health hazards

Rick Perry Metaphor of the Day: Texans Forced to Consume Own Sewage

The situation with the drought in Texas has gotten so awful that state officials are being forced to begin recycling urine and sewage to come up with drinking water for its population. Texas is not the first state to be forced to treat its sewage for human drinking (looking at you, southern California), but said another way, “the godforsaken climate in our state is so terrible that we are compelled to tolerate the consumption of our own recycled waste products” almost feels like we are reading an article about Rick Perry’s presidential run. It certainly has that whole “didn’t we flush some terrible, illiterate frat boy Texas turd giving us a stomachache down the toilet probably a few years ago? Why is it back again in our drinking water? Do we have to swallow?” feeling to it. How excited is everybody about this?

Well, Rick Perry’s prayers are not working, so Texas will have to put up with their only other option, reconstituted garbage.

From the AP:

Construction recently began on a $13 million water-reclamation plant believed to be the first of its kind in Texas. And officials have worked to dispel any fears that people will be drinking their neighbors’ urine, promising the system will yield clean, safe water. Some residents are prepared to put aside any squeamishness if it means having an abundant water supply.

“Any water is good water, as far as I’m concerned,” said Gary Fuqua, city manager in Big Spring, which will join the cities of Midland, Odessa and Stanton in using the water.

Is any water good water? Isn’t heat death and dehydration preferable sometimes? [AP]

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233 comments

  1. metamarcisf

    Diverting the urine from the Lone Star Brewery to the public drinking water supply will result in a considerable loss of jobs. Is Rick Perry responsible?

      1. proudgrampa

        Best Beer Ever! One of the few things I miss about TX.

        (And Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill, San Antonio. I miss you, ladies!).

  2. justkillmenow

    Sewage…Texas…Bush…Perry…it's all spinning in a circle like poop in a flushed toilet. Hard to tell one from the other.

  3. comrad_darkness

    Thank Rick Perry's God that there's no climate change.

    It's just Rick Perry's God hatin' on Texas…

    1. DahBoner

      "Thank Rick Perry's God that there's no climate change."

      There's no change–the weather in Texas has always been this shitty….

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Jes close your eyes n' pinch your nose son. And iffn you feel any chunks, whatever you do, don't swallow.

    2. DahBoner

      ""Mama, the water ain't s'posed tuh have that there golden color, izzit?""

      Son, that's the color of money in Rick Perry's checking account…

  4. FakaktaSouth

    What's neat is all the trace amounts of (free!) birth control pill hormones and antidepressants that are also in that water. Rick Perry would look great with a pair of big ol boobies – too bad he doesn't EVEN like those things…

    1. DahBoner

      Probably needs a dash of anti-psychotic drugs, if these people are thinking that Perry would make a good president…

    1. baconzgood

      How come Tex-Ass has turds in the drinking water and Vermont doesn't? HOW COME? Who put the turds in the water?

      1. DahBoner

        Because Texas used to be an independent nation (well, so was Vermont, but don't tell any ignorant Texan about that).

        Their new slogan is:

        Eat Turds and Die

  5. OC_Surf_Serf

    looking at you, southern California

    Listen, at least the tap doesn't light on fire, yet.

    Jeez. Surf, Sand, Sunshine…what's a little used water between friends?

    1. V572 Coif of Destiny

      Here in San Diego, where we're too cheap to build our own water supply system and have to grovel for overflow from the LA Dept of Water and Power, our idiot mayor killed a promising water conservation measure by labeling it "toilet to tap." The good news: we'll just keep pumping nearly-untreated sewage into the ocean, just like always, only through a slightly longer tube.

      But hey: low taxes are worth it, even if we surf in our own shit.

    2. ArmoredLibunatic

      My opinion may be slanted as a SoCal resident, but I can only must a "meh." Astronauts do the same thing, more or less, and they're heroes or something. And yeah, what Serf said.

      I'll still appreciate the opportunity to mercilessly spin this into some metaphor about Rick Perry as president, make no mistake! Grrr arrr!

  6. comrad_darkness

    "Construction recently began on a $13 million water-reclamation plant believed to be the first of its kind in Texas."

    Also. What is this evil socialmalism!? Real 'Mericans each design, build, and fund their own sewage treatment plant at their own houses, fer freedums!

    1. DahBoner

      "believed to be the first its kind in Texas"

      Except for the wastewater recycling plant that began in 1985 in El Paso.

      Do these idiots even know that El Paso is in Texas????

    2. Sparky_McGruff

      Is it just me, or does $13 million seem kinda low for a large public-works project? To build a facility that actually processes water, and is equipped to do quality control checks on the reclaimed water seems like it would be in the hundreds of millions of dollars…

      However, $13 million seems just about right for putting in a pump and a short pipe to hook the goes-out pipe straight back to the goes-in pipe.

      1. yyyaz

        Hate gubmint and all its nambsy-pambsy commie rules? Meet your new friends cholera, dysentery and typhus. Private-sector WIN!

  7. MARCdMan

    It's like in Catch-22 when the nurses simply swap the urine collection bag with the IV fluids bag on the guy in the full body cast when one is full and one is empty.

  8. Tundra Grifter

    Actually, this is more a methaphor for Ole Newt's vanity Presidential race.

    Newt says he wants to run his campaign based on ideas. I say it's running on empty.

  9. Doktor Zoom

    Whiskey's for drinkin', water's for fightin'.

    (This has been a presentation of Western Cliché Theater. Thank you for your support)

        1. Doktor Zoom

          "Much that was called religion has carried an unconscious attitude of hostility toward life."

          – Appendix II: The Religion of Dune

  10. baconzgood

    It's not any different than drinking Lone Star Beer.

    (do they even make that swill anymore?)

  11. MildMidwesterner

    “'Any water is good water, as far as I’m concerned,' said Gary Fuqua, city manager in Big Spring."

    Apparently the city is named for a large metal coil and not a water source.

  12. jakegittes

    Whatever you do, don't put any flouride in that water. It'll turn you Communist. — John Birch

  13. Trannysurprise

    Actually, God is answering prayers. My prayers. Considering I pray every day that Texas continues to burn to a hot crisp like the flaming red end of Whitney Houston's crack pipe, I think overall He's got my back.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Shiner is light years better than Lone Star, and actually works well in/with things like chili. Before we all discovered beer can be great, the Shiners and Henry Weinhard's of the world were as close to really good as you could get in many US markets. Plus SB is a gateway beer to really good stuff for people who have only drunk Bud/Bud Light because of marketing overload.

      1. Chillwaver

        True, but unlike Lone Star, they still sell Shiner as a "premium" beer. There are also a few smaller breweries that produce decent quality beer at the same price level. Saint Arnold and Real Ale, for example.

    1. PristinePantalones

      Sounds like you might have been a Californian/lived in California during the last great drought.

  14. arihaya

    “Any water is good water, as far as I’m concerned,” said Gary Fuqua,

    i was wondering if his name Fuqua, is spelled "Fuck-u-all"

    1. PristinePantalones

      Really? He said that?

      If that's true, he's just lost any modicum of respect I ever had for him.

  15. proudgrampa

    Kinda hard to not feel a little sorry for the people of Texas. But then, I am reminded that they keep inflicting their damn governors on us, and I don't feel so sorry for them.

  16. JoshuaNorton

    Apparently, God's answer to their 'round the clock prayer-a-thon was "Eat shit and die".

    Not quite the solution they were hoping for.

    1. DahBoner

      "Welcome to Texas "Eat Shit and Die""

      Well, it's been the slogan of Texans towards anything non-Texan for decades now, so why mess with success?

  17. EatsBabyDingos

    Ghandi drank his urine. That makes Texas just like Ghandi. But without the enlightenment, charity, and love of fellow man.

  18. stew1

    Since they will need to raise taxes to pay for the new plants, Texans would prefer to build their own outhouses and make there own, home brew.

  19. lefty74

    Its nothing a big ass hurricane wont solve.
    As if one raging torrent isn't enough to solve the problem.

    As Marie Antoinette once said, Let them eat shit.

  20. EatsBabyDingos

    Sarah's been eating yellow snow for years.

    And, having watched the "debates" last night, she made the most intelligent comments of any of them. Of course, she said nothing.

  21. randcoolcatdaddy

    “Any water is good water, as far as I’m concerned,” said Gary Fuqua….

    I understand there's some slightly radioactive water still available in Japan, if you want to check that out…

  22. Ducksworthy

    I like that "believed to be the first of its kind in Tejas". That means these ignorant fools don't really know whether they've been drinking each others pee, or for how long.

  23. Arken

    Drinking recycled water is what the astronauts on the space station do. Why does Rick Perry hate NASA, one of Texas' big employers?

  24. widestanceshakedown

    I almost want to except my 'never ever step foot in Texas' rule, just so I could visit with a wicked stomach virus and leave knowing both Bush and Perry are drinking my flushings.

    1. Callyson

      You could go with a "the DFW airport does not count" rule and fly American Airlines someplace. They *always* have layovers at DFW.

  25. DashboardBuddha

    Any water is good water
    So I took what I could get
    She looked inside at the brown stained bowl, and said
    You ain't seen nothing yet.

  26. DaRooster

    "…officials have worked to dispel any fears that people will be drinking their neighbors’ urine…"

    I know that my neighbors would love this… it's probably still 40 proof…

  27. ManchuCandidate

    This is a much better plan than T. Boone Pickens idea of stealing, um, pumping great lake water from Chicago to Tejas.

    The Great Financial meltdown of 2008 pretty much ended that idea.

    As someone who lived on various shores of the Great Lakes for his entire life, I would have to say fuck Tejas if that plan ever came to fruition. No one told them to live in a fucking desert.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      True. The Great Plains were the Great American Desert (under the principle that a desert receives marginal rainfall, year-to-year) 'til the Homestead Act.

      Also, the draining of the Great Lakes will never happen. Is one of the few things the GOP & Dem governors of MN, WI, IL, IN, MI, OH, PA, & NY (granted, right now, only Dayton & Cuomo have a D after their name) can agree on.

      Oh, & Canada, also. Ontario has sway.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Quinn in Illinois is a Dem, and they've pushed hard to work on shit like keeping the carp out, and even thinking about undoing the reverse flow of the Chicago River to keep Lake Michigan clean (won't happen for pride, but still). You are right, though – it is enough of a point of pride that Mark Kirk stole credit for working on it, and you know he only goes after the prime bits.

        Plus the Canucks ain't exactly cool with us taking water that is half theirs to help Tejanos.

    2. AJWjr.

      Perhaps they can appeal to their brethren in Salt Lake City, that water's just going to waste anyway!

    3. Rotundo_

      Though if they want to truck loads of our sewage to Tejas to help them in their hour of need, we would be willing to let them come up and take our untreated sewage back down with them. I'll be willing to bet if you put buckets with little Tejas shaped targets in them we could fill a bunch of them.

  28. hagajim

    Hell – sounds like Texas ought to have a new slogan – Deep in the Heart of Golden Showers – or something like that.

  29. smitallica

    Hey, back off our governor! He prayed to the Living Christ Supergod three months ago to make it rain, and although the drought actually got worse, yesterday our high temperature in Dallas dropped below 100 for the first time in 40 days. GOD IS GOOD!!!

    1. AJWjr.

      Out here by Area 51 we have a saying that it isn't summer unless there's 100 consecutive days over 100, you pussies.

    2. mog253

      We moved to Grapevine in 2000, at the tail end of a 127 day stretch of 100+ weather and drought, bought the 5th house we looked at because it was 107 that day and I didn't want to get out of the nice realtor's Caddie again. Moved in mid-September and it started to rain two weeks later, rained straight through until February, then the floods started. TEXAS!!!!

  30. x111e7thst

    As the need to drink sewage spreads through the southern bible belt, the notion that there may after all be a god will start to gain currency in the atheist enclaves of the northeast coast.

    1. AJWjr.

      Geophagy is a widely practiced southern affectation, keeps them connected to the land, so to speak, so can coprophagy be far behind?

  31. Pat_Pending

    obscure nerd reference alert: I'm imagining all Texans wearing those 'stillsuits' from Dune. Just throw a cowboy hat on top and you're done.

      1. Pat_Pending

        Ah. Duly noted. I haven't thought about Dune since the first Bush administration, so I figured neither has the rest of the world…

      2. PristinePantalones

        I was just laughing myself hysterical over that, having followed teh Dune metaphor thread on some other post.

  32. Serolf_Divad

    Praying for Rain
    A Play in One Act
    By
    Serolf Divad

    Characters:
    Rick Perry – Governor of Texas, fond of executions and cutting services to the poor.
    Jesus Christ – Son of God, friend to the poor and the meek, pardoner of adultresses.

    ACT I: The Prayer

    Rick Perry: Oh, merciful Jesus please bless our prached land, open up your skies and shower us with torrents of refreshing rain.
    Jesus: Fuck you. Drink piss, asshole.

    Curtain Falls

      1. Serolf_Divad

        It's already in pre-production, with Chuck Norris playing Rick Perry and the ghost of George Carlin as Jesus.

  33. GunToting[Redacted]

    I have a hard time making fun of this particular development… ALL water is recycled urine, at one time. They are not making any new water, so whatever you drink has been on this planet for several million years. It's all recycled, it's just the length of the time period between when it was piss and when it becomes Perrier.

    There's plenty of other shit in Texas (like Perry) to make fun of. See what I did there?

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Generally correct, but for most people there's still a big difference between a lump of coal and a gem quality diamond, even though they are chemically pretty similar.

      I'm also not certain that you get the same high quality side effects (like hormones, lithium, etc.) from Perrier as you do from quick turnaround reclamation.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        True. The problem is, there is not enough water west of the Mississippi to meet demands. Much of that is based on unrealistic projections (BLM and others) based on above-average historical rainfall and other errors. Unfortunately, short of forced relocation, the people are where they are. Like it or not, we will need to be creative about how we get what we need.

        1. mog253

          Perhaps if they didn't try to grow big green lawns? Trying to make the desert bloom is a tricky business.

        2. Graham Cracker

          Here in New Mexico we will have to relocate the Mexican border fence and move it to the Texas side!

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The water in Texas has only been around for 6,000 years. Maybe it's just the fundy water that they're running out of.

    3. PristinePantalones

      Not to mention the fact that, as the population races to hit 7 billion, we're all looking at drinking pretty recently recycled water within a couple of decades. I understand the need to make fun of it, but this is the future for all of us, unless the population is mysteriously halved, tout suite. There's too many of us to be supported at any but the most basic levels by this beautiful blue planet we call home.

  34. Eve8Apples

    I'm curious when will the good governor take his special tea blend to the bluebloods of suburban Dallas and Houston.

    Instead of "Let them eat cake," Perry's motto is "Let them drink piss."

  35. neiltheblaze

    I love how Rick Perry's Sky Wizard god is essentially telling Texas to drink piss and die.I love a creator of the universe with a sense of humor.

  36. DaRooster

    Sure will take a whole mess of science to be able to drink pee… Y'all sure you wanna go down that road? Aren't you supposed to have complete faith?

  37. DustBowlBlues

    Meanwhile, Oklahoma and Texas are in a pissing match–pun intended–over who gets the water in SE OK. If I heard the news correctly, the tribes down there–two big ones, Choctaw and Chickasaw–want to keep it. Thank God for them. So did the Attorney General, the last real Democrat in the state, but he ran for guv and lost and who knows about the new Republitard AG.

    Meanwhile, I assume all those gigantic emerald green grass lawns that rich Dallasites favor are being allowed to go brown, forever, until they're replace by xeriscaping.

    No? I'm shocked. Then again, they're probably waiting for that prayer thing to work.

    PS Suck it, Longhorns. We've had three days of cool temps and intermittent rain and more coming until next mid week, when the low temps return to, "Just this side of Hades."

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Might have a claim if it flows into Tejas at some point. Or it could just be about whether Okie Repubs will cover Tejas Repubs asses this time, and rape their environment to do it.

      2. GunToting[Redacted]

        I'd guess they are talking about the Ogallala aquifer, which is under OK, TX, KS, NE, and a bit into some other states. It's like the "I drink your milkshake" scene in "There Will Be Blood."

          1. GunToting[Redacted]

            Read “Cadillac Desert.” Probably the best, and easily the most interesting/readable book ever written about water rights. Sadly the author died several years back, as I'd love to hear his take on how things have changed in the nearly two decades since he wrote the book.

      3. DustBowlBlues

        They want to purchase it. Which makes me very afraid the Republitard takeover of the state will go along with it. Anyone with half a brain knows that one of the most precious resources in the near future is going to be water. The southeast part of OK gets the most rain–even has cypress trees in the farthest part of the SE.

        Texas was suing OK to get the water. I do not know the current state of that, just that the Indians are of the opinion it's their water, given the fact it's in the part of the state they were "removed" to. I'm cheering for the tribes.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      The first time I ever went to Ft Worth I was shocked at how completely green it was. I asked my aunt who had moved there why it looked like Alabama for real, and she said that the Bass Family had transplanted all the forestry. After I saw the rest of Texas I was even more impressed. I guess money trumps nature (cause you can't shoot it) in Texas. And I bet they don't water it with t-t.

  38. Geminisunmars

    This isn't snark, but you know what happens to land after drought and scorching? When the rains come (if they come – Tex could become a permanent dessert) it won't be able to penetrate and will become run-off. So – more flooding. Perry will probably claim that his prayers worked.

  39. littlebigdaddy

    If I had to live in Texas, I would be worried more about being surrounded by armed, bigoted, holy-roller mouthbreathers, many of whom are elected to statewide office. Recycled human waste would just be the icing on the shit cake.

  40. StarsUponThars

    Kinda puts the "mess" in Don't Mess With Texas, don't it. Only a man who pulled Cs and Ds in college could think this was a good idea.

  41. Smitros

    In all fairness, this is pretty much what all wastewater and sewage treatment amounts to, just a more pronounced example. The (hydrological) circle of life, like the filtration scene at the beginning of Waterworld.

  42. GregComlish

    Wow. Texas engages in a practical long-term solution to address a major social problem by investing in relevant public institutions. Good for them.

  43. Chet Kincaid

    Logistically, what is the quantity of shit and piss you need to start with to get down to, say, 8 ounces of potable water? Wouldn't it be more economically feasible to just evacuate Texas?

  44. Chet Kincaid

    I'm imagining a Dystopian, modern-day version of "Lonesome Dove" in which Woodrow, Augustus and the boys escort a huge tanker truck north to the Great Lakes to steal water. Hilarity ensues.

  45. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I'm all for sending cases of empty water bottles to Texas, labeled "Perry Air".

    Given the local weather, it may arrive hot, which would be perfect.

  46. rahelio

    Holy Shit!

    No, really, it's holy. Sometimes God answers your prayers for rain by telling you to pee in each other's mouths.

    1. DahBoner

      "Holy Shit! "

      They're already archiving Rick Perry's morning bowel movements, for the future Presidential library……

  47. GOPCrusher

    Maybe Rick Perry should keep his ass to home this weekend, instead of traveling to South Carolina so he can announce that he wants to run for President of a country that he wants to secede from.

  48. GunToting[Redacted]

    OT, but WFT is up with the Blogads? I have a large-breasted Cougar over the line "One weird trick to sleep all night," and a young chick with a whole egg in her mouth over the "Best wrinkle creams of 2011…" How does Kourtney fit into all this?

  49. Callyson

    Looking forward to the next Freak Show, I mean GOP Presidential Debate, when someone asks Perry if he will do for the country what he has done for Texas…

  50. owhatever

    And the Lord asked Saint Rick, "Thou art drinking thine own urine? Thou really art a moron, aren't thou. Buy some bottled water." And thence replied Saint Rick, "God, you really don't unnerstand our plightest in thine's chosen land." To which God answered, "I never chose Texas for anything other than somewhere to pile all the leftovers when I finished building the rest of the world. Stop whining to me all the time and grow a pair."

  51. snoopyfan2010

    There's this old saying, "What goes around comes around ten times harder."

    And Obama is a twinkie. Please show approval for that meme by giving free thumbs up. I need the affirmation.

  52. Negropolis

    Up here in Michigan, we are literally drowning in our drinking water. No, really. A rip tide in Lake Michigan drowned two peoople, yesterday, and nearly drowned four children, today.

  53. not that Dewey

    I realize that New Mexico is a rather sparsely-populated state, so it won't amount to much, but we'd be more than happy to donate all our shit and piss if it would help our Texan brethren. We could just leave it in piles along the border.

  54. ttommyunger

    No wonder Rick spends so much time out of State. BTW, I'm posting this on Sat afternoon. Perry has announced. Don't think for a minute that this ass-clown can't win it all. He is telegenic, articulate, has a great back-story ('cept for the cheerleading thingy) and is WHITE! I fully expect him to name Palin for the bottom (snicker) of his ticket and have her as his running "mate" (hee, hee). I think the "PP" Ticket is fitting for this post.

  55. proudgrampa

    Certainly LBJ and Barbara are among my favorite "sons and daughters of Texas" (at least until LBJ wouldn't get us out of SE Asia).

    One I really miss is Ann Richards. Now why can't Texas find another one like her???

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