snowbilly innovations

Sarah Palin’s New Grandchild Here Six Months Early

the 2011 company picnic photo.See how time passes these days, faster than you thought it would, faster than the rules of the space-time continuum suggest they could, because Track Palin and his wife of three months, Britta, have a new baby! That is “the miracle of science” that the Palin family tree has discovered and been perfecting in their home meth labs recently, how to churn out a nine-month-old fetus a mere three months after a shotgun wedding. Can everyone even believe it? Maybe, for one second, because breeding is the main cash crop of the extended Palin family. Research and development is the lifeblood of company growth, etc. Oh well, whatever/congratulations!

Everyone knew from the moment this photo came out that this unfortunate new Palin family member was pregnant, because 21-year-old girls in Alaska do not wear jeans to their own weddings. (Jeans are for the third marriage in your mid-forties.) What bizarre name came up on the Scrabble board this time?

Not as weird as we’ve come to expect by half:

In an exclusive interview with RadarOnline.com, Britta Hanson’s mother Elizabeth expressed her delight over her first grandchild. “Kyla Grace is great.  She’s beautiful,” the proud first-time grandmother said.

“I’m very happy,” she gushed about the new baby.

Her daughter Britta, 21, gave birth to Kyla Grace on Saturday, August 6 just three months after marrying Track Palin, 22, Sarah and Todd Palin’s oldest child.

“I love my daughter and my son-in-law very much,” Hanson told RadarOnline.com about the overjoyed new parents.

We were voting for “Zamboni” but there’s always next time. [RadarOnline]

Comments

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  • tihond

    SHOTGUN WEDDING LIBEL!

    • mumbly_joe

      BROOD LIBEL!

      • tihond

        I tip my hat to you, sir.

      • Negropolis

        SPAWN LIBEL!

  • Barb

    Wonder if Sarah has sent the new baby a friendship request on Facebook yet? I'm sure that once she does the newborn will be giving thumbs up to everything Granny has to post about.

    • Angry_Marmot

      That day in the third grade when you realize Granny's a selfish loon is a sad day in any young girl's life…

    • V572 Coif of Destiny

      No, but Newt is claiming Kyla follows him on Twitter

      • Guppy06

        Nice to see that he's taking the long view on wife shopping.

        (OK, not really that nice.)

        • V572 Coif of Destiny

          Oh that's quite nice!

    • SorosBot

      Now, this is Sarah; she ignores her own kids except when she needs a political prop or human shield, so she won't be paying any attention to this grandkid either unless it becomes convenient.

      • Barb

        $100.00 says that Sarah has spoken to People magazine about a deal to sell the baby pictures already.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          People is gonna get those pix pretty cheap, because Bristol's already undercutting Sarah's bid by 30%.

          • user-of-owls

            No, there's a mixup here: Bristol's offering to sell the baby pix at a 60% discount, but Sarah's offering to sell the actual baby for $100K.

            Plus, an embryo to be named later.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            LOL, I just love this exciting, confusing, speeded-up free agency season, don't you? This is gonna be the bestest football year in a long time.

  • memzilla

    Good Grief, doing the math, this unfortunately-related-to-Wasilla-Grifter's child was conceived on or about Election Day 2010.

    • genxr

      Best teabagasm ever.

    • FlyOverGirl

      Election Day 2010: the gift that keeps on giving.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Wasn't Track still over in the Big Sandbox back then?

        So… maybe Todd?

    • GOPCrusher

      But that would mean, that Track engaged in premarital sex. How can this be?

      • mog253

        Family values you can really get behind…….if you know what I mean.

    • Flat_Earther

      Too late to vote…ah fuck it!

  • Come here a minute

    Clearly a reference to the use of KY during a wine-cooler fueled camping trip in Los Angeles.

  • genxr

    This is good news for Brisket's career as an abstinence trainer.

  • freakishlywrong

    I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for the fight they must have had naming that baby.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    How about "Crash Palin"?
    ~

    • BlueMonkeh

      "Get a hit, Crash."

      "Shut up."

    • flamingpdog

      No, Megan McCain has reserved the name "Crash" for her future spawn. Honoring Daddy and all that, ya know.

      • PristinePantalones

        Wouldn't the poor kid end up being named "Crash Crash Crash"? Let's just hope she doesn't marry anyone surnamed Crash.

    • mog253

      I vote for Early Palin.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Sarah Palin is a GILF….Grandma I'd Like to Forget.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Kyla must be one those Polaroid Babies™ . She might be a little out of focus but you get almost instantaneous results.

    Eh, Good luck kid, if I were you I'd run away and join a circus as soon as you can walk. Circus folk are good people.

    • DaRooster

      No need to run to a circus…

  • BlueMonkeh

    Congratulations to the couple. Good luck to them and their new spawn.

    Name is a little disappointing. I had "Triskette" in the baby pool (for a girl).

    • LesBontemps

      I was banking on "Tool Shed." For the obvious reasons.

      • horsedreamer_1

        SEX POSITIVITY LIBEL!!!

        (I mean, seriously, the Tool Shed is a classy erotic boutique on Milwaukee's posh East Side.)

      • jus_wonderin

        I was sure hoping on "Tail Gate". "Tayle Gate", even.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Tayle Gayte, for exxtra classiness.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Y? Why? 'Cause she's having a baby, baby….

    • freakishlywrong

      I was looking for "Tweet" or "Tderp". (T is silent).

    • MissusBarry

      I had Tribble. Drat.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      T

    • Negropolis

      I was hoping for Twerp, Trick, or Trapp, personally.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    "How's that preachy, abstinence-y thing workin' out for ya?"

  • benjo765

    aww, when do you think it'll get its first autobiography out?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      About the same time as the Faux News contract.

    • Guppy06

      Next week.

      What ghost writer?

    • user-of-owls

      "Nine Months in Solitary: Escape from the Tyranny of the Socialist Womb."

  • Poindexter718

    What the hell kinda name is "Grace"?

    • Barb

      It's short for SledDogRace.

      • jus_wonderin

        Grrrrrace!

    • freakishlywrong

      Sarah?

    • SorosBot

      Maybe she was conceived while they were watching the AmazinG Race?

      • Barb

        Could be short for disGrace.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Never heard of a little show called Grace Under Surveyor's Marks Fire?

  • YasserArraFeck

    Knocked up at 21? What the hell was she waiting for?

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Totally. What a slow learner.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    So are they divorced yet?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Any day, now that there's no longer a fetus to protect.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    But, how is this going to affect Trig Palin?

    • PristinePantalones

      Bzzzzt!! Wrong Palin.

  • mumbly_joe

    Clearly abstinence works so well that it impregnates the wiminfolk retroactively, duh.

  • YasserArraFeck

    What a cruel start to life for that poor kid – 1/4 Snowbilly and 1/4 Toad……I think "Fucked" would be a suitable name.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Write the story now:

    Honoring Tea Party principles and "our great American freedoms," Track Palin has refused to pay child support for over three years as he draws simultaneous six-figure salaries from his sister's "Abstinence and Responsibility Foundation" and Fox News.

    He promises to "tell the truth that the biased media refuse to report" in his upcoming book, "Not Afraid to Scam."

    • ndisang67

      He promises to "tell the truth that the biased media refuse to report" in his upcoming book, "Not Afraid to Scam."

      a better title would be "undefeated two"

  • Sue4466

    So the Palins are as bad at math as we would all suspect. Or as phony. Not sure which it is.

    • freakishlywrong

      Both.

    • James Michael Curley

      You think in Alaska's school they teach you to count to 28?

      • AJWjr.

        Why would anyone need to count further than 26, as in that's how many weeks until your unemployment benefits run out?

    • LetUsBray

      "All of them, Katie!"

  • x111e7thst

    What does Levi Johnston's sister have to say about this?

  • baconzgood

    Did you know:

    That Garry Shandling's character from the movie "What Planet are You From" is loosely based on Track Palin?

    EDIT: I knew no one would get that….I think I was the only one who saw that movie.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      I never did like Shandling, now I know why. Thanks.

      • baconzgood

        For some reason I loved the Lary Sanders Show (Almost as much as MST3K and the Furniture Guys) and was pissed when it was cancelled.

        • Steverino247

          The funniest episode was the one where his sidekick got the commercial gig for screwing the woman who was looking for talent. The last line of the show was: "That's great! Who did you have to fuck to get that part?"

  • mumbly_joe

    Oh man, I just realized something:

    camping trip

    camping trip

    trip

    Kinda lends credence to the notion that the Snowbilly clan has a tradition of naming their spawn after the place where they're concieved, don't it?

    • PristinePantalones

      Oh shit, isn't one of them named "Track"?

  • LesBontemps

    Let's not forget who the real victim is here.

    • SorosBot

      Britta, for being stuck with that thing as a mother-in-law.

      • DashboardBuddha

        I'm sure she'll be able to filter out the hate.

        • BlueMonkeh

          HA!!!

    • bureaucrap

      Hitler?

    • DaRooster

      Poor kid… good luck Kyla.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Us?

    • horsedreamer_1

      The midwife, who isn't going to get paid?

    • coron4

      Kate Moss!

    • Negropolis

      Hitler? Hitler's Legacy?

      • PristinePantalones

        It's always Hitler with you guys, isn't it?

  • slithytoves

    To the Palins: Quit diluting the godamned gene pool!

    • comptoneffect

      Dilute nothing, the Palin family genes are concentrated toxins. Actually the word you wanted was pollute as in: Quit polluting the godamned gene pool!

  • hollywooddood

    Sperm goes in. Baby comes out. You can't explain it.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    By the way, Kyla is pronounced "Killa".

    (You should see the cute rifle they gave her at the baby shower.)

    • neiltheblaze

      It was a pink Hello Kitty model.

  • FannyBurney

    I thought they'd name her Water Filter, after her mother.

    • Fare la Volpe

      They thought "Pūr" sounded too foreign.

    • LibertyLover

      They could have gone with "Hurdle" after their dad…

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    aerial-wolf-shotgun-wedding. or in alaska, "sundays."

  • elviouslyqueer

    Trashy white trash is trashy.

    • Fare la Volpe

      You can take the trash out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the trash.

  • JoshuaNorton

    I'm don't think that "abstinence" means what they apparently think it does.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You abstain from those evil contraceptive things.

      • NewtsChicknNeck

        anal only (sometimes)?

  • SorosBot

    "Congratulations", Kirsten? When someone gets stuck with a kid at 21, the right word is "condolences".

    Actually I feel like saying "my condolences" whenever someone is pregnant / gets someone pregnant, but bite my tongue.

    • mumbly_joe

      What are you talking about? Young Britta Hanson is white, and married the son of a millionare who's not exactly bashful about inventing six-figure-salary jobs for her unemployable children.

      Children having children is only a tragedy/pathology of society/whatever when it's done by brown people, who are poor also too. Otherwise, it's just god-fearin' Christian folk being fruitful and multiplyin' like it sez to over there in the bibble.

      • SorosBot

        Yeah, but even rich white people are stuck with one of those horrid baby things.

        • mumbly_joe

          One thing I learned growing up in a place that fucking SALON called "the land of limosine liberalism" is that if you're rich enough, and white enough, you can pay someone else to deal with them while they're in the larval stage.

          Whether you call such a person an "au pair" or a "nanny" depends on a number of factors, but essentially boils down to a cumulative measure of how white, how young and sexy, and how legally permitted to reside in the country they are.

          • horsedreamer_1

            This doesn't even touch on surrogacy…

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

            What I was thinking when I read Joe's post initially. Those familiar with the film Way of the Gun will remember how a certain videotape of a [..aagh – spoiler, I suppose] broke both Benicio and, whatever trophy-wife's name was, out of their respective internal firmaments, each quite memorably, if temporarily.

          • mumbly_joe

            Yeah, surrogacy should have occurred to me as well. Truth is, though, I spent most weekends my immediate post-college years in the local dive bar trying to *ahem* get to know the local au pairs, so that's the culture I'm most familiar with.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Back in late '03, I met my only two au paire (?) at Barnes n' Nobly at the mall. I still yearn for them.

        • MissusBarry

          Exactly!

        • MissusBarry

          Just because I can afford pajama jeans doesn't mean I'd ever want to have them.

          • SorosBot

            Why, why do those things exist? America – #1 in laziness and tackiness.

          • anniegetyerfun

            I'm sending mine to India! My kids, not my pajama jeans. I'm not CRUEL or anything.

          • finallyhappy

            I sent one of mine to China but she came back- she was too old for child labor by then anyway

          • insidebeltway

            My Mom gave me a pair. Was she trying to tell me something?

          • jus_wonderin

            Before I answer. Are you male or female?

        • AJWjr.

          It's actually the minimum wage domestic help that is "stuck" with babby.

    • MissusBarry

      So with you.

    • GOPCrusher

      They're just doing their part to ensure that white people don't become the minorities of America. THEY'RE TAKING AMERICA BACK!

    • PristinePantalones

      I don't. I know they'll be on the phone for the next 18 years crying about how they can't get a decent night's sleep any more through how the kid's drinking all their booze and selling all their drugs to its little pals.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    "I think they think abstinence is Latin for 'no anal'"
    – Bill Maher

  • Goonemeritus

    So how’s that abstinence only thing working out for ya?

    Oh by the way Mazel Tov

    • horsedreamer_1

      The judges also would have accepted, "How's that drily, humpy thing workin' out for ye?"

  • DaSandman

    But will Track share his meth? How does a young grifter provide for his family?

    • ndisang67

      may not need to work…momma already made millions off suckers..

  • tihond

    We're all going to regret joking about this when it turns out Kyla is a time traveler sent from the future to save us from ourselves.

    • DaRooster

      Through that gene pool? I think not… G-mom's last name is Palin, not Connors.

    • James Michael Curley

      And we learn that Kyla is Sarah Palin's mother and Kyla Palin means 'poluted stream' in a long lost Inuit dialect.

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        POND LIBEL!!!

        • PristinePantalones

          Shouldn't that be "pond SCUM libel"?

    • coron4

      We're all going to regret joking about this when another Wonkette staffer goes down in flames.

  • neiltheblaze

    Kyla Grace? That Track! SUCH a rebel. Why – that's practically normal!

    • arihaya

      'Nancy Grace" however, is hardly normal

    • DaSandman

      Nah, Jeebus insisted on it. Track wanted to call her Fuck Trophy.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Six Months Early

    Time, being a scienceey thingy, does not apply to the Palin family.

    (even their '15 minutes' has lasted 3 fucking years)

    • PubOption

      I'm trying to remember theoretical physics here. I recall that space-time would be warped around an object of infinite density (most Palins seem to approach this condition) but I think time would be dilated rather than compressed.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    This person will have 6 more months to be loved or something.

  • Barrelhse

    Do they even know who the father is?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh come on, Barrelhse, you know the obvious answer…

      wait for it…

      All of them, Katie!

      *retreats to thunderous applause*

      • horsedreamer_1

        I was going to say, "Levi".

    • AJWjr.

      In that family, it's usually the mother that asks "Is it mine?"

      • mourningnmerica

        Best.

    • mourningnmerica

      I'm just relieved they didn't name it 2nd Dude, or Lil' Paw Paw, or Todddiderod.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Gestation is for terrorists.

  • MrDorkbutt

    $20 says Levi Johnston is the favor. That dude is always having his way with Palin family values.

  • Ansnarkist

    Britta? What is she a water filter?

    Britta? What is she a character on an NBC sitcom?

    • Ducksworthy

      Ah Ya beat me to it. What is it with these people? Is this a cult? Or are teevee commercials their only cultural references?

    • DaRooster

      It is a sitcom … of sorts. However… it ain't that funny.

    • arihaya

      she is the one warned to us by Paul Revere,,, "The Britta is coming, the Britta is coming.'

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        If the Britta wasn't coming, they wouldn't be in this mess.

        • flamingpdog

          With these folks, that Britta was coming may be a generous assumption.

  • DaRooster

    How many wine coolers for this one?

    • Ansnarkist

      All of them, Katie.

      Did I do that right?

      • DaRooster

        Now… how did I know that was gonna happen?

        • Ansnarkist

          Sorry, couldn't pass up the easy setup.

        • GOPCrusher

          That's what happens when you lob softballs.

          • DaRooster

            That's what she said… hey… wait…

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    I guess Britta's water broke early.

    Baby girl, 6lbs 4oz + the awful weight of granny grizzly Sarah Palin™ around her neck

    With God's grace, Kyla Grace will live into the 22nd century, about the time we've cleaned up the Tea Party and Repubican mess.

    • horsedreamer_1

      A six-pounds premie! It's a miracle!

  • DaRooster

    "What fleece should I wear Ma?"
    "The grey one."
    "But I wore the grey one to Grandpa's funeral."

  • occams8ball

    wotta buncha reeeeetards.

  • RocketNo9

    Yay now Track and Waterfilter can start poopin' out genetically twisted failurechildren and start building their own inbred cult like Gamma LouSarah!

    Their poison wombs are making Alaska too crowded.

  • hagajim

    Another mouth to feed – oh well, the snowbilly better get back to grifting.

  • arihaya

    i'm surprissed that the baby isn't named based on the parents' names, like Brick (Brita and Track)

    • NewtsChicknNeck

      you have no idea how close you are…it was going to be Brick until Ben Folds sent them notice that they'd be paying him royalties every time SP used the lil' one as a prop.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Go fuck yourself, San Diego!

    • flamingpdog

      Grandma can't string two words together that make any sense – why assume the kids could?

      • anniegetyerfun

        It doesn't have to make sense. Refudiate!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Not if they've read "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" they won't.

      Oh wait, I'm assuming they've read something other than a box of mac and cheese. I MADE A FUNNY!

    • GOPCrusher

      Or Bric-a-brac.

    • Negropolis

      Genius!

  • MissusBarry

    This is just evidence that fetii are actually babies in the first trimester, obviously.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    3 months is 9 months in Grizzly years….

    • horsedreamer_1

      STROMILE SWIFT LIBEL!!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Quitting runs in the family. Just so easy to quit birf control and/or abstinence.

    • GOPCrusher

      Or quit the pregnancy after three months.

    • mourningnmerica

      She thought that, like his Mom, he would simply pull out.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Whenever Sarah does release herself from whatever gag-order was issued regarding this new Palin offspring, I'm sure she'll gush about the biblical middle name and enunciate GRACE the way she enunciates HUSSEIN every chance she gets.

    • mourningnmerica

      If Britta had a gag order, we wouldn't be in this mess now. (Get it, get it?)

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    What a fine, upstanding Republican family.

  • James Michael Curley

    There are ghosts on this forum. The following seems stuck in my Post a new comment box, WTF? Now, when going up the NJ Turnpike and I see an Amber Alert sign, I'll know what to do …

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Waiting nine months for your tax deductions is so old fashioned in today's economy. If anyone is to blame for this, it's Obama.

    • LesBontemps

      So he's the baby daddy? Thanksgiving dinner's gonna be interesting.

  • James Michael Curley

    We need to build a dang fence around Alaska! Henngh!

    • Buckminster

      We need to build a fence around all Palin genitalia.

  • mavenmaven

    When will Sarah Palin attack Letterman over this baby?

  • bagofmice

    I have to admit, naming the kid Zamboni would have been a smooth move.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That's cold.

    • 102415

      Hockey Monkey is a great song. I like that we could call her Zam!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Wow, they really are just a bunch of hillbillies.

  • fuflans

    i'm not going to snark here as:

    1. the palins really are irrelevancies at this point
    2. i kinda hope that military son and pregnant gal turn into boring normal people.

    • horsedreamer_1

      More likely, they'll turn into Col. Frank Fitts & Family.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Will only happen if they move far away, to somewhere where the name "Palin" doesn't carry the Stench of the Grift(TM) about it….Tierra del Fuego, maybe?

      • jus_wonderin

        Terra del Fuego? And Track was hiking her trail.

        Isn't that what got Britta into this mess?

      • AJWjr.

        I guess Arizona is out of the question, then.

  • horsedreamer_1

    CORD BLOOD LIBEL!!!

  • DemonicRage

    If you are going to subject us to any news updates about the Snowbunny Grifter clan, could we have a summer repeat of exactly how many pair of silk boxers for Todd were charged at Saks Fifth Ave and billed to the Republican National Party…also what size they were. Makes it easier to visualize the First Dude in his lounge hours.

  • Guppy06

    Less "family tree," more "sign post."

    • horsedreamer_1

      What's brown & sticky?

      The Palin geneaology chart.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Shit, the way these folks procreate my permanent fund dividend will be down to a buck-40 before long

    • bagofmice

      That's socialism!

  • Buckminster

    Lovely. These mental midgets breed like fruit flies and now it doesn't even take 9 months for them to pop out a kid? Sheesh! I shudder at this verkatke world.

  • jdoleman

    It was a quiet wedding, the shotguns had silencers on them.

    • DahBoner

      And they was actually hunting for the food for the reception…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    OT Scum Alert: Our old friend Spanky Breivik is back in action with a new ID account called "DOW has Barrybarry." Look for him to be spreading his fungus on your recent visitors list!

    • jus_wonderin

      Yup. He has had 3 names in as many days. Lordy, so sad.

      • flamingpdog

        Lordy, how many voices can a guy have in one head?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        He never follows me. I guess I'm not important. I haz inferiority complex now.

        • jus_wonderin

          I did ask him why he follows me as I have nothing of importance to say/add. His reply was some nonsense about everybody has something to teach him. Yeah, right. If anything from reading my posts he should have learned that changing a screenname so often is schizophrenic.

        • glamourdammerung

          All I did was ask him what the point of trolling a website for hours and hours every single day was. I guess I must have really hurt his fragile widdle feelings.

    • mumbly_joe

      When he named SEAL Team 6 for getting OBL, Obama told terrorists around the world whom to attack.

      Sooo… troll's an idiot, in other words?

      Wait, how is that even a question.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        His dedication to mindless talking points is breathtaking. I hope our vaunted national security apparatus of anal-probe invasiveness is keeping his ass away from firearms.

        • mumbly_joe

          I'm just flabbergasted that someone so obsessed with The Terrorists would fail to understand how "Seal Team Six" is an uninformative handle that gives zero information about the covert team that is "on call" and assembled on an ad hoc basis when needed, let alone the identities of the people that make up the team, which are protected precisely for OpSec reasons.

          I mean, I honestly shouldn't be all that surprised that right-wing war cheerleaders don't understand how military intelligence works nearly as much as li'l ol' left-wing peacenik libtard me, given how the years between 2001-2008 unfolded, but still. You'd think they'd understand the difference between outing a CIA operative with NOC status and saying "this is a thing which we call the team that did this op, here's NO MORE INFORMATION about who they are, where they're based, or how they operate".

      • Steverino247

        No shit? Like the bad guys don't know we have SEAL's, rangers, Green Berets and Delta operators to chase them with. You would think that Black Hawk Down would have been a fucking clue…

      • GOPCrusher

        They walk around wearing t-shirts that say "Yup, I'm a member of SEAL Team 6."?

      • glamourdammerung

        I thought that was so terrorists would kill Breitards and Red Staters. Since they are the only ones I see claiming to be members of SEAL Team 6, ninjas, etc.

    • user-of-owls

      He's been pretty much emasculated (I know, redundant) since the down thumb was amputated, no?

    • DahBoner

      Is our stalkers learning?

      • Rotundo_

        Not from what I see: I would prefer that he had to work to see what I had to say, but I can't imagine him getting a whole lot from the experience. If he thinks we're good for oppo research for the "patriots" we aren't exactly exceptional in terms of our viewpoints etc. It isn't like he's doing some sort of "intel" work observing us, unless it's in his happy little conservative world. Although that could be it, maybe he is divorced sufficiently from reality to think he is reporting all this to Breitbart's legions so they can "track" us and our "unAmurkan" activities. I'm thinking Andy is more interested in getting pissed up and passing out.

  • jus_wonderin

    How long will that premie have to stay under the heat lamp?????

    • horsedreamer_1
    • user-of-owls

      Just until the burger is done and the "Order up!" call goes out.

    • DahBoner

      "How long will that premie have to stay under the heat lamp?????"

      In order to get a fresh baby, that hasn't been sitting under a heat lamp for too long, you need to special order one.

      Like with three arms or something….

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Careful, or Incensed Debate will take away the word "special".

  • a_pink_poodle

    It's a Jesus miracle! A 6 month premature baby is healthy and alive!

    • GOPCrusher

      Isn't this more a triumph of America's Best In The World Health Care System that people from those countries that have nationalized care can only dream of?

      • a_pink_poodle

        That Baby Jesus blessed so that the rich can live in eternal life!

    • Rotundo_

      I'm wondering if the Palin clan has devolved back to marsupial so the kid attaches to mom like a baby 'roo and stuff.

  • Dürers Rhino

    Think of what their accelerated breeding program could do for stem cell research!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The Palin clan doesn't believe in socialistic condoms.

  • user-of-owls

    Literally, a family of bastards.

    • MissusBarry

      Competely OT, Owls, but hope your cleanliness is going well.

  • Weenus299

    Maybe next Klepta, then Krapta, so they can raise a KKK-razy familia.

  • johnnymeatworth

    The kid's already quit being in the womb.? What a go-getter!

  • user-of-owls

    Any bets on which of the breeder-reactionary candidates' families is going to grab for the obvious and name their next ex-fetus "Job Creator?"

    It does have an Old Testament vibe, after all.

    • bagofmice

      Job's creator was a bit of a bastard, dealing with the devil like that.

      • PristinePantalones

        Yeah, but look what he did to *Job.*

        I mean, really, you're better off not being friends with a guy like that.

    • Radiotherapy®

      oh, that's rich, haven't these people suffered enough?

  • franco_pinyon

    Good Grief!!! These people are like a case of psoriasis. Not only are they impossible to get rid of but they tend to spread.

    • jus_wonderin

      Soon, they will be able to charge a small fee for visitors to view the "Palin's Ascend from the Cave" every evening at dusk.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Twenty bucks says the kid is the product of another one of Sarah Palin's invisible pregnancies.

  • bflrtsplk

    Zamboni has four – er three – syllables, far too complex for this bunch. So, for the next one, here's one vote for Puck.

  • user-of-owls

    And this overgrown embryo is damn well gonna testify before an Ohio legislative committee, unlike those spineless lumps that wussed out back in March!

  • Oblios_Cap

    $arah's son-in-law definitely has Presidential Timber!

  • jus_wonderin

    OT: But, I invented a time machine to take us all back to the time when we didn't know the name, Palin. Then, we form a queue and bitch slap Walnuts and then we return to August 9, 2011. Though, I do want to stop off in April of '09 to put some more money in the markets.

    The line starts over there near the file cabinet. Sign the clipboard. Bring a lunch.

    • RedneckMuslin

      We could go back to visit one of those many plane crashes that he lived thru.

      • jus_wonderin

        Ah, right. Bring a lunch and a 2 x 4.

  • ndisang67

    "Her daughter Britta, 21, …..Track Palin, 22…"

    looks like they never made college?
    do the Palins have something against college?

    • RedneckMuslin

      Well, yeah, she's been one of the leaders of the War on Education the last few years.

    • flamingpdog

      WTF, Sarah loves college. So much so that she attended five them all by herself.

  • HelmutNewton

    It's like the beginning of the movie "Idiocracy"!

    • Nothingisamiss

      EXACTLY. That documentary was incredible, btw.

  • WIDTAP

    Who says three women can't make a baby in 3 months?

  • jakegittes

    They could have named her "Twitta." An acknowledgment of the mother's contribution, a tip o' the hat to Gramma's favorite mode of communication, with just a hint at the IQ level of Palin family members as a group.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      How about Quitta?

  • Neoyorquino

    We're witnessing an historical moment here folks, for the history books of the future will note that Kyla Grace is the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother of President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. Too bad no one will know how to read them.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, at the rate they are breading, Palins will soon come to dominate the Alaska Wilderness.

    Maybe we should allow hunting from helicopters?

    • DahBoner

      Thinning the herds before winter prevents unnecessary winter kill due to harsh weather and decreased food levels.

    • flamingpdog

      I hear the Palins are lot tastier when they're breaded. I wanna be the one to throw them in the pot of bubbling Crisco.

      • PristinePantalones

        Great minds think alike? Small minds seldom differ?

  • Neilist_Returns

    You Liberal Communist Pinko SKUM have no idea of the needs and requirements of "frontier living."

    Imagine that it has been a hard winter,and you have nothing in the larder. A staving neighboring frontiersMAN shows up on your doorstep, and you have NO BACON OR SAUSAGE to go with those groatcakes smothered in 30 Weight, the Traditional Meal Of Hospitality in the Great Frozen North.

    What's a host to do?

    But then, your eye falls on crawling little Kyla . . . .

    Neilist
    Upstairs, Helping The Servants Make The Beds Again

    P.S. Ted Nugent likes his hickory smoked.

    • mumbly_joe

      Well, if we can get the poors to that instead of buying groceries, they can afford their medicine.

      It's a blessing!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I used to love "Swift's Premium" sausages — somehow I never made the connection.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Sure sounds more palatable than "Soylent Green."

    • PristinePantalones

      Ted Nugent will just have to smoke his own, then. I don't believe there's anyone but pasty RWNJs who would offer to do that for him.

  • owhatever

    Has little Trig knocked up any Alaska babe yet?

  • Redhead

    Well, meth-babies DO tend to be born prematurely…

    But if they had any sense, Britta and TrackityTripperRoo would have named the baby Ret@rd – that way, under Sarah's own rules, Sarah would not be able to publicly say that baby's name or use that poor baby in any of her "campaign speeches"/desperate scrambles for attention and money.

    • PristinePantalones

      Since neither adult of this charming family posseses a job, an education, or anything resembling marketing skills, they're best off letting Mama Grifty do her thang to keep them in swill.

  • Nixon_So_Fine

    What's that German word for how this makes me feel?…emm…Oh right…"UPFISTS FOR EVERYONE!"

  • HelloDollyIV

    absinthe – abstinence . . . there's a difference?

  • Guppy06

    Who's mommy's little Permanent Fund check?

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    The baby is a Palin, so must have been born pregnant or something. Sarah Palin™ will be a great-grand-mother* by this time next year.
    _________________________
    * by custom only. she is neither "great" nor "grand" nor — it's plain to see — much of a "mother". Where is her youngest cub these days?

  • comrad_darkness

    Family Values = Fuck like horny rabbits and claim Jesus superiority.

  • mourningnmerica

    Shoulda used a filter.

  • mourningnmerica

    Willow is at least 15. Please discuss.

    • flamingpdog

      All of them, Katie.

    • Rotundo_

      Roses are red
      And ready for plucking,
      Willow's 15 and ready for
      High School!

  • AlaskaGrrl

    My guess for a name was "Trick".

  • JimNauseam

    Poor Tripp … only 3 years old and already a washed-up ex-prop.

  • lochnessmonster

    Maybe the blushing brides parents aren't as crazy as th Palin clan and taught her better OR maybe she graduated HS???

  • Rotundo_

    I'm just so happy that they gave the kid a nice normal name. I'm thinking that mom might be a bit more together than the Palin side of the equation. So long as the little one doesn't become a prop for Grandmama, she stands a fair chance of having as normal a life as anyone up in that permafrost encrusted hellhole can have. Good luck Kyla, many people have pathological grannies, try to avoid yours…

  • petehammer

    I guess we now know who was behind this infamous Yahoo! Answers question:
    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080

  • rocktonsam

    those people don't play scrabble.

    cripes

  • ttommyunger

    I say cut the kids some slack. The first one can come any time, the ones after that take nine months. Oh, and stand by for Rick Perry's double announcement: his candidacy and naming the Snowbilly Grifter as his running mate. I've been preaching this ever since I spotted them eye-fucking each other at Grampa Walnut's Campaign Events.

  • Limeylizzie
  • PrimlyStable

    Three months is the average gestation period for a pig.

  • Negropolis

    I, for one, was hoping that they would name it "Trapp" if it was a boy, and "Trixx" or "Clapp" if it was a girl.

  • user-of-owls

    It takes a girl being passed around a village to make a chile' this quick.

  • magginkat

    Another of those premature babies weighing in at 8 lbs 3 oz or more??

  • bun-bun

    Congratulations to Track
    the twelve-gauge groom.

  • PuglyDoRight

    Britta? Was she named after the water filter?