Michele Bachmann Sucks a Footlong, Is President of Iowa

2012 Fever is on the rise in Iowa, where hollow-eyed pillhead Michele Bachmann easily took the footlong patriotic corndog of freedom and also won the Iowa "Ames Straw Poll." This is great news for America's Comedy Industry, and sad news for any liberals who hoped Barack Obama might have to move a little to the left of the Ghost of Reagan in order to win re-election. Thanks, Michele!

Here's the official news from those employees of the political media industry relegated to Iowa in August:  

Michele Bachmann narrowly won the Iowa straw poll of Republicans on Saturday in the first big test of the 2012 presidential campaign, as Texas Governor Rick Perry formally launched a White House bid that could reshape the race.

Bachmann, a representative from Minnesota, edged out Ron Paul ....

Okay, so Michele Bachmann, then Ron Paul ... this explains why Rick Perry thinks he can win, despite not even being able to get GOD to stop smiting Texas, right? [ Guardian / Reuters ]