Teevee Queen of Alaska and former star of “The Learning Channel” Sarah Palin is officially the Iowa State Fair’s Justin Bieber, for the living, breathing human lard monsters who have eaten their own weight times a thousand in fried diabetes on a stick and are now too ill to remember who they are or what they are doing besides taking pictures of this lady, who does what exactly, again? The famous presidential candidate tour bus driver magically appeared in the middle of some sort of animal pen, because that is how all of God’s important prophets begin their journeys to Greatness. This was all going on while Tim Pawlenty wandered around alone, wondering if anyone would recognize him for who he truly is, instead of confusing him for local real estate agents and personal injury lawyers, which he hates. Of course no one did recognize him, because OH RIGHT SARAH PALIN IS HERE, everyone else can leave now!
It was complete madness in the livestock cage when Grizzly Warrior Maiden Sarah Palin came to offer her valuable thoughts on sexism in politics, whether or not she is running for president, yawn yawn eye-roll, and, well that is pretty much all, of course.
When she did show up at the fair, dressed in a white t-shirt and a pair of black jeans from her favorite Alaska designer, Palin was immediately swarmed by dozens of reporters and television cameras as news of her sudden appearance ricocheted around the fairground.
The press pack tiptoed around prize-winning cattle and errant pitchforks while thrusting microphones toward her face and bombarding her with questions about her national ambitions, the emergence of Texas Gov. Rick Perry and Thursday’s GOP debate.
She welcomed Perry, a friend and political ally, to the presidential field but said she still sees “room in the field” and said it would not impact her decision-making process about the race.
Oh! We see what you did there, librul media, with your horrifying imagery of “errant pitchforks” around this Sarah Palin person. This is almost as bad as the sexist thing reporters do when they ask Sarah Palin if she wants to have a mud wrestling fight with Michele Bachmann.
She praised former House Speaker Newt Gingrich’s combative performance in Thursday’s debate, said she would happily support former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney if he becomes the nominee and dismissed any idea of a rivalry between herself and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann.
“Just because there may happen to be two women in the race, that they would, you know, as Michele had put it once, get in the mud and be cat-fighting,” she said. “It’s ridiculous. It’s kind of even a sexist notion to consider that two women would be kind of be duking it out. If I’m going to duke it out, I’m going to duke it out with a guy.”
DO YOU HEAR THAT, MICHELE? Sarah Palin says you are not man enough for her. Michele Bachmann does not care, she gets that from her husband all the time. [CNN]
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When will the cure for her "Attention Deficit Disorder" be available?
More urgently needed: a cure for "Palin Attention Disorder."
When will the cure for her "Attention
DeficitWhore Disorder" be availableThere, fixed that for you
She thinks Attention Deficit Disorder has something to do with the deficit, so Sarah's not going near that topic. The economy can fix itself … after Alaska gets all the federal money God intends it to have.
Needy, greedy and stupid is no way to go through life.
It's made her millions.
It almost made her vice president. *shudder*
"Almost" as in only 10.5 million votes shy?
haha. still too close!
"Just because there may happen to be two women in the race,"
Is Marcus included in that number?
The bread may be sparse, but at least the circus is good.
If us regular Americans are fortunate, we may even get the treat of cake!
We don't "get" cake, we get the "freedom" to eat cake! But only if we give up the shackles of health care.
She took a wrong turn at the cattle judging and ended up with the blue ribbon for best heifer.
Also for being the biggest ass.
The bitch got best in show.
I feel bad for that.
I'm here everyone!! I'm here! Look at me!! Hello!! Over here!
I think only the press and a handful of lunatics are following her closely anymore
So she's co-opted McCain's base and some loons?
In American politics (and American entertainment in general), that's all you need, my friend. So long as you got a channel on Youtube, even you can be (in)famous.
Sarah is the funnel cake of this election cycle.
Yeah, I can be deep and metamorphoral, sometimes.
wow.
I felt something snap in my head.
All twisted and lacking any true value to humans?
And Santorum is the urinal cake of this election cycle.
I don't know what to believe, anymore, because I love funnel cake, but hand-to-the-FSM, I do not love the Sarah Palin.
They had red velvet funnel cake this year and it made my left arm all tingly.
I'm guessing not the Chris Matthews kind of tingly, though. Probably more "take me to the hospital tingly" right?
Does that make Newt the deep-fried butterstick of this election cycle?
At the Texas state fair last year, someone sold deep fried beer. It made everyone laugh and say oh yeah, but if you actually tried it it made you sick.
Stuef tweets about deep-fried Kool-Aid at some State Fair
Make of that whatever you wish~
"Errant pitchforks": So that's where all those grandchildren are coming from.
~
That family needs some errant coat hangers.
I think we found some new names for grandchildren: Errant Palin, Pitchfork Palin, Iowa State-Fair Palin, Willie Ames Palin, Butterstick Palin ect…
Blessed are the barefoot poop dancers, for they shall inherit the hookworm.
FYI, I'm going to be a giggling incoherent mess trying madly to dig my own brain out with a spork by the time nov 2012 rolls around.
Hey, I already feel like that every fucking day. And don't tell me it's my own fault for reading the news.
Holy fried 1/4 stick of butter on a stick! Maybe this time she can shoot the livestock from her magic Bus. You know, the bus in which she's here. No she's not here. She's running. No she's not. She's an idiot. No, she is.
1/4 stick? Surely you jest. These are Paula Deen recipes we're talking about.
That's 1/4 POUND of butter. Pure unadulterated saturated fat, deep fried in boiling transfat.
Since Palin has been on a lipodissolve-injection/Red-bull/Diet-Dr-Pepper/Taco-Bell-Crunchwrap-Supreme diet for the past 2-1/2 years, I wonder how her liver will deal with the butter-on-a-stick snack…
& don't forget the beef jerky
thrusting microphones toward her face and bombarding her with questions
Sounds like some of these reporters should go to Glenn Beck's Amazon page for the following: http://www.amazon.com/dgp-Inflatable-Perfect-Woma...
$4.40?
I can get twins!!!!
DO YOU HEAR THAT, MICHELE? Sarah Palin says you are not man enough for her.
But Barb promised us white pantie tickle fights???
~
I b'leev the exact phrase was "white COTTON panty tickle fights."
But Saruh, you can't claim librul sexism victomhood, that's a LIBRUL concept. Stop trying to get an extra advantage just because you're a woman. Next you'll be saying you should get paid the same as a man if you're elected POTUS.
There was no mention in this story if she snagged the blue ribbon for the "lipstick on a pig" competition.
FTW
I always get my animals mixed up with her. Pitbulls, pigs, hockey moms, barracooters…
You know who else revived their career by appearing at a state fair?
No one ever, that's who. Not even Hitler.
Shit, you mean that's a rhetorical question?
You know who else asked contentious rhetorical questions?
Like "how is babby formed," you mean?
All of them, Katie?
Cheap Trick? The Doobie Brothers?
Dana Andrews?
Even the movie State Fair was a turkey for Ann Margaret, and she could've done a walk-on in a dog food commercial and sparkled like a diamond in a goat's ass back in 1962.
Hey, what about Wilbur? You know, Charlotte's Web?
Can't think of any non-pigs, though. And neither Huckabee nor Christie is running.
You should have more thumbs up for this.
So you've already forgotten about Otto The Frog-faced Boy? Hmmph!
Blondie?
(They played my State Fair in '99, on their reunion tour ( with Reel Big Fish opening! ).)
Sarah Palin- in a mosh pit – with animals – and it is being filmed?
Is this some Tea Party letter to Penthouse?
Sarah Palin- in a mosh pit – with animals
Worst. Clue. Game. Ever.
What do Mercede Johnston's boobs say about this?
They seem to be pointing in different directions, so it looks as if they are as confused as the rest of us.
They have a fair in Iowa?
For Christ's Sake, someone shove a hot stick of fried butter up her bum. Is there a Wonketteer from this hellhole area of the US?
From. As in a long, long way from.
Last Tango in Des Moines?
Next door, but I ain't going to Iowa. Nee-bras-kee is bad enough.
And that is how Petey Gruber's science project, "On The Electoral Viability of Encephalitic Pig Foeti Under Closed List Caucus Primary Systems" won First Place in the Science Fair.
I believe Gruber was investigating anencephalic pig foeti.
Which doesn't much alter the conclusions.
I'm not actually required to care about Sarah Palin, am I?
That you might not is the one thing she cannot allow to be.
dressed in a white t-shirt and a pair of black jeans from her favorite Alaska designer
What is most surprising about this isn't that there is an Alaskan clothing designer but that there is more than one of them.
What's more surprising is that this lady-dingus has the audacity to wear a designer white teeshirt and black jeans. Real Americants get them shitz at the Walmart.
What's even *more* surprising is that Griftbilly McMooseBum spent the better part of a year combating the charges that she was a grifter running loose through Needless Markup with the Republican Party's charge card in hand by claiming that before they dragged her into the national spotlight, she was a simple AK hockey mom who bought her clothing at thrift stores. Anybody remember that?
She's wearin' Levi's.
Sarah Palin is president of party crashing and attention whoring.
That whole "Jersey Shore" crew could take lessons.
"…PALIN BUS PLUNGES OFF CLIFF EN ROUTE TO IOWA STATE FAIR …"
Nah, I'm just toying with ya… but did you think, just for a split second there?
Dammit, that was just long enough to get my shorts all sticky.
The entire fucking Republican party did, for one joyous second.
Unfortunately, there are not many cliffs in Iowa. I was hoping the Giant Boar would fall in love with her, but perhaps he has better taste….
Silly, there aren't any cliffs in Iowa.
Well, since she's only seen climbing on the bus and stepping down out of the bus, the disaster would only affect whatever unfortunate minions she didn't want to share the private jet with.
You didn't think she actually RIDES on the bus, did you?
Is the Rick and Sarah show really a possible thing? Does anyone think so? Would that not be an apt representation of the worst of who we are as a country? I think she's watched The Biden and figured Vice really might be her perfect job/workload capability max. I was hoping when she couldn't rock a mall anymore that this might be about over but I betcha I betcha I betcha…she's. never. going. away.
No, both of them need an evil opportunistic vice president plus a flock of "the sons of Nixon" or their descendants plus a whole load of young republican rat-fuckers to be a true modern republican president. I'm thinking someone's going to have Michael Bolton as their veep, be it one of the Ricks, Mittens $arah or Michele. They need a manipulative nasty shit to con them into more wars and tax cuts and less regulation (even beyond *this* republican brain trusts' imagining).
Huh. So you think Perry will go the whole W. That makes sense.
I don't know, I think your original hunch may be right on. He's stupider than W., and has no mommy to tell him what to do, or daddy-didn't-go-to–war-enough issues. I think Ricky might actually go the full retard.
In which case we are screwed, because these retards vote.
My money is on the Mitt and Rick show. Something for every GOPtard there, and all that double-dose of sick flow will sucker in plenty of votes in the general election.
You mean *John* Bolton, right? That moustached motherfucker with the bad toupee who's always scanning Pammy Geller's silicon boobage with intent? (Please say yes — the thought of *Michael* Bolton as the veep is too horrible to contemplate.)
I was wondering why a guy who sang poorly and was on "Dancing with the Stars" would be an evil vice. Thank you.
I want it to be the Michael Bolton from Office Space. A nerdy little rager. Also, I wonder who is Karl's KKKandidate? I can't figure out which one is Rove's boy. Has it wound up being Rick? (Talk about default…cause they hate each other by now don't they?) It seems money did work wonders in Wisconsin, so I am wondering who's getting the american crossroads secret bazillions.
Yeppers: It has been a day. Michael would be an interesting alternative, but *John* is the Bolton who is evil incarnate, the mustachioed menace. Thanks for calling me on that one I laughed until I almost lost control of bodily functions. Still smiling… And maybe it's time to take those meds and get some sleepy time now.
Thank jebus. You have no idea how glad I am. At least I *know* who John Bolton is, and Pammycakes will be the giant millstone around his neck if he has any political pretensions. Michael Bolton? {{Shudder}}
teatard wet dream.
There's a one bitch-per-ticket rule with these two, so that rules out them running together.
I'm still pushing all my chips to the middle of the table for the P/P Ticket…'cause I think they are fucking, so there!
Any of her other kids pregnant to announce about yet?
Gloria Vanderbilly.
Awesome. Tommy Hilbilly is a little too on the nose I guess…
That's for Tawd.
*clap clap clap* Very good!
She's obviously wearing Levi's.
Did she say all this while somebody shoved Tim Pawlenty's head in a grinder in the background? No?
Boring.
Well, Bachmann metaphorically shoved Pawlenty's head in a grinder during the debates, so there's not much left to do to him now.
Close enough!
Rick and Sarah: the new biggest hypocritical grifters in the public realm. Either Barry gets re-elected or America's decline moves into warp speed.
I am willing to bet that Sarah Palin could very well "duke it out with a guy." I think she's scrappy and strong. Retard strong.
Catfight libel!
No cat I've ever seen would get in mud for any reason whatsoever.
Introducing Bandicoot, the first genuine mud-loving pig-in-a-catsuit. 17 lbs of extra-long-and-fluffy Maine Coon mix, this charming little rascal raises entire colonies of baby slugs in his vast expanse of (once) white belly-fur. These are usually discovered by dint of dag-removal in late spring, and must be carefully excised by means of sharp scissors. And if you cut into one by accident, well, let's just say that removing slug slime from Maine Coon fur is an exercise best left to those who have no choice about doing it. The little fucker also figured out how to turn on all the faucets in the house (they have since been replaced as a result), enjoys chasing water around the garden, and will immediately take possession of any heavily-watered, mud-rich spot, rolling in it for maximum coverage.
Since we round up all felines for the nightly nose-count, evenings in these parts are usually punctuated by loud screams, flesh wounds, and piles of muddy dags by the doors. Also, blood.
Maine coons have a passing resemblance to cats, but that's pretty much all they have in common.
Bandicoot and his brother Zingiber were my first foray into living with Maine Coons. I must say, there isn't much about them that is cat-like. However, they *have* corrupted all the other cats, who now follow us around like dogs and lick any available body part. I'm thinking of renting them out to Teh Laydeez for facials, or whatever they call 'em.
Awesome.
The perfect Sarah trap…
A bunch of slack jawed reporters, a bag of money with a $ on it, lights, cameras and a garbage bag of clothes from Needless Markups under a box held up by a stick with a string attached to it.
A dumpster lid held up by a stick?
Here's hoping for a Tilt-a-Whirl disaster.
A long commute for a rodeo clown.
I wish she'd come to our State Fair. I'd show her a Cow that has a window in it's side. You can see it's guts! Oh yeah, and there's some guys that ride motorcycles around in a big cage. They can defy gravity because they can go upside down and around and around!
That cow must've been on some kind of circuit, we had one on display at Yucca Mountain, too. I guess it was supposed to reassure us that storing trans-uranic waste on and in our aquifer was a perfectly safe thing to do, because look, normal cow guts!
Look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
sigh.
This is getting, no, has gotten old.
"The press pack tiptoed around prize-winning cattle and errant pitchforks . . . ."
Oh how I have dreamed of being within striking distance of Sarah Palin with a pitchfork in my hand. So tempting.
I choose cattle prod.
I'm down with baseball bat.
Surely you mean "the lemming channel" where Billy Mays lives in perpetuity.
I know, I know, it is the learning channel, and please quit calling me Shirly.
You ever have one of those dreams where you're trying to tell someone about some impending danger, threat, or crucial idea and no one can hear you? Tim Pawlenty, livin the dream.
This woman makes your average banshee undergoing extreme torture sound like Renee Fleming.
But was Sarah wearing that huge padded bra she debuted at the Belmont Stakes? It's the perfect thing for a white T-shirt. Even Iowans would tear their eyes away from the cherry pie contest to get a peek at that rack.
since she won't go away, possibly she can be an underwear model.
Padded bra? Any trailer twat can get a titjob today. She can afford to buy the best boobs on earth and prolly has.
Not to say she didn't go under the knife, but that thing she was wearing at Belmont was definitely an ill-fitting padded bra. It screamed Victoria's Secret, not plastic surgeon. Maybe she borrowed it from Bristol.—
I will defer to an expert. Although I have been a bosom lover for more years than I'd like to count; I am no expert in the area of tit-slings.
Isn't that just the oddest line of the whole thing in all seriousness? Did this 'journalist' actually ask her about her jeans to glean this little irrelevant nugget? That would be really awkward and unprofessional to say the least.
BTW, love the title of the piece "Palin swarmed at Iowa State Fair", but I regret that it was not be Africanized Killer Bees, which, curiously, are from South America.
"The people pay the taxes. It’s not an entity, the corporation itself, that pays the taxes. It’s the people who pay the taxes. So Mitt Romney was right,”
For the record, this is not true, of course.
God, that white T-shirt pic. She looks more like a velociraptor every day.
Really, how much designing goes into a black pair of jeans and a white T shirt?
All of 'em, Katie.
FAIL
Are you disputing that Sarah Palin might answer such a question in that manner?
Well considering designer statements in the faux rural Anchorage exurb of Wasilla, after 6:00 means the Old Navy clearance table. Lou Sarah knew the teevee would be on her like files to a fresh one, even at the political manure-heavy Iowa State Fair. So in keeping with her understanding of things presidential, her sporting black jeans and a white T she was obviously going Wasilla semi-formal and she left her Southeast tennis shoes behind.
Complete with plastic black-patent-look cork-soled 4-inch sandals and black toenail polish embellished with white polkadots.
I'm not kidding. Someone actually took a picture of her toes, in an orgiastic fit.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08/12/article...
I have a recurring nightmare that we'll still be watching Sar-uh doing the "look at me" dance during the 2012 Iowa State Fair. Headlines will read: "Will Palin Launch Write-in Campaign for Pres.?" Or some tripe.
If Obama wants to win, he needs to do better than siphon off all the votes of teabaggers who can spell correctly!
“It’s ridiculous. It’s kind of even a sexist notion to consider that two women would be kind of be duking it out. If I’m going to duke it out, I’m going to duke it out with a guy.”
In other words, she doesn't take the other female candidate seriously enough to challenge her. Isn't that kind of the same as being sexist?
State Fair: perfect venue for the Grifter. Chicks, Chucks and Motherfucks galore.
Never polls over 5%,/This shrill old bitch can GO. GET. BENT.
Also too as well, those are surveyors' richochets, libs!
Pundits eagerly try to parse the Palin Saga's Ultimate Mystery: will her rock-solid grifter math instincts steer her away from a hopeless run, or will her lust for camwhoring & her galloping megalomania override it? Stay tuned, all you shut-ins & ships at sea!
The tension iszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
That fame whore bitch!
Is there no magic potion to make her go away??
Sarah Palin received zero (0) write-in votes at Ames, Iowa
But they'll fight over the hairspray.
Ok, that is really truly frightening because I can see how this "manly" white, "looks like a president" ticket could win. Damn you, Biel_ze_Bubba, that is a fucking nightmare. Truly…I can hear fux news and teatards screaming in joy at the return of whiteness, Jesus, and money. (Perry/Romney money, but this seems lost on the teatards.)
Yes, Rove hates Perry. Because he's not a Bush. Rick got the flight jacket, learned all about brush clearin' and everything, but Karl won't fall for it. Mission Not Accomplished, at least not to date.
Frightening, and inevitable. (Perry is a more slippery — and more deranged — version of Palin.) Obama had better get his act together, because bullshit often beats brains in "modern" America.
Plus, good Hair is a RINO. He was a Dem in the Texas legi as late as '88, when he served as co-chair of Al Gore's primary campaign in the Lone Star Republic.
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