Unlikable jabbering punditurd Mark Halperin got a very important interview with soon-to-be presidential candidate and wingnut imbecile heartthrob Rick Perry. Mark Halperin named this mammoth journalistic achievement, “He Speaks,” which is also Jesus-talk for “God said something important.” Interesting information! Does Mark Halperin have something to “reveal?” Is Rick Perry God? Does He maybe have some things to share with everyone? Is Mark Halperin the new Moses? And in that case can Mark Halperin nominate himself to be in charge of writing all those things down in his column? “Why does God think God should be the next president of being Rick Perry?” is the first question. Answer: “God loves being Rick Perry’s God so much God is now Rick Perry.” Oh good answer, now a follow-up! “When did you first learn you were God?” Answer: “George W. Bush said so in a phone call.” Interesting, very interesting!
Among the pointless revelations included in this extensive abdication of journalistic purpose is the one that “George W. Bush thinks Rick Perry should run.” Mark Halperin might have even asked God or Perry or whoever he thinks he was talking to that day about whether or not anyone on earth should ever want George W. Bush’s endorsement for anything, but MEH.
HALPERIN: Have you talked to President W. Bush about what it’s like to run?
PERRY: Yeah we had lots of conversations back, generally back when he was the President. I have. I called him … early in this process, when this thing was just kind of popping around. Actually I called him on his birthday, on July the 6th just to wish him a happy birthday. And this was, I guess it was just kind of starting to bubble up around the first of July as I recall, and he said, “You’ll do what’s right.” He said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, “I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.”
Oh well, we deem this *just enough* sloppy weiner licking to make sure that Rick Perry always takes Mark Halperin’s late-night campaign news phone sex calls. [TIME]
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“God loves being Rick Perry’s God so much God is now Rick Perry.”
So then why is Texas still burning in hell?
God created Texas as kind of a hell on earth to remind us that we each have a choice….
As Molly Ivins (G-d Rest Her Soul) was fond of saying, "God created Texas to make Mississippi look good."
Because Texas doesn't love Perry enough. Duh!
True story, Mark was born from his dad Mort having a threeway with Kissinger and Nixon. Of course Mort was taking it all DP style. Which explains why he crapped out (Skid) Mark.
Also.
So, is Mark's middle name Pierre?
Only a lie-brul who thinks there is global warming would imply Texas is having record heat this summer. Those "temperatures" measured by Al Gore loving left-wing "thermometers". Facts are biased.
Because God is just a really mean little fuck, yaknow? I mean, he told Michele to run, and then he turned around and told Rick Perry exactly the same thing. Makes you wonder. Whose side is God on, really?
So he tells Rick Perry to run, and now he sets Texas on fire. It's like he's just sayin' "Nyah, nyah, Rick Perry," knowhatimean?
Yes. We absolutely need another a**hole from the only state which rivals Haley Barbour's Mississippi as last in the nation for edumakayshunal acheevemunt as Preznit.
still, this guy worries me more than the other wingnuts out there. parts of US america are just crazy enough to find him the white hatted savior they've been seeking.
my boy thinks he's not ready for primetime. i'm not so sanguine.
So, Rick Perry is just another Bush, burning or not.
Cause he's so hot for the White House; he's a bleedin v-o-l-c-a-n-o.
Nahh…Perry is just an ashhole.
“God loves being Rick Perry’s God so much God is now Rick Perry.”
So how come I keep forgetting the Alamo?
"So how come I keep forgetting the Alamo?"
Because a bunch of slave-owning, White Southern Texans got their asses kicked by Mexicans who recently outlawed slavery?
But, really, the late fees on this rental are getting extraordinary. I need to return it, pronto.
Because, you don't pray to God hard enough.
Have you always been a wizard?!
*imperial
++
Which other politicians thought they were Gods?
Many politicians in Asia think they are reincarnations of Buddha…
Well, technically, *everyone* is a reincarnation of Buddha.
Duchess Annagovia of Borogravia?
Mad King Ludwig II of Bavaria?
Kim Jong Il
Pharaoh?
Oh, I know–"THE ONE," (blessed be His Name) who all Liberals unquestioningly worship?
Jim Jones?
sauron?
Cleopatra?
(Been awhile since I had the chance to trot that one out.)
Val Kilmer?
The fatal error being, he also thought he was a politican..
The Red Skull?
Jebus, of course. Or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, he was playing a political game with the Romans.
Tony Weiner?
Why else would there be a Weiner Republic?
Any of the rulers of the peoples of Mesoamerica before the Spaniards ruined their game. The Bourbons, the Romanovs, pretty much anybody who ruled somewhere in Europe before the Enlightenment ruined their games.
The Japanese Emperor? Or at least he has sex with the Sun Goddess, a harlot demon.
And everybody was steppin', too!
Caligula, along with his sister/mistress.
Moctezuma II?
My cousin Kenny thinks I should run for president. Why does Time not bother to report his thoughts on this matter? Fuckin' lamestream media. [spit!] Elitists just can't handle real America.
You need Mark Halperin's cell phone number, is all. [pa-tui!]
my money's on your cousin kenny.
Strange, he just told me I should run…
Kenny is obviously just another name for GOD! Messin' with people's haids again, tellin' 'em ALL to run. But does he say WHERE?
"When did you first learn you were God?"
I'm glad to hear that there is still plenty of peyote in Texas….
Carlos Casteneda would not approve.
I realize these two hacks are so full of self importance as to not realize that maybe a rightwing, Jesus freak, Governor of Texas running for Presnit, should perhaps not talk about discussions one has recently had with Dubya. About anything. Per wingnut timeline, Obamar was POTUS right after Clinton.
George W. Bush was actually President well before his father, & maybe even before G-Dub is supposed to have been born.
I bet after the phone call Bush had to call Laura into the room so that she could find where he misplaced his bubble wrap that he was halfway done popping.
George W. Bush should wake up when he's seventy, and every other day, thinking, "I wish I had not been responsible for that."
George W. Bush should wake up in jail when he's seventy, and every other day, thinking, "I wish I had not been responsible for that."
You left out a couple of important words. Edited it for ya.
You really think he has enough of a conscience, or even a clear internal meter, that he would be capable of such thoughts? This question is free of any snark. I want to know if you think G.W. Bush is capable of the sentiment that you describe.
He's absolutely not wired that way.
Rick Perry is a sorry sack of shit . Which I guess makes Halprin guilty of coprophagy.
Ha! You said "coprophagy."
If you set it up I'm there.
” He said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, “I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.”
That's the compelling reason for W fucking our foreign and domestic policies for eight years? Couldn't he have wished he tried nude hang gliding or NASCAR driving instead?
NASCAR driving into a bridge abutment would have suited me just fine.
Oh good lord – HERE – HERE was a PRIME opportunity to call an ACTUAL DICK A DICK, and what does Mark Halperin do?
Well, he did something with Rick Perry's dick…
Lick Rick's dick from stem to stern.
This man has memorized the former preznit's birthday. He is clearly the only sentient being qualified to rule the world.
W, Nancy F'in Reagan, Sylvester Stallone and I all share that birth date. Ruins EVERY ONE of those "born on this day…" announcements for me.
I share mine with Nancy Grace if that's any consolation.
I have the same birthday as Uday Hussein. It's offset a little bit by also being the same as Isabella Rossellini and Paul McCartney.
I've got the same birthday as Carrot Top; that's even worse.
I share mine with inauguration day. Some years I drink myself into oblivion, and other years I find myself holding onto the grass tightly so the earth won't spin me into space.
Me too, actually. I had such a sad when I found out.
Well, I just checked the Wiki thingy, and I share my birthday with thousands of people I've never heard of…
Bush drank so much beer he didn't have a date of birth…he had a sell-by date.
If Halperin can't be the new Moses until we set a Bush on fire.
"Garbled Talks!"
Yes! (I'm sure many will not get this reference, but def. great.)
And let it be known that Rick Perry shall part the gulf of Mexico to lead his tribe of wingnuts into the Promised Land of Pennsylvania Avenue
This time, we best leave the academic underachiever in Texas to clear brush and talk to Jeebus.
Why doesn't Halperin ask Perry why those in-bred dumb-ass Bush boys hate his guts?
All of them Katie.
Needs more Charlton Heston.
Which one: the Jewish Prince of Egypt or the NRA president?
The Planet of the Apes one.
I post, you decide.
I'd prefer the one with the cold dead hands.
"[Bush] said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, “I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.”"
Fortunately, Bush has no regrets about anything like that.
that's quite enough poppin and bubblin from the state of texas thank you very much.
One wonders who played the "wife" when this interview was over.
Lets give Perry and Texas back to the Messicans. Sort of as a peace offering but not really.
During secession, President Lincoln thought it was essential to keep the nation intact. I'm not sure if he was worried about European encroachment in a fragmented U.S.A, or just thought it was principle worth fight for.
I think if any of those same states seceded today, no one would lift a finger to stop them. I will wave goodbye and say "Sorry to see you go", while doing the happy dance on the inside.
Lo siento, señor, pero no queremos que este lugar de nuevo después de haber hecho un lío terrible de la misma. Fue en buena forma cuando se lo robó en 1841.
Tell me about the waters of your homeworld, Usul.
May he sleep with the sandworms
"He Speaks" is a pretty deft strategy for cutting into the crucial Koko demographic.
Except that adorable kittens shun Rick Perry.
Why not? His predecessor certainly appealed to another branch of that family.
homo perplexdus?
just kind of popping around….just kind of starting to bubble up
with "pop" of shotguns and "bubble up" reminiscent of crude oil, I'm mesmerized with the colloquial of the Texan native more than about anything else here.
Only if Halperin had donned a 10-gallon hat and tipped it at Perry with a "Howdy, 'tard'ner" could the cross-chemistry between these two have been improved.
Reminds me more of Santorum. ew.
Halperin stopped just short of "I wish I could quit you!"
" this extensive abdication of journalistic purpose"
That's nice.
We believe in one Rick Perry the Father of douche baggery, Maker of bad text books and cowboy hats, and of all things visible and in drout .
And in one Rick Perry, the only-begotten Shit head, begotten of the Father before all worlds, Rick Perry from Rick Perry, prairie fire of prairie fire, Very Rick Perry of Rick Perry, begotten, not elected, being of one substance with the Rick Perry by whom all things were made stupid; who for us men, and for our salvation, came down from Austin, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Dubya, and was made man, and will be crucified politically for us under Obama. He suffered and was buried buy the press, and the third term he rose again according to the Tex-ass stupidly voting, and ascended into the Governers office, and sitteth on the right hand of the Kotch Brothers. And he shall come again with glory to judge both the quick and the dead, whose kingdom shall have no end.
…through Hebediah, his servants. There shall in that time be rumours, of things going astray. Ehm…and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are. And nobody will really know where lieth those little things with a sort of rackey work base, that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers, that their fathers put there only just the night before, 'bout eight o'clock.
If only Spiritual Guide Dubya could adhere to
Hishis own Book of Common Prayer, but with this —"you don’t want to wake up …and go, “I wish I had done that"
he apparently missed the part of the BCP that intones:
"We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts… We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done"
Dubya fitted himself with a custom-sized millstone for his neck with that sage dispensing of advice.
If only he had taken up swimming early in his presidency, rather than mountain biking. That millstone would now be up for a medal of freedom.
Went to the Houston prayer meetin' did ya?
baconz….very, very, veryveryvery good.
It would suck to hit 70 and look back and say "hey I wish I had destroyed the United States"
Rick Perry makes Dubya look like some kind of Stephen Hawking.
Mentally or physically?
This is the worst blow job ever.
Darn it, Manchu!
~
Unlikable jabbering punditurd Mark Halperin got a very important interview with soon-to-be presidential candidate and wingnut imbecile heartthrob Rick Perry.
So "blowjob" and "interview" are synonyms now?
~
That's what my boss told me when I applied for my current job.
From the camera angle on those videos, yes indeedy!
I thought they always *had* been, for the rightwing media. Except, of course, on those notable, rare occasions when they interview a Democrat. Then, all on a sudden, "interview" is synonymous with "assrape."
On a dog training list (seriously), someone said "I'm glad the governor of Texas PRAYS. I hope he throws his big ol' stetson into the presidential ring."
It's hard to fight this kind of stupid, people.
My mother had a friend who was happy happy happy that W. was president because of his presumably regular prayer habits.
Maybe this person thinks Ricky is going to pray away the pooping in the living room?
Note to dog: I think you would find pillows in the master bedroom an excellent place to release all your excretions.
Given his success rate with his pray-to-make-it-rain-in-TX plan, I'm guessing she's about shoulders deep in shit then.
Not high enough.
My debate question: "How does this animal science degree that you BARELY got at Texas A&M going to help you govern us all?"
Oh shit, though, that sets him up for "perfectly for a nation of sheeple".
Also, "Governor, can you explain how you managed to get a "C" in motherfuckin' gym, for chrissakes?
That's the one I really want to hear the answer to. GYM?
As if being a simpleminded fool, praying to solve his state's problems, thinking he's a genius, thinking America is overregulated and overtaxed, wanting our country to be a theocracy, presiding over 235 executions (granted, of mostly guilty people), and wanting to do to this nation what he's done to Texas weren't sufficiently overpowering reasons for immediate disqualification for running anything bigger than a Jiffy Lube franchise, the one revealed in that article takes the cake:
Takes advice from Dubya.
Fuckin' please.
Under President Perry, every elementary school in America will be equipped with a copy of "The Pet Goat" in a glass case — "For President's Eyes Only! If the nation is under attack, break glass and read". Then after reading, our new POTUS can leave every child behind and hide in a bunker.
Unlikable jabbering punditurd Mark Halperin
What a polite way to describe that gibbering fece-flinging goat felching assclown son of a bitch!
I have to admire your restraint.
Omg. extensive abdication of journalistic purpose is the best phrase ever.
Will you marry me, Kirsten?
Fuck this…read my lips: No new Texans.
You sir/madam have won the day. Thank you.
Damn. I was *this close* to getting my comment in first.
I'll share.
Gets my nomination as well.
Unless Molly Ivins or Ann Richards come back from the dead…
I miss Molly. :'-(
SO MUCH.
Isn't is about time for a president from the great state of Texas?
He's got great hair.
And that is enough, sadly.
And that is ALL, sadly.
And he parts it like the parting of the Red Sea.
There is no Hair but Perry and Halperin is His Prophet!
(What, nobody else was going to take the mulsin angle?)
Great. Two more pictures of a Republican presidential hopeful looking like they are being amused by a puppet show being staged over the photographer's head.
The two pictures of Gov Bubblewrap are from the future. The captions are as follows:
1: Bantering with counsel.
2. "Will the Defendant please rise."
Please welcome our next ex-college cheerleader (or yeller?) candidate.
If he thinks he's qualified to be preznit, he's a high yeller.
[Bush] said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, “I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.”
And that's how we ended up in Iraq looking for Al Queda and WMDs!
And that's how we ended up with tax cuts and an AA+ downgrade!
And that's how we ended up torturing people on an extra-territorial military base.
Halperin sounds like some strong, logic-suppressing pharmaceutical.
The anti-aspirin: it gives a headache to the lucid.
More like a pro-psychotic.
It only comes in the form of a suppository.
So, Bush is like some kind of elder statesman now? Good lord.
Horrifying thought, innit?
Somewhere, a pretzel is missing its throat.
Pearls of wisdom (Hah!) from W. "I wish I had tried that," puts the presidency on par with taking a shot at skydiving, or "Dancing With The Stars" or fraternity hunch-punch.
The only kind of pearls that eejit is good for is a pearl necklace. No wisdom. Drunk, dumb, and fulla come.
When Halperin called Obama "kind of a dick" on MSNBC, he meant "jerk." When he says Richard is "kind of a dick" it is a biology lesson.
"He Speaks" Now please shut the FU.
P.S, Perry digs dudes (at least Google thinks so)
Bush "said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, 'I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.'”
So, we went to war with Iraq for the same reason that Bush used to do body shots on spring break?
There was no real change from his activity in college to that when he was president. College: Body shots. President: Dead body shots.
Actual quote from Perry, from Time:
I think it was General Sheridan who said, “If I owned Hell and Texas, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.”
Good idea, Rick…go for it, dude!
The correct quote is "You may got to Hell, and I will go to Texas." It was stated by Davy Crockett, who was killed during the Battle of the Alamo.
Your quote confirms why Perry got a D in U.S. History from TAMU.
I do believe I passed by Mark Halperin and his smug face yesterday in front of the White House. It took a lot of self control to not steer my Bikeshare bike directly into him. It's that smugness. It kills me.
you should've told him he was "kind of a dick" as you rode past.
Know why there's no water in Texas? Its been turned into a familiar Republican whine.
If you chose to read it, the Texas Observer has an excellent article on Rick Perry, the New Apostolic Reformation, and why Rick believes God has spoken to him:
http://www.texasobserver.org/cover-story/rick-per...
And this guy lives about 6 miles from me. Scary shit.
Thanks for the link, disturbing. All over the world "needs more God" seems to be gaining ground.
In the interview, Perry states that he is a "pro-business governor and will be a pro-business president." That's right, everyone loves business. Especially when they're advocating for a nice, safe, unregulated workplace. Or relocating all the jerbs to China.
He said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, “I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.”
This could also be said about taking a vacation to Europe, sleeping with another dude, or experimenting with narcotics.
but he's done all of those…
And I b'leev he did.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *pauses to gasp for breath and wipe tears from eyes* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Also, Rick, while you might have "recognized all the diversity of thought," you actively went out of your way to squelch any "diversity" that didn't include white Anglo-Saxon Christians, and also execute all those pesky "urban" folks. GAH. Just shut up, you pedantic fuckhole.
"very urban" and "very, very, cosmopolitan" my ass. Just because you have skyscrapers doesn't make your cosmopolitan and/or urban. You can be in the middle of Houston, and feel like your in some sleepy-assed giant suburb.
Perry's response when asked about his endorsement of Rudy Giuliani and whether that meshed with his conservative credentials:
Well, you know, I stand on my record. I thought Mayor Giuliani did a wonderful job of managing a city. He was very strong militarily.
Because if there's one thing we all recognize and admire about New York City, it's its wonderful military. Which is a part of Rick Perry's record, which he stands on. Jesus Christ on a biscuit, I'll bet if Perry's maid didn't put his plate in the exact same spot every meal he would starve to death.
Can you imagine the fit the rest of the country would have if New York City had its own navy, & dispatched it to decimate its rivals (say, L.A., Houston, & New Orleans, among ports, & Boston, Philadelphia, & Miami among sporting or financial rivals)?
I think the Knicks run that idea by the mayor once a week.
"Are we on the seven-second delay? I thought he was kind of a Rick yesterday."
I want to report a misprint: "early in this process, when this thing was just kind of popping around." should be: "early in this process, when this thing was just kind of pooping around."
So we've got a pro-business governor of Texas with a C-minus college transcript running for president. Go ahead, America. You do that. You deserve it.
Treat yourself!
Aaah, the Dumbing of America continues apace.
I know I've said this before, but Perry just leaves me incredulous.
George R. P. Bush
Game of Clones.
It's sort of appropriate that Halperin's initials are MEH.
He definitely gives ME the "mehz."
He said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, “I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.”
Well that's just great – running for President because you're having a mid-life crisis.
At least in California these pricks just buy Porsches and leave their wives for 19 year old aspiring actresses.
Rick Perry can't find a good-looking 19-year-old who'll have him, apparently.
I'm sure you guys saw this shit on Maddow last night:
http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2011/...
Glad to see that (P)Rick Ferry is now God! Thus endeth the world.
"He said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, “I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.”"
I think they were talking about buttsecks.
Perry/Bachman 2012 (my excuse to retire to Costa Rica, but will that be far enough?) Maybe another hemisphere would be safer, or another planet.)
but i thought god talked to Moses through a burning bush. so, this time, the Bush, who was not burning, talked to god who relayed the message to Moses. so who is in charge here? is this in the King James version?
Write in PARRY with an A for asshole.
"He said you don’t want to wake up when you’re 70 and go, 'I wish I had tried that. I wish I had done that.'"
Walnut's ears are burning!
Well, I hope out of the deepest respect for Mark Halperin that Rick Perry had the common courtesy to shave his balls first.
"Well, I called the shittiest president in history, and he said, 'Fuck it, why not? Can't do worse than I did, right? Heheheheh!'"
So old GW Bush ran for president because it was something to try? A bucket list, no regrets thing? And he tried and failed….
another Texas governor in charge, yup, how did the last one work out?
"…just kind of popping around….just kind of starting to bubble up…" Sounds kind of frothy. Maybe Santorum was there on the other line, or giving a reacharound. Would that be a dick too, Mark? Just checking with the expert.
Only when I'm throwing things.
Know the difference between God and Rick Perry? God doesn't walk down the street thinking he's Rick Perry.
"He speaks" sounds more like a line from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein than the Bible, if you ask me.
This is exactly a good reason to run for president. Forget about thinking you have something to offer the American people. No, it's just about your own ego, your needs, your wants. You see, running for president if a personal plaything for the rich. Why do you run for president? Because you can.
Honestly, "Texas governor" should be an automatic disqualifier.
For God so loved America, that he sent his many elected Republican governors, election cylce after election cycle…
So long as you don't have the same plastic surgeon, you'll probably be okay.
Just checked mine again, seems I also share with Weird Al Yankovic, so I gotta think we're at least tied for that.
Oh, and are we doing this by actual birth or just same date in different years (I've been going by actual birth)?
Just day. If we go by actual date, the only famous person I share is the funny and gorgeous Rashida Jones; much better than Carrot Top.
Don't you be dissin' the Al. I cutchoo, mang.
Same date, different years. Otherwise I have to give up my sole claim to fame — sharing birfdai wiv Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Seeing the trailer for My Idiot Brother makes me all tingly. Rashida makes a wonderfully glammishly butchy lesbian.
So, I can also claim Johnny Carson and Megs (aka Juggs) McCain. Sigh.
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