• May 27, 2012

GOP Debate Winner Barack Obama Says No More Press Releases

by Blair Burke  8:05 pm August 12, 2011

the problem with that answer is that answerIf you watched last night’s horror movie about what will happen when the world explodes in 2012, then maybe you are thinking to yourself, “That Barack Obama, he may be a secret Muslin terrorizing the economy, but maybe he is also all right.” And that is because the Ultimate Secret to winning a GOP debate is a) not being a Republican, and/or b) not showing up at all! So it is actually a tie between Barack Obama and Rick Perry. Despite President Obama’s debate victory, he is still rather ticked off about everyone hating him and blaming him for everything. He says the problem is not America, because America is perfect, of course! He says the problem is that Congress keeps sending out press releases instead of getting actual work done, a complaint with which John Boehner disagreed, in a press release.

Barack Obama embraced the fact that he does not have to hang out at a disgusting State Fair in disgusting Iowa by taking his Batmobile to elitist New York, specifically the “home of movie producer Harvey Weinstein, where celebrities Gwyneth Paltrow and Jimmy Fallon, were among the approximately 50 guests who paid $35,800 each to attend.” Oh, fancy Obama, having dinner without corn dogs and a petting zoo, like you are “important” or something!

Obama said he told his Michigan audience that it deserves better than what it’s been getting from Washington.

“They look at what’s happening in Washington and they think these folks are really from outer space because they don’t seem to understand how critical it is for us all to work together, Republicans, Democrats, independents, in order to move this country forward,” Obama said.

“You’ve got to tell them you’ve had enough of the theatrics, you’ve had enough of the politics, stop sending out press releases. Start passing some bills that we all know will help the economy right now,” he said. “That’s what they need to do. They’ve got to hear from you.”

House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, promptly responded with a news release, calling the president’s remarks “political grandstanding” and urging him to deliver on promises to outline recommendations to rein in the nation’s deficits.

But then they hugged and made it all better and came up with new ways to make everything worse, etc. etc. [AP]

{ 192 comments }

Come here a minute August 12, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Boehner was too busy writing his press release to remember the president's ideas to reduce the deficit, ending the tax cuts for the rich and oil company subsidies, that he rejected out of hand.

Suq Madiq August 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

He wasn't writing the release. He's got a whole stack of them already written in response to whatever Barry says. They all pretty much say the same thing.

anonymousryan August 12, 2011 at 9:07 pm

I bet it's just like mad libs.

RedneckMuslin August 12, 2011 at 10:05 pm

ending the tax cuts for the "rich".

You're so 2000th. It's "job creators", grandpa.

OC_Surf_Serf August 12, 2011 at 8:10 pm

"Political Grandstanding" is an improvement over Boehner's early days of drinking Under the Grandstands.

flamingpdog August 12, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Didn't Boehner write the book, "Under the Grandstands"? No, wait, I'm confusing him with Seymour Butts.

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 12:18 am

That's when he was in the JC's, right? When the called him John Wayne Boehner.

TanzbodenKoenig August 12, 2011 at 8:12 pm

How about just say no more ridiculous bullshit?

Doktor Zoom August 12, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Bullshit–don't be ridiculous!

Biel_ze_Bubba August 12, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Obama calls for Congress to do their jobs, Boehner calls this "grandstanding."

'nuff said.

iburl August 12, 2011 at 8:16 pm

"Obama said he told his Michigan audience that it deserves better than what it’s been getting from Washington."

No shit, Sherlock, and you're Washington.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 13, 2011 at 10:32 am

The "Washington" that's doing bad things is always some other person who, like the speaker, lives in Washington or one of its dreary suburbs.

mayor_quimby August 13, 2011 at 5:42 pm

He meant CRACKER ASS washington!

gullywompr August 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

If Obama said he had cereal for breakfast, Boehner would immediately release a statement condemning his grandstanding.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 9:03 pm

AND weep for ten whole minutes at a press conference. I just keep reminding myself that, as Speaker of the House, Pelosi shepherded 300+ bills through that body. Boner's accomplishment so far? TWELVE bills. Twelve. I can count that high, and I don't even have to take my pants off. Sounds like the Teatards will be getting rid of Cryin' John as soon as they can, although I shudder to think what they'll replace him with.

Callyson August 12, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Boner's accomplishment so far? TWELVE bills.
Then again, do we really want Boneheader to be productive?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Excellent point. There was a time when Bonedickdumb was just the conduit for better minds to push whatever they wanted. Alas, there are now no better minds. Frightful thought. Back to drinking tout-suite, I'm afraid.

tejanojim August 15, 2011 at 12:02 am

Is Tout-Suite another name for French prison wine? If so, do you have enough to share?

MrFizzy August 13, 2011 at 11:13 am

We'll be looking at Cantor (Mussoliniberg) for a long time to come. He has the hard-heartedness and a lack of conscience to be the flag-bearer for the GOP.

PristinePantalones August 13, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Here's hoping the teagaggers split down the middle on that one and bring all their ugly, racist, anti-Semitic vitriol to the fore.

Radiotherapy® August 12, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Especially if it was this cereal.

gullywompr August 12, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Here's Boehner's breakfast of choice.

And Santorum's.

reliefsinn August 13, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Yikes, with his crazy, vacant star and vacuous simile, who does that clown remind you of?

AJWjr. August 12, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Colon Blow ftw.

UW8316154 August 13, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Nevah forget!!1!!

flamingpdog August 12, 2011 at 11:35 pm
finallyhappy August 13, 2011 at 12:28 pm

needs moar crazy eyes

not that Dewey August 13, 2011 at 12:02 am
user-of-owls August 13, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Interesting story: they had an even more limited run of this theme that was only distributed in San Francisco, Key West and Provincetown called, "OOPS! All Fairies!"

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 8:46 pm

During that payaso roundtable the other night, they drifted a little off course on their unrelenting hate and resentment focus. For example when Huntsman mentioned the EPA's "reign of terror" or the "shoe bomber." Quickly, however, T-Paw the Attack Turtle (h/t to Nostrildamus) or Newt was quick to redirect the execration, "OOPS, All Barry!"

PristinePantalones August 15, 2011 at 12:35 am

I resemble that remark. And I'm furious that no one told me I could get a cereal made *just* for me.

user-of-owls August 13, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Interesting story: a number of years back, a group of bioweapon researchers needed a sort of Whitman's Sampler of various nasty pathogens to conduct tests on, When the order finally arrived, the lead investigator opened the carton and snarled, "OOPS! All Beri-Beris!"

not that Dewey August 16, 2011 at 12:48 am

I like the way you tied in the thiamine-deficiency. Tres complète.

user-of-owls August 13, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Interesting D-Day story: during the initial assault, a special wave of SAS paratroopers were inserted into a town that intel said was swarming with macquis waiting to make contact.
Frustrated by the lack of contact after the presumed landed time, the airborne controller broke radio silence and demanded to know if the SAS chaps had found the Resistance. The notoriously stoic Squad Commander Nigel Rafington-Thropshire carefully tapped out his telegraphic reply:

"OOPS! All Gerries!:

user-of-owls August 13, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Real funny story: I was traveling around the US Southwest a couple years ago with a good buddy who is a pretty manic adrenalin junky. We stumbled on a place he'd found in a guide book for extreme jumpers and in no time he'd torn into the place all jacked up about some crazy BASE jumping. I stayed in the jeep and rolled a spliff. When he finally came out, he looked seriously bummed out. "What's wrong compa?" "I shoulda read the damn guide more closely, when I asked the dude about BASE stuff he shrugged and said, "OOPS! Only Bungees!:

user-of-owls August 13, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Deficit debate interesting story: As staff increasingly occupied their offices on a virtually 2/7 basis, the cleaning staff became accustomed to growing levels of pungent stench emanating from said offices. They became particularly alarmed, though, when the reak from the GOP offices seemed to transcend any conceivable level produced by unwashed clothes, rotting food, steaming piles of 'policy talking points," etc. Finally the convinced the Sargeant at Arms to open the door, the crowd fully expecting the discovery of a festering corpse. But after a quick glance and quicker still slamming the door back shut, the Sergeant reported, "OOPS! Only Dysentery."

not that Dewey August 13, 2011 at 4:22 pm

HA!

I'm taking Mrs and Little Susie Dewey to a motel about six blocks from here for a "vacation", hotel-camping being the new, post-debt-ceiling glamping. We drove our hoverrounds to the lobby, and proceeded to our rooms before taking a dip in the generous germ-incubator/pool and recreation center. My trusty hoverround turned the corner to the elevator vestibule and OOPS! ALL STAIRS.

MrFizzy August 13, 2011 at 11:10 am

He's only playing to his audience of mindless, Oprah-watching, southern and midwestern drones. Repubelickins are very, very good at reinforcing beliefs through simple repetition. With such an ignorant population in this country is it any wonder we're circling the drain?

GuanoFaucet August 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

It's a wonder anyone can read Boehner's press releases through all of the tear stains and whiskey splotches.

TanzbodenKoenig August 12, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Sounds like my resume…

Callyson August 12, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Dammit, I thought mine was distinctive…

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm

And the thin grease splotches of his Insta-Spray tan.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 12, 2011 at 8:23 pm

This is the Republican Strategy:
http://www.theonion.com/video/gop-supports-obama-...

BlueStateLibel August 12, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Surely The Onion now gets it much-deserved Pulitzer for that beauty.

JoshuaNorton August 12, 2011 at 8:23 pm

he is still rather ticked off about everyone hating him and blaming him for everything.

But on the bright side, he has the cleanest clock in town.

mourningnmerica August 12, 2011 at 11:59 pm

And don't worry about if getting dusty any time soon. Next up, we have our 6 to 6 tie in the Super Congress. Dems say yes to everything except eliminating food stamps for children, yet the Republicans refuse. Barack then promises to get tax increases "Next time… honest".
What a frickin' stooge our President turned out to be. I guess we are NOT really who we are waiting for. Hillz would beaten their dwarf asses. Damn.

LetUsBray August 13, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Like she beat Cowboy Caligula's ass on his war of choice against Iraq? Democrats cave. it's what they do.

ProudLibunatic August 13, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Yes, Hillary would've kicked some ass!
I know that many considered her too conservative, (I'm looking at my husband and daughter), but she is TOUGH.
Enough is enough with this capitulating crap!

user-of-owls August 12, 2011 at 8:28 pm

I've begun conceptualizing the phrase 'press release' as an actual physiological reaction by a member of the media to Burrito Blast Friday in the WH briefing room.

Which, if you think about it, would smell no worse and be much more substantive than the traditionally defined ones.

nounverb911 August 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm

"and urging him to deliver on promises to outline recommendations to rein in the nation’s deficits."
And where are the jobs you promised Bonerhead?

LetUsBray August 13, 2011 at 6:55 pm

"A million jobs lost? So be it."

Negropolis August 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm

He came all the way up here to lowly Michigan, the other day, a state now totally being dismantled by Republicans, and couldn't bring himself to say the word "Republican" once. It's time for people to start taking off the gloves and calling ducks for what they are. This "Congress" is not working because it's being perpetually sabotaged by, what, a mere 10%-15% of its members at the moment.

Look at this, Boehner is already calling this playing politics and the president even say "Republicans", so why the fuck not just call out the actual offenders? This is what I don't get. They've literally called you every name and slur in the playbook; showing restraint is just plain stupid.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 12, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Corporate Democrats will never hate corporate Republicans as much as they hate their own voters.
~

Negropolis August 12, 2011 at 8:51 pm

You keep up with that kind of truth, and you're going to make me cry.

donner_froh August 12, 2011 at 8:56 pm

The President is being too Presidential.

Harry Truman ran against the GOP and the "do nothing Congress".

From a speech: "The Republican party stands, and always has stood, for special interests. They have proved that conclusively in the record that they made in this "do-nothing" Congress. "
http://speeches-usa.com/Resources-2/053_truman.ht...

Radiotherapy® August 12, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Hiroshima and Nagasaki, now that was something. Makes whacking ol' what's his name seem like a parking ticket.

AJWjr. August 12, 2011 at 9:39 pm
archikvetch August 12, 2011 at 11:12 pm

I heart this song

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 12:28 am

Ultimato Rad Boy!

flamingpdog August 12, 2011 at 11:46 pm

"Mister, we could use a man like Franklin Roosevelt again."

Negropolis August 13, 2011 at 1:03 am

"The Republican party stands, and always has stood, for special interests. They have proved that conclusively in the record that they made in this "do-nothing" Congress. "

You see that? Truman applied some agency, there. The president needs to say that it is the tea party Republicans jamming up the Congress. He needs to make this crystal clear over and over and over again, or else he's unwittingly making it look like he and his allies are part of the willfull obstruction.

fuflans August 13, 2011 at 12:14 am

well for what it's worth, i've been saying it nonstop:

america is broken b/c of republicans. the global economy has been held hostage by a batshit group of rabid old white people with no coherent ideology and a fundamental misunderstanding of the role of government, the constitution and the founding fathers.

this really pisses off my family.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 13, 2011 at 5:10 am

At the risk of being a boring didact (shit, risk? who am I kidding)

The ideology is self-referential. For whatever economic bullshit is the claim, it often seems to come down to the Lee Atwater strategy. Yes, I know this is playing the race card, but hell – I honestly think that in a lot of peoples' minds that destroying social security means doing over the negros. It's been a strategy of the GOP since before I was even born. Done to get votes.

No, coherent ideology is definitely false. It's a malleable flux of an ideology which adapts to whichever situation it finds itself in. Of course, the endgame and thrust of the ideology is simple – enrich the richest, since they're the families who should have the most say in governance. They're rich, so they know best. Jefferson fought against this shit.

As an example, when FDR implemented the New Deal, there was an attempted coup against him. Our old chum Prescott Bush was part of that. Apparently it would destroy business. Facts, naturally, indicate this isn't the case, but facts have a liberal bias.

I honestly detest these pig-ignorant fucks with no knowledge of even their own country's history.

glamourdammerung August 13, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Remember when you could point out racists doing racist crap without them trying to cry about some imaginary "race card"? Seriously, could you see Hitler or David Duke whining about race cards?

KenLayIsAlive August 13, 2011 at 1:51 am

exactly. Goddamn.

If you can't see what has happened in Michigan and say "who caused this, and what are we going to do to them?" you really are hopeless.

Touring a lonely battery factory which probably employs 1/10th of the people a similar endeavor would have 40 years ago. You can't put America back on track just with this. America isn't going to "invent" our way out of this mess. We have to get ahold of ourselves. We're coming apart at the seams not because we're lazy or stupid or our country is fundamentally broken, but because there the most powerful segment of our society is taking everything for themselves and our democracy is so broken that not even our collective will can stop them. And the more powerful these fuckers get, the worse off everyone else will be.

And Barry just cannot make that case. He keeps keeps peddling that neoliberal global competitiveness horseshit like it's 1992. Wake the fuck up.

We don't have an economic problem, we have a greedy, powerful, sociopaths problem.

Negropolis August 13, 2011 at 3:39 am

Wake the fuck up.

That is all that I want. Actually, let me rephrase that, that is the start of what I want. We are literally dying, up here, and he's touring battery plants up here, again. We literally lost a million jobs over the decade, and we're fighting for our literal survival. We need more than this. We need at the very least to pretend that he's really fighting. We need him to throw everything at the wall that he possibly can to see what sticks.

Where is his sense of urgency? Because of the Republians ideology, here, and their complete death grip on our state government (they control EVERY apparatus of state government at the moment), we're about to throw tens-of-fucking-thousands of students and other poor people off food assistence, even more off of welfare. What tiny bit of recovery we've made here will be wiped out in full in the next coming months, and we need this fucker to FIGHT for us. God, if only to pretend. I'm honestly so exasperated I don't know what to do.

I just don't get why the Dems don't get that Michigan isn't any long just America's "worst case scenario". This rusty fucker I live in is ther NEXT CASE SCENARIO. Michigan is the best cautionary tale of the rich forseeing the fall of the economy (mostly because they helped cause it), and then pulling up the social safety ladder while everyone else at the bottom drowned when the tsunami came in. After that, they left the ship, altogether.

Post-Industrial Michigan: coming to a neighborhood near you. For real. No shit. Wake the fuck up, NOW.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 13, 2011 at 4:40 am

This is an adjunct to Negropolis' reply.

America isn't going to "invent" our way out of this mess. We have to get ahold of ourselves. We're coming apart at the seams not because we're lazy or stupid or our country is fundamentally broken, but because there the most powerful segment of our society is taking everything for themselves

America hasn't lost its fundamental ability to think beyond now. That sounds like a specious soundbite, but of all the countries I've seen, America has something special – a real "can do" attitude which is missing in European countries as a societal driver.

However, America has fucked itself. For a country which can churn out thinkers, inventors and innovators, its first reaction is to fuck them over.

I'll quantify that, as it's a sweeping statement. Unless you're damn fucking lucky, you're not starting some bullshit like Groupon or whatever. Let's say you're a particularly good electronics engineer. Not stellar, but very very good. What are your choices? Intel would be nice. Now you're making a decent middle-class salary, very decent middle-class salary. Same goes for English (want a job at the New Yorker?) or whatever.

Unless you're in the top 2%, middle-class salaries, even the top of field salaries have been flat adjusted for inflation. Unless you either get very lucky or you've been born rich or have family contacts, you're pretty much fucked … unless you're lucky.

Was there a time when a talented young gun could rise from the ranks to be a captain of industry? Yes, and I expect it's still so, but far, far less likely than ever before. Can Billy PhD leverage his inventions to become rich? Very rare, since your inventions are the property of the company which (who? – depends if you're Malt Ramley) employs you, and they'll take that, thanks Billy. Here's your 5K bonus.

One of the problems I see is the truly vicious exploitation of not just the low-end workers, but the talented people. People who have spent shit-tons on their education and find themselves at the beck and call of shareholder-profit-driven corps, whereby the intention has to be maximization of profit for the minimum benefit to the employee.

Is this a screed against Capitalism? No, not as such. Tempered capitalism is massively beneficial to society, but it's that tempering which makes it the best system we have. Yes, make money, but you're sure as fuck giving back to society when you do – you don't live in a vacuum. How this solves the problem of the Smarts getting fucked in companies I don't know. Better fostering of smaller businesses rather than bending over to the large would be a fantastic start.

Anyway, my boring $.02

Mumbletypeg August 13, 2011 at 5:03 pm

No, not boring – - this is the only comment I've felt compelled to reply.

America hasn't lost its fundamental ability to think beyond now.

Hell, we haven't even mastered the art of learning from hindsight much less held on to our foresight. See NCLB for pitiful examples of leaders' inability to think through the implications of flawed policy let alone grapple with the evidence of how flawed it is.
No amount of can-do willingness or grasp of the legacy of failure that's unfolding — each crucial to powering the engine toward realizing one's goals — can function in a climate of denial. It's that precisely dysfunctional aspect of our nation's mindset that sets us apart from the other countries, IMO, where in the face of our potential, and on the shoulders of those great thinkers and forerunners in innovation and techno-savvy, we totter to the brink of embarrassing levels of failure in the eyes of our earlier heroes *and* our upcoming generation who, if their minds aren't deadened by the wilted excuse of educational offerings, will easily look back and compare & contrast.
Your mention of the feeble rewards available to well-equipped, exceptionally trained &/or remarkably gifted trailblazers, problem-solvers & entrepreneurs is exactly what I've been reading about and it reflects a glare in my already-jaundiced eye. What's obvious to us, seems lost on the bulk of those in this culture of denial — what I'm waiting for is the other shoe to drop or for those affected thusly, in enough numbers, to route this malaise in a demonstrable collective reaction, somehow, I don't know how.

comrad_darkness August 13, 2011 at 10:57 am

Jesus, this is so coherent it hurts my brain this morning.

bumfug August 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm

I would, however, like to watch Gwyneth Paltrow eat a deep-fried stick of butter.

Negropolis August 12, 2011 at 8:54 pm

You'll be waiting forever, then, because Gweeny is like an arch-militant vegan, I'm pretty sure. I forget what late-night show it was on, but she was asked about taking her kids to McDonald's, and she nearly had the vapors at even hearing about such an act as if it was tantamount to child abuse. She's the worst kind of Hollywood stereotype conservatives like to work themselves up over.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 9:06 pm

The fact that she's a blithering idiot (unlike her mother, who is both beautiful *and* intelligent) doesn't help in the least.

Limeylizzie August 13, 2011 at 7:58 am

I love you now, I despise Gwynnie she is such an overrated actress and that simpering smile is repulsive, however Blyther Danner is lovely, except for her recent performance in "Suddenly, Last Summer" which was horrible.

PristinePantalones August 13, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I'm going to keep despising Gwynnie, just to hear that again. Srsly, tho, I've never considered her an "actress." More like a "placeholder blonde." I guess Hollywood needs them. I haven't seen Danner in anything recent, but she, at least, earned her chops. But, what would I know? I think Isabelle Huppert is a fabulous actress (so what if she's as crazy as a loon?).

not that Dewey August 13, 2011 at 8:59 am

Apart from Margot Tennenbaum, Gwyneth hasn't done much that I would want to watch again. (She was harmless, and not-too-annoying, as Tracy Mills in Se7en.)

BTWBFDIMHO August 13, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Or the cucumber?

x111e7thst August 12, 2011 at 8:35 pm

It is true that Barry is not doing nearly as much as Boehner to create new jobs in the tanning industry.

Geminisunmars August 13, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Well, Barry just isn't that much into leather.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 12, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Rick Perry and Obama were the winners, and that's a fact.

But let's not forget about Rick Parry!
~

Come here a minute August 12, 2011 at 9:02 pm

With an A for anencephalic.

hollywooddood August 12, 2011 at 10:15 pm

I just can't wrap my head around the possibility of America electing another low intelligence Texan who thinks God talks to him.

flamingpdog August 12, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Wrap your head around the fact that at least 25 percent of Americans would rather have a deep-fried stick of butter sitting behind the big desk in the Oval Office than any African-American.

Barb August 12, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Palin tells media in Iowa: "You guys didn't do a good enough job vetting Barack Obama."
Jesus, McCain spent 47 WHOLE minutes speaking to her before he chose her.

BlueStateLibel August 12, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Or, to put it another way, I'd wager Eliot Spitzer spent more time vetting Ashley than that.

Barb August 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm

I don't think that she gets it. She was chosen because she is a woman and McCain thought that the Hillary voters would just cave in once they saw her.

I'm starting to think that she isn't thinking about a run for POTUS. I think she is bucking to be the VEEP for someone.

Steverino247 August 12, 2011 at 9:08 pm

And she wants to be the VEEP for someone she gets to pick for the POTUS, too.

Radiotherapy® August 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm

She also dragged the Dobson Family Values Dominionists into the camp. And they make teabaggers look like vegan ACLU supporters. That's why TRIsomyG was such an important prop.

AJWjr. August 12, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Sideshow $arah will never be more than just that.

DahBoner August 12, 2011 at 10:48 pm

How's Carnival Barker Trump lately?

CrunchyKnee August 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm

At least she had some whore diamonds and what not.

comrad_darkness August 13, 2011 at 10:53 am

I would volunteer a hundred hours a week for the Ashley 2012 campaign if it were her against Palin. (well, admittedly, what man wouldn't?)

fuflans August 13, 2011 at 12:19 am

well to fair, the media didn't vet him all that well.

but harvard did.

tribbzthesquidz August 13, 2011 at 2:04 am

Jeez Louise. He's only the most vetted human of all time. Ever.

donner_froh August 13, 2011 at 12:40 pm

While neither the media nor John McCain vetted Her Divine Sarahness, don't forget that Wonkette was all over the (then) MILFy Alaskan Governor before anyone else had even heard of her.

DerrickWildcat August 12, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Gwyneth Paltrow does not eat food or anything so she could help Michelle keep kids from getting fat! I do not know what Jimmy Fallon eats or does not eat so I don't know if he can help Michelle.

Ken Cuccinelli August 12, 2011 at 8:56 pm

So it is actually a tie between Barack Obama and Rick Perry.

Yeah, see, this is the nightmare scenario.

widget2011 August 12, 2011 at 8:58 pm

“They look at what’s happening in Washington and they think these folks are really from outer space." You mean they are not? I think it's about time we call out men in black,to get these reptillian assholes rounded up & sent back to their home planets, in the Andromada galaxy.

HistoriCat August 12, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Finish the danged space fence force field!

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 12:05 am

Do secret black-op operations get axed in the smug, self-assurred Ryan program or "cut, crap, and balance?

widget2011 August 13, 2011 at 6:37 am

No fucking chance of that! Well, if the term "balance" is used same context of the "Fixed Noise" GOPTV propaganda machine, then I think that inane statement translates to cut (farts), crap (your pants) & fairly (unbalanced). On a more serious note, this translates, in my mind, to cut (any programs that that benefit "We the People") crap (on any ideas that Obamer, or any other Democrat for that matter, that might have the possiblity of creating even 1 more job. Finally, balance the deficit, which either does not exist, or does not matter (according to Grover Norquist (R)-Etard), on the backs of the people who can lease afford it. And, to put the "icing on the cake" lower the top tax rate on the top "earners" and corporations to 10%, if not lower, that would fit the Republican word use of the term "balance". My term for that is piracy.

I dare you to argue with a mouth breather about deficits!

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 12:06 am

That's the "Northern Fence" were talking about, right?

BarackMyWorld August 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm

House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, promptly responded with a news release…

"I don't go to where you're working and slap the cock out of your mouth," responded Obama.

CrunchyKnee August 12, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Boehner, R-Ohio, haha, you said Boehner, R-Ohio.

Sure, I went for the cheap joke, but we live in cheap times.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 12, 2011 at 9:11 pm

From the desk of John Boehner, Speaker of the House and leader of the Obstructive Tangerine Caucus

For Immediate Release

Clarification: The previous press release was not a press release, rather it was an Information Missive Intended For Publication regarding grandstanding by the President whereby he has claimed that all we do is send out press releases.

Furthermore, this clarification is not a press release, but rather a Clarification Explanation Intended For Publication.

Yours in Whisky,

John "The Fighting Tears" Boehner

PS it wasn't a cock, it was a Koch

flamingpdog August 12, 2011 at 11:55 pm

This was not intended to be a factual press release.

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 12:16 am

Edit: It's Whiskey, not Whisky.
And, oftentimes a lot of whiskey can make Radios cry.
I know nothing of this cock, Koch, caucus of which you speak.
Gurgle, glluummp, gurgle, goes a bottle of Bushmills.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 13, 2011 at 12:30 am

It's Whisky if it's from Scotland, rather than that Mick filth*.

Well, whichever it is, it's usually fightin' juice.

* not intended to be a serious slur

comrad_darkness August 13, 2011 at 10:49 am

This very touchy argument is the reason I spell it whiske?y

Of course, I'm a nerd.

(whisk.y would also work, but it looks like the name of the drunken branch of lulzsec.)

Callyson August 12, 2011 at 9:12 pm

The $35,800 admission price is the legal maximum donation per person. Obama's campaign keeps $5,000 and the Democratic National Committee pockets the remaining $30,800
Woo hoo–the "no lady" Debbie Wasserman Schultz gets a payday! Allen West is losing his shit as we speak!

AJWjr. August 12, 2011 at 9:47 pm

That's what fucking kills me–they spend more on dinner than I have to live on for a whole year.

KenLayIsAlive August 13, 2011 at 1:39 am

america. fuck. yeeeah?

flamingpdog August 13, 2011 at 12:00 am

Unfortunately, so do the remaining Blue Dog Dems along with other corporate-cock-sucking Dems. How about Gwyneth and Jimmy spending a little time on the intertubes and finding populist Dems to give their $35.8 k to.

Oh, and I just lurved her mom when I was a kiddo. Sigh.

genxr August 13, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Why not just create a corporation while serving appetizers, and then dissolve it after dessert? Problem solved!

pinkocommi August 12, 2011 at 9:30 pm

No amount of press releases will ever get through to Congresspeople that they are jackasses for sending out so many press releases, much less for the substantive content of those press releases.

No amount of speeches will ever get through to Congresspeople that they are jackasses for giving so many speeches, much less for the substantive content of those speeches.

No amount of press conferences will ever get through to Congresspeople that they are jackasses for holding so many press conferences, much less for the substantive content of those press conferences.

Etc….

This is a fun game. Go ahead. Give it a go.

Beowoof August 12, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Ah fuck it I am going to uncork some more red wine.

DahBoner August 12, 2011 at 10:42 pm

You can afford to drink wine with corks in the bottle?

Fukui_sanYesOta August 12, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Damn liberal elites. S/he probably eats cheese which isn't orange.

HistoriCat August 12, 2011 at 11:08 pm

If it comes out of a can it should be orange. If it comes in a slice it should be American cheese damn it! Why do you hate America?

archikvetch August 12, 2011 at 11:21 pm

I'm digging around in my sock drawer for something a bit more, well, you know…

Sharkey August 13, 2011 at 11:26 am

Psychedelic?

JoshuaNorton August 13, 2011 at 5:06 pm

If you're just going for volume, a box is easier to deal with.

arihaya August 12, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Barry should've invited Boehner, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry to the White House Ramadan dinner last Wednesday

just to piss them off

Radiotherapy® August 12, 2011 at 9:56 pm

I'll bet they don't like fast food!

Nostrildamus August 13, 2011 at 2:56 am

a la Xenophon:

…Tissaphernes was sent, as an emissary of the king, to offer a truce and safe conduct home. After the Greeks accepted, Tissaphernes invited all the Greek Generals to a dinner to “dispel their mutual suspicion.'' He used the opportunity to kidnap, torture and kill the entire Greek General Staff. …

poorgradstudent August 12, 2011 at 10:18 pm

To be fair, I think by this point even Washington agrees that naked reality is just too damn depressing.

DahBoner August 12, 2011 at 11:19 pm

I heard that Obama is going to release a new jobs initiative each week, upon which he should rub Boner's nose in it.

House training Teabaggers iz hard wurk!

peaceocrap August 12, 2011 at 11:56 pm

And then Obama caved.

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 11:08 am

Jay Carney likes to call it exoskeleton adjustment.

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 12:01 am

He also delivered this message with a teleprompter.

Negropolis August 13, 2011 at 3:30 am

You really didn't just do that, did you? Firedoglake is that way, buddy. There are plenty of pithy memes to milk about the president to resort to the PUMA-encrusted bullshit "teleprompter" one.

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 7:30 am

At least they can't go after him for lack of a flag pin.

fuflans August 13, 2011 at 12:27 am

you know how at the end of 'team america' kim jong il turns into a cockroach?

that's what i think happens when republicans slither home.

orygoon August 13, 2011 at 1:06 am

I'm about ready to elect a President For Life–not fetus-life, but MY life. I can't stand the horrors of our regular, gothically awful polit-dances and campaigns and debates and speeches and insults and poo-slinging. Those debates with Tancredo and DuncanHunter and oh, that Ron Paul guy, and Huckabee and that 9/11 guy are still burned into my soul, and the horror of thinking that one of them, or Fred Thompson, would rule us all. The hyperventilating ghastliness of this, repeated month after month, and then it's not really over, because it's perpetual poo-slinging so that you can try to beat the crap out of the guy, or his vice president or whatever, NEXT time (or win with a not-too-unreasonable number of stolen votes); it is just more than we should be made to bear..

It finally dawned on us, nationally, that this setup is "dysfunctional". Fucking DO something about it before I have my 100th birthday, okay? Somebody? Find the however-many-greats-grandchildren of Ben Franklin and John Adams and Tom Jefferson and put them in a room and make them design a better system. Do something! and soon!

snoopyfan2010 August 13, 2011 at 11:52 am

Yes, I thought the same thing too. They don't govern, they campaign. But it's our fault for falling for it.

Toomush_Infer August 14, 2011 at 9:14 am

Actually, campaigning is, and always was, intended to be our most important function of government…the founding fathers intended it for the burgeoning numbers of asshats increasingly occupying America…the problem is not campaigning – it's electing!…the faulty area of those eminent father-figures was in giving people such long periods to serve – they didn't foresee the speed of modern life. This is the reason I'm fighting for a new constitutional amendment to limit congressional representatives to 15 minute terms and senators to 20 minutes…this way, campaigning can still serve the same media purpose ($), while keeping these fools from doing anything….

KenLayIsAlive August 13, 2011 at 1:37 am

approximately 50 guests who paid $35,800 each to attend

ugh.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 13, 2011 at 4:54 am

You say "ugh" until you realize that the alternative is Perry.

Let him fundraise. Far rather our irritatingly not-as-progressive-as-we-wanted President than Rick Parry or whatever. The alternative is unconscionable.

not that Dewey August 13, 2011 at 8:55 am

I read the "ugh" as meaning "great. now the right-wing noise machine has another example of Barry yukking it up with black-tie hollywood effetes that they can use to counter-fundraise". Or, that way my reaction anyway.

Back to you, Ken.

KenLayIsAlive August 13, 2011 at 10:27 am

A little of both. A little for the RW reaction, a little for the fact that this is even part of our political process, a little for the fact that a professional clown like Jimmy Fallon has the president's ear while millions of working people clearly do not. A little for the fact that this is "how its done today". A little for the fact that, for all the effort and cash that will go into his campaign, hardly any legislation or repair of the country will come out.

I'm so sick of this shit.

not that Dewey August 13, 2011 at 12:02 pm

esp the Jimmy Fallon thing. I like to think that there are times when the President is spending time thinking about working-class issues, but that these times don't involve Jimmy Fallon or Gwyneth Paltrow and therefore simply aren't covered my the press because they're not star-studded and don't involve RW talking-points or simplistic either/or analyses.

But I know that's just wishful thinking.

So, ugh.

donner_froh August 13, 2011 at 12:34 pm

The $38,500 per ticket must be because of some arcane work-around of Federal campaign finance law but it wouldn't surprise me if it were the product of triangulating what would look impressive (but not too impressive) in the press with what Harvey Weinstein's invitees were willing to pay (more than for the Dalai Lama, less than for Kate Middleton) plus who was in town.

imissopus August 13, 2011 at 1:45 pm

$35,800 is the maximum individual donation you can give in an election year. The Obama campaign can get $2500 per person for the primary season and $2500 for the general, and the remaining $30,800 goes to the DNC – it's the maximum an individual can give to a campaign committee in a calendar year.

KenLayIsAlive August 13, 2011 at 2:55 pm

$35,800 is the maximum individual donation you can give in an election year.

That works out, because it would take me about a year to earn that much.

TanzbodenKoenig August 13, 2011 at 2:32 am

You may say I'm a dreamer..

UW8316154 August 13, 2011 at 1:17 pm

…but I'm not the only one…

gurukalehuru August 13, 2011 at 3:15 am

So, the dinner netted 1.5 million. But, Gwyneth Paltrow was there, which is the whole point.

comrad_darkness August 13, 2011 at 10:46 am

There is a really good way to reduce deficits but the five year olds in charge of the republican party think the fairy godmother will wave her pumpkin wand and give them funding for endless wars and corporate socialism for frees! foreverz!

donner_froh August 13, 2011 at 12:23 pm

It is comforting to know that while the world economy collapses into an endless abyss of slavery and the murderous regime of kleptocrats in Afghanistan prepares to surrender to the Taliban that the leaders of the country are able to play word games about meaningless bullshit.

weejee August 13, 2011 at 1:22 pm

While the US Constitution is listing badly after colliding with the latest Wall Street bubble burst and Rethuglican kabuki theater, the band is playing and the the Teatards gaily proudly singing God Save the Queen the Star Spangled Bananaer for America Haz Talent. Meanwhile, Barry is collecting bags of political Cheetos from the Bollywood Hollywood lefty elites.

Might think about sending yer kids to high intensity Chinese schools.

flamingpdog August 13, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I believe that's the Star Spangled Boehner they be singing there.

BlueStateLibel August 13, 2011 at 3:56 pm

And now watch the our vile plutocrats commander the last few lifeboats: rich ugly old white guys first!

AJWjr. August 13, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Can't I pretend to be rich and old? I've got ugly down pat.

Blendergoathead August 13, 2011 at 2:05 pm

With all due respect… I'm really starting to believe that Obama is just as naive, clueless, and downright stupid as everyone else I've ever met that went to Harvard, just without the pedigree.

Papa_Uniform August 13, 2011 at 3:44 pm

$35.8k to attend this dinner? Yep, that's really in touch with the peeples.

randcoolcatdaddy August 13, 2011 at 3:49 pm

"Obama said he told his Michigan audience that it deserves better than what it’s been getting from Washington."

I agree. Can we get FDR to run in 2012?

ttommyunger August 13, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I expected you to play the game, Barry. I knew you were a Chicago Politician. I didn't expect you to get on your knees for McConnell and Boehner. If you are playing rope-a-dope, its close to nut-cutting time.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 13, 2011 at 4:17 pm

For a little relief, here's your weekend Moment of Marcus.
~

ProgressiveInga August 13, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Oh my. I got nuthin' to say but,……. er,……um,…… eh,…..thanks?

Hurricane Ali August 13, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Not sure what's going on in that picture but here are a couple of possibilities:

"No, Shell! I told you deep-fried Snickers bars go right to my ass!"

"Is that a 10-inch corn dog in your hand or are you happy to see me?"

Come here a minute August 13, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Oh, man, they're good — here's some Santorum.

Hurricane Ali August 13, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Has anyone suggested a post on the Ames Straw Poll? The results will be in after 6pm. You know, sort of break up the usual slow weekend on Wonkette. Just a suggestion!

Walkinwiddaking August 13, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Bottom line. If you ain't rich, you, as a citizen of this democratic country is royally fucked.

AJWjr. August 13, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Yeah, so–is Miche1e preznit of Iowa yet?
The elaborate event even had a yellow blimp with the words "Bachmann" in red across it.
Blimp Libel!

FakaktaSouth August 13, 2011 at 6:41 pm

I have been lying in bed sick with a head cold, drinking nyquil and watching the msnbc. This is fucking crazy. No Iowa results yet, but according to everybody, Rick Perry is the new President. No election needed…wait, here it comes…the big announce…

Haha it was 16K + Iowans votin, Miche1e won…

Perry/Bachmann? Good lord.

AJWjr. August 13, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Damn, I thought MSNBC was all prison all the time on weekends?
Hope you're feeling better.
Nyquil good.

FakaktaSouth August 13, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Nice! My new theme song. I feel pretty all right abt now.

There's another hour plus of Chuck Todd to go. I may flip out before that. Paul was second, and the Paultards yelled all mad like – as always – and Paaawlenty was 3rd. I'm waiting to see how many PArry with an A for America write in votes there were…

Santorum 4th. Ew. Iowan Rs are weird.

Come here a minute August 13, 2011 at 6:35 pm

FWIW (nothing), the Iowa straw pole wiener is Bachmann.

Bachmann 28.5%
Paul 27.6%
Pawlenty 13.6%
Santorum 9.8%
Cain 8.6%.

cheetojeebus August 13, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Clearly Iowa is the wading section of the gene pool.

johnnyzhivago August 13, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Mudfight with Sarah Palin at 11:00!!!!!!!!!!

BlueStateLibel August 13, 2011 at 7:07 pm

So Mittens gets no votes at all? Where are his corporation friends when he needs them?

Hurricane Ali August 13, 2011 at 7:32 pm

That's too bad – was hoping presidential candidate Rick Parry would make a dent.

weejee August 13, 2011 at 8:45 pm

Tim Pawlenty: Alex can I have Bread Products for $250?
Alex Trebek: Small electric kitchen appliances are used to prepare this breakfast staple.
TPaw: What is toast?

Carrabuda August 13, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Interesting (to me) that Paul was within a percentage pt of Bachmann while also drawing *more than twice* the number who voted for T-Paw.

Chet Kincaid August 13, 2011 at 10:45 pm

In summary then, Barack Obama is a naive, clueless stooge, a liar, a disgusting procurer of filthy Hollywood money with a burning hatred of his own supporters, and a Boehner cocksucker who is half the man Hillary Clinton is. He would lose to FDR in the 40 yard dash, and is too chickenshit to drop the atomic bomb on Republicans like Harry Truman.

Negropolis August 13, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Where is my World's Tiniest Violin, and when I'm able to find it, does anyone here know how to play it? Thanks in advance.

Chet Kincaid August 13, 2011 at 11:33 pm
KenLayIsAlive August 14, 2011 at 10:22 am

Hey, check it out Chet: The President is "debating" a "fight" on the economy! He is said to be "considering whether" to adopt a "more combative" approach on economic issues. His advisers are suggesting a whole range programs: from things like "tax incentives for businesses" all the way to things that "appeal to independent voters, but may not have much economic impact". That will get the ball rolling, wouldn't you say?

Obama going to consider fighting for the economy? I hear it's a definite maybe!
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/14/us/politics/14e...

Chet Kincaid August 14, 2011 at 12:15 pm

OK OK! I'm not voting for him in 2012! Are you happy?

KenLayIsAlive August 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Haha. No, come on. We're all going to vote for Obama in 2012. That's a given.

I just want to hear you complain about the economy.

Negropolis August 14, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Or really anything outside of the bitter "Leave Britney Alone" schtick. Anything.

Chet Kincaid August 13, 2011 at 11:04 pm

I enjoy Gwyneth Paltrow's towering, shiny gams. I would like to build a treehouse up there and hide in the foliage.

ShaveTheWhales August 13, 2011 at 11:09 pm

1. It was a fundraising event. They raised some funds. There are Democrats who can afford to spend 40 large on a fundraising event. I'm happy to know that, even though I am not in that number.

2. Some of our Wonking brethren and sistren are twitchy about anybody making large political donations. Myself, I believe that you gotta have support from folks that are doing okay; but I cannot state definitively that the historical record bears out that belief. I will not make fun of those who believe otherwise.

3. Obama would definitely beat FDR in the 40. I'm pretty sure he could post him up, too (although the wheels might interfere with the drop step).

4. Harry Truman had the political sensitivity of a meat ax. Might be appropriate, these days.

Chet Kincaid August 13, 2011 at 11:15 pm

(wink)

lulzmonger August 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Press release bad, four legs good!
DC trolls are victorious!

Obama & Boehner sure do have some big ones to keep right on earnestly humping the "business-economy-deficit-spending" Wurlitzer, while yet again dancing around all those JOBS they both vowed to bitch-slap Amerika Inc. into coughing up once upon a time.

That's a lot less Kabuki than it is Ubu Roi, if you ask me.

LiveToServeYa August 15, 2011 at 9:17 am

Arugula-on-a-stick is all I'm sayin'.

BZ1 August 15, 2011 at 10:10 am

"Hey guys, why can't we all get along" doesn't go well with chants of "one-term Prez!!"….

Limeylizzie August 13, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Danner pretty much does stage now, either off-Broadway or at Williamstown, she is very talented.

ProudLibunatic August 13, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Saw Blythe Danner in "Follies" years ago, and she was great. A super cast with Treat Williams (who knew he was a song and dance man?), and Polly "I'm Still Here" Bergen.

Radiotherapy® August 13, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Should have had some Lucky Charms at the breakfast buffet.

not that Dewey August 13, 2011 at 11:18 pm

I always thought the Yellow Moons were a little too Musliny for my taste. And why is General Mills always trying to ram paganism down our throats? HENGH?

I'll take my chances with the stairs.

PristinePantalones August 15, 2011 at 12:33 am

Tout-suite in Spanish is "muy pronto." Does that mean "prison wine"? I hope not. But I'll be happy to pour you a glass of whatever I'm having, since you'll need it till Jan 20, 2012.

not that Dewey August 16, 2011 at 12:44 am

Well, prison wine is known for its quick turn-around time. CELL CHECK AT 5 AM

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