SARAH PALIN & HER LOVE OF MONEY  10:40 pm August 10, 2011

Sarah Palin Resurrects Bus Tour For Fried Butter, Other Surprises

by Blair Burke

i thought you'd miss me!Oh hooray, it’s Snowbilly Grifter Grandma and her bus tour, rolling across the ruins of the American Dream once more. What was this bus tour called, again? The Trail of Tears? Probably something like that, and we were close to believing that Sarah Palin had really decided to snowshoe her way back to the wilderness and forget about the whole thing, to bask in the glory of her family’s endless procreation. Really, though, she was just “reloading” before her big drive back to Iowa, where maybe she will give another speech or interview about how she is not running for President. She is doing this down the street from the Ames straw poll, because when Sarah Palin does not get invited to terrible parties, she holds her own even more terrible parties just down the street, except with more Freedom and screeching.

Big surprise, Sarah Palin has returned from Alaska for some reason, and we are thinking the reason is probably “for attention she does not deserve.”

In an email to supporters Wednesday, Palin said she’s accepted an invitation “to meet folks at the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines this week.”

Palin doesn’t say which day she plans to appear at the fair, which coincides with the straw poll but is a separate event about half an hour away. An Iowa GOP activist who is close to Palin, Becky Beach, told the Des Moines Register the visit was slated for Friday.

Palin writes that the trip marks the latest installment in her “One Nation” bus tour. She spent a week in late May touring East Coast historical sites on the last leg of the bus tour.

She’s been in Alaska since then, except for a high-profile trip to Pella, Iowa, in June, when she attended the local premiere of a documentary about her political rise.

It makes sense that she would perform at a State Fair, because isn’t that where livestock compete in beauty contests and women with facial hair play the Guess My Weight game? It is probably a Holy Land for members of the Sarah Palin fan club, the stuff of dreams, perhaps.

Palin has an active organization of volunteer supporters in Iowa who believe she’s going to seek the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. While there will be a write-in option on the straw poll ballot, Palin’s supporters aren’t mounting a campaign for write-in votes like Perry’s supporters are.

Naturally, Palin’s email about the trip to the fair includes a dig at President Obama. She writes, “I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried Twinkies, etc. I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”

Ah, the old “fried butter-on-a-stick forever!” platform. Sarah Palin is basically already president, for her commitment to diabetes. [Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 251 comments }

memzilla August 10, 2011 at 10:48 pm

**sigh** If only we had Intern Riley to kick around anymore, we could have dispatched him to report on this (***YEEEEE*awn***) momentous event, instanter. Now we have to rely on someone being gullible enough to put the trip on their own card until Ken gets around to (lol) reimbursing them from teh massive Wonkette site profitz (dubl LOLZ).

Radiotherapy® August 10, 2011 at 11:25 pm

As an austerity measure, the wonkette überlords have decided to abandon the seven year tradition of having an "intern." Plus, they're all busy looting in the UK now..

bureaucrap August 10, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Sarah Palin, like brigadoon, rises out of the mist any time it looks like someone else might be getting more attention than her.

berkeleyfarm August 10, 2011 at 10:58 pm

This is basically it.

Mind you, the "upstaging people's events" seems to have worked out for her so far.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I wonder why none of these great big wussies is saying a single word in complaint? Why don't they just confront this shrill freeloader and point out her violation of the 11th Commandment For Republicans? Too scared?

berkeleyfarm August 12, 2011 at 12:23 am

Could be a combo of things. I'm leaning towards "letting her make a complete fool of herself" and "someone has the long knives ready to come out".

Texan_Bulldog August 10, 2011 at 11:24 pm

More like that hand that comes out of the water at the end of Deliverance…

berkeleyfarm August 10, 2011 at 11:38 pm

For what it's worth, the above is my nomination for "Comment of the Day".

BaldarTFlagass August 11, 2011 at 7:53 am

Kinda like my dog the attention whore. Every time I'd go to pet the other dog, he'd horn in and push her out of the way, "Pet ME, pet ME, give me all that attention, never mind her."

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:06 am

I can totally appreciate this comment, although my dogs make more sense when they fart than Sarah Palin in all her glory. Also, too, I don't like the occassional living room accident, but I imagine their shit is easier to clean up than this she monster.

FannyBurney August 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I think of her more as Godzilla rising from Tokyo Harbor.

vodkamuppet August 10, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Goddamned peas, all fancy like and not on a stick.

Maman August 10, 2011 at 11:21 pm

You could put peas on a stick… it would have to be more like a really long needle though.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 10, 2011 at 11:29 pm

You'd still have to deep-fry them in lard to make them palatable.

neiltheblaze August 11, 2011 at 12:15 am

Though, if you cook them in bacon grease, I'm sure she'd find that nutritionally acceptable.

vodkamuppet August 11, 2011 at 12:45 am

Just explain to me how you stuff a pea with cheese-wiz and I'll consider it truly American cuisine. Until then, suck it pinko.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 11, 2011 at 8:06 am

Here you go:
cheese-stuffed peas

Replace the intellectual liberal elite mascarpone with Real American™ Cheez-Wiz, and you're ready to deep-fry the suckers. (Add bacon-bitz for the ultimate edition.)

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Man after my own disease-infested, plaque-laden heart.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Why is it that fried butter on a stick makes me think of Last Tango in Paris.

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 10:39 pm

"You could put peas on a stick… it would have to be more like a really long needle though."

If the women in that family had that little of a gag reflex, they probably wouldn't be pooping out stupidly-named babbies every eight or nine months.

MLHencken August 11, 2011 at 10:44 am

I like peas. That is all.

deanbooth August 11, 2011 at 11:03 am

In the Palin clan, "peas on a stick" is code for a pregnancy test.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Or deep-fried.

savethispatient August 11, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I eat peas with honey,
I've done so all my life,
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife*.

*stick?

DerrickWildcat August 10, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Yay, free food!

BarackMyWorld August 10, 2011 at 10:50 pm

What was this bus tour called, again? The Trail of Tears?

I like the title "The Attention Whore Tour" because (a) it rhymes, and (b) it's true.

Crank_Tango August 10, 2011 at 11:02 pm

the palin pus-bus?

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 12:23 am

The Warped Tour.

horsedreamer_1 August 11, 2011 at 8:32 am

With a Todd & Track appearance as Blink (& she's pregnant, again) performing the 1997 classic [First] Dude Ranch.

Fare la Volpe August 11, 2011 at 12:44 am

The Little Hooker That Could

flamingpdog August 11, 2011 at 2:45 am

The Greyhound of the Buskersvilles.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 4:13 am

Triumph of the Pills?

Rosa Parks II: Electric Bugaloo?

I'm genuinely a bit surprised (and very little surprises me about Sarah) that she hasn't yet compared herself to Rosa Park. I mean, that's right in her wheelhouse.

AJWjr. August 11, 2011 at 10:38 am

She would, if Rosa Park was white also.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 11, 2011 at 8:11 am

The Bus to Nowhere (taking the long way around, since Sarah is against the bridge.)

NorthStarSpanx August 11, 2011 at 9:29 am

I think she can rightly take Lady Gaga's affectionate nickname for her fans and re-appropriate it for what's involved with her One Nation Divided bus tour.

"Little Monsters" goes well with her Little Shop of Horrors. Have at it Sarah, you steal everything and anything that's been put in front of her over the years anyway.

MiniMencken August 10, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Yup. If'n yew want to ketch yoursel' a Librul, jus' open a can of peas and leave 'em on your front porch. When the Librul comes to take a pea, you kin shoot 'em with your Galil 7.62 mm. assault rifle. Heh, heh, heh!

neiltheblaze August 11, 2011 at 12:16 am

Unless the raccoons get to them first.

genxr August 11, 2011 at 9:46 am

Damn welfare raccoons.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Then you shoot the dayum raccoons. Win-win.

Neilist_Returns August 11, 2011 at 1:12 am

::::A-HEM::::

Although nowadays you CAN get the Galil chambered in 7.62mm x 51mm NATO, the rifle initially was designed around, and chambered for, the 5.56mm x 45mm round, i.e., the same, smaller round used in the US M16 series (nowadays referred to as the M4).

The reason being that the M16 didn't work very reliably in desert conditions, because of the dust; direct gas system; the inability of the weaker round to cycle the action when the rifle was fouled with sand, dust,etc. (The M4 STILL doesn't work reliably, or all, under such conditions.)

The IDF realized that they were going to have to use US-supplied 5.56mm ammo if they were going to continue to get the American taxpayer to fund Israel's particular brand of religious and ethnic bigotry. So they came up with Galil, which basically grafts an AK-type pushrod piston system onto an M16-type receiver (the lower part of the rifle).

Years later, Our Current Friends, The Germans, did pretty much the same thing via the H&K 416. But because the 416 is German, you have to pay about three times as much per unit for it.

The point is that, when you're trying for comedic effect, don't "muddy the waters" by adding in details that, while technically not impossible, may cause the Discerning Reader to do a "double take" at the wrong part of your story. I am sure that most of the other Wonkies reading your "riff" reacted the same way I did.

Oh, and in this context, you don't have to put a period after "mm" — unless it is at the end of the sentence, and one of the remaining six stops in the English language is not required. The Discerning Reader will realize that you are referring to "millimeter."

Neilist
Wonkette Guns 'N Grammar Desk
Located In That Abandoned Chicken Coop/Refurbished Meth Lab In The Back Yard of Ken Layne's Baronial Estate in RANCHO CUCAMUNGA, California.

P.S. Well, perhaps everyone except Negropolis. He'll probably assume you were referring to M&M candies. And then accuse you of "racism" because you didn't mention the "brown and yellow ones" . . . .

P.P.S. And what the heck is wrong with peas? At least they are green, and thus aren't a bunch of lazy, shiftless, foreign thieves like those brown and yellow M&Ms . . . .

starfanglednut August 11, 2011 at 8:10 am

Umm, well, the chamber is that thingy the bullets go into, right?

Boojum_Reborn August 11, 2011 at 8:20 am

mm is Soshalizm. Use inches, like God did.

Chet Kincaid August 11, 2011 at 9:47 am

You can also bait a Neilist by sittin' on the porch talkin' about assault rifles!

Neilist_Returns August 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Or a Chet Kincaid within a big pile 'o Food Stamps?

[Am I dating myself? Do "Those People" still make/use Food Stamps?]

Chet Kincaid August 11, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Oh, I'm all butthurt! I have only said gentle, teasing things about you, except when you were factually dead wrong and had to issue a once-in-a-lifetime apology to me!

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 10:44 pm

"If'n yew want to ketch yoursel' a Librul, jus' open a can of peas and leave 'em on your front porch. When the Librul comes to take a pea"

Hehe, you said, "Take a pea".

x111e7thst August 10, 2011 at 10:52 pm

I'm sure that the sight of St.Sarah stuffing her face with fried food while gabbling her usual incoherent drivel and spraying crumbs in a wide arc will prove deeply energizing to the base.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 11, 2011 at 8:14 am

The sight would deeply energize my pharyngeal reflex.

NorthStarSpanx August 11, 2011 at 9:31 am

Well, eating these iconic Fair foods with a knife and fork is going to rather dispel the authentic-ness of the moment, won't it?

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Do the Palins know how to use dining utensils? Somehow I had envisioned them in these outdoor cook-offs, tearing their meat off the bone with their teeth.

Gleem_McShineys August 11, 2011 at 1:52 pm

No wonder Levi had to use so many wine coolers!

widget2011 August 10, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Well, Well, she ought to get a peanut butter & Santorum jelly sandwich while she's there, I hear they are delicious.

Mahousu August 10, 2011 at 10:55 pm

So it sounds like she's going to steal every bit of T-Paw's thunder. All 2 decibels of it.

Plus, she'll probably take his corn dog, too.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 12:24 am

And his milkshake. Also.

Whatever August 11, 2011 at 1:27 am

Here's an image for you…

Will she deep-throat it?

horsedreamer_1 August 11, 2011 at 8:33 am

That's for the San Fernando follow-up to The Undefeated, titled The Undepleted Libido.

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 10:47 pm

"Will she deep-throat it? "

Hell, if the women in that family could deep-throat *anything*, they'd…
Oh, wait, I kinda said that already.
Never mind.

Indiepalin August 11, 2011 at 7:57 am

That corndog belongs to Marcus Bachmann

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:47 pm

And poke him in the eye.

mavenmaven August 10, 2011 at 10:58 pm

"I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”" Get it? Hahaha This lady's making fun of Michelle Obama! Now just who is she again?

berkeleyfarm August 10, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Barry was the one who said "eat our peas". But Sarah's taken plenty of cheap shots at FLOTUS.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 11, 2011 at 8:16 am

When the Great White Grifter takes cheap shots, it means she's getting her ammo at Sam's Club. I hope the Secret Service is paying close attention to this situation.

NorthStarSpanx August 11, 2011 at 9:42 am

What massively powerful pea farmer in this country is going to pull a Cortés and pour hot, molten steamed peas down that snarky throat?

genxr August 11, 2011 at 9:49 am

She's making cheap shots at your mother. At all of our mothers! This time, she goes too far.

berkeleyfarm August 12, 2011 at 12:28 am

Sarah only regards her kids as props, or in the case of her daughters, competition, so that makes sense.

And, hey, Michelle Obama is hawt (etc. etc.). "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Sarah's just jealous.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:48 pm

She's *still* pissed about losing that beauty pageant title and crown to the sole black woman living in AK.

berkeleyfarm August 12, 2011 at 12:29 am

If I could go back on the wayback machine, I'd at least try to get her elected Prom Queen.

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

"Haw haw! We're ignorant, and we eat a lot of crap! THAT oughtta teach you liberals a lesson! Kuh-hyuk!"

Nothingisamiss August 10, 2011 at 10:58 pm

I hope the lamestream media realizes this is just a family vacation and doesn't follow her or anything.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 11, 2011 at 8:22 am

Following Her Griftiness has become a bit like following drunken Hollywood pop tarts around town: the only goal is to be there when she says or does something stupid.

She's one of those particularly dimwitted B-list celebs who can be relied upon for a steady stream of material. I'm surprised there aren't tabloid reporters stuck to the side of her bus like remoras.

rocktonsam August 10, 2011 at 10:59 pm

that new griftbaby can't make granny grifter no bucks sitting at home.

To the BUS .family, mama needs some lovin

FlyOverGirl August 11, 2011 at 9:37 am

Looooooooooooook aaaaaaaaaaaaaat meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DerrickWildcat August 10, 2011 at 10:59 pm

On the, "Number 1 Movie in America!" tour.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 12:30 am

Wait, she was in Harry Potter?

horsedreamer_1 August 11, 2011 at 8:34 am

You didn't really think that was Helena Bonham Carter, did you?

genxr August 11, 2011 at 9:50 am

You can put lipstick on an ape, but it's still just a talking ape.

DoktorThompson August 10, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Like a case of genital herpes, she's never truly gone, just in remission for a few weeks.

donner_froh August 10, 2011 at 11:00 pm

I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”

Calling her childish would be an insult to children everywhere.

Crank_Tango August 10, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Please do eat every fucking stick of fried butter you can find, you fraud. I fucking dare you.

And when the butter is dripping down your leg like so much santorum, be sure to use a napkin, not a paper towel. Although a paper towel would be better. Fuckit, use your hand like a real american.

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Cholesterol is socialist. Deep fried cholesterol is Merikan.

Fare la Volpe August 11, 2011 at 12:43 am

Hey, Sarah. I hear they go down easier when you shove 'em in 6 at a time.

DoktorThompson August 10, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Butter-on-a-stick goes in. Nonsense comes out. You can't explain that.

GuanoFaucet August 10, 2011 at 11:04 pm

She’s been in Alaska since then, except for a high-profile trip to Pella, Iowa, in June, when she attended the local premiere of a documentary about her political rise.

Palin must have been lonely watching the movie all by herself in an empty theater.

BarackMyWorld August 10, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Her ego needed a few rows to itself.

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 10:57 pm

"she attended the local premiere of a documentary about her political rise.

Palin must have been lonely watching the movie all by herself in an empty theater."

I have a feeling that she was so riveted on the screen that she didn't even realize that the rest of the theater was empty.

tessiee August 12, 2011 at 9:31 am

"she attended the local premiere of a documentary about her political rise"

Triumph of the Shrill?

OutsideAgitator August 10, 2011 at 11:05 pm

What a cunning stunt by a …..

HempDogbane August 10, 2011 at 11:06 pm

A late entry in the Biggest Bore contest.

Frost/Nixon/Robocop August 10, 2011 at 11:10 pm

I figured the Palins would love peas, seeing as they are full of pea-ness. Savoring the pea-ness in their mouth is a favorite activity. In fact, there's nowhere on their bodies that the Palins don't love to feel pea-ness. So satisfying for the whole Palin family!

bagofmice August 10, 2011 at 11:29 pm

As a wonketteer with at least 128 p-ness, you know of what you speak.

pinkocommi August 10, 2011 at 11:13 pm

She has crazy eyes!!! Oh wait… that's the other rightwing nutjob lady politician with too many children. It is so hard to keep track.

not that Dewey August 10, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Don't worry. Crazy eyes and children are fungible commodities.

GOPCrusher August 11, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Michele needs to strike while the iron is hot. After Bible Spice announces that she was told by God to lead the Crusaders in taking back America from the Muslim Usurper, Michele will be dropped like a used condom.

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 11:18 pm

But how does this effect Sarah Pa….. Oh, never mind.

Whatever August 11, 2011 at 1:31 am

NO NO, this could be an important ques…
Ah hell, your right skip it.

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Will Bristol be judging the "Homemade Meth Making Contest"?

berkeleyfarm August 10, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Lately, that looks like it's more up Sarah's alley.

Bristol looks like she's been hitting the deep-fried butter pretty hard.

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 11:02 pm

No, but there *will* be a "who wants to have sex with Bristle?" competition.
Winner gets to have sex with Bristle.
Then everybody else who competed gets to have sex with Bristle.

Trannysurprise August 10, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Fried Twinkies? Like at the White Party NYC?

bureaucrap August 11, 2011 at 9:25 am

Now that takes me back…

NorthStarSpanx August 11, 2011 at 9:44 am

They are going to their idea of a White Party, only with real Americans.

Texan_Bulldog August 10, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Well, she had to be in AK to welcome her 6-month premature grandbaby & all that jury duty, you know.

Gotta admit I like how she is willing to run anyone over with her bus. Can't have any of those pesky Republicans getting more attention than her now, can she? Maybe her & Michelle can have a Bump-it face off.

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Does this mean that Sarah finished her jury duty?

Arken August 10, 2011 at 11:24 pm

As a big fat guy, can I just say that I'm appalled at the concept of deep fried butter? And I'll happily eat Pringles.

berkeleyfarm August 10, 2011 at 11:33 pm

I love butter but "deep fried" sounds really gross.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm

It is.

vodkamuppet August 11, 2011 at 1:05 am

Speaking as a sous chef, I honestly have no idea how one would go about deep-frying butter. I suppose you could freeze the butter and batter it in some drakes to keep it from melting into the fryer grease but it still begs the question, "why the fuck would I do that?"

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:10 am

Liberal elitist. Using French (sous) and asking questions.

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 12:23 pm

That's right. Conservatives don't ask questions.

When GOPTV, I mean Fox says jump, conservatives ask how high???

BarackMyWorld August 10, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Speaking of peas, this is kind of also my reaction to listening to Palin.

FakaktaSouth August 10, 2011 at 11:57 pm

That was the most dignified way I have ever heard someone say he would go down on a guy if he could prove he was right about the dreadful nature of frozen pea copy. Unreal smooth there. The Palin and Orson are polar opposites on the vocal register pleasantness scale.

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2011 at 12:09 am

I'm not comparing Palin to Welles, I'm comparing her to the frozen pea copy.

FakaktaSouth August 11, 2011 at 8:30 am

Yeah, that's what I figured when he started yelling "Unsatisfying!"

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:32 am

I did love that. Must remember! An Orson Welles, in disdain during outtakes for a frozen pea commercial, speaking about blow jobs, is more dignified and comprehensible than Lou Sarah in all her speechifyin'.l

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Actually, I suspect one reason Obama won so thumpingly in 2008 was the contrast between his mellifluous speaking voice and Sarah's harpy screech.

fuflans August 11, 2011 at 2:01 am

god DAMN i have been looking for that transcript since mid 93 when my bff gave me a tape and then i got divorced and lost it.

god DAMN.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:30 am

I have just spent an extrememly pleasant few minutes revisting the life and works of Orson Welles. I am now back to my regularly scheduled snark, but thank you!

Radiotherapy® August 10, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Do you think she'll autograph my copy of the September Playboy?

imissopus August 10, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Fried butter on a stick. Is there anything we Americans can't do?

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 12:32 am

Apparently, everything else. But, as long as we can do fried butter-on-a-stick, there is very little else to worry about. USA! USA!

Crank_Tango August 11, 2011 at 12:58 am

chin-ups?

imissopus August 11, 2011 at 1:54 am

See our toes?

Boojum_Reborn August 11, 2011 at 8:31 am

Look under our fupa?

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Starve to death?

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Elect a Democrat who can govern?

not that Dewey August 10, 2011 at 11:38 pm

A Syrian prison would be preferable to a "Freedom and Screeching" party.

DerrickWildcat August 10, 2011 at 11:48 pm

You can bet that if she comes to my Fried Gristle stand I'm gonna charge her full price!

flamingpdog August 10, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Sarah want fried butter-on-a-stick? How about a fried stick-up-her-butt?

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Butter would probably help with that, also too.

smokefilleddoommate August 10, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Goddamn, she's like a political fucking gnat!!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 12:34 am

Well, save for the fact that gnats are only midly annoying. This woman is a fullblown swarm of horseflies, because like horseflies, this bitch draws blood.

ManchuCandidate August 10, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Bliz blah shiz blah. The real reason is that Mama Grizz needs a new pair of Manolo Blahniks.

smokefilleddoommate August 10, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Or gold-encrusted bendy straws.

NorthStarSpanx August 11, 2011 at 9:48 am

Her taste is not that exquisite. All her OPM goes into commercial quality abodes with very few intimate touches (Todd truly doesn't know how Sarah got "pregnant" with Trig) that's where her bling resides.

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 12:28 pm

"The real reason is that Mama Grizz needs a new pair of Manolo Blahniks."

And the weird thing about women and shoes is that they only like shoes that are new?

I'd rather walk around barefoot than in new shoes…

berkeleyfarm August 12, 2011 at 12:30 am

New grandbaby on the payroll!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 12:00 am

Why didn't Newsweek use that photo of Palin for their cover? Tina Brown, make it happen.

For the love of God, why won't she just go away, already? This woman haunts America more than any ghost ever could. Can we give Alaska back to Russia so we can contain her, up there? Either that or freeze her in a block of ice for a few hundred years, or…forever, maybe?

I love how on John King a few hours ago some pundit made the analogy that she's like the cool kid that comes back to high school events like the prom after she's graduated and everyone just wants her to go away. lol

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 11:20 pm

"Either that or freeze her in a block of ice for a few hundred years, or…forever, maybe?"

It worked for the Blob in the original movie, so it's probably worth a try.

El Pinche August 11, 2011 at 12:08 am

When Palin's tits explode in a shower of tepid human gristle when she's 60 because of lifetime of hogging shards of fried meat , I will quietly say cheers and raise my glass to the man-ray sky.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:34 am

Lord, the picture in my mind….give me back my morning, El Pinche!

El Pinche August 11, 2011 at 10:18 am

good lord, did i write that? ……..Yager.

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 12:30 pm

"When Palin's tits explode in a shower of tepid human gristle when she's 60"

This sounds like a very economical way to enjoy the 4th of July without all those expensive and dangerous fireworks…

WhatTheHeck August 11, 2011 at 12:10 am

I have a reasonable sense of humor.
I would like to see this woman as president and her whole klan holed up in the White House.
I would dearly look forward to her daily briefings and her ‘State of the Union’ speeches.
Then I would calmly walk onto a golf course during a Thunderstorm and hold my 3-Iron as high up as I could.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 11, 2011 at 12:29 am

My 3-Iron is one of my best clubs.
~

bebecca2298 August 11, 2011 at 9:13 am

How about this instead, a sitcom called "Rednecks in the White House"?

kissawookiee August 11, 2011 at 10:49 am

Make sure you don't accidentally grab your 1-Iron out of the bag. Because not even God can hit a 1-Iron.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 12:21 am

I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”

Really, what a passive-aggressive and bitchy comment. She's the ultimate Mean Girl.

Barrelhse August 11, 2011 at 7:23 am

Or, as some would have it, Dismal Fucking Cunt.

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 12:31 pm

"I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”"

America: The Place Where Stupid People are Free to Make Stupid Choices

neiltheblaze August 11, 2011 at 12:23 am

See? All this time I thought a "fried twinky" was a smooth chested, meth addled gay-bar disco boi. Instead, it's Tundrabilly Health Food.

weejee August 11, 2011 at 12:26 am

Sweet Jebus. I was in Wahsillysauce, Alaska today and what do we see as a vanity plate while at a stop light on Main Street? COLTER. Not sure if it was the can't spell or a 6-letter/digit limit on Alaskan vanity caused dropping the U. I'll send a photo we shot of the plate and weejee leading a Y-M-C-A cheer at the Wasilla Chamber Pot offices to our Wonkette editor masters.

gurukalehuru August 11, 2011 at 12:36 am

Colter? I barely knew 'er

Mumbletypeg August 11, 2011 at 12:46 am

Could've been a fan of Jessie Colter, the late Waylon Jennings' widow who herself had a few country-pop hits. Just sayin'…

weejee August 11, 2011 at 12:56 am

That's surely possible. Ann other possibility, would be John Colter, a member of the Lewis & Clark Party. But my guess is that the skinny of the vanity plate is that it was at teatardly embrase of that tumor on the body politic, Ann.

horsedreamer_1 August 11, 2011 at 8:36 am

Always been more a fan of his son, Shooter Surveyor Jennings, myself.

Texan_Bulldog August 11, 2011 at 8:41 am

WTH are you doing in Wasilla? Get thee out of there lest you become a meth-addict, pregnant, or worst of all, all that stupid is contagious!

weejee August 11, 2011 at 10:10 am

We had to stop for a drive-by mooning.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 8:53 am

What on earth are you doing up there, baby? Get out now, for the love of God!

weejee August 11, 2011 at 10:11 am

We survived & are back in Anchorage to inspect another bridge.

Fare la Volpe August 11, 2011 at 12:29 am

"I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”

Good God is she a cunt.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 8:55 am

She is so fucking nasty and mean-spirited , I can put up with her foul politics, but I despise people with no generosity of spirit.

Chet Kincaid August 11, 2011 at 10:36 am

I think she is too dumb to even understand her purported politics, unlike a Bachmann who is smart enough to insanely believe in them.

Chillwaver August 11, 2011 at 9:49 am

Luckily she is an aging, increasingly irrelevant, soon-to-be-broke cunt.

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 12:32 pm

"Good God is she a cunt."

Mmmm….deep fried cunt.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Hot buttered cunt.

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm

With real imitation butter!

GOPCrusher August 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Only in America could someone try to use as an insult, a statement of eating a healthy food.

tessiee August 11, 2011 at 11:33 pm

It's not the food itself that's the problem, it's that somebody is trying to *make* them eat it… You know… forcing a big, black socialistmuslin zucchini down the virginal white throats of Real Amurricans.

fitley August 11, 2011 at 12:32 am

Maybe the media will skip Ames and just cover Granny Grifter. Do you think she'll bring her new grandbastard with?

GOPCrusher August 11, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Between Bible Spice showing up to the Iowa State Fair on Friday and the rumor that Rick Perry will announce his intention to run for President on Saturday in South Carolina, I think the media has already forgotten about the Ames Straw Poll.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 12:35 am

Seriously what do you people have against Palin, other than being a whining, fraudulant, petulant, hillbilly grifter publicity whore?

weejee August 11, 2011 at 12:43 am

This evening our bar tender was a woman born and raised in Wasilla, and the most gentle descriptive she could come up with regarding Sarah was "she's a total flake." Although she did not use the term grifter, our bar tendress was quite clear the Sarah was only in it for the money and is something that rhymes with runt.

ShaveTheWhales August 11, 2011 at 3:25 am

A cunning runt, no doubt.

LesBontemps August 11, 2011 at 9:03 am

Well, she did play basketball.

horsedreamer_1 August 11, 2011 at 9:38 am

That's why she's put a full-court press on her uterus. Force of habit.

Chet Kincaid August 11, 2011 at 10:38 am

You should inquire as to the possibility of doing some official Wonkette reports on your sojourn in Alaska.

johnnyzhivago August 11, 2011 at 12:37 am

Palin vs. Bachmann S-T-A-R-I-N-G contest. First one who's head explodes wins.

fuflans August 11, 2011 at 2:04 am

actually no matter who's head esplodes, we win.

Nothingisamiss August 11, 2011 at 8:39 am

We'd all have to look away, though, and review the footage later, otherwise OUR heads might asplode. The dim, high pitched screech, emanating as if out of nowhere, not seemingly from the staring women themselves, would, also, too, haunt our memories and wake me screaming in the night for years to come.

And then I'd remember that heads asploded and I'd know things were ok.

gurukalehuru August 11, 2011 at 12:51 am

Peas are elitist

not that Dewey August 11, 2011 at 8:49 am

I like peas.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes them taste real funny
But it keeps them on the knife.

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm

"Visualize Whirled Peas"

Guppy06 August 11, 2011 at 12:57 am

Here's a name suggestion: Bus Libel.

BZ1 August 11, 2011 at 1:02 am

and the article is written by Molly Ball, seriously, you can't make this stuff up…

Barrelhse August 11, 2011 at 7:27 am

Her husband is Harry.

OneYieldRegular August 11, 2011 at 1:04 am

May I simply condone, for the very first time, and with great enthusiasm, one of Sarah Palin's vows? Please, please, for the sake of the nation, madam, go right ahead and eat all the fried ___ on a stick that Iowa has to offer.

Pragmatist2 August 11, 2011 at 1:12 am

If she has a Q&A ask her this:
"Sarah, how's the new grandbaby? Have the proud parents had time to open their wedding presents yet?"

BklynIlluminati August 11, 2011 at 1:24 am

Will Charlotte the spider spin webs with words in them so that she can get she can get the blue ribbon I mean nomination?

berkeleyfarm August 12, 2011 at 12:30 am

"Some Bitch"

SudsMcKenzie August 11, 2011 at 1:28 am

Babble On By Bus

Barrelhse August 11, 2011 at 7:28 am

Red Red Whine

bagofmice August 11, 2011 at 8:26 am

I hear what you did there.

fartknocker August 11, 2011 at 2:31 am

I am currently enjoying a blow job and some Jack Daniels. I hate this interruption to my life.

Fucking tundra twat needs to twitter, get some knee pads, and show Rick Perry how blow jobs are done down here in Texas. I heard he is gay – but I don't believe it's true. I think he's a goat fucker. But I can't confirm it.

Limeylizzie August 11, 2011 at 8:56 am

Good for you! I used to get so much sexual action when I lived in Austin, it was a wonderful time in my life.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Ask David Souter. Erick Erickson says *he* knows.

zappadoo76 August 11, 2011 at 5:08 am

Our snowbilly goddess doesn't want to be preznit. She wants to keep being famous. Her current lifestyle depends on it. So she has to do all sorts of crazy assed things to keep everyone's attention. She got ours, didn't she?

bebecca2298 August 11, 2011 at 9:16 am

Does famous translate for her into rich? Good dog, how much money can she spend in Alaska?

ndisang67 August 11, 2011 at 3:27 pm

"Her current lifestyle depends on it""

mean her income?

Come here a minute August 11, 2011 at 5:49 am

She's returned to the lower 48 for the just-released Sarah Palin film's early-DVD-release tour.

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 6:52 am

“I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick…" She says… She'll also be up for some raw Perry-on-a-stick, if he can manage to get it up for an actual vagina. He prolly can't, but they'll fer sure hook-up figuratively and "nail" down their political "strategery" for 2012. These Star-Crossed Lovers are meant for today's 'Merika. I've been predicting this for two years, both here and in the twittersphere.

AJWjr. August 11, 2011 at 11:03 am

They share a religious ideology, that 7 mountains shit that's gonna be the end of us all…

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 11:16 am

Fortunately for me, I'm in the last chapter of my life. I fear for the young.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm

You're a cruel, cruel man.

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Thank you, thank you very much.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Dammit, you always know when I'm trying to compliment you, no matter how I phrase myself. ;-)

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 5:03 pm

It's just that, unlike me, I know you are not a cruel man.

FlownOver August 11, 2011 at 7:23 am

If she's really jonesing that bad for something fried, may I suggest today's special – a helping of delicately seasoned penile appendage of Rattus rattus, marinated in strychnine, artisanally santorum-coated and individually immersed in boiling turd oil?

Barrelhse August 11, 2011 at 7:31 am

Say, ya got any more of those?

FannyBurney August 11, 2011 at 7:40 am

Is there any important Iowa historical she can screw up? Like, oh, I don't know, The Midnight Ride of John Wayne?

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 7:57 am

I don't know about Iowa, but she could say something like…

The Battle of Sarah's Toga.

The Pilgrims came over on the El Camino.

Ben Franklin rang the Liberty Bell to warn Philadelphia that the Haitians were coming to take their bare arms and such.

HobbesEvilTwin August 11, 2011 at 7:52 am

grifter's gotta grift.

baconzgood August 11, 2011 at 8:08 am

I saw Huey Lewis at a state fair once…..Is she going to do I Wanna New Drug?

DahBoner August 11, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I saw Dr. John at a state fair once. I was in the right place, but it musta been the wrong time…

baconzgood August 11, 2011 at 8:10 am

I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried Twinkies, and of course the world famous fried defibrillator on a stick.

horsedreamer_1 August 11, 2011 at 9:40 am

My State Fair — the one with the "rampaging darknesses" — has fried beer on a stick.

Mine wins.

SpurningBeer August 11, 2011 at 8:21 am

Hey Sarah, this is your dad. I want to see you eat every carrot and pea on your plate. Do you hear me, young lady?

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 8:25 am

Have you seen her dad? I'm convinced that young Sarah ran her house, just like the nominally adult Sarah does.

KenLayIsAlive August 11, 2011 at 9:29 am

Dear sir,

You should have cut and run, or as it is better known, "pulled out". Please keep this in mind during all future sexytime.

Thank you,

America

freakishlywrong August 11, 2011 at 8:30 am

Koch blocker. The real candidates much hate this bitch.

timbo71351 August 11, 2011 at 9:50 am

Exactly. I'm waiting for one of them to come out and blast her. Of course, they don't want to upset the cult of teatards that hang on her every word.
Side note: God, it must suck horse dicks to live in Iowa and have all these horrible, horrible people constantly running around your state. I would dread the idea of seeing Snowbilly Snooki while making a beer run, or bumping into Santorum in a coffee shop.

BlueStateLibel August 11, 2011 at 8:34 am

Not snarky, but Saruh is that type of woman who you'd have to put a gun to her head in order for her to eat fatso food. She'd take one bite of the heifer food and then "forget about it" and leave it somewhere, or "accidentally" drop it. At the same time, she will encourage other women to "eat up," and if they lose weight, tell them they're "getting too skinny."

snoopyfan2010 August 11, 2011 at 8:36 am

Naturally, Palin’s email about the trip to the fair includes a dig at President Obama. She writes, “I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried Twinkies, etc. I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”

Yes, please do that, and then have a heart attack. Oh yeah, Obama is a twinkie.

horsedreamer_1 August 11, 2011 at 8:39 am

Ray Kinsella knew if he held a State Fair Clueless Lou Sarah would come.

I also expect Ray Liotta finally to get an Oscar for his portrayal. It's like To Wong Foo… meets Bang the Drum Slowly — I call it Eight Men Out of the Closet.

mereoblivion August 11, 2011 at 9:28 am

We might be able to work Priscilla, Queen of the Desert in there too, what with the bus and all. Except Priscilla is actually going somewhere, sort of.

finallyhappy August 11, 2011 at 8:51 am

Here is my story for Track and Brita and the baby- Brita was pregnant and wanted an abortion. Snowbilly required a marriage and a live birth- she promised Brita that in a year, she could have a well paid divorce and Track(and whoever takes care of all the Palin kids) would take custody. So if I am right in one year, I expect my Wonkette prize

johnnymeatworth August 11, 2011 at 9:27 am

The Tragical Misery Tour is dying to take you away….

genxr August 11, 2011 at 9:29 am

Release the Kraken!

loki_monster August 11, 2011 at 9:29 am

I got no snark on this one. I simply mourn for my beloved Iowa State Fair, because it's the goddamned best.

Redhead August 11, 2011 at 9:41 am

“I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried Twinkies, etc. I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”

Well, that actually does lend some credibility to the idea that she might not notice two pregnancies in her own home… they're just getting fat from eating fried butter!

GorzoTheMighty August 11, 2011 at 9:42 am

She needs more flag flair on her jacket. also. The look on her face-did she just receive the "shocker" ? en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shocker

Poindexter718 August 11, 2011 at 9:49 am

This woman is a giant turd in the Republican's punchbowl. The aspirants in their freakshow of a primary must be hating Sometime Gov. Palin right now. I wonder if she realizes that she's helping Barry get reelected?
Probably.

Gorillionaire August 11, 2011 at 10:06 am

It will be great when she rides into the event on a steer a la Mongo in "Blazing Saddles."

abelilnkinverb August 11, 2011 at 10:24 am

The Palin goofy "who me" is totally out. The Bachmann crazy eyes are whats in.

weejee August 11, 2011 at 10:54 am

Egg-zactly. Thirty years ago when I was last in Wasilla it was a pleasant rural town that was quite proud of the new drinking water tank/system they had installed. Plenty of charm and down-home restaurants. Now it is a collection of strip malls and anus fast food joints to serve the faux rurals who commute to the fleshpot that is Anchorage. Not surprising phoney Sarah from now phony Wasilla.

StarsUponThars August 11, 2011 at 11:36 am

We're all so goddam fat and unhealthy that doctors have invented a new word for it: diabesity. It wouldn't be socialism to eat some fucking peas once in a while.

An_Outhouse August 11, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Does $arah have an address where we can send her gifts of deep fat fried sugar and cholesterol? I'm totally into her eating deep fried shit three times a day, every day. Should I send it to AZ or AK?

succalina August 11, 2011 at 12:23 pm

"Becky Beach" is a porn name.

owhatever August 11, 2011 at 1:27 pm

I gots to love the Grifter Granny. She's the undisputed queen of the demolition derby that is the Republican Party. I'm coming, she calls, and the crowds respond, "Us, too." Batshit Bachmann could be elected president and Griz would still steal the thunder. Go, girl! She is as irrelevant, and just as smart, as the birdshit on the bus window…but, lordy, she is fun to watch.

GOPCrusher August 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I wonder who "invited" Sarah to show up at the Iowa State Fair, since the Fair has the reputation of not giving political candidates special treatment when they go to the fairgrounds?
The CEO of the Fair has stated that Sarah will be treated like any other fairgoer. And the Des Moines television stations are even questioning why she is showing up like a candidate, even though she isn't a candidate.

tessiee August 12, 2011 at 12:24 am

"I wonder who "invited" Sarah to show up at the Iowa State Fair, since the Fair has the reputation of not giving political candidates special treatment when they go to the fairgrounds?"

She probably just assumed she was the star of the whole thing — because there is nothing, ever, that is not All About Her — and took it upon herself to show up, like she did with Rolling Thunder.

Nostrildamus August 11, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Hey Sarah, eat our pees!

ndisang67 August 11, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Is she coming with a sack of $1 trinkets?…else the trip isn't worth her while…

Nico_Marx August 11, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Pella, huh? If I thought she'd ever read a book in her life, I could swear she's added an Alexander the Great complex to the rest of her mental disorders. Perhaps Miss would prefer Waterloo?

OutsideAgitator August 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm

This is a cunning stunt by a ……

OldRedneck August 12, 2011 at 2:27 am

So — after arriving in Iowa and visiting the state fair for a while, Sarah Failin' walked into a bar just outside the fairgrounds with a pig under her arm.

The bartender took one look at Sarah and the pig and demanded: "Where in God's name did you get that butt-ugly, stinky thing?"

"I won her at the fair," replied the pig.

comrad_darkness August 12, 2011 at 10:04 am

Only a parent who has never cooked for her family in her life would settle back and honor factory feces food.

labman57 August 12, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Sarah strives to be a role model for diabetes and heart disease — not how to avoid them, but rather how to attain them.

PristinePantalones August 11, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Jezus, that's a horrible thing to do to a pea.

vodkamuppet August 16, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Two things about this recipe:
1) Jesus Christ.
2) Why not top it with baconnaise lite for the ultimate recipe?

NorthStarSpanx August 11, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Pristine – I was referring to her ill-contrived Times Square meal with Trump in NYC, where they BOTH used utensils to eat their pies.

George Herbert Walker Bush vomiting at a State dinner in Japan was preferable to watch.

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