everyone loves a dildo joke.What is this Internet Magick right here? The little Internet djinn are good-humored today and casting spells on Christine O’Donnell’s Amazon related products page for everyone’s amusement. This is apparently referred to as an “Amazon bomb,” but that just feels so military industrial. How about an “Amazon sorcery orgasm” or something a little less war-like and a little more, “we enjoyed that, thank you.” Is this possibly connected to the upcoming Christine O’Donnell’s audio book going on sale next week?

There is no other ostensible reason than to taunt Christine O’Donnell at this late stage of her pathetic career in attention-seeking, so sure, it’s probably that.

Uh, let’s see, here is a random excerpt from this eternal travesty:

All this fuss and bother over a blind date when I was a teenager, for goodness’ sake! It was all very innocent, and very weird, and nothing more. This guy shared some of his views with me, and that was pretty much that. I saw him a few times after that, and I did a bit of reading on paganism, because it was a time in my life when I was searching for my own footing, but I never signed on to this guy’s beliefs. I was curious, that’s all.

It is the The Catcher in the Rye for our time. [Amazon via Teagan Goddard]

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  • gullywompr

    What, no bush trimmer? I'll be right back…

  • Sue4466

    The whole paganism thing, she was just Pan-curious.

  • Barb

    "….I was searching for my own footing…."
    I never found my own footing and now I require donors to foot everything for me.

  • when i think christine o'donnell + amazon, only one thing comes to mind.

    • gullywompr


    • elviouslyqueer

      Push, push, in the bush?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      pirhanna feeding?

    • HelmutNewton

      Clearing the forest?

    • Angry_Marmot

      O'Donnell / Xena / Wonder Woman slash fiction?

  • Crank_Tango

    God I miss her.

  • hagajim

    Well – they do call it the Hitachi Magic Wand after all!

  • SorosBot

    I pity the poor reviewers who get forced to read this thing.

  • Pragmatist2

    Well, if "Ejaculoid" is what I think its is, she's got Santorum's support locked up.

  • Needs a Hello Kitty vibrator. Err, massager.

    • Oh, man…this made my day. Just read some of the reviews:

      "I would like to start by saying that of all the Japanese animated vibrators I have owned this was by far the most disappointing. The pink bow added no stimulation whatsoever and the ears were down right painful. After 5 completely unsatisfying uses I returned the item and went back to using my old friend pikachu. "

      • littlebigdaddy

        Who knew?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Talk about a Thundershocker.

      • I just wrote and submitted one, if you see something about a little river of cotton candy, that was me.

        • Nicely done, my friend.

        • Negropolis

          I thought the ears were painful too, but then I just turned it around, there are no sharp edges on the other end and I can see Kitty better like that!

          Oh, you're good; you're real good.

  • What, no signature brooms??? I mean Carly Fiorina had signature brooms, and she wasn't even a CERTIFIED witch.

  • samsuncle

    "I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a witch, which is what I am, let's face it."

  • SayItWithWookies

    I don't care how long it takes you, Christine — your fifteen minutes are up.

  • nounverb911

    Is there a link to Marcus Bachmannn's pray away the witchcraft clinics there?

  • Callyson

    Want. Pipedreams Total Ecstasy Vibrator. Now.

    • Somebody needs to turn that into a glass bong.

  • Barb

    I was just reading the tags for her book and next to "keeping America dumb, unkempt" etc. I added "Wonkateer's dream"

  • "I am not an Amazon bestselling dildo. I am you."

    — Christine O'Durrnell

  • metamarcisf

    You guys have it backwards. What is pictured above is the real unhacked page. The hilarious hacked page, still up, recommends "Where's the Birth Certificate", "Righteous Indignation", Ann Coulter's "Demonic", and Bristol Palin's autobiography. Those nutty hackers sure have a sense of humor…

    • There's no hacking, they're just tagging various items with her name.

  • Sue4466

    Wow, who knew Hello KItty & dildos had such a crossover market.

    Really do learn something new every day.

    • Barrelhse

      "Hello Klitty Dildos"?

      • Sue4466

        Click through to amazon. You're not wrong.

  • x111e7thst

    Needs more Kortney Cucumbers.

    • Tundra Grifter

      We ALL need more Kortney Kukes!

  • Radiotherapy®

    The real magic is the fact that this washed up witch isn't in the hoosgow.

  • Eve8Apples

    #6 looks like a foot-shaped vibrator. I've heard of putting your foot in your mouth but never putting your foot in your kooter.

    • Nostrildamus

      Not a fan of Savage Love, eh?

    • Beowoof

      Sounds as if it is a weird fisting variation.

  • Nostrildamus
  • Lucidamente1

    If things get really tough, she can always sell her brain on Amazon Marketplace ("Like New. Never Been Used.")

    • New in Box. With instructional CD.

    • Beowoof

      I think Marty Feldman summed up her brain, Abby Normal

      • EggplantParm

        Dammit Beowoof, ya beat me to it by…uh, 12 hours. I gotta start getting out of bed earlier…or staying up later or… what time is it and who left this ladybug costume here?

  • hollywooddood

    Well, whatever pays the rent.

    • Beowoof

      That's what campaign contributions are for.

  • Come here a minute

    If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and which school of witchcraft and wizardry I went to, and all that Harry Potter kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

    • littlebigdaddy


      • Doktor Zoom

        My Little Phony?

  • Editorial note, because I'm a geek: her excerpt, if sentences were placed in reverse, would seem to have less of that "No, really!" insisting, pandering, CYA'ing quality that gives away there's more (or less) to her story than what she's putting out there.

    "I was curious, that’s all. I saw him a few times after that, and I did a bit of reading on paganism, because it was a time in my life when I was searching for my own footing, but I never signed on to this guy’s beliefs. This guy shared some of his views with me, and that was pretty much that. It was all very innocent, and very weird, and nothing more. All this fuss and bother over a blind date when I was a teenager, for goodness’ sake!"

    Yeah, I like my way better. Hire a freakin' editor with some standards and try on just a simulacrum of sincerity before you publish your next lament-of-innocence, Xtine!

    • When I'm reading an autobiographical story from a woman that begins with "I was curious, thats all," it damned well better continue with descriptions of shared sapphic kisses, references to moist, musky treasures and a happy fucking ending with limbs and tongues entwined.

      • SorosBot

        Considering that all the Wiccans I've known have been lesbians or bisexual women, I'm wondering if she may have done a little gender switching in that story.

  • BZ1

    Chrissie on "dabbling": "dabbling” means that a subject is “lightly explored,” with a “superficial interest.” You wouldn’t hire a lawyer who’d dabbled in law school. You wouldn’t see a doctor who’d dabbled in medicine; you wouldn't vote for a dim bulb like me… (or words to that effect…)

  • ttommyunger

    I tried to download her book on my Kindle, but it refused to accept it.

    • Mine actually puked.

      • ttommyunger


        • You don't want to upset a Kindle.. trust me.

          • ttommyunger

            I would think not.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Too much hair in the plug.

      • ttommyunger

        I try to keep the hair above the plug. Makes it easier to find.

    • flamingpdog

      I've made it all the way to the beginning of the second paragra

      • ttommyunger

        I'm calling 911! You've undoubtedly OD'd on bullshit.

  • SexySmurf

    If you play her audio book backwards it sounds like she's either saying "worship Satan" or "cut the top marginal tax rate."

  • elviouslyqueer

    I'm sure Christine wouldn't object to a lovely pair of CandyPants edible panties, would she?

  • MissusBarry

    Perhaps today would be a good day to order some new hardware.

  • SexySmurf

    What no butt plugs? How else is Christine going to remain a technical virgin?

  • Indiepalin

    Wait for the audiobook, narrated by Keith Richards.

  • FlyOverGirl

    Gawd, it's like looking at my usual recommendations on Amazon.

  • mrpuma2u

    Ya have to believe we are magic, nothing can stand in our way (with apologies to Olivia Newton John, sorry hun)

  • CapnFatback

    because it was a time in my life when I was searching for my own footing

    Finally! Details about Christine O'Donnell's masturbation stance!

  • Quayle2012_KNOT

    Don't drop The Rabbit in the cauldron, you dildo!

  • Barrelhse

    Pipedreams Total Ecstasy looks like a shocker.

  • Nostrildamus

    Where's the orgasm certificate ?!?!??!!!11!!

  • mavenmaven

    Why does the word "dabbling" sound so obscene when she uses it?

  • nappyduggs

    Where, o where, is the Walmart- failure-sex creamz?
    Also, is there any way to get a biography of Cotton Mather on that recommendations thingie?

  • El Pinche

    She puts the lubricant lotion in the Amazon basket.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I saw him a few times after that, and I did a bit of reading on paganism, because it was a time in my life when I was searching for my own footing, but I never signed on to this guy’s beliefs.

    Not all pagans are Wiccans. And I seem to remember hearing her tell the story that they went to a Satanic ritual, which definitely isn't Wiccan…and yet that's the way she categorized it. Big shock O'Donnell never knew what she was talking about.

  • Radiotherapy®

    How is it that several chapters are titled: The Bush Years?

  • Rotundo_

    The grooming accessories and "massage" products were pretty entertaining; if Xtine actually fired up one (the Pipedreams Total Ecstasy should definitely take good care of all of those erogenous zones around the gates to paradise) it would do her a world of good, maybe she would get a job at Denny's and get a life. She could hook up with one of the guys working the grill and get things properly stretched and relaxed and learn to enjoy life a little. If someone close to her truly cared… Hey Mom and Dad O'Donnell, YEAH! YOU! YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS A GOOD F@CKIN' BUY THE KID ONE O' THESE TO GET "ER STARTED!!!

  • Redhead

    Well if you go by the standard the tea party has applied to Obama and different socialists, this pretty much makes O'Donnell the leader of the witch church (do they have bishops?).

  • user-of-owls

    Believe it or not they have a PBS for Kids tie-in promo featuring Dora the Explorer, a Plot line based on the search for Emelia Earhart and the untamed wilderness that is Christine's own Mato Grosso!

  • I don't know what any of that stuff is!

    • El Pinche


  • Limeylizzie

    OK I just went to tag it 'Hairy Pudenda" and I noticed another tag " Wonketteer's Dream"…

  • FannyBurney

    I look forward to her book-signing party at The Dollar Tree.

  • fuflans

    oh bless her heart.

  • tzadik42

    Everyone needs to go tag Michelle Bachmann on the page for 'The Story of O' since she obviously doesn't understand the definition of the word 'submission'

  • ibwilliamsi

    It's good to see that California Exotics is getting so much publicity out of Christine O'Donnell. It's as it should be. Still looking for the "bush whacker" though. Maybe just a Braun mini trimmer?

  • Tundra Grifter

    This lamestream "news" items is so 24 hours ago!

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