the death of civility

Liveblogging the Ames GOP Presidential Devil Clown Anger Match

ORGY IN HELLIs everyone clutching a bottle of Advil in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other? Does it matter which hand is holding which? NO! Tonight we will watch all 83 GOP presidential candidates stand together on a stage in Ames, Iowa and real-life Twitter incomplete sentences with all the fury of James Joyce on an amphetamine binge TIMES ONE HUNDRED at one another in order to win America’s eternal disdain. Who will be the winner? Tim Pawlenty, if his place at the lectern has not been replaced by a rusty stop sign before the end of the debate. HERE WE GO!

11:03 – AND WOW THAT WAS THAT. Who won? Uh… Sasha Obama? She was the only person we did not see screaming on stage. Tim Pawlenty, it was nice meeting you, but not! For anyone still sober enough to read these words, we are very sorry you cannot afford booze. GOOD NIGHT.

11:01 – Jon Huntsman is so sorry that America has cancer. Really, he’s very sorry.

11:00 – Michele Bachmann: “I am so tired I can no longer speak. PRAGOBAMA GRRR IOWA.” And Pawlenty comes back from the penalty box to do his best Ronald Reagan impression.

10:59 – Congressman Ron Paul’s closing statement: “I AM SO OLD. GOD. MONEY. LIBERTY. NO WARS. I AM OVERHEATING. GAH.”

10:56 – The Fox News debate producers just started to turn off the lights in the debate hall while Herman Cain was speaking. They are as bored as everyone else. “OH WHAT, this is still going on? Oh, shit. Sorry, our bad. Yeah, we’ll leave the lights on a few more minutes, whatever.”

10:54 – It’s hard to tell, but it looks like there is some guy sitting in the background of Brett Baier’s camera who is wearing sunglasses and a dinosaur hat. We will be voting for that guy.

10:48 – Newt Gingrich is against switching to the gold standard. How about a DIAMOND STANDARD, huh?

10:47 – WAKE UP NEWT, there is another question for you. Oh, monetary policy. We just fell asleep.

10:40 – Mitt Romney would like to privatize unemployment benefits. Otherwise known as a “job.”

10:38 – Fox News makes fun of the cranky debaters on Twitter: “Commercial breaks allow candidates to take out mouth guards and rinse. #gopdebate”

10:35 – OH YAWN Rick Santorum “will have to marry all of his children the next time gays marry” or whatever.

10:29 – Michele Bachmann cannot shoot these lasers out of her eyes hard enough. When she said she “submits” to her husband, she was not talking about her sex life. The correct euphemism for living in abstinence with your gay husband is “respect,” says Michele.

10:27 – Newt Gingrich is against this “The New York Times bomber” from Pakistan.

10:22 – The Fox News talking heads speaking during the break on the livestream: “The only person who looks presidential tonight is Barack Obama.” Let us check what livestream we are watching, because that does not sound right.

10:20 – Wow. When did Ron Paul become the most sane person in the room? “Government should not assassinate its citizens.” We are writing him a check.

10:15 – There is Rick Santorum. He has something to say about “Afghanistanians.” He wars them in his wet dreams.

10:14 – Ron Paul is defending Iran’s right to own nuclear weapons. I’m Ron Paul, and I invented hippies.

10:13 – Governor Pawlenty, would you eat food with a fork like President Obama, or just mash the meat with your thumbs? THERE SHOULD NOT BE A THREE STOOGES MOVIE ABOUT ISRAEL.

10:10 – Rick Santorum was also abducted from this debate. Or possibly he wasn’t, but there is no way of knowing because we saw him once maybe an hour ago. Jon Huntsman suggests that the Chinese may have taken him. Good try, China. Keep him.

10:09 – Newt Gingrich’s definition of “gotcha” question is just any question he doesn’t want to answer. He will flail his arms to prove his point.

10:06 – 5% fewer fake humans responded “yes” to the FoxNews.com question “should we withdraw from Afghanistan?” after hearing Tim Pawlenty speak.

10:03 – Michele Bachmann was recovered from outer space, and she does not regret making out with Sarah Palin in college.

10:01 – MICHELE BACHMANN WAS ABDUCTED OR NO SHE WAS RAPTURED, hahaha everyone else is doomed.

9:57 – Rick Santorum: “Abraham Lincoln said we are a nation that was built on a moral enterprise. And states don’t have the right to tramp over those.” Slavery/Civil War/ Gay marriage, same thing. Rick Santorum will lead your civil war against the gays.

9:57 – Oh the Paultards in the crowd are all riled up now. Screaming “PAUL U ROCK” like this is a KISS concert or something.

9:55 – Is it creepy or what to keep watching “The Examiner” logo on the background next to Michele Bachmann’s vacant space lizard impression? EXAMINE MY HEAD. EXAMINE ME.

9:50 – Fact check: Tim Pawlenty left Minnesota with a $6.2 billion budget deficit. Is that relevant? No.

9:49 – Is Ronald Reagan’s corpse watching this debate from hell? Ronald Reagan: “UNNNNNGGGGHHH ME LOVE NEWT GINGRICH SKINNY TIE.”

9:46 – Hahahahaha this joke will never get old. Rick Santorum said, “exploded.”

9:45 – We have reached an Important Conclusion that a Bachmann/Pawlenty road trip sitcom is the movie that America needs. OH WOAH all the fighting. Gettin all Jerry Springer in here now. BOOOOOOS. CLAP CLAP CLAP. BOOOOS.

9:43 – Michele Bachmann: “You can get money wrong, you can’t get life wrong.” Tim Pawlenty responds: “What’s wrong with that answer is that answer.” Is this debate even being conducted in English?

9:42 – There is total silence in the audience as Tim Pawlenty speaks. Everyone has fallen asleep in the last 20 seconds.

9:40 – Mittens’ voice is so silky. His hair is very silky tonight, too. Is that the Mormon glow or is that just us?

9:36 – Herman Cain explains the fundamentals of comedy to his Fox News audience. “Alligators trying to eat illegal immigrants is pretty funny.”

9:33 – There is now a new moderator, some lady from Law and Order.

9:29 – Chris Wallace to Jon Hunstman: “How many times a week do you have sex with Barack Obama, and does that disqualify you from running as a Republican?” Jon: “I’m proud of that. Lots of people want to have sex with Obama, including you.”

9:27 – Chris Wallace to Newt Gingrich: “How does it feel not to have any friends at all?” Newt: “Chris, you are very ugly.”

9:23 – Mittens is using his phone sex voice tonight.

9:21 – Minnesota Nice is slowly being torn to shreds on this stage. OH BAM TIM PAWLENTY “Michele Bachmann might have a titanium spine, but she has never produced any results whatsoever, and it’s killing us.” You left out the Nazi reference, Tim. MICHELE BACHMANN LOVES HITLER. Just say that next time.

9:20 – Michele Bachmann responds to a question about “what have you ever done in Congress” by listing all the less insane accomplishments of Tim Pawlenty. She’s good at this game.

9:16 – Does Brett Baier’s head sort of look like a white Milk Dud with a toupee sitting on top?

9:13 – Tim Pawlenty promises to serve arsenic cookies and mow the lawns of everyone in America who hates Obama enough to eat Pawlenty’s arsenic cookies. Except Mitt Romney, not him. SNAP.

9:12 – Newt Gingrich! He is shaking his noggin and folding his hands over his lectern a lot. Very psycho librarian-ish.

9:08 – Ron Paul is stumped. “Does divided Congress work?” “Uh, militarism is the answer.”

9:05 – We are switching to whiskey. Wink Martindale is also at this debate, dressed in Michele Bachmann Mitt Romney drag, calling Obama a one-term president.

9:01 – WOAH YOUR WONKETTE COMPUTER is the winner if it makes it through this debate. CRASHES EVERYWHERE.

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • chascates

    The comedy begins.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      It's one of those rare tragic-comedies. Well, used to be rare.

  • Callyson

    Mittens has the gall to talk about being in the private sector and knowing about job creation? How many recommendations for downsizing did he make at Bain Capital again?

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Ahem. All of them, Katie.

      • berkeleyfarm

        *golf clap*

    • emmelemm

      If there's one thing Mittens has shown the last couple days, it's that he's got a lot of gall. An overabundance.

    • mumbly_joe

      And -and mind you, I could be wrong, as I was only reading the closed captions at a bar where I was drinking with other liberals and snarking loudly- it looked like Frothy Mix similarly had the gall to mention Iran's oppression of women and gays alongside the myriad other excuses he gave for starting a new war we can't afford and would never win.

      For those of you keeping score at home: the oppression of sexual minorities that Santorum wants to write into the law: Good. When Iran does it? Bad. Presumably for some reason other than "they're Brown people", but it's pretty unclear what.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Mitts has the orange patina of Boehner, emphasized with Palin's lip-color-lighter-than-complexion to boot.

  • Barb

    Looking at this clown lineup makes me want to vote for face-ripper monkey.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Dadinngg.

    • Nothingisamiss

      If you vote for anyone of these people, you really have voted in a face ripping monkey.

    • 102415

      Barb, that would be like voting for Reagan because that monkey is dead.

    • SorosBot

      You mean you want to vote for Bachmann?

      • Barb

        True story Soros, my daughters little baby contracted an e coli infection this week. I did something I never do, I hit the floor on my knees and prayed to God to let Ainsley be okay. I promised God anything and then I started adding stuff at the end. "except I won't vote for Bachmann, Palin, Newt…." and then I stood up and switched my faith to the doctor who is treating her and pretended that I didn't pray.

        • SorosBot

          Damn, I hope the kid's OK.

          • Barb

            She's getting better, thanks! Her birthday is Sept 1st and I'm going to buy her a pony.

          • Callyson

            I promised God anything and then I started adding stuff at the end. "except I won't vote for Bachmann, Palin, Newt…."
            And now the kid is getting better…God has spoken
            :-)

          • Barb

            I like the way you think, Callyson!

          • jus_wonderin

            Glad it all worked out, Barb. Wow, that must have been scary. Loved the "except I won't vote" part!!!

  • Radiotherapy®

    I love when these tards reference JFK

    • Steverino247

      Ich bin ein Berliner?

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        Mittens: Ich bin ein Corporation.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Wow. Mitt sucks. Already. Blah blah lies, Obama's fault, lies. Private Sector fap fap.
    But, saying Mittness Protection program to his face is pretty great.

  • Callyson

    Santorum perked up at the mention of "inches"

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    DRINK!!!
    ~

  • Callyson

    Mittens is not going to eat Obama's dog food? WTF is that even supposed to mean?

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      Mormons will be our new blacks.

      We will all have polite slaves who quietly judge our lascivious lifestyles.

      • NotYerGaryBusey

        At least they wouldn't be sneaking off with the contents of the liquor cabinet.

        • LiveToServeYa

          No, they'd just be replacing half of the premium whisky with pee.

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg
    • http://beattitudez.com Beattitudes

      soylent green – stimulating the economy to the bitter end…

    • neiltheblaze

      What he meant to say was "I refuse to travel on the roof of Obama's car."

    • Negropolis

      He's also determined to drink Obama's milkshake.

      • PristinePantalones

        I believe the President keeps that in his dick. Suck, Mitt. HARD.

  • Radiotherapy®

    What is this, Match Game? Nice bell Brett

    • Ken Cuccinelli

      Gene Rayburn could make it more entertaining, I'm sure.

      • jus_wonderin

        I didn't watch. Who took the center square??? I hope it was Marcus. Oh, wait….

  • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

    So who is going to be our Nero ?
    http://bit.ly/o5BmBX

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Thought they were all going to wear pajamas tonight?

  • smashaduck

    'Cause Fox viewers started barking at the door. My dog, however, knew it wasn't the fucking doorbell.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Where's that Gay guy?

    • Callyson

      Which one?
      Oh, you mean the non – closeted one? FOX sent him to the doghouse. Probably to eat Obama's dog food.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Man. That's the dude Kirsten scratched out in the graphic, isn't it?

      • littlebigdaddy

        To the tune of the MTM Show theme song:

        "Ghey is all around, why don't you taste it
        Santorum's dripping down, now don't you waste it
        We're going to make it after all!"

        • jus_wonderin

          "Meow"

    • Nostrildamus

      Marcus is watching at home.

  • SexySmurf

    Bad news everyone: iCarly broke her ankle.

    That's my way of saying I don't give two tits about this debate.

    • Ken Cuccinelli

      OH it wasn't the other iCarly? The one that destroyed HP and ran on a platform of printer ink for everyone in Caleeforniuh?

      • PristinePantalones

        The one repeatedly voted "Worst Business Executive" by Wall St.

    • emmelemm

      Two tits are a fucking valuable thing. You don't just give them away!

      • PristinePantalones

        Watch it, Blago got sent up for trying to get something in exchange.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Mittens prefers the recommendations of the Catfood Commission.

    It's that subtle tuna flavor.
    ~

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      And here I thought that was the smell emanating from the Democratic leadership.

  • Callyson

    How long before Paul starts going on about the gold standard again?

  • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

    This debate is fuckin' stupid.

  • Callyson

    Ding ding just before Paul got around to cutting the military…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    They haz a stupid.

    • PristinePantalones

      They haz MANY stupidz. Many, many, many stupidz.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Four point pizza!

  • hollywooddood

    I'm going to do a shot of whiskey every time one of them says "job creator".

    • smashaduck

      It's been nice knowing you. Ooh if you have a macbook, write me into the will before you finish the bottle ten minutes from now.

    • soojank

      my plan was every time one of them suggests "cutting taxes to job creators"… but that works too

    • Radiotherapy®

      Pavlov is going on the dadinngg.

    • snicker snack

      It's been 2 hours. Are you dead yet?

      • hollywooddood

        Pretty much.

    • PristinePantalones

      It's been nice, dood. Hope you have a little milk thistle handy. I understand it's often used to reverse liver toxicity.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Tax Cuts Forever!!!1!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Who'll be the first to say America is a QUARDRUPLE "A" Country!

  • Radiotherapy®

    Huntsman.. no flag pin…goodbye

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Great minds, etc…
      Gingrich loses on that count, also, too

      • Radiotherapy®

        Santorum….Zero taxes, fuck yeah

    • PristinePantalones

      He's white, rich, and Republican. He doesn't *need* teh flag pin.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Being a Democrat sucks most of the time, but watching this makes me really thankful I don't have to vote in the Republican primary next year…

  • widget2011

    I'm clutching a bottle of percoset in one hand, an a combonation of valium and vicodin in the other, to keep my head from exploding, like on the movie "Scanners".

    • Limeylizzie

      Oh snap, I am on Codeine.

      • x111e7thst

        i'd like to be on codeine but I couldn't get any so I'm taking Secobarb and contemplating a bottle of vodka.

        • Limeylizzie

          I have loads of it, I had two root canals done and one got infected and I was out of town so my dentist kept prescribing codeine along with the anti-biotics and I never used it, so I stockpiled!

          • widget2011

            Percoset (Oxycodone) & Vicodin (Hydrocodone) both contain variants of codiene, I prefer Percoset because it does not cloud my thinking as much as vicodin does. If I was forced to watch the Rupublican debate, I'd have to consider hydrogen cyanide, I keed, I keed. It kind of reminds me of Pink Floyd's In the Flesh, you know, the Nazi version (which was pure sarcasm & hyperbole), which is what most people believe, except for Glenn Beck (Who thinks they were being literal (serious). I got a spinal fusion, on the C-6, from falling out of a tree of all things.

          • jus_wonderin

            Does Drano count???

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    WHERE'S THE FLAG PIN, HUNTSMAN??!?1!

    • Radiotherapy®

      Hey, quit stealing my jokes.

    • Nostrildamus

      You really don't want to know.

    • JimNauseam

      He was hoping you'd ask! It's pinned to his dick. NOW who's the real American?

  • Hooray4Politics

    Who grafted Ted Kennedy's head on Newt's body?

  • Callyson

    Gingrinch is asked why he should get the nod, and talks about divided government? Not the message the rabid NO COMPROMISE base wants to hear…

    • hollywooddood

      Well, Newt is the family values and ethics candidate.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Haha. Newt Gingrich would like to pretend he doesn't have to answer the question.

  • Callyson

    Hey Pawlenty: I want my prize! http://www.ontheissues.org/economic/barack_obama_

    • PristinePantalones

      Tweet him, dood. Dudine. Whatevah.

  • OurHoboSenator

    My stinky rec league hockey equipment is drying out next to the TV. It's like I'm watching T-Paw in Smell-o-Vision.

  • Radiotherapy®

    T-Paw attacks first.

    • Nostrildamus

      It's like watching your pet turtle go over to the dark side.

      • PristinePantalones

        I was thinking of somebody's little fart of a yappy dawg, but "pet turtle" sounds good.

  • smashaduck

    A lawn is not the same thing as a country club!!!111!!

  • lefty74

    The turd in the punchbowl that looks and sounds the most presidential?
    Newt! Talk about a worlds tallest leprechaun contest.

    • widget2011

      I'm sure your being figurative, because short round is literally a mental giant, compared to the rest of the field, who are figurativly "mental midgets". I still hate his guts because of his "Contract on America", which helped accelerate a lot of the problems we are facing today,and the fact that he cheats on every wife he's ever had. Also he was getting illicit blojobs, while trying to impeach Bill Clinton for getting illicit blojobs.

      I also hate him because he is a big pulsating penis.

      • PristinePantalones

        I would dispute the "big." A multi-million dollar revolving account at Tiffany's definitely speaks of overcompensation.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    More fun if there were trap doors and one was eliminated after every round.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Even better would be Russian Roulette with one bullet in the chamber for each time they said "FREEDOM."

      • widget2011

        I say put six rounds in.

  • Callyson

    First urge to hit my TV set with Santorum going on about his hometown.
    My home state of PA deserves better…

  • hollywooddood

    Oh, dear. I had forgotten Newt Gingrich was running.

    • Limeylizzie

      So had the rest of the country.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Running up a tab a Tiffany's maybe.

    • Nostrildamus

      Nothing runs like santorum.

    • PristinePantalones

      See? You're guaranteed to succumb to alcohol poisoning.

  • Nothingisamiss

    I did not know that lots of you in middle America went to China and other Asain countries. Did you have a good time?

  • SorosBot

    Ugh, I feel dirty loading up the Fox "News" website.

    • Nothingisamiss

      It's not a good dirty, either.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    No Flag Pin on Santorum. Maybe he should move to France.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Lapel Libel!

    • PristinePantalones

      Harmony times do I have to tell you guys? "Rich, white, Republican male" = "flag pin not required."

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Mittens is a no term robot.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Robots are people too, my friend!

    • PristinePantalones

      He can see it all slipping away, and he's starting to smell of quiet desperation because he knows he can't fix it, he doesn't know what to do. My schaden freudeth over.

  • Callyson

    Bachmann is trying not to look smug at the mention of her and T – Paw in the polls…

  • Radiotherapy®

    Migraines? You want a migraine, it's T-Paw being the obama attack Dawg

  • smashaduck

    Careful there Tpaw…she'll cut a bitch!

  • Nothingisamiss

    I like that they're beginning to take (ridiculous) shots at each other. Retards meet kettle.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Mittens: Health care NAZI!!!

  • Callyson

    Shut up Michele the bell rang…bitch…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I hate all of them already!

    • Radiotherapy®

      They totally sucked at 8:59 PM EST

    • PristinePantalones

      So does the rest of America, pretty much. I mean, the fundraising numbers are scary (for Republicans) despite the super-PACs. Largest amt raised by Repubs – $18 mil (Romney; includes $$ from his own coffers); Largest amt raised by Dems – $86 mil (Obama, less than a month after announcing). This despite the endless drumbeat of how blacks are turned off by him, Jews hate him for his stance on Israel, he has turned his back on gays, who won't support him in the 2012 election, the unions are bitterly disappointed in him, and lefties and progressives will sit out the vote and refuse to fund him. Right. $86 mil worth of no-funding.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Shelley just totally pwned T-Paw.

    • SorosBot

      It looks like they're about to try and rip each others' heads off.

      • SheriffRoscoe

        Pawlenty thought he was going to play nice-nice again tonight. Shelley just showed him where the nice-nice "bar" was. Right up his ass.

  • Callyson

    Yes, Michele, the era of small government *is* over…ended under W with the PATRIOT act, if you'll recall…

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

      Definitely need some Glamazon action after that moran-fest on Faux!

  • Radiotherapy®

    Obama, Barack Obama, Unconstitutional, Obamacare, …..No taxes…..Dadinnggh

  • Hooray4Politics

    LightBulbPAC just saw its donations quadruple.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Great. The lightbulb freedom of choice act gets a big applause hit. Very important.

  • SorosBot

    So the open the live feed and the very first thing is Bachmann telling T-Paw he's just like Obama.

    And WTF is that about light bulbs?

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Flourescent lights: invented by Stalin

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Repukes: "Dirty expensive wasteful light bulbs for everyone!"

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Health Care: Practically invented by Hitler

    • Radiotherapy®

      He was especially was interested in delousing hygeine.

      • Nostrildamus

        No wonder this bunch is agin him.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ SpurningBeer

      Der Fuehrer originated the Hitlercratic Oath, as a matter of fact.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Or Bismarck, who actually instituted universal health insurance in Germany 50 years before Hitler came to power.

  • GuanoFaucet

    A dim bulb, Bachmann, introduced the Light Bulb Freedom Act. Makes sense.

  • Callyson

    This is getting fun, actually…love the infighting. Never thought I'd say this, but…
    Thanks, FOX!

  • Radiotherapy®

    She can shove a light bulb up Marcus' ass. Meeooww. Tip of the spear, chuck?

  • OurHoboSenator

    I don't want to think about Michele Bachmann and the "tip of the spear"

    Now Marcus Bachmann, on the other hand…

  • FakaktaSouth

    FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. T PAW going back up against Michele. If he'da said "It's not her spine, it's her crazy fucked up eyes" that woulda been better. And we wanted shed of you because YOU FUCKING SUCK YOU STUPID BITCH

  • Nothingisamiss

    Holy shit, these cretins are going to vote Shelly in.

  • SorosBot

    The moderator does not seem to like Mittens.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Well at least MIttens accounted for his accomplishments, which Bachmann needed *twice* prompting to stay on-topic. Still want to fact-check Mitt's unemployment rate claim though.

    • Barb

      Today, we are all moderators.

  • Callyson

    Mittens:
    Let me tell you how the free economy works. Those of us with money do what we can, those without suffer what they must…

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    KBJ:
    9:16 – Does Brett Baier’s head sort of look like a white Milk Dud with a toupee sitting on top?

    Well at least he's wearing a flag pin! I think?

  • Callyson

    Is it me, or are we seeing a lot of *blue* ties tonight?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Is it possible to "pray away" the Republican in these people?

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      No, but I'd be willing to try waterboarding it out.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Yes, but it runs into the closest pig, and the pig runs off a cliff, and you lose a lot of pigs that way.

  • Limeylizzie

    Ok, I don't drink or any of that stuff, but I do have some Codeine that my dentist gave me a couple of months ago, so I have taken two of those and am sitting in bed in my jammies and am feeling just about ready to switch from my imaginary gf, Rachel Maddow, to this hideous bunch of cunts.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Limey, you don't want to associate "bed" with this…….I'm sorry, you must drink the drug and move to another room.

      • Limeylizzie

        Too late , I am high and supine , like an odalisque.

        • CalamityJames

          Odalisque was my favorite Beck album.

        • PristinePantalones

          You do realize that you're just *feeding* my fantasies, don't you? There's something rackingly sexy about a woman who can use "odalisque" correctly in a sentence.

  • rocktonsam

    good thing this is in Iowa.

    the bullshit provided can be used as fertilizer.

  • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

    Hi Willard,

    You think you're the nominee. Maybe you are. But you're fucked, because you're a Mormon running for the President of the Bigot and Ugly Person Glory Jesus Convention and Jubilee. The fuck?

  • chairwomanwow

    you know what's worse than watching this on teevee? watching the fox news live feed during the commercials.
    "its very tough to go negative on a woman" Is that an oral sex joke?

    • Nothingisamiss

      God, no kidding. And what's with the bald guy's voice? He needs to cough up that hairball.

  • Callyson

    That commercial break was way too short…

    • Radiotherapy®

      dadinngg

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    What is a liveblog? What channel is this on?
    Whatevs, just go on, you whippersnappers.
    Fox is showing "Show You Think You Can Dance", shit do I have to go to CSPAN?
    I don't have cable or satellite.

  • Limeylizzie

    The commercials are fucking insane. That head of the Iowa Republicans makes me want to smash his face in with a pair of heels.

  • Callyson

    I'll bet Santorum could teach Gingrinch about discipline…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Gingrich is all standing around like he's Dean Martin and shit.

    • PristinePantalones

      Well, I'm certainly willing to believe the "shit" part.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    GOTCHA!

  • OurHoboSenator

    Ooh, Newt's getting SASSY

  • Radiotherapy®

    Newt wins the REagan award!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Reagan." DRINK!!

    • Radiotherapy®

      Damn you, you tax cutting dadinngg.

  • Callyson

    Gingrinch is mentioning McCain in a GOP primary debate? That's supposed to *help*?

  • SorosBot

    Newty, why is your campaign is such a mess? Hah!

    Newt: Ronald Reagan had staff resign!

  • Callyson

    Boos from the audience at the suggestion that a Republican is responsible for his record…

  • Rotundo_

    There are just some things I won't watch. Usually I draw the line at cruelty to animals including humans, wanton violence and hate and stupidity. This bunch cross the line in all dimensions simultaneously. I cannot believe that the wealthy in this country cannot buy a better class of representation. The europeans do it with class, with flair or in the case of Berlusconi, slapstick sex comedy, but there is at least something mildly amusing about bunga bunga anyhow. These assholes are just cheesy half assed semi professional grifters. America deserves better grifters than these.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      As Santorum would put it: here in the 21st century, "It's all showmanship, not leadership"!

    • fuflans

      this is one of the most poignant things i've read all night.

    • Negropolis

      I don't mind watching the debates, 'cause it's just fools making fun of other fools. I won't watch interviews of Republican candidates where softball questions are thrown and they are allowed to seriously prosthelytize. But, I really don't mind the debates. They are an entertainment; they are a legitimate circus.

    • LiveToServeYa

      This is especially ironic since America is the birthplace of Grifterism or where did all our snake oil come from?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      That's what happens when Grover Norquist and Rush Limbaugh are your Grifter-Brokers.

  • SorosBot

    "Institute Sigma Six." What the fuck?

    • Rotundo_

      It is butchering Six Sigma, one of those glorious business jargon laden ideas where you analyze a system and look for ways to make it more responsive to the people it serves. I theory it is the customers of the company undertaking Six Sigma. I don't think it means whatever these idiots are saying, unless they are analyzing how to completely rape the public sector and turn us into the movie "Brazil". If that's the case they may be right, but if they are thinking that government is like a business and applying business principles to it (in terms of cost saving as opposed to service improvement) these assholes will never figure it out. Republicans are great at being the loyal opposition, but they flat out suck at governing since they hate government in the first place. Voting for them is like hiring John Wayne Gacey as your baby sitter. Efficient, but not going to maintain the health of their charge for long.

      • SorosBot

        I think I remember Six Sigma on an episode of 30 Rock; it was ridiculous, and I assumed Tina Fey made it up.

        • Rotundo_

          GE is one of the biggest worshippers at the Six Sigma altar. Truth be told, in a manufacturing setting (where Toyota refined much of the dogma of it all) it can work wonderfully. It can do great things in making processes more streamlined and in reducing waste (of time and effort and material). But government is not a business and while it can use the methodology, the realities of a government and a company are different. That is why MBA presidents are not necessarily a good idea.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            Precisely — six sigma is a catchy shorthand for TQM or TQC or several other names for integrated design and process control — the methodology that the Japanese used to take the lead in quality manufacturing in the 70s and 80s (though it was invented by an American, it wasn't adopted by US companies until they'd had their asses roundly kicked).

            The thing is, it is a control methodology for MANUFACTURING processes and designs. It can indeed do great things in making better products more cheaply.

            It is so successful that there has been a natural tendency to try to apply it to non-manufacturing activities. There is very little evidence that it produces substantial results in such cases. This is fundamentally due to the statistical nature of the methodology.

            Anyone who cites "six sigma" as a magic wand to fix service industries (such as government) can immediately be identified as someone who does not understand the methodology, and doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            What is this "manufacturing" of which you speak? Is that when you arrange the pickles on the shitburger, or when the Barista spurts the moneyshot on top of the cappucino? Because the stork apparently brings all the hard goods to America.

          • PristinePantalones

            "Not necessarily"? Given our experience of MBA presidents, I'd say they've pretty much proved themselves to be a resoundingly bad idea.

      • glamourdammerung

        Republicans are great at being the loyal opposition

        Uhm, I must have missed that in between the screeching about "Second Amendment Solutions".

        • Doktor Zoom

          All those Confederate flags confuse the loyalty thing.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Obama's package is not big enough!

    • Limeylizzie

      Oh, I bet it is.

    • PristinePantalones

      You just know that whenever these rightwingers screech about this that they're envisioning themselves being in charge of "auditing" said package. They will weigh it in their hands, they will measure it with their mouths, they will beg for a slap on each cheek in order to best gauge its qualities, they …

      Right, what were we on about, then?

  • Callyson

    Huntsman is going to serve her now?
    JFC, is *every* Republican a sex fiend?

    • Radiotherapy®

      I like to serve in a sensitive position too!

  • Nothingisamiss

    Oh God, I do hate that smug m-fckr Chris Wallace, but this is really funny to see him turn his smug shit questions to the repugs.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Mike must be so proud.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Yeah, Fuck you Wallace!

  • chairwomanwow

    "When you love your cuntry, you service her."
    Huntsman! christ! More oral sex. This whole debate is about giving it to America in her ladyparts.

  • SorosBot

    Somehow I think this crowd doesn't object to Cain's anti-Muslim bigotry.

  • Callyson

    Cain: If anyone misunderstood my intent, I apologize to those idiots

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

    Hop on the CAIN TRAIN!

    • PristinePantalones

      It's rainin' Cain — urk. Never mind.

  • chascates

    So basically rich people are the backbone of this country, the unfortunates responsible for their own misery, and tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy the panacea Jesus and the Founders would want?

    Shorthand: She's a witch! BURN HER!!!!

    • Nothingisamiss

      You just summed up the entire debate. I applaud you.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Not enough meat lovers pizzas in Afghanistan!

  • Callyson

    "Conservative problem – solver"
    Oxymoron of the millennium…

  • Radiotherapy®

    Conservative problem solver, Pro-life, Pro-second amendment, secure the border.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Herman Caine would like you to know about the things that he has learned recently. These things will later be proven wrong, of course, and he will have to go and learn some new things.

    • fuflans

      this is a perfectly delightful post.

  • SorosBot

    John Huntsman, you've made statements indicating that you might not hate all Latinos; this is very disturbing.

    • berkeleyfarm

      RINO! RINO!

  • Callyson

    WHAT?!? Huntsman is not going to talk about anything else until the unsecurable border is secured?
    Well, that would spare us from hearing his opinions on other matters, so that works for me…

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

      Right. Vapid much, Jon no H?

  • smashaduck

    MORMON….he's a MORMON! He hates JEEBUSSS burn him!111!!!!!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Huntsman is sneaking in talking points around the question at hand. . ."When" elected President…" He's a stealth rhetoritician at the least, not even HIDING his grifter colors at best.

  • Radiotherapy®

    What about the northern border???!?

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Oh, they're white.

      • Radiotherapy®

        Wanna bet?

        • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

          Are we talking Canadians, or who people from Chicago call "Canadians"?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            There is nothing north of Chicago except Cheeseheads, Vikings and people who play football the wrong way.

    • Nostrildamus

      No worries. The Canadians are busy securing that one.

      • PristinePantalones

        And who can blame them, given our unending fascination with war, torture, and persecution of various people?

  • Callyson

    Thanks, Mittens, but I'd rather crack down on employers who outsource jobs to lower and lower wage nations…

  • Callyson

    Cain: Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

  • BlueStateLibel

    You must all have stomachs like iron to be watching this one. Many extra pee points tonight.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Word. I can't face watching this smug shitball jamboree.

    • PristinePantalones

      I didn't watch, dood, I snuck in late for the opinionifying.

  • Callyson

    High fences and wide open doors?
    Tease.

  • Limeylizzie

    Herman Cain looks as if he likes really, nasty, dirty, perverted sex…and that is the only good thing I can say about him.

    • chascates

      Anyone mentioned how the rioters in England are the pawns of liberals and unions yet?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      He does have that Chuck Berry "shit-in-my-mouth" air about him.

      • Limeylizzie

        Absolutely, he seems very odd, weirdly pompous and narcissistic also.

  • hollywooddood

    When are they going to get to the important stuff like defunding radio stations and gay weddings?

  • SorosBot

    Last time Cain was misquoted, this time he was only kidding. Has the man ever meant anything he's ever said?

    Oh, and the Constitution prohibits the states from making immigration laws, dumbass.

  • FakaktaSouth

    There are some bitchy twats up there and Michele is being the biggest dick. Neat.
    They are all trying to be cunty like SP though, so she should be proud.
    I thought the illegal immigrant thing was kind of working itself out, no?
    ALso, WHO is going to build the fence, and WITH WHAT MONEY? SPENDING SPENDING SPENDING. That's all these people wanna do.

  • smashaduck

    DEATH PANELS???? WHAT?1??

  • Limeylizzie

    What is with Newty and the smug, sideways glance? He also has very short arms, that has to be a curse.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Damn, he just ruined sideways for me.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Half man, half t-rex, all asshole.

      • CalamityJames

        Wait, do you mean McCain?

    • Nostrildamus

      He and Walnuts need to double team just to scratch their asses.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      It means he has a very short short-arm.

    • Doktor Zoom

      He's no Tom Servo.

      • Limeylizzie

        Mystery Science Theatre FTW!

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          MST3K fan? I am even more in love.

          • Limeylizzie

            Oh no, it was the Coupon Suzie that put you over the edge wasn't it?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Well, as I mentioned a while ago, I dated a very Suzy-esque lady in the mid-'90s.

    • PristinePantalones

      I don't know if I'll ever be able to listen to Tom Waits again. Thanks, Lizzie. Thanks a lot. Or should I be thanking Teh Newtered?

  • Callyson

    Glad Newt does not want to move anyone to CA's border…we've got enough problems in the Golden State…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    USA was built on high fences. We must have been absent from school that day.

  • rocktonsam

    I bet the Wallace/Newt make up sex will be awesome

  • chairwomanwow

    He could ram through Obamacare, but he couldn't ram through Latinos. And then he didn't clean up after himself

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    To reiterate, I am not actually watching this.

    • AJWjr.

      Yeah, me either. They fucked up running it against Rachel, to whom I am eternally loyal. Like a puppy. A gay puppy.

  • SorosBot

    If I took a shot every time I heard "secure the borders", I'd be dead already.

  • Limeylizzie

    Eww Mittens has very creepy hands also a very creepy soul.

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

      And way too much product in his hair.

      • Limeylizzie

        To say nothing of the Man-Tan.

        • SorosBot

          Huntsman is the same way, with both the tan and the hair. Maybe it's a Mormon thing?

          • PristinePantalones

            But does he have the creepazoid hands? The Hands of Manos?

    • PristinePantalones

      They look as if they've aged much faster than his face, don't they?

  • Nothingisamiss

    Soooooo….No one up there will answer the question asked. Ok.

  • SorosBot

    Man Byron York is a dork.

  • Callyson

    T – Paw: I got an A.
    Can't wait to see him go up against Rick Perry…

  • chairwomanwow

    Pawlenty: Good thing those other guys aren't running, because I'd be screwed.

  • Callyson

    The unborn need to be protected from Michele Bachmann.

    • PristinePantalones

      Girl, you can't go wrong protecting the born from her neither.

  • SorosBot

    Michele: T-Paw forced me to vote for cigarette taxes, for the fetuses.

  • Limeylizzie

    What a bitch fight between T-Paw and Shelley!

  • FakaktaSouth

    I fought against that tax, and then I voted for that tax, because taxes, abortion. And then TPaw calls her out. Damn I am LOVING these two.

  • Callyson

    This debate is giving a whole new meaning to Minnesota Nice…it's nice to watch the GOP infighting…

  • Radiotherapy®

    Cigarette taxes for the unborn!…

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

    Sheley will stone cold cut off T-Paw's nertz.

    • PristinePantalones

      I wish she would. I'm actually betting she'll *bite* them off, once she finds them. T-Paw looks like he might have mastered the art of having them climb back into the abdomen, though.

  • Callyson

    Ricky is getting jealous of the Minnesotans and wants to get in on the action…

  • SorosBot

    Santorum: I'm here too you guys, please ask me a question!

    • Nostrildamus

      A Divided Nation Speaks as One: "Shut up, Rick"

      • PristinePantalones

        One of the things that could definitely unite us as a nation: an overweening abhorrence for Santorum.

  • chairwomanwow

    They are apeshit for Michele in that crowd. Scariest thing ever.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Fuck you Santorum, no one wants to hear from you, you cretin.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Pawlenty: "Bitches always gotta get in the last word."

  • Callyson

    And are those white *polka dots* on Ricky's tie?
    How old is he, seven?

  • Callyson

    Yes, Ricky, we need to put more money in the economy…and when the bankers and the private sector do not do that, government does, by a real stimulus, you idiot…

  • SorosBot

    None of them will raise taxes, ever.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Seems logical.

  • http://archikvetch.blogspot.com/ archikvetch

    I get nervous when Timmy slams his fist like that… I know what he wants

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      To escape the crushing cloud of mediocrity which permanently hangs over his head?

      • PristinePantalones

        He's got a fucking prayer of ever doing that.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    And with a raised hand each, the candidates just admitted that the age of "across-the-aisle" bipartisanship is over.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Kitty Door's worst nightmare.

  • Callyson

    Newt, if you become president, I'll pick "shoot me in the head"

    • FlyOverGirl

      I might worship you from here on out.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Newt, makes perfect sense in sewer.

  • FakaktaSouth

    FUCKING AWESOME. 10 to 1 and still no. That kinda shows how serious they are about deficit reduction. David Frum is losing his fucking mind.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Ok, my head exploded because I do agree that the "supercommittee" is a dumb idea. Newt, I still think you're a douche.

  • Callyson

    Obamneycare…look at T – Paw's smug grin…

  • SorosBot

    This Wallace guy really wants to get T-Paw to tear into Mittens.

  • Limeylizzie

    T-Paw gets to call Mittens an asshole!

  • Callyson

    OT:
    My dog is looking at me with an expression that says "These people don't really exist, do they?"

    • PristinePantalones

      You let your dog watch this shit? Dog abuse!

  • smashaduck

    Seriously…we haven't had a "Reagan" in what, 3 minutes? No wonder these cretins hate everyone but crazy eyes.

  • Callyson

    Oh God–the 10th Amendment again? I'll see your 10th and raise you a 14th…

    • Radiotherapy®

      Oh God–defending romneycare over obamacare, like hitler is better than stalin.

  • Callyson

    As someone else here said, this moderator does NOT like Mittens…

    • SorosBot

      Now I have a name.

      • Callyson

        Sorry, SorosBot, this thread is so fast I can't keep up…
        :-)

    • Limeylizzie

      Yes, Chris Wallace gave him such a hatchet face just then.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Don't ask Mittens about what he did!

  • SorosBot

    Mittens: my health reform is different from Obama's because of state's rights.

    And Bachmann's never heard of car insurance I guess.

    • chascates

      Insurance is for those unwilling to make themselves rich or unable to gain God's grace.

    • Doktor Zoom

      But it's totally different, cause you can choose not to drive.

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        If only more American Patriots would choose not to get stitches when they receive gaping wounds. We don't have a healthcare crisis, we have an "Oh, oh, wittle itty baby wants to live" crisis.

  • smashaduck

    Mittens 'bout to take the mitten off.

  • FlyOverGirl

    All I have to say is: thank you, Dan Savage.

  • hollywooddood

    Did you see Michele's face? She's frothing from the vagina.

  • chairwomanwow

    OH shit Mitt: you just admitted that you implemented Obamneycare in Mass.!!

  • Callyson

    JESUS!
    Michele, if HCR were truly setting the price of healthcare, it would *not* have left control of providing healthcare to the freaking insurance companies.
    Terrifying to think that people will actually believe what she says…

    • Nothingisamiss

      Believe and repeat and repeat and repeat……..

  • Radiotherapy®

    let's ask them about Dental Insurance…just for fun.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Ron Paul a constitutional expert? Haha. Good one Chris Wallace.

  • Callyson

    Um, Ron, I *want* some space between me and my doctor, thanks…

  • SorosBot

    Ron Paul: free market free market free market.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Oh, God. Just so crazy.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Ron Paul gets Romney off the hook, by chopping his head off.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Santorum, minus one million pee points for mentioning evil guv John Kasich

  • widget2011

    OT, but I just heard on CNN that Rick Perry is "coming out of the closet."

  • http://archikvetch.blogspot.com/ archikvetch

    Mass Constitution! haha! Or, as we like to say down Mexico way, jajaja!

  • Limeylizzie

    WTF is Santorum talking about? He wants to implement bigamy?

    • Nothingisamiss

      I was so waiting for him to talk man-on-dog. Very disappointed.

    • PristinePantalones

      Have you seen his wife?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Ron Paul likes the free market! Rick Santorum will protect us from state-mandated sterilization!

    • AJWjr.

      I think he favors state-mandated fertilization.

  • smashaduck

    Whoever had 9:57 in the Santorum GAY pool, drink muthafucker.

  • Callyson

    "We're going to talk about a couple of people who are not here tonight"
    Palin and Perry bashing in 3…2…1…

  • SorosBot

    Which one of these people will misinterpret the constitution the worse?

    Ah, a break, I can refill my gin and tonic.

    • Doktor Zoom

      All of them, Katie!

  • http://archikvetch.blogspot.com/ archikvetch

    I'm canceling my car insurance right now, Michele with one L Michele

  • Radiotherapy®

    Mrs. Radio points out, the whole floor say Examiner. THE Right Wing Rag.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Someone may have brought this up already, but the one moderator is more than a little Eddie Munster-ish. I wonder if he has a stuffed werewolf stashed under that desk.

  • chairwomanwow

    "They are running for the highest office in the land, the debate should be about high things."
    seriously, legalize santorum.

  • smashaduck

    She went to get her shiv.

  • Callyson

    Oh boy, here we go about The Seceder…."

  • salt_bagel

    INVISIBL BACHMANN

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Bachmann forgot her migraine pills.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Did Bachmann espy a lesbian nun in the audience and duck & cover??…

  • FlyOverGirl

    Was there a line at the ladies room?

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

      Ask Marcus.

      • FlyOverGirl

        Ha! Brilliant. :)

  • SorosBot

    There's a lot of Paultards in the audience.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Ron Paul, Rebel!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Is Rick Perry outsmarting us? Well, hell, Chris, a wet dishrag could outsmart us. We're not exactly a high-wattage group.

  • Callyson

    OMG, I think Paul actually thinks he can win… Alzheimer's has taken control…

  • smashaduck

    Cuntest…truest thing said all night.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Herman Caine has no clue who Rick Perry is.

  • chairwomanwow

    On Fox live feed right now they are all agreeing the Newt is the smartest person on the stage and that he has no hope of winning. A man named Newt. Speaking truth to power. Oh, god its getting to me folks. I dunno if I can handle the swimsuit portion of the event….

    • PristinePantalones

      You're very brave, to put yourself in the line of fire like this. Posthumous honours will be granted.

  • Callyson

    Oh, Michele, your little love note to Saint Sarah is fooling no one…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Rick Perry. Savvy. OH HELL YEAH. That's always my first fucking thought.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Palin and her shotgun wedding campaign.

  • SorosBot

    It took over an hour to mention 9/11; I thought they'd never forget.

    And T-Paw takes a controversial pro-troops stand.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Just 30 shopping days left!

  • Callyson

    Yeah, let's support the troops by our deeds, T – Paw…we can start by not cutting veteran's benefits so that we don't have to tax the rich…

  • Radiotherapy®

    T-Paw, troops and poignancy ALWAYS sell.
    Obama, ruined the war, dadinngg!

  • Negropolis

    People often complain about Fox's ridiculous tilt, but watching this debate reminds you that the production values of Fox shows and events are equally shitty. This fucking thing looks like public access.

    Michele Bachmann missing in action coming back from last commercial was priceless. It's the perfect representation of who she is a politician and where her brains are: MIA. Always.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Romney vs. Romney! Boom!

  • smashaduck

    Tax cuts for Afghanistan!11!!!!!

  • OurHoboSenator

    Afghanistan must earn their freedom in the free market like a real free market businessman like Mitt

  • Callyson

    Mittens is questioning someone making a decision for political reasons? And he swung to the far right when running for president for…what reasons again?

  • smashaduck

    Don't quote me bitch!

  • SorosBot

    Mittens: it's wrong for the President to act as the Commander-in-Chief instead of doing whatever the generals tell him.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Just stop asking Newt GOTCHA questions, FOX news guy.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Definitely worth having the streaming comments turned on–the Paultards are out in force. It is amusing.

  • Negropolis

    Newton is getting angry because he's being quoted verbatim, bless his fat little nugget of a heart.

    • Nostrildamus

      Newt: "This is a totally different audience"

    • PristinePantalones

      "[…] his fat little ^shit^ nugget of a heart."

      FIFY, no need to thank.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "a President who changes his mind every other day"

    Newt, hyperbole is not your strong suit.

  • chairwomanwow

    Gotcha! is Newt's answer to every question.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Hacking? Hacking? On Fox? Who approved this question??
    ALso, when he just said that about hacking happening on "personal levels" – no one in the FoxtardNation had a CLUE as to what he was referring.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Shorter Newt: I will bomb the living fuck out of Iran.

  • http://archikvetch.blogspot.com/ archikvetch

    He DID say Cuntest!

  • Limeylizzie

    Huntsman seems so reasonable…he's toast.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I'm John Huntsman, and I hope you are vaguely aware of my existence. Frankly, I was surprised to hear the moderator say my name. Thank you.

  • Callyson

    Um, Huntsman is talking about the lack of dialogue between the US and China? What country was he ambassador for again?

  • Negropolis

    John Huntsman is just too damned reasonable for that stage. I swear I'm expecting to hear a Mormon "gee golly" out of him before the nights out.

  • SorosBot

    John Hunsman will give us a war on hacker. And he's decrying hacking private citizens on a network run by Rupert Murdoch.

  • Nothingisamiss

    OOooooooo Hillary! Scary!

  • Negropolis

    T-Paw is so fucking stupid. Keanu Reeves has better acting chops than this kewpee doll-looking muthfucka.

    • Limeylizzie

      He's such a milquetoast bastard.

  • Callyson

    Ron Paul: Nukes for Ahmadinejad!

  • chairwomanwow

    It bogs down my 'puter, but the streaming comments are worth it. My fave:

    "Comment From Truthshallmakeus Free
    RON Paul may be old, BUT HIS PRINCIPLES IS YOUNG EVEN THE CONSTITUTION. "

    • Nothingisamiss

      That is so full of win.

  • SorosBot

    Ron Paul actually makes sense on foreign policy; shame he's so insane on economic issues.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Way better than any other clown on that stage. Not saying much. Bad matzah balls, gefilte fish, Pizza talk.

  • Negropolis

    Ha! Ron Paul gets the biggest cheer of the night: Bring our troops home! Paultards out in full force tonight, eh?

  • smashaduck

    Seriously! Where the fuck is security???!?!!! Are the Paultards fucking breeding in that fucking upper deck?!!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Ron Paul Loves CASTRO!!!!!!!

  • Limeylizzie

    Iran is not Iceland, Ron! Fucking epic, ya foaming anused lunatic.

  • Negropolis

    Uh, oh! Some Paultard just literally went mad in the audience at Santorum.

    Santorum is getting pissed.

  • Callyson

    Damn, Paul is looking downright obnoxious…

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Yeah but he just pwned Santorum on the historic perspective, no?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Dear god–Santorum is claiming that Iran is the prime enemy in Iraq and Afghanistan?

    • PristinePantalones

      He's right, but not in the way he thinks.

  • SorosBot

    Santorum: I know the rules, but you guys haven't asked me any other questions so I'm gonna keep going!

  • Nothingisamiss

    It is scary when Ron Paul makes sense. He's a whackadoodle, however.

    • PristinePantalones

      The thing is, he makes great sense on a couple of narrow, specific issues. On everything else, especially his ties with the White Power nutcases, he's just as batshit insane as Michele BatGuanoInsaneMann.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I gotta say, I'm kinda paultarded on foreign policy sometimes. Mind our own business. Precious.

    • Nothingisamiss

      So hilarious to see him talk about the Iraq war lies on Fox news!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Ron Paul asks the moderator for more time to dig his hole deeper.

    • Negropolis

      I don't know, I think Santorum came off looking worse in the way he responded. The audience didn't seem to like it, that's for sure.

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        Unfortunately he hasn't amassed a small army of closted santorum-tards. Or Santardums maybe. Or Santorum-turds. I don't want to keep going.

      • Nostrildamus

        Being eminently unlikable is certainly an unusual political strategy, but that's Rick's game and he should run with it.

        • PristinePantalones

          Worked for him in PA!! (What did he lose by, 60%?)

  • smashaduck

    Careful there Cain with them "playas". They don't like it when you get too black.

    • PristinePantalones

      That's OK, he's a Real American Black Conservative on the Republican plantation. He's not gonna win anyway, might as well let him say what the hail ever he wants.

  • Callyson

    Cain wants to use *all* of our energy resources? Well, we Californians don't want drilling on our coast, so forget that idea…

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Yeah, you could probably power Indiana with the fucking grease off one Godfathers Pepperoni Pizza, when we gonna tap in to that reserve, Mr. Cain?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Let the blimp fly for freeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Michele Bachmann is the LAST person I want deciding who has rights under the Constitution.

    • PristinePantalones

      Hon, she has trouble "deciding" whether Marcus needs to prang her in the pink or the stink.

  • chascates

    How many times has 'Greece' and 'we're broke' been mentioned?

  • Callyson

    God, Paul *really* needs to learn how to be more concise, or at least to stop rambling…

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Ron Paul's having a James Stockdale senior moment.

  • smashaduck

    My secret paultard hates herself sometimes.

  • Negropolis

    Silly Ron, and his love of the "rule of law," and actually trying people in courts of law and shit. Isn't he just precious, up there?

    OMG, Santorum just seriously derided Iran for persecuting gays. STFU.

    • PristinePantalones

      He's just mad because they're horning in on his territory.

  • Limeylizzie

    Santorum is such a turd, more so than I had realised. Oh, wait he's in favour of Gay rights???

  • Callyson

    WHAT?!?
    RIcky is pro – gay rights now?!?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Ok….I'm late to the party….what'd I miss?

    Everyone's crazy and the eventual nominee (you know I'm right) isn't even there?

    Yup, last hour of my life was better spent not watching this.

  • SorosBot

    The Iranians were free under the Shah, Ricky? Really?

  • smashaduck

    WHOOOAAAAAAAAOOOOOOO Are you fucking kidding me? GAY RIGHTS???

  • FakaktaSouth

    Santorum says Iran is terrible on gay rights. I am now sober.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Rick, you don't give a rat's ass about the rights of women in Iran or anywhere.

    • PristinePantalones

      Hey, he thinks pinhead-sized fetii should not be "retraumatized" by being aborted after the rape or incest of their containers. Apparently the trauma of the containers is of no interest to him. So his concern for the rights of women in Iran must be because they're allowed to abort on demand there, or something.

  • Callyson

    "When we come back, we'll try to get hold of things"
    Ricky is pleased to hear that…

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      You are on a roll tonight! Thumbz aplenty!!

    • Nostrildamus

      Marcus probably has got a hold of a thing right now.

      • PristinePantalones

        He's got a Hincklehold on somebody's thing.

  • SorosBot

    Santorum and Paul now are the ones about to tear each other's heads off. I was right, it is a circular firing squad.

  • smashaduck

    Soshal ishuews …smokem if ya got em

  • FakaktaSouth

    Who is yelling at the Paultards? The SantorumLickers? PawlentyLovers? Bachmaniacs? I am seriously trying to figure this out.

    • Radiotherapy®

      I fucking hate pizza.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        PIZZA LIBEL!!1!

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      PawlentyLovers. A mythical creature like Bigfoot and the Lochness Monster, only never actually spotted.

  • Doktor Zoom

    The Ron Paul Show is amusing. Oh boy, social issues next! FETUSES FOR EVERYBODY! YOU get a fetus! YOU get a fetus! YOU ALL GET FETUSES!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    "We are writing him a check." Ron only accepts gold.

  • HarryButtle

    Simply couldn't bring myself to even watch. Reading teh Wonkette has been fun, though! Also.

  • Doktor Zoom

    ROFL… Hans Moleman on fox.com sez "if tonight is about looking Presidential, then Barack Obama is doing very well tonight."

    • Limeylizzie

      Who said that? Fucking excellent!

    • PristinePantalones

      Is he still employed by Fox?

  • Negropolis

    I want to punch Sanctorum in his fat head so badly. You don't fuck with Grandpa Paul; you let him talk, you roll your eyes, but you don't fucking attack him your frothy mix-head.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Social Issues, fuckyeah!
    My shoes explode, I lied. Dadinngg.

  • Callyson

    Um, Newt, how many Nazis and Communists served in the USG?
    (And no, that doesn't count the Nazis in the Republican party…)

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'm drinking.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Loyalty oaths for everyone! YOU get a loyalty oath! YOU get a loyalty oath! YOU ALL get loyalty oaths!

  • SorosBot

    You know who else demanded loyalty tests…?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Captain Black?

    • PristinePantalones

      Hitler. It's going to be my standard answer to everything today.

  • Negropolis

    Why is Harry Potter's (Byron York) father reading the guests questions?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      "Harry Potter's (Byron York) father "

      haha — perfect!! I was thinking the same thing.

  • smashaduck

    Yes blacky, why does the southerners hate the mormons more than you.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Herman ain't lying. Southerners don't dig on the Mormons. For real.

  • Callyson

    Mittens is grinning copiously as Cain lamely tries to explain the Mormon thing…

    • Nothingisamiss

      Grin away, Mittens, Fakakta is right. The Southerners are not down with the magic underwear people.

      • Nostrildamus

        What a great opportunity for a learning moment. Drop your pants, Mitt.

  • Doktor Zoom

    "it was not a dispersion on his religion…."

    • Nothingisamiss

      I does not care.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Herman is not focused on other people's religion, except when he is.

    • PristinePantalones

      Wasn't booting Muslims in the butt all LAST quarter enough for this guy? What is he, the biggest religious bigot on the planet? Here, Hermie — Mazie Hirono is a Buddhist and Fortney "Pete" Stark is an atheist. Go to town.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Cain. Casting dispersions on Romney.

  • SorosBot

    Cain: No I didn't mean I hate Mormons, I was just saying that all the other Southerners hate Mormons.

    I think this is the third time he's had to explain what he really meant in what he said before.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ SpurningBeer

    Typical pre-8/11 mentality.

  • smashaduck

    New drinking game if he lasts till the next debate….drink every time he says "cunstitution".

  • Negropolis

    Oh shit! Michele is gone. KOed.

  • Limeylizzie

    Shelley looks as if she just peed her pants.

    • Negropolis

      I love how they are actually quoting these bastards in context and making them own their comments.

      • Limeylizzie

        No kidding, I am shocked, it is the highpoint of the debate for me.

        • Negropolis

          I know what you mean. First, I can't believe I'm watching Fox for more than half-a-minute, and then second, they are actually asking them very good questions.

          • Limeylizzie

            The insanity of the candidates, with the possible exception of Huntsman, is so great that the moderators seem fantastic by comparison.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Audience no likey biblical questions.

    • Nothingisamiss

      They don't like any attacks on the biblical fundie interpretations.

      • SheriffRoscoe

        Because then they'd be forced to admit how stupid it is.

  • Doktor Zoom

    No way would Michele be submissive–clearly a top.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Got "GOTCHA" Michele?

  • SorosBot

    Oh god Byron York just asked Bachmann if her and Marcus are into submission. Ew.

  • Callyson

    Submission means respect?
    Also:
    War is Peace
    Ignorance is Strength
    Freedom is Slavery

  • BarackMyWorld

    The crowd doesn't like a question based on an exact quote.

  • GuanoFaucet

    I don't care what Bachmann says, Marcus is clearly the sub in that relationship.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Fuck me Michelle, a Godly man, respect, five children and 23 foster jubilees!

  • Limeylizzie

    When is this nightmare over?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      oh Lizzie …. I'll pour another bourbon-& ginger on your behalf…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Not in our lifetime, Baby.

  • Callyson

    And that's why we need to recognize marriage nationwide, Mittens…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    States should have the right to do what they choose……….UNLESS!……

  • Doktor Zoom

    Yay! Gay-bashing time!!!!!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Huntsman?, … is he the less "weird" Mormon?

    • Nothingisamiss

      See? People DO know who he is.

      • SudsMcKenzie

        Im all in

  • Callyson

    Huntsman has seven kids?
    His poor wife…
    …then again, I think I feel worse for Mrs Santorum…

    • PristinePantalones

      Only five bio kids. The Huntsmans have two adopted children. This guy looks right from the outside, but his inside is, sadly, just as fucked up as the others'.

  • Negropolis

    I weep for Huntsman.

    • Limeylizzie

      He has to be ashamed to be in such "august" company don't you think? He is a smart and seemingly decent man.

      • SorosBot

        It seemed that way until he started on the EPA's reign of terror bullshit.

        • Negropolis

          Well, everyone gets one.

      • PristinePantalones

        He only seems that way, love. As Governor of Utah, his response to polluters was a slap on the wrist (which is why he decries the EPA); understandably, since his father's company (which is where he gets his billions) is a major polluter. Google "Huntsman Odessa TX" for details. Also Google "Huntsman company jobs China" for information on Huntsman Chemicals' outsourcing of its production to China, where they can pollute far more freely, and have grown their business 59% as a result. He also supports the Ryan Plan, and is outspoken about the need to END Medicare.

        • Limeylizzie

          Now I hate him, thanks baby.

          • PristinePantalones

            I couldn't bear to think of *my* Limeylizzie possibly sharing some of that sweet, sweet lovin' with someone as undeserving as Huntsman.

    • AJWjr.

      He's a willing participant, fuck him.

  • SorosBot

    Foxnews.com online poll, any question that begins "How" is not a yes or no question.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Romney's not helping the argument that he's not a flip-flopper with his anti-state rights marriage answer.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Rick Perry will outlaw Mormans!

  • SorosBot

    Paul, how can marriage be between a single man and a single woman? If they're married they're not single.

  • Callyson

    I was wondering how long it would take Ricky to get to polygamy…asshole…

    • PristinePantalones

      It's his chickenshit way of getting at both teh GHEY and hitting the Mormon candidates below the belt. What a jerk.

  • OurHoboSenator

    The people of Iowa are in a forced gay marriage? Kinky.

  • SorosBot

    Now Santorum thinks there's a pro-polygamy movement out there right now.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Santorum will now tell us about man-on-dog marriage

    • Nothingisamiss

      Soooo disappointed he decided he wouldn't go there.

  • smashaduck

    Because we can't have justices following laws or constitutions. Fuck that.

  • Callyson

    Santorum wants to say you can't have 50 different state laws on marriage? Is he utterly unaware that we *do* have 50 different state laws on marriage?
    Jesusfuckingchrist…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Next debate just by Twitter!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Michele thinks marriage should be one *gay* man, one woman.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    Rick will fight to keep you from getting gay married. If that means he has to get naked and tackle two gay men in a pool of baby oil, he'll do it! He will! He's offering! Please!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Woohoo! Jail the doctors!

  • Negropolis

    "man-woman marriage"

    Michele, you are a national treasure. A gross, obnoxious, repugnant treasure.

  • salt_bagel

    Bachmann inadvertantly coins the term "man-woman marriage". I like it.

    • PristinePantalones

      Thereby lending sanction to the "man-man" and "woman-woman" marriages she so hates. Isn't she remarkable?

  • smashaduck

    Wait, so if we kill the rapist then we can kill the fetus right? I'm totally fine with that actually.

  • Doktor Zoom

    women who get raped should accept the gift of a baby, because God sent it

    • Negropolis

      I tell you what, when I get an unwanted gift, I take it back to the store.

      • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

        When I get an unwanted fetus I take it back to God with an abortion.

        • Negropolis

          Yeah, that was kinda the joke. Thanks.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Don't retreat, regift!

  • Nothingisamiss

    Holy fucking shit, I now really hate fucking Santorum with this rape child business.

  • Callyson

    WHAT is Ricky going on about how? How the fuck is a fetus that was conceived via a rape violated *twice* if the woman has an abortion? Did the rapist rape the fetus or the woman?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Maybe the fetus was a victim the first time because it had to be inside a woman's uterus after the woman got raped?

      Or Santorum is a fucking moron.

      • PristinePantalones

        Both.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Santorum is against polygamy, but for killing doctors.

    • PristinePantalones

      Well, that's gonna do a whole fucking lot for the state of health care in this country.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Women who have been traumatized by rape shouldn't be traumatized again by abortion? Seriously, FUCK YOU, Ricky.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Snark off, I don't know why it has taken me 30 years of thinking about abortion to see that the main issue is NOT when a fetus becomes human, but that nobody should be FORCED to risk their life for months for someone else against their will. Not-quite-fully-human-ness just underlines that point.

  • SorosBot

    Santorum needs to remind us that he hates women, too, not just gays and Muslims.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "big enough", Santorum-sanctimoniousness, our country should be, to embrace the well-being of human life BEYOND the fetal stage. Prove it, don't hide behind easy moralizing.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Kitty Door says it's all the EPA's reign of terror and Obama failed economic policies.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    Aw, your little rape reminder is adorable. Looks just like your dad.

    wtf, Rick.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Get Donald Trump back!

    • Negropolis

      Just think of the ratings. They'd be (H)UGE!

    • PristinePantalones

      I can't believe I actually concur with this sentiment. I despise that stubby-fingered vulgarian.

  • GuanoFaucet

    And the "Who hates women the most" lightning round is finally over.

    • Callyson

      All of 'em, Katie…

  • Doktor Zoom

    Tpaw doesn't want to jail women who murder their babbies? SOFT ON CRIME

  • Callyson

    Oh God–individual unemployment savings accounts?
    Riiight…because people who are not making enough to get by even when they do have a job have lots of money to save up for the next GOP recession…

    • BarackMyWorld

      I'm guessing he's not counting on unemployed people voting. Or employed people, for that matter.

  • Limeylizzie

    Uh-oh, Mittens wants to give us all some kind of allowance rather than unemployment.

    • PristinePantalones

      I've got his allowance right heah.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Shorter Romney: I believe the government shouldn't interfere in the economy, therefore let's replace Obama for not fixing the economy the government shouldn't be interfering in.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      It's more like conceptual douchebag art than actual discussion and ideas which make sense.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    GOT "GOTCHA," HUNTSMAN??!?

    Go ahead and dodge the question, it's in keeping with several of your peers here.

  • Negropolis

    "EPA reign of terror"

    Et tu, Huntsman?

    BTW, damn if these questions aren't passive-aggressive as hell.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      "Terrorist" seems to be an equal-opportunity slur in this debate room, doesn't it?

  • SudsMcKenzie

    … wait a hold it Mittens, my unemployment account will now be my "own" funds?. ohhh, I'll be like my own corporation?

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      Mitt has this insane idea that has been floating around that unemployment insurance should be privatized.

      Now imagine a major economic depression. Millions of people try to collect their insurance and boom every insurance company becomes insolvent just like when the credit default swaps came home to roost.

      • SudsMcKenzie

        just give me everything i have ever paid into unemployment and there will be a Teddy Bear pick nick tomorrow.

  • Callyson

    Yes, Huntsman, we need to make things in this country again…by not giving tax breaks to companies that outsource jobs…

  • salt_bagel

    Huntsman: If that smoke ain't billowing, America ain't makin any jobs.

    • PristinePantalones

      He should know all about smoke billowing. Onto people of a darker shade, anyway. Google "Huntsman Odessa TX."

  • SorosBot

    Huntsman will stop the EPA's reign of terror. Once again, what the fuck?

  • Limeylizzie

    Ok, Huntsman just lost me with his "EPA reign of Terror" Wanker.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Golly, Bachmann is undeterred by reality

  • smashaduck

    It's not a blank check if it has a number on it, Michele …WITH ONE L.

  • Limeylizzie

    Fuck you Shelley, it's not a blank cheque if it has an amount on it, you dozy, wall-eyed cunt.

    • PristinePantalones

      "Odalisque" on the one hand, and "dozy, wall-eyed cunt" on the other. I'm in heaven.

  • FakaktaSouth

    The debt ceiling caused what, the stock market going down or up this week?
    OH MY GOD – We don't have an ability to pay our debt…
    ..BECAUSE OF FUCKTARDS LIKE MICHELE BACHMANN who want to stop us. Period.
    They are using S&P regardless of the facts, ain't they?

  • Callyson

    No, Michele, S&P said we are incapable of coming together to solve the debt issue. Largely due to the unwillingness of Reeps to negotiate anything at all…

    • PristinePantalones

      Actually, S&P flat-out stated that the Reeps' downplaying of the enormity of debt default was what caused the downgrade. Not that Michele will ever tell anyone that, of course.

  • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

    Oh noes there is a black person speaking instantly -80%.

  • SorosBot

    It's easy to fix the debt, just cut those things, and those other things! Man Cain is incoherent.

  • Negropolis

    Michele just said something economically re-tarded.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Thatre is no such word as "tarded." Dadinngg. good Night! i love all you fucks.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        "Does it to you?"…

        Tonight, the ginger & bourbon did..

  • BarackMyWorld

    Cain: that idea will work this time because I'm the one proposing it, although I don't care if they actually do it or not.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    What "growth decisions" have our corporate cronies been making on behalf of job creation lately, Cain??

    • Radiotherapy®

      Pizza!

  • Callyson

    Cain: one tax cut is not enough…
    …wasn't there a trashy novel called "Once is Not Enough"? I seem to remember my mom would not let me read it…

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Is it true what they say about Black Presidential candidates?, …. its twoo, its twoo

  • SorosBot

    ..and Cain goes right into tax cutting right after that. Which is it, tax cuts or eliminate the deficit? These are mutually exclusive.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I watched 10 minutes of this until it hit me that every single one of the people on that stage is a bigot. So now I'm back to drinking in the dark.

    • Negropolis

      Huntsman isn't from everything I can tell. But, he's probably the only one.

      • OneYieldRegular

        okay, fair enough – he wasn't on during my 10 minutes. Has he walked off the stage in disgust yet, by any chance?

  • SorosBot

    Regan, drink!

    Oh good, she's asking Paul about the Fed; time for some crackpottery.

    • BarackMyWorld

      And so he could remind us that Reagan was for sound money…wait, whhhaattt???

  • Doktor Zoom

    Abolish the Fed, go back to the gold standard, and get Americans growing their own survival seeds again

    • FakaktaSouth

      He would also let folks grow their own weed (legally) As this is one of the top cash crops in my state already, I figure we might be on the weed standard pretty quickly here.

  • salt_bagel

    It's been a while since there was a big Paultard hootenanny. Oh wait, here's some crap about the Fed.

  • Negropolis

    Rick Santorum has the largest forehead I've seen in many moons. Good god if that puppy ain't the size of a small dog.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I wonder what he does with the extra space.

      • Negropolis

        Well, the larger the cushion the better, well, you know the rest.

  • Callyson

    Actually, Ricky, the Tea Party leadership = FOX News. They won't appreciate your comment on the people leading at all…that is, if they take it (or you) seriously…

  • SorosBot

    Oh good it's almost over.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Whoohoo–there's a Paultard in the Fox comments saying 'if you don't vote for Ron Paul your a communist and should be deported to China"

    I love these guys

  • Limeylizzie

    I love that word, I use it in my sex life and on Wonkette…differing reasons but similar results.

    • smashaduck

      It's a beautiful word. A very beautiful word. Fuck now I'm thinking about cunts. Drink!

      • PristinePantalones

        A cunt is a beautiful thing. Although Gropecunt Lane in London is perhaps not the best use of that beautiful word.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      "Snatch" is my favorite word for the silk purse. It makes me all mouth-watery tingly.

      • Limeylizzie

        Snatch is good, but during the love act it has to be either “cunt” or “pussy”.

  • Negropolis

    Sweet, sweet relief. It is nearly over. Surely, god is a merciful god.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Let's finish up like it's Jerry Springer. They got a bell and everything!

  • BarackMyWorld

    There's an anti-Medicare cuts ad on right now. Because government shouldn't get to run Medicare. No kidding.

  • Callyson

    No, Michele, the American people repeatedly said they wanted compromise and balance, including new revenues, in all the non – FOX polls…

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Freudian slip, Huntsman? "for our schools to secede" — I'm sure that's what you actually meant. Wanting schools to 'succeed' is so 20th century.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Huntsman: "I'm a little different than everyone else here. I'm not completely stupid."

  • Doktor Zoom

    Huntsman seems pretty bright. Too bad that doesn't count for much in that party anymore.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    … meanwhile, Sara Palin is watching repeats of "Ice Loves Coco" at the Ames Quality Inn.

  • salt_bagel

    Huntsman is the odd guy out. He says we should never default and two people clap.

    • gullywompr

      Yeah, how about that. One sane guy in a frothing sea of froth. He doesn't stand a chance.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Huntsman is, in effect, primarying Obama from the right, but there are no crabs within a thousand miles of where he has dropped his pots.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Huntsman calls Teapartiers a bunch of paste-eating poop-smearing retards.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      He's being really kind then.

  • salt_bagel

    WHOA WAIT A SEC IS "SPECIAL LIGHTING" THE NEW SLANG FOR BLACK?!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Yay! Closing soundbites statements!

  • Limeylizzie

    What a load of cobblers this is, how can anyone in their right mind think that any of these Luddites could be a better President than Barry???

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      President Mittens with a magically Democratic Congress is what's best for America, get with the program!!

  • Callyson

    "National media may not pay a lot of attention to us"
    RIcky, don't the people on your side of the aisle brag incessantly about FOX' ratings?

    • SorosBot

      Well they don't pay attention to Rick, just the candidates who might win the nomination.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I totally want to kick Rick.

    • BarackMyWorld

      We all do.

    • DahBoner

      Let me roll him…

  • smashaduck

    I'll kick your fucking frothy tires…ew no I won't.

  • SorosBot

    Santorum can beat incumbent Democrats … and be beaten as an incumbent Republican.

    • PristinePantalones

      He lost to the last one by 60%.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Herman Cain has a great baritone. Young man has a bright future in voiceover work.

  • Limeylizzie

    Herman Cain is spouting poetry, dear God, when will it all end?

  • Callyson

    So, Paul wants to work for liberty…by serving 35 years in government…which denies liberty according to him…
    I has a confuzed…

  • smashaduck

    Ron, Ron, Ron, don't say "down on" near Ricky.

  • SorosBot

    Ron Paul does not understand the meaning of liberty, does he?

    GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD

    • DahBoner

      "GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD"

      Who could have ever predicted that like any Republican pirate, Ron Paul is only after your booty?

  • BarackMyWorld

    No need to argue, Obama just don't understand.

  • Limeylizzie

    Mittens needs to stop smacking his lips before he speaks, it's repulsive.

    • Steverino247

      He's a lizard. They do shit like that.

  • smashaduck

    Oh. My. God. we're still talking about "organizer"?

  • SorosBot

    Barack Obama has never worked in the real economy, Mittens? I guess working for a law firm and as a law school professor aren't "real" jobs.

    • fuflans

      and neither has michele ma bell.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Certainly, that can't compare with inheriting a fortune and "working" as a corporate raider.

      • DahBoner

        "Certainly, that can't compare with inheriting a fortune"

        BINGO!!!

        If you weren't born with a Silver Spoon in your mouth, you're not successful in the "real world"…

    • PristinePantalones

      Well, unless you're the owner of some enormous raider firm like Bain Capital, you're not holding a REEL JERB. You know. It's just like REALAMERIKKKANZ(tm).

  • Callyson

    Michele: Iowa can bring Obama's power to an end…
    …how many electoral votes does Iowa have again?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Two years from now would be an EXCELLENT time for R's to turn out to vote agains Obama…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    FREEDUMB!!!!!11!

  • BarackMyWorld

    The Iowa straw poll is going to end the Obama presidency?

    Michele Bachmann is soooo ridiculous.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

    Wait, what? Obama got his start in Iowa? I thought it was Illinois, but perhaps not…..

    • PristinePantalones

      Is Michele frothing again? Tossing Marcus' salad will do that to a woman, I suppose.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Huntsman channeling Jimmy Carter's "malaise" speech there? Interesting strategy…

  • Negropolis

    Is Huntsman…crying? And the Emmy goes to…

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Jon huntsman for his portrayal of john boehner in tonights episode of "america's got political herpes'

      • Negropolis

        I was going to say Sarah Palin, because she expects to win everything off the backs and performances of everyone else.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    Well, this has been one epic night of Wonkette. Thank you all.

    Huntsman crying? Gotta go.

  • Limeylizzie

    Huntsman knows he has no chance among these freaks.

  • gullywompr

    Newt soooo knows he's dropping out in a week or two…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    No animals were harmed during the making of this program.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      No actual humans appeared onstage during this broadcast.

    • PristinePantalones

      I love animals, and would never hurt them in any way, although that has never stopped me from enjoying them on the dining table. And although I can profess neither love nor culinary interest in the current Republican presidential lineup, I wouldn't shed a tear if anyone KICKED THEIR COLLECTIVE NUTBAGS TO A FUCKING PULP.

      Ah, that feels so much better.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    BREAKING: Asking Newt For A Closing Statement Not A "Gotcha" Question.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      I just wonder if he's flying home in coach.

      • Nostrildamus

        Nope, coach turns into a pumpkin at midnight.

  • Callyson

    Newt: the election is 15 months away…
    …as amusing as this freak show has been, 15 more months of this may yet make me insane…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Need. More. Alcohol.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Your party's "crisis", Newt, is no viable Republi-contenders for the highest office in the land seem to have surfaced, as much as you all are trying.

  • salt_bagel

    Ah, Brett with a ripping jape at the loud Paultard's expense. Pip pip!

  • Callyson

    And now for some words of wisdom from Elvis Costello:
    I used to be disgusted
    But now I'm just amused http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndI-OXaYKE

  • Nothingisamiss

    I may not get these last 2 hours of my life back, but I think I may have the drugs to forget they ever happened.

  • SorosBot

    And that's it. Thanks, Kirsten!

  • Negropolis

    America can't be this stupid, you guys. God, please don't let America be this stupid come election time.

    10:59 – Congressman Ron Paul’s closing statement: “I AM SO OLD. GOD. MONEY. LIBERTY. NO WARS. I AM OVERHEATING. GAH.”</blockquotes>

    Thanks for this, Kirsten.

    • Doktor Zoom

      American exceptionalism: We can out-stupid ANYONE

  • salt_bagel

    And now Frank Luntz of the Luntz Global Luntzes will weigh in while wearing nine pounds of makeup.

  • Callyson

    Somehow, I made it through the debate without drinking–loved the infighting–but this insipid post – debate commentary is intolerable. Off to the bar…bbl…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh geez. I just got an eyeful of Sean Hannity and Frank Lutz in HighDef. That is some fucked up shit.
    Yee Haw motherfuckers – that was a trip (and totally worth the loss in p-ness size).
    AIght President Barack Obama, if you don't kick these cocksucking, imbecilic, evil-wrong dipshits in the face, I just don't know how much more I can take…

    • SorosBot

      I turned it off the second I heard "Up next: Sean Hannity". Ugh no.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I rather like that all 4 of the Fox.com webcast commentators hated the debate format on their own network.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Needed more Thad McCotter.

    Oh, who am I kidding? Nothing needs more Thad McCotter.

  • Callyson

    Had to cleanse my TV after watching FOX, so I've switched to the Logo network. Re – Run of RuPaul's Drag U…perfect!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Someday, Wonkette will have the "dignity" to allow an editor to actually have cable TV and a (separate} working internet connection.

  • snicker snack

    I did it! I clicked on the Kortney link. I totally expected to see delicious animals in horrific conditions. I did not expect that the first image in that video would be a saggy, pompous Paul McCartney. Why couldn't they have started with Kortney deep throating that cucumber?

    • BarackMyWorld

      I didn't think they showed Kortney at all.

    • Nostrildamus

      that cucumber

      Sir Paul?

    • AJWjr.

      You sure that wasn't Angela Lansbury?

    • mumbly_joe

      I, for one, am shocked -SHOCKED!- that PETA would resort to such despicable bait-and-switch tactics to get people to click their ads. That seems so unlike them.

      Fortunately it did also prompt me to use the google to see if such a thing actually exists at all, and… here

  • MozakiBlocks

    Over 500 comments? What the hell happened?

    Did God actually smite one of these fuckers live on stage?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Comedy happened. Sweet, sweet, alcohol-fueled comedy.

      • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

        Don't forget the MJ as well.

  • El Pinche

    HAHAHA..I'm watching it through Wonkette comments. Fuck Ames…Swamp People is on right now.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Best part for me was when they asked Ms. Bible Thumper Shelley if she really believed all the bullshit that's in there in regard to her possessing a pussy and the audience booed. SO. LOUDLY.

      • El Pinche

        Sounds juicy ….that part of the debate not Shelley's pussy , of course. That vagina has been dried up and fused shut by the hands of time.

  • fuflans

    man. i am so sorry i missed this.

    wait. no, no i'm not at all.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      You didn't miss anything interesting, save perhaps Newt's tiny t-rex arms flailing as he repeatedly calls "gotcha question"

  • genxr

    What? What'd I miss?

  • berkeleyfarm

    I was at a zoning meeting tonight with the usual cast of Berkeley characters, which surprisingly appears to have less likely to make me want to icepick my head.

    I can identify all of the Seven Dwarves with Snow-White Crazy-Eyes in the photo EXCEPT for the one in the upper right hand corner. Who dat?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Is it the guy who played the synthetic dude in Aliens?

    • Negropolis

      City council meetings are the best local television, hands down. In my city, we had a woman that used to wear a tiara to every meeting while berating the council, and another woman used to come down clearly off her medication and so distracted by things in the air it was rather hard to watch her speak.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    So "Hopey" wins cause he has "1 billion dollars", and then we all hope he can do stuff because this is his last election and his next decision is where the library is.

    So this is something. …. these other people.

    • Negropolis

      Wha?

  • flamingpdog

    I only missed this because I was out all day looking for a polling place in Wisconsin to cast my vote in the recall election. The card in the mail did say the 11th.

  • fuflans

    that graphic is pretty fucking awesome btw. even if michele looks way more natalie portman than she deserves.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The best way to experience these people writhing on the ground and speaking in tongues is through Wonkette comments after the fact than watching it live. My remaining shards of sanity thank the commentariat.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Heading out now. to the vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic roll on under the night, to watch the Perseid meteor shower and wipe these termites from my mind.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    He's channelling an ancient OBGYN named Glod.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    My thanks to the Wonkommenteers. I believe I've grasped the essential points of the debate (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) (1) in a quarter of the time (I did read all the comments), and (2) with far less danger to my sanity.

    HAHAHAHA. Essential points of debate. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Whatta buncha maroons.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      I'm with you.

  • http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/457419391/riot-on-the-dance-floor smokefilleddoommate

    Parade of the horribles.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Les Horribles.

    • PristinePantalones

      Usually referred to as "imaginary horribles," but in this case, they were all too horribly real.

  • finallyhappy

    Just read the comments and never looked at the debate. Thank you, Wonketteers for saving me the angst and pain of watching these morons.

  • freakishlywrong

    625 comments! I can't and will not watch Fux, so I just read my way through that debacle. What an embarrassing spectacle. These are candidates for President of the United States for fucks sake.

  • jus_wonderin

    Ah, this would have been soooo much more fun with Sarah in the mix.

  • stew1

    "Wives, submit to they closeted gay husbands–be thou fabulous in their presence," Corinithians 5:Somthing.

  • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Suq Madiq

    K-Bo Jo deserves the rest of the year off for having to watch that for us. But I still need to read more than four posts up in here today.

  • stew1

    Actually, we need more submissive women in congress–someone has to serve the snacks at those long, committee meetings.

    • jus_wonderin

      OT: How is it you have 0 thumbs up when you just had 2? I thought we couldn't be downfisted anymore?? Argh. Mysterious-nous

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    I feel like a winner. My tv stayed off all night and I found a less painful excuse to drink to excess.

  • Oblios_Cap

    you couldn't have paid me enough to sit my corporate ass down and watch that clown show.

    Four more comments and we're, fittingly, at 666.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    All I know is I'm glad I'm not the poor sap that has to clean the stage where Santorum was standing.

  • http://sahinnparadisegelenekselramazancoskusu.net/ şahinnparadise

    Shelley just totally pwned T-Paw. http://sahinnparadisegelenekselramazancoskusu.net

  • Winston_Blake

    Sodom Hussein Obama is just a lawn jockey for the corporate welfare plantation.

  • Limeylizzie

    It's because I was raised by my dad with one older brother, so I am basically a teenaged boy with tits.