REALITY TEEVEE RE-RUNS  4:20 pm August 11, 2011

Liveblogging the GOP Iowa Pajama Sex Party, Tonight!

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

We keep hearing that “Tim Pawlenty” is going to be eliminated on tonight’s episode of Celebrity Apprentice, so we will be tuning into that just to see if we can finally figure out who this character is right before we have to say goodbye to him. That is the decent thing to do, as a politics blog. The GOP debate sexytime begins at 9pm ET on CNN Fox News.

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 123 comments }

nounverb911 August 11, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Do the losers get covered in batter and deep fried?

elviouslyqueer August 11, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Do the losers get covered in battered and deep fried?

Fixed. With a spiked baseball bat and in boiling hot Thai chili oil, respectively. And yes.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Man after my own heart. And probably, every Republican candidate's lights and liver, as well.

Barb August 11, 2011 at 4:29 pm

This sounds so much better than the preseason football I've been waiting months for and cooking all day for.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Rick Perry is going to dress up in something cute and be the cheerleader I heard!

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Sarah too, "My job is to make the fan's root harder!" she screeches seductively.

Crank_Tango August 11, 2011 at 5:10 pm

root canal is all I can think of there tommy

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Canal is a good metaphor for her fetid nether regions. Prolly brings to mind the unforgettable aroma of the slums of Calcutta.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Nothing seductive about that cow.

ttommyunger August 12, 2011 at 8:39 pm

I have many Right-Wing friends, if that's even possible, who think the Sun rises and sets in the crack of her Labia.

Chet Kincaid August 11, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Cooking all day for PRESEASON football?! Are you sure your Man is not oppressing you?

Barb August 11, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Nah, I love it.

OkieDokieDog August 11, 2011 at 4:31 pm

I'll only watch if God is the moderator.

haha! I live out in the sticks aka the rurals, so I don't have that new-fangled cable thing.
DON'T GET ME STARTED! on bitching about the FCC/HD and the DirecTV and the trees. ugh.

nounverb911 August 11, 2011 at 4:33 pm

You want Rick Perry to moderate?

OkieDokieDog August 11, 2011 at 4:38 pm

If Lou Sarah's not busy, she could easily fill in for God.

finallyhappy August 11, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I would watch but I DVRd a really fantastic Shirley Temple movie- Susanna of the Mounties. However, should I hear that the FSM is moderating, then I might postpone watching this classic(and racist) film

emmelemm August 11, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Is it racist against Canadians?

SorosBot August 11, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Ooh let's hope for a nice circular firing squad.

nounverb911 August 11, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Three cheers for the second amendment.

Kidneys4Sale August 11, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Unlikely. I hear that the president is black.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Unfortunately I think the best we can hope for is a circle jerk.

nounverb911 August 11, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Will Bristol be showing off her recipe for deep fried meth?

MLHencken August 11, 2011 at 5:18 pm

No. But Mercede Johnston will be appearing in a swimsuit to tell us what round it is.

horsedreamer_1 August 11, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Kirsten watches, so we don't have to.

Thanks… This makes you a better editor than Steuf.

elviouslyqueer August 11, 2011 at 4:39 pm

FailBlog uploading a group pic of these morons in 3…2…

jus_wonderin August 11, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Darn you. Now I am lost for hours over there. Funny stuff.

Grief_Lessons August 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm

For a drinking game I propose that we do a shot every time one of these clowns uses a word with the letter "e" in it, because I don't know how else this thing will be watchable.

MozakiBlocks August 11, 2011 at 4:44 pm

And tomorrow morning we Wonketteers shall find our livers on the pillow next to us smoking a cigarette and asking if "it was good for you too?"

SayItWithWookies August 11, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Speak for yourself — if I woke up next to my liver I'd chew my arm off to get away without waking it up. I figure after what I've done to it, it probably looks like pulled pork barbecue slathered in cat vomit.

MozakiBlocks August 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Wooks, you certainly have a way with words.

Grief_Lessons August 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Nothing wrong with my liver: (pounds abdomen) hard as a rock!

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Now I'm hungry for pulled pork barbeque. Damn you.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Cold cat vomit.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Oh, that doesn't happen to you *every* morning?

SayItWithWookies August 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm

It's all-hobbits-no-Gandalf night in Iowa — I'd pity the citizens of that state, but they seem to have brought this on themselves.

GhostBuggy August 11, 2011 at 4:57 pm

All-Hobbits-no-Gandalf sounds like either a sex move or a British dish. Or both, I guess.

GOPCrusher August 11, 2011 at 5:37 pm

You obviously have never been to Iowa. Yes, we are that easily entertained.

finallyhappy August 11, 2011 at 5:58 pm

So my plan for my sometime in the future visit to Iowa is to fly in to Moline, drive to Davenport, eat a Machine Shed Cinnamon roll(that should be enough food for my 12 hour visit- right), visit the Putnam(the reason for my required visit) and fly back out of Moline.

AJWjr. August 11, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Hell, I'd go just for the dirt tracks.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm

I refuse to watch FOX out of principle, or at least out of the desire not to destroy the TV that I can't afford to replace, so thanks, Wonkette, for the live blog. Depending on how much alcohol I have in the house, perhaps I will check in…

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Fox News??? They're the ones who tell both sides of the story, right???

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 4:54 pm

There really isn't enough alcohol. I'm sucking it up and live streaming it, although I'm sure the Ailes/Murdoch fucktards will infest my computer. It's a hard choice, but I'm too much of a junkie not to.

Addiction has consequences, and tonight's is that I stream fux news. (No tv.)

Ken Cuccinelli August 11, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Where I work there are TVs in the break rooms. The TVs are always on CNN or Fox News. Never MSNBC.

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm

No Thaddiator in the lineup? Strummin' the red-white-&-blue frets or GTFO!

…oh, you wrote Celebrity Apprentice. I was thinking "America's Gutter Talent." All these race-to-the-bottom competitions look the same..

SexySmurf August 11, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I'd watch but I'm I'm afraid they might accidentally show a gay guy, and then society will crumble or I'll be mildly uncomfortable or something else really bad will happen.

elviouslyqueer August 11, 2011 at 4:58 pm

"Accidentally"? Honey please, you know Sick Rantorum's already part of the lineup, right?

metamarcisf August 11, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Late breaking: Woman Mauled by Chimp disqualified from tonight's debate because as Foxnews Vice-President Michael Clemente said "…each of the polls cited by Woman Mauled by Chimp are either online, interactive or out of date and do not qualify for the purpose of meeting the debate criteria."

imissopus August 11, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I don't understand Fox's problem. She was mauled by the chimp, not gay-marrying it.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I hate that I have to livestream Fux, but I'm popping popcorn for reals. The only way I'll get through this laugh/cry fest is by "live streaming" as it were, my wonkette.

Rock me like a Herman Cain!!!!!!!

BornInATrailer August 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Going to have to open a bottle of wine tonight.

Do you like how I've implied that wasn't going to happen in any event?

GunToting[Redacted] August 11, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Only one? I'm thinking of grabbing one of those bar-sized bag-in-a-box ones…

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 7:51 pm

*A* bottle? I'm impressed…I've got two waiting and cash for the bar down the street if necessary…

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I'd watch it, but I don't want the FOX NEWS mind control subcarrier signal to take my brain over.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 4:57 pm

If they were after people's brains, nobody would watch.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 4:54 pm

God, it is tempting to watch it, but I just know they will be all hating on our Hopey, is he still our Hopey?

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 4:59 pm

He's my Hopey. Not as much change-y as I've wanted, but just when I get OVER IT, he comes out and speaks. Lawdy. If hope starts to flag near Nov. 2012, he just needs to vacation in Hawaii again and go bodysurfing. Those picture's would get me through another four years for reals.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 5:04 pm

He really is gorgeous, isn't he? I was listening to him speaking today and he really is a good man, I don't know how he doesn't just up and beat the snot out of some of those Republicans.

SayItWithWookies August 11, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Oh, completely. And the more Republicans promise to do 2001-08 all over again, the more people are going to be fond of him.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Don't hate me for saying this – I think Obama is incredibly smart – and in this for all the right reasons. I just fear that the job is so insurmountable, it needs a ruthless person and he is not ruthless. I am very worried that this joker from Texas is going to charm his ass into the W.H. Maybe Obama and Hillary could switch places, with Obama coming back in four years when the GOP is all in Gitmo or lying at the bottom of the Bering Sea in crab cages???

nounverb911 August 11, 2011 at 5:39 pm

I was hopeying he got a new backbone for his birthday last week.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Yes, he IS!

hagajim August 11, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Only way I would watch this is if I had a guarantee that Michelle would slap on the ol' strap-on and ride Mittens to the ground while Ricky Perry screamed YEEHAW at the top of his lungs…otherwise – meh.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I'd watch Palin doing that, but not Michelle….

mavenmaven August 11, 2011 at 5:06 pm

With Perry in the game, are we going to lose T-Paw for J-Christ?

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 5:10 pm

No force on Earth could make me watch this flea circus. You shouldn't either, it just encourages them.

GOPCrusher August 11, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Sadly, the most sane statement of the evening will be Ron Paul saying "Vote for me. I have a blimp."

ifthethunderdontgetya August 11, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I'm just going to drink when Wonketteers say to, and not watch.

I guess that's sort of like not taking responsibility, but that's who I am.
~

MLHencken August 11, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I'm with you.

Drinking: HELL YES.

Watching Fox: No.

Swampgas_Man August 11, 2011 at 8:23 pm

It's OK as long as you pay child support.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Oh fine, great, it looks like I'll be all alone here on the fox, drinking, swearing at the tv and watching my p-ness shrink as I comment endlessly, alone. No, no, that's fine. I like being alone, all you better than me folks with other shit to do besides watch abject evil fart at each other on satan's channel. WHATEVER.

Chet Kincaid August 11, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I might stop by. Will there be satan sandwiches for noshing?

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 6:12 pm

I think that is the only appropriate option, good sir. And anything fried, on a stick, with peas and Santorum jelly.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I'll be with you darling, my husband is in LA and my cats can't do the p thing, well they can but not the right kind.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Hooray! The hubs here will be guarding the children downstairs from my hurled objects and epithets upstairs. I can feel the swears already.

Swampgas_Man August 11, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Can our P-ness still shrink? I thought that ended when they did away w/ Downfist.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:42 pm

I upfisted you just to keep you from performance anxiety.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 5:36 pm

You know who I'd like to see join this – either Meg Whitman or Carly Fiorina. Strong women, well educated and well spoken, with experience running businesses (into the ground)

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Oh God no. We Californians have heard enough from both of them to last several lifetimes.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Have you actually heard either of those two dipshits speak? Be careful what you wish for.

johnnyzhivago August 12, 2011 at 10:12 pm

I used to work for Carly, so I know the shrill sound of responsibility being directed elsewhere only too well…

PristinePantalones August 13, 2011 at 12:13 am

You have my deepest sympathies.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Frankly, I'd watch re-runs of Swamp Logging Dumpster Diva Butt Cheek Tatoo Removal before I would watch anything on FOX.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:59 pm

When does that air? (frantically looks for pen and paper to write it down)

x111e7thst August 11, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Non amo te, Pawlenty, nec possum dicere quare: Hoc tantum possum dicere, non amo te.

KeepFnThatChicken August 11, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I hear tell that the chatroom will be open. Cameras optional. Drinking required.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:45 pm

?

cheetojeebus August 11, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Coming upon this on the ol' TV dial will be akin to finding the person before you forgot to flush.

iburl August 11, 2011 at 7:01 pm
AJWjr. August 11, 2011 at 7:43 pm

It's a re-hopening for America!

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 6:00 pm

HUGE.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Yes, indeed…I'm looking forward to (more) Republican infighting:
In an email to his supporters a few weeks ago, Mike Huckabee trashed Perry. "For all his new found commitment to hyper-conservatism, he'll get to explain why he supported pro-abortion, pro-same sex marriage Rudy Giuliani last time," Huckabee wrote. http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/republican-fie

nappyduggs August 11, 2011 at 7:01 pm

I, for one, will be watching whilst stoned out of my gourd and wearing a pair of 3D glasses left over from that last Tron flick. The glasses are for when Rick Santorum busts out his fetusfruit-spread catapult.

smashaduck August 11, 2011 at 7:06 pm

I'll try to watch. But only 'cause my guy finally answered his phone. The bourbon required to make this interesting would kill me twice over. And only on the piece of shit TV in the spare room. Not sacrificing a flat screen to these fuckers.

BlueStateLibel August 11, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Yes, I can't wait to check out America's "Who's the Weirdest of Them All" Republican matchup tonight.

natoslug August 11, 2011 at 8:02 pm

It's either watching this or a threesome for tonight. Decisions, decisions . . .

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 8:09 pm

If the threesome is with a Republican, then I would watch the debate during it.

natoslug August 11, 2011 at 8:37 pm

That would certainly make it safe sex, as there is no chance I'd be getting it up.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Hate fucking, maybe?

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 6:02 pm

I cannot believe that you would have to ponder that for even a minute. Unless, of course, it's a threesome comprising Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, and Tim Pawlenty. Oh. Never mind.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Are the cameras going to pan the audience, and if so, how closely will the people resemble these folks? http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/photos

arihaya August 11, 2011 at 8:13 pm

hahhaha Rick Perry is running, we're doomed !

2012 apocalypse can't come soon enough

Barb August 11, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Beck said that if Obama wins there will be "race riots"
"They are being encouraged…[the Obama administration] will take this country down. If it looks like they are losing, the uber left, they will take it down. If I can't have it, no one will."
He also endorsed Bachmann.
What a twerp he is.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:45 pm

Really….. no low that he will not sink to, is there? And this, of course, is not as bad as some of his other balderdash.

HistoriCat August 11, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Beck's just scared of the human race. This is further proof he is an alien.

Callyson August 11, 2011 at 8:58 pm

Oh Jesus, I just turned FOX on (can't resist this trainwreck after all)…Billo is pushing American Patriot T – shirts. I'm holding out for American Intelligence shirts, myself…

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:02 pm

I know that shortly I'll be too insanely angry to keep watching.

Papa_Uniform August 11, 2011 at 9:02 pm

I think I'd rather go down to the overpass and hope to see a traffic accident.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Wow. Romney knows how jobs are made and jobs are lost. I guess when you close people's companies and fire them like he did, jobs are lost.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Good to see they're all staying away from the applause lines, as asked.

Crank_Tango August 11, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Hmm now I am thinking of either the black hole of calcutta, or love canal. two places I really don't wanna be. So yes.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 5:46 pm

You do realize, don't you, that my main reason for haunting teh Wonketz is to be titillated by you inimitable prose?

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Toxic AND odious. Me likey! Also, if you put both hands in up to the wrist, you'll find it so tight you won't be able to clap.

Barb August 11, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I'd welcome you with opened arms, Histori! Then you could stay around to see if my donation to Colbert's super PAC makes it to the scroll at the bottom of the screen during his show.

jus_wonderin August 11, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I think I saw a SyFy movies of the week with that premise. People just kept disappearing.

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 5:30 pm

That's why Todd wears skis to bed.

Chet Kincaid August 11, 2011 at 5:43 pm

They use moose antlers for that purpose up there, according to Barb.

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 5:47 pm

And ropes, just to be safe.

Ken Cuccinelli August 11, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Put the virtual PC on a flash drive and then burn the flash drive…wait you'd probably need a gas mask to do that.

Fare la Volpe August 11, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Trig is their favorite anchor.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Are you suggesting Trig is an anchor baby?

retard libel.

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Well, we know who provides the wind.

PristinePantalones August 12, 2011 at 8:47 pm

You're a better man than I am, is all I'm gonna say about that. Because I would be so tempted to slap the shit out of the first person who said that to me.

ttommyunger August 12, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Ignorance is not a slapping offense in my book.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: