endless grifters

Naked Levi Johnston’s Sister Now Also Naked And Yelling At Bristol Palin

the pride of wasilla portraitWhat are the bitter, unemployed naked young people in Wasilla doing these days between meth come downs? Still aborting America’s collective remaining brain cells one by one with the gale-force toxic winds of their regularly scheduled rants rehashing the gross details of Bristol Palin’s achievements in unprotected sex? Yes, is your answer. Secondary Palin family media welfare beneficiary Mercede Johnston did the Johnston family thing and posed nude for the September issue of Playboy to get someone to listen to her “tell her side of the Bristol-Levi tent sex parties” that she was never involved in, again. Has Levi ever thought to himself, “it’s weird my sister is always talking about my penis?” No. Oh well, what’s the shocker this time: “Bristol Palin like totally planned her pregnancy.” Are we even still talking about 2008?

We did not read the dumb Playboy interview excerpts, so here is something we copy-pasted from some other gossip site looking for pageviewz:

As for Bristol, Johnston says the former Dancing with the Stars contestant underwent “numerous” plastic surgeries and liposuction procedures both before and after giving birth to her and Levi’s son, Tripp.

Johnston also addresses Bristol’s pregnancy, which was revealed after her mother joined John McCain’s campaign in 2008.

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“Bristol’s pregnancy wasn’t unexpected,” Johnston alleges. “She and Levi planned it. They were trying to conceive for months.”

She would know, she was standing right there watching the whole time. [People]

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236 comments

    1. freakishlywrong

      Yes, the Mensa meeting that will be the war of words on the Facebook should be riveting.

      1. Barb

        Yeah, it's going to be a real Algonquin round table over there.
        I wonder if Mercede is going to wake up with a caribou head in her bed, courtesy of Mama Grizzly's "chubby cub", Bristol.

        1. riverside68

          Pregnancy is how you avoid the Menses, don't ya know?

          It's part of Bristol's abstinence presentation . . .

    2. GOPCrusher

      Mercede posing nude for Playboy? Oh hell yeah! It is on like Donkey Kong. Either Brisket or Bible Spice will be next. Neither one will take this laying down. Unless it's on a bareskin rug in front of a fireplace.

  1. Grief_Lessons

    Saying that they were trying to conceive for months almost implies that a member of the Palin family started a project and carried it out to completion.

      1. Barb

        Nothing fits Bristol's "meat motif" anymore. Poor dumb guys probably have to strap moose antlers to their asses to keep from falling in.

          1. Steverino247

            Upfist? Hell, dive right in. (Let me know if you find your car keys so I'll cancel the tow truck, too.)

    1. mrblifil

      You got to hand it to the wily old crotchety jabberhead: he probably got to diddle each one of them as a condition of Sarah's employment offer.

    2. BTWBFDIMHO

      Three Plagues in the lower 48 can be traced back to McCain's work: the Hobbits, the Johnstons, and the Palins.

  2. SexySmurf

    Do people still buy Playboy? And don't say "for the articles." Nobody ever bought Playboy for the articles.

    1. proudgrampa

      Oh, I bought it for the interviews. I sincerely wanted to know about the wonderful women that Playboy found and their thoughts on issues of the day…

      What? You don't believe me???

    2. BerkeleyBear

      I didn't buy it, but I did occassionally read the articles in my dad's stash (and the obscene cartoons were pretty funny).

    3. Doktor Zoom

      Actually, my high school English teacher did. She had a thick file of Playboy interviews with authors and other Big Names.

      Then again, it was the 70s

  3. DashboardBuddha

    I am nigh on sick to death of the shrill, artless, moronic, go nowhere do-nothing fame whores polluting our collective unconscious.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      T-Paw, is that you? We told you at the beginning of your campaign to go batshit or GTFO, but did you listen?

    2. Negropolis

      That said, Sarah Palin posts are like comfort food, to me, compared to the All Rick Perry/All The Time posts that have stunk up the place here lately. Sarah is like the brisket at Boston Market: shitty quality, but you warm it up enough you can stomach it. Plus, you always know what you're going to get.

  4. littlebigdaddy

    Wow, you wouldn't think 19-year olds would have to spend months trying to conceive. Maybe Levi gets bad whiskey dick.

  5. V572 Coif of Destiny

    Pontia, Plymout, Buic and Chrysle Johnston will pose next. And what kind of "service journalism" is that has no link to the Playboy pix?

        1. riverside68

          Bumper sticker on a Dodge Power Wagon:

          If I wanted a Hummer, I would have asked your sister for one

    1. Negropolis

      I laughed out loud at "Chrysle", because I can see some black girl naming her daughter that.

  6. Fare la Volpe

    Five bucks says Levi and Mercede appear together next time around. They're just building the tension before they mount their assault.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Please refrain from using the words "Levi", "Mercede" and "mount" in the same post, Fare.

    2. FlyOverGirl

      Well, Tripp does need a brother-cousin. And "Tension" prolly is the next in the line of Palin baby names.

      1. PristinePantalones

        Is Tripp the one who just had a kid? Or is Tripp the kid? Jeez, how does anyone keep track of this Klan O'Dimbo's names anyway?

        1. FlyOverGirl

          Track is the dumb fuck son of Sarah.

          Tripp is the doomed child of Bristol and Levi.

          Trig is Sarah's prop.

          I have wasted a brain cell knowing this shit.

          1. PristinePantalones

            Thank you. So, no word on the new Miracle Spawn's name yet? Track, Tripp, Trig. Got it.

          2. PristinePantalones

            I'm crushed. Whatever happened to Twat, Twee, Tring, Drink, and all the OTHER wonderful names we proposed? Have they no conscience? Have they no CARE? Hmph. New Wifey Blondie or Britta or Jutta or whatever her name is must have Some Influence over DipMyDick, or whatever his name is. Track, right? This one's Track.

          3. RavenRant

            I'm thinking there was a fight about the name, which the wife won. The kid will feel like an oddball at family reunions, and normal everywhere else.

    1. Grief_Lessons

      …recently while on a trip to Alaska I stopped at a 7-11 to buy some wine coolers and a corndog. On exiting the store I noticed behind the dumpster…

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        …. a young woman smoking meth. She looked at me and the wine coolers and said, "My Mom was almost VP of that America Country down there. Give me a bite of that corndog and a cooler, and I'll make it worth your while." She then came toward me . . .

          1. PristinePantalones

            Horrified by her sagging, cavernous *upper* orifice, I flung the whole damn corndog and all the coolers at her and made good my escape. As I left, she hunched, drooling, over the corndog, tearing it asunder with shrieks that sounded vaguely like "Frick! Frack! Trick! …"

            She claimed she had a job for me, but I didn't stick around to find out. What's a "blow job," anyway?

  7. HelmutNewton

    "What are the bitter, unemployed naked young people in Wasilla doing these days between meth come downs?"

    Robbing convenience stores?

  8. hagajim

    She's fixated on Levi's penis because she was rising it…protected of course – because you can't have incestuous babies, even though incest is OK – in Alaska.

    1. tcaalaw

      Well, only sort of. Her tramp stamp actually reads in full: Levi's Cousin Joe's Uncle Bill's Daddy's Girl. Laser tattoo removal technology hasn't reached Alaska yet.

  9. freakishlywrong

    Oh. And once again, thank you, Walnuts. Thank you for loosing this hillbilly event horizon upon us from whence it appears there will be no escape.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        I like that she has started to fall into the GOP line, going with the veiled "both sides do it" &/or "people in Washington" motif.

        Because, in the last three years, Obama hasn't been dealing with divided government, first in his own party, then with the Teabagging House post-November 2010.

      2. freakishlywrong

        Ugh. Like Megs has anything to worry about. All 24 of their houses are made out of money. Hell, she craps money. It's about as genuine as Douchborogh's come to Jesus moment where he just now is discovering the wealth disparity in this fucked up country, and also claims it really started getting bad "about 3 years ago".

        1. Mumbletypeg

          Keeping in mind… she's the same whiz kid who felt the Carter–>>Reagan presidencies were before her time since she "wasn't born yet." That RealTime/Maher show appearance settled for me how shallow her historic frame of reference was, and remains so.

    1. PristinePantalones

      Everytime I see or hear anything about the Hillbilly Harpy or her misbegotten spawn, I curse McCain, again and again.

  10. PuckStopsHere

    So, let me see if I have this straight: Bristol was totally fucked up on wine coolers for months? And the whole time she was being taken advantage of?

    1. RavenRant

      What little chance Mercede ever had to be taken seriously is now forever dead, thanks to the spank pix.

      For SENATOR Scott Brown, naked spank pix didn't hurt his credibility as a 'serious politician' one iota.

  11. EatsBabyDingos

    Trying to conceive for months, they finally got "Sex for Dummies." And I still wonder how a pregnancy occurred.

  12. JustPixelz

    When I was a teenager, I too spent months trying to conceive. But apparently the phrase "it takes two to tango" is rooted in a certain reality.

  13. DahBoner

    "Naked Levi Johnston’s Sister Now Also Naked And Yelling At Bristol Palin"

    From a booth at a Tucson area Denny's:

    "HENNNNNNG???"

    1. horsedreamer_1

      He surveys the scene, marking time 'til he shall have shuffled from this orb, the papers's stories of his life encomia, obliterating from memory any reference to this greatest mistake, this palling [sic] around with glorified tourists.

      1. DahBoner

        And don't forget about clipping coupons good for 15 cents off Orange Juice.

        Today's Wednesday, after all…

      1. PristinePantalones

        If this is what passes for royalty in America, royalty elsewhere in the world will resign en masse and demand to be known henceforth as "plebes."

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        She is at least as qualified as Sarah Palin…, and she doesn't quit half way through things.

        At least that is what the hockey team is saying

          1. PristinePantalones

            Which makes her smarter than Sarah, Bristol, or the other salad-shooter-cooter, MishMash BatShitKrayZMann.

    1. GOPCrusher

      What about the minutes of entertainment that is provided by watching this electronic catfight?

  14. Callyson

    The People link has a photo of the cover of Playboy. Never mind the Levi Johnson sister interview or the photos of naked chicks, I'm reading it for the Steve Buscemi interview…

    1. Preferred Customer

      It's helpful that they subcaption that "Steve Buscemi: The Interview," because otherwise I would have assumed it was a pictorial.

      Which, ew.

      But! Still possibly more appealing than Mercede.

      1. V572 Coif of Destiny

        Naked Buscemi is actually available on HBO's very serious show that no one watches, "Boardwalk Empire." That may be why no one watches it.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          It's coming back for another season, so somebody's watching it. I don't think Buscemi was ever naked last season. It is actually "watchable" for the glorious period detail, but the "drama" part is flawed. All of Nucky's empire-building accomplishments are in his past, and Buscemi spent every episode being irritated with everyone else, and with the wrong accent. However, as with "Game Of Thrones," I feel like if HBO is going to spend all that money and I'm paying for the damned premium package, I might as well feast my eyes on all the medieval and flapper whoring.

  15. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I live in the State of Washington. I've known people from Alaska. In my experience, most of them are not named for consumer products or by randomly stabbing at a dictionary. Is this just a Wasilla sort of thing?

    1. SexySmurf

      As a current Washingtonian and transplant from Montana, I can tell you that all the good, liberal, normal people from Idaho, Alaska, and Montana eventually run screaming to Seattle, and leaving behind a concentrated population of hillbillies in those states.

    2. proudgrampa

      Dear Lionel –

      I am from Wasilla, and I resent your implication that our residents name our children for "consumer products."

      Sincerely,

      Glad Downy Swiffer Cascade

  16. EatsBabyDingos

    People who say "like totally" should be like totally shot. Fer sher!

    Valley Gurls eating yellow snow. I miss Zappa.

    1. Steverino247

      Go see ZPZ when they tour near you again. They even played Billy the Mountain and substituted Sarah Palin for the original LAPD chief.

        1. Steverino247

          Dweezil is technically perfect. He's only half Frank, of course, but you can close your eyes and not be able to tell the difference. Personally, I think he was initially trying too hard to sound exactly the same and forgot to have fun, too. He's past that point and does real well. They did the entire Apostrophe album when I saw them at the San Diego House of Blues (a great venue for that) and they had a tape of Frank playing lead and the rest of the band played like he was there with them. He was, too, in a way. Very cool show. He came down after the show and signed autographs, etc. Everybody was thanking him for bringing Frank back. It's emotional for him but he wouldn't be any other way.

    2. PristinePantalones

      I have every Zappa album EVAH on the Pod. Take it out to the garden and rock out to Titties and Beer on high!

  17. PubOption

    Mercede, who reportedly has had a boob job, is criticizing Bristol for having plastic surgery?

  18. ttommyunger

    Why are the rantings of these Trailer Twats being reported? Oh, right. We're a Country of morons…

    1. EatsBabyDingos

      Yes, a great choir of Diet Coke drinking, granny smith eating, idiots. A veritable Moron Tab and Apple Choir.

    2. PristinePantalones

      Celebrity is news, these days, don'tcha know? Get famous for being famous. Or notorious. Makes no never mind.

    3. RavenRant

      Just wait till the Octomom, Casey Anthony, and Snooki weigh in on this.

      It will rival the Mermaid Tavern times the Algonquin Round Table times infinity!

  19. Serolf_Divad

    + "S"
    There… I fixed it. Every time I read that girl's name it's like an article that was cut off mid sentence.

      1. PristinePantalones

        There's a city in California by that name. Merced. Looks like Mercede's mother couldn't decide whether to name the spawn after a fancy car or a funky city.

  20. Chet Kincaid

    In the interview that KBJ refuses to let besmirch her intellect, Mercede publicly tars the last, unspoiled Palin by claiming that Sarah forced Track into the Army to avoid having his drug abuse feasted upon by the Chattering Class during the Republican Convention.

    1. RavenRant

      Lexu would make a great science fiction name. I'm afraid little BM might have a smidgen of trouble in the schoolyard, tho.

      1. PristinePantalones

        See, I like that about Levi. He's an equal-opportunity oppressor. You might say he was catholic in his oppressiveness.

        1. RavenRant

          To be fair to Levi, he hasn't forced any children into the sexy fun and games, so the term 'catholic' is unnecessarily insulting.

          1. PristinePantalones

            To be fair to the English language, I was using "catholic" in the other two senses of the word:
            1. Of broad or liberal scope; comprehensive
            2. Including or concerning all humankind; universal

          2. RavenRant

            Yes, I know. I was attempting humor. Always a bad sign when that has to be explained.

            At least I'm not on stage with the sound of crickets instead of laughter.

          3. PristinePantalones

            Ha! My nerves, they are nervous anaconda Catholics have grown so sensitive to the haha lately, what with diddling kiddies in every state and nation of late. I shall return to being thoroughly offensive and obnoxious now.

  21. FakaktaSouth

    If you are going to put "posed nude" in a bold red and I click on it, I wanna see some nude posing. That was a bummer.

  22. Steverino247

    Why is there not a tornado hitting that area as I write this? With all that bait lying around, something has to give.

    (And I love what you guys have been doing to this so far, folks. Keep it up!)

  23. AJWjr.

    And she hasn't updated her own blog since July 4th? You'd think she'd be oh so proud of this latest career development.

      1. PristinePantalones

        And instead of buckets full of berry bugs with a soupcon of dead rat in it, she actually got Teh Munniez.

  24. GortRay

    The Palins have the "T" thing going(Turd, Trudge, Tarp), so maybe Mercede can grab the misspelled auto names, like Volkwagen, Chryler or Aton Martin?

  25. SilverTsunami

    People, where is your compassion? Can't you see that the Johnston clan was so poor that they couldn't afford the "s" for Mercedes?

  26. fuflans

    this is pathetic even for people magazine.

    we can't come close to the UK for riots OR scandal rags.

  27. SenileAgitation

    Can't we just be grateful for more of this cashing in = nudity trend? Meghan, you're up! Oh, and many thanks to your Dad for bringing this tribe of crank skanks and tool tasters to our never-ending attention!

  28. Negropolis

    Mercede is just pissed that Levi broke hillbilly law and tradition by knocking up someone unrelated to him. Tripp was supposed to be her baby, see? Levi is her man, and Bristol had to come in and do something all gross and weird like taking away her fuck-brother.

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