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Oh, Florida, it is America’s treasured swampland. It is a place ruled by those important “small town values” and giant biblical structures donated by local highway construction hot-shots. Or at least it was, until some Jesus-hatin’ foreigner came in and ruined everything, because that is how these stories go. Thank the Almighty for the USA Today for giving these oppressed people a voice!

The folks who live in this sparsely populated rural region along Florida’s upper west coast don’t like outsiders butting in, especially when it comes to their religious beliefs.

They’re miffed, to put it politely, and appealing a federal judge’s order to remove a five-foot high granite monument that prominently displays the Ten Commandments in front of the Dixie County courthouse by Sunday.

The six-ton, $20,000 monument still sits on the courthouse steps. Beneath the commandments, the monument reads in large capital letters, “LOVE GOD AND KEEP HIS COMMANDMENTS.”

Residents here have long had a reputation for their independence and don’t take kindly to outsider interference, even if it’s a constitutional issue.

“There will be people standing around it to protect it when they come to remove it,” said Donald Eady, a 38-year-old mobile mechanic who lives in neighboring Old Town, a short jaunt south down four-lane U.S. Highway 19. “The people here enjoy it. We should have that freedom, but they’re taking our freedom away daily.”

“They,” meaning “that ridiculous Constitution,” are a real menace. Especially since there are probably no illegal Mexicans in this quaint little Florida paradise to move those SIX TON pretend message from God. Whatever happened to Justice? [USA Today]

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