Rick Perry Is Now God and Mark Halperin Is His Moses

Unlikable jabbering punditurd Mark Halperin got a very important interview with soon-to-be presidential candidate and wingnut imbecile heartthrob Rick Perry. Mark Halperin named this mammoth journalistic achievement, "He Speaks," which is also Jesus-talk for "God said something important." Interesting information! Does Mark Halperin have something to "reveal?" Is Rick Perry God? Does He maybe have some things to share with everyone? Is Mark Halperin the new Moses? And in that case can Mark Halperin nominate himself to be in charge of writing all those things down in his column? "Why does God think God should be the next president of being Rick Perry?" is the first question. Answer: "God loves being Rick Perry's God so much God is now Rick Perry." Oh good answer, now a follow-up! "When did you first learn you were God?" Answer: "George W. Bush said so in a phone call." Interesting, very interesting!

Among the pointless revelations included in this extensive abdication of journalistic purpose is the one that "George W. Bush thinks Rick Perry should run." Mark Halperin might have even asked God or Perry or whoever he thinks he was talking to that day about whether or not anyone on earth should ever want George W. Bush's endorsement for anything, but MEH.

HALPERIN: Have you talked to President W. Bush about what it's like to run?

PERRY: Yeah we had lots of conversations back, generally back when he was the President. I have. I called him … early in this process, when this thing was just kind of popping around. Actually I called him on his birthday, on July the 6th just to wish him a happy birthday. And this was, I guess it was just kind of starting to bubble up around the first of July as I recall, and he said, “You’ll do what’s right.” He said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, “I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that."

Oh well, we deem this *just enough* sloppy weiner licking to make sure that Rick Perry always takes Mark Halperin's late-night campaign news phone sex calls. [ TIME ]