There is some other GOP presidential candidate we never actually even heard of named Fred Karger, but he is according to some poll tied with Tim Pawlenty, which feels about right. Karger is also one of the vanishingly rare openly gay Republicans people hear about on quiet days when the wind is still, which means Fox News will not be allowing him to participate in their upcoming Iowa presidential debate. WHY EVER NOT?? Here, let us make a simile: showing a gay on Fox News who might “do something gay” like pull some kind of gay guerrilla move like blowing a kiss to Rick Santorum or mention gays don’t deserve the death penalty or WORSE YET MENTION THAT GAY MARRIAGE IS IRRELEVANT TO THE ECONOMY, on screen, live, is equal to the kind of terror Fox News debate producers feel when they imagine an out-of-left-field Michele Bachmann – Herman Cain french kiss.

Karger sent a letter to Fox News explaining that he met all the requirements to enter the debate, which are basically to earn at least 1% in five national polls. He’s also tied with Pawlenty and Jon Huntsman.

Fox News responded: hahahahaha polls are fake anyway. NO.

From the Des Moines Register:

[Fox News VP Michael] Clemente said each of the polls cited by Karger are either online, interactive or out of date and do not qualify for the purpose of meeting the debate criteria.

The latest national poll Karger highlighted was conducted by Harris Interactive, earlier this week showing Karger has 2 percent of the support, tied with former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman.

Karger has been shunned by some mainstream Republicans, particularly religious conservatives who disagree that same-sex couples should have the same marriage rights as opposite sex couples.

Karger has filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission earlier this year, for example, after Republican National Committee member Steve Scheffler of West Des Moines wrote in an e-mail to Karger that “I will work overtime to help ensure that your political aspirations are aborted right here in Iowa.”

WOAH. So apparently Republicans do turn out to be secretly pro-abortion when there’s a gay running around on the loose. [Des Moines Register/ Fred Karger For President]

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  • The only Gheyz Faux wants are those who remain jammed in the closet.

    • nounverb911

      That's a mighty big closet.

      • Narnia is a big place.

        • Negropolis

          The Lion, the Witch, and the Fabulous Wardrobe.

    • widget2011

      A very tightly packed closet, practically bulging the walls and bending the hinges, while warping in the middle, ready to implode on itself. Because, if they attempt to escape the closet, they will vanish into Rupert Murdock's "Black hole of Oblivion".

  • nounverb911

    What about candidates currently in gay marriages?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh, you can expect a downright bitchy email from Rick Santorum's poolboy, NV.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Leave Michele Bachmann out of this!

  • SorosBot

    Wait, if Fox is against allowing gay candidates to debate, won't they have to ban Perry and Santorum too?

    • I am pretty sure there is so much gay in Marcus that every time he farts someone in the room turns.

    • Get it straight – NO GAYS ON FOX… Nothing at all has been said about closeted Nazi impersonators.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Can you have the ghayez without Santorum?

      • PristinePantalones

        Well, yes, actually. Not all gay men are into teh buttsechs, you know.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Will Lindsey be allowed to watch (the debate, I mean)?

  • hagajim

    Faux is afraid that if Karger shows up O'Reilly will break out the louffa (or however you spell that shit)….or that Hannity will want to bugger him on the spot, or that Larry Craig will be seen tapping in the toilet.

    • nounverb911

      It's spelled F-A-L-A-F-E-L.

    • charlesdegoal


    • elviouslyqueer


    • Lionel[redacted]Esq


  • Tundra Grifter

    The headline "Fox News Refuses to Let Gay Candidate Join Iowa Presidential Debate" is missing, between "Let" and "Gay" the word "Openly." Or, I guess, "Out" if you prefer.

    It does need a qualifier. Remember – we're talking about the GNoP here.

  • widget2011

    I think Michelle Bachmann plays out in right field, not left field.

    • nounverb911

      She should play left out.

      • Steverino247

        She should be in the back of the team bus giving head.

        • nounverb911

          That's Marcus's job.

      • Tundra Grifter

        I laughed every time our daughter's soccer coach assigned a player to that position.

    • Callyson

      Maybe if she learned to play with herself, she'd be a lot less trouble. Just sayin'.

  • Santorum objects because he won't be able to concentrate on the issues while his brain contemplates, in the greatest possible obsessive detail, Karger's gay sexytime with his alter-ego Sick Rantorum.

    • emmelemm

      Sick Rantorum FTW.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      It's not Rick's fault! He suffers from Dickslexia, a kind of confusion about which side of a penis he's supposed to be on.
      It's either pushing, or pulling. One of the two, definitely.

    • Callyson

      Dan Savage is on the phone and would like to speak to you about naming a new website…

    • GhostBuggy

      There isn't enough stage makeup in the world to overcome the sweat that would drip off those bastards, having to be that close to him, so tantalizingly close…

  • I know how this goes: a gay Republican is a gay Republican and a straight Republican is a a straight Republican. They're not the same! Thanks, perfessor Santorum. Legalize straight marriage, quit shoving your throbbing gayz down our throats!

    • Swampgas_Man

      BEER AND WATER ARE NOT THE SAME! Except for that Coors horsepiss.

  • fuflans

    why would this man be a republican?

    • nounverb911

      Lindsey Graham?

    • SexySmurf

      Are you saying being a Republican is a choice?

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      oh come on, even gays have the right to hate the poors.

      • Steverino247

        Fuck the poor! (Or at least the cute ones?)

        • Pat_Pending

          That's how 'trade' works!

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        And it does appear that your chances of finding a gay date are higher within Republican circles.

    • DashboardBuddha

      4 teh moneez

    • rahelio

      Because tax cuts are sexier than any rent boy.

      • GhostBuggy

        But by being a Republican, you can demand both! Why choose?

  • charlesdegoal

    I doubt that this Scheffler fellow believes you can get pregnant in a ghey way. Rather, he uses the term "aborted" because he thinks of it as an insult.

  • iburl

    What about female presidential candidates married to gay First Lady candidates?

    • FlyOverGirl

      I, for one, cannot wait for his Inaugural Ball gown!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Kirsten: You wrote "…apparently Republicans do turn out to be secretly pro-abortion when there’s a gay running around on the loose."

    For years I've been taking the other side. Since the reactionaries hate abortion so much, why don't they support gay marriage? Those couples – male or female – just about NEVER get abortions.

  • JackObin

    Rupert will just hack his phone and then throw a pie in his she-male wife's commie face.

  • genxr

    He's going to do some kind of tele-hypnosis to recruit the entire Fox News audience into being gay. Imagine, in the middle of the debate, he puts on those funny glasses and whammo! It's fat middle-age buttsechs all across middle america.

  • What kind of a gay name is Fred?
    That's fucked up.

  • Ewww, he likes to hold hands with dudes? The GOP only accepts candidates who have gravitas and a fetus in a jar.

  • DoktorThompson

    Wait. This guy pisses off Fox, religious conservatives, etc? Where do I donate?

  • phlox✔

    Not only is he openly gay, he's a pretty reasonable person that doesn't toe the crazy line the TeaTards have spun in the sand with their Rascal wheels.

    That's why we won't be seeing him in any debates.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Wait, his "OTP Obama," "Obama is a Failure," "Lack of Leadership," "Nobama" buttons aren't always ON?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Too bad Fred Karger's biology isn't ideologically pure enough for FOX. Hey, isn't Buddy Roemer running for the GOP nom too, on basically a liberal platform? Oh, yes he is:

    Buddy argues for campaign finance reform in political campaigns and believes that politicians should be advocates of the people not for special interests who invested in campaigns. This election cycle he will only take a maximum of $100 donations for his campaign from American citizens and he promises that he won't take any money from special interests, PACs, or companies.

    Wonder what sexual orientation FOX is gonna make him out to be?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please. This is Roemer (D) waiting to happen.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Unrealistic Dreamers are gay.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Might as well go all the way with his name while they are at it.

      "Butty Reamer (D)"

    • Swampgas_Man

      Wonder what sexual orientation FOX is gonna make him out to be?

      Phucked, I'm guessing.

  • smashaduck

    Well then, let his aborted unicorn blood be upon them.

  • "tied with Tim Pawlenty, which feels about right."

    Nothing right about being tied up with TPaw.

  • Gorillionaire

    After Dr. Bachmann's patented pray-the-ghey-away treatment takes effect, this guy will just be another rich asshole like the rest of them.

    • Negropolis

      For the love of everything good and holy change your avatar.

  • HarryButtle

    If Karger has the buttsecks right before the debate, there could technically be 2 Santorums onstage at the same time…one standing at the podium next to Krager and one running down the back of Krager's leg. I think the latter would be the more coherent of the two.

  • HelmutNewton

    You know who ELSE is gay and running for the GOP nomination?

    • SexySmurf

      All of them, Katie.

      • PristinePantalones

        Since I can't reply to the OP, I must make my stand here: Hitler, who else?

    • nounverb911

      The various Koch boyz?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Limbaugh finally decided to put his fat ass behind where his mouth is?

    • Barb

      Ah CRAP, Palin has announced that she's going to Iowa for the State Fair. I guess jury duty is over.

      • GOPCrusher

        She's going to be giving the keynote speech at a Tea Bagger rally over Labor Day weekend also. Rumors are, that she will be using the opportunity to announce her candidacy for President Of The United States.

    • metamarcisf

      Captain Kangaroo?

      • nounverb911

        What about Mr. Greenjeans?

        • metamarcisf

          Or the "Son of Mr. Green Genes"?

          • nounverb911

            Tom Terrific and his wonder dog, the mighty Manfred?

          • Swampgas_Man

            Mr Moose/Bun Rabbit 2012!

          • PristinePantalones

            I think I like this track better.

    • Callyson

      Chuck Norris?

  • I immediately questioned his gayness until I found out he was in two episodes of, "McMillan & Wife" and an episode of, "Welcome Back, Kotter."

    Yup, he's gay alright.

    • SexySmurf

      He was also in Rich Man, Poor Man. And like a typical Republican he fucked the poor man.

    • nounverb911

      Wait! Isn't Kotter running for president too?

  • Crank_Tango

    jeeze, they are letting teh blax in. 50 more years gays, 50 more years. you just haven't earned it yet, baby…

  • mavenmaven

    The Koch bros do not like arugula.

  • Freddy Krueger is running, and they won't let him debate? Oh, I think he will appear, somehow.

    • Tundra Grifter

      This is probably not going to end well.

  • mourningnmerica

    Update. Karger has agreed to go back into the closet, so they have now reversed position, and invited him.

  • What the hell kind of Republican runs around saying half reasonable stuff?

    • Radiotherapy®

      Primaried ones?

  • widestanceroman

    They're all afraid of his gay master debating technique.

  • Rotundo_

    It is kinda funny that Faux Noose/Republicans are so intimidated by the mere presence of a gay candidate in their party that they lock him out of the conversation. Are they afraid that he might sound like the most rational and moral person, perhaps the most intelligent, on the stage?

    • bureaucrap

      yeah, pretty much.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Well, duh. In the Faux Noose universe, the only gays worth telecasting are either AIDS victims, Congressional male page-rapers with (D) after their name, or ugly drag queens.

      • Negropolis

        Coulter Libel!

  • orygoon

    I would WATCH a republican debate if most of the participants wore protective face masks and plastic shower foot covers and rubber gloves and stuff.

  • zappadoo76

    Fred Karger is a card-carrying Log Cabin Republican. Why did they choose this name for their group? Is it code for "put your log in my cabin"?

    Oh, I'm gonna get in trouble now.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Just don't be re-tarded.

      • Tundra Grifter

        What is it "re" tarded? I've never heard anyone called "tarded."

    • kissawookiee

      Ask Joshua Speed.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Fred won't be there but his dog and horse will.

  • smitallica

    "Karger" sounds like a great candidate for a Google bombing. Like, we need to make it mean being in a club that doesn't want you, or self-loathing or something. I don't know. Get Dan Savage and his angry ghey brigade on it.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Wow, What's next. Are they going to make Hermann Cain debate from the back of the room?

    • littlebigdaddy

      No, he gets to deliver the pizza.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, this whole thing would be hilarious if it was 1972 and an episode of All in the Family.

  • LesBontemps

    an out-of-left-field Michele Bachmann – Herman Cain french kiss.

    I would actually tune in to see that. Just to see if contact between their respective crazy results in a supernova and/or a black hole.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      "Black Hole?" That's not racial transcendence.

  • GOPCrusher

    To be fair to Faux Noise (*snicker*) the debate is being sponsored by The Family Leader. There is no way in hell a gay candidate would be allowed within 5 miles of this debate.

  • "… is equal to the kind of terror Fox News debate producers feel when they imagine an out-of-left-field Michele Bachmann – Herman Cain french kiss."


    • PristinePantalones

      I will never forget the day that episode aired.

      • Come to find out she was doing Spock as an undergrad!

  • Radiotherapy®

    See, all you naysayers, one of Perry's prayers was answered.

  • Guppy06

    Gay Republicans: proof that the poors aren't the only ones that vote against their own self-interest.

  • x111e7thst

    I am unable to form an opinion on this matter until I hear from Lindsey Graham and Joe" Lieberman .

  • OT, anybody else got Bill O'Reilly's ugly, cracked face leering over the top of their Wonkette banner?

    • SexySmurf

      I have a picture of an ugly baby; does that count?

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Tomato, Tomato.

  • Fox n Fiends

    There goes the Big Tent theory.

    • metamarcisf

      And here comes the "Pitching a Tent" theory.

  • mormos

    I never understood why gays would be part of the republican party. Then I realized that if you're looking to get screwed in the rear there is no better place than the GOP

  • metamarcisf

    OT – This week's episode of "Weeds" has a scene where Silas loads a bunch of weed into a pickup truck with a Palin – Bachmann bumper sticker. Does Showtime know something?

    • Radiotherapy®

      Don't get me started! , again!

      • metamarcisf

        Didn't know that stuff. Makes we want to take back every little nasty thing I've said about that wretched media whore and her entire family of hopheads.

        • Radiotherapy®

          I know, "Weeds" has it totally wrong. It should be a Palin/Bolton '12 sticker.

    • Negropolis

      Does Showtime know something?

      Yes. Humor.

  • And here I thought Muslims were the new gays! I guess the LGBT community is still the little black dress/black t-shirt of red meat politics.

  • proudgrampa

    Well, Fred shouldn't worry: if the debate is only carried on FOX, no one's gonna watch it anyway.

  • Come here a minute

    He didn't really expect to get in the debate, did he? Next thing you know a Mexican will try it.


    Straight Republican goes up, Gay Republican goes down. Nobody can explain it.

  • This is sad news for the ABBA-lovin' contingent.

    (Cue "Super Trouper" — for the Super Committee's hijinks have only just begun.)

  • BarackMyWorld

    Anyone remember how the Texas delegation acted during the 2000 Republican Convention? Just seeing a gay person is an afront to some conservatives.

    • Negropolis

      I honestly don't remember. Awares me, pleaze.

  • Suck My Balls

    Hey, they've already got a black. Cut them some slack.

  • Nostrildamus

    With a woman and black and a gay on the podium, I guess most of the debate would have to be about Hispanics.

  • DemonicRage

    Fox subscribes to that George W. era dictum which famously made its way into a NY Times Magazine article….we're not entirely reality-based. If Fox wants to, they can slot a few of their "Glee" cast members into the Republican wanna be forums, to boost ratings on that show.

  • ttommyunger

    What is up with some people? Openly gay Republican? I would have sooner believed that a Pope would have been a member of the Hitler Youth. No, wait!

  • MinAgain

    Other than the fact that he already had the haircut, why is this man a Republican?

  • Warpde

    A gay Republican.
    Now that's an axiom

  • BZ1

    this is getting confusing, just tell us which repub isn't running for prez…

  • DahBoner

    Didnt he get the Closeted Gays Only memo….

  • Negropolis

    Something bothers me about Karger, and it's not his orientation. His eyes creep me out, but he's a Republican, so I should have expected such a thing.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Now that Perry is in the race, I think we should say that Fred Karger is the only openly gay Republican running for President.

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