Perennially unpopular Florida governor Rick Scott’s doomed attempts at constituent relations mostly consist of harassing robocalls filled with Rick Scott’s whimpering voice being piped across Florida telephone lines into millions of unwilling eardrums like some incurable mutant Ebola virus of audio assault infecting everyone’s dinner time. WELL GUESS WHAT? Florida can play that game, too, Rick! The website Pink Slip Rick is offering annoyed voters the chance to record their own 60-second messages for Rick Scott, which they began sending to the governor’s office on Monday. What does Florida have to tell Rick Scott?
You can listen to some of the hilarious and angry recordings here. A few at random:
JIM C.: “Governor Scott, I’ll do everything I can to get you out of office, because I think you are about the worst thing ever to happen to the state of Florida, and not only that, you’re the creepiest person in government.”
GEORGE L.: “Hey Rick, just wanted to let you know that we’re not real happy with the whole program here, my wife being a school teacher practically being destroyed by your policies and me being in architecture and I haven’t had any work based on all of the great job creation programs that you’ve been implementing. So I just thought it’d be nice if we could robocall you back the way you’ve been robocalling me with your automated B.S. just to let you know how it feels, doofus.”
SUSAN G.: “Hello there, Governor Rick Scott. I just wanted to tell you how much I really haven’t enjoyed having you call my house and interrupt my evenings to tell me all the wonderful things that you are doing for the state of Florida. Rick, I just want to let you know that I read this week about how you have health insurance for under $400 a year, and yet you turned back the money from the federal government that would have allowed me to have access to health insurance. Rick, that just sucks my behind. I can’t believe that you did that.”
Florida is feisty! [Pink Slip Rick via WTSP]
{ 165 comments }
Paybacks a bitch, isn't it Ricky?
I'm trying to decide which Ricky's payback is better: Scott's, or Santorum's?
A bitch whose ass Rick can suck!
… you’re the creepiest person in government.”…
Wow. That really is saying something.
And he didn't even text phone pics of his buff torso or covered cock. Go figure…
John Ensign is going to have to up his game.
Santorum would have a lock on this title except he's not technically "in" government at the moment, nor will he be ever again if democracy is to remain a viable concept.
Isn't Ensign gone from the Hallowed Halls of Power?
"What does Florida have to tell Rick Scott?"
Your state looks like a limp dick…
coming from Dah Boner it really means something.. expert testimony, no charge.
Your state is America's mullet.
Can we do this for tea party can'tidates?
"Is you refrigerator running?… Well mine isn't because I can't afford to pay the bills."
Please call and record this.
that's actually very good.
It both sucks AND blows. By the year 2018, there will be a $50-80 charge A MONTH, (currently about $20), in the dingus, just to HAVE electricity. We have the privilege of building Progress Energy a new nuclear plant. Thank goodness those populist patriots in Tallahassee got the people's back on that one, eh?
They're building a nuclear plant in Florida, a state known for regularly getting hit by hurricanes? That does not sound like a very good idea.
But is supported by Rick Perry.
There is a ginormous one right on the wildlife preserve that protects those pesky manatees from fredumb lovin' ,water skiin' patriots. Freaked me the fuck out.
A hurricane is going to do crap to a six foot thick concrete containment dome. Hard as a rock. Leaking critical devices out of the containment shroud, not an advisable decision.
You jest, fellow. You make the ha-ha. Consider that PG&E has built at least one such plant on an earthquake fault in California, a state somewhat reputed for its earth-shaking prowess, as it were.
Can we use it in Texas to robocall our current Governor? Same name, same policies, just a different longitude. Oh, and our governor has really nice hair.
We can't because our Rick is too busy campaigning to actually run Texas. I say that like it's a bad thing……
I just called to say Rick, Fuck you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say Rick, fuck you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart
no more Stevie Wonder. this is the 2nd time this week, if I'm gauging correctly, your adapted lyrics have resulted in that lame tune being inflicted onto my addled brain and (b/c no listening access at work) perma-plays therein.
Wow you can use that one in either state! Ear worm and all!
Rick Scott: aluminum siding salesman of governors.
George L. = Soros?
Dear Rick,
Somewhere, a prison cell is missing its Medicare scammer.
Warmest Regards,
~
That reeked foreboding clear as day — esp. the last few sentences' worth — and yet he still got voted in. Or, looking around at the other oafs-of-office: we the people have forgotten how to keep the con artists voted out.
Jeeze, dood, one look at his face and my colon leapt out my throat and tried to cut off my eyeballs. How could anybody vote for that face? Is FL the home-state of the visually-impaired, or what?
The whole middleman, health care system/insurance-industrial complex is a scam There is a reason we pay 3 X's what the rest of the civilized world pays for mediocre results.
Ooooh, but we don't want to put all those poor insurance companies' tinpot despots out of work! That would be unfair!!!1!
How low can you go?
Rick. Suck my Florida!
"The Creepiest Person in Government"
Are you sure that isn't James Carville? James Carville is pretty creepy…
James Carville looks like a potato bug.
I apologize in advance to anyone who might be offended. My remarks were taken out of context.
AND, he's procreated with Mary Matlin. That there is creepy as hell.
Ugh. Reminds me, uh. Nevermind. You don't want to hear about that nightmare….
Have they produced spawn yet? I'm curious to see it, just like I'm always curious to see the monster in the horror movies.
Oh hell to the yeah! And it's just going to have to be the ugliest sprog ever born. So go ahead and risk your eyesight if you want, but don't say I didn't warn ya.
Yes, but still not as creepy as Rick Scott. I think that says a lot, don't you?
I'm not sure I could cram all my hatred into 60 seconds. Worth a try, no doubt. And, I suppose, no reason I couldn't spread the vitriol out over several calls. Hey, asslick, it's Missus Barry again, I think I left off with why your education policy sucks, next up insurance…I'll be back soon with installment 42…"
LOL. I used to do that with a friend. I'd just talk to the end of the minute, then call back and pick up where I left off without a hitch. (Just for fun, though).
Really, this would basically be just for fun, too…not like shitfuckassholes like Pricky actually give a fuck that the people whose lives he's actively ruining notice and are pissed about it.
What is it with Republican politicians named Rick anyway?
Because referring to themselves as "Dick" would be too obvious?
OT speaking of dick:
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
In Britain they call that a Knob Gag.
FTW!
Never before would I have accused them of subtlety.
And Scott, either first, middle or last?
This asshole is both… wow… their king?
I'm waiting for Perry Walker Scott.
My guess is that he'll have cloven hooves and the mark of the beast.
And Paul. What is it with all these Pauls all of a sudden? Rand Paul, Ron Paul, Paul Ryan.
I'm appalled.
At least we got past that whole string of Pope Pauls.
And they're all Paul-suckers.
There hasn't been a decent Republican politician since Ricky Ricardo…
The "P" is silent?
My wife had a "Rick" at her work that was less than fun to be around, we just called him "Silent P" after a while.
2011 4:28 PM Kay S. says: "You are a very creepy individual!! I watched a video of you making donuts, and your reaction to the woman speaking to you was extremely scary. It was almost like I was watching the devil himself!!… ", etc.
Do-nuthin' governor does nothing helpful, channels Beelzebub, the end.
I don't know, have you ever seen someone make donuts? All that kneading of the dough, hole in the middle, and sugar coating. It's downright pornographic!
Beelzebubba?
He'll "channel" me, all right.
I'm not a Florida resident, but…
"Hello, Governor. Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your jobs creation measures, which are so effective that FLA's June 2011 unemployment rate is 10.6%, and your success in fixing the state's deficit, which climbed to $3.75B this year, and your hard work to preserve FLA's school systems, which is such a roaring success that we may see up to 20,000 layoffs. Yeah, thanks a lot, Governor…and fuck you too."
Baconz: Hey Dicky, you anorexic looking poor man's Ed Harris. I'm soooooooooooooo glad I don't live in the fucked up state that you run. Here's some fun facts about FLA. FLA stands for Fuckin' Lots of Assholes, Rush Limberger lives there, Disney world is way overrated, California grows better oranges, your state looks like a deformed cock, The Buckeneers are the shittiest teams ever (excluding the Browns), Jimmy Buffett sucks, and other than the cubans and old jews everyone in your state is a jerk off redneck.
"anorexic looking poor man's Ed Harris" is the best insult i'll read all week.
Bring back comment of the day! A win for baconz!
Thank you. It's nice knowing that someone thinks it comment of the day worthy. However, I'm no hero….I just fucking hate tea baggers like Rick Scott.
We all hate the fuckers. It's how elegantly we shit on them that is the very beating heart of my Wonkette.
There's another upfistworthy. WHERE HAZ U BIN ALL MY LIFE WONKETZ?
Yes, but you express it so well.
Baconz, come on. Tell us how you REALLY feel!
Woah! Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw is a classic!
Come on, now, baconz… could you go with the Lions instead of the Browns? I'm in enough pain already…..
At least the Lions went to the Superbowl.
Which universe did that happen in?
……Oh….Well at least they have a superbowl there?
I guessed you missed last season. The long municipal nightmare is over! Go Lions! We don't have to wear paper bags over our heads when we sit in the stands anymore. That's an improvement, right?
Obviously, you haven't been watching the Lions for a while…
Carl Hiaasen and Dave Barry are OK, but then again look at the material they have to work with.
I'm glad to see I'm not the only person who has nuts enough to say that Jimmy Buffett sucks.
And you didn't even mention the roaches big enough to carry away whole picnic coolers, the oppressive humidity and the crime rates. I bet with the proper research and preparation, you could easily do an hour long soliloquy on what a flaming shithole it is and the government in particular. Kentucky with more meth and a tan.
Well, you're certainly not doing so badly yourself there, are ya? Geez, everyone's on a roll today, it seems.
Edited to add: I'm totally stealing "KY with more meth and a tan."
Dude, the hillbillies in Kentucky take roadtrips to Florida to visit the pain "clinics" for Oxy prescriptions. Just consider that for a moment: Florida is where Kentuckians go to get their narcotics.
The Offic e of the G'ner of the great State of Florida is going to have to be put on the FTC's "No Call List." Pro Tip: You can do this on line. Of course, it is a FEDERAL program…
Rick Scott could go back to his career of defrauding Medicare, this time by posing as a cancer patient to get free radiation treatments.
Now that sounds promising… a whole bunch of 'em.
In the interest of cost savings, Medicare could just ship his ass to Fukushima.
I like that Wonketteers can see the bright side of everything.
Rick: Which Wonkette likeness do you most favor–Voldemort or the new Freddy Krueger likeness? Call back at your convenience.
Rick Scott is a fucking criminal and Skeletor, also.
Will the real Rick Scott please stand up.
He can't. But he'll gladly slither up your leg, if you'll extend it.
The Revolution Will Not be Televised in Del Boca Vista Phase III.
Rick Scott can't even claim to make the trains run on time — in fact, he made them not run at all by refusing federal funds for Tampa to Orlando high-speed rail.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, can we talk about sucking Susan G's behind now? My addiction to politics is burning me out and I'm thinking of taking up sex addiction as a substitute.
Gosh, we need to invite Jim C., George L., and Susan G. to become Wonketteers. They are awesome!
I have a sinking suspicion that Susan G. and her behind that gets sucked is already one of us.
They've earned their Wonks.
Do all these robo calls mean C3PO & R2D2 will get a jerb and off the entitlements?
I got nothing since our gov here in Maine is almost as big a douchebag as Rick.
LePage, baby! Ha…I have a friend who campaigned for Mitchell. She hates LePage "with the the white hot intensity of a thousand suns." (Diane from Cheers)
Can we route these to his cell phone and call at inconvenient times?
Shit my libunatics are funny. The images of Ricky on that site are the gayest! And what is it with hateful wingnuts and the name "Rick"? I guess "Dick" hits too close to home.
I'm gonna record a big ol' "HEEEEEEEEEENNNGGGHHHH!?!?!" for Rick.
Dear Rick:
Ffffffffffffuuuuuuuuu
At least your governor isn't going around threatening to lynch people for printing money. [Slaps forehead] Doh!
Not sure how much more humiliation Perry can heap on the sane portion of TX…but I'm sure he'll continue to try.
It must be a chore to maintain a semblance of sanity in that atmosphere.
Do you drink?
Aren't you cute?
"Do you drink?" Yes, heavily & often!
Jezus, I'm still palpitating from reading his steaming heap this morning. Does the fuckhead ever think before he runs that thing he uses for a mouth?
"Hey Rick. From what I hear… you suck ass-neck! I am truly glad that I live about as far from your state as possible. If you would care to visit here I could show you some great places to hike… especially this time of the year with the crops growing in the woods here. I understand that you are pretty scrawny but you could make some decent fertilizer for next grow season. I am sure plenty of people from your state would love me for it."
Who would have thought electing a supervillain Governor would turn out to be a bad idea?
Nobody in Florida, apparently!
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
(and he looks like fucking Torquemada, too, or at least my idea of what that unholy fuck would look like.)
I think you meant a BALD idea, but unlike a good brazilian, nobody likes this hairless fuckhole.
Did Alex Sink really lose (so closely, BTW, which keeps getting loss) because of the whole debate blackberry thingy? I remember watching the debate and thinking "how the 'eff cares? She's sitting next to an honest-to-goodness criminal, a repeat offender", but apparently it played out differently in Florida. I know she wasn't as clean a candidate as you'd hope for, but it almost seems as if the electorate was looking for reasons not to give her a chance, and this provided an easy, psychological out for them.
L Caveman: "Hey Rick, just wondering if Voldemort is such the big heavy bad guy they make him out to be in those movies. I'm thinking maybe he's just misunderstood or improperly diagnosed. Mental health is not always easy to to get a grip on, as I'm sure you're aware, and since you two are so closely related I thought you might be able to fill me in…"
How long until Gov. Lex Luther just stops phone calls in the state of Florida a la BART?
I'm sure BART is where Rick gets most of his crowd control advice.
In that case — it sure has been nice knowing all you FL Wonketters. Here's hoping you survive your governor.
If that's the case, Floridians better start investing in bullet-proof vests.
Don't give 'em ideas….
(Who am I kidding, they don't need ideas, they have their secret fascist handbook…)
I'm so glad I wore a pretty dress for Wonkette's Tuesday Dickhole Governor Day.
Nice shoes, too!!
And I bet you look adorable in your fury.
And your hair! *mwah* FABulous!
Work it girl!!
Do I detect a variation of the term "Rickroll?"
Oh I'm sure someone will just play the first minute of that song.
This Left Wing Hate Rhetoric must stop!
Really? then I guess I'll get back to work.
Susan G sounds like our very own Barb.
Rick, hi, it's Susie. You left your watch and got cum on my floor. You also owe me $40 dollars, you cheap bastard
Susie, he did that to you too? Oh, this is Ned. I did get a nice watch out of it.
Well, Susie, you just get busy and clean that floor up, since part of the job description of "Maid" includes getting raped by rich Republicans guests….
Or rich "Socialists", as the case may be.
Oh, every single one of those Republibaggers just WISHES they could have Barry's.
Now Susie, you know that Rick would be the type to lose his wood half way through the BJ and just smack the girl on the forehead and spit on the floor, rushing out before she realizes what hit her.
The Republican Party: Dedicated to destroying countries both foreign and domestic.
Come on, Florida, don't make the Koch Brothers come down there and buy up all the phone companies to put a stop to this…
Matt Frewer really has let himself go.
Matt Frewer Libel!
I miss "Max Headroom." It was pretty wonderful.
He was also in this show after Max Headroom called Doctor, Doctor that was pretty funny, as I recall. That takes me in the waaaaayyyyyyyy back machine.
I had a huge celebri-crush on this actress who played Max’s sidekick.
I totally want to be this woman's best friend….
Kay S. says: "You are a very creepy individual!! I watched a video of you making donuts, and your reaction to the woman speaking to you was extremely scary. It was almost like I was watching the devil himself!! You disgust me and obviously the rest of Florida. Get out!!!!"
August 11, 2011 2:12 PM
"HEEEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOO DOOOOOUCHE BAG!"
-Big Bopper-
Governor Scott. Are you human? But anyway, thanks for straightening out Florida after the long nightmare years of Governor Bush.
These are the times of the Ricks (DinglePerry, Fecal froth), the Scotts (Skwalker), and the Rick Scotts (proper Google misdirectional tag NEEDED URGENTLY)
I think we need to send Captain America down to Florida to open up a can of whoop-ass.
http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6064/6050576096_d3…
As the boys in Wisconsin are so fond of saying…"Elections have Consequences" and when a bunch of uninformed stupid fuckers vote for corrupt creeps then maybe they will have to live with the consequences….maybe we can only blame ourselves for people like Rick Scott and Gov. dickhole Walker in Wisconsin….after all, we the sheeple voted for them with our own Kochstained hands.
I would never vote for anybody named Rick, or Scott or Rick Scott.
There's nothing worse than looking like Freddy Krueger except the McFarlane action figure.
Brings a whole new meaning to the term "Rick Rolled".
I would probably just record the entire "revolution no 9" and have them send it multiple times.
Rickie don't change your number
It's the only one we know
If by spamming you we feel better …
You gotta go.
He seems like a nice vilain in his pictures though.
Hey, they voted for the fucker. Or if they didn't they stayed home and let some Tea Bagger ride up on his government paid for scooter and do it for them.
Let them lose their souls. They're all animals anyway.
Hey, you wanna see my wiener?
There was one message that said: "I don't know anybody who will admit to voting for you now." Kinda like the 2nd term of Dubya.
Those Cunts.
i'm sure someone has said this, but!
freddy kreuger is way better than voldemort.
nothing dents the armor of the righteous wingnut…
The guy on the left is one scary MFer.
Hurricane Andrew Libel!
So. That's what Rick Perry looks like without the hair.
Florida might want to consider taking its collective genitalia out of the meat-grinder one day soon. They could start by no longer electing dickheads and crooks to public office.
he should partner up with Romney. Rick scams, Mitt cuts overhead= profit!
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