THE DEATH OF CIVILITY  9:03 pm August 11, 2011

Liveblogging the Ames GOP Presidential Devil Clown Anger Match

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

ORGY IN HELLIs everyone clutching a bottle of Advil in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other? Does it matter which hand is holding which? NO! Tonight we will watch all 83 GOP presidential candidates stand together on a stage in Ames, Iowa and real-life Twitter incomplete sentences with all the fury of James Joyce on an amphetamine binge TIMES ONE HUNDRED at one another in order to win America’s eternal disdain. Who will be the winner? Tim Pawlenty, if his place at the lectern has not been replaced by a rusty stop sign before the end of the debate. HERE WE GO!

11:03 – AND WOW THAT WAS THAT. Who won? Uh… Sasha Obama? She was the only person we did not see screaming on stage. Tim Pawlenty, it was nice meeting you, but not! For anyone still sober enough to read these words, we are very sorry you cannot afford booze. GOOD NIGHT.

11:01 – Jon Huntsman is so sorry that America has cancer. Really, he’s very sorry.

11:00 – Michele Bachmann: “I am so tired I can no longer speak. PRAGOBAMA GRRR IOWA.” And Pawlenty comes back from the penalty box to do his best Ronald Reagan impression.

10:59 – Congressman Ron Paul’s closing statement: “I AM SO OLD. GOD. MONEY. LIBERTY. NO WARS. I AM OVERHEATING. GAH.”

10:56 – The Fox News debate producers just started to turn off the lights in the debate hall while Herman Cain was speaking. They are as bored as everyone else. “OH WHAT, this is still going on? Oh, shit. Sorry, our bad. Yeah, we’ll leave the lights on a few more minutes, whatever.”

10:54 – It’s hard to tell, but it looks like there is some guy sitting in the background of Brett Baier’s camera who is wearing sunglasses and a dinosaur hat. We will be voting for that guy.

10:48 – Newt Gingrich is against switching to the gold standard. How about a DIAMOND STANDARD, huh?

10:47 – WAKE UP NEWT, there is another question for you. Oh, monetary policy. We just fell asleep.

10:40 – Mitt Romney would like to privatize unemployment benefits. Otherwise known as a “job.”

10:38 – Fox News makes fun of the cranky debaters on Twitter: “Commercial breaks allow candidates to take out mouth guards and rinse. #gopdebate”

10:35 – OH YAWN Rick Santorum “will have to marry all of his children the next time gays marry” or whatever.

10:29 – Michele Bachmann cannot shoot these lasers out of her eyes hard enough. When she said she “submits” to her husband, she was not talking about her sex life. The correct euphemism for living in abstinence with your gay husband is “respect,” says Michele.

10:27 – Newt Gingrich is against this “The New York Times bomber” from Pakistan.

10:22 – The Fox News talking heads speaking during the break on the livestream: “The only person who looks presidential tonight is Barack Obama.” Let us check what livestream we are watching, because that does not sound right.

10:20 – Wow. When did Ron Paul become the most sane person in the room? “Government should not assassinate its citizens.” We are writing him a check.

10:15 – There is Rick Santorum. He has something to say about “Afghanistanians.” He wars them in his wet dreams.

10:14 – Ron Paul is defending Iran’s right to own nuclear weapons. I’m Ron Paul, and I invented hippies.

10:13 – Governor Pawlenty, would you eat food with a fork like President Obama, or just mash the meat with your thumbs? THERE SHOULD NOT BE A THREE STOOGES MOVIE ABOUT ISRAEL.

10:10 – Rick Santorum was also abducted from this debate. Or possibly he wasn’t, but there is no way of knowing because we saw him once maybe an hour ago. Jon Huntsman suggests that the Chinese may have taken him. Good try, China. Keep him.

10:09 – Newt Gingrich’s definition of “gotcha” question is just any question he doesn’t want to answer. He will flail his arms to prove his point.

10:06 – 5% fewer fake humans responded “yes” to the FoxNews.com question “should we withdraw from Afghanistan?” after hearing Tim Pawlenty speak.

10:03 – Michele Bachmann was recovered from outer space, and she does not regret making out with Sarah Palin in college.

10:01 – MICHELE BACHMANN WAS ABDUCTED OR NO SHE WAS RAPTURED, hahaha everyone else is doomed.

9:57 – Rick Santorum: “Abraham Lincoln said we are a nation that was built on a moral enterprise. And states don’t have the right to tramp over those.” Slavery/Civil War/ Gay marriage, same thing. Rick Santorum will lead your civil war against the gays.

9:57 – Oh the Paultards in the crowd are all riled up now. Screaming “PAUL U ROCK” like this is a KISS concert or something.

9:55 – Is it creepy or what to keep watching “The Examiner” logo on the background next to Michele Bachmann’s vacant space lizard impression? EXAMINE MY HEAD. EXAMINE ME.

9:50 – Fact check: Tim Pawlenty left Minnesota with a $6.2 billion budget deficit. Is that relevant? No.

9:49 – Is Ronald Reagan’s corpse watching this debate from hell? Ronald Reagan: “UNNNNNGGGGHHH ME LOVE NEWT GINGRICH SKINNY TIE.”

9:46 – Hahahahaha this joke will never get old. Rick Santorum said, “exploded.”

9:45 – We have reached an Important Conclusion that a Bachmann/Pawlenty road trip sitcom is the movie that America needs. OH WOAH all the fighting. Gettin all Jerry Springer in here now. BOOOOOOS. CLAP CLAP CLAP. BOOOOS.

9:43 – Michele Bachmann: “You can get money wrong, you can’t get life wrong.” Tim Pawlenty responds: “What’s wrong with that answer is that answer.” Is this debate even being conducted in English?

9:42 – There is total silence in the audience as Tim Pawlenty speaks. Everyone has fallen asleep in the last 20 seconds.

9:40 – Mittens’ voice is so silky. His hair is very silky tonight, too. Is that the Mormon glow or is that just us?

9:36 – Herman Cain explains the fundamentals of comedy to his Fox News audience. “Alligators trying to eat illegal immigrants is pretty funny.”

9:33 – There is now a new moderator, some lady from Law and Order.

9:29 – Chris Wallace to Jon Hunstman: “How many times a week do you have sex with Barack Obama, and does that disqualify you from running as a Republican?” Jon: “I’m proud of that. Lots of people want to have sex with Obama, including you.”

9:27 – Chris Wallace to Newt Gingrich: “How does it feel not to have any friends at all?” Newt: “Chris, you are very ugly.”

9:23 – Mittens is using his phone sex voice tonight.

9:21 – Minnesota Nice is slowly being torn to shreds on this stage. OH BAM TIM PAWLENTY “Michele Bachmann might have a titanium spine, but she has never produced any results whatsoever, and it’s killing us.” You left out the Nazi reference, Tim. MICHELE BACHMANN LOVES HITLER. Just say that next time.

9:20 – Michele Bachmann responds to a question about “what have you ever done in Congress” by listing all the less insane accomplishments of Tim Pawlenty. She’s good at this game.

9:16 – Does Brett Baier’s head sort of look like a white Milk Dud with a toupee sitting on top?

9:13 – Tim Pawlenty promises to serve arsenic cookies and mow the lawns of everyone in America who hates Obama enough to eat Pawlenty’s arsenic cookies. Except Mitt Romney, not him. SNAP.

9:12 – Newt Gingrich! He is shaking his noggin and folding his hands over his lectern a lot. Very psycho librarian-ish.

9:08 – Ron Paul is stumped. “Does divided Congress work?” “Uh, militarism is the answer.”

9:05 – We are switching to whiskey. Wink Martindale is also at this debate, dressed in Michele Bachmann Mitt Romney drag, calling Obama a one-term president.

9:01 – WOAH YOUR WONKETTE COMPUTER is the winner if it makes it through this debate. CRASHES EVERYWHERE.

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 732 comments }

chascates August 11, 2011 at 9:04 pm

The comedy begins.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:29 pm

It's one of those rare tragic-comedies. Well, used to be rare.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Mittens has the gall to talk about being in the private sector and knowing about job creation? How many recommendations for downsizing did he make at Bain Capital again?

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Ahem. All of them, Katie.

berkeleyfarm August 12, 2011 at 12:32 am

*golf clap*

emmelemm August 11, 2011 at 9:48 pm

If there's one thing Mittens has shown the last couple days, it's that he's got a lot of gall. An overabundance.

mumbly_joe August 12, 2011 at 1:50 am

And -and mind you, I could be wrong, as I was only reading the closed captions at a bar where I was drinking with other liberals and snarking loudly- it looked like Frothy Mix similarly had the gall to mention Iran's oppression of women and gays alongside the myriad other excuses he gave for starting a new war we can't afford and would never win.

For those of you keeping score at home: the oppression of sexual minorities that Santorum wants to write into the law: Good. When Iran does it? Bad. Presumably for some reason other than "they're Brown people", but it's pretty unclear what.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Mitts has the orange patina of Boehner, emphasized with Palin's lip-color-lighter-than-complexion to boot.

Barb August 11, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Looking at this clown lineup makes me want to vote for face-ripper monkey.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Dadinngg.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:14 pm

If you vote for anyone of these people, you really have voted in a face ripping monkey.

102415 August 11, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Barb, that would be like voting for Reagan because that monkey is dead.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:42 pm

You mean you want to vote for Bachmann?

Barb August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

True story Soros, my daughters little baby contracted an e coli infection this week. I did something I never do, I hit the floor on my knees and prayed to God to let Ainsley be okay. I promised God anything and then I started adding stuff at the end. "except I won't vote for Bachmann, Palin, Newt…." and then I stood up and switched my faith to the doctor who is treating her and pretended that I didn't pray.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Damn, I hope the kid's OK.

Barb August 11, 2011 at 10:45 pm

She's getting better, thanks! Her birthday is Sept 1st and I'm going to buy her a pony.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:06 pm

I love when these tards reference JFK

Steverino247 August 11, 2011 at 9:27 pm

Ich bin ein Berliner?

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Mittens: Ich bin ein Corporation.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Wow. Mitt sucks. Already. Blah blah lies, Obama's fault, lies. Private Sector fap fap.
But, saying Mittness Protection program to his face is pretty great.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Santorum perked up at the mention of "inches"

ifthethunderdontgetya August 11, 2011 at 9:06 pm

DRINK!!!
~

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Mittens is not going to eat Obama's dog food? WTF is that even supposed to mean?

Rarian Rakista August 11, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Mormons will be our new blacks.

We will all have polite slaves who quietly judge our lascivious lifestyles.

NotYerGaryBusey August 11, 2011 at 11:30 pm

At least they wouldn't be sneaking off with the contents of the liquor cabinet.

LiveToServeYa August 12, 2011 at 8:12 am

No, they'd just be replacing half of the premium whisky with pee.

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2011 at 10:07 am
Beattitudes August 11, 2011 at 9:18 pm

soylent green – stimulating the economy to the bitter end…

neiltheblaze August 12, 2011 at 1:12 am

What he meant to say was "I refuse to travel on the roof of Obama's car."

Negropolis August 12, 2011 at 8:19 am

He's also determined to drink Obama's milkshake.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 3:53 pm

I believe the President keeps that in his dick. Suck, Mitt. HARD.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm

What is this, Match Game? Nice bell Brett

Ken Cuccinelli August 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Gene Rayburn could make it more entertaining, I'm sure.

jus_wonderin August 12, 2011 at 6:38 am

I didn't watch. Who took the center square??? I hope it was Marcus. Oh, wait….

Rarian Rakista August 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm

So who is going to be our Nero ?
http://bit.ly/o5BmBX

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Thought they were all going to wear pajamas tonight?

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm

'Cause Fox viewers started barking at the door. My dog, however, knew it wasn't the fucking doorbell.

DerrickWildcat August 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Where's that Gay guy?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Which one?
Oh, you mean the non – closeted one? FOX sent him to the doghouse. Probably to eat Obama's dog food.

Sharkey August 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Man. That's the dude Kirsten scratched out in the graphic, isn't it?

littlebigdaddy August 11, 2011 at 11:13 pm

To the tune of the MTM Show theme song:

"Ghey is all around, why don't you taste it
Santorum's dripping down, now don't you waste it
We're going to make it after all!"

jus_wonderin August 12, 2011 at 6:39 am

"Meow"

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 1:56 am

Marcus is watching at home.

SexySmurf August 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Bad news everyone: iCarly broke her ankle.

That's my way of saying I don't give two tits about this debate.

Ken Cuccinelli August 11, 2011 at 9:39 pm

OH it wasn't the other iCarly? The one that destroyed HP and ran on a platform of printer ink for everyone in Caleeforniuh?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

The one repeatedly voted "Worst Business Executive" by Wall St.

emmelemm August 11, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Two tits are a fucking valuable thing. You don't just give them away!

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Watch it, Blago got sent up for trying to get something in exchange.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 11, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Mittens prefers the recommendations of the Catfood Commission.

It's that subtle tuna flavor.
~

KenLayIsAlive August 12, 2011 at 1:17 am

And here I thought that was the smell emanating from the Democratic leadership.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:08 pm

How long before Paul starts going on about the gold standard again?

4TheTurnstiles August 11, 2011 at 9:08 pm

This debate is fuckin' stupid.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Ding ding just before Paul got around to cutting the military…

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:09 pm

They haz a stupid.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

They haz MANY stupidz. Many, many, many stupidz.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Four point pizza!

hollywooddood August 11, 2011 at 9:10 pm

I'm going to do a shot of whiskey every time one of them says "job creator".

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:11 pm

It's been nice knowing you. Ooh if you have a macbook, write me into the will before you finish the bottle ten minutes from now.

soojank August 11, 2011 at 9:11 pm

my plan was every time one of them suggests "cutting taxes to job creators"… but that works too

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Pavlov is going on the dadinngg.

snicker snack August 11, 2011 at 11:40 pm

It's been 2 hours. Are you dead yet?

hollywooddood August 12, 2011 at 5:58 am

Pretty much.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 3:57 pm

It's been nice, dood. Hope you have a little milk thistle handy. I understand it's often used to reverse liver toxicity.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Tax Cuts Forever!!!1!

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Who'll be the first to say America is a QUARDRUPLE "A" Country!

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Huntsman.. no flag pin…goodbye

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Great minds, etc…
Gingrich loses on that count, also, too

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Santorum….Zero taxes, fuck yeah

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

He's white, rich, and Republican. He doesn't *need* teh flag pin.

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Being a Democrat sucks most of the time, but watching this makes me really thankful I don't have to vote in the Republican primary next year…

widget2011 August 11, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I'm clutching a bottle of percoset in one hand, an a combonation of valium and vicodin in the other, to keep my head from exploding, like on the movie "Scanners".

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Oh snap, I am on Codeine.

x111e7thst August 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

i'd like to be on codeine but I couldn't get any so I'm taking Secobarb and contemplating a bottle of vodka.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 11:04 pm

I have loads of it, I had two root canals done and one got infected and I was out of town so my dentist kept prescribing codeine along with the anti-biotics and I never used it, so I stockpiled!

widget2011 August 12, 2011 at 5:27 am

Percoset (Oxycodone) & Vicodin (Hydrocodone) both contain variants of codiene, I prefer Percoset because it does not cloud my thinking as much as vicodin does. If I was forced to watch the Rupublican debate, I'd have to consider hydrogen cyanide, I keed, I keed. It kind of reminds me of Pink Floyd's In the Flesh, you know, the Nazi version (which was pure sarcasm & hyperbole), which is what most people believe, except for Glenn Beck (Who thinks they were being literal (serious). I got a spinal fusion, on the C-6, from falling out of a tree of all things.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 9:11 pm

WHERE'S THE FLAG PIN, HUNTSMAN??!?1!

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Hey, quit stealing my jokes.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 1:58 am

You really don't want to know.

JimNauseam August 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

He was hoping you'd ask! It's pinned to his dick. NOW who's the real American?

Hooray4Politics August 11, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Who grafted Ted Kennedy's head on Newt's body?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Gingrinch is asked why he should get the nod, and talks about divided government? Not the message the rabid NO COMPROMISE base wants to hear…

hollywooddood August 11, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Well, Newt is the family values and ethics candidate.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Haha. Newt Gingrich would like to pretend he doesn't have to answer the question.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Hey Pawlenty: I want my prize! http://www.ontheissues.org/economic/barack_obama_

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Tweet him, dood. Dudine. Whatevah.

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 9:14 pm

My stinky rec league hockey equipment is drying out next to the TV. It's like I'm watching T-Paw in Smell-o-Vision.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:14 pm

T-Paw attacks first.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:00 am

It's like watching your pet turtle go over to the dark side.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I was thinking of somebody's little fart of a yappy dawg, but "pet turtle" sounds good.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm

A lawn is not the same thing as a country club!!!111!!

lefty74 August 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm

The turd in the punchbowl that looks and sounds the most presidential?
Newt! Talk about a worlds tallest leprechaun contest.

widget2011 August 12, 2011 at 5:46 am

I'm sure your being figurative, because short round is literally a mental giant, compared to the rest of the field, who are figurativly "mental midgets". I still hate his guts because of his "Contract on America", which helped accelerate a lot of the problems we are facing today,and the fact that he cheats on every wife he's ever had. Also he was getting illicit blojobs, while trying to impeach Bill Clinton for getting illicit blojobs.

I also hate him because he is a big pulsating penis.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I would dispute the "big." A multi-million dollar revolving account at Tiffany's definitely speaks of overcompensation.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm

More fun if there were trap doors and one was eliminated after every round.

Fare la Volpe August 12, 2011 at 8:04 am

Even better would be Russian Roulette with one bullet in the chamber for each time they said "FREEDOM."

widget2011 August 12, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I say put six rounds in.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm

First urge to hit my TV set with Santorum going on about his hometown.
My home state of PA deserves better…

hollywooddood August 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Oh, dear. I had forgotten Newt Gingrich was running.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:26 pm

So had the rest of the country.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Running up a tab a Tiffany's maybe.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:01 am

Nothing runs like santorum.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

See? You're guaranteed to succumb to alcohol poisoning.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm

I did not know that lots of you in middle America went to China and other Asain countries. Did you have a good time?

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Ugh, I feel dirty loading up the Fox "News" website.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:17 pm

It's not a good dirty, either.

DerrickWildcat August 11, 2011 at 9:16 pm

No Flag Pin on Santorum. Maybe he should move to France.

Angry_Marmot August 12, 2011 at 1:58 am

Lapel Libel!

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Harmony times do I have to tell you guys? "Rich, white, Republican male" = "flag pin not required."

ManchuCandidate August 11, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Mittens is a no term robot.

Angry_Marmot August 12, 2011 at 1:58 am

Robots are people too, my friend!

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

He can see it all slipping away, and he's starting to smell of quiet desperation because he knows he can't fix it, he doesn't know what to do. My schaden freudeth over.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Bachmann is trying not to look smug at the mention of her and T – Paw in the polls…

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Migraines? You want a migraine, it's T-Paw being the obama attack Dawg

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Careful there Tpaw…she'll cut a bitch!

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:18 pm

I like that they're beginning to take (ridiculous) shots at each other. Retards meet kettle.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Mittens: Health care NAZI!!!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Shut up Michele the bell rang…bitch…

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I hate all of them already!

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:23 pm

They totally sucked at 8:59 PM EST

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

So does the rest of America, pretty much. I mean, the fundraising numbers are scary (for Republicans) despite the super-PACs. Largest amt raised by Repubs – $18 mil (Romney; includes $$ from his own coffers); Largest amt raised by Dems – $86 mil (Obama, less than a month after announcing). This despite the endless drumbeat of how blacks are turned off by him, Jews hate him for his stance on Israel, he has turned his back on gays, who won't support him in the 2012 election, the unions are bitterly disappointed in him, and lefties and progressives will sit out the vote and refuse to fund him. Right. $86 mil worth of no-funding.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Shelley just totally pwned T-Paw.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

It looks like they're about to try and rip each others' heads off.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Pawlenty thought he was going to play nice-nice again tonight. Shelley just showed him where the nice-nice "bar" was. Right up his ass.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Yes, Michele, the era of small government *is* over…ended under W with the PATRIOT act, if you'll recall…

ProgressiveInga August 11, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Definitely need some Glamazon action after that moran-fest on Faux!

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Obama, Barack Obama, Unconstitutional, Obamacare, …..No taxes…..Dadinnggh

Hooray4Politics August 11, 2011 at 9:20 pm

LightBulbPAC just saw its donations quadruple.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Great. The lightbulb freedom of choice act gets a big applause hit. Very important.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:20 pm

So the open the live feed and the very first thing is Bachmann telling T-Paw he's just like Obama.

And WTF is that about light bulbs?

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Flourescent lights: invented by Stalin

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Repukes: "Dirty expensive wasteful light bulbs for everyone!"

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Health Care: Practically invented by Hitler

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:25 pm

He was especially was interested in delousing hygeine.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:05 am

No wonder this bunch is agin him.

SpurningBeer August 11, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Der Fuehrer originated the Hitlercratic Oath, as a matter of fact.

Doktor Zoom August 12, 2011 at 9:44 am

Or Bismarck, who actually instituted universal health insurance in Germany 50 years before Hitler came to power.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

A dim bulb, Bachmann, introduced the Light Bulb Freedom Act. Makes sense.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

This is getting fun, actually…love the infighting. Never thought I'd say this, but…
Thanks, FOX!

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

She can shove a light bulb up Marcus' ass. Meeooww. Tip of the spear, chuck?

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

I don't want to think about Michele Bachmann and the "tip of the spear"

Now Marcus Bachmann, on the other hand…

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. T PAW going back up against Michele. If he'da said "It's not her spine, it's her crazy fucked up eyes" that woulda been better. And we wanted shed of you because YOU FUCKING SUCK YOU STUPID BITCH

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Holy shit, these cretins are going to vote Shelly in.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:22 pm

The moderator does not seem to like Mittens.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Well at least MIttens accounted for his accomplishments, which Bachmann needed *twice* prompting to stay on-topic. Still want to fact-check Mitt's unemployment rate claim though.

Barb August 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Today, we are all moderators.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Mittens:
Let me tell you how the free economy works. Those of us with money do what we can, those without suffer what they must…

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 9:24 pm

KBJ:
9:16 – Does Brett Baier’s head sort of look like a white Milk Dud with a toupee sitting on top?

Well at least he's wearing a flag pin! I think?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Is it me, or are we seeing a lot of *blue* ties tonight?

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Is it possible to "pray away" the Republican in these people?

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:40 pm

No, but I'd be willing to try waterboarding it out.

Angry_Marmot August 12, 2011 at 2:07 am

Yes, but it runs into the closest pig, and the pig runs off a cliff, and you lose a lot of pigs that way.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Ok, I don't drink or any of that stuff, but I do have some Codeine that my dentist gave me a couple of months ago, so I have taken two of those and am sitting in bed in my jammies and am feeling just about ready to switch from my imaginary gf, Rachel Maddow, to this hideous bunch of cunts.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Limey, you don't want to associate "bed" with this…….I'm sorry, you must drink the drug and move to another room.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Too late , I am high and supine , like an odalisque.

CalamityJames August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Odalisque was my favorite Beck album.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:16 pm

You do realize that you're just *feeding* my fantasies, don't you? There's something rackingly sexy about a woman who can use "odalisque" correctly in a sentence.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm

MrLimeylizzie always says I look like the Odalisque in this painting.http://www.backtoclassics.com/gallery/francoisboucher/blondeodalisklouiseomurphy/

rocktonsam August 11, 2011 at 9:25 pm

good thing this is in Iowa.

the bullshit provided can be used as fertilizer.

4TheTurnstiles August 11, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Hi Willard,

You think you're the nominee. Maybe you are. But you're fucked, because you're a Mormon running for the President of the Bigot and Ugly Person Glory Jesus Convention and Jubilee. The fuck?

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 9:26 pm

you know what's worse than watching this on teevee? watching the fox news live feed during the commercials.
"its very tough to go negative on a woman" Is that an oral sex joke?

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

God, no kidding. And what's with the bald guy's voice? He needs to cough up that hairball.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:26 pm

That commercial break was way too short…

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:29 pm

dadinngg

Sharkey August 11, 2011 at 9:27 pm

What is a liveblog? What channel is this on?
Whatevs, just go on, you whippersnappers.
Fox is showing "Show You Think You Can Dance", shit do I have to go to CSPAN?
I don't have cable or satellite.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:27 pm

The commercials are fucking insane. That head of the Iowa Republicans makes me want to smash his face in with a pair of heels.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:27 pm

I'll bet Santorum could teach Gingrinch about discipline…

DerrickWildcat August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Gingrich is all standing around like he's Dean Martin and shit.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Well, I'm certainly willing to believe the "shit" part.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

GOTCHA!

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Ooh, Newt's getting SASSY

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Newt wins the REagan award!

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

"Reagan." DRINK!!

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Damn you, you tax cutting dadinngg.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Gingrinch is mentioning McCain in a GOP primary debate? That's supposed to *help*?

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Newty, why is your campaign is such a mess? Hah!

Newt: Ronald Reagan had staff resign!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Boos from the audience at the suggestion that a Republican is responsible for his record…

Rotundo_ August 11, 2011 at 9:29 pm

There are just some things I won't watch. Usually I draw the line at cruelty to animals including humans, wanton violence and hate and stupidity. This bunch cross the line in all dimensions simultaneously. I cannot believe that the wealthy in this country cannot buy a better class of representation. The europeans do it with class, with flair or in the case of Berlusconi, slapstick sex comedy, but there is at least something mildly amusing about bunga bunga anyhow. These assholes are just cheesy half assed semi professional grifters. America deserves better grifters than these.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:52 pm

As Santorum would put it: here in the 21st century, "It's all showmanship, not leadership"!

fuflans August 12, 2011 at 12:28 am

this is one of the most poignant things i've read all night.

Negropolis August 12, 2011 at 2:32 am

I don't mind watching the debates, 'cause it's just fools making fun of other fools. I won't watch interviews of Republican candidates where softball questions are thrown and they are allowed to seriously prosthelytize. But, I really don't mind the debates. They are an entertainment; they are a legitimate circus.

LiveToServeYa August 12, 2011 at 8:10 am

This is especially ironic since America is the birthplace of Grifterism or where did all our snake oil come from?

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 9:31 am

That's what happens when Grover Norquist and Rush Limbaugh are your Grifter-Brokers.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm

"Institute Sigma Six." What the fuck?

Rotundo_ August 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm

It is butchering Six Sigma, one of those glorious business jargon laden ideas where you analyze a system and look for ways to make it more responsive to the people it serves. I theory it is the customers of the company undertaking Six Sigma. I don't think it means whatever these idiots are saying, unless they are analyzing how to completely rape the public sector and turn us into the movie "Brazil". If that's the case they may be right, but if they are thinking that government is like a business and applying business principles to it (in terms of cost saving as opposed to service improvement) these assholes will never figure it out. Republicans are great at being the loyal opposition, but they flat out suck at governing since they hate government in the first place. Voting for them is like hiring John Wayne Gacey as your baby sitter. Efficient, but not going to maintain the health of their charge for long.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:50 pm

I think I remember Six Sigma on an episode of 30 Rock; it was ridiculous, and I assumed Tina Fey made it up.

Rotundo_ August 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm

GE is one of the biggest worshippers at the Six Sigma altar. Truth be told, in a manufacturing setting (where Toyota refined much of the dogma of it all) it can work wonderfully. It can do great things in making processes more streamlined and in reducing waste (of time and effort and material). But government is not a business and while it can use the methodology, the realities of a government and a company are different. That is why MBA presidents are not necessarily a good idea.

ShaveTheWhales August 12, 2011 at 2:31 am

Precisely — six sigma is a catchy shorthand for TQM or TQC or several other names for integrated design and process control — the methodology that the Japanese used to take the lead in quality manufacturing in the 70s and 80s (though it was invented by an American, it wasn't adopted by US companies until they'd had their asses roundly kicked).

The thing is, it is a control methodology for MANUFACTURING processes and designs. It can indeed do great things in making better products more cheaply.

It is so successful that there has been a natural tendency to try to apply it to non-manufacturing activities. There is very little evidence that it produces substantial results in such cases. This is fundamentally due to the statistical nature of the methodology.

Anyone who cites "six sigma" as a magic wand to fix service industries (such as government) can immediately be identified as someone who does not understand the methodology, and doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:21 pm

"Not necessarily"? Given our experience of MBA presidents, I'd say they've pretty much proved themselves to be a resoundingly bad idea.

glamourdammerung August 12, 2011 at 9:28 am

Republicans are great at being the loyal opposition

Uhm, I must have missed that in between the screeching about "Second Amendment Solutions".

Doktor Zoom August 12, 2011 at 9:39 am

All those Confederate flags confuse the loyalty thing.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Obama's package is not big enough!

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Oh, I bet it is.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:23 pm

You just know that whenever these rightwingers screech about this that they're envisioning themselves being in charge of "auditing" said package. They will weigh it in their hands, they will measure it with their mouths, they will beg for a slap on each cheek in order to best gauge its qualities, they …

Right, what were we on about, then?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Huntsman is going to serve her now?
JFC, is *every* Republican a sex fiend?

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm

I like to serve in a sensitive position too!

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Oh God, I do hate that smug m-fckr Chris Wallace, but this is really funny to see him turn his smug shit questions to the repugs.

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 9:43 am

Mike must be so proud.

DerrickWildcat August 11, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Yeah, Fuck you Wallace!

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 9:31 pm

"When you love your cuntry, you service her."
Huntsman! christ! More oral sex. This whole debate is about giving it to America in her ladyparts.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Somehow I think this crowd doesn't object to Cain's anti-Muslim bigotry.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Cain: If anyone misunderstood my intent, I apologize to those idiots

ProgressiveInga August 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Hop on the CAIN TRAIN!

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:25 pm

It's rainin' Cain — urk. Never mind.

chascates August 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm

So basically rich people are the backbone of this country, the unfortunates responsible for their own misery, and tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy the panacea Jesus and the Founders would want?

Shorthand: She's a witch! BURN HER!!!!

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

You just summed up the entire debate. I applaud you.

DerrickWildcat August 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Not enough meat lovers pizzas in Afghanistan!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm

"Conservative problem – solver"
Oxymoron of the millennium…

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Conservative problem solver, Pro-life, Pro-second amendment, secure the border.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Herman Caine would like you to know about the things that he has learned recently. These things will later be proven wrong, of course, and he will have to go and learn some new things.

fuflans August 12, 2011 at 12:30 am

this is a perfectly delightful post.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:34 pm

John Huntsman, you've made statements indicating that you might not hate all Latinos; this is very disturbing.

berkeleyfarm August 12, 2011 at 12:35 am

RINO! RINO!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:34 pm

WHAT?!? Huntsman is not going to talk about anything else until the unsecurable border is secured?
Well, that would spare us from hearing his opinions on other matters, so that works for me…

ProgressiveInga August 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Right. Vapid much, Jon no H?

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:34 pm

MORMON….he's a MORMON! He hates JEEBUSSS burn him!111!!!!!

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Huntsman is sneaking in talking points around the question at hand. . ."When" elected President…" He's a stealth rhetoritician at the least, not even HIDING his grifter colors at best.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

What about the northern border???!?

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Oh, they're white.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Wanna bet?

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Are we talking Canadians, or who people from Chicago call "Canadians"?

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 9:47 am

There is nothing north of Chicago except Cheeseheads, Vikings and people who play football the wrong way.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:15 am

No worries. The Canadians are busy securing that one.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

And who can blame them, given our unending fascination with war, torture, and persecution of various people?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Thanks, Mittens, but I'd rather crack down on employers who outsource jobs to lower and lower wage nations…

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Cain: Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

BlueStateLibel August 11, 2011 at 9:36 pm

You must all have stomachs like iron to be watching this one. Many extra pee points tonight.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Word. I can't face watching this smug shitball jamboree.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I didn't watch, dood, I snuck in late for the opinionifying.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:36 pm

High fences and wide open doors?
Tease.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Herman Cain looks as if he likes really, nasty, dirty, perverted sex…and that is the only good thing I can say about him.

chascates August 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Anyone mentioned how the rioters in England are the pawns of liberals and unions yet?

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 9:50 am

He does have that Chuck Berry "shit-in-my-mouth" air about him.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2011 at 10:00 am

Absolutely, he seems very odd, weirdly pompous and narcissistic also.

hollywooddood August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

When are they going to get to the important stuff like defunding radio stations and gay weddings?

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Last time Cain was misquoted, this time he was only kidding. Has the man ever meant anything he's ever said?

Oh, and the Constitution prohibits the states from making immigration laws, dumbass.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

There are some bitchy twats up there and Michele is being the biggest dick. Neat.
They are all trying to be cunty like SP though, so she should be proud.
I thought the illegal immigrant thing was kind of working itself out, no?
ALso, WHO is going to build the fence, and WITH WHAT MONEY? SPENDING SPENDING SPENDING. That's all these people wanna do.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

DEATH PANELS???? WHAT?1??

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm

What is with Newty and the smug, sideways glance? He also has very short arms, that has to be a curse.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Damn, he just ruined sideways for me.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Half man, half t-rex, all asshole.

CalamityJames August 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Wait, do you mean McCain?

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:19 am

He and Walnuts need to double team just to scratch their asses.

ShaveTheWhales August 12, 2011 at 2:34 am

It means he has a very short short-arm.

Doktor Zoom August 12, 2011 at 9:32 am

He's no Tom Servo.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2011 at 9:40 am

Mystery Science Theatre FTW!

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 9:52 am

MST3K fan? I am even more in love.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2011 at 10:01 am

Oh no, it was the Coupon Suzie that put you over the edge wasn't it?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I don't know if I'll ever be able to listen to Tom Waits again. Thanks, Lizzie. Thanks a lot. Or should I be thanking Teh Newtered?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Glad Newt does not want to move anyone to CA's border…we've got enough problems in the Golden State…

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm

USA was built on high fences. We must have been absent from school that day.

rocktonsam August 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm

I bet the Wallace/Newt make up sex will be awesome

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 9:39 pm

He could ram through Obamacare, but he couldn't ram through Latinos. And then he didn't clean up after himself

Sharkey August 11, 2011 at 9:39 pm

To reiterate, I am not actually watching this.

AJWjr. August 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Yeah, me either. They fucked up running it against Rachel, to whom I am eternally loyal. Like a puppy. A gay puppy.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:39 pm

If I took a shot every time I heard "secure the borders", I'd be dead already.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Eww Mittens has very creepy hands also a very creepy soul.

ProgressiveInga August 11, 2011 at 9:42 pm

And way too much product in his hair.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:45 pm

To say nothing of the Man-Tan.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Huntsman is the same way, with both the tan and the hair. Maybe it's a Mormon thing?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:34 pm

But does he have the creepazoid hands? The Hands of Manos?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:33 pm

They look as if they've aged much faster than his face, don't they?

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Soooooo….No one up there will answer the question asked. Ok.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Man Byron York is a dork.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:42 pm

T – Paw: I got an A.
Can't wait to see him go up against Rick Perry…

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Pawlenty: Good thing those other guys aren't running, because I'd be screwed.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

The unborn need to be protected from Michele Bachmann.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Girl, you can't go wrong protecting the born from her neither.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Michele: T-Paw forced me to vote for cigarette taxes, for the fetuses.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:44 pm

What a bitch fight between T-Paw and Shelley!

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 9:44 pm

I fought against that tax, and then I voted for that tax, because taxes, abortion. And then TPaw calls her out. Damn I am LOVING these two.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:44 pm

This debate is giving a whole new meaning to Minnesota Nice…it's nice to watch the GOP infighting…

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Cigarette taxes for the unborn!…

ProgressiveInga August 11, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Sheley will stone cold cut off T-Paw's nertz.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I wish she would. I'm actually betting she'll *bite* them off, once she finds them. T-Paw looks like he might have mastered the art of having them climb back into the abdomen, though.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Ricky is getting jealous of the Minnesotans and wants to get in on the action…

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Santorum: I'm here too you guys, please ask me a question!

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:21 am

A Divided Nation Speaks as One: "Shut up, Rick"

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

One of the things that could definitely unite us as a nation: an overweening abhorrence for Santorum.

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm

They are apeshit for Michele in that crowd. Scariest thing ever.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Fuck you Santorum, no one wants to hear from you, you cretin.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Pawlenty: "Bitches always gotta get in the last word."

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm

And are those white *polka dots* on Ricky's tie?
How old is he, seven?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Yes, Ricky, we need to put more money in the economy…and when the bankers and the private sector do not do that, government does, by a real stimulus, you idiot…

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:48 pm

None of them will raise taxes, ever.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Seems logical.

archikvetch August 11, 2011 at 9:49 pm

I get nervous when Timmy slams his fist like that… I know what he wants

Fukui_sanYesOta August 11, 2011 at 9:50 pm

To escape the crushing cloud of mediocrity which permanently hangs over his head?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:37 pm

He's got a fucking prayer of ever doing that.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 9:49 pm

And with a raised hand each, the candidates just admitted that the age of "across-the-aisle" bipartisanship is over.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Kitty Door's worst nightmare.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Newt, if you become president, I'll pick "shoot me in the head"

FlyOverGirl August 11, 2011 at 11:09 pm

I might worship you from here on out.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Newt, makes perfect sense in sewer.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 9:49 pm

FUCKING AWESOME. 10 to 1 and still no. That kinda shows how serious they are about deficit reduction. David Frum is losing his fucking mind.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Ok, my head exploded because I do agree that the "supercommittee" is a dumb idea. Newt, I still think you're a douche.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Obamneycare…look at T – Paw's smug grin…

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:51 pm

This Wallace guy really wants to get T-Paw to tear into Mittens.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:51 pm

T-Paw gets to call Mittens an asshole!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:51 pm

OT:
My dog is looking at me with an expression that says "These people don't really exist, do they?"

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:39 pm

You let your dog watch this shit? Dog abuse!

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Seriously…we haven't had a "Reagan" in what, 3 minutes? No wonder these cretins hate everyone but crazy eyes.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Oh God–the 10th Amendment again? I'll see your 10th and raise you a 14th…

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Oh God–defending romneycare over obamacare, like hitler is better than stalin.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:53 pm

As someone else here said, this moderator does NOT like Mittens…

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Now I have a name.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Sorry, SorosBot, this thread is so fast I can't keep up…
:-)

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Yes, Chris Wallace gave him such a hatchet face just then.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Don't ask Mittens about what he did!

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Mittens: my health reform is different from Obama's because of state's rights.

And Bachmann's never heard of car insurance I guess.

chascates August 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Insurance is for those unwilling to make themselves rich or unable to gain God's grace.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm

But it's totally different, cause you can choose not to drive.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm

If only more American Patriots would choose not to get stitches when they receive gaping wounds. We don't have a healthcare crisis, we have an "Oh, oh, wittle itty baby wants to live" crisis.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Mittens 'bout to take the mitten off.

FlyOverGirl August 11, 2011 at 9:54 pm

All I have to say is: thank you, Dan Savage.

hollywooddood August 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Did you see Michele's face? She's frothing from the vagina.

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm

OH shit Mitt: you just admitted that you implemented Obamneycare in Mass.!!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm

JESUS!
Michele, if HCR were truly setting the price of healthcare, it would *not* have left control of providing healthcare to the freaking insurance companies.
Terrifying to think that people will actually believe what she says…

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Believe and repeat and repeat and repeat……..

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm

let's ask them about Dental Insurance…just for fun.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Ron Paul a constitutional expert? Haha. Good one Chris Wallace.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Um, Ron, I *want* some space between me and my doctor, thanks…

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Ron Paul: free market free market free market.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Oh, God. Just so crazy.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Ron Paul gets Romney off the hook, by chopping his head off.

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Santorum, minus one million pee points for mentioning evil guv John Kasich

widget2011 August 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm

OT, but I just heard on CNN that Rick Perry is "coming out of the closet."

archikvetch August 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Mass Constitution! haha! Or, as we like to say down Mexico way, jajaja!

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 9:57 pm

WTF is Santorum talking about? He wants to implement bigamy?

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:00 pm

I was so waiting for him to talk man-on-dog. Very disappointed.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Have you seen his wife?

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Ron Paul likes the free market! Rick Santorum will protect us from state-mandated sterilization!

AJWjr. August 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

I think he favors state-mandated fertilization.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Whoever had 9:57 in the Santorum GAY pool, drink muthafucker.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 9:58 pm

"We're going to talk about a couple of people who are not here tonight"
Palin and Perry bashing in 3…2…1…

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Which one of these people will misinterpret the constitution the worse?

Ah, a break, I can refill my gin and tonic.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

All of them, Katie!

archikvetch August 11, 2011 at 9:59 pm

I'm canceling my car insurance right now, Michele with one L Michele

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Mrs. Radio points out, the whole floor say Examiner. THE Right Wing Rag.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Someone may have brought this up already, but the one moderator is more than a little Eddie Munster-ish. I wonder if he has a stuffed werewolf stashed under that desk.

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 10:00 pm

"They are running for the highest office in the land, the debate should be about high things."
seriously, legalize santorum.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

She went to get her shiv.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Oh boy, here we go about The Seceder…."

salt_bagel August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

INVISIBL BACHMANN

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Bachmann forgot her migraine pills.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Did Bachmann espy a lesbian nun in the audience and duck & cover??…

FlyOverGirl August 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Was there a line at the ladies room?

ProgressiveInga August 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Ask Marcus.

FlyOverGirl August 11, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Ha! Brilliant. :)

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm

There's a lot of Paultards in the audience.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Ron Paul, Rebel!

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Is Rick Perry outsmarting us? Well, hell, Chris, a wet dishrag could outsmart us. We're not exactly a high-wattage group.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm

OMG, I think Paul actually thinks he can win… Alzheimer's has taken control…

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Cuntest…truest thing said all night.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Herman Caine has no clue who Rick Perry is.

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm

On Fox live feed right now they are all agreeing the Newt is the smartest person on the stage and that he has no hope of winning. A man named Newt. Speaking truth to power. Oh, god its getting to me folks. I dunno if I can handle the swimsuit portion of the event….

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:44 pm

You're very brave, to put yourself in the line of fire like this. Posthumous honours will be granted.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Oh, Michele, your little love note to Saint Sarah is fooling no one…

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Rick Perry. Savvy. OH HELL YEAH. That's always my first fucking thought.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Palin and her shotgun wedding campaign.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:05 pm

It took over an hour to mention 9/11; I thought they'd never forget.

And T-Paw takes a controversial pro-troops stand.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Just 30 shopping days left!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Yeah, let's support the troops by our deeds, T – Paw…we can start by not cutting veteran's benefits so that we don't have to tax the rich…

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm

T-Paw, troops and poignancy ALWAYS sell.
Obama, ruined the war, dadinngg!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm

People often complain about Fox's ridiculous tilt, but watching this debate reminds you that the production values of Fox shows and events are equally shitty. This fucking thing looks like public access.

Michele Bachmann missing in action coming back from last commercial was priceless. It's the perfect representation of who she is a politician and where her brains are: MIA. Always.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Romney vs. Romney! Boom!

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Tax cuts for Afghanistan!11!!!!!

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Afghanistan must earn their freedom in the free market like a real free market businessman like Mitt

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Mittens is questioning someone making a decision for political reasons? And he swung to the far right when running for president for…what reasons again?

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Don't quote me bitch!

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Mittens: it's wrong for the President to act as the Commander-in-Chief instead of doing whatever the generals tell him.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Just stop asking Newt GOTCHA questions, FOX news guy.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Definitely worth having the streaming comments turned on–the Paultards are out in force. It is amusing.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Newton is getting angry because he's being quoted verbatim, bless his fat little nugget of a heart.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:28 am

Newt: "This is a totally different audience"

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:46 pm

"[...] his fat little ^shit^ nugget of a heart."

FIFY, no need to thank.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm

"a President who changes his mind every other day"

Newt, hyperbole is not your strong suit.

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Gotcha! is Newt's answer to every question.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Hacking? Hacking? On Fox? Who approved this question??
ALso, when he just said that about hacking happening on "personal levels" – no one in the FoxtardNation had a CLUE as to what he was referring.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Shorter Newt: I will bomb the living fuck out of Iran.

archikvetch August 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

He DID say Cuntest!

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Huntsman seems so reasonable…he's toast.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

I'm John Huntsman, and I hope you are vaguely aware of my existence. Frankly, I was surprised to hear the moderator say my name. Thank you.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Um, Huntsman is talking about the lack of dialogue between the US and China? What country was he ambassador for again?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:11 pm

John Huntsman is just too damned reasonable for that stage. I swear I'm expecting to hear a Mormon "gee golly" out of him before the nights out.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:11 pm

John Hunsman will give us a war on hacker. And he's decrying hacking private citizens on a network run by Rupert Murdoch.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:12 pm

OOooooooo Hillary! Scary!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:13 pm

T-Paw is so fucking stupid. Keanu Reeves has better acting chops than this kewpee doll-looking muthfucka.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:14 pm

He's such a milquetoast bastard.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Ron Paul: Nukes for Ahmadinejad!

chairwomanwow August 11, 2011 at 10:13 pm

It bogs down my 'puter, but the streaming comments are worth it. My fave:

"Comment From Truthshallmakeus Free
RON Paul may be old, BUT HIS PRINCIPLES IS YOUNG EVEN THE CONSTITUTION. "

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

That is so full of win.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Ron Paul actually makes sense on foreign policy; shame he's so insane on economic issues.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Way better than any other clown on that stage. Not saying much. Bad matzah balls, gefilte fish, Pizza talk.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Ha! Ron Paul gets the biggest cheer of the night: Bring our troops home! Paultards out in full force tonight, eh?

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Seriously! Where the fuck is security???!?!!! Are the Paultards fucking breeding in that fucking upper deck?!!

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Ron Paul Loves CASTRO!!!!!!!

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Iran is not Iceland, Ron! Fucking epic, ya foaming anused lunatic.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Uh, oh! Some Paultard just literally went mad in the audience at Santorum.

Santorum is getting pissed.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Damn, Paul is looking downright obnoxious…

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Yeah but he just pwned Santorum on the historic perspective, no?

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Dear god–Santorum is claiming that Iran is the prime enemy in Iraq and Afghanistan?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:54 pm

He's right, but not in the way he thinks.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Santorum: I know the rules, but you guys haven't asked me any other questions so I'm gonna keep going!

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

It is scary when Ron Paul makes sense. He's a whackadoodle, however.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:55 pm

The thing is, he makes great sense on a couple of narrow, specific issues. On everything else, especially his ties with the White Power nutcases, he's just as batshit insane as Michele BatGuanoInsaneMann.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

I gotta say, I'm kinda paultarded on foreign policy sometimes. Mind our own business. Precious.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:24 pm

So hilarious to see him talk about the Iraq war lies on Fox news!

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Ron Paul asks the moderator for more time to dig his hole deeper.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:18 pm

I don't know, I think Santorum came off looking worse in the way he responded. The audience didn't seem to like it, that's for sure.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Unfortunately he hasn't amassed a small army of closted santorum-tards. Or Santardums maybe. Or Santorum-turds. I don't want to keep going.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:32 am

Being eminently unlikable is certainly an unusual political strategy, but that's Rick's game and he should run with it.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Worked for him in PA!! (What did he lose by, 60%?)

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Careful there Cain with them "playas". They don't like it when you get too black.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm

That's OK, he's a Real American Black Conservative on the Republican plantation. He's not gonna win anyway, might as well let him say what the hail ever he wants.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Cain wants to use *all* of our energy resources? Well, we Californians don't want drilling on our coast, so forget that idea…

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Yeah, you could probably power Indiana with the fucking grease off one Godfathers Pepperoni Pizza, when we gonna tap in to that reserve, Mr. Cain?

CrunchyKnee August 11, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Let the blimp fly for freeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Michele Bachmann is the LAST person I want deciding who has rights under the Constitution.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Hon, she has trouble "deciding" whether Marcus needs to prang her in the pink or the stink.

chascates August 11, 2011 at 10:19 pm

How many times has 'Greece' and 'we're broke' been mentioned?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:20 pm

God, Paul *really* needs to learn how to be more concise, or at least to stop rambling…

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Ron Paul's having a James Stockdale senior moment.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:20 pm

My secret paultard hates herself sometimes.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Silly Ron, and his love of the "rule of law," and actually trying people in courts of law and shit. Isn't he just precious, up there?

OMG, Santorum just seriously derided Iran for persecuting gays. STFU.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 4:59 pm

He's just mad because they're horning in on his territory.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Santorum is such a turd, more so than I had realised. Oh, wait he's in favour of Gay rights???

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

WHAT?!?
RIcky is pro – gay rights now?!?

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Ok….I'm late to the party….what'd I miss?

Everyone's crazy and the eventual nominee (you know I'm right) isn't even there?

Yup, last hour of my life was better spent not watching this.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

The Iranians were free under the Shah, Ricky? Really?

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

WHOOOAAAAAAAAOOOOOOO Are you fucking kidding me? GAY RIGHTS???

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Santorum says Iran is terrible on gay rights. I am now sober.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Rick, you don't give a rat's ass about the rights of women in Iran or anywhere.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Hey, he thinks pinhead-sized fetii should not be "retraumatized" by being aborted after the rape or incest of their containers. Apparently the trauma of the containers is of no interest to him. So his concern for the rights of women in Iran must be because they're allowed to abort on demand there, or something.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:22 pm

"When we come back, we'll try to get hold of things"
Ricky is pleased to hear that…

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:24 pm

You are on a roll tonight! Thumbz aplenty!!

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:35 am

Marcus probably has got a hold of a thing right now.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:02 pm

He's got a Hincklehold on somebody's thing.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Santorum and Paul now are the ones about to tear each other's heads off. I was right, it is a circular firing squad.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Soshal ishuews …smokem if ya got em

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Who is yelling at the Paultards? The SantorumLickers? PawlentyLovers? Bachmaniacs? I am seriously trying to figure this out.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:24 pm

I fucking hate pizza.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:27 pm

PIZZA LIBEL!!1!

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 10:27 pm

PawlentyLovers. A mythical creature like Bigfoot and the Lochness Monster, only never actually spotted.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:23 pm

The Ron Paul Show is amusing. Oh boy, social issues next! FETUSES FOR EVERYBODY! YOU get a fetus! YOU get a fetus! YOU ALL GET FETUSES!!!!

deanbooth August 11, 2011 at 10:23 pm

"We are writing him a check." Ron only accepts gold.

HarryButtle August 11, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Simply couldn't bring myself to even watch. Reading teh Wonkette has been fun, though! Also.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:24 pm

ROFL… Hans Moleman on fox.com sez "if tonight is about looking Presidential, then Barack Obama is doing very well tonight."

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Who said that? Fucking excellent!

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Is he still employed by Fox?

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:25 pm

I want to punch Sanctorum in his fat head so badly. You don't fuck with Grandpa Paul; you let him talk, you roll your eyes, but you don't fucking attack him your frothy mix-head.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Social Issues, fuckyeah!
My shoes explode, I lied. Dadinngg.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Um, Newt, how many Nazis and Communists served in the USG?
(And no, that doesn't count the Nazis in the Republican party…)

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:27 pm

I'm drinking.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:27 pm

Loyalty oaths for everyone! YOU get a loyalty oath! YOU get a loyalty oath! YOU ALL get loyalty oaths!

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:28 pm

You know who else demanded loyalty tests…?

Fukui_sanYesOta August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Captain Black?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Hitler. It's going to be my standard answer to everything today.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Why is Harry Potter's (Byron York) father reading the guests questions?

Mumbletypeg August 12, 2011 at 10:55 am

"Harry Potter's (Byron York) father "

haha — perfect!! I was thinking the same thing.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Yes blacky, why does the southerners hate the mormons more than you.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Herman ain't lying. Southerners don't dig on the Mormons. For real.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Mittens is grinning copiously as Cain lamely tries to explain the Mormon thing…

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Grin away, Mittens, Fakakta is right. The Southerners are not down with the magic underwear people.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:38 am

What a great opportunity for a learning moment. Drop your pants, Mitt.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:28 pm

"it was not a dispersion on his religion…."

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

I does not care.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Herman is not focused on other people's religion, except when he is.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Wasn't booting Muslims in the butt all LAST quarter enough for this guy? What is he, the biggest religious bigot on the planet? Here, Hermie — Mazie Hirono is a Buddhist and Fortney "Pete" Stark is an atheist. Go to town.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Cain. Casting dispersions on Romney.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Cain: No I didn't mean I hate Mormons, I was just saying that all the other Southerners hate Mormons.

I think this is the third time he's had to explain what he really meant in what he said before.

SpurningBeer August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Typical pre-8/11 mentality.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

New drinking game if he lasts till the next debate….drink every time he says "cunstitution".

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Oh shit! Michele is gone. KOed.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Shelley looks as if she just peed her pants.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm

I love how they are actually quoting these bastards in context and making them own their comments.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:33 pm

No kidding, I am shocked, it is the highpoint of the debate for me.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm

I know what you mean. First, I can't believe I'm watching Fox for more than half-a-minute, and then second, they are actually asking them very good questions.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

The insanity of the candidates, with the possible exception of Huntsman, is so great that the moderators seem fantastic by comparison.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Audience no likey biblical questions.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:38 pm

They don't like any attacks on the biblical fundie interpretations.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Because then they'd be forced to admit how stupid it is.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm

No way would Michele be submissive–clearly a top.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Got "GOTCHA" Michele?

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Oh god Byron York just asked Bachmann if her and Marcus are into submission. Ew.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Submission means respect?
Also:
War is Peace
Ignorance is Strength
Freedom is Slavery

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm

The crowd doesn't like a question based on an exact quote.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm

I don't care what Bachmann says, Marcus is clearly the sub in that relationship.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Fuck me Michelle, a Godly man, respect, five children and 23 foster jubilees!

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm

When is this nightmare over?

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm

oh Lizzie …. I'll pour another bourbon-& ginger on your behalf…

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 10:36 am

Not in our lifetime, Baby.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm

And that's why we need to recognize marriage nationwide, Mittens…

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:32 pm

States should have the right to do what they choose……….UNLESS!……

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Yay! Gay-bashing time!!!!!

SudsMcKenzie August 11, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Huntsman?, … is he the less "weird" Mormon?

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:48 pm

See? People DO know who he is.

SudsMcKenzie August 12, 2011 at 1:25 am

Im all in

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Huntsman has seven kids?
His poor wife…
…then again, I think I feel worse for Mrs Santorum…

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Only five bio kids. The Huntsmans have two adopted children. This guy looks right from the outside, but his inside is, sadly, just as fucked up as the others'.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:33 pm

I weep for Huntsman.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

He has to be ashamed to be in such "august" company don't you think? He is a smart and seemingly decent man.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

It seemed that way until he started on the EPA's reign of terror bullshit.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Well, everyone gets one.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:11 pm

He only seems that way, love. As Governor of Utah, his response to polluters was a slap on the wrist (which is why he decries the EPA); understandably, since his father's company (which is where he gets his billions) is a major polluter. Google "Huntsman Odessa TX" for details. Also Google "Huntsman company jobs China" for information on Huntsman Chemicals' outsourcing of its production to China, where they can pollute far more freely, and have grown their business 59% as a result. He also supports the Ryan Plan, and is outspoken about the need to END Medicare.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Now I hate him, thanks baby.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:55 pm

I couldn't bear to think of *my* Limeylizzie possibly sharing some of that sweet, sweet lovin' with someone as undeserving as Huntsman.

AJWjr. August 11, 2011 at 10:47 pm

He's a willing participant, fuck him.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Foxnews.com online poll, any question that begins "How" is not a yes or no question.

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Romney's not helping the argument that he's not a flip-flopper with his anti-state rights marriage answer.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Rick Perry will outlaw Mormans!

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Paul, how can marriage be between a single man and a single woman? If they're married they're not single.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm

I was wondering how long it would take Ricky to get to polygamy…asshole…

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:12 pm

It's his chickenshit way of getting at both teh GHEY and hitting the Mormon candidates below the belt. What a jerk.

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 10:35 pm

The people of Iowa are in a forced gay marriage? Kinky.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Now Santorum thinks there's a pro-polygamy movement out there right now.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Santorum will now tell us about man-on-dog marriage

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Soooo disappointed he decided he wouldn't go there.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Because we can't have justices following laws or constitutions. Fuck that.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Santorum wants to say you can't have 50 different state laws on marriage? Is he utterly unaware that we *do* have 50 different state laws on marriage?
Jesusfuckingchrist…

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Next debate just by Twitter!

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Michele thinks marriage should be one *gay* man, one woman.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Rick will fight to keep you from getting gay married. If that means he has to get naked and tackle two gay men in a pool of baby oil, he'll do it! He will! He's offering! Please!

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Woohoo! Jail the doctors!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

"man-woman marriage"

Michele, you are a national treasure. A gross, obnoxious, repugnant treasure.

salt_bagel August 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Bachmann inadvertantly coins the term "man-woman marriage". I like it.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Thereby lending sanction to the "man-man" and "woman-woman" marriages she so hates. Isn't she remarkable?

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Wait, so if we kill the rapist then we can kill the fetus right? I'm totally fine with that actually.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

women who get raped should accept the gift of a baby, because God sent it

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:40 pm

I tell you what, when I get an unwanted gift, I take it back to the store.

Rarian Rakista August 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm

When I get an unwanted fetus I take it back to God with an abortion.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Yeah, that was kinda the joke. Thanks.

BTWBFDIMHO August 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Don't retreat, regift!

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Holy fucking shit, I now really hate fucking Santorum with this rape child business.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

WHAT is Ricky going on about how? How the fuck is a fetus that was conceived via a rape violated *twice* if the woman has an abortion? Did the rapist rape the fetus or the woman?

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:39 pm

Maybe the fetus was a victim the first time because it had to be inside a woman's uterus after the woman got raped?

Or Santorum is a fucking moron.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Both.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Santorum is against polygamy, but for killing doctors.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Well, that's gonna do a whole fucking lot for the state of health care in this country.

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Women who have been traumatized by rape shouldn't be traumatized again by abortion? Seriously, FUCK YOU, Ricky.

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 10:42 am

Snark off, I don't know why it has taken me 30 years of thinking about abortion to see that the main issue is NOT when a fetus becomes human, but that nobody should be FORCED to risk their life for months for someone else against their will. Not-quite-fully-human-ness just underlines that point.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Santorum needs to remind us that he hates women, too, not just gays and Muslims.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:38 pm

"big enough", Santorum-sanctimoniousness, our country should be, to embrace the well-being of human life BEYOND the fetal stage. Prove it, don't hide behind easy moralizing.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Kitty Door says it's all the EPA's reign of terror and Obama failed economic policies.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Aw, your little rape reminder is adorable. Looks just like your dad.

wtf, Rick.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Get Donald Trump back!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Just think of the ratings. They'd be (H)UGE!

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I can't believe I actually concur with this sentiment. I despise that stubby-fingered vulgarian.

GuanoFaucet August 11, 2011 at 10:39 pm

And the "Who hates women the most" lightning round is finally over.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

All of 'em, Katie…

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:39 pm

Tpaw doesn't want to jail women who murder their babbies? SOFT ON CRIME

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Oh God–individual unemployment savings accounts?
Riiight…because people who are not making enough to get by even when they do have a job have lots of money to save up for the next GOP recession…

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:49 pm

I'm guessing he's not counting on unemployed people voting. Or employed people, for that matter.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Uh-oh, Mittens wants to give us all some kind of allowance rather than unemployment.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:18 pm

I've got his allowance right heah.

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Shorter Romney: I believe the government shouldn't interfere in the economy, therefore let's replace Obama for not fixing the economy the government shouldn't be interfering in.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 11, 2011 at 10:43 pm

It's more like conceptual douchebag art than actual discussion and ideas which make sense.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm

GOT "GOTCHA," HUNTSMAN??!?

Go ahead and dodge the question, it's in keeping with several of your peers here.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm

"EPA reign of terror"

Et tu, Huntsman?

BTW, damn if these questions aren't passive-aggressive as hell.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:43 pm

"Terrorist" seems to be an equal-opportunity slur in this debate room, doesn't it?

SudsMcKenzie August 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm

… wait a hold it Mittens, my unemployment account will now be my "own" funds?. ohhh, I'll be like my own corporation?

Rarian Rakista August 11, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Mitt has this insane idea that has been floating around that unemployment insurance should be privatized.

Now imagine a major economic depression. Millions of people try to collect their insurance and boom every insurance company becomes insolvent just like when the credit default swaps came home to roost.

SudsMcKenzie August 12, 2011 at 1:29 am

just give me everything i have ever paid into unemployment and there will be a Teddy Bear pick nick tomorrow.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Yes, Huntsman, we need to make things in this country again…by not giving tax breaks to companies that outsource jobs…

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:19 pm
salt_bagel August 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Huntsman: If that smoke ain't billowing, America ain't makin any jobs.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:20 pm

He should know all about smoke billowing. Onto people of a darker shade, anyway. Google "Huntsman Odessa TX."

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Huntsman will stop the EPA's reign of terror. Once again, what the fuck?

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Ok, Huntsman just lost me with his "EPA reign of Terror" Wanker.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Golly, Bachmann is undeterred by reality

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:44 pm

It's not a blank check if it has a number on it, Michele …WITH ONE L.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Fuck you Shelley, it's not a blank cheque if it has an amount on it, you dozy, wall-eyed cunt.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:21 pm

"Odalisque" on the one hand, and "dozy, wall-eyed cunt" on the other. I'm in heaven.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:44 pm

The debt ceiling caused what, the stock market going down or up this week?
OH MY GOD – We don't have an ability to pay our debt…
..BECAUSE OF FUCKTARDS LIKE MICHELE BACHMANN who want to stop us. Period.
They are using S&P regardless of the facts, ain't they?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:44 pm

No, Michele, S&P said we are incapable of coming together to solve the debt issue. Largely due to the unwillingness of Reeps to negotiate anything at all…

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Actually, S&P flat-out stated that the Reeps' downplaying of the enormity of debt default was what caused the downgrade. Not that Michele will ever tell anyone that, of course.

Rarian Rakista August 11, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Oh noes there is a black person speaking instantly -80%.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:45 pm

It's easy to fix the debt, just cut those things, and those other things! Man Cain is incoherent.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Michele just said something economically re-tarded.

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Thatre is no such word as "tarded." Dadinngg. good Night! i love all you fucks.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm

"Does it to you?"…

Tonight, the ginger & bourbon did..

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Cain: that idea will work this time because I'm the one proposing it, although I don't care if they actually do it or not.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm

What "growth decisions" have our corporate cronies been making on behalf of job creation lately, Cain??

Radiotherapy® August 11, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Pizza!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Cain: one tax cut is not enough…
…wasn't there a trashy novel called "Once is Not Enough"? I seem to remember my mom would not let me read it…

SudsMcKenzie August 11, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Is it true what they say about Black Presidential candidates?, …. its twoo, its twoo

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:47 pm

..and Cain goes right into tax cutting right after that. Which is it, tax cuts or eliminate the deficit? These are mutually exclusive.

OneYieldRegular August 11, 2011 at 10:47 pm

I watched 10 minutes of this until it hit me that every single one of the people on that stage is a bigot. So now I'm back to drinking in the dark.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Huntsman isn't from everything I can tell. But, he's probably the only one.

OneYieldRegular August 11, 2011 at 10:58 pm

okay, fair enough – he wasn't on during my 10 minutes. Has he walked off the stage in disgust yet, by any chance?

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Regan, drink!

Oh good, she's asking Paul about the Fed; time for some crackpottery.

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:52 pm

And so he could remind us that Reagan was for sound money…wait, whhhaattt???

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Abolish the Fed, go back to the gold standard, and get Americans growing their own survival seeds again

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

He would also let folks grow their own weed (legally) As this is one of the top cash crops in my state already, I figure we might be on the weed standard pretty quickly here.

salt_bagel August 11, 2011 at 10:48 pm

It's been a while since there was a big Paultard hootenanny. Oh wait, here's some crap about the Fed.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Rick Santorum has the largest forehead I've seen in many moons. Good god if that puppy ain't the size of a small dog.

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:52 pm

I wonder what he does with the extra space.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Well, the larger the cushion the better, well, you know the rest.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Actually, Ricky, the Tea Party leadership = FOX News. They won't appreciate your comment on the people leading at all…that is, if they take it (or you) seriously…

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Oh good it's almost over.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Whoohoo–there's a Paultard in the Fox comments saying 'if you don't vote for Ron Paul your a communist and should be deported to China"

I love these guys

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:52 pm

I love that word, I use it in my sex life and on Wonkette…differing reasons but similar results.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

It's a beautiful word. A very beautiful word. Fuck now I'm thinking about cunts. Drink!

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:22 pm

A cunt is a beautiful thing. Although Gropecunt Lane in London is perhaps not the best use of that beautiful word.

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 10:47 am

"Snatch" is my favorite word for the silk purse. It makes me all mouth-watery tingly.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2011 at 10:49 am

Snatch is good, but during the love act it has to be either “cunt” or “pussy”.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Sweet, sweet relief. It is nearly over. Surely, god is a merciful god.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Let's finish up like it's Jerry Springer. They got a bell and everything!

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:54 pm

There's an anti-Medicare cuts ad on right now. Because government shouldn't get to run Medicare. No kidding.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:54 pm

No, Michele, the American people repeatedly said they wanted compromise and balance, including new revenues, in all the non – FOX polls…

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Freudian slip, Huntsman? "for our schools to secede" — I'm sure that's what you actually meant. Wanting schools to 'succeed' is so 20th century.

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Huntsman: "I'm a little different than everyone else here. I'm not completely stupid."

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Huntsman seems pretty bright. Too bad that doesn't count for much in that party anymore.

SudsMcKenzie August 11, 2011 at 10:56 pm

… meanwhile, Sara Palin is watching repeats of "Ice Loves Coco" at the Ames Quality Inn.

salt_bagel August 11, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Huntsman is the odd guy out. He says we should never default and two people clap.

gullywompr August 11, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Yeah, how about that. One sane guy in a frothing sea of froth. He doesn't stand a chance.

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 10:56 am

Huntsman is, in effect, primarying Obama from the right, but there are no crabs within a thousand miles of where he has dropped his pots.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Huntsman calls Teapartiers a bunch of paste-eating poop-smearing retards.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 10:57 pm

He's being really kind then.

salt_bagel August 11, 2011 at 10:56 pm

WHOA WAIT A SEC IS "SPECIAL LIGHTING" THE NEW SLANG FOR BLACK?!

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Yay! Closing soundbites statements!

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:56 pm

What a load of cobblers this is, how can anyone in their right mind think that any of these Luddites could be a better President than Barry???

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 10:57 am

President Mittens with a magically Democratic Congress is what's best for America, get with the program!!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:57 pm

"National media may not pay a lot of attention to us"
RIcky, don't the people on your side of the aisle brag incessantly about FOX' ratings?

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Well they don't pay attention to Rick, just the candidates who might win the nomination.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 10:57 pm

I totally want to kick Rick.

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:58 pm

We all do.

DahBoner August 12, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Let me roll him…

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:57 pm

I'll kick your fucking frothy tires…ew no I won't.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Santorum can beat incumbent Democrats … and be beaten as an incumbent Republican.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:29 pm

He lost to the last one by 60%.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Herman Cain has a great baritone. Young man has a bright future in voiceover work.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Herman Cain is spouting poetry, dear God, when will it all end?

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:58 pm

So, Paul wants to work for liberty…by serving 35 years in government…which denies liberty according to him…
I has a confuzed…

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Ron, Ron, Ron, don't say "down on" near Ricky.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Ron Paul does not understand the meaning of liberty, does he?

GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD

DahBoner August 12, 2011 at 1:58 pm

"GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD"

Who could have ever predicted that like any Republican pirate, Ron Paul is only after your booty?

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm

No need to argue, Obama just don't understand.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Mittens needs to stop smacking his lips before he speaks, it's repulsive.

Steverino247 August 11, 2011 at 11:41 pm

He's a lizard. They do shit like that.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Oh. My. God. we're still talking about "organizer"?

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Barack Obama has never worked in the real economy, Mittens? I guess working for a law firm and as a law school professor aren't "real" jobs.

fuflans August 12, 2011 at 1:08 am

and neither has michele ma bell.

ShaveTheWhales August 12, 2011 at 2:53 am

Certainly, that can't compare with inheriting a fortune and "working" as a corporate raider.

DahBoner August 12, 2011 at 2:00 pm

"Certainly, that can't compare with inheriting a fortune"

BINGO!!!

If you weren't born with a Silver Spoon in your mouth, you're not successful in the "real world"…

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Well, unless you're the owner of some enormous raider firm like Bain Capital, you're not holding a REEL JERB. You know. It's just like REALAMERIKKKANZ(tm).

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Michele: Iowa can bring Obama's power to an end…
…how many electoral votes does Iowa have again?

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Two years from now would be an EXCELLENT time for R's to turn out to vote agains Obama…

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

FREEDUMB!!!!!11!

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

The Iowa straw poll is going to end the Obama presidency?

Michele Bachmann is soooo ridiculous.

ProgressiveInga August 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Wait, what? Obama got his start in Iowa? I thought it was Illinois, but perhaps not…..

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Is Michele frothing again? Tossing Marcus' salad will do that to a woman, I suppose.

OurHoboSenator August 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Huntsman channeling Jimmy Carter's "malaise" speech there? Interesting strategy…

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Is Huntsman…crying? And the Emmy goes to…

KenLayIsAlive August 12, 2011 at 1:38 am

Jon huntsman for his portrayal of john boehner in tonights episode of "america's got political herpes'

Negropolis August 12, 2011 at 2:36 am

I was going to say Sarah Palin, because she expects to win everything off the backs and performances of everyone else.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Well, this has been one epic night of Wonkette. Thank you all.

Huntsman crying? Gotta go.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Huntsman knows he has no chance among these freaks.

gullywompr August 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Newt soooo knows he's dropping out in a week or two…

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm

No animals were harmed during the making of this program.

KenLayIsAlive August 12, 2011 at 1:34 am

No actual humans appeared onstage during this broadcast.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:35 pm

I love animals, and would never hurt them in any way, although that has never stopped me from enjoying them on the dining table. And although I can profess neither love nor culinary interest in the current Republican presidential lineup, I wouldn't shed a tear if anyone KICKED THEIR COLLECTIVE NUTBAGS TO A FUCKING PULP.

Ah, that feels so much better.

SheriffRoscoe August 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm

BREAKING: Asking Newt For A Closing Statement Not A "Gotcha" Question.

SudsMcKenzie August 11, 2011 at 11:27 pm

I just wonder if he's flying home in coach.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:54 am

Nope, coach turns into a pumpkin at midnight.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Newt: the election is 15 months away…
…as amusing as this freak show has been, 15 more months of this may yet make me insane…

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Need. More. Alcohol.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Your party's "crisis", Newt, is no viable Republi-contenders for the highest office in the land seem to have surfaced, as much as you all are trying.

salt_bagel August 11, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Ah, Brett with a ripping jape at the loud Paultard's expense. Pip pip!

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 11:02 pm

And now for some words of wisdom from Elvis Costello:
I used to be disgusted
But now I'm just amused http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LndI-OXaYKE

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 11:03 pm

I may not get these last 2 hours of my life back, but I think I may have the drugs to forget they ever happened.

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 11:03 pm

And that's it. Thanks, Kirsten!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 11:04 pm

America can't be this stupid, you guys. God, please don't let America be this stupid come election time.

10:59 – Congressman Ron Paul’s closing statement: “I AM SO OLD. GOD. MONEY. LIBERTY. NO WARS. I AM OVERHEATING. GAH.”</blockquotes>

Thanks for this, Kirsten.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 11:05 pm

American exceptionalism: We can out-stupid ANYONE

salt_bagel August 11, 2011 at 11:04 pm

And now Frank Luntz of the Luntz Global Luntzes will weigh in while wearing nine pounds of makeup.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Somehow, I made it through the debate without drinking–loved the infighting–but this insipid post – debate commentary is intolerable. Off to the bar…bbl…

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Oh geez. I just got an eyeful of Sean Hannity and Frank Lutz in HighDef. That is some fucked up shit.
Yee Haw motherfuckers – that was a trip (and totally worth the loss in p-ness size).
AIght President Barack Obama, if you don't kick these cocksucking, imbecilic, evil-wrong dipshits in the face, I just don't know how much more I can take…

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 11:12 pm

I turned it off the second I heard "Up next: Sean Hannity". Ugh no.

Doktor Zoom August 11, 2011 at 11:09 pm

I rather like that all 4 of the Fox.com webcast commentators hated the debate format on their own network.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 11, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Needed more Thad McCotter.

Oh, who am I kidding? Nothing needs more Thad McCotter.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Had to cleanse my TV after watching FOX, so I've switched to the Logo network. Re – Run of RuPaul's Drag U…perfect!

SudsMcKenzie August 11, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Someday, Wonkette will have the "dignity" to allow an editor to actually have cable TV and a (separate} working internet connection.

snicker snack August 11, 2011 at 11:34 pm

I did it! I clicked on the Kortney link. I totally expected to see delicious animals in horrific conditions. I did not expect that the first image in that video would be a saggy, pompous Paul McCartney. Why couldn't they have started with Kortney deep throating that cucumber?

BarackMyWorld August 12, 2011 at 1:14 am

I didn't think they showed Kortney at all.

Nostrildamus August 12, 2011 at 2:56 am

that cucumber

Sir Paul?

AJWjr. August 12, 2011 at 10:28 am

You sure that wasn't Angela Lansbury?

mumbly_joe August 12, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I, for one, am shocked -SHOCKED!- that PETA would resort to such despicable bait-and-switch tactics to get people to click their ads. That seems so unlike them.

Fortunately it did also prompt me to use the google to see if such a thing actually exists at all, and… here

MozakiBlocks August 11, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Over 500 comments? What the hell happened?

Did God actually smite one of these fuckers live on stage?

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Comedy happened. Sweet, sweet, alcohol-fueled comedy.

Rarian Rakista August 12, 2011 at 12:04 am

Don't forget the MJ as well.

El Pinche August 11, 2011 at 11:52 pm

HAHAHA..I'm watching it through Wonkette comments. Fuck Ames…Swamp People is on right now.

SheriffRoscoe August 12, 2011 at 12:14 am

Best part for me was when they asked Ms. Bible Thumper Shelley if she really believed all the bullshit that's in there in regard to her possessing a pussy and the audience booed. SO. LOUDLY.

El Pinche August 12, 2011 at 11:20 am

Sounds juicy ….that part of the debate not Shelley's pussy , of course. That vagina has been dried up and fused shut by the hands of time.

fuflans August 12, 2011 at 12:16 am

man. i am so sorry i missed this.

wait. no, no i'm not at all.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 12, 2011 at 12:38 am

You didn't miss anything interesting, save perhaps Newt's tiny t-rex arms flailing as he repeatedly calls "gotcha question"

genxr August 12, 2011 at 12:38 am

What? What'd I miss?

berkeleyfarm August 12, 2011 at 12:42 am

I was at a zoning meeting tonight with the usual cast of Berkeley characters, which surprisingly appears to have less likely to make me want to icepick my head.

I can identify all of the Seven Dwarves with Snow-White Crazy-Eyes in the photo EXCEPT for the one in the upper right hand corner. Who dat?

Fukui_sanYesOta August 12, 2011 at 12:51 am

Is it the guy who played the synthetic dude in Aliens?

Negropolis August 12, 2011 at 2:33 am

City council meetings are the best local television, hands down. In my city, we had a woman that used to wear a tiara to every meeting while berating the council, and another woman used to come down clearly off her medication and so distracted by things in the air it was rather hard to watch her speak.

SudsMcKenzie August 12, 2011 at 1:14 am

So "Hopey" wins cause he has "1 billion dollars", and then we all hope he can do stuff because this is his last election and his next decision is where the library is.

So this is something. …. these other people.

Negropolis August 12, 2011 at 2:35 am

Wha?

flamingpdog August 12, 2011 at 1:19 am

I only missed this because I was out all day looking for a polling place in Wisconsin to cast my vote in the recall election. The card in the mail did say the 11th.

fuflans August 12, 2011 at 1:29 am

that graphic is pretty fucking awesome btw. even if michele looks way more natalie portman than she deserves.

donner_froh August 12, 2011 at 1:29 am

The best way to experience these people writhing on the ground and speaking in tongues is through Wonkette comments after the fact than watching it live. My remaining shards of sanity thank the commentariat.

Angry_Marmot August 12, 2011 at 2:34 am

Heading out now. to the vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic roll on under the night, to watch the Perseid meteor shower and wipe these termites from my mind.

ShaveTheWhales August 12, 2011 at 2:51 am

He's channelling an ancient OBGYN named Glod.

ShaveTheWhales August 12, 2011 at 3:00 am

My thanks to the Wonkommenteers. I believe I've grasped the essential points of the debate (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) (1) in a quarter of the time (I did read all the comments), and (2) with far less danger to my sanity.

HAHAHAHA. Essential points of debate. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Whatta buncha maroons.

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 11:06 am

I'm with you.

smokefilleddoommate August 12, 2011 at 5:12 am

Parade of the horribles.

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 11:07 am

Les Horribles.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Usually referred to as "imaginary horribles," but in this case, they were all too horribly real.

finallyhappy August 12, 2011 at 8:41 am

Just read the comments and never looked at the debate. Thank you, Wonketteers for saving me the angst and pain of watching these morons.

freakishlywrong August 12, 2011 at 8:50 am

625 comments! I can't and will not watch Fux, so I just read my way through that debacle. What an embarrassing spectacle. These are candidates for President of the United States for fucks sake.

jus_wonderin August 12, 2011 at 9:09 am

Ah, this would have been soooo much more fun with Sarah in the mix.

stew1 August 12, 2011 at 9:11 am

"Wives, submit to they closeted gay husbands–be thou fabulous in their presence," Corinithians 5:Somthing.

Suq Madiq August 12, 2011 at 9:16 am

K-Bo Jo deserves the rest of the year off for having to watch that for us. But I still need to read more than four posts up in here today.

stew1 August 12, 2011 at 9:22 am

Actually, we need more submissive women in congress–someone has to serve the snacks at those long, committee meetings.

jus_wonderin August 12, 2011 at 9:58 am

OT: How is it you have 0 thumbs up when you just had 2? I thought we couldn't be downfisted anymore?? Argh. Mysterious-nous

natoslug August 12, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I feel like a winner. My tv stayed off all night and I found a less painful excuse to drink to excess.

Oblios_Cap August 12, 2011 at 12:56 pm

you couldn't have paid me enough to sit my corporate ass down and watch that clown show.

Four more comments and we're, fittingly, at 666.

outragedcitizen August 12, 2011 at 4:40 pm

All I know is I'm glad I'm not the poor sap that has to clean the stage where Santorum was standing.

şahinnparadise August 19, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Shelley just totally pwned T-Paw. http://sahinnparadisegelenekselramazancoskusu.net

Winston_Blake August 21, 2011 at 8:36 am

Sodom Hussein Obama is just a lawn jockey for the corporate welfare plantation.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 11:28 pm

I promised God anything and then I started adding stuff at the end. "except I won't vote for Bachmann, Palin, Newt…."
And now the kid is getting better…God has spoken
:-)

Barb August 11, 2011 at 11:32 pm

I like the way you think, Callyson!

jus_wonderin August 12, 2011 at 6:36 am

Glad it all worked out, Barb. Wow, that must have been scary. Loved the "except I won't vote" part!!!

jus_wonderin August 12, 2011 at 6:42 am

Does Drano count???

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 9:37 am

What is this "manufacturing" of which you speak? Is that when you arrange the pickles on the shitburger, or when the Barista spurts the moneyshot on top of the cappucino? Because the stork apparently brings all the hard goods to America.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2011 at 10:24 am

It's because I was raised by my dad with one older brother, so I am basically a teenaged boy with tits.

Chet Kincaid August 12, 2011 at 11:14 am

Well, as I mentioned a while ago, I dated a very Suzy-esque lady in the mid-'90s.

teebob2000 August 12, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Thanks for the I'm-at-work-boner.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

He is blinded by love, I am not exactly in the first flush of youth!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: