Some newsroom intern in Delaware lost a bet and had to skim Christine O’Donnell’s latest attempt to cash in on her three failed Senate campaigns — “her 358-page book.” Worst assignment ever! Other than a few hundred pages of generic Tea Party filler, O’Donnell is mostly sad about her own hilarious “I’m not a witch” ad, which she very unconvincingly claims she somehow didn’t approve, even though she’s in the ad, reading the dumb lines, and also she’s copied on all her campaign staff emails approving the commercial.

“I’m not a witch,” O’Donnell said dressed in black with white pearls in an eerie political television ad that came to define her failed campaign against Democrat Chris Coons.

Haha, “eerie political television ad.” First time for everything, we guess! Also, the Wilmington News Journal immediately disproves her claims about not approving the ad — a nefarious “Hollywood-based television producer” secretly made the ad, using witchcraft, according to Xtine’s book — by getting the emails from her own campaign managers.

O’Donnell’s version of events that transpired last fall are already being disputed by Republican consultants who dealt with the campaign and contradicted by emails her own campaign manager sent to [ad producer Fred] Davis and his staff.

[Delaware Online]

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  • EatsBabyDingos

    Hahahahhha oooo that's rich. Unlike me.

    • I may not be rich in moniez, but I AM rich in irony. Or maybe that's just disappointment and bitterness. I get those confused. Speaking of confusion, when was the last time a GOP candidate owned their own mistakes? I am not a witch. I never said I was not a witch. Why does everyone keep dressing me as a ladybug and flossing with my luxuriant pubes?

      • emmelemm

        Too early on Monday morning (West Coast) for talk of luxuriant pube flossing. Ugh! More coffee, plz.

  • FrenchTwist40

    "I was really drunk when I made that commercial" would have been a much more sympathetic and convincing way of distancing herself from it.

    • tcaalaw

      I think she'd need to plead voluntary intoxication for the entire duration of the campaign to invoke that defense.

      • FrenchTwist40

        Also entirely plausible…

    • Swampgas_Man

      Or a simple "The fuck was I on?"

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Why are we talking about her? I thought Sarah filled the "unaccomplished nobody who continues to generate press" niche.

    • Because she is mildly attractive, utterly incoherent and like Sarah, stubbornly refuses to go away?

      Seriously, it's like a car wreck. How can you NOT look?

    • As long as somebody has to fill the "unaccomplished nobody who continues to generate press" niche, I think the public should get to choose who that somebody is. I vote for Christine.

  • Oh, Xtine, how you wound me.

    She would have been better off showing up in that commercial wearing her ladybug costume, saying: "I'm a dork, how about a vote for pity's sake?"

    Same subtext, but guaranteed more effective. Where is my consultant's fee?

    • Or perhaps wearing her ladybug costume while holding a riding crop to invoke senatorial authority and gravitas?

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Ladybug costumes and riding crops…sounds like a typical Republican fund-raiser.

        • Angry_Marmot

          Also typical of Republican fund-raisers, using Isabella Rossellini's bug porn without permission.

  • ThundercatHo

    She should have just listened to Darrin for once, sheesh.

    • north_of_moscow

      She could have blamed it on her pesky cousin, Serena.

    • Darrin was a Dick.

      • nounverb911

        Which Darrin?

        • Both.

        • Geminisunmars

          All of them, Katie. (I simply could not stop myself).

  • Well, her message strategy was approved by Dr. Puddingcup.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Not sure what speaks more ill of her: a) that she lies and knows the facts will be found out or b) that she thinks she's not lying. Must be hard being a brain cell in a Tea Bagger….

    • It's a lonely, scary place.

    • Orwell provided a good description of doublethink but I think the willingness and enthusiasm with which people embrace it would take his breath away.

    • GOPCrusher

      Honestly, does she believe that people will believe that? "I'm not a witch. I'm you." will live forever in campaign history with the classics like "Where's the beef?" or "Read my lips, no new taxes."

  • DashboardBuddha

    America is a 300 pound diabetic

    • ..but the world is still a vampire, right?

      • DashboardBuddha

        nah…but it does suck sometimes.

  • Assume for a moment that her claims are true.

    Which means that she is SO FUCKING STUPID that she shot a campaign commercial and didn't know it.

    I would rather have a witch represent me in the senate.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I'm Christine O'Donnell and I don't approve of this ad."

    • Texan_Bulldog

      "I'm Christine O'Donnell and I don't have a fucking clue what's going on."

  • SorosBot

    So is Wonkette going to be forcing someone to read this masterpiece for our entertainment?

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Oh god, yes, please. I value my sanity too much to read it, but I'm more than willing to sacrifice as many unpaid interns as it takes to have someone else read it for me.

  • nappyduggs

    "It wasn't me that made this ad; it was the neighbor's housekeeper, Tituba."

    • OneYieldRegular

      O Goody.

    • proudgrampa

      "Wasn't me." Heh. Sounds like she's channeling Bill Keane:

    • Angry_Marmot

      I don't Cotton to her, but do you think it really Mathers?

    • occams8ball

      "It was Powla!!!!!!!"

  • James Michael Curley

    Her intern spelled the cue card wrong. It was supposed to be "I'm not a bitch."

  • nounverb911

    What did Xtine do in her life to fill up 358 pages?

    • finallyhappy

      Nothing- and she didn't fill up the pages. I am amazed at all the books that get written and published supposedly by someone who is barely literate and totally uninteresting(Bristol, Witchie Poo-actually most of the bios and self-help books that get published).

      • Witchie-Poo. Billie Hayes great performance, or greatest?

        Thank you Sid and Marty Kroft for dropping acid while developing children's television programming. You have provided nightmare-fuel for untold millions.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          It's on KCET (LA ex-PBS station) every weekend! Good stuff.

          I'm a mechanical boy…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Mostly just collect campaign donations and use them to pay the rent, fill the gas tank, go out to Applebee's…

      • NorthStarSpanx

        At least Bristol had a baby, chose life and all that. Apparently that's an accomplishment when you are white, marginally pretty and from a powerful family (unless you are Jamie Lynn Spears.)

        Christine could go up in her peeps estimation as a 40-year-old virgin mother.

    • Geminisunmars

      It's amazing how many pages can be filled when you double space and use big font and margins.

    • zhubajie

      Recount all the times she narrowly saved her virginity?

  • V572 Coif of Destiny

    Reminds one of a few years back when Charles Barkley claimed he was misquoted in his purported "autobiography."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hairy bush or GTFO.

    • Perhaps the book has a section on her principled stance against certain aspects of Ladies' grooming?

      Going Brazilian would be too much of a "political statement" for her. Also, it might accidentally indicate "sexual readiness" and we know how important that revirgination is to Xtine.

  • HistoriCat

    Davis declined to be interviewed about his version of the events, sending The News Journal a short statement: "Christine is a colorful and interesting gal. I wish her the best with her book and in whatever she does next in her career."

    a) colorful and interesting = unpredictable, unable to stay on message, basically unelectable
    b) what career?

    "Please submit any questions in writing, as we will not allow you to ambush Christine with pre-planned 'gotcha's,' " Moran wrote in an email to a reporter. "As before, know that we've engaged a newspaper libel specialist, so unfactual reporting will be held accountable."

    Oh yes, she's one of Newt's farm team members isn't she? It's not fair to actually expect a person to stand by their words.

    • poncho_pilot

      "hey, Christine! have a great summer!" –uninterested classmate asked to sign yearbook.

    • "colorful and interesting" = batshit fucking insane.

    • "gal" = not quite a girl, not really a woman.

    • emmelemm

      Newspaper libel specialist? W T H-E-Double Hockeysticks?

  • widestanceshakedown

    At least we know she is not attacking her own reputed thicket, even if she could penetrate it without a machete.

    • Puddingcup is a brave man with a diminished sense of smell.

  • proudgrampa

    I thought O'Donnell was a pretty good stand-in for Bob Schieffer yesterday on Face the Nation. She made some good — What? Oh. Never mind.

  • I still like that she turned Newt into a Newt… he's still not better yet thanks to a failed Tiffany Savings roll.

    • Tails of lizards, ears of swine,
      chicken gizzards soaked in brine
      now thine eyes and mine entwine,
      thy will is broken, thou art MINE!

      While I keep misremembering that classic spell-casting to include a newt, it seems our stay-puft chameleon and O'Donnell's "don't quote me or assign accountability to me!" are well-matched for court jesting in a room of simpletons.

  • Crank_Tango

    so wait, that was her own attack ad against herself?

    Hopey should start making those. He can run on his record even.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wait. Christine needs 358 pages to tell us how she achieved epic failure in all aspects of her life? Shit, darling, just scrawl the word "FAIL" in magic marker on a poster board. Same message, less sacrificed trees.

  • DaRooster

    Will all of the Nutbaggers please step aside… we are tired of you ruining our country.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Sad to see another politician pulling a Weiner. Eventually, she'll admit to being a witch. And a lousy one at that, if she can't spell her way into elected office.

  • poncho_pilot

    meh. it'd be cooler if she is a witch. not that i think any religion is really more valid than any other but the variety of religions American politicians subscribe is scarcely any variety at all–uninteresting people keeping the world an uninteresting place.

    • finallyhappy

      what- Sorry but Pastafarianism is a lot more interesting and valid than Protestantism(or whatever one calls it)

      • poncho_pilot

        which politician is a Pastafarian? i need to start my own religion and run for office.

        i think Protestantism was "i'm taking my ball and going home"-ism.

    • proudgrampa

      Pastafarian / Wiccan 2012!!

      Now THAT's a ticket I could get behind!

      • Moreso than Pastafarian / Buttsechs ?

        This is Wonkette, you know.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Seems like the American people have been having lots of buttsechs these last 30 years. As "catchers."

        • zhubajie

          Buttsechs is probably how's she's kept her "virginity" all these years.

  • finallyhappy

    Barnes and Noble, 12th street, downtown DC, Thursday the 18th at 7 PM- Chrissie "kicks off' her book tour.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yay! Time to haul out the Harry Potter costume, locate my wand, and get refreshed on the old Cruciatus curse.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hope she kicks it off the 14th Street Bridge.

    • Epilady Flashmob!

    • baconzgood

      DAMN! I won't be in DC again until Friday….And I had my Gandolf costume all ready.

    • Given the apparent quality of her "book," she should kick the book tour off at a local Borders. The crowds of bargain hunters searching for deals would make it look like she has more fans.

    • SilverTsunami

      Yes, after casting a circle, saluting the four cardinal directions and dancing widdershins around the podium, Ms. O'Donnell will read from her book.

    • MissusBarry

      Are you going? We could get matching Afro wigs to affix to the mons pubis area.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    She then took off her "front end loader" and said "I am not a DitchWitch."

    • Hey!
      "Ditch Witch" was the name of one of my brothers' punk bands. Another band was "Snatch Factory." (He finally settled on "Suicide King.")

    • SilverTsunami

      Best one yet!

  • baconzgood

    Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!
    -The Crowd-

    How do you know she is a witch?
    – Sir BEDEVERE-

    • What do you do with witches?

      • GOPCrusher

        Lets make a bridge out of her!

  • Oblios_Cap

    She didn't really have sex, either. Xtine thought Puddingcup was a real doctor and was checking for genital warts.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is what happens when you tell people they can get their virginity back — they fall under the impression that everything they say or do can be fixed with a prayer and a charitable foundation that pays your rent.

  • CapeClod

    I hate it when your campaign staff consults with you on a tv ad, hires a video team to film it, preps you on how you should look, rehearses it several times to get the right tone, films it, does the post production, and then just cold puts it on air without your approval.

  • AJWjr.

    Fred Davis should really just stick with what he knows, like Demon Sheep.™

  • mavenmaven

    That media guy Frank Davis wins for best "f@#$- off" line of the day: "Christine is a colorful and interesting gal…"

    • berkeleyfarm

      Oh yeah. It's like when someone's Southern grandma says "Bless her heart."

  • Redhead

    You know, I'd actually believe that she filmed a whole tv ad without realizing what she was doing.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    People, if you show up to her book signing even in jest (there aren't enough occasions in the year to wear your Harry Potter costumes?) you'll only encourage her in thinking she can conjure any kind of following.

  • Callyson

    Sorry, Christine, but in that black jacket and white pearls, you look *exactly* like a modern day witch…

  • Come here a minute

    I think Delaware residents were more scared by Christine O. saying, "I'm you," than if she had said, "I am a witch."

  • teebob2000

    Yeah… aaand?

  • Doesn't Christine know that to get the big publicity and pageviews she need to start coughing up some Couch Kitten Photos…

  • SilverTsunami

    I thought she was full-time runner-for-office; when did she find the time to put her name on the front of a book?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Why doesn't she just wiggle her nose and make this whole witch issue go away?

  • HelmutNewton

    358 pages?!? Everybody knows teabaggers can't read anything longer than a misspelled five-word slogan that fits on a sign.

  • zhubajie

    How come she's not running for President?

  • ttommyunger

    Christine who?

  • Negropolis

    There is absolute no personal failing a Republican will take responsibility of. Personal responsibility? That's for poor, common peple.

  • BZ1

    "I'm not a witch. I'm nothing…" and "I approved this message" (should have stopped at "I'm nothing")

  • Troglodeity

    Wait … so she IS a witch?

  • politics_nerd

    Die in jail, witch.

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