosepickers, my friends. At least, I don't think so.

        (poking around in search of an argument)

    • Steverino247

      Which is why you should not leave your fate to a jury of twelve of your dull-normal peers.

      • kissawookiee

        Which is why, should I ever find myself sitting at a defendant's table, I will insist that my lawyer give sample questions from the analogy portion of the SAT a starring role in the voir dire process.

        • NorthStarSpanx

          I'd have pee'd my pants as a pollster if a Real TexAmerican had told me that Governor Perry had guts to execute an innocent man. I'm equally paranoid about Michele and Rick's traction.

          But I don't think I'm alone in knowing that Obama's got 2012 in the bag? It's just going to be a huge clustermoneyfucking spending season before we sit back on our heels and exhale.

          • PristinePantalones

            I agree. There's too many things that don't add up in this media-coporocracy-peddled meme of "Disappointz in Obama is GOOD NEWS for latest Republican STAR who is loved by all." I've decided not to be so frantic about the whole thing, but to do like my Pres – work hard, keep my head down, and secretly enjoy the fuck out of my life as and when I can.

    • user-of-owls

      Ecological fallacy! Yes, half the population is <100 IQ; BUT, research has show time and again a positive linear relationship between education (as a proxy for IQ) and actual turnout.

      Hey, I'm trying here, I'm really trying…

    • poncho_pilot

      there really has to be something to this. especially after W.

    • Buckminster

      My Pa always said, "You'll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public."

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      What about the other half?

    • GOPCrusher

      I find that hard to believe, since the average Republiklan voter owns the black velvet Elvis oil painting and have memorized every aspect of his life.

  • baconzgood

    Elvis isn't dead. He's in a cover band now. I saw him about 10 years ago.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CO7FPU7a2g

    • CapeClod

      I thought he was singing for Dread Zepplin.

      • baconzgood

        One of the top 10 live shows I've ever seen

        • Do they provide brain bleach at the show???

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    oh, to be unencumbered by the thought process like Michele.

  • Speaking of, "Jailhouse Rock",
    I've always been a little weirded out by,

    "Number 47 said to number 3
    "You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see
    I sure would be delighted with your company
    Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me"

    So a guy in Jail is telling another guy in Jail that he's cute.
    Something something Marcus something.

    • tcaalaw

      It's the love that dares not speak its name….

    • CapnFatback

      Not only that, but the prisoner's ID numbers are so low. Did he call the song "Jailhouse Rock" because the events took place in the Stone Age?

      • poncho_pilot

        County Jail. they don't throw sock hops in Supermax prisons.

  • MissusBarry

    Psst, L, I'm pretty sure Elvis would be classified as a "sinner"…so whatcha doing wishing him a happy birthday, even if you got it wrong? Then again, I don't do that doG and Jeebus bullshit, so maybe I just don't understand the concept of sin. Despite that, I'm pretty sure I like certain aspects of it, fornicating being top of the list.

    • Guppy06

      Sinner? I think he's appeared in enough black velvet paintings by now to be considered beatified by "mainstream America."

      • MissusBarry

        I so desperately want to believe One-L and "mainstream America" have nothing in common.

      • AJWjr.

        Which makes him a graven image.

    • DaSandman

      You have my vote for President.

    • PristinePantalones

      I don't b'leev Michele has ever fornicated in her life. Closed her eyes tightly and thought of Jeebus while Marcus did the dirty deed, maybe. Although I suspect a search of their premises might reveal an old turkey baster with a story to tell.

  • And Shelly continues to bumble her way though life, undeterred by reality…

    • Isn't that a requirement to pass the bar exam?

      • PristinePantalones

        You cannot convince me that Mishmash *ever* passed the bar exam. Unless the MN bar exam is written by retards.

    • PristinePantalones

      Surely even our corrupt whore media can *finally* start noticing that this woman is plain old bumblefuck bugnut CRAZY!!

  • SoBeach

    Fifty years ago Bachmann would have been one of the uptight, glassy-eyed, religious scolds calling Elvis a corrupter of youth and rock and roll the music of the devil.

    Now she's giving dead Elvis a bungled shout out while pandering to the bubba vote.

    It's nice to start the day off with a smile.

    • SorosBot

      You forgot the part of the complaint that Elvis and other early rock and rollers were corrupting the white youth and betraying their race by playing negro music.

      • V572 T-Blow

        In fact it was called "race music" in those days, had a separate Top 40 and everything. I like Elvis but just like the Beatles he achieved great fame by making other peoples' music accessible to new audiences.

        Pat Boone, too — who can forget him singing Fats Domino's "Blueberry Hill"? Probably no one, but everyone wishes they could.

        • PristinePantalones

          Every single day of my life ever since I first heard it. I even got Fats Domino on the pod, and now have to use emergency applications of it whenever I'm reminded that Pat Boone once profaned this number.

  • Trannysurprise

    This just proves that there is no historical subject matter that she can't fuck up. She needs to hire some of those kids from "It's Academic" and put them on her campaign staff.

    Jesus Christo on a flaming turd she's stupid.

    • baconzgood

      The kids from Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader would even do better than her.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I was thinking about a new TV show, "Are You Smarter than a GOP Candidate?"

        Since the answer would be yes, pretty much every time, I guess it's a non-starter.

        • baconzgood

          (With my Phil Hartman voice)

          …AND NOW ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A GOP-ER….OUR FIRST CONTESTANT IS….GLENN BECK!!! C'MON DOWN…(cheers from t-baggers)….OUR NEXT HAILS FROM LEXINGTON VIRGINIA…..PAT ROBERTSON…..OUR 3RD AND FINAL PLAYER IS….DAVID DUKE!!!!!!

          If you put it on Faux-Noose it's get better ratings than a muslim getting beheaded by Bill "Tide-Goes-In-Tide-Goes-Out-Who-Can-Explain-It" O!

        • PristinePantalones

          Well, I would advise that you run animals against the GOP candidates. This will provide interest, since surely *some* of the fine kitteh and puppeh contestants will score lower (hopefully) than the resident dumbasses. Also, KAWAII!!! Teh cute will attract large numbers of crazy cat ladies and teenagers who txt, so audience numbers. Profit???

  • Mahousu

    August 16 is Madonna's birthday, not that she'd have anything to do with Bachmann either. But Marcus covets some of her outfits.

    • PristinePantalones

      Well, he can't have that one with the pointy metal boobies.

  • baconzgood

    "When I die that's how I wanna go.
    Stoned, and fat, and wealthy, and sitting on the bowl"

    -The Dead Milkmen-

  • freakishlywrong

    Have the wingtards changed Elvis's Wiki page yet to reflect this new normal?

  • Barb

    Ah, Elvis! Took a 14 year-old girl into his home and no one found that odd.

    • freakishlywrong

      Least of all L and her gay husband. They took in 23 of them.

    • CapeClod

      Of course not. His home was in Tennessee.

    • DashboardBuddha

      These folks are just grateful it was a human female.

    • SorosBot

      See also Jerry Lee Lewis and Steven Tyler. It seems to be a thing with rock stars.

      • Don't forget Loretta Lynn? Married at 13. Mind commences boggling..

        • DashboardBuddha
          • PristinePantalones

            Many more fists should come your way.

          • DashboardBuddha

            Thank ye. I'm just glad Achewood is being re-booted.

        • SorosBot

          Southerners are really fucked up.

      • GOPCrusher

        And in the instance of Jerry Lee Lewis, the girl in question was also his cousin, if memory serves.

        • PristinePantalones

          OK, but in all fairness, he's loved her and been true to her all his life. I still think it's weird, but obviously he actually loved her, as opposed to only wanting to fuck some pretty underage chickie.

      • __kth__

        Also there's a bunch of stuff in Hammer Of The Gods about JImmy Page's yen for barely-pubescent underage girls.

    • Odd indeed! He was rich, famous and handsome. Yet he settled for a 14 year old Tennessee spinster.

      • DahBoner

        Charity. That's way past the age for Courtin' & Sparkin' in those parts…

  • DaSandman

    I'm waiting for the new record "Michele Bachmann Explains String Theory While Wolfing down a Huge Tube of Iowa Meat."

    Wait maybe that was the good Doctor. Maybe it can be a duet

    • user-of-owls

      They have a pre-release visual:
      http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/201

      • PristinePantalones

        God damn you, user! Now I must fap to ICHC for the next 16 hours.

        Actually, I strongly suspect that cats are some superior alien life-form that is capable of beaming control vibes at us. I was about to smack a feline for walking on my computer a little while ago, but found myself stroking its gorgeous plush soft rich silky tactile sensual … wut?

        Oh, like it never happened to *you.*

  • Terry

    Her staff must be as bad or worse than she is. In this case, she would have just been parroting something they put in front of her. The delightful Ms B needs a better fact checker.

    • freakishlywrong

      Not only that, but her stupid yokels roar with approval. Stupid yokels.

    • I think it is more of a problem that she doesn't listen. She's all output. Poor quality output and lots of it.

    • SenileAgitation

      I'd guess staffing criteria = True Believer first, any hint of competence, skill, etc somewhere in the back. Though she has attracted some impressive (i.e., repulsive) talent like Ed Rollins, etc. Being pretty is useful!

      • PristinePantalones

        Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Rollins notorious for trashing his former clients after they lose? I believe he's only run one successful campaign so far, but could be wrong.

        So, match made in heaven?

    • Winnie_Cooper

      I have a deep hope that her fact-checker is just as appalled at this woman as the rest of us are and is deliberately giving her these "facts" to sabotage the campaign. Sadly, the fact-checker ignores the fact that the Congresswoman's supporters are undeterred by reality.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      She has no use for facts, so why would she hire someone to check them?

    • GOPCrusher

      From the way it sounds, they are probably all afraid to correct her.

    • PristinePantalones

      Her staff is best-known for quitting within months of starting work. Ex-staffers have blabbed about her completely disorganized style, her failure to adhere to schedules that she has *them* draw up for her, her apparent inability or refusal to read her goddamn mail, and her mulish stubbornness in pursuing her hidden agenda to the exclusion of the one that she is paid to pursue by the people. I can't believe she's lasted this long, but look forward to the many delicious exposes that will be written after her fall.

    • LetUsBray

      It's much like Shrub's remarkable ability to surround himself with people even dumber than he is.

  • jakegittes

    Was Michelle Bachmann wishing Elvis a Very Merry Unbirthday, maybe? In the words of Alice in Wonderland at the conclusion of the Merry Unbirthday Party scene, "This is the stupidest tea party I have ever been to in all my life."

    • Steverino247

      I sense a line of T-shirts with that Alice quote while sitting amongst Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Glenn Beck, etc., etc.

      • PristinePantalones

        Quick! To the silkscreens, men!

    • PristinePantalones

      While that's a possibility, it's an exceedingly remote one, for several reasons. 1. I cannot believe that Mishmash BatShitKrazyMann has *ever* read anything literary in her life; 2. especially not Alice in Wonderland, and 3. I doubt she has the sophistication of mind required to understand the concept of an Unbirthday. Also, not Jesusy enough.

  • freakishlywrong

    *shudder*. The dancing. I really can't handle the dancing. Please. Don't. Dance.

  • BZ1

    I'm confused, is Michi now wishing Santa's elves a happy birthday, surely she can't be connecting to the ghost of Elvis….

  • CapeClod

    It would be great if it were John Wayne Gacy's birthday

  • OT, but a person with a cushy gubbmint jerb has gone AWOL cuz Obamas forged birf cert blah, blah, blah. His name is MORAN. I do, and could not, make this stuff up.
    http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/08/birther-airma

    • NorthStarSpanx

      So when will his fellow servicemen use the soap in a pillow-case therapy on him?

      Enjoyed a commentators post of the following:
      http://beeryblog.wordpress.com/2011/06/28/the-amy

    • GOPCrusher

      Was this who Parry (with an "A" for America) meant when he said that members of our Armed Services don't respect Obama?

    • PristinePantalones

      Update sez he's not AWOL, he's on pre-approved medical leave for mental health issues. Edit: He's on leave pending separation for mental health issues. He haz a craycray about teh ghey.

      Anybody surprised? I want to hear y'all now. Can't hear you.

      Huh. *crickets*

  • I'm all shook up. so not.

  • hollywooddood

    Elvis isn't dead. I saw him in Wal Mart yesterday.

    • LetUsBray

      Shopping for cakes he likes?

  • To be fair.. on the couple of occasions I've ventured pilgrim-like to Edgar Allan Poe's graveside w/ other misfits to wait for the Mystery Visitor/ Poe Toaster etc., while stamping our feet in the numbing chill at 3:00 a.m., I've had moments I couldn't remember whether we were there to celebrate an anniversary of birth for that icon — or to commemorate his death which would seem just as fitting, since it was more romanticized/ publicized/ cloaked in rumor and speculation than anything to do with his birth.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Edgar, Elvis– they both liked wrasslin' with teenage girls. Easy to make that mistake.

  • MrFizzy

    Wasn't Elvis the one who warned the British that the founding fathers wanted to form death panels to refute global warming? This history stuff is so bloody confusing.

    • prommie

      Yes, after he sailed here on the Mayflower with jesus and George Washington.

      • MrFizzy

        lol

  • johnnymeatworth

    best Elvis tribute since The Residents:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CFTFIcvz6o

  • SorosBot

    Elvis isn't dead! He was resurrected after three days, to save us all.

    • DashboardBuddha

      And he's partnered up with the Fightin' Jesus.

      • genxr

        They are both wearing their Dick Nixon Honorary DEA badges. Better run, hippies!

      • PristinePantalones

        Is the Fightin' Jesus anything like The Boxing Nun?

        Note: The Boxing Nun makes a very effective cat-disciplining tool for those with mobility issues. A punch on (or near) the nose from a Boxing Nun will make any cat rethink playing soccer with the cherry tomatoes on your salad.

    • LetUsBray

      You're confusing him with Spock.

  • raygotaway

    Damn. The Mothership must have broke down. When are they going to pick Michele the Dominionist School House Rock drop-out, up?

  • tcaalaw

    Elvis is reborn in our hearts every day, so Michele was correct, you see?

  • Elvis is dead???

    • DashboardBuddha

      Yes, Johnny…yes he is. But he was pre-deceased by his career and left a legacy as bloated as his drug addled and fried banana sandwich corpse.

    • Tundra Grifter

      JZ: If you've ever been to Memphis, you couldn't tell. The folks down there talk about Elvis as if he were still alive. When he was home I think he almost never left the house. And, since he continues to drive the local economy (along with blues and barbeque, of course) in many ways he still is.

  • Sweet baby Jeebus on a Velveeta roll, Wisconsin's favorite young gun Paul Ryan is considering throwing his Packers hat into the cranberry bog race.

  • Steverino247

    She's all shook up, uh-huh.

  • OneYieldRegular

    One of my all-time favorite bumper stickers:

    "U.S. Out of Elvis!"

  • prommie

    Elvis is everywhere
    Elvis is everything
    Elvis is everybody
    Elvis is still the king
    Man oh man, what I want you to see
    is that the king is inside of you and me

    • AJWjr.

      Mojo Nixon ftw!

    • TheMightyHaltor

      Gotta disagree with Mojo on one thing: Michael J. Fox DOES have Elvis in him.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Uh!

    • Pat_Pending

      He's in Joan Rivers, but he's TRYING to get out!!!

  • Billmatic

    Well what do you expect from someone who can't even get things about the present correct?

  • metamarcisf

    Me, I celebrated Presley's 42nd birthday yesterday by playing the slots at McCarren, watching the Elvis impersonators stumble in for their annual pilgrimige. One thing about Michele: when she's right she's right.

  • FakaktaSouth

    She should really listen to the words of the song "In the Ghetto." I am sure it will reaffirm her faith in the free markets, her anti-abortion stance and the fact that she doesn't know a God damned thing about anything, at all, ever. Stupid cunt.

  • James Michael Curley

    I have a bad pixel in my monitor. Everytime that Newsweek photo of Bachmann shows up in the heading, the pixel is in her right eye. Way to start a morning with cold, sweats.

  • Gorillionaire

    I have come to think that the upper class Republicans have put a mole in the MB campaign to come up with these stupid things for her to say. Probably a pretty good paying gig too.

  • It would have been even better if she tried to get the crowd to sing Happy Birthday Elvis.

  • V572 T-Blow

    Maybe on July 3rd, if her idiocy is still commanding public attention, Miche1e can celebrate Jim Morrison's death with a visit to Père Lachaise.

  • proudgrampa

    NO. NO. NO. She meant that it was Elvis' Unbirthday!

    A very merry unbirthday
    To me
    To who?
    To me
    Oh, you

    A very merry unbirthday
    To you
    Who, me?
    To you
    Oh, me

    Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea
    A very merry unbirthday to you

    Now statistics prove
    Prove that you've one birthday
    Imagine just one birthday every year
    Ah, but there are 364 unbirthdays
    Preciselywhy we're gathered here to cheer

    A very merry unbirthday
    To me?
    To you
    A very merry unbirthday
    For me?
    For you
    Now blow the candle out, my dear
    And make your wish come true
    A very merry unbirthday to you

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Maybe Michele propped up his moldy corpse and put on Frosty the Snowman's magic hat. And Elvis siad "uuunnngggghhhh," because he is a zombie.

  • Ruhe

    "trying like tortured humanities graduate students to get to the bottom of this “semi-serious political candidate” woman’s complete failure to utter a single true, factual thing ever"

    I'm imagining DeLillo re-writing "White Noise" to include a third Department, Bachman studies, to go along with the Hitler and Elvis studies Departments. This could be interesting as Bachman could be both a field of academic research and the novel's infamous "airborne toxic event". Plot gold, I tells ya.

  • Gomez571

    Anybody checked to see how many time the Teabigots have tried to change Elvis' Wikipedia birth-date since she said this?

  • crybabyboehner

    ELVIS IS NOT DEAD! SHOW US THE DEATH CERTIFICATE!

  • elviouslyqueer

    The congresswoman from Minnesota played the Elvis tune “Promised Land” at a local restaurant and told the crowd of 300 that she wanted to say happy birthday to the king of rock ‘n’ roll.

    Jesus, Michele, did you learn nothing from your little run in with Tom Petty? Elvis Presley Enterprises will fuck. you. UP.

    • DashboardBuddha

      They didn't call it the Memphis Mafia for nothing.

    • PristinePantalones

      I'm so looking forward to that.

  • genxr

    Life begins when you get into heaven. Everyone knows that. Duh. Sigh… now I have to go edit wikipedia again.

    • Pat_Pending

      I thought life begins at 50…

  • StarsUponThars

    See, this is what happens when you close all the insane asylums.

  • Ducksworthy

    "Bachmann didn’t respond and launched into her speech."
    When Gawd speaks directly to you and through you, you don't listen to people in the crowd.

  • prommie

    We are all moving in peace and harmony towards the perfect state of Elvisness, its not evolution, its Elvislution. Soon, all will become Elvis!

    • SenileAgitation

      And I for one will welcome our Colonel Tom overlord.

    • All your Elvis are us?

  • proudgrampa

    You know that E-L-V-I-S is an anagram:

    ELVIS LIVES!!!

    • GOPCrusher

      Elvis Lives is also the cheat code to get into God mode in the old video game, Redneck Rampage.

      • proudgrampa

        (Channeling Johnny Carson):

        I did not know that!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Relax – she's just taking our country back, like she says….to a time when Indians gave us their slaves, 'cause we needed them more, and Thomas Jefferson stole everything out of the Bible to write the Constitution and didn't give Jesus credit….there's more, when Bachmann finally writes our True History book, coming soon….

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Don't be cruel to Michelle Bachmann. She's all shook up about Elvis's trip to the Promised Land. But, watch out – Bachmann ain't no hound dog! Her campaign will be back on track soon, bypassing that heartbreak hotel and rolling in money honey. It's now or never for Bachmann – people may have suspicious minds, but they really can't help falling in love with her as she says, "I did it my way". Marcus is her good luck charm, a real teddy bear that keeps Michelle from turning moody blue. And that's when your heartaches begin.

    • HistoriCat

      But how does she feel about folks in the ghetto?

      • PristinePantalones

        Michele wants to know what is this "ghetto" of which you speak. Is it found in a choot-spa?

  • It must be nice to be so immune to the embarrassment of being wrong. In a way I envy her.

    • prommie

      You can have this immunity too, you just need the same prescriptions.

      • But then again, embarrassment can lead to humility. The inability to be embarrassed and the lack of modesty kind of explains Michele’s behavior. I is a genius!

    • PristinePantalones

      The danger of people like Mishmash is, they soon have you questioning *your* reality. I really feel sorry for her kids. Can you imagine what it must be like growing up with a crazy mother who is wrong about everything but never backs down, insists she is correct, which means YOU are wrong, and just fucking doesn't hear you when she doesn't want to?

  • Angry_Marmot

    Everybody in the crowd died a little, today.

  • DahBoner

    Too much conversation and not enough action….

  • ringletwraith

    She should deep throat a corn dog at all times. It might help keep the stupid from coming out.

  • smitallica

    It takes a lot of chootz-puh to be this proudly ignorant.

  • AJWjr.

    Elvis is not dead, and he played the Bachmann Family Reunion in Iowa the other day. Which she would have known, had she bothered to show up…

  • Papa_Uniform

    Michele, there goes the Tennessee vote. Three times of the year you cannot get a hotel room in Memphis. Live Elvis week (birthday), Dead Elvis week (anniversary of death), and the Church of God in Christ Convention. These people take this shit serious.

  • I would love to know what she thinks goes on on 4/20.

    • PristinePantalones

      Dope-smoking wickidnesses?

  • subsum

    The urination analogy is quite appropriate with the whole Gerard Depardieu thing going on. It works.

  • I CAN"T REMEMBER THINGS! MIGRANES! AMEROS! BARNEY FRANK SENDS ACORNS TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD.

    • PristinePantalones

      Gosh, you sound so much like Michele right now, for some reason.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Celebrating Elvis' death… Her future is in the Westboro Baptist Church.

  • mavenmaven

    Doesn't matter what the "facts" are, what only matters is what we say and believe.

  • fuflans

    to be fair, if we didn't have shelley and rickie saying funny stuff, i would be pretty terrified by the news.

  • Pat_Pending

    I hope that if Elvis is alive today and watching this, he'll shoot his TV set.

  • notreelyhelping

    Hunka-hunka-hunka burnin' dumb.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Lucky girl, Good Friday is still seven months ahead.

  • Nostrildamus

    Bachmann and Perry
    Sitting in a tree
    S U C K I N G
    http://thedailywh.at/2011/08/16/animated-gif-of-t

  • GOPCrusher

    3000 Miles To Graceland is a fun movie.

  • ttommyunger

    OK Michelle, we now connect you with Elvis; but not in a good way…

  • succalina

    Why the fuck would you play an Elvis song for his birthday or his croak-day in a campaign? I know whole point is to suck up to the pasty old high fructose crowd, but a staffer should be fired or Michelle just wasted her last braincell making this stunt up.

  • owhatever

    She sure squirts out a lot of nonsense, but Marcus remains a proud mommy.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Who was the San Francisco comedian who asked "If Elvis was such a big star, why is he buried in the backyard like a hamster?"

  • PristinePantalones

    Has this meshuggie shikse *ever in her fucking life* gotten one thing right? Just one? Anyone?

  • Dürers Rhino

    "…someone in the crowd shouted back, “He died today!”"

    Then someone was immediately sent to the Marcus Bachmann Re-education Camp™.

  • BarackMyWorld
  • 102415

    I think she jumped the shark on this. The Concord error just upset the old guys who put on the three cornered hats. The John Wayne Gacey mistake was* just a mistake* not her fault.This mistake is serious. She's got nothing left now but the Dominionists and home schoolers.

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