Socialist government pensioners “the police” had to swing by the office of radioactive skin cancer stick John Boehner after someone spotted three rogue suitcases at the door with signs taped to the front of them saying, “jobs” and “oil” and “gas.” But, uh, NO FEAR: the sassy little Mars Rover that the Ohio bomb squad bought from some NASA Ebay auction used its “alien kill command” to blow up the suitcases, which had no explosives in them, hooray. Everyone is saved from the terror of free “jobs” and “oil,” forever. WHO PURPERTRATED THIS INFAMY?
Nobody knows! And that is the most exciting part of this mysterious “mad suitcase protest terror scare,” which is very boring but eh, we are glad nobody got hurt. There is no information in the report on whether the words “jobs” or “oil” were even spelled correctly, so we have literally nothing to go on here. Here is the video, which for some dumb reason cannot be embedded.
From the AP:
Briefcases with handwritten signs attached were left at the front door of U.S. House Speaker John Boehner’s (BAY’-nurz) Ohio office, bringing out a bomb squad.
Investigators in the Cincinnati suburb of West Chester tell multiple media outlets that the bomb squad blew the cases apart on Sunday and found they contained only papers. No one was hurt.
WCPO-TV reports the signs were on colored paper and included messages with the words “jobs,” ‘’oil” and “gas.” A West Chester officer on patrol first noticed the briefcases outside the Republican congressman’s office late Sunday morning.
Haha, BAY-nurz. We have always liked BOH-nerz better, but that is a nice, close second-place. [AP/CBS]
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Did the Boehner aides check the cases for payoffs before they called the bomb squad?
Meanwhile on the office answering machine: John, hope you got the 'delivery' we agreed on this morning. I was late for to tee off so just dropped by the door. They're clearly marked as to who paid what. Go small government!
They did. All they found was a few bottles of Bain de Soleil.
Those were in two separate cases, labelled "Liberty" and "American Freedom." The return address matched the corporate HQ of the Kochs…
Good old police, always assuming that everything is a terrorist bomb. Boo!
Yeah, I always say that if the terrorists want to paralyze NYC, all they have to do is leave a suitcase or two in Grand Central and Penn Station every few days.
Or some Adult Swim ads.
who wrote 'the moon rules #1' on my car…with a key?
We do whatever we want, to whomever we want, at all times.
To be fair, the one time they don't assume it's a bomb and it blows up, everyone will be criticizing them for not realizing it was a bomb.
Only papers? We demand flaming briefcases of poo.
Papers? Funny if it were little green pieces of paper that had Ben Franklin's face on them.
Much better results when blown up.
(BAY’-nurz)
No shit?
No BAY’-nurz were harmed in the making of this film.
That's Boehner (BOH-ner).
I swear I could have heard it pronounced (ASS-hat)
That's Boehner (Cunt)
"When two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking". That's Mrs. Elison in 3rd grade said. I'm sticking with her over this rustoleum fuckstick.
A map of America gettin' blowed up real good would have been more appropriate.
Jerbz, oyal, and gaz eh? After R2 blew them up guess John's papers ver not in order. That will not go well for him.
This disrespectful libunatic terrorist must be caught and brought to justice. By the way, libunatic, it's "jawbs, jawbs, jawbs".
Them TSA folks have got a real weird sense of humor.
What, no suitcases for Banks, Big Ag, Wall Street, Endless Wars, Bush Tax Cuts?
We are losing focus libtards…
Why didn't the police bring in their paper sniffing dogs?
If AP wants to go all Germanically correct, BEE-nur is about as close as BAY-nur.
But, as this is America, the correct exceptional pronunciation must continue to be BOH-nur.
I thought it was boo-ner, but I don't really speak zee chermin.
I was saying Boo-ner.
BEE -nurs? Better check that boy's carte verde, knowwhuttahmean?
I thought the correct pronunciation was [as-hohl].
Doh, comments separated at birth!
Most Germans would say 'eh.' As in Beh'-nur. But they do have their wacky variations in pronunciations just like us normals.
(Not intended to be a factual pronunciation)
Let me pedantically clear this up. "Boehner" is a transliteration of the original German spelling, which would be "Böhner" and is unpronounceable to most Americans. To make the correct vowel sound indicated by the o with an umlaut, say "e" and purse your lips. It almost sounds more like "beaner," which makes the Speaker's orange skin tone even more suspicious.
Um, isn't that what I said?
Indeed it was! Thus the pedantry.
Means "beans" in German. I used to call him "Beanie-wienie."
"Germanically correct" is redundant.
So now we know what the Wonkbot does in it's spare time.
Free the Wonkbot!
I haven't heard from Wonkbot in months. Did that sexual harassment suit finally go to court?
We are the sex bobombs, and we're here to make you think about death and taxes!!!
You can give it to me when I need to come along…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBbE7Ry6pPs
Give it AP. No matter how you try to tell people how to say it… Boner it is Boner it will always be.
The thin orange man by any other name would be just as dick-y.
Boners and Kochs, you'd think these people were obsessed or something.
What with the constant fear of having The Gay Agenda crammed down their throats.
It could have been worse. Boehner's clothes and personal items could have been thrown out on the lawn instead on just his suitcases.
Man, the actor that played Wall-E has certainly fallen on hard times.
I thought it was the dude from Short Circuit.
That guy got a sweet contract with Carl's Jr/Hardee's.
Number five is obliged.. to blow this shit up.
They neglected to mention that once of the cases was sent by Marcus Bachmann; it was full of "marital aids" and "unspecified lubricant."
It was marked "Marcus' Magic Suitcase".
So Santorum was in on the conspiracy too.
Man, that sounds like some awesome anime: Super Mecha Dildo-splosion
Oh, and AP? Boner is the nicest thing we call this ratfucker.
Was the paper in the suitcases Kochbucks?
No dissassemble!
too soon?
I still lurve Ally Sheedy.
who makes Steve Gutenberg a star. we dooo.
You know who else asked Who's Johnny?
this is on the soundtrack to Atlas Shrugged.
Hey-O! Hey Hey Hey-O!
Typical Liburl terrists.
If, by "terrists", you mean "epic fail", I agree this is "typical". I mean is anybody — especially Repubicans — afraid* of what the Liburl's will do?
____________________
* TP'ers are afraid of everything, so scaring them doesn't count
That's the whole point (see "Glitter Bombs").
The suticases were probably full of lobbyists' checks that they wanted Boner to pass out on the floor of the House.
Bad Boner!
And that is the most exciting part of this mysterious “mad suitcase protest terror scare,” which is very boring but eh, we are glad nobody got hurt.
Some are less glad than others. Eric Cantor, for example, was hoping for a very different outcome.
I'm pretty sure Cantor will try to spin this as an attack againt himself.
American Airlines just lost his bags and the guy that delivered them had a little fun. No big deal.
Yeah. JOBS must be a misspelled Airport Code:
OIL is Splane Memorial Airport in Pennsylvania.
GAS is Garissa, Kenya.
Research by proudgrampa, powered by GOOGLE..
Upfist for effort.
The Orange One wouldn't be caught dead on American Airlines. He flies between DC and Cincy on private jets owned by his friends. They can't do enough favors for him.
"Hey Mr. Speaker, I sure hope you got those three suitcases full of spray-tan that you said you're gonna need for the next year. You what? Oh — um — gotta go, bye."
Probably just practice for the real cases…
How much you want to bet this was the work of some wingnut teatards all pissed off about the so-called "compromise" rather than some liburlz, who at this point, can hardly be surprised at Boehner for acting like a Republican.
2%–nevar forgit!
I dunno, they spelled the words right and didn't put little plastic flags on em.
Lame…needs more molotov cocktails.
Or a Ryder truck full of fertilizer.
Too soon!
Yer Molotov cocktail doesn't really work all that well when just positioned like a flaming bag of dog poo. It needs to be broken upon impact with the desired target, so that the gasoline is ignited by the flaming rag wick and spreads quickly. It requires quite a bit of practice on the anarchist range to get this just right and not blow your own damn head off.
I'm very impressed (and glad you don't live near me) with your knowledge of flaming projectiles.
Such amateurs. If you want to pique curiosity rather than paranoid reactionary maneuvers, allow only for the first letter to be labeled on each suitcase. That way Boehner himself would have gravitated toward the desired messages by letter-association: "Golf," "Jim Beam," and "Orange you overdue for another tanning session?"
the only conclusion is that the briefcases of cash must be hand-delivered.
Rest assured knowing that whatever libtard did this, they will get a fair sentence, say 100 years in prison, plus 3 consecutive death sentences.
boiling oil.
phoeey. It's idiotic.
Imagine what they'd get in Texas if they were guilty of this (or black.)
Ha Ha if you use Google Translate to translate Boehner from German to English, it returns "Pelosi"! Get it???
http://translate.google.com/#de|en|boehner
See, now that's the work of a liberal. A sad sad liberal.
Snarfle!
While you're there, click the "listen" button .. the nice-looking blonde German lady* says it's pronounced Boo-Na.
*You can actually hear all this. Google technology is amazing.
Rated=helpful.
DId this incident cause the gubmint to raise the terrorist alert level to "orange"?
Threat Level Boehner.
Suitcases filled with nothing, just like the suits.
Little does he know of the gang of stealth Roombas survelling his every movement. All they need is an excuse.
oh i wish i could give you more 'p's' for that.
AP Reporter: "Where are you going for your vacation?"
Michelle Bachmann: "We're going to go see the Grand Prix."
AP Reporter: "Well, first off, that's not how it's pronounced."
"Crazy Eyes" does it again!
Jobs Oil & Gas sounds like Teabagger word salad to me. If this is a liberal message, can someone explain it to me? If I didn't have to spend 14 hours a day working for a living, I'd have labelled them Iraq, Torture, and Illegal Detainment, or something.
Or Faith, Hope and Charity, since they were so easily disposed of.
Ass, Grass or Gas, no one rides for free?
well it was harmless, so i'm thinking a liberal.
I'd suspect Paultards and Baggers before liberals. The drama, sad signs, (probably misspelled), and "prop-ish" nature of the whole thing points to them.
It has that "special" air about it.
When Boehner got the news, did he cry?
i always assumed it should be Böhner (think Goethe). so it would almost rhyme with "FURNER".
not Farner, as in Mark Farner.
I'm your speaker, I'm your speaker,
Though I'm looking mighty sick.
we're coming to your town.
we'll Commie party it down.
we're a house un-American band.
Up all night with Peter King
I got to tell you, poker's his thing
Booze and sunscreen, keep me right
As long as we can make it to the vote tonight
another smash hit from Rand Funk Railroad.
That's Some Kind Of Blunder, Fool.
Too bad Bachmann, Palin and Cantor weren't handcuffed to them.
*Asimov's first law of robotics does not apply since they are not human.
ooh,ooh, I met Asimov in 1975
Cool, what was he like?
After retrieving the briefcases, the robot was interviewed about working with law enforcement. "I don't want to be thought of as a troublemaker," said the robot, who asked that his serial number not be given, "but I want people to know we do this with no representation and no benefits."
Some nutjob spent years on that Oily Jobs manifesto!
I think the robots did it to show their job is important.
A little OT, but I noticed Tweety is on a rant about "robots". He is deranged, isn't he? Especially when he lamented the House of Representatives ending the high school
sex clubpage program because reps use blackberrys & iphones now.OH NO!!!!! I kept my puppies in those suitcases!!!!!
So the message from Boehner is what … no oil, no gas, and no jobs?
"There's jobs in this suitcase! Destroy it! Quick!"
"Before Obama gets credit for it!!!"
Knock knock
Who's there
RINO
RINO Who?
RINO you are but what am I?
And so begins the greatest debate in the history of Mankind. GOPeirre, because believe me, peeing air hurts.
Man-queef.
Boehner will be crying about this forever. Just like your mother-in-law does because you punched out your brother-in-law at your sister-in-law's wedding.
Suitcases full of paper? So much for those online petitions – why bother delivering them if the government is just going to blow them up?
Wonkbot's just looking out for job security
Any one who mentions Wonkbot (RIP good lil' propane can) get's a upfist from me.
seems it's taken a lot more seriously then when anthrax letters were sent to "liberals"!
Hate to think what would have happened if there would have been someone standing across the street with a AR-15 over their shoulder, a .45 on their hip, holding a sign that said "KEEP YOUR GUBMINT HANDS OFF MA MEDICARE!"
Totally OT, but Rick Perry's God dumped several inches of rain on the gays in the West Village last night. Guy's just a riot, isn't He?
I suspect the suitcase labeled 'Jobs' was a list of lobbyiests to blow…
Another example of that rampant "left-wing terrorism" the wingnuts have been frothing about!
TruckNurz!!!111!
So these guys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bda_eIX3J2Y now work for the Cincinnati PD. Great to see that they have jobs.
How does this affect Tim Pawlenty?
We must blow up those suitcases there before they blow us up here.
It wasn't yet another mail-in stunt from Red State?
They should have sent in Louie Gohmert (R – TX).
Robots are expensive.
The "R" stands for robot.
Is Boehner's office in a McMansion? What the heck kind of office has faux leaded glass on either side of a wooden door? Maybe his Ohio campaign manager took a few tips from Christine O'Donnell.
The terrrist had labeled two of the suitcases, when he was overcome by flatulence.
I, for one, am hardly surprised that Boehner mistook a briefcase labeled "jobs" for a terrorist bomb. After all, his tenure as Speaker of the House has made it clear enough that he doesn't know the meaning of that word.
BAY’-nurz? That's like pronouncing Hyacinth Bucket's last name as "Bouquet." Love that gal though.
Your move, Samsonite gorilla.
This is bad. People should not be leaving fake bombs at Boehner's place.
They blew up boxes containing papers? Why not call in a napalm run by an F35E Joint Strike Fighter? Follow up with a full spread of cruise missiles against Nancy Pelosi's office. This aggression will not stand.
I think all them planes were grounded.
First they spray Eric Cantor's office with a stray bullet, now this.
The cops must be commended for refraining from the more customary response of hosing the general neighborhood where the alleged events transpired with automatic weapons fire, killing several randmom passersby and a handful of domestic pets. Or else they should be disciplined for failing to follow protocol and perform the 'Full Faluja" treatment on the neighborhood. One or the other is in order. I can't keep up these days. In either event, I am sure they jammed all cel phones and arrested anyone taking pictures lacking in apparent esthetic value.
And you just know The Snowbilly Grifter has Tawd making up some signs and has already chosen some suitcases to put on her own front porch. Nobody puts Baby in the corner!
BAY-nurz, BOH-nurz, whatever. He will always be Boneheader to me…
Do tell.
I'm quite certain the boys in his 4th grade class called him Boner. If it was good enough for them, it's good enough for me.
A pronunciation guide–how thoughtful!
There are folks out there fresh outta J-School that would say BONERSSS without skipping a beat, and asspress doesn't want to annoy the powerful and well-to-do.
Does just anyone have access? Don't they screen ppl coming in? Who wouldn't notice someone with three suitcases coming into the House???
They weren't left at his House office, rather his local office in the Cincinnati suburb of West Chester.
Those papers were Republican ballots that were supposed to be delivered to Wisconsin for Saturday's election. Boehner shouldn't have left them on his porch.
Meanwhile Newt is sulking because no one is putting fake bombs on his doorstep.
If Cincinnati is the arm pit of the right wing in America, then the Cinti suburbs are the heart of darknes!
and still. no goddamn jetpack.
I would take exception that "No one was hurt" when you refer to anything to deal with the Bone-man…
We are excellent spellers.
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