Oh hooray, it’s Snowbilly Grifter Grandma and her bus tour, rolling across the ruins of the American Dream once more. What was this bus tour called, again? The Trail of Tears? Probably something like that, and we were close to believing that Sarah Palin had really decided to snowshoe her way back to the wilderness and forget about the whole thing, to bask in the glory of her family’s endless procreation. Really, though, she was just “reloading” before her big drive back to Iowa, where maybe she will give another speech or interview about how she is not running for President. She is doing this down the street from the Ames straw poll, because when Sarah Palin does not get invited to terrible parties, she holds her own even more terrible parties just down the street, except with more Freedom and screeching.
Big surprise, Sarah Palin has returned from Alaska for some reason, and we are thinking the reason is probably “for attention she does not deserve.”
In an email to supporters Wednesday, Palin said she’s accepted an invitation “to meet folks at the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines this week.”
Palin doesn’t say which day she plans to appear at the fair, which coincides with the straw poll but is a separate event about half an hour away. An Iowa GOP activist who is close to Palin, Becky Beach, told the Des Moines Register the visit was slated for Friday.
Palin writes that the trip marks the latest installment in her “One Nation” bus tour. She spent a week in late May touring East Coast historical sites on the last leg of the bus tour.
She’s been in Alaska since then, except for a high-profile trip to Pella, Iowa, in June, when she attended the local premiere of a documentary about her political rise.
It makes sense that she would perform at a State Fair, because isn’t that where livestock compete in beauty contests and women with facial hair play the Guess My Weight game? It is probably a Holy Land for members of the Sarah Palin fan club, the stuff of dreams, perhaps.
Palin has an active organization of volunteer supporters in Iowa who believe she’s going to seek the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. While there will be a write-in option on the straw poll ballot, Palin’s supporters aren’t mounting a campaign for write-in votes like Perry’s supporters are.
Naturally, Palin’s email about the trip to the fair includes a dig at President Obama. She writes, “I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried Twinkies, etc. I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”
Ah, the old “fried butter-on-a-stick forever!” platform. Sarah Palin is basically already president, for her commitment to diabetes. [Politico]
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**sigh** If only we had Intern Riley to kick around anymore, we could have dispatched him to report on this (***YEEEEE*awn***) momentous event, instanter. Now we have to rely on someone being gullible enough to put the trip on their own card until Ken gets around to (lol) reimbursing them from teh massive Wonkette site profitz (dubl LOLZ).
As an austerity measure, the wonkette überlords have decided to abandon the seven year tradition of having an "intern." Plus, they're all busy looting in the UK now..
Sarah Palin, like brigadoon, rises out of the mist any time it looks like someone else might be getting more attention than her.
This is basically it.
Mind you, the "upstaging people's events" seems to have worked out for her so far.
I wonder why none of these great big wussies is saying a single word in complaint? Why don't they just confront this shrill freeloader and point out her violation of the 11th Commandment For Republicans? Too scared?
Could be a combo of things. I'm leaning towards "letting her make a complete fool of herself" and "someone has the long knives ready to come out".
More like that hand that comes out of the water at the end of Deliverance…
For what it's worth, the above is my nomination for "Comment of the Day".
Kinda like my dog the attention whore. Every time I'd go to pet the other dog, he'd horn in and push her out of the way, "Pet ME, pet ME, give me all that attention, never mind her."
I can totally appreciate this comment, although my dogs make more sense when they fart than Sarah Palin in all her glory. Also, too, I don't like the occassional living room accident, but I imagine their shit is easier to clean up than this she monster.
I think of her more as Godzilla rising from Tokyo Harbor.
Goddamned peas, all fancy like and not on a stick.
You could put peas on a stick… it would have to be more like a really long needle though.
You'd still have to deep-fry them in lard to make them palatable.
Though, if you cook them in bacon grease, I'm sure she'd find that nutritionally acceptable.
Just explain to me how you stuff a pea with cheese-wiz and I'll consider it truly American cuisine. Until then, suck it pinko.
Here you go:
cheese-stuffed peas
Replace the intellectual liberal elite mascarpone with Real American™ Cheez-Wiz, and you're ready to deep-fry the suckers. (Add bacon-bitz for the ultimate edition.)
Man after my own disease-infested, plaque-laden heart.
Why is it that fried butter on a stick makes me think of Last Tango in Paris.
"You could put peas on a stick… it would have to be more like a really long needle though."
If the women in that family had that little of a gag reflex, they probably wouldn't be pooping out stupidly-named babbies every eight or nine months.
I like peas. That is all.
In the Palin clan, "peas on a stick" is code for a pregnancy test.
Or deep-fried.
I eat peas with honey,
I've done so all my life,
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife*.
*stick?
Yay, free food!
What was this bus tour called, again? The Trail of Tears?
I like the title "The Attention Whore Tour" because (a) it rhymes, and (b) it's true.
the palin pus-bus?
The Warped Tour.
With a Todd & Track appearance as Blink (& she's pregnant, again) performing the 1997 classic [First] Dude Ranch.
The Little Hooker That Could
The Greyhound of the Buskersvilles.
Triumph of the Pills?
Rosa Parks II: Electric Bugaloo?
I'm genuinely a bit surprised (and very little surprises me about Sarah) that she hasn't yet compared herself to Rosa Park. I mean, that's right in her wheelhouse.
She would, if Rosa Park was white also.
The Bus to Nowhere (taking the long way around, since Sarah is against the bridge.)
I think she can rightly take Lady Gaga's affectionate nickname for her fans and re-appropriate it for what's involved with her One Nation Divided bus tour.
"Little Monsters" goes well with her Little Shop of Horrors. Have at it Sarah, you steal everything and anything that's been put in front of her over the years anyway.
Yup. If'n yew want to ketch yoursel' a Librul, jus' open a can of peas and leave 'em on your front porch. When the Librul comes to take a pea, you kin shoot 'em with your Galil 7.62 mm. assault rifle. Heh, heh, heh!
Unless the raccoons get to them first.
Damn welfare raccoons.
Then you shoot the dayum raccoons. Win-win.
::::A-HEM::::
Although nowadays you CAN get the Galil chambered in 7.62mm x 51mm NATO, the rifle initially was designed around, and chambered for, the 5.56mm x 45mm round, i.e., the same, smaller round used in the US M16 series (nowadays referred to as the M4).
The reason being that the M16 didn't work very reliably in desert conditions, because of the dust; direct gas system; the inability of the weaker round to cycle the action when the rifle was fouled with sand, dust,etc. (The M4 STILL doesn't work reliably, or all, under such conditions.)
The IDF realized that they were going to have to use US-supplied 5.56mm ammo if they were going to continue to get the American taxpayer to fund Israel's particular brand of religious and ethnic bigotry. So they came up with Galil, which basically grafts an AK-type pushrod piston system onto an M16-type receiver (the lower part of the rifle).
Years later, Our Current Friends, The Germans, did pretty much the same thing via the H&K 416. But because the 416 is German, you have to pay about three times as much per unit for it.
The point is that, when you're trying for comedic effect, don't "muddy the waters" by adding in details that, while technically not impossible, may cause the Discerning Reader to do a "double take" at the wrong part of your story. I am sure that most of the other Wonkies reading your "riff" reacted the same way I did.
Oh, and in this context, you don't have to put a period after "mm" — unless it is at the end of the sentence, and one of the remaining six stops in the English language is not required. The Discerning Reader will realize that you are referring to "millimeter."
Neilist
Wonkette Guns 'N Grammar Desk
Located In That Abandoned Chicken Coop/Refurbished Meth Lab In The Back Yard of Ken Layne's Baronial Estate in RANCHO CUCAMUNGA, California.
P.S. Well, perhaps everyone except Negropolis. He'll probably assume you were referring to M&M candies. And then accuse you of "racism" because you didn't mention the "brown and yellow ones" . . . .
P.P.S. And what the heck is wrong with peas? At least they are green, and thus aren't a bunch of lazy, shiftless, foreign thieves like those brown and yellow M&Ms . . . .
Umm, well, the chamber is that thingy the bullets go into, right?
mm is Soshalizm. Use inches, like God did.
You can also bait a Neilist by sittin' on the porch talkin' about assault rifles!
Or a Chet Kincaid within a big pile 'o Food Stamps?
[Am I dating myself? Do "Those People" still make/use Food Stamps?]
Oh, I'm all butthurt! I have only said gentle, teasing things about you, except when you were factually dead wrong and had to issue a once-in-a-lifetime apology to me!
"If'n yew want to ketch yoursel' a Librul, jus' open a can of peas and leave 'em on your front porch. When the Librul comes to take a pea"
Hehe, you said, "Take a pea".
I'm sure that the sight of St.Sarah stuffing her face with fried food while gabbling her usual incoherent drivel and spraying crumbs in a wide arc will prove deeply energizing to the base.
The sight would deeply energize my pharyngeal reflex.
Well, eating these iconic Fair foods with a knife and fork is going to rather dispel the authentic-ness of the moment, won't it?
Do the Palins know how to use dining utensils? Somehow I had envisioned them in these outdoor cook-offs, tearing their meat off the bone with their teeth.
No wonder Levi had to use so many wine coolers!
Well, Well, she ought to get a peanut butter & Santorum jelly sandwich while she's there, I hear they are delicious.
So it sounds like she's going to steal every bit of T-Paw's thunder. All 2 decibels of it.
Plus, she'll probably take his corn dog, too.
And his milkshake. Also.
Here's an image for you…
Will she deep-throat it?
That's for the San Fernando follow-up to The Undefeated, titled The Undepleted Libido.
"Will she deep-throat it? "
Hell, if the women in that family could deep-throat *anything*, they'd…
Oh, wait, I kinda said that already.
Never mind.
That corndog belongs to Marcus Bachmann
Who's thunder??
And poke him in the eye.
"I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”" Get it? Hahaha This lady's making fun of Michelle Obama! Now just who is she again?
Barry was the one who said "eat our peas". But Sarah's taken plenty of cheap shots at FLOTUS.
When the Great White Grifter takes cheap shots, it means she's getting her ammo at Sam's Club. I hope the Secret Service is paying close attention to this situation.
What massively powerful pea farmer in this country is going to pull a Cortés and pour hot, molten steamed peas down that snarky throat?
She's making cheap shots at your mother. At all of our mothers! This time, she goes too far.
Sarah only regards her kids as props, or in the case of her daughters, competition, so that makes sense.
And, hey, Michelle Obama is hawt (etc. etc.). "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Sarah's just jealous.
She's *still* pissed about losing that beauty pageant title and crown to the sole black woman living in AK.
If I could go back on the wayback machine, I'd at least try to get her elected Prom Queen.
"Haw haw! We're ignorant, and we eat a lot of crap! THAT oughtta teach you liberals a lesson! Kuh-hyuk!"
I hope the lamestream media realizes this is just a family vacation and doesn't follow her or anything.
Following Her Griftiness has become a bit like following drunken Hollywood pop tarts around town: the only goal is to be there when she says or does something stupid.
She's one of those particularly dimwitted B-list celebs who can be relied upon for a steady stream of material. I'm surprised there aren't tabloid reporters stuck to the side of her bus like remoras.
that new griftbaby can't make granny grifter no bucks sitting at home.
To the BUS .family, mama needs some lovin
Looooooooooooook aaaaaaaaaaaaaat meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On the, "Number 1 Movie in America!" tour.
Wait, she was in Harry Potter?
You didn't really think that was Helena Bonham Carter, did you?
You can put lipstick on an ape, but it's still just a talking ape.
Like a case of genital herpes, she's never truly gone, just in remission for a few weeks.
I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”
Calling her childish would be an insult to children everywhere.
Please do eat every fucking stick of fried butter you can find, you fraud. I fucking dare you.
And when the butter is dripping down your leg like so much santorum, be sure to use a napkin, not a paper towel. Although a paper towel would be better. Fuckit, use your hand like a real american.
Cholesterol is socialist. Deep fried cholesterol is Merikan.
Hey, Sarah. I hear they go down easier when you shove 'em in 6 at a time.
Butter-on-a-stick goes in. Nonsense comes out. You can't explain that.
She’s been in Alaska since then, except for a high-profile trip to Pella, Iowa, in June, when she attended the local premiere of a documentary about her political rise.
Palin must have been lonely watching the movie all by herself in an empty theater.
Her ego needed a few rows to itself.
"she attended the local premiere of a documentary about her political rise.
Palin must have been lonely watching the movie all by herself in an empty theater."
I have a feeling that she was so riveted on the screen that she didn't even realize that the rest of the theater was empty.
"she attended the local premiere of a documentary about her political rise"
Triumph of the Shrill?
What a cunning stunt by a …..
A late entry in the Biggest Bore contest.
I figured the Palins would love peas, seeing as they are full of pea-ness. Savoring the pea-ness in their mouth is a favorite activity. In fact, there's nowhere on their bodies that the Palins don't love to feel pea-ness. So satisfying for the whole Palin family!
As a wonketteer with at least 128 p-ness, you know of what you speak.
She has crazy eyes!!! Oh wait… that's the other rightwing nutjob lady politician with too many children. It is so hard to keep track.
Don't worry. Crazy eyes and children are fungible commodities.
Michele needs to strike while the iron is hot. After Bible Spice announces that she was told by God to lead the Crusaders in taking back America from the Muslim Usurper, Michele will be dropped like a used condom.
But how does this effect Sarah Pa….. Oh, never mind.
NO NO, this could be an important ques…
Ah hell, your right skip it.
Will Bristol be judging the "Homemade Meth Making Contest"?
Lately, that looks like it's more up Sarah's alley.
Bristol looks like she's been hitting the deep-fried butter pretty hard.
No, but there *will* be a "who wants to have sex with Bristle?" competition.
Winner gets to have sex with Bristle.
Then everybody else who competed gets to have sex with Bristle.
Fried Twinkies? Like at the White Party NYC?
Now that takes me back…
They are going to their idea of a White Party, only with real Americans.
Well, she had to be in AK to welcome her 6-month premature grandbaby & all that jury duty, you know.
Gotta admit I like how she is willing to run anyone over with her bus. Can't have any of those pesky Republicans getting more attention than her now, can she? Maybe her & Michelle can have a Bump-it face off.
Does this mean that Sarah finished her jury duty?
As a big fat guy, can I just say that I'm appalled at the concept of deep fried butter? And I'll happily eat Pringles.
I love butter but "deep fried" sounds really gross.
It is.
Speaking as a sous chef, I honestly have no idea how one would go about deep-frying butter. I suppose you could freeze the butter and batter it in some drakes to keep it from melting into the fryer grease but it still begs the question, "why the fuck would I do that?"
Liberal elitist. Using French (sous) and asking questions.
That's right. Conservatives don't ask questions.
When GOPTV, I mean Fox says jump, conservatives ask how high???
Speaking of peas, this is kind of also my reaction to listening to Palin.
That was the most dignified way I have ever heard someone say he would go down on a guy if he could prove he was right about the dreadful nature of frozen pea copy. Unreal smooth there. The Palin and Orson are polar opposites on the vocal register pleasantness scale.
I'm not comparing Palin to Welles, I'm comparing her to the frozen pea copy.
Yeah, that's what I figured when he started yelling "Unsatisfying!"
I did love that. Must remember! An Orson Welles, in disdain during outtakes for a frozen pea commercial, speaking about blow jobs, is more dignified and comprehensible than Lou Sarah in all her speechifyin'.l
Actually, I suspect one reason Obama won so thumpingly in 2008 was the contrast between his mellifluous speaking voice and Sarah's harpy screech.
god DAMN i have been looking for that transcript since mid 93 when my bff gave me a tape and then i got divorced and lost it.
god DAMN.
I have just spent an extrememly pleasant few minutes revisting the life and works of Orson Welles. I am now back to my regularly scheduled snark, but thank you!
Do you think she'll autograph my copy of the September Playboy?
Fried butter on a stick. Is there anything we Americans can't do?
Apparently, everything else. But, as long as we can do fried butter-on-a-stick, there is very little else to worry about. USA! USA!
chin-ups?
See our toes?
Look under our fupa?
Starve to death?
Elect a Democrat who can govern?
A Syrian prison would be preferable to a "Freedom and Screeching" party.
You can bet that if she comes to my Fried Gristle stand I'm gonna charge her full price!
Sarah want fried butter-on-a-stick? How about a fried stick-up-her-butt?
Butter would probably help with that, also too.
Goddamn, she's like a political fucking gnat!!
Well, save for the fact that gnats are only midly annoying. This woman is a fullblown swarm of horseflies, because like horseflies, this bitch draws blood.
Bliz blah shiz blah. The real reason is that Mama Grizz needs a new pair of Manolo Blahniks.
Or gold-encrusted bendy straws.
Her taste is not that exquisite. All her OPM goes into commercial quality abodes with very few intimate touches (Todd truly doesn't know how Sarah got "pregnant" with Trig) that's where her bling resides.
"The real reason is that Mama Grizz needs a new pair of Manolo Blahniks."
And the weird thing about women and shoes is that they only like shoes that are new?
I'd rather walk around barefoot than in new shoes…
New grandbaby on the payroll!
Why didn't Newsweek use that photo of Palin for their cover? Tina Brown, make it happen.
For the love of God, why won't she just go away, already? This woman haunts America more than any ghost ever could. Can we give Alaska back to Russia so we can contain her, up there? Either that or freeze her in a block of ice for a few hundred years, or…forever, maybe?
I love how on John King a few hours ago some pundit made the analogy that she's like the cool kid that comes back to high school events like the prom after she's graduated and everyone just wants her to go away. lol
"Either that or freeze her in a block of ice for a few hundred years, or…forever, maybe?"
It worked for the Blob in the original movie, so it's probably worth a try.
When Palin's tits explode in a shower of tepid human gristle when she's 60 because of lifetime of hogging shards of fried meat , I will quietly say cheers and raise my glass to the man-ray sky.
Lord, the picture in my mind….give me back my morning, El Pinche!
good lord, did i write that? ……..Yager.
"When Palin's tits explode in a shower of tepid human gristle when she's 60"
This sounds like a very economical way to enjoy the 4th of July without all those expensive and dangerous fireworks…
I have a reasonable sense of humor.
I would like to see this woman as president and her whole klan holed up in the White House.
I would dearly look forward to her daily briefings and her ‘State of the Union’ speeches.
Then I would calmly walk onto a golf course during a Thunderstorm and hold my 3-Iron as high up as I could.
My 3-Iron is one of my best clubs.
~
How about this instead, a sitcom called "Rednecks in the White House"?
Make sure you don't accidentally grab your 1-Iron out of the bag. Because not even God can hit a 1-Iron.
Really, what a passive-aggressive and bitchy comment. She's the ultimate Mean Girl.
Or, as some would have it, Dismal Fucking Cunt.
"I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”"
America: The Place Where Stupid People are Free to Make Stupid Choices
See? All this time I thought a "fried twinky" was a smooth chested, meth addled gay-bar disco boi. Instead, it's Tundrabilly Health Food.
Sweet Jebus. I was in Wahsillysauce, Alaska today and what do we see as a vanity plate while at a stop light on Main Street? COLTER. Not sure if it was the can't spell or a 6-letter/digit limit on Alaskan vanity caused dropping the U. I'll send a photo we shot of the plate and weejee leading a Y-M-C-A cheer at the Wasilla Chamber Pot offices to our Wonkette editor masters.
Colter? I barely knew 'er
Could've been a fan of Jessie Colter, the late Waylon Jennings' widow who herself had a few country-pop hits. Just sayin'…
That's surely possible. Ann other possibility, would be John Colter, a member of the Lewis & Clark Party. But my guess is that the skinny of the vanity plate is that it was at teatardly embrase of that tumor on the body politic, Ann.
Always been more a fan of his son,
ShooterSurveyor Jennings, myself.WTH are you doing in Wasilla? Get thee out of there lest you become a meth-addict, pregnant, or worst of all, all that stupid is contagious!
We had to stop for a drive-by mooning.
What on earth are you doing up there, baby? Get out now, for the love of God!
We survived & are back in Anchorage to inspect another bridge.
"I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”
Good God is she a cunt.
She is so fucking nasty and mean-spirited , I can put up with her foul politics, but I despise people with no generosity of spirit.
I think she is too dumb to even understand her purported politics, unlike a Bachmann who is smart enough to insanely believe in them.
Luckily she is an aging, increasingly irrelevant, soon-to-be-broke cunt.
"Good God is she a cunt."
Mmmm….deep fried cunt.
Hot buttered cunt.
With real imitation butter!
Only in America could someone try to use as an insult, a statement of eating a healthy food.
It's not the food itself that's the problem, it's that somebody is trying to *make* them eat it… You know… forcing a big, black socialistmuslin zucchini down the virginal white throats of Real Amurricans.
Maybe the media will skip Ames and just cover Granny Grifter. Do you think she'll bring her new grandbastard with?
Between Bible Spice showing up to the Iowa State Fair on Friday and the rumor that Rick Perry will announce his intention to run for President on Saturday in South Carolina, I think the media has already forgotten about the Ames Straw Poll.
Seriously what do you people have against Palin, other than being a whining, fraudulant, petulant, hillbilly grifter publicity whore?
This evening our bar tender was a woman born and raised in Wasilla, and the most gentle descriptive she could come up with regarding Sarah was "she's a total flake." Although she did not use the term grifter, our bar tendress was quite clear the Sarah was only in it for the money and is something that rhymes with runt.
A cunning runt, no doubt.
Well, she did play basketball.
That's why she's put a full-court press on her uterus. Force of habit.
You should inquire as to the possibility of doing some official Wonkette reports on your sojourn in Alaska.
Palin vs. Bachmann S-T-A-R-I-N-G contest. First one who's head explodes wins.
actually no matter who's head esplodes, we win.
We'd all have to look away, though, and review the footage later, otherwise OUR heads might asplode. The dim, high pitched screech, emanating as if out of nowhere, not seemingly from the staring women themselves, would, also, too, haunt our memories and wake me screaming in the night for years to come.
And then I'd remember that heads asploded and I'd know things were ok.
Peas are elitist
I like peas.
I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes them taste real funny
But it keeps them on the knife.
"Visualize Whirled Peas"
Here's a name suggestion: Bus Libel.
and the article is written by Molly Ball, seriously, you can't make this stuff up…
Her husband is Harry.
May I simply condone, for the very first time, and with great enthusiasm, one of Sarah Palin's vows? Please, please, for the sake of the nation, madam, go right ahead and eat all the fried ___ on a stick that Iowa has to offer.
If she has a Q&A ask her this:
"Sarah, how's the new grandbaby? Have the proud parents had time to open their wedding presents yet?"
Will Charlotte the spider spin webs with words in them so that she can get she can get the blue ribbon I mean nomination?
"Some Bitch"
Babble On By Bus
Red Red Whine
I hear what you did there.
I am currently enjoying a blow job and some Jack Daniels. I hate this interruption to my life.
Fucking tundra twat needs to twitter, get some knee pads, and show Rick Perry how blow jobs are done down here in Texas. I heard he is gay – but I don't believe it's true. I think he's a goat fucker. But I can't confirm it.
Good for you! I used to get so much sexual action when I lived in Austin, it was a wonderful time in my life.
Ask David Souter. Erick Erickson says *he* knows.
Our snowbilly goddess doesn't want to be preznit. She wants to keep being famous. Her current lifestyle depends on it. So she has to do all sorts of crazy assed things to keep everyone's attention. She got ours, didn't she?
Does famous translate for her into rich? Good dog, how much money can she spend in Alaska?
"Her current lifestyle depends on it""
mean her income?
She's returned to the lower 48 for the just-released Sarah Palin film's early-DVD-release tour.
“I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick…" She says… She'll also be up for some raw Perry-on-a-stick, if he can manage to get it up for an actual vagina. He prolly can't, but they'll fer sure hook-up figuratively and "nail" down their political "strategery" for 2012. These Star-Crossed Lovers are meant for today's 'Merika. I've been predicting this for two years, both here and in the twittersphere.
They share a religious ideology, that 7 mountains shit that's gonna be the end of us all…
Fortunately for me, I'm in the last chapter of my life. I fear for the young.
You're a cruel, cruel man.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Dammit, you always know when I'm trying to compliment you, no matter how I phrase myself.
It's just that, unlike me, I know you are not a cruel man.
If she's really jonesing that bad for something fried, may I suggest today's special – a helping of delicately seasoned penile appendage of Rattus rattus, marinated in strychnine, artisanally santorum-coated and individually immersed in boiling turd oil?
Say, ya got any more of those?
Is there any important Iowa historical she can screw up? Like, oh, I don't know, The Midnight Ride of John Wayne?
I don't know about Iowa, but she could say something like…
The Battle of Sarah's Toga.
The Pilgrims came over on the El Camino.
Ben Franklin rang the Liberty Bell to warn Philadelphia that the Haitians were coming to take their bare arms and such.
grifter's gotta grift.
I saw Huey Lewis at a state fair once…..Is she going to do I Wanna New Drug?
I saw Dr. John at a state fair once. I was in the right place, but it musta been the wrong time…
I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried Twinkies, and of course the world famous fried defibrillator on a stick.
My State Fair — the one with the "rampaging darknesses" — has fried beer on a stick.
Mine wins.
Hey Sarah, this is your dad. I want to see you eat every carrot and pea on your plate. Do you hear me, young lady?
Have you seen her dad? I'm convinced that young Sarah ran her house, just like the nominally adult Sarah does.
Dear sir,
You should have cut and run, or as it is better known, "pulled out". Please keep this in mind during all future sexytime.
Thank you,
America
Koch blocker. The real candidates much hate this bitch.
Exactly. I'm waiting for one of them to come out and blast her. Of course, they don't want to upset the cult of teatards that hang on her every word.
Side note: God, it must suck horse dicks to live in Iowa and have all these horrible, horrible people constantly running around your state. I would dread the idea of seeing Snowbilly Snooki while making a beer run, or bumping into Santorum in a coffee shop.
Not snarky, but Saruh is that type of woman who you'd have to put a gun to her head in order for her to eat fatso food. She'd take one bite of the heifer food and then "forget about it" and leave it somewhere, or "accidentally" drop it. At the same time, she will encourage other women to "eat up," and if they lose weight, tell them they're "getting too skinny."
Naturally, Palin’s email about the trip to the fair includes a dig at President Obama. She writes, “I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried Twinkies, etc. I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”
Yes, please do that, and then have a heart attack. Oh yeah, Obama is a twinkie.
Ray Kinsella knew if he held a State Fair Clueless Lou Sarah would come.
I also expect Ray Liotta finally to get an Oscar for his portrayal. It's like To Wong Foo… meets Bang the Drum Slowly — I call it Eight Men Out of the Closet.
We might be able to work Priscilla, Queen of the Desert in there too, what with the bus and all. Except Priscilla is actually going somewhere, sort of.
Here is my story for Track and Brita and the baby- Brita was pregnant and wanted an abortion. Snowbilly required a marriage and a live birth- she promised Brita that in a year, she could have a well paid divorce and Track(and whoever takes care of all the Palin kids) would take custody. So if I am right in one year, I expect my Wonkette prize
The Tragical Misery Tour is dying to take you away….
Release the Kraken!
I got no snark on this one. I simply mourn for my beloved Iowa State Fair, because it's the goddamned best.
“I’m also excited to try some of that famous fried butter-on-a-stick, fried cheesecake-on-a-stick, fried Twinkies, etc. I’ll enjoy them in honor of those who’d rather make us just ‘eat our peas’!”
Well, that actually does lend some credibility to the idea that she might not notice two pregnancies in her own home… they're just getting fat from eating fried butter!
She needs more flag flair on her jacket. also. The look on her face-did she just receive the "shocker" ? en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shocker
This woman is a giant turd in the Republican's punchbowl. The aspirants in their freakshow of a primary must be hating Sometime Gov. Palin right now. I wonder if she realizes that she's helping Barry get reelected?
Probably.
It will be great when she rides into the event on a steer a la Mongo in "Blazing Saddles."
The Palin goofy "who me" is totally out. The Bachmann crazy eyes are whats in.
Egg-zactly. Thirty years ago when I was last in Wasilla it was a pleasant rural town that was quite proud of the new drinking water tank/system they had installed. Plenty of charm and down-home restaurants. Now it is a collection of strip malls and anus fast food joints to serve the faux rurals who commute to the fleshpot that is Anchorage. Not surprising phoney Sarah from now phony Wasilla.
We're all so goddam fat and unhealthy that doctors have invented a new word for it: diabesity. It wouldn't be socialism to eat some fucking peas once in a while.
Does $arah have an address where we can send her gifts of deep fat fried sugar and cholesterol? I'm totally into her eating deep fried shit three times a day, every day. Should I send it to AZ or AK?
"Becky Beach" is a porn name.
Either a porn name or a minor character in a Marvel comic book.
I gots to love the Grifter Granny. She's the undisputed queen of the demolition derby that is the Republican Party. I'm coming, she calls, and the crowds respond, "Us, too." Batshit Bachmann could be elected president and Griz would still steal the thunder. Go, girl! She is as irrelevant, and just as smart, as the birdshit on the bus window…but, lordy, she is fun to watch.
I wonder who "invited" Sarah to show up at the Iowa State Fair, since the Fair has the reputation of not giving political candidates special treatment when they go to the fairgrounds?
The CEO of the Fair has stated that Sarah will be treated like any other fairgoer. And the Des Moines television stations are even questioning why she is showing up like a candidate, even though she isn't a candidate.
"I wonder who "invited" Sarah to show up at the Iowa State Fair, since the Fair has the reputation of not giving political candidates special treatment when they go to the fairgrounds?"
She probably just assumed she was the star of the whole thing — because there is nothing, ever, that is not All About Her — and took it upon herself to show up, like she did with Rolling Thunder.
Hey Sarah, eat our pees!
Is she coming with a sack of $1 trinkets?…else the trip isn't worth her while…
Pella, huh? If I thought she'd ever read a book in her life, I could swear she's added an Alexander the Great complex to the rest of her mental disorders. Perhaps Miss would prefer Waterloo?
This is a cunning stunt by a ……
So — after arriving in Iowa and visiting the state fair for a while, Sarah Failin' walked into a bar just outside the fairgrounds with a pig under her arm.
The bartender took one look at Sarah and the pig and demanded: "Where in God's name did you get that butt-ugly, stinky thing?"
"I won her at the fair," replied the pig.
Only a parent who has never cooked for her family in her life would settle back and honor factory feces food.
Sarah strives to be a role model for diabetes and heart disease — not how to avoid them, but rather how to attain them.
Jezus, that's a horrible thing to do to a pea.
Two things about this recipe:
1) Jesus Christ.
2) Why not top it with baconnaise lite for the ultimate recipe?
Pristine – I was referring to her ill-contrived Times Square meal with Trump in NYC, where they BOTH used utensils to eat their pies.
George Herbert Walker Bush vomiting at a State dinner in Japan was preferable to watch.
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