reality teevee re-runs

Liveblogging the GOP Iowa Pajama Sex Party, Tonight!

We keep hearing that “Tim Pawlenty” is going to be eliminated on tonight’s episode of Celebrity Apprentice, so we will be tuning into that just to see if we can finally figure out who this character is right before we have to say goodbye to him. That is the decent thing to do, as a politics blog. The GOP debate sexytime begins at 9pm ET on CNN Fox News.

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Hola wonkerados.

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    1. elviouslyqueer

      Do the losers get covered in battered and deep fried?

      Fixed. With a spiked baseball bat and in boiling hot Thai chili oil, respectively. And yes.

      1. PristinePantalones

        Man after my own heart. And probably, every Republican candidate's lights and liver, as well.

  1. Barb

    This sounds so much better than the preseason football I've been waiting months for and cooking all day for.

          1. ttommyunger

            Canal is a good metaphor for her fetid nether regions. Prolly brings to mind the unforgettable aroma of the slums of Calcutta.

          2. Crank_Tango

            Hmm now I am thinking of either the black hole of calcutta, or love canal. two places I really don't wanna be. So yes.

          3. ttommyunger

            Toxic AND odious. Me likey! Also, if you put both hands in up to the wrist, you'll find it so tight you won't be able to clap.

          4. jus_wonderin

            I think I saw a SyFy movies of the week with that premise. People just kept disappearing.

          5. PristinePantalones

            You do realize, don't you, that my main reason for haunting teh Wonketz is to be titillated by you inimitable prose?

          1. ttommyunger

            I have many Right-Wing friends, if that's even possible, who think the Sun rises and sets in the crack of her Labia.

          2. PristinePantalones

            You're a better man than I am, is all I'm gonna say about that. Because I would be so tempted to slap the shit out of the first person who said that to me.

  2. OkieDokieDog

    I'll only watch if God is the moderator.

    haha! I live out in the sticks aka the rurals, so I don't have that new-fangled cable thing.
    DON'T GET ME STARTED! on bitching about the FCC/HD and the DirecTV and the trees. ugh.

    1. finallyhappy

      I would watch but I DVRd a really fantastic Shirley Temple movie- Susanna of the Mounties. However, should I hear that the FSM is moderating, then I might postpone watching this classic(and racist) film

  3. horsedreamer_1

    Kirsten watches, so we don't have to.

    Thanks… This makes you a better editor than Steuf.

  4. Grief_Lessons

    For a drinking game I propose that we do a shot every time one of these clowns uses a word with the letter "e" in it, because I don't know how else this thing will be watchable.

    1. MozakiBlocks

      And tomorrow morning we Wonketteers shall find our livers on the pillow next to us smoking a cigarette and asking if "it was good for you too?"

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Speak for yourself — if I woke up next to my liver I'd chew my arm off to get away without waking it up. I figure after what I've done to it, it probably looks like pulled pork barbecue slathered in cat vomit.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    It's all-hobbits-no-Gandalf night in Iowa — I'd pity the citizens of that state, but they seem to have brought this on themselves.

      1. finallyhappy

        So my plan for my sometime in the future visit to Iowa is to fly in to Moline, drive to Davenport, eat a Machine Shed Cinnamon roll(that should be enough food for my 12 hour visit- right), visit the Putnam(the reason for my required visit) and fly back out of Moline.

  6. Callyson

    I refuse to watch FOX out of principle, or at least out of the desire not to destroy the TV that I can't afford to replace, so thanks, Wonkette, for the live blog. Depending on how much alcohol I have in the house, perhaps I will check in…

    1. Nothingisamiss

      There really isn't enough alcohol. I'm sucking it up and live streaming it, although I'm sure the Ailes/Murdoch fucktards will infest my computer. It's a hard choice, but I'm too much of a junkie not to.

      Addiction has consequences, and tonight's is that I stream fux news. (No tv.)

    2. Ken Cuccinelli

      Where I work there are TVs in the break rooms. The TVs are always on CNN or Fox News. Never MSNBC.

  7. Mumbletypeg

    No Thaddiator in the lineup? Strummin' the red-white-&-blue frets or GTFO!

    …oh, you wrote Celebrity Apprentice. I was thinking "America's Gutter Talent." All these race-to-the-bottom competitions look the same..

  8. SexySmurf

    I'd watch but I'm I'm afraid they might accidentally show a gay guy, and then society will crumble or I'll be mildly uncomfortable or something else really bad will happen.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      "Accidentally"? Honey please, you know Sick Rantorum's already part of the lineup, right?

  9. metamarcisf

    Late breaking: Woman Mauled by Chimp disqualified from tonight's debate because as Foxnews Vice-President Michael Clemente said "…each of the polls cited by Woman Mauled by Chimp are either online, interactive or out of date and do not qualify for the purpose of meeting the debate criteria."

  10. Nothingisamiss

    I hate that I have to livestream Fux, but I'm popping popcorn for reals. The only way I'll get through this laugh/cry fest is by "live streaming" as it were, my wonkette.

    Rock me like a Herman Cain!!!!!!!

  11. BornInATrailer

    Going to have to open a bottle of wine tonight.

    Do you like how I've implied that wasn't going to happen in any event?

    1. Callyson

      *A* bottle? I'm impressed…I've got two waiting and cash for the bar down the street if necessary…

  12. Limeylizzie

    God, it is tempting to watch it, but I just know they will be all hating on our Hopey, is he still our Hopey?

    1. Nothingisamiss

      He's my Hopey. Not as much change-y as I've wanted, but just when I get OVER IT, he comes out and speaks. Lawdy. If hope starts to flag near Nov. 2012, he just needs to vacation in Hawaii again and go bodysurfing. Those picture's would get me through another four years for reals.

      1. Limeylizzie

        He really is gorgeous, isn't he? I was listening to him speaking today and he really is a good man, I don't know how he doesn't just up and beat the snot out of some of those Republicans.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      Oh, completely. And the more Republicans promise to do 2001-08 all over again, the more people are going to be fond of him.

    3. johnnyzhivago

      Don't hate me for saying this – I think Obama is incredibly smart – and in this for all the right reasons. I just fear that the job is so insurmountable, it needs a ruthless person and he is not ruthless. I am very worried that this joker from Texas is going to charm his ass into the W.H. Maybe Obama and Hillary could switch places, with Obama coming back in four years when the GOP is all in Gitmo or lying at the bottom of the Bering Sea in crab cages???

  13. hagajim

    Only way I would watch this is if I had a guarantee that Michelle would slap on the ol' strap-on and ride Mittens to the ground while Ricky Perry screamed YEEHAW at the top of his lungs…otherwise – meh.

  14. ttommyunger

    No force on Earth could make me watch this flea circus. You shouldn't either, it just encourages them.

  15. GOPCrusher

    Sadly, the most sane statement of the evening will be Ron Paul saying "Vote for me. I have a blimp."

  16. FakaktaSouth

    Oh fine, great, it looks like I'll be all alone here on the fox, drinking, swearing at the tv and watching my p-ness shrink as I comment endlessly, alone. No, no, that's fine. I like being alone, all you better than me folks with other shit to do besides watch abject evil fart at each other on satan's channel. WHATEVER.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        I think that is the only appropriate option, good sir. And anything fried, on a stick, with peas and Santorum jelly.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I'll be with you darling, my husband is in LA and my cats can't do the p thing, well they can but not the right kind.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Hooray! The hubs here will be guarding the children downstairs from my hurled objects and epithets upstairs. I can feel the swears already.

  17. johnnyzhivago

    You know who I'd like to see join this – either Meg Whitman or Carly Fiorina. Strong women, well educated and well spoken, with experience running businesses (into the ground)

    1. PristinePantalones

      Have you actually heard either of those two dipshits speak? Be careful what you wish for.

  18. cheetojeebus

    Coming upon this on the ol' TV dial will be akin to finding the person before you forgot to flush.

    1. Callyson

      Yes, indeed…I'm looking forward to (more) Republican infighting:
      In an email to his supporters a few weeks ago, Mike Huckabee trashed Perry. "For all his new found commitment to hyper-conservatism, he'll get to explain why he supported pro-abortion, pro-same sex marriage Rudy Giuliani last time," Huckabee wrote.

  19. nappyduggs

    I, for one, will be watching whilst stoned out of my gourd and wearing a pair of 3D glasses left over from that last Tron flick. The glasses are for when Rick Santorum busts out his fetusfruit-spread catapult.

  20. smashaduck

    I'll try to watch. But only 'cause my guy finally answered his phone. The bourbon required to make this interesting would kill me twice over. And only on the piece of shit TV in the spare room. Not sacrificing a flat screen to these fuckers.

  21. BlueStateLibel

    Yes, I can't wait to check out America's "Who's the Weirdest of Them All" Republican matchup tonight.

    1. PristinePantalones

      I cannot believe that you would have to ponder that for even a minute. Unless, of course, it's a threesome comprising Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, and Tim Pawlenty. Oh. Never mind.

  22. Barb

    Beck said that if Obama wins there will be "race riots"
    "They are being encouraged…[the Obama administration] will take this country down. If it looks like they are losing, the uber left, they will take it down. If I can't have it, no one will."
    He also endorsed Bachmann.
    What a twerp he is.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      Really….. no low that he will not sink to, is there? And this, of course, is not as bad as some of his other balderdash.

  23. Callyson

    Oh Jesus, I just turned FOX on (can't resist this trainwreck after all)…Billo is pushing American Patriot T – shirts. I'm holding out for American Intelligence shirts, myself…

  24. Nothingisamiss

    Wow. Romney knows how jobs are made and jobs are lost. I guess when you close people's companies and fire them like he did, jobs are lost.

  25. Barb

    I'd welcome you with opened arms, Histori! Then you could stay around to see if my donation to Colbert's super PAC makes it to the scroll at the bottom of the screen during his show.

  26. Ken Cuccinelli

    Put the virtual PC on a flash drive and then burn the flash drive…wait you'd probably need a gas mask to do that.

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