who says magic isn't real?

Christine O’Donnell Amazon Page Mostly Dildos and Witchcraft Books

everyone loves a dildo joke.What is this Internet Magick right here? The little Internet djinn are good-humored today and casting spells on Christine O’Donnell’s Amazon related products page for everyone’s amusement. This is apparently referred to as an “Amazon bomb,” but that just feels so military industrial. How about an “Amazon sorcery orgasm” or something a little less war-like and a little more, “we enjoyed that, thank you.” Is this possibly connected to the upcoming Christine O’Donnell’s audio book going on sale next week?

There is no other ostensible reason than to taunt Christine O’Donnell at this late stage of her pathetic career in attention-seeking, so sure, it’s probably that.

Uh, let’s see, here is a random excerpt from this eternal travesty:

All this fuss and bother over a blind date when I was a teenager, for goodness’ sake! It was all very innocent, and very weird, and nothing more. This guy shared some of his views with me, and that was pretty much that. I saw him a few times after that, and I did a bit of reading on paganism, because it was a time in my life when I was searching for my own footing, but I never signed on to this guy’s beliefs. I was curious, that’s all.

It is the The Catcher in the Rye for our time. [Amazon via Teagan Goddard]

Sponsored Video
Related

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

100 comments

  1. Barb

    "….I was searching for my own footing…."
    I never found my own footing and now I require donors to foot everything for me.

    1. Chillwaver

      Oh, man…this made my day. Just read some of the reviews:

      "I would like to start by saying that of all the Japanese animated vibrators I have owned this was by far the most disappointing. The pink bow added no stimulation whatsoever and the ears were down right painful. After 5 completely unsatisfying uses I returned the item and went back to using my old friend pikachu. "

        1. Negropolis

          I thought the ears were painful too, but then I just turned it around, there are no sharp edges on the other end and I can see Kitty better like that!

          Oh, you're good; you're real good.

  2. samsuncle

    "I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a witch, which is what I am, let's face it."

  3. Barb

    I was just reading the tags for her book and next to "keeping America dumb, unkempt" etc. I added "Wonkateer's dream"

  4. metamarcisf

    You guys have it backwards. What is pictured above is the real unhacked page. The hilarious hacked page, still up, recommends "Where's the Birth Certificate", "Righteous Indignation", Ann Coulter's "Demonic", and Bristol Palin's autobiography. Those nutty hackers sure have a sense of humor…

  5. Sue4466

    Wow, who knew Hello KItty & dildos had such a crossover market.

    Really do learn something new every day.

  6. Eve8Apples

    #6 looks like a foot-shaped vibrator. I've heard of putting your foot in your mouth but never putting your foot in your kooter.

  7. Lucidamente1

    If things get really tough, she can always sell her brain on Amazon Marketplace ("Like New. Never Been Used.")

      1. EggplantParm

        Dammit Beowoof, ya beat me to it by…uh, 12 hours. I gotta start getting out of bed earlier…or staying up later or… what time is it and who left this ladybug costume here?

  8. Come here a minute

    If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and which school of witchcraft and wizardry I went to, and all that Harry Potter kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

  9. Mumbletypeg

    Editorial note, because I'm a geek: her excerpt, if sentences were placed in reverse, would seem to have less of that "No, really!" insisting, pandering, CYA'ing quality that gives away there's more (or less) to her story than what she's putting out there.

    "I was curious, that’s all. I saw him a few times after that, and I did a bit of reading on paganism, because it was a time in my life when I was searching for my own footing, but I never signed on to this guy’s beliefs. This guy shared some of his views with me, and that was pretty much that. It was all very innocent, and very weird, and nothing more. All this fuss and bother over a blind date when I was a teenager, for goodness’ sake!"

    Yeah, I like my way better. Hire a freakin' editor with some standards and try on just a simulacrum of sincerity before you publish your next lament-of-innocence, Xtine!

    1. natoslug

      When I'm reading an autobiographical story from a woman that begins with "I was curious, thats all," it damned well better continue with descriptions of shared sapphic kisses, references to moist, musky treasures and a happy fucking ending with limbs and tongues entwined.

      1. SorosBot

        Considering that all the Wiccans I've known have been lesbians or bisexual women, I'm wondering if she may have done a little gender switching in that story.

  10. BZ1

    Chrissie on "dabbling": "dabbling” means that a subject is “lightly explored,” with a “superficial interest.” You wouldn’t hire a lawyer who’d dabbled in law school. You wouldn’t see a doctor who’d dabbled in medicine; you wouldn't vote for a dim bulb like me… (or words to that effect…)

  11. SexySmurf

    If you play her audio book backwards it sounds like she's either saying "worship Satan" or "cut the top marginal tax rate."

  12. elviouslyqueer

    I'm sure Christine wouldn't object to a lovely pair of CandyPants edible panties, would she?

  13. mrpuma2u

    Ya have to believe we are magic, nothing can stand in our way (with apologies to Olivia Newton John, sorry hun)

  14. nappyduggs

    Where, o where, is the Walmart- failure-sex creamz?
    Also, is there any way to get a biography of Cotton Mather on that recommendations thingie?

  15. BarackMyWorld

    I saw him a few times after that, and I did a bit of reading on paganism, because it was a time in my life when I was searching for my own footing, but I never signed on to this guy’s beliefs.

    Not all pagans are Wiccans. And I seem to remember hearing her tell the story that they went to a Satanic ritual, which definitely isn't Wiccan…and yet that's the way she categorized it. Big shock O'Donnell never knew what she was talking about.

  16. Rotundo_

    The grooming accessories and "massage" products were pretty entertaining; if Xtine actually fired up one (the Pipedreams Total Ecstasy should definitely take good care of all of those erogenous zones around the gates to paradise) it would do her a world of good, maybe she would get a job at Denny's and get a life. She could hook up with one of the guys working the grill and get things properly stretched and relaxed and learn to enjoy life a little. If someone close to her truly cared… Hey Mom and Dad O'Donnell, YEAH! YOU! YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS A GOOD F@CKIN' BUY THE KID ONE O' THESE TO GET "ER STARTED!!!

  17. Redhead

    Well if you go by the standard the tea party has applied to Obama and different socialists, this pretty much makes O'Donnell the leader of the witch church (do they have bishops?).

  18. user-of-owls

    Believe it or not they have a PBS for Kids tie-in promo featuring Dora the Explorer, a Plot line based on the search for Emelia Earhart and the untamed wilderness that is Christine's own Mato Grosso!

  19. Limeylizzie

    OK I just went to tag it 'Hairy Pudenda" and I noticed another tag " Wonketteer's Dream"…

  20. tzadik42

    Everyone needs to go tag Michelle Bachmann on the page for 'The Story of O' since she obviously doesn't understand the definition of the word 'submission'

  21. ibwilliamsi

    It's good to see that California Exotics is getting so much publicity out of Christine O'Donnell. It's as it should be. Still looking for the "bush whacker" though. Maybe just a Braun mini trimmer?

Comments are closed.