ENDLESS GRIFTERS  1:01 pm August 10, 2011

Naked Levi Johnston’s Sister Now Also Naked And Yelling At Bristol Palin

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

the pride of wasilla portraitWhat are the bitter, unemployed naked young people in Wasilla doing these days between meth come downs? Still aborting America’s collective remaining brain cells one by one with the gale-force toxic winds of their regularly scheduled rants rehashing the gross details of Bristol Palin’s achievements in unprotected sex? Yes, is your answer. Secondary Palin family media welfare beneficiary Mercede Johnston did the Johnston family thing and posed nude for the September issue of Playboy to get someone to listen to her “tell her side of the Bristol-Levi tent sex parties” that she was never involved in, again. Has Levi ever thought to himself, “it’s weird my sister is always talking about my penis?” No. Oh well, what’s the shocker this time: “Bristol Palin like totally planned her pregnancy.” Are we even still talking about 2008?

We did not read the dumb Playboy interview excerpts, so here is something we copy-pasted from some other gossip site looking for pageviewz:

As for Bristol, Johnston says the former Dancing with the Stars contestant underwent “numerous” plastic surgeries and liposuction procedures both before and after giving birth to her and Levi’s son, Tripp.

Johnston also addresses Bristol’s pregnancy, which was revealed after her mother joined John McCain’s campaign in 2008.

“Bristol’s pregnancy wasn’t unexpected,” Johnston alleges. “She and Levi planned it. They were trying to conceive for months.”

She would know, she was standing right there watching the whole time. [People]

 
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{ 236 comments }

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Shouldn't Mercede be minding the meth lab?

Not_So_Much August 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm

It done blowed up real good and blowed all her clothes off.

EatsBabyDingos August 10, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Nah, the explosion blew her "s" off the Mercedes.

elviouslyqueer August 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

There's a blow job joke in here somewhere…

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Now that made me laugh my "s" off.

El Pinche August 10, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I shoulda lived in Alaska when I was a teen . Damn… I love sluts.

DashboardBuddha August 10, 2011 at 1:08 pm
elviouslyqueer August 10, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Earth Girls are Easy, also, too.

Radiotherapy® August 10, 2011 at 2:11 pm

You know who else loved sluts?

mumbly_joe August 10, 2011 at 2:20 pm

*cough*

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Other than mumbly_joe, I'm guessing … men?

FlyOverGirl August 10, 2011 at 2:14 pm

'Slut" is a required class in 7th grade.

memzilla August 10, 2011 at 1:04 pm

The name for the next Palin spawn will be Sue Doh Efedrene.

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Korean?

EatsBabyDingos August 10, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Impregnated by Homer Simpson?

BerkeleyBear August 10, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Too many syllables. I'm thinking just come out with it – Meth, Crank, Speed all work.

Barb August 10, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Looks like Bristol, aka "Nanookie of the North" isn't going to like this article one damned bit.

freakishlywrong August 10, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Yes, the Mensa meeting that will be the war of words on the Facebook should be riveting.

Barb August 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Yeah, it's going to be a real Algonquin round table over there.
I wonder if Mercede is going to wake up with a caribou head in her bed, courtesy of Mama Grizzly's "chubby cub", Bristol.

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Wasilla Algonquin Round table (which is actually square):

Mercede
Levi
Brisket

Barb August 10, 2011 at 1:33 pm

And a shitlode of high chairs and booster seats.

Nostrildamus August 10, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Mensa Menstrua

riverside68 August 10, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Pregnancy is how you avoid the Menses, don't ya know?

It's part of Bristol's abstinence presentation . . .

Angry_Marmot August 10, 2011 at 1:43 pm

There are articles?

GOPCrusher August 10, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Mercede posing nude for Playboy? Oh hell yeah! It is on like Donkey Kong. Either Brisket or Bible Spice will be next. Neither one will take this laying down. Unless it's on a bareskin rug in front of a fireplace.

tcaalaw August 10, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I hope "Nanookie of the North" becomes Bristol's official sobriquet on Wonkette.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 4:49 pm

I join you in this hope.

Grief_Lessons August 10, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Saying that they were trying to conceive for months almost implies that a member of the Palin family started a project and carried it out to completion.

memzilla August 10, 2011 at 1:13 pm

As opposed to quitting halfway through? Looks like that characteristic skips a generation.

Guppy06 August 10, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Isn't that stereotypically the guy's role?

SorosBot August 10, 2011 at 4:10 pm

But Bristol seems to have quit on the raising the kid part. Like mother, like daughter.

hollywooddood August 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Those Palin men and their members! Gah.

freakishlywrong August 10, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Trite. Name the next one Trite.

El Pinche August 10, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Or Tripe…it fits their meat motif.

Barb August 10, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Nothing fits Bristol's "meat motif" anymore. Poor dumb guys probably have to strap moose antlers to their asses to keep from falling in.

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

God damn!

Girl, you nasty.

proudgrampa August 10, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Whoa!! That was good!!! Wish I could upfist more than once on that one!!!

Steverino247 August 10, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Upfist? Hell, dive right in. (Let me know if you find your car keys so I'll cancel the tow truck, too.)

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Also: that is a whole lotta roast beef drapes.

BerkeleyBear August 10, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Where do you think they got the skin to stretch over her new chin?

El Pinche August 10, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Mmmmmm Arbys

El Pinche August 10, 2011 at 2:28 pm

LMAO!! What a visual.

GOPCrusher August 10, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Trich. As in short for Trichinosis. From eating raw pork.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Sounds too Asian.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 1:23 am

I like Tricks/Trixx von Palin.

Lucidamente1 August 10, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Mercede Johnston? Well, at least she doesn't have to think up a porn name.

LettucePrey August 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Ironically, her stripper name is Hester.

GunToting[Redacted] August 10, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Tits AND GTFO.

fartknocker August 10, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Fuck you John McCain for bringing this spawn of a family into the lower 48.

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Build the darn fence!

mrblifil August 10, 2011 at 2:05 pm

You got to hand it to the wily old crotchety jabberhead: he probably got to diddle each one of them as a condition of Sarah's employment offer.

BTWBFDIMHO August 10, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Three Plagues in the lower 48 can be traced back to McCain's work: the Hobbits, the Johnstons, and the Palins.

Not_So_Much August 10, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I thought all families in Alaska knew all there was to know about each others' genitals?

Chillwaver August 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I see a Missouri GOP stalker in Mercede's future….

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

He's old enough now that she could probably hold him off with one hand.

SexySmurf August 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Do people still buy Playboy? And don't say "for the articles." Nobody ever bought Playboy for the articles.

proudgrampa August 10, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Oh, I bought it for the interviews. I sincerely wanted to know about the wonderful women that Playboy found and their thoughts on issues of the day…

What? You don't believe me???

BerkeleyBear August 10, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Stevie Wonder did (not joking).

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Of course he did. It's not like he could see the pitchers anyway.

BerkeleyBear August 10, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I didn't buy it, but I did occassionally read the articles in my dad's stash (and the obscene cartoons were pretty funny).

Doktor Zoom August 10, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Actually, my high school English teacher did. She had a thick file of Playboy interviews with authors and other Big Names.

Then again, it was the 70s

FlyOverGirl August 10, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Yeah … doesn't this interwebs thingy have porn for free?

DashboardBuddha August 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I am nigh on sick to death of the shrill, artless, moronic, go nowhere do-nothing fame whores polluting our collective unconscious.

elviouslyqueer August 10, 2011 at 1:27 pm

T-Paw, is that you? We told you at the beginning of your campaign to go batshit or GTFO, but did you listen?

102415 August 10, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Not me. I like it.

GOPCrusher August 10, 2011 at 3:59 pm

But now it haz boobies!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 1:40 am

That said, Sarah Palin posts are like comfort food, to me, compared to the All Rick Perry/All The Time posts that have stunk up the place here lately. Sarah is like the brisket at Boston Market: shitty quality, but you warm it up enough you can stomach it. Plus, you always know what you're going to get.

DashboardBuddha August 11, 2011 at 7:56 am

Interesting points…but I prefer my crazy to be fresh killed.

littlebigdaddy August 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Wow, you wouldn't think 19-year olds would have to spend months trying to conceive. Maybe Levi gets bad whiskey dick.

Fare la Volpe August 10, 2011 at 1:41 pm

It makes sense when you consider they were trying to make a butt baby.

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 2:28 pm

You know who else was a butt-baby?

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Rush Limbaugh?

Guppy06 August 10, 2011 at 1:42 pm

You mean "wine cooler dick."

Gleem_McShineys August 10, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Bartles & Shames

V572 Coif of Destiny August 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Pontia, Plymout, Buic and Chrysle Johnston will pose next. And what kind of "service journalism" is that has no link to the Playboy pix?

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:21 pm

You left out Beemer, Audi and Peugot.

Chet Kincaid August 10, 2011 at 1:34 pm

And Hummer.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 10, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Didn't Hummer Johnston play shortstop for the Mets some years back?

riverside68 August 10, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Bumper sticker on a Dodge Power Wagon:

If I wanted a Hummer, I would have asked your sister for one

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 1:42 am

I laughed out loud at "Chrysle", because I can see some black girl naming her daughter that.

Indiepalin August 10, 2011 at 1:12 pm

I wanna see the picture Newsweek is going to use for Bristol's cover story.

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Her Pap Smear.

Ducksworthy August 10, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Penis goes in. Penis goes out. Nobody knows why.

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Not even Bill O'Reilly.

KenLayIsAlive August 10, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Loofah goes in, Loofah goes out. Bill knows why.

EatsBabyDingos August 10, 2011 at 1:21 pm

And all Bristol could say between the "in" and the "out" was "warggle arggle warggle."

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 10, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Did we use to date?

riverside68 August 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Palin version:

Penis goes in, baby comes out. Nobody knows why.

Fare la Volpe August 10, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Five bucks says Levi and Mercede appear together next time around. They're just building the tension before they mount their assault.

Barb August 10, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Ewww, nibbling siblings.

Fare la Volpe August 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm

The family that lays together…

freakishlywrong August 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Please refrain from using the words "Levi", "Mercede" and "mount" in the same post, Fare.

elviouslyqueer August 10, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Sexytime!

mrblifil August 10, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I think you are over-estimating the amount they've been offered by a magnitude of 5.

FlyOverGirl August 10, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Well, Tripp does need a brother-cousin. And "Tension" prolly is the next in the line of Palin baby names.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Is Tripp the one who just had a kid? Or is Tripp the kid? Jeez, how does anyone keep track of this Klan O'Dimbo's names anyway?

FlyOverGirl August 10, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Track is the dumb fuck son of Sarah.

Tripp is the doomed child of Bristol and Levi.

Trig is Sarah's prop.

I have wasted a brain cell knowing this shit.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Thank you. So, no word on the new Miracle Spawn's name yet? Track, Tripp, Trig. Got it.

riverside68 August 10, 2011 at 4:36 pm

My money is on the ass-ault

fuflans August 10, 2011 at 4:51 pm

and look how well that turned out in 'tis pity she's a whore', 'fool for love' and alabama.

ThankYouJeebus August 10, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Dear Penthouse Forum,
I never thought this would happen to me, but….

Grief_Lessons August 10, 2011 at 3:14 pm

…recently while on a trip to Alaska I stopped at a 7-11 to buy some wine coolers and a corndog. On exiting the store I noticed behind the dumpster…

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 10, 2011 at 3:40 pm

…. a young woman smoking meth. She looked at me and the wine coolers and said, "My Mom was almost VP of that America Country down there. Give me a bite of that corndog and a cooler, and I'll make it worth your while." She then came toward me . . .

riverside68 August 10, 2011 at 4:38 pm

undoing her bra with one hand, and taking out her teeth with the other . . .

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Horrified by her sagging, cavernous *upper* orifice, I flung the whole damn corndog and all the coolers at her and made good my escape. As I left, she hunched, drooling, over the corndog, tearing it asunder with shrieks that sounded vaguely like "Frick! Frack! Trick! …"

She claimed she had a job for me, but I didn't stick around to find out. What's a "blow job," anyway?

HelmutNewton August 10, 2011 at 1:13 pm

"What are the bitter, unemployed naked young people in Wasilla doing these days between meth come downs?"

Robbing convenience stores?

Mumbletypeg August 10, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Banks, if they're from Florida…

LowProfileinGA August 10, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Trashing cabins?

hagajim August 10, 2011 at 1:14 pm

She's fixated on Levi's penis because she was rising it…protected of course – because you can't have incestuous babies, even though incest is OK – in Alaska.

x111e7thst August 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Does Mercede have her brothers name tattooed on her back or am I imagining this?

tcaalaw August 11, 2011 at 12:05 am

Well, only sort of. Her tramp stamp actually reads in full: Levi's Cousin Joe's Uncle Bill's Daddy's Girl. Laser tattoo removal technology hasn't reached Alaska yet.

freakishlywrong August 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Oh. And once again, thank you, Walnuts. Thank you for loosing this hillbilly event horizon upon us from whence it appears there will be no escape.

Mumbletypeg August 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Sorta OT but — hell, you mentioned WALNUTS and "trite" so here goes — as of today when I checked, (out of masochistic backsliding I'll admit), WALNUTS' daughter still thinks she can write.

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I like that she has started to fall into the GOP line, going with the veiled "both sides do it" &/or "people in Washington" motif.

Because, in the last three years, Obama hasn't been dealing with divided government, first in his own party, then with the Teabagging House post-November 2010.

freakishlywrong August 10, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Ugh. Like Megs has anything to worry about. All 24 of their houses are made out of money. Hell, she craps money. It's about as genuine as Douchborogh's come to Jesus moment where he just now is discovering the wealth disparity in this fucked up country, and also claims it really started getting bad "about 3 years ago".

Mumbletypeg August 10, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Keeping in mind… she's the same whiz kid who felt the Carter–>>Reagan presidencies were before her time since she "wasn't born yet." That RealTime/Maher show appearance settled for me how shallow her historic frame of reference was, and remains so.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Everytime I see or hear anything about the Hillbilly Harpy or her misbegotten spawn, I curse McCain, again and again.

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:10 pm

"Hillbilly event horizon." Fair warning, I will be stealing and using this whenever possible.

PuckStopsHere August 10, 2011 at 1:16 pm

So, let me see if I have this straight: Bristol was totally fucked up on wine coolers for months? And the whole time she was being taken advantage of?

Guppy06 August 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Where does the Archangel Gabriel fit into all this?

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Here we go a Wasilling…

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Because the only way to get anyone to listen to you is to take your clothes off.

Why doesn't this work for men?

Fare la Volpe August 10, 2011 at 1:40 pm

You've obviously never read Regretsy. A "Towel Mike" post sees their numbers soar.

Radiotherapy® August 10, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Wieners?

102415 August 10, 2011 at 2:38 pm

It works. Just not the way they would like it to.

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:13 pm

What little chance Mercede ever had to be taken seriously is now forever dead, thanks to the spank pix.

For SENATOR Scott Brown, naked spank pix didn't hurt his credibility as a 'serious politician' one iota.

seppdecker August 10, 2011 at 1:19 pm

This is still better than Deadliest Catch.

SexySmurf August 10, 2011 at 1:21 pm

More like Deadliest Snatch.

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

This was the original title for "Sarah Palin's Alaska."

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Doesn't that depend on what you catch from Mercede?

Fare la Volpe August 10, 2011 at 1:39 pm

The Mercede Delta is littered with crabs.

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Triangle of Death?

aguacatero August 10, 2011 at 1:19 pm

All Obama's fault!

EatsBabyDingos August 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Trying to conceive for months, they finally got "Sex for Dummies." And I still wonder how a pregnancy occurred.

JustPixelz August 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

When I was a teenager, I too spent months trying to conceive. But apparently the phrase "it takes two to tango" is rooted in a certain reality.

KenLayIsAlive August 10, 2011 at 2:32 pm

She should have spent more time trying to conceive of a life of not being a slut.

DahBoner August 10, 2011 at 1:21 pm

"Naked Levi Johnston’s Sister Now Also Naked And Yelling At Bristol Palin"

From a booth at a Tucson area Denny's:

"HENNNNNNG???"

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 2:01 pm

He surveys the scene, marking time 'til he shall have shuffled from this orb, the papers's stories of his life encomia, obliterating from memory any reference to this greatest mistake, this palling [sic] around with glorified tourists.

DahBoner August 10, 2011 at 2:05 pm

And don't forget about clipping coupons good for 15 cents off Orange Juice.

Today's Wednesday, after all…

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 2:31 pm

"WALNUTS just thought it was a Wednesday".

Ducksworthy August 10, 2011 at 1:21 pm

They both have the same tramp stamp. "Insert coins below"

ifthethunderdontgetya August 10, 2011 at 1:23 pm

So now we finally learn why they call it "Seward's Folly".
~

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:25 pm

You know who else had to pose nude in order to get national press coverage?

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Burt Reynolds?

nounverb911 August 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Broadway Joe Namath and his mustache?

SexySmurf August 10, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Scott Brown?

elviouslyqueer August 10, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Vanessa Williams?

HelmutNewton August 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Jessica Cutler?

Preferred Customer August 10, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Josef Stalin?

V572 Coif of Destiny August 10, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Vladimir Putin?

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Erin Andrews?

mrblifil August 10, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Eva Braun?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 10, 2011 at 3:41 pm

John Lennon and Yoko Ono?

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Dood, that was *inter*national.

GOPCrusher August 10, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Jessica Hahn?

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Bambi Bembenek?

Come here a minute August 10, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I can't conceive of who wants to know about these people.

johnnyzhivago August 10, 2011 at 1:46 pm

You don't want to learn more about America's royalty?

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:12 pm

If this is what passes for royalty in America, royalty elsewhere in the world will resign en masse and demand to be known henceforth as "plebes."

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:18 pm

This could be a clever plan. Shame those freeloaders off their thrones!

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 10:55 pm

I like ze way you zink.

teebob2000 August 10, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Just… eww…

Redhead August 10, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I actually care less about Mercede than I do about the Palins.

102415 August 10, 2011 at 2:42 pm

I think Mercede will make a terrific governor.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 10, 2011 at 3:42 pm

She is at least as qualified as Sarah Palin…, and she doesn't quit half way through things.

At least that is what the hockey team is saying

102415 August 10, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Exactly. And she's not knocked up.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Which makes her smarter than Sarah, Bristol, or the other salad-shooter-cooter, MishMash BatShitKrayZMann.

GOPCrusher August 10, 2011 at 4:05 pm

What about the minutes of entertainment that is provided by watching this electronic catfight?

Callyson August 10, 2011 at 1:29 pm

The People link has a photo of the cover of Playboy. Never mind the Levi Johnson sister interview or the photos of naked chicks, I'm reading it for the Steve Buscemi interview…

Barb August 10, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Love me some Steve Buscemi!

Preferred Customer August 10, 2011 at 1:43 pm

It's helpful that they subcaption that "Steve Buscemi: The Interview," because otherwise I would have assumed it was a pictorial.

Which, ew.

But! Still possibly more appealing than Mercede.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 10, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Naked Buscemi is actually available on HBO's very serious show that no one watches, "Boardwalk Empire." That may be why no one watches it.

Chet Kincaid August 10, 2011 at 3:43 pm

It's coming back for another season, so somebody's watching it. I don't think Buscemi was ever naked last season. It is actually "watchable" for the glorious period detail, but the "drama" part is flawed. All of Nucky's empire-building accomplishments are in his past, and Buscemi spent every episode being irritated with everyone else, and with the wrong accent. However, as with "Game Of Thrones," I feel like if HBO is going to spend all that money and I'm paying for the damned premium package, I might as well feast my eyes on all the medieval and flapper whoring.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 10, 2011 at 1:29 pm

So, sex is apparently the one thing that a Palin doesn't quit half way through?

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 1:57 am

I don't know. Isn't drunk sex the ultimate cop-out kind of sex?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 10, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I live in the State of Washington. I've known people from Alaska. In my experience, most of them are not named for consumer products or by randomly stabbing at a dictionary. Is this just a Wasilla sort of thing?

SexySmurf August 10, 2011 at 1:40 pm

As a current Washingtonian and transplant from Montana, I can tell you that all the good, liberal, normal people from Idaho, Alaska, and Montana eventually run screaming to Seattle, and leaving behind a concentrated population of hillbillies in those states.

proudgrampa August 10, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Dear Lionel –

I am from Wasilla, and I resent your implication that our residents name our children for "consumer products."

Sincerely,

Glad Downy Swiffer Cascade

EatsBabyDingos August 10, 2011 at 1:31 pm

People who say "like totally" should be like totally shot. Fer sher!

Valley Gurls eating yellow snow. I miss Zappa.

Steverino247 August 10, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Go see ZPZ when they tour near you again. They even played Billy the Mountain and substituted Sarah Palin for the original LAPD chief.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Were they good? As good as?

Steverino247 August 10, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Dweezil is technically perfect. He's only half Frank, of course, but you can close your eyes and not be able to tell the difference. Personally, I think he was initially trying too hard to sound exactly the same and forgot to have fun, too. He's past that point and does real well. They did the entire Apostrophe album when I saw them at the San Diego House of Blues (a great venue for that) and they had a tape of Frank playing lead and the rest of the band played like he was there with them. He was, too, in a way. Very cool show. He came down after the show and signed autographs, etc. Everybody was thanking him for bringing Frank back. It's emotional for him but he wouldn't be any other way.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:15 pm

I have every Zappa album EVAH on the Pod. Take it out to the garden and rock out to Titties and Beer on high!

PubOption August 10, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Mercede, who reportedly has had a boob job, is criticizing Bristol for having plastic surgery?

imissopus August 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Hubba hubba barf.

ttommyunger August 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Why are the rantings of these Trailer Twats being reported? Oh, right. We're a Country of morons…

EatsBabyDingos August 10, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Yes, a great choir of Diet Coke drinking, granny smith eating, idiots. A veritable Moron Tab and Apple Choir.

ttommyunger August 10, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Well said!

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Celebrity is news, these days, don'tcha know? Get famous for being famous. Or notorious. Makes no never mind.

ttommyunger August 10, 2011 at 7:18 pm

We are doomed.

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Just wait till the Octomom, Casey Anthony, and Snooki weigh in on this.

It will rival the Mermaid Tavern times the Algonquin Round Table times infinity!

ttommyunger August 11, 2011 at 6:23 am

No time for snark! Another Blonde is missing in Aruba!

Serolf_Divad August 10, 2011 at 1:38 pm

+ "S"
There… I fixed it. Every time I read that girl's name it's like an article that was cut off mid sentence.

LettucePrey August 10, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Eh, I'm pronouncing it "Mer-Sed" in my head.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:21 pm

There's a city in California by that name. Merced. Looks like Mercede's mother couldn't decide whether to name the spawn after a fancy car or a funky city.

johnnyzhivago August 10, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Mercede is one "s" short of a trademark infringement lawsuit.

Chet Kincaid August 10, 2011 at 1:42 pm

In the interview that KBJ refuses to let besmirch her intellect, Mercede publicly tars the last, unspoiled Palin by claiming that Sarah forced Track into the Army to avoid having his drug abuse feasted upon by the Chattering Class during the Republican Convention.

johnnyzhivago August 10, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Remind me if I ever move to Alaska and have triplet daughters to name them Lexu, Volv and BM

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Lexu would make a great science fiction name. I'm afraid little BM might have a smidgen of trouble in the schoolyard, tho.

johnnyzhivago August 10, 2011 at 1:45 pm

It would be interesting to see Mercede's birth certificate to see if it was a typo or if she is just such an idiot she can't spell her own name.

sezme August 10, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Does she even know how babby is formed?

Angry_Marmot August 10, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Somebody wishes they'd cut Levi's article off mid-sentence.

Pragmatist2 August 10, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Seriously, these people give trailer trash a bad name.

RedneckMuslin August 10, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

horsedreamer_1 August 10, 2011 at 1:58 pm
mrblifil August 10, 2011 at 2:01 pm

"Hey Levi, mind if guys jerk off to nude pics of your Sis, since you're nominally famous?"

"Go for it!"

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:28 pm

He didn't mind guys jerking off to pictures of him, so why should she be special?

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 10:43 pm

See, I like that about Levi. He's an equal-opportunity oppressor. You might say he was catholic in his oppressiveness.

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:51 pm

To be fair to Levi, he hasn't forced any children into the sexy fun and games, so the term 'catholic' is unnecessarily insulting.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 11:02 pm

To be fair to the English language, I was using "catholic" in the other two senses of the word:
1. Of broad or liberal scope; comprehensive
2. Including or concerning all humankind; universal

FakaktaSouth August 10, 2011 at 2:04 pm

If you are going to put "posed nude" in a bold red and I click on it, I wanna see some nude posing. That was a bummer.

GOPCrusher August 10, 2011 at 4:21 pm

* SPOILER ALERT! *

Pat_Pending August 10, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I've heard rumors that babies come out of your vagina!

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Still doesn't explain how babby is formed.

Steverino247 August 10, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Why is there not a tornado hitting that area as I write this? With all that bait lying around, something has to give.

(And I love what you guys have been doing to this so far, folks. Keep it up!)

gurukalehuru August 10, 2011 at 2:13 pm

No link, no pink

AJWjr. August 10, 2011 at 2:21 pm

And she hasn't updated her own blog since July 4th? You'd think she'd be oh so proud of this latest career development.

spinozasgod August 10, 2011 at 2:44 pm

a planned unplanned preganacy…what a cunning plan.

102415 August 10, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Why not? She wanted to be a welfare raccoon and it has paid off handsomely.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 10:44 pm

And instead of buckets full of berry bugs with a soupcon of dead rat in it, she actually got Teh Munniez.

mavenmaven August 10, 2011 at 2:54 pm

And to think, in 20 years she may bring down another politician.

BZ1 August 10, 2011 at 3:12 pm

was it Gomer Pyle who said: "dumb is as dumb does"; probably not, but it applies…

GortRay August 10, 2011 at 3:14 pm

The Palins have the "T" thing going(Turd, Trudge, Tarp), so maybe Mercede can grab the misspelled auto names, like Volkwagen, Chryler or Aton Martin?

102415 August 10, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Porch?

SilverTsunami August 10, 2011 at 4:10 pm

People, where is your compassion? Can't you see that the Johnston clan was so poor that they couldn't afford the "s" for Mercedes?

fuflans August 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

this is pathetic even for people magazine.

we can't come close to the UK for riots OR scandal rags.

sezme August 10, 2011 at 5:22 pm

This is pathetic even for Playboy.

SenileAgitation August 10, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Can't we just be grateful for more of this cashing in = nudity trend? Meghan, you're up! Oh, and many thanks to your Dad for bringing this tribe of crank skanks and tool tasters to our never-ending attention!

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 1:18 am

Mercede is just pissed that Levi broke hillbilly law and tradition by knocking up someone unrelated to him. Tripp was supposed to be her baby, see? Levi is her man, and Bristol had to come in and do something all gross and weird like taking away her fuck-brother.

MLHencken August 10, 2011 at 1:39 pm

It's a regular brain trust, I tellya.

Negropolis August 11, 2011 at 1:21 am

ROTFLMAO!

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Kyla Grace. Which I only know because of Wonkette!

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 10:41 pm

I'm crushed. Whatever happened to Twat, Twee, Tring, Drink, and all the OTHER wonderful names we proposed? Have they no conscience? Have they no CARE? Hmph. New Wifey Blondie or Britta or Jutta or whatever her name is must have Some Influence over DipMyDick, or whatever his name is. Track, right? This one's Track.

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 10:44 pm

I'm thinking there was a fight about the name, which the wife won. The kid will feel like an oddball at family reunions, and normal everywhere else.

RavenRant August 10, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Yes, I know. I was attempting humor. Always a bad sign when that has to be explained.

At least I'm not on stage with the sound of crickets instead of laughter.

PristinePantalones August 10, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Ha! My nerves, they are nervous anaconda Catholics have grown so sensitive to the haha lately, what with diddling kiddies in every state and nation of late. I shall return to being thoroughly offensive and obnoxious now.

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