LITERARY DEBUTS  1:36 pm August 9, 2011

Beloved Epithet ‘Welfare Queen’ To Be Replaced With ‘Welfare Raccoon’

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning has some kind of rambling magical woodland children’s bedtime story about coons ‘n beetles ‘n rat carcass to share with everybody. Here is your Google translation from the original Wingnut Gibberish: “If the EPA leaves buckets of insects scattered around the bulldozers at an abandoned construction site, the poor turn into raccoons and come to eat them at midnight.” Literary analysis: Jon Bruning believes the poor like to eat insects as long as they are free, because raccoons won’t eat anything they have to pay for. Moral of the story: Jon Bruning believes it is best not to think of poor people as human. Good point, Jon! “Welfare queen” was getting kind of worn out with its connotations of royalty or actual humanity. “Welfare raccoons” it is, from now on! What prompted this bit of dank poetry?

What kind of batshit goal could Bruning possibly have in trying to inadvertently or otherwise re-brand the poor as the kind of scavenging creatures that rednecks like to hunt and kill in their spare time? Oh, just pretend you didn’t see it coming for a minute: a run for Senate!

From TPM:

Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning, a frontrunner to replace retiring Sen. Ben Nelson (R-NE), compared poor people to scavenging racoons in a speech this week.

In a video captured by the liberal group, American Bridge 21st Century, Bruning makes the comparison as part of an elaborate metaphor originally focused on environmental regulations. He describes a requirement that workers at a construction project gather up endangered beetles by luring them into a bucket with a dead rat in order to release them elsewhere. But the plan is thwarted when hungry raccoons then eat them straight out of the rat-infested bucket. Which, according to Bruning, is a perfect image to illustrate how welfare recipients receive their benefits.

You put “dead rat” and “free insects for dinner” into the same sentence and we think more of Nebraska politicians, but eh, just us. [TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 243 comments }

Troglodeity August 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Of course, the fact that "racoons" is commonly abbreviated "coons" is totally coincidental.

Jerry Fjord August 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Will it be okay to say 'welfare coon' on Fox now? Or was it already alright?

SorosBot August 9, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Yeah, just a total coincidence I'm sure; there's no way that the apparent racism here was completely intentional and Bruning is an idiot for thinking he might fool people.

Ansnarkist August 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Okay, confession time: I never knew that this word was a racial slur until just recently. I always thought it was just what hillbillies called raccoon. I'm super glad that I never used it in public.

Ansnarkist August 9, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Oh so everyone knows, I'm not saying that this guy isn't using the term in a racist way. I'm sure he is. I'm just saying that this racial slur was one that I was ignorant over for too long in my life.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Let me guess: you're not black. Probably not even a very pale shade of brown.

Crank_Tango August 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

ah don't feel too bad…I am sure they are just like the eskimos (arctic arabs, as SP would say) and have hundreds of racial slurs for teh blax.

Like Canadian…I mean I always thought that Canadian meant Canadian.

bumfug August 9, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I worked for a company once where "French-Canadian" was code for black, just so management wouldn't catch hell if someone overheard them talking. Really.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I worked in several companies where "the girls" was code for "the secretaries," so don't feel bad.

(But seriously, that's AWFUL.)

LabRodent August 9, 2011 at 2:20 pm

In Louisiana we called some of the local folks CoonAsses (cajuns). Different meaning.

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I remember a to-do over that when Saban took the Alabama football job & disparaged his former boosters at LSU with that term. The confusion could not have happened to a better guy.

GunToting[Redacted] August 9, 2011 at 2:24 pm

A dear friend of mine nearly had the same problem with "nappy-headed… (as in 'nappy-headed ho…')" He assumed it meant that the person had bed-head, not that they had the tight, kinky curls commonly associated with black people. I managed to head off some severe beat-downs with a bit of education.

WunkRocker August 9, 2011 at 2:52 pm

We used to have a Black -n-Tan Coon Hound. But I'm pretty sure he just was raised to hunt delicious raccoons. Not uppities. Really. Swear it.

GOPCrusher August 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm

People in this part of the country are aware that "coon" is a racial slur. Believe me, Mr. Bruning knew exactly what he was doing when he selected this anecdote.

DoktorThompson August 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Yeah, he's going to have a hard time getting elected now that he's pissed off both of the black people living in Nebraska.

starfanglednut August 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Southern strategy. Works every time.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 2:21 pm

But those coons were eating those government funded bugs. And the worst part, was that it was for science.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 6:42 pm

But that's what the OTHER coons do too. You know. Eat gubmint-funded bugs. For science. Like those Tuskegee airmen, remember?

Rarian Rakista August 9, 2011 at 2:49 pm

This is actually where it most likely comes from. You don't have to search far to find pics of this stuff, my mom's facebook stream has had a few of them on there.
http://bit.ly/q3X7DF

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Totally.

Barb August 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Jon Bruning is a nut-less weasel, natural enemy of the welfare racoon.

GunToting[Redacted] August 9, 2011 at 1:40 pm

What a Cornholer.

Maman August 9, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Like cornhusker is much better…

nounverb911 August 9, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Has Nebraska somehow magically banned the poors from voting? Or is he counting on them having short memories?

Swampgas_Man August 9, 2011 at 2:27 pm

If you have you-tube, you're not really poor, are you?

SarahsBush August 9, 2011 at 2:29 pm

You mean, it's not just white land-owners anymore?

Eve8Apples August 9, 2011 at 2:35 pm

In Nebraska's poor districts, they have convinced voters Election Day is always on the sixth Thursday of the month.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm

He's counting on them not being able to read thanks to the Republican "no-child-left-behind strategy to guarantee illiteracy."

Gratuitous World August 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

i see TPM got Ben Nelson's party affiliation accidentally correct.

soojank August 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

was just about to make that comment but then I refreshed to make sure someone else hadn't already. but here's my version, because.

Haha, wait, isn't Ben Nelson actually a Democrat? Just one who votes with Republicans more often than others do? or something?

emmelemm August 9, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Oh good, I'm not the only person who noticed that and went, "Hmm – it's certainly truth in advertising, but not *technically* correct".

Lascauxcaveman August 9, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Heh, TPM is getting all Fox-newsy on us, only their slips are on the side of truthiness.

BlueMonkeh August 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Oh jeezus kriste.

This fucking state is killing me.

LabRodent August 9, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Me too, but at least your not feasted on by beatles in a bucket. Rat hating bastards.

terriblyfamous August 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

In Nebraska, this kind of thing is considered performance art. It's extra high-class if you can insult poor people and decry environmental protection in the same extended metaphor.

Callyson August 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

In this Teacession, poor people will be lucky if they beat the racoons to the dead rats.

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 12:46 am

You could always just beat the racoons.

tihond August 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Here's hoping raccoon becomes the new macaca.

gullywompr August 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Damned coons. We need to stop supplying them with rat-infested buckets – it's too good for them.

nounverb911 August 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Has anyone told Bruning he looks like a ferret?

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 12:47 am

I noticed the same thing. Those close set eyes are the hallmark of a mouth-breather.

Sue4466 August 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Guessing he prays to Jesus with that same mouth.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 6:49 pm

You know what else he uses his front pucker for?

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 12:48 am

If by "praying" you mean on his knees sucking dick, and "Jesus" you mean Jesus his poolboy instead of Jesus H. Christ, than yes, I bet he does pray to Jesus with that same mouth.

Doktor Zoom August 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

What a twist! I thought it was going to be a parable about how environmentalists were stupid and worthless, but it turned into a parable about how poor people are lazy and worthless! Either way, who needs 'em?

Sue4466 August 9, 2011 at 1:44 pm

I believe it was both. He's an equal opportunity asshole.

MittsHairHelmet August 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Whats with that shirt? Is he an assistant coach for the Cornhuskers football team?

BlueMonkeh August 9, 2011 at 1:44 pm

He wishes.

Sue4466 August 9, 2011 at 1:44 pm

He does have one point: welfare benefits are just enough for the poor to buy bugs for food.

anniegetyerfun August 9, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Maybe in YOUR fancy-pants town. Where I come from, meals of bugs are for the wealthy. We poors get by on twigs and ground-up rusty cans.

Sue4466 August 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Probably time to start rolling racoons for their grub, eh?

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 6:50 pm

So to speak, yes.

Oblios_Cap August 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

So they're making the nuts wear a little white "N" on their shirts in Nebraska now?

What a jackass.

nounverb911 August 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I forgot about Nebraska, isn't it one of those places in the middle?

starfanglednut August 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Yeah, think so. Lotta corn, probably, and flat, real flat.

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 12:50 am

Basically, it's a slightly less flat, slightly less crazy Kansas.

BlueMonkeh August 9, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Yeah – seriously – everyone bitches about Benny the Do being a DINO. But this guy is what is going to replace him on the R(at) side of the ticket.

There is no place like Nebraska! (thank god)

LabRodent August 9, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Whats that "N' stand for on his shirt…….?

BlueMonkeh August 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Nebraska as in the University of Nebraska as in the University of Nebraska – Lincoln.

And Nutjob. It can also stand for Nutjob.

DaRooster August 9, 2011 at 1:59 pm

… and NUCKLEHEAD… (his spelling)

baconzgood August 9, 2011 at 2:02 pm

nincompoop?

Polythene_Pam August 9, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Nimrod

Crank_Tango August 9, 2011 at 2:13 pm

N-word. Cuz it's what he really wanted to say anyway.

FNMA August 9, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Nowledge?

spinozasgod August 9, 2011 at 2:51 pm

knowledge…..

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Not "raccoon," I can tell you that much.

KenLayIsAlive August 9, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Hitler.

natoslug August 10, 2011 at 12:41 pm

No-dicked sack of shit.

Damn, I'm late to the party today . . . work needs to quit cutting into my wonk time.

lefty74 August 9, 2011 at 1:47 pm

At the Univ of Nebraska the N stands for nowledge.

BlueMonkeh August 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

pardon me, but it's UNL – the University of No Learning.

FNMA August 9, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I should read ahead before replying…

Come here a minute August 9, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Damn, you had me excited that asshole Wario Ben Nelson is retiring! The story has been corrected; he's running for re-election.

Nelson would have found it just as hard as Bruning to resist throwing in an aside about how scavenging raccoons are "taking the easy route", just like welfare recipients, who take the easy way of living off meager scraps of assistance instead of working one of the abundantly available jobs with good pay.

Lucky duckies!

Buckminster August 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

This pus bucket is so full of rage he can't remember if he's talking about enviros or the poor. Hope his ticker explodes.

Troglodeity August 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

His shirt reminds me of the old joke about the University of Nebraska: "The 'N' stands for 'kNowledge.'"

EatsBabyDingos August 9, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Nebrasky was whar David Byrne was singing about with the Talking Heads. "I wouldn't live there if you paid me."

Gratuitous World August 9, 2011 at 1:49 pm

this is all just an extremely complex metaphor describing the Huskers' revamped O-line. Nothing to see here, Coach Bruning.

dr_giraud August 9, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Shows contempt for science (check) and prissy dumbass scientists (check), extolls natural wisdom of farmers aka the real Americans (check), and compares the poor to carrion-eating raccoons, aka "coons" (check).

Clearly the next GOP senator from the grate state of Nebraska.

mog253 August 9, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Jesus wept.

GunToting[Redacted] August 9, 2011 at 2:32 pm

"natural wisdom of farmers" = suckling at the Government Teat of farm subsidies.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 6:52 pm

"Grate" is right. The asshole just jumped up and down, with both feet, on my last nerve.

LouBristol August 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm

"coons, beetles, rat carcass, bulldozers at an abandoned construction site" – Hey, EPA! Keep your nose out of Jon Bruning's sex-life.

Buckminster August 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

If he's describing a typical day in the life of a politician…
well, I'd rather be a racoon.

simplyblue7 August 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I'm more of welfare honey badger in that I don't care, i don't give a shit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qsclhKhAss

baconzgood August 9, 2011 at 2:27 pm

FUCKIN AWSOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE HONEY BADGER IS THE BESTEST TOUGHEST MOST EXCELLENTEST ANIMAL JEBUS EVER CREATED!!!!! (and I thought so years before every one else jumped on the Honey Badger band wagon). Major upfists for the post!

ProgressiveInga August 9, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Hey bacon, hover over me. When 'the Big One' detonates, honey badger will still be standing. Next to Cher. And palmetto bugs.

fuflans August 9, 2011 at 2:47 pm

in ordinary times i would say that is simply fabulous.

however i was eating…

SayItWithWookies August 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Ah yes — comparing the disadvanted to vermin. Party of Lincoln, right?

BarackMyWorld August 9, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Only in the since that they sometimes drive Lincolns, perhaps.

MarcelleMarceau August 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Dumpster diving welfare raccoons reap offal rewards.

smokefilleddoommate August 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

What was the punchline?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 9, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Tax cuts for the wealthy and big business!

Angry_Marmot August 9, 2011 at 10:14 pm

"Loose shoes, tight lady parts, and a warm place to shit on the poors."
(James Gaius Watt, forgotten but not gone)

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 1:00 am

All of it, Katie? Honestly, I haven't the fuckiest.

x111e7thst August 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

He's got good hair, and I'll bet he's tall. He will go far in the great state of Nebraska.

OkieDokieDog August 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Maybe Nebraska will get lucky and the raccoons will eat Jon instead.
Yummmm… tastes like porkrinds dipped in crap.

Rosie_Scenario August 9, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Does the GOP have any analogies to do with the "free" amniotic fluid that nourishes welfare fetuses/ feti?

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Uhh, Urine it?

Ohforcripessake August 9, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Yea, and I bet he calls himself a Christian as well.

Guppy06 August 9, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Blessed are the rich, for if they weren't blessed, The LORD wouldn't have given them all that money, would He?

OneYieldRegular August 9, 2011 at 1:56 pm

That kind of talk deserves a zero hour teleportation straight into Croydon.

freakishlywrong August 9, 2011 at 1:58 pm

This is The Daily Show, right?

BlueMonkeh August 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Yes. Of my life. So proud to be here.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Within 48 hours, probably yes.

Buzz Feedback August 9, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Raccoons are the mulattoes of the animal world.

Pat_Pending August 9, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Today we are all mulatto welfare racoons.

Thedongsofwar August 9, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Nature's little bandits

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 1:06 am

They're very niggerdly.

fuflans August 9, 2011 at 1:58 pm

you stay classy joe.

SmutBoffin August 9, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I'd rather be a raccoon than a parasitic tapeworm in a Jazzy scooter.

baconzgood August 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

WHAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?!!?

If you take a bunch of bat shit and moth balls and put it in a pail you have the head of Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning.

MissusBarry August 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Mix some hemlock with those metaphors and drink up, dickhead.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 2:41 pm

That's like, Conium maculatum, man…

Monsieur_Grumpe August 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

The moral of the story is reasoning by analogy can produce any kind of conclusion you want to support your wacky little agenda and you will still be completely wrong.

DaRooster August 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Beetles are a delicacy in 3rd world countries… where we are heading.

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Mmmm….Ringo Star!

SoBeach August 9, 2011 at 2:02 pm

How he was able to not use the word "shiftless" is beyond me.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 2:44 pm

How else are you going to make those capital letters? Oh, right, the bane of my existence, the caps lonk key.

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Them raccoons just sit around all day and don't work.

He knows, because he sits around and watches them all day with his binoculars…

mumbly_joe August 9, 2011 at 2:03 pm

"Let them eat rats. And also insects, too."

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Insects make a great, nutritious snack!

finallyhappy August 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

At TPm comments,someone said 70% of Nebraska farmers get farm subsidies- but somehow they don't see that as welfare. Seems to me if you get paid and aren't doing work for it- it is welfare.

Also the raccoons around here in suburban MD are picky- they only seem interested in attacking my garbage can when there are the remains of salmon . I'm sure they would not be interested in a mess of bugs and rats .

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Actually said to me by a Republican:

"Well, I'd rather give welfare to rich people, than poor people!"

THE LESSON FOR TODAY:

THE POOR ARE YOUR ENEMIES. HATE THEM. JESUS SAID SO.

Neoyorquino August 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Well, just goes to show you — even the East Coast racoons are high-falutin', what with their cultured taste buds and all. A simple and hearty Nebraska bucket-o-bugs is too good for them.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I suspect the residents of rural Maryland (what's left of it) would be happy to tell you that the raccoons in suburban Maryland are ELITIST.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Let's say that the someone wanted to have a doctor check them out. So they get a dead rat and use it to attract cockroaches. Suddenly, they have so many cockroaches, they can't get out the door to get to the doctor.

This is exactly what is wrong with socialized medicine.

Dr_Zoidberg August 9, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I am intrigued by your viewpoints and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Rosie_Scenario August 9, 2011 at 2:49 pm

That's the kind of fresh thinking that animates the teabagger wing of the GOP. Great point.

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:08 pm

"Let's say that the someone wanted to have a doctor check them out. So they get a dead rat and use it to attract cockroaches. Suddenly, they have so many cockroaches, they can't get out the door to get to the doctor."

Tom Delay? Is that you?

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Tom Delay? Is that you?

You spray and you spray and they keep coming back….

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 9, 2011 at 5:49 pm

That is the problem with the poor.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Republicans against privatized raccoons maximizing their profit by taking advantage of government subsidies!

YasserArraFeck August 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

His arms seem very short and stumpy, and his eyes small and piggish. Inbred Nebraskan motherfucker.
I read somewhere that, back in the day, a baseball game was the only place a black man could wave a stick at a white man and not get lynched. On a similar note, maybe folksy tales about raccoons are the way a racist whitetard can repeatedly slip "coon" into a public statement and not get tagged for it.

LowProfileinGA August 9, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Oh, he's been tagged. A Macaca by any other name is a 'coon.

fuflans August 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

i must confess, tools like this make me glad i live in a corrupt gang ridden mob infested very urban area.

baconzgood August 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Collecting beetles? They don't have time to do that, 'cause construction workers NEVER stand about doing nuthin'.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 2:46 pm

It's not like they are being productive, having meetings describing six sigma.

DaRooster August 9, 2011 at 2:05 pm

So is he upset that the beetles are not able to be saved due to them damn 'coons? He truly cares about the environment… Nice guy!

Goonemeritus August 9, 2011 at 2:06 pm

He’s got a point these Welfare Corporations do have it kind of easy maybe some of that aid needs to be cut. He was talking about Corporate Welfare wasn’t he?

arihaya August 9, 2011 at 2:06 pm

why does Jon Bruning hate bible thumping, flag waving, Medicare-funded scooters riding Teabaggers ???

Fare la Volpe August 9, 2011 at 2:06 pm

It's a much funnier story when he tells it at his klan lodge meetings:

"Q: What's the difference between a raccoon and a welfare queen?
A: A raccoon's only black around the eyes."

MLHencken August 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm

tl;dw

Nostrildamus August 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

total loser; dim-wit?

Weenus299 August 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm

"But the plan is thwarted when hungry raccoons then eat them straight out of the rat-infested bucket."

Hey fucko, come run for some office in SC, where this shit is written into the 1896 constitution.

El Pinche August 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Leave poor people alone, but rap your mouth around a job creator's cock and wear his old balls like a feedbag.

To be fair, Bruning rushed through that speech since he needed to get his stomach pumped because it's filled with Koch semen.

freakishlywrong August 9, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Gaaaahhh!! Avatard!

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Wrap mofo. You can't forget the big W.

fuflans August 9, 2011 at 2:50 pm

loving the avatar.

widget2011 August 10, 2011 at 5:50 am

Behind every Jesus loving hardcore Republican is a self loathing closeted homosexual. Also maybe those balls are actually in his mouth, making him a true teabagger. The are indeed "Children of the Corn(holers)", or more likely corn-holing children.

nappyduggs August 9, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Ooooh, what a terrific selection from "Jackoff's Fables". Does this irritable bowel of a man even realize that it isn't called fucking "welfare" anymore? It is now referred to as Temporary Assistance for Needy Families and the requirements for receiving it are reasonably stringent. Way to keep it current there, guy.

Fare la Volpe August 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Honey, honey. If they used it by its real name it wouldn't be such an effective dog whistle. Never let a good lynchword go to waste.

SoBeach August 9, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Pandering to pinchy-faced idiots is reality neutral. You just tap into the audience's ignorance and hostility. Actual facts and stuff are not required.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:05 pm

What is this "facts" of which you speak?

Guppy06 August 9, 2011 at 2:29 pm

The great thing about using a bogeyman is that it doesn't have to be accurate. Or honest.

nappyduggs August 9, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Sigh. I know this, youse guys. But for real, I just want these muhfuckers to wear their sheets in the daytime already. What can it hurt at this point to stop frontin' and say "I don't care much for niggers." Let's take this enema, let all shit and hell break loose, and get it the fuck over with. I'm tired and angry, for the sake of my children and yours too, if you've got 'em.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 2:55 pm

There is the "General Welfare" bit in Article 1 Section 8 clause 1 of the constitution, but what would those douchebags know?

Weenus299 August 9, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Why not the parable about how our plan to eat paint chips is ruined by drone-guided asbestos bombs, which blow up our grandmothers?

anteater August 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

That comment may show up again come election time.
What a dipshit.

BlueMonkeh August 9, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Yeah – but it won't hurt him (probably will only help).

SorosBot August 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

This analogy works, assuming that the racoons have to jump through hoops to prove that they really are hungry and need the food, will be cut off for life if they have ever committed even the most minor of crimes, the process is designed to be as humiliating and dehumanizing as possible, the beetles are just barely enough food for the racoons to survive, and rich pundits routinely attack and demonize the racoons and claim that it's their own fault they were born racoons and they could easily make themselves non-racoons if they just worked a little harder. Then welfare recipients would be just like racoons.

freakishlywrong August 9, 2011 at 2:24 pm

If there were any justice in this world, the raccoons would bite the motherfuckers while they were doing their mandatory drug tests.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:07 pm

If there were any justice in this world, it wouldn't be this world.

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 2:15 pm

In an alternate universe, where Hillary is President after having defeated Huckabee (in a Monster Truck Rally of an election), this analogy is made using seahorses, not [rac]coons.

SheriffRoscoe August 9, 2011 at 2:20 pm

But the hated endangered beetles are still being 86'd, right? So, yay? Dumb politician can't even follow his own line of blind hatred.

DemonicRage August 9, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Please let him show up for Congress wearing that Magenta and White (what is it? a…) coach's shirt, and shiny white shorts with Adidas stripes on the sides. This will make Standard and Poor's show new respect for our legislative capabilities as a nation.

Eve8Apples August 9, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Jesus on caring for the poor, ""For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in, Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. "

Jon Bruning on caring for the poor, "Give 'em a bucket of dead rotting rats and run over them like highway raccoon roadkill. YEEEEHAAAWWWW!"

SheriffRoscoe August 9, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Jesus didn't mean the 'poor' poor. He meant the poor. You know?

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Hate the Jesus, Love the FoxNews.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Welp, I know *you* had nothing to do with this, but just today some pinche little motherfucker decided to do just that to a black man: http://www.truecrimereport.com/2011/08/deryl_dedm

If that's a photo of Deryl Dedmon in that story, he is going to be EVERYfuckinbody's bitch before he's done serving his time. Just ran the man over.

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 1:27 am

18-year-old Deryl Dedmon is just 5-feet-tall and weighs 130 pounds.

That's when Dedmon announced that they should drive to Jackson, 16 miles away, to "fuck with some niggers."

They climbed into a Jeep Cherokee and Dedmon's F-250.

How was his little ass able to see over the steering wheel is what I want to know?

Mississippi never ceases to surprise me…unfortunately so.

Chet Kincaid August 9, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Even worse are the dopey women who won't get their eyes examined and let coons into their bedrooms!!

BlueMonkeh August 9, 2011 at 2:33 pm

"Who wants to snuggle with momma?"

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Well, you know how that is. Once you've had welfare recipient, ain't no goin' back.

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Once you've gone TANF, you never go back.

There. It rhymes.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 10:36 pm

I am forever in your debt. What does it rhyme with?

JustPixelz August 9, 2011 at 2:25 pm

"…like welfare recipients – if we don't incent them to work they're gonna take the easy route …"

This is great news for the unemployed. The problem isn't lack of jobs; it's lack of incentive to get a job. Hooray! Now we can move on to solving the important problems.

mumbly_joe August 9, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Translate: we haven't dehumanized them enough that they're willing to work a degrading minimum-wage job without benefits that also doesn't pay enough for a family to subsist on either.

JustPixelz August 9, 2011 at 2:45 pm

True! But ya gotta admit that turning them into raccoons was pretty dehumanizing.

GOPCrusher August 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

But according to Republiklan Economic Theory, losing a 20 dollar an hour job and taking a 8 dollar an hour job, means your better off.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Is that the theory under which Rick Perry is a Jobs-Creator?

kissawookiee August 9, 2011 at 2:32 pm

So what I'm hearing is that Bucket o' Beetles is the new hobo beans?

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Well, beetles are cheaper than hobo beans, so, I'm guessing "Yes."

imissopus August 9, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Wait, food banks are handing out buckets of grapes to poor people now? And here I am still paying nearly three bucks a pound at the grocery store like a sucker!

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 2:37 pm

& then, they're making prison-wine with 'em! Prison-wine & gov't-cheese for the "disadvantaged" in this country. Why, slip 'em a copy of Annie Hall & you'd take 'em for the upper-class.

Pat_Pending August 9, 2011 at 2:34 pm

What truly offends is this man's verbing of nouns: "If we're not gonna incent 'em ta work…" No, I'm not 'incented'. Incensed, maybe…

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Listen, in my office it's "incentivize." We need to incentivize the customers to upgrade to Oracle 11 if they're going to run our new software.

YasserArraFeck August 10, 2011 at 8:26 am

"If we're not gonna incent 'em whip their black asses back ta work…."

Fixed

LiveToServeYa August 9, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Some kinda reetard.

lefty74 August 9, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Congressman and coach Tom "big red" Osborn had more class than this deviant.

mumbly_joe August 9, 2011 at 2:38 pm

But what's Steve King's position on this issue?

On either racoons, or the poor people who are racoons-by-analogy in a way that is totally not racist, that is. Either one.

GOPCrusher August 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Steve King is still in favor of shooting racoons with a hand cannon.

SheriffRoscoe August 9, 2011 at 2:41 pm

So he's saying that raccoons should be using wages received from an employer to purchase their beetles? Foraging is taking the easy way obvsly.

SaintRond August 9, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Why not just give them appetite suppressants? Then they won't be so hungry all the time.

aguacatero August 9, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Kochhusker!

EatsBabyDingos August 9, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Note the low forehead, denoting stupidity. Wasn't true about Spock; is true for this one.

Pragmatist2 August 9, 2011 at 2:53 pm

I assume, wearing University of Nebraska booster garb as he is, that he is opposed to these "welfare" people playing football for Nebraska.

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Tap Dancing Exemption

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Tommie Frazier Libel!!!

EatsBabyDingos August 9, 2011 at 2:54 pm

"Let them eat dingleberries like me."

BlueStateLibel August 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm

The teabaggers really would like to just round up all the poors and shoot them. They ought to just come out and say it. BTW, I have a freeloading racoon that partakes of the cat food I put out for the ferals every night. But if I was a real patriot true Americun I should just shoot him, the poor shambling old fellow.

SoBeach August 9, 2011 at 3:31 pm

"The teabaggers really would like to just round up all the poors and shoot them. "

Ain't easy on a hoveround.

glamourdammerung August 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm

You know who else referred to their enemies as subhuman animals?

SorosBot August 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Spanky2b?

Chet Kincaid August 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Col. John Chivington, at Sand Creek?

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Terl?

GOPCrusher August 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

General Philip Sheridan?

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:12 pm

The Tuttsi?

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Down in Hutu Hell.

elviouslyqueer August 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Sarah Palin? Oh, sorry, I thought by "enemies" you meant "offspring."

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Um … I know this one, just give me a minute … Hitler?

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 1:30 am

Napolean from Animal Farm?

Allmighty_Manos August 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Do we even have welfare anymore? I thought Newt Gingrich's main contribution to humanity was ending it "as we know it". I love how these guys act like it is still 1972 when comes to bullshit metaphors

neiltheblaze August 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Strange thing – I played this video and my dog started howling…..

starfanglednut August 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Animal abuse! I'm calling PETA right now.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Was he trying to dig his way out of the house?

Winnie_Cooper August 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Can't Warren Buffett do something about this guy?

Redhead August 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

What I'm getting from this analogy is that welfare recipients are the next target of a wingnut mass murder shooting spree/plane crash…

Mort_Sinclair August 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

If the Democrats had any firing neurons, the commercial featuring a neglected-looking white girl of about four years with blue eyes and blond hair eating dead beetles out of a bucket with a gnawed rat at her feet would already be in the can. But they don't and it's not.

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

PIPER LIBEL!!!

proudgrampa August 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Today, we are ALL Welfare Raccoons.

proudgrampa August 9, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I, for one, welcome the buckets of insects. A good source of protein!

Fukui_sanYesOta August 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

I'm Bear Grylls and I approve this message

Nostrildamus August 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Bruning don't like raccoon cuz they washes too much.

DahBoner August 9, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Well, yeah. Good grooming habits are gay…

whiterabid August 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Wasn't this dude Henry, the serial killer. And the serial killer in Sea of Love, also.

elviouslyqueer August 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

some kind of rambling magical woodland children’s bedtime story about coons ‘n beetles ‘n rat carcass to share with everybody.

Hey AG Bruning, I've got a lovely bedtime story just for you too.

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Skellig The Owl Man might have been more appropriate.

BTWBFDIMHO August 9, 2011 at 4:24 pm

I'd like to see that, the war of the raccoons against the tycoons.

DashboardBuddha August 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

What the everloving fuck? Dude best be careful…he's looking cornfed. If destitute folks will stoop to eating bugs can cannibalism be far behind? Just sayin'.

owhatever August 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Sir. What the fuck are you talking about?

forgracie August 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm

COON LIBEL!!!!111!

Not_So_Much August 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

This is bad news for South Carolina, Texas and Arizona — who each thought they had "Nuttiest Shitpile State" all but locked up…

Toomush_Infer August 9, 2011 at 5:15 pm

First off, those raccoons are working hard for their grub, much harder than you, Coach, and, stupid as you are, how'd you get that fat govment job of Attorney General, anyway….fucked who?…that sounds pretty much like the kind of welfare you're talkin' bout, three fingers pointing right back at you….Go, Cornholers!

__kth__ August 9, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Right, if you have a minimal safety net, you will have a constant percentage of raccoons using said net as a hammock, and chilling with the T-bone steaks and 40s. Which is why unemployment is 9.2% now and it was 5% a couple of years ago but the welfare system hasn't changed any.

MiniMencken August 9, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Since when do Nebraskans have Southern accents?

PristinePantalones August 9, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Since when they're making themselves out to be the biggest racists on the planet. Tim Pawlenty was doin' that too, drawpin' his 'gs' and slurrin' and drawlin' sump'n tairble.

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 7:35 pm

I blame proud Nebraskan Dan Whitney.

Done did it, again.

ttommyunger August 9, 2011 at 6:38 pm

I thought you wuz dead! "No, I was just in Nebraska." Little Bill, Sheriff of Big Whisky, Nebraska, circa 1870.

voodooeconomics August 9, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Heck, somebody asked me to cash a Raccoon check at my business today. I refused. We don't accept no Raccoons in here. get out!

voodooeconomics August 9, 2011 at 7:50 pm

There are only 3 black people in Nebraska and the GOP has zeroed in all of them. Incredible, trying to steer? those 3 votes from 'bama

widget2011 August 9, 2011 at 8:08 pm

"If we don't send them to work, they're gonna take the easy route."

Where are all these jobs you're talking about, Jon?

Oh, I get it, this is an euphemism for "Arbiet Macht Frei". Nice, you smug bathtub fart-bubble.

Tundra Grifter August 9, 2011 at 8:43 pm

I know I/m late to the party hree, but I still don't understand why a man named "Jon Bruning" is wearing a damn big "N' on his shirt.

At least when LaVerne wore an "L" I knew what it was for.

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 12:30 am

He's got the beadiest, deadest, closest sets eyes I've seen since Scott Walker. Plus, he's got enough forehead for two people.

Inbreeding's a bitch, huh?

BTW, I know Ben Nelson might as well be a Republican, but he's actually (nominally) a Democrat, TMP.

Negropolis August 10, 2011 at 12:49 am

I love how nearing the end of his meandering, senseless story he totally spazzes out and changes the entire point of his story. lol Tea logic, indeed.

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