who will get the lead role?It was a foregone conclusion that a) Hollywood was going to make one of these pro-endless war propaganda films about the bin Laden raid; b) the movie will have some nice things to say about Barack Obama; c) some Republican somewhere would complain about this. Enter GOP Rep. Peter King, who is freaked out because he heard that the White House is shipping Xerox copies of all its national security secrets to Hollywood, to make sure the filmmakers can make the story as accurate as possible because that’s what Hollywood always does. What’s your source for that shocking reportage, Rep. King? Oh, Maureen Dowd? Yes, Maureen Dowd. Here is another sentence from that same column that is scaring Peter King: “Barack Obama blazed like Luke Skywalker in 2008, but he never learned to channel the Force. And now the Tea Party has run off with his light saber.” Is it possible that this information is mostly a product of Maureen Dowd’s latest fever dream breakup with her sissy on-and-off again boyfriend, Barack Obama?

Here is the rest of the column paraphrased: Barry is a wimp, Barry is a professor, Barry is not a man like FDR was, Barry is an amputee Luke Skywalker. Thanks for those enlightening policy points, MoDowd. Oh and and and, she forgot, Barry did not even invite her to the Navy Seals prom, but the moviemakers got to go! And then he gave them handfuls of military secrets as party favors, is what Maureen Dowd heard about all of this party she did not get to attend:

The moviemakers are getting top-level access to the most classified mission in history from an administration that has tried to throw more people in jail for leaking classified information than the Bush administration.

It was clear that the White House had outsourced the job of manning up the president’s image to Hollywood when Boal got welcomed to the upper echelons of the White House and the Pentagon and showed up recently — to the surprise of some military officers — at a C.I.A. ceremony celebrating the hero Seals.

Yes, because “top-level access” to information in Maureen Dowd’s universe is the color of socks that Navy Seals might have been wearing or the kind of cheese on the sandwiches they ate earlier in the day before the raid. Oh well, Peter King doesn’t like any of this one bit. Here is the NYTimes‘ breathless follow-up coverage of the idiot scandal Maureen Dowd started, for boredom:

In his letter, sent Tuesday, Mr. King asked Gordon S. Heddell, the Defense Department inspector general, and David Buckley, the C.I.A. inspector general, for an investigation and classified briefing on any discussions Mr. Obama or other White House officials had with the military and C.I.A. about assisting the filmmakers. He asked whether the filmmakers’ reported attendance at a C.I.A. ceremony honoring the Seal commandos in the raid had compromised special operations officers’ identities or methods.

The White House spokesman, Jay Carney, called Mr. King’s suggestion that security was being compromised for political reasons “ridiculous” and said the White House had not divulged any classified information to the filmmakers. Administration officials were providing them with the same information about the Bin Laden raid that they have given to all the news media, he said.

Whatever, give Maureen Dowd a Pulitzer. [NYTimes]

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  • Pragmatist2

    The Republicans won't be happy unless the person who shoots Bin Laden pulls off a ski mask and turns out to be Sarah Palin.

  • Barb

    “Barack Obama blazed like Luke Skywalker in 2008"
    And then he met with Dark Orange Sith. The Empire crumbled.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, she's like the new Deep Throat or something.

    • horsedreamer_1

      That's what she Aaron Sorkin said!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      An image I really didn't need.

  • jaytingle

    You mean give her another Pulitzer. This time Roxanne.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    King proves again that Staten Island is NYC's very own Mississippi.

    He'd be investigating the disappearance of Obama's top secret light sabre, if anyone other than the teabaggers had swiped it.

  • Come here a minute

    I thought the MoDo was extinct. Thank you, paywall!

    • Really! I'm not sure who told her a sentence is the same as a paragraph, but her work is unreadable.

  • Respitetini

    Ahahaha. Peter King, that's what you get for reading the Post and paying the smart kids to read the Times for you.

  • freakishlywrong

    MoDo needs to get laid. That is all.

    • Respitetini

      Or at least buy herself a couple cases of batteries.

    • Crank_Tango

      1-2-3…not it!

    • PristinePantalones

      Sump'n turrbl. And although I am always happy to volunteer for the laying of Teh Pretty Laydeez, I suspect that gal's sour enough that she'd curdle me where I stand. Isn't there anyone out there who's man enough to give MoDo the rogering she needs?

  • Radiotherapy®

    And to think we couldn't have done this movie without the enhanced interrogation and rendition of the Bush/Cheney era.

  • They'll never give the Nearer anything.

    Of course, GOPers never freaked out about this faked Hollywood moment:

    • freakishlywrong

      That needs a NSFW. (Not Safe for Wonkateers). Jesus.

      • memzilla

        Seriously. That is not my idea of a stimulus package.

        • Radiotherapy®

          It's just Bush.

          • memzilla

            That's like the doctor saying "It's just leprosy."

          • Radiotherapy®

            No, I meant, "down there."

          • PristinePantalones

            Well, there's leprosy, and then there's Anthrax Leprosy Mu, yaknow?

          • ShaveTheWhales

            Truly, an illuminating comment.

          • PristinePantalones

            In a Robert Anton Wilson sorta way.

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        definitely NSFW. Is this the same picture Chris Matthews faps to every night?

      • PristinePantalones

        Hear, hear. And here, HERE, too, if you get my drift.

    • Rotundo_

      Can anyone fathom the shit they would have given Obambi had he the balls and stupid to pull off a stunt like that? The righties would have literally shit their pants live on the tee vee watching that one play out. I can hear the sophisticated commentary now: "Goes to show ya what happens when a (insert vile slur/epithet here) shows up after the fightin' is done to claim credit". Limbaugh would just have become a shit volcano, Hannity too. Mind you, Rush Sean already are shit volcanos, but this would have been literal.

      • GOPCrusher

        I disagree with your assessment of Rush Limbaugh. To become a shit volcano implies that he's not normally one.

        • PristinePantalones

          I was all "Uh-huh," and agreeing with Rotundo totally, like, totally, and then I had to read your comment. I am ashamed, sir, ASHAMED!!!

          You have caught me red-mittened in the folly of giving Rush Limbaugh credit for not having been a shit volcano at some unknown time. Which we all know is simply not possible. (Slinks off, miserably.)

  • memzilla

    "Whatever, give Maureen Dowd a Pulitzer. "

    I can hear the scary organ music now, just like it was a Vincent Price horror movie, and MoDo is the breathless heroine skulking through the castle, looking for the secret crypt that hides the Necronomicon.

    Give Maureen Dowd a Wurlitzer.

    • LesBontemps

      She needs to get her hands on an organ of some sort..

      • PristinePantalones

        Preferably something live, with that *bounce* and *give.*

  • arihaya

    Barack Obama blazed like Luke Skywalker

    I'm rather afraid that Barry is more like our Anakin Skywalker

    • genxr

      We can at least be thankful, Jar Jar Bush doesn't have a speaking part in this prequel.

      • GregComlish

        Palin doesn't qualify?

        "meesa read all of newspapers. meesa daughter meth boyfriend impregnate. Bristol sheesa 'spread eagle' very patriotic like meesa. meesa Todd get wasilla sucky suck from massage hooker. Obamasa pallin roundsa with terroristsa."

  • Lucidamente1

    It's kind of sweet actually, Maureen Dowd being relevant.

    • PristinePantalones

      Haven't read her since the NYT went all paywalley. Must send them a thank-you card.

  • horsedreamer_1

    I was really hoping it was a typo, this Boal, & that Uwe Bol is actually going to direct Assault on Abbottabad: Don't Worry, Osama, You're Only Bleeding.

  • baconzgood

    Freedom of information act:

    Baconz just wants to say (redacted) about (redacted) and that I'm sick and tired (redacted) (redacted) of (redacted). There are things about (redacted) and how (redacted)'s friends and cozy (redacted) partners run the government. Now, seriously read this part because I found this out by mistake and it scares the shit out of me….

    (redacted) of (redacted) (redacted) (redacted) (redacted) and (redacted), (redacted)(redacted) (redacted) (redacted) (redacted), (redacted) (redacted) the (redacted) (redacted) (redacted)!!!!!!! Can you believe that (redacted) calls themselves patriots?!?! They are in bed with (redacted) and (redacted) People!!!! Wake the fuck up!!!

    (this post is 100% snark free)

  • SorosBot

    Hey, I had a conversation with a random drunk old lady last night; should Congress launch an investigation based on her wild speculations too?

    Oh that's right, Dowd works for the Times so her ramblings are somehow more relevant than other drunk old ladies'.

    • LesBontemps

      How dare you insult The Lady Pegginton Noonington!

      • SorosBot

        I miss Jim's regular Noonington reviews.

        • HobbesEvilTwin

          Yes, those always made my Fridays.

    • Trannysurprise

      That was me, or perhaps Peggy Noonan.

    • You're on wonkette and girls talk to you!?! Tell us your secret oh Great One.

      • SorosBot

        Since it never gets beyond just talk, I don't think you'd want my secrets.

  • I'm fine with this as long as Samuel L. Jackson plays Barry…

    • elviouslyqueer

      "I am sick of these MOTHERFUCKING morons in this MOTHERFUCKING Congress."

    • Respitetini

      Or the guy who played Urkel. Whatever.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Richard Dreyfuss would be a perfect Osama.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I was thinking Denzel.

    • user-of-owls

      Guys, cmon…it's staring you in the face. They ONLY one who could play Barry to full effect is Yaphet Kotto.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Um, a little on the heavy side, isn't he?

    • flamingpdog

      Given the con job he pulled on America, I was thinking zombie Tim Moore.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Will Smith has the ears and the swagger. Don't know if he really has any game, though.

      Shemar Moore (intense angry dude on Criminal Minds) would be perfect if we were really trying to buff up the President.

      Could go with Dennis Hayesburt for sentimental reasons, but then you'd be all but obliged to cast Keifer Sutherland as the head of the Seal Team, and no one wants that.

      Maybe Dule Hill – after all, he spent several years as close to Martin Sheen's idealized center left President as anyone. And he can sing, if you want to go musical.

      • Neilist_Returns

        Negropolis is appalled — as am I — by the Blatant Racism evidenced by the fact that all of your choices to play Hopey are black.

        Shame, sir! SHAME!

        • Negropolis

          Keep my name out of your mouth, because now you're just trolling. Thank you.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Is this the King who is an insane "The Muslins want to gay-Sharia marry me to a camel" King? I have a hard time telling these idiots apart.

    • SorosBot

      That's Steven King (no relation to the author). Peter King is the one who actually has given money to terrorists, and bragged about it.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Right… The old “how can the IRA be considered terrerists? They're WHITE!!!” argument.

    • freakishlywrong

      Yes. And the other one is actually Krazier. I KNOW. Hard to believe, right?

    • FakaktaSouth

      There are two Kings hating on Muslims right now. The Peter King did an Anti-Muslim-Radicalization hearing where he wouldn't let the one Muslim member of Congress speak. Steve King is also insane, and hates everyone. I think that's kinda what the Rs behind their names mean, something like "R-eally hates Muslims, Poors, Gays, Any skin color, Womens, Healthcare, Healthy Food, the Environment, Education, Creativity…"
      I'm sorry, what?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        OK, so there are two Steve Kings: One writes horror, the other is a horror.

        And two Peter Kings: Both of them spout nonsensical opinions when stuck in front of a television camera. If you get the sense the guy's not merely an idiot, but an actual ball of hateful shit, it's probably the GOPtard politician.

  • metamarcisf

    I can't stand Peter King. It's gotten to the point where I've given up reading his "Monday Morning Quarterback" column because he is so completely full of shit.

    • CapeClod

      And whenever he's on TV I keep asking myself "Why are they asking Norm from "Cheers" his opinion on football?"

    • FNMA

      I haven't read him in a while. Has he quit fellating Brett Favre yet?

      • metamarcisf

        His family staged an intervention to stop him from shooting up Starbucks intraveneously.

        • horsedreamer_1

          He's since moved on to microbrews.

  • Here is the rest of the column paraphrased: Barry is a wimp, Barry is a professor, Barry is not a man like FDR was, Barry is an amputee Luke Skywalker.

    Same column MoDo has written forever, with "Barry" the latest Democrat not fulfilling MoDo's dreams.

    It'll be interesting to see how she words her standard "Take me, you hairy brute!" piece about the Republican nominee when it turns out to be One-L Michele.

    • FlyOverGirl

      Or Rick Perry.

    • GOPCrusher

      Isn't that what Marcus Bachmann says to Michele?

    • PristinePantalones

      It's getting fairly clear that the Reps won't allow ladyparts in the race. The ultimate nominee will be Mittens or Gov. Goodhair.

    • Negropolis

      Back during the primaries, everything she wrote was just about how tired and horrrible Hillary was. MoDo is a gadfly.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Peter King should go back to funding Irish terrorists. Or be the drunk mayor of Sheboygan. Or marry Elmo. Anything but Congress.

  • mavenmaven

    Between Dowd and Douthat, the Times has really gone downhill.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      …and Bob Herbert's retirement.

    • And there's the Mustache of Understanding, and David Brooks, and…

    • SorosBot

      They've still got Krugman, and um… uh… well at least they're better than the Washington Post.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Seriously. The only reason I signed up for any part of their mailing list is that Ezra Klein makes me tingle in my nerd parts.

      • PristinePantalones

        Well, yes, but the WahPoo is now kinda like the Washington TIMES, yaknow?

        I don't understand why the Times, which was once so worth reading, has decided to hang in the back of the classroom with these no-neck dimtwaddlers. Surely even they can come up with one or two writers of the caliber of Krugman?

    • arihaya


      wait until Murdoch bought them

    • Callyson

      There is still the underrated Gail Collins, or did she leave too?

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        book leave.
        I think I miss Rich the most, but Bruni's column was pretty good today.

    • V572 Coif of Destiny

      Nocera's good, especially now that they moved him out of the business-page ghetto.

    • PristinePantalones

      Douchethat all by himself was enough to send them hurtling over the precipice. Does that guy get nauseated just thinking about ladybits, or am I imagining it?

  • hollywooddood

    Ship national security secrets to Hollywood, get big campaign donations. Obviously.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wait, did I miss the memo about this being Batshit Insanity Day on Wonkette? Fuck this, I'm going to go watch cute dog videos until my eyes fall out.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I'm normally not a dog person, but OHMYGODIWANTTHATPUPPYRIGHTNOWOHMYGOD

    • FakaktaSouth

      Don't go away! The hubs and I have spent a few days now using your "needs more defenestration" technique and I gotta say, it works! We shoulda started throwing people and things out of windows YEARS ago! Thanks EQ!

    • Callyson

      Jesus, what an industrious creature! All my dog does is beg for food and make me chase him around.
      Well, that and give me enough love to make living on the same planet as wingnuts like Peter King bearable…

      • Yeah, he's great and all.
        However, is he a champion butt-licker?
        MY dogs are! (When they aren't napping.)

        • nonbeliever7

          Ummmm….whose butt?

        • Callyson

          Oh, he's also a champ in that area, but at least he does not want or need my participation…
          …and as I type this, his puppy dog eyes are begging for food…

    • AJWjr.
  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Tapping on the gravestone and asking "Elvis, are you in there?" (to obviously hear no reply) does not constitute a lead in your "Is Elvis Alive?" storyline.

    • Callyson

      It does for one network…
      FOX News: We Report, You Decide

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Star Wars metaphors? Really?

    For fucks sake, when is everyone going to grow up and wear cloth underwear?

    (Isn't this all just a little more like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?)

    • Sue4466

      Or at least update the references to Harry Potter.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      yes, the 1970s are where MoDum gets most of her cultural references because that was the last time she wasn't looking at the world through a vicodin haze.

  • Shoot. I guess I'll have to wait for the film version to wrap before "You Say 'Obama,' and I Say 'Osama' " — The Musical gets underway.

  • DaSandman

    Another sad example of what end stage syphilis does to the human mind.

  • not that Dewey
    • GOPCrusher

      How did you do that without a reference to Valerie Plame?

      • not that Dewey

        "I didn't know her name. I didn't leak her name." So said Karl Rove of Valerie Wilson/Plame last year on CNN.

  • neiltheblaze

    Maureen Dowd has never been worth reading. She's a two-dimensional , silly, Junior High mean chick. Nothing more. I'd say she sucks, but that would make her useful.

  • Republicans are just bummed that "My Pet Goat: The Movie" was such a flop.

  • hagajim

    National security secrets to Hollywood…that's OK, as long as he isn't giving them to Mordor.

  • widestanceroman

    Introducing Peter King as 'Trigg Flintstone' a new film from Big Retard Studios.

  • MissusBarry

    Is this an either/or proposition? MoDo writes fiction or movies out of Hollywood in the "based on a true story" genre is spot on and based on eyes-only classified materials. I can't quite wrap my head around it.

  • Michelle Bachmann looks more like Maureen Dowd's type anyway.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Ever notice Peter King, when you can get him in a "good" photo, has the same eyes as Michelle Bachmann, that glazed & feverish thing that makes the blue seem like it's lit from within by an eternal fundamentalist flame? Twins of different mothers, I tell you.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Maureen: "I feel a terrible shift in the force deep within"

    Luke: "Aw Jeezus, Maureen, its just gas. Somebody open a window!"

    And then Jabba the Hut ate Maureen's spleen.

  • LesBontemps

    MoDo's next column: Obama Meets With Space Alien, Bat Boy.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    What's the difference between the wit and wisdom of MoDo and the wit and wisdom of Jar Jar Binks?

    I couldn't think of any either.

  • Ken Cuccinelli

    I'm gonna guess that if Barry says the filmmakers get to know X, then everyone else better find a way for the filmmakers to be able to have X piece of information.

    And I'm also gonna guess that a lot of shit that was top-secret before the raid isn't exactly so sensitive anymore. Especially the kind of shit one might need to know to make a Hollywood movie.

  • CapeClod

    It's Hollywood, so I'm betting that Captain America is going to be part of Seal Team Six with Iron Man covering their extraction.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      But who wll play Ahnolt as "Gonad the Barbarian?"

    • Steverino247

      Don't forget they will all be martial arts experts in slow motion for the Chinese market.

      Oh, and who's the hot young actress that will twist her ankle and have a boob flop out for a quick cameo performance?

      • HobbesEvilTwin

        that's probably the part MoDum is hoping for.

        of course, minus the young and hot.

  • x111e7thst

    Clearly Ms Dowd is still all fucked up by that night when they did not let her into Studio 54. PTSD sure comes in some remarkable flavors.

  • orygoon

    Peter King and MoDo would make an awesomely cute couple.

  • Guppy06

    MoDo's desire to fondle Barry's lightsaber aside (it's just so big compared to those hobbits!), has anybody checked in on nonpardon-pardoned hero Scooter Libby lately?

  • ttommyunger

    Modo needs a high hard one, King would settle to have his get hard again( like it did in his teens at summer camp in the Catskills with his Counselor, Mr. Jellyneck). Methinks she has a particular one in mind, and would prefer to have it in her mouth, and its owner's initials are B. O. Jungle Fever hangs heavy in the air over D.C.

    • PristinePantalones

      No shit. And I thought it was just me, but is it that obvious? Sump'n about Barry's buns sure does set all these white people in a tizzy fantasizing on his man-meat. MoDo sounds like she's all in heat over there.

      • ttommyunger

        Hell hath no fury like a white bitch scorned.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    MoDo and Dame Peggy Noonington are two of the most overrated, WAY TOO highly paid old cougars on the DC circuit. Both need to get drunk, laid & STFU!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Won't it be depressing, in another twenty years, when Ana Marie Cox is just another Beltway Cougar, sharing Cosmopolitans at three pm with a still-breathing Sally Quinn?

      People get old, they get conservative stubborn, always trying to cheat on their decades(s)-older wealthy husbands death.

    • PristinePantalones

      Too late to get drunk, hon. They've *been* drunk since their glory days a few decades ago.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Was Bush ever compared to any movie characters? I mean, besides Forrest Gump?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Couldn't the filmmakers just wait till the information was available on that wiki-leeky thingy?

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    The President's Carny: “I would hope that as we face the continued threat from terrorism, the House Committee on Homeland Security would have more important topics to discuss than a movie.”

    Kettle!, Pot, Line 2.

  • Peter King is to governance what Maureen Dowd is to journalism which is what George Lucas is to jaw-defining, chinstrap beards – a sad joke.

  • DemonicRage

    This is the same Peter King from the Rochester region of New York? or some upstate, totally jobless region who recently held Congressional Hearings on the subject of the perceived link between International Terrorism and one of the big religions of the world? What a sage this man is! Believe everything that he says!

    • Limeylizzie

      Long Island, but yes .

  • SayItWithWookies

    Peter King also wants to know if the elves that make those delicious crackers in that tree are the product of cloning or stem cell research. And don't look that way at him — he knows someone knows the truth, and he's not stopping until he finds out.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Does Peter King really think this is the first time the Department of Defense has worked closely with a movie or tv studio to make sure the US Military looks great on the screen?

  • Tundra Grifter

    This item scares me.

    I remember what happened when George Bush read the New York Times articles written by Judith Miller.

  • bflrtsplk

    I hear they're looking at Charlie Sheen to play the trigger man in the movie, since Ah-nold is too old for the Hasta La Vista part and John Wayne and Charleton Heston were already awaiting Osama's arrival in the astral plain.

  • runforfun54

    Perhaps Cong. King should stop wasting our federal tax dollars chasing windmills and call for Ethics investigation into deadbeat dad Cong. Joe Walsh. Wasn't Cong. King the one leading the charge against Cong. Weiner?

  • Cicada

    Peter King also believes that there are Muslim boogeymen who want to corrupt the minds Christian children to destroy America. So, yeah. As impossible as it seems, King taking MoDo's latest regurgitation as proof that Obama is giving away military secrets is a step up in reason for him.

  • fuflans

    Barack Obama blazed like Luke Skywalker in 2008, but he never learned to channel the Force. And now the Tea Party has run waddled off with his light saber.


  • fuflans

    also, this is what we're worrying about today?

  • DashboardBuddha

    I think I'll file this under "Who the fuck cares?"

    • proudgrampa

      It does seem like a tempest in a teapot.

  • MoDo does not need to give Barry the "Al Gore" treatment.

    (BTW, MoDo, how did that work out?)

    • orygoon

      "(BTW, MoDo, how did that work out?)"

      It earned her my undying scorn and hatred. Bitch should have crawled under a rock after W. "won" and never been heard from again.

  • user-of-owls

    "Though in retrospect, all the signs were there in plain sight (e.g., napkins v. paper towels, beer v. water, a wimpy scholar President who was not FDR but was an amputee version of a fictional movie character, etc.), accounts from those times indicate that no one fully grasped the speed and terrible scope of what we now call The Metaphor Holocaust of 2011."

  • smitallica

    I'd like to go back in time to find that editor at a college newspaper or whatever who first told Maureen Dowd she was funny and insightful and punch him in the chops.

  • Not_So_Much

    Peter King should know better than to go out without his helmet. (No, not just his hair)

  • glamourdammerung

    Given King's history of palling around with terrorists from the IRA, why is this moron not in Gitmo?

  • BZ1

    just the latest in King's long list of inanities….

  • PristinePantalones

    I'd like to give her something that starts with a "P," but it ain't no Pulitzer. Although it *is* a Prize. Bend over, MoDo. You got it coming, girl.

  • Negropolis

    Peter King, IRA. I have nothing else to say. Every time he opens his mouth about terrorism, that is all that needs to be said. I'm so fucking sick of this toad.

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