freedom comes to town

Actual Palin/Beck Reign of Terror To Kick Off With Night of Family Fun

Fox Newz Rejectz 4 evaGood thing you did not waste your pathetic paycheck on those Donny and Marie tickets, because America’s other tragic duo is heading to good ol’ St. Louis this October, to sing some songs about Freedom! “Defending the Republic” promises fun for the whole family, and will feature lessons, comedy, and Sarah Palin scratching her fingernails across Glenn Beck’s chalkboard. The name of this rally seems to suggest that perhaps there will also be some French people guillotining each others’ heads off, but probably not because Glenn Beck does not like the French, except for the ones that are fried. How will America handle so much raw, unapologetic patriotism in one Family Arena?

The radio station that is hosting this event is practically wetting itself with excitement right now, as evidenced by the event description on the 97.1 web site which follows all the important Palin-style journalism grammar guidelines. STLtoday.com reports:

Two of the biggest names in conservative commentary will appear together this fall in St. Charles.

Former vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin and radio pundit Glenn Beck will share the spotlight at the “Defending the Republic” event on Oct. 7 at the Family Arena.

Tickets for the rally — sponsored by 97.1-FM and Hansen’s Tree Services in O’Fallon, Mo. — range from $20 to $97.

It’s hard to gauge what the pending appearance means for Palin’s possible White House aspirations, though it’s hard to imagine a presidential candidate charging people to see her speak.

She would, however, have some time after the event to decide whether she wanted to put her name on the ballot.

Sarah Palin has to charge people to see her speak, because she is not just an ordinary presidential candidate. She is a presidential candidate who is so far not running for president, so obviously she needs lots of extra ca$$h, because Willow and Piper will probably need to start buying diapers soon. [STLtoday]

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Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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234 comments

  1. jdoleman

    "Tickets for the rally — sponsored by 97.1-FM and Hansen’s Tree Services in O’Fallon, Mo. — range from $20 to $97."

    For $97 you get blowed by the speaker of your choice.

    1. Crank_Tango

      ugh, I'd rather go for the tree service, i.e. I'd prefer sticking my dick in an oak and taking my chances on the squirrels.

      1. bumfug

        The one big plus would be that you wouldn't have to hear Sarah's voice if she had a mouth full of dick.

    2. mayor_quimby

      Any bets on the under/over on illegalsvworking for the tree service?
      Is there even a question?
      I wish the lottery was this predictable.

  2. lochnessmonster

    Can't believe the town of Town And Country, MO is not hosting this event where no property is worth under 1 million…

    1. Rotundo_

      A property worth more than a million in MO is like putting your brand new ocean racing boat in a hog shit lagoon on a confined animal feed operation. You'll be the biggest boat in the lagoon, but who cares?

    2. phlox✔

      T & C is a pretty small municipality and most of the residents IMHO are not the teatard type. Lots of old St Louis money there.

  3. Nothingisamiss

    When do we think $arah will cancel (scheduling difficulties) after not enough tickets are sold?

  4. Callyson

    From 97.1's website:
    Do not miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to witness the fusion of two intellectual conservatives as they Defend the Republic on the Family Arena stage.
    Fusion? Is that legal in a St Louis stage show?

    1. MissusBarry

      Intellectual conservatives, indeed. The combined intellect is so conservative that, if intellect could be seen, it couldn't be identified with a nano-level microscope.

    2. fuflans

      the fusion of two intellectual conservatives

      huh. i guess they are what passes for conservative 'intellectual'.

        1. neiltheblaze

          Ross Douthat. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Kidding, kidding….. i meant Andrew Sullivan. He's one of them intellectual conservatives. He said so himself.

    3. Troglodeity

      Sarah Palin an "intellectual" conservative? Someone was snickering when they wrote that ad copy.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      once again I must applaud you Tengu for your now ENORMOUS 135" p-ness, seein's how I almost NEVER see comments from you on this Wonkette-thingy (hell you got a bigger p-ness than Wookies AND Barb, two of my personal favorites and prolific commen-taters…truly an admirable feet!) *golf clap*

        1. Tundra Grifter

          Always avoid the "Beens:" Couldabeen, Wouldabeen, & Shouldabeen.

          And, as you point out, their cousin Hasbeen.

  5. SexySmurf

    TICKET PRICES RANGE FROM $20 TO $97, WITH THE $97 TICKET COMES A COMMEMORATIVE T-SHIRT

    I hope they ordered enough in size XXXXXL.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    I'm thrilled that these two imbeciles are finally defending the Republic. Which branch of the service will they be enlisting in?

  7. SayItWithWookies

    sponsored by 97.1-FM and Hansen’s Tree Services in O’Fallon, Mo.

    …and right now some little league coach is thinking, "They dropped us for those assholes?!"

  8. OC_Surf_Serf

    Night of Family Fun

    Sarah's family has had too much 'Night Fun' and I certainly wouldn't let Glenn anywhere near my kids…

  9. OkieDokieDog

    I wonder how many Okies will pack the kiddos, granny, and crazy pedo uncle into the minivan to head to Missouri to help defend the republic from space aliens or giant grasshoppers or whatever the hell it is that they think is taking away their freedums.

    On second thought, I really don't want to know how many.

    1. PristinePantalones

      Let me put it this way. At the last "rally" for MishMash BatshitKrayKrayMann, a whopping 35 people turned out for the much-lauded "tea party darling." Now, if the "darling" gets a whole 35 of these lazy-assed teatards, one can only wonder what the ex-Gov and ex-tv exploding head could possibly draw. And — $20 tickets? That's sad. I can't even get a ticket to hear some moderately good but not famous musician for less than $100.

      1. flamingpdog

        Oh, thanks, I just had a picture of those two "finding" each other pop into my brain. I don't think there's enough brain bleach within a 100-mile radius of me to burn off that image.

    1. Radiotherapy®

      Maybe it's this speech wherein the mustachioed corporal talks about "restoring honour" and God and patriotism and victimization and all the other things these wingtards spout.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Somehow, this won't quite measure up. The crowd of 126 (including media) might be part of the reaon.

  10. OC_Surf_Serf

    Also brought to you by Americans for Prosperity, Webster Dental, Woods Basement Systems, Dentistry With TLC.

    Hmmm, I wonder if sponsor #1 covers 99 or 99.5 % of the funding??

    1. Crank_Tango

      Oh never count out Woods Basement Systems. I hear they are a real basement-system juggernaut in that neck of the woods.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      We know how much the Koch bros. hate the EPA. I'm sure it is a pure coincidence that members of the Koch Ring such as Off-the-Mark Levin rant and rave about how horrible that Federal agency really is. Particularly when it attempts to actually enforce regulations passed during the Administrations of President Bush.

  11. henrypuppyhead

    Is Palin going make a entrance reminiscent of Ana Gasteyer's Martha Stewart but with tasteful star spangled pasties?

  12. Sharkey

    Wait, I can just decide to "put my name on the ballot"? That's all there is to it?

    Sharkey / Prommie 2012!!!1@!

    I mean, Prommie / Sharkey 2012!

  13. AlaskaGrrl

    "…sponsored by 97.1-FM and Hansen’s Tree Services in O’Fallon, Mo. "

    A tree service? Seriously? How prestigious. What are the promos like? Do they sound like the ones for tractor pulls and monster truck rallies? Yep, this is a sign that the nations attention span has moved on from Beck and Palin. They'll be cutting ribbons at Dollar Store openings next.

    1. DahBoner

      "They'll be cutting ribbons at Dollar Store openings next."

      Stores still accept Fiat currency?

    2. Barrelhse

      Those businesses putting their names on this may be saying "We prefer WHITE customers."
      Actually, this whole right-wing schtick just says to me that the good ole US of A is in deep shit, and more than likely in permanent decline.

  14. Barb

    They will appear on Yom Kippur, Oct 7th. (begins at sundown) I hope Beck has the good sense not to make nazi references while Sarah is wearing her ginormous Star of David bling.

    Yom Kippur is the "Day of Atonement" They should change the name to "Day of A Tone Deaf" for all those who will have their hearing ruined by Palin's shrieking.

      1. under_score

        I think they actually *do* know. This way, they can talk about how much the lurrrrve Israel and the Jewish people without having to actually see any.

    1. powersuit

      Silly Barb, atonement is for the Jews! Christians have repentence! When they have sinned. Which Glenn and Sarah have done expertly.

  15. YouBetcha

    If we throw dollar bills at them, they will make out on stage, yes? I would pay to see that. I bet their spawn would be so ugly and weird.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      He's the opening act.

      LtCG story – Back when I lived in Lewiston, ME (it's not hell, but you can see it from there), Larry did a show. It.made.the.front.page.of.the.paper.

      I was sore embarrassed.

    2. Rotundo_

      Nugent. The Nuge needs to open for these two. What could be more patriotic than Wang Dang Sweet Poontang and Cat Scratch Fever opening for the patriotic duo. Larry doesn't do guns and now that Derek St. Holmes is desparate enough to work with Nugent again, there will actually be someone who *can* sing on the stage with him. Ted can shoot a caged tame bear for freedumb too, and then the pyro crew can have streamers of fire shoot out its ass for the finale. That's the sort of entertainment and patriotic inspiration that Missouri is fairly crying out for.

  16. DaSandman

    Will they bang in some sort of star spangled Right Wing Jeebus baby unity fuck?

    Oh wait, thats Brisket in the parking lot with the valets.

    My bad.

  17. mavenmaven

    Obviously if she'll announce, she'll announce at the latest possible date so that she can keep collecting the money money money, which is all that really matters. Money money money!

    1. finallyhappy

      what- we don't need no ch ch ch cha ching, we don't need no bla-bla-bla bla bling- oh, wait-she really does

    2. berkeleyfarm

      And make up some lame excuse (probably related to her kids, because that'll keep the roobs on the hook, and the kids are all on the payroll so they won't blab) why she quits a couple of weeks later. Then, back to unrestricted SarahPAC grifting till the 2016 cycle starts, as opposed to the campaign fund with all the rules.

  18. Texan_Bulldog

    "…though it’s hard to imagine a presidential candidate charging people to see her speak."

    I love STLtoday.com's charming naivete–the journalist obviously has not read a single article about Snowbilly or this would not be coming as a surprise.

    1. kissawookiee

      My greatest source of surprise these days is the fact that she hasn't found a way to charge journalists for writing about her. Well, not since that whole trademarkin' the name thing fell through last year.

  19. Radiotherapy®

    Blair, you know they get all touchy when you call them terrorists. After all, they're not even close to the EPA.

  20. MissusBarry

    It's like the antithesis of the All-Star game…teabagging assholes in general and these pathetic, washed-up grifters in particular.

  21. fuflans

    by october michele will be a has-been. these two will be mortified.

    and i mean that in the medical sense.

  22. DahBoner

    "President Obama's Midwestern bus tour is getting a lot of attention but so is his mode of transportation. Some say the million dollar blacked-out behemoth looks like it should be carrying Darth Vader rather than a president."

    Ha, ha. Well, I'm sure "some people" at FOXNEWS would say he should be riding in the back of the bus, anyway…

    1. flamingpdog

      Great, the economy's so bad now that the Preznit has to ride around in a Dick Cheney hand-me-down?

      1. V572 T-Blow

        Well I was told yesterday that if I wanted to have sexy-time talk with teh ladiez of teh Wonkette, I’d have to get a more fap-worthy avatar. Sounds like for you, this isn’t it…

        1. Texan_Bulldog

          Ummm…no. Besides Tim Tebow is probably still a virgin–saving himself for the future Mrs. Tim Tebow. I'm sure his dick has the miraculous image of Mary or Jesus on it…just gahh. Wait, I bet Tim's wife conceives immaculately. Can you tell I really dislike him?

  23. DahBoner

    "“The potential is great that Karl Rove will have some desire to undermine Rick Perry’s presidential bid because Perry is not Karl’s kind of candidate,” said R.G. Ratcliffe, a Texas reporter writing a book on Perry. And, he added, “If Perry wins and he has the sense that Rove was somehow undermining him in the process, then there could be payback.”"

    WOO HOO!

    INTER-TRIBAL HILLBILLY WARFARE!!!

    1. fuflans

      i'm starting to feel a little less worried about rickie – as the ben bernanke story seems to be getting some traction (marketplace just signed off with a mocking reference).

      my boy keeps saying he's not ready for prime time and just wait and watch. but me, i fret.

    2. Negropolis

      Team Bush hates Perry, and for once, this is probably good news for John McCain. Well, it's good news for America, anyway.

  24. x111e7thst

    While Hansen’s Tree Services may not be exactly the sort of sponsor that connotes presidential timber it's still a step up from the Kockkks.

  25. FlyOverGirl

    If your not not an Insider you can sign up now, it only takes a minute and is totally free.

    And I thought the shit from Palin's mouth made my brain hurt.

  26. Come here a minute

    Be careful, Glenn, and be nice to the Snowbilly Grifter, or you could end up just another inept accomplice in the Hansen’s Tree Services wood chipper.

  27. JoshuaNorton

    though it’s hard to imagine a presidential candidate charging people to see her speak.

    Exactly what part of "Snowbilly Grifter" don't you understand?

  28. fuflans

    It’s hard to gauge what the pending appearance means for Palin’s possible White House aspirations

    nothing. absolutely nothing.

  29. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Glenn Beck will put a good word in for her with the Israelis
    Sarah Palin received zero (0) write-in votes at Ames, Iowa

    1. glamourdammerung

      And Ron Paul stayed flat.

      Still, this is a better comment than your usual "Jews did 9/11" haikus for morons.

  30. Tommmcatt

    Heh. They sense themselves fading, their importance dwindling. Hence the bundling approach to marketing.

    Suck it up, Sarah Somebody and wossname, Beck-guy. You are now the wingnut welfare version of a 2-DVD for $25 pack of old Nick Cage movies.

  31. BTWBFDIMHO

    So someone is willing to pay up to $97 so Palin and the Wizard of Chalkistan can Defend the Republic, but they'd rather let the country default before raising taxes? Interesting.

  32. fuflans

    this is OT but i am listening to YET another story about how fiscal austerity is the absolute WRONG course to be taking right now. this is all i've been hearing since the debt deal was done.

    where the fuck were these stories in the four months preceding (well, except a few lone voices like krugman, wonkette and the economist) when they might have done some bloody good?

    god we are so screwed.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Hard to believe anyone's going who doesn't have one. And for an extra $97, The Grifter will lay her beautifully manicured hands on you and you will throw away your insulin syringe and WALK.

  33. Nopantsmcgee

    "It’s hard to gauge what the pending appearance means for Palin’s possible White House aspirations, though it’s hard to imagine a presidential candidate charging people to see her speak."

    But, they give a discount to people who actually listen to her speak.

  34. glamourdammerung

    Speaking of failed candidates, can we get a post about Papa Doc Ron Paul's anti-abortion screed? It would be amusing, if only for the Paultards whining about how once again, direct quotes are smears.

  35. neiltheblaze

    Hey boys and girls! I have an idea! Nobody pay attention!!

    But then the media would report that nobody was paying attention.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, to be fair, that would be news.

      It's just dawning on me that there's no escape from this Hell. (I know, I know — how could I have missed that?)

  36. phlox✔

    Let me be clear. I will not drive my Volvo the 30 minutes from my liberal elite, urban enclave… " to witness the fusion of two intellectual conservatives as they Defend the Republic on the Family Arena stage.",
    Not going to happen, no matter what hilarity/insanity may ensue. No Way.

  37. Tundra Grifter

    Two washed-up never was'z trying to keep a glimmer of the spotlight on them.

    They may think they are ready for their close-up – but the director has passed out and the audience lost interest a long, long time ago.

    This is sadder than a Republican state representative coming out of the closet when his luggage lifter calls his wife.

  38. owhatever

    And this potion will cure baldness, preggernancy, atheritis, hop-hip soreness, and bird flu. FREE with each purchase, a pre-owned autograph of Sarah Palin and a Glen Beck dog whistle that only patriots can hear. One of Sarah's younger unmarried relatives will pop out a new kid nine months early at halftime. Grifters II, and the pickings are ripe.

  39. poncho_pilot

    fusion, huh? is this like that Cronenberg movie with Jeff Goldblum? will there be a Palin that turns into Glenn Beck afterwards and a tiny annoying Glenn Beck with Palin's head? and when the mini-Beck says, "help me!" with Palin's irritating whirrrr of a voice will anyone care? 'cause Vincent Price is dead, man. long live, Vincent Price.

  40. NorthStarSpanx

    A year ago they were charging $1,000 for a photo with her, today it's Vaudeville for a dollar dollar bill yo.

    1. Negropolis

      She is not long for such fame. It's only a matter of time before she's giving "leadership" speeches for a hundred dollars a pop at random La Quinta Inns on the side of suburban highways, selling t-shirts and cds out the back of her bus, her and her misfit Von Trampp family.

      Bristol will be lucky if she lands some kind of long-term "celebrity" guest spot at some upscale Hollywood strip club putting those Dancing With the Stars moves to good use.

  41. BarackMyWorld

    You all laugh, but isn't this exactly what former VP candidate FDR did after losing the 1928 election? Oh, wait…my bad, he actually fought a life-threatening bout of polio and got elected governor of New York.

  42. snoopyfan2010

    She is a presidential candidate who is so far not running for president, so obviously she needs lots of extra ca$$h, because Willow and Piper will probably need to start buying diapers soon.

    US America FTW! That's what our founding fathers died for.

  43. seppdecker

    The Family Arena? WTF is that, where the local mega-church hosts Skillet concerts? Couldn't they book Busch Stadium or even the Bowling Hall of Fame?

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Ahahaha, from wikipedia:

      "The Family Arena also hosted Boeing Integrated Defense Systems' "Recommitment to Ethics Day" in 2005 and 2006 for Greater St. Louis."

      Nothing says family fun and ethics better than a finely-honed integrated defense system!

  44. ShaveTheWhales

    OT — AP just called the second WI recall (these were the Dem incumbents) for the Dem. State senate stays 17R-16D, but at least they held onto the two-seat gain.

    1. Negropolis

      The state senate is more a 16R – 1Independent Republican – 16D. From what I hear, Dale Schultz will definitely cross the aisle if Walker tries to push through the more extreme parts of his agenda. The goal was to take back the senate, but this was still a win for state Dems no matter which way you turn it. It's really kind of amazing what they were able to accomplish. If this had been my state, I'd have been surprised if we could have even got all of the names on the ballot to begin with, let alone actually win some of the districts.

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        I agree this was a pretty solid accomplishment. Winning 3 of 6 recalls would have been amazing — I mean, several of them were in solidly R districts. The couldn't recall the ones that limped in in 2010 because of the one-year rule. These results should give the 2010 R winners in swing districts a little something to think about.

    2. SudsMcKenzie

      next up, the Brewers win the divisio, …. I mean the Walker recall. It was one area of Milwaukee that fucked up both the Supreme Court election and one of the recalls.

      Waukeshaw ( I want to say it's WI's Berchtesgarden, but its more our Dusseldorf)

      It will be interesting to see if Snotty can win a general recall, …and the money

      the mooonnney

  45. Negropolis

    Will there be cake? I was told there would be cake.

    I'm kind of surprised they aren't holding this thing in Joplin, since the two of them really are that shameless.

    1. HistoriCat

      People in Joplin are putting their money into rebuilding. Never ever hold your grift family fun event in a place where the people are economically constrained.

  46. anniegetyerfun

    How will America handle so much raw, unapologetic patriotism stupidity in one Family Arena?

  47. BerkeleyBear

    St. Charles is as close to St. Louis as you can go and be in a "safe" (overwhelimingly white) community. I have news for them, though – it almost went for Obama in 08 (I'm talking within dozens of votes, because idjits like me pounded the ground for weeks there) and did vote for a Dem governor, Senator and even put a Dem on the city council for the first time in 20 years.

  48. widget2011

    “Defending the Republic” , from who?, the fifth columnist?, the Messicans?, the Muslins? Just who is the threat? Or maybe, just maybe, America needs to be defended from X-military types who served to protect America, like me and Tom the Younger because we are not what these 2 shitsacks consider "Real Murkans". Or perhaps again, they want to defend "Murka" against "Barack the Magic Negro", muslin, socialist, kenyan-born overlord, duly elected president? Hopefully this is on Halloween. I hate you John McCain! For bringing this frozen fish grifter from Alaska!

  49. Come here a minute

    This event is almost two months away — there is absolutely no chance Palin makes it that long without quitting.

  50. Buckminster

    "If your not not an Insider you can sign up now, it only takes a minute and is totally free. BECOME AN INSIDER"

    Grammar optional at 97.1 FM. Jebus.

  51. ttommyunger

    The festivities will be capped off by the clobbering of a Pinyata which is an actual Messican and then a Lynching reenactment featuring Toby Keith and Ted Nugent as Klansmen.

  52. Troglodeity

    From 97.1: "Do not miss this once in a lifetime opportunity … as they Defend the Republic on the Family Arena stage" … against Vickie Guerrero and the Iron Sheik!

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