NATION OF WHINERS  11:00 pm August 8, 2011

Rick Santorum Has Ideas About Making Healthcare Affordable

by Blair Burke

Hey all you whiny freeloading libruls, did you know that your health care costs are actually probably quite reasonable? This is our BREAKING NEWS brought to us by that yucky Rick Santorum, whose vast knowledge of Real America has led him to this incredible breakthrough: Cancer patients and other sick people, stop complaining about all your health care costs and just be happy you can pay someone to keep you alive, and also cancel your cell phones, because if you can afford a phone, you are not poor enough to complain about health care, the end.

During a meeting with the editorial board of the Des Moines Register on Friday, Rick Santorum said that people who can’t afford health care should stop whining about the high costs of medical treatments and medications and spend less on non essentials. Answering a question about the uninsured, Santorum explained that health care, like a car, is a luxury resource that is rationed by society and recalled the story of a woman who said she was spending $200 a month on life-saving prescriptions. Santorum told her to stop complaining and instead lower her cable and cell phone bills:

“I had a woman the other day who came up and complained to me that she has to pay $200 a month for her prescriptions…I said, in other words, this $200 a month keeps you alive, she goes yes. I said, and you’re complaining that you’re paying $200 a month and it keeps you alive? What’s your cable bill? I mean, what’s your cell phone bill? Because she had a cell phone. And how can you say that you complain that you have $200 to keep you alive and that’s a problem? No, that’s a blessing!”

So while you are sick and dying, be sure to cancel your phone plan and television so you can spend your time in bed, thanking God and Rick Santorum for the opportunity to pay an excessive amount of money to lie around in a room with no television and no phone. [ThinkProgress]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 169 comments }

bagofmice August 8, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Obviously the best way to ensure your employer based medical coverage is exemplary is to cut off your access to your employer and health care provider. Duh.

Pragmatist2 August 8, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Do his ideas have anything to do with froth and lube?

boobookitteh August 8, 2011 at 11:19 pm

No. But plenty to do with fecal matter.

FlipOffResearch August 8, 2011 at 11:30 pm

There has got to be a Republican somewhere named Felcher. I would love to see bumper stickers that say "Santorum Felcher 2012".

BarackMyWorld August 8, 2011 at 11:22 pm

So…Santorum, as a former U.S., probably has terribly high health care expenses, right? Or do they get to keep their federal health insurance along with the huge lifetime retirement package he gets for a job he only held for 12 years?

V572 Coif of Destiny August 9, 2011 at 12:54 am

Well of course they do. Who do you think writes the laws?

"Along with earning salaries, senators receive retirement and health benefits that are identical to other federal employees, and are fully vested after five years of service. Senators are covered by the Federal Employees Retirement System (FERS) or Civil Service Retirement System (CSRS). As it is for federal employees, congressional retirement is funded through taxes and the participants' contributions. Under FERS, senators contribute 1.3% of their salary into the FERS retirement plan and pay 6.2% of their salary in Social Security taxes. The amount of a senator's pension depends on the years of service and the average of the highest 3 years of their salary. The starting amount of a senator's retirement annuity may not exceed 80% of their final salary. In 2006, the average annual pension for retired senators and representatives under CSRS was $60,972, while those who retired under FERS, or in combination with CSRS, was $35,952."

Truth to tell this isn't that lavish, except for the guaranteed coverage for "pre-existing conditions" that isn't available to ordinary mortals. That's why they all have to go to work as lobbyists, the poor guys.

catchtheflava August 9, 2011 at 8:09 am

OH. MY. GOD.

And some group of assholes named the DoD Business Board want to kill the 20 year pension in the military and replace it with a 401K, effective immediately.

And teachers in NYC (where I live, and what I'd like to do if anybody will hire me ever) contribute nearly 14% to their pensions. They used to contribute 3% back in the 1970s but that wasn't enough given the rate of return.

And all I hear about is the unsustainable nature of pension costs.

But nobody brings up the benefits these dudes (and some dudettes) rake in as they bring the world economy to the brink?

Nothingisamiss August 9, 2011 at 8:50 am

Truth to tell, if you get a retirement plan after only 5 years of service, it is lavish.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 9, 2011 at 9:29 am

“Fully vested” only means that the employer’s contribution is entirely yours when you leave, and this is the same deal as most 401(k)s and the few remaining pension plans.

archikvetch August 8, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Just think of all the blessings she would receive if she just gave up housing, transportation and food. It's that simple! God damned coddled Social Security Commie whiners.

WhatTheHolyHeck August 9, 2011 at 11:15 am

The poors don't deserve luxuries they can't appreciate.

Lascauxcaveman August 9, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Well, I think Rick's right on this one. Cable TV is so overrated. And so is having a cell phone. And so is life.

BarackMyWorld August 8, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Right to life…but only if you have $200 a month.

Redhead August 9, 2011 at 8:09 am

Nah, that's only for fetuses. Once you're born, you're on your own buster – and one slip up and it's the electric chair for ya!

NorthStarSpanx August 9, 2011 at 11:10 am

This Lower 48 GOP tough talk really doesn't mesh with made-up social safety net programs in the brutal Last Frontier.

Why, in Alaska, Gubernatorial candidate Sarah Palin easily won the senior vote by promising to restore Governor Murkowski's unpopular move to cut the State's Longevity Bonus. A program that pays people lucky enough to live past 65 before 1994 $250 a month.

What, you don't think she won it by just being pretty?

memzilla August 8, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Alan Grayson called this one in 2009.

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 12:33 am

And the media went ape-shit, because he wasn't being "civil" enough. But when a conservative says something grossly inflammatory, we're supposed to consider "both sides" of the issue. Gawd, I hate this country, sometimes.

Chet Kincaid August 9, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I'll give him that one, but beyond that, he has no substance. I saw him on the Ed Show a few weeks ago, and even Ed seemed to be wondering who booked him.

WordPress_Sucks August 9, 2011 at 1:01 pm

His interviews never live up to what I think they should be; good speech maker, but not so fast on his feet.

soojank August 8, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Health care costs would be lower if there were less aborted fetuses, also, right?

(I'm shocked that wasn't Santorum's idea)

bumfug August 8, 2011 at 11:43 pm

If there were a real god, this ignorant bowl of fuck would have inoperable brain worms. Or maybe that's what's wrong with him now.

Papa_Uniform August 8, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Well, he's for sure got worms somewhere, but I wouldn't be betting on the brain.

TX_Bluebonnets August 9, 2011 at 12:24 am

Please, please, please let them be spirochetes!

I went to school when they still talked about sex in sex ed…and scared us with the realities of icky stds.

Google it, people, if you don't remember it.

Kurt Vonnegut had some great comments about its end stage, too.

Angry_Marmot August 9, 2011 at 9:48 am

Being in junior high, we called each other "spirochete" for weeks.

nounverb911 August 8, 2011 at 11:45 pm

How many chickens in exchange for an MRI?

Fukui_sanYesOta August 8, 2011 at 11:59 pm

MRI eh? Static or mobile? You probably want static due to the increased resolution. So, you have building costs including making sure you have floor reinforcement (more if you're in a tectonically active zone or a tornado/hurricane zone), cost of the machine, techs, qualified radiologist to interpret the scan, nurses for patient prep, insurance, liquid nitrogen pre-cooling system to drive the liquid helium generation in order to cool the superconducting magnets with associated daily overhead … hmmm.

Let's say 2.3 x 10^5 chickens given that this is an at-will scan.

Chet Kincaid August 9, 2011 at 12:16 pm

What about KFC coupons?

GhostBuggy August 9, 2011 at 4:17 pm

You're forgetting that when Santorum is president, MRIs and other such sorcery will be outlawed. All medical aid will be given by preacher men, who will have storefronts in every Walmart (or, as they'll be known then, Walmart Residential District #775D or what-have-you).

Fukui_sanYesOta August 8, 2011 at 11:45 pm

This is apparently the candidate for whom everyone should vote in Iowa because apparently "he's the strongest candidate"

I fail to see how canceling a $50/month cellphone contract can offset a $250K four year cancer treatment program. Of course, I'm just some fucking guy with no knowledge of prayer, so what do I know? God might fix it.

Ken Cuccinelli August 9, 2011 at 7:22 am

You won't get more cancer from the cellphone? Dunno.

Sue4466 August 9, 2011 at 9:56 am

You just need less math, more Jesus.

Actually, pretty sure Jesus would tell Santorum to fuck off.

AJWjr. August 9, 2011 at 10:14 am

It's the same math wherein a $50K/yr teacher is living large, but a $250K/yr "job creator" is just eking out a living.

WhatTheHolyHeck August 9, 2011 at 11:13 am

This is unquestionably the man we need in charge of national policy.

I'm really looking forward to his revocation of the 1st and 5th Amendments. Protesting totally wastes productive, company-owned work time that employees are squandering, so it's tantamount to theft; and anyone who refuses to testify at their own trial clearly has something criminal to hide and must be compelled to speak.

nounverb911 August 8, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Since the Santorum children are home schooled, will they continue their education at home all the way through medical school?

TX_Bluebonnets August 9, 2011 at 12:25 am

Does he realize that his dickwax home schooling is costing the schools money? Has he thought that through?

FakaktaSouth August 8, 2011 at 11:54 pm

200 bucks a month is BULLSHIT.

Chemo for my friend and aunt in the last 2 years (who both died anyway) was 16 THOUSAND on their statements (WEEKLY treatments), not what they paid luckily, but what the charge to insurance was. They had variable co-pays and deductibles. One of them worked for Blue Cross Blue Shield and one had "great" private insurance and they both died right around the two year mark with balances due and hundreds of thousands of dollars in totals. A for profit health care system is so completely evil and wrongheaded and sad.

AND Fuck Rick Santorum sideways, he makes my skin crawl. He's a liar and playing political games with something horrible that unfortunately blows up all over millions of people everyday. Shut up.

Ken Cuccinelli August 9, 2011 at 7:25 am

He's a liar and playing political games with something horrible that unfortunately blows up all over millions of people everyday

I'm sorry, I know this is supposed to be serious and all, but I cannot read this sentence referring to Rick Santorum and not think..well, you know…

FakaktaSouth August 9, 2011 at 8:50 am

I love that. I would much rather think about the lighter santorum side than getting cancer anyway. I imagine with cancer it's like Katie Morgan in Zack and Miri Make a Porno, or Danny Glover in Death at a Funeral. Just feels like shit everywhere.
Awesome.

gullywompr August 8, 2011 at 11:55 pm

I've heard this exact same line for the last two years from every bagger I've had the misfortune to communicate with, almost verbatim.

Santorum's running behind.

(OK snarkers, there's your opening.)

(Oops, there's another one).

not that Dewey August 9, 2011 at 10:15 am

Is there any other way for it to run?

DerrickWildcat August 9, 2011 at 12:03 am

Why can't you whining assholes get the cheap kind of cancer?

FakaktaSouth August 9, 2011 at 12:14 am

You know that kind of laughing where you end up going woooooohooooohoooo? That's how I just woke up my husband. Trying to explain to him why cheap cancer is funny is harder than it sounds on its face.
Love.

Doktor Zoom August 9, 2011 at 12:10 am

My ex starts chemo tomorrow; fortunately, her breast cancer was caught very early and the tumor was very small, only requiring a lumpectomy, and her prognosis is excellent. She also has pretty good insurance, as a university professor. Even so, there's no way her deductible and co-pays are going to be as low as $200 a month, and we have a 14 year old son who is smart enough to understand that Mom's prognosis is good, and kid enough to be worried that he's going to freak out when her hair falls out, and that he might disappoint her somehow.

You know, I'm not sure where I was going with this, snarkwise, but I think it had something to do with wishing Rick Santorum would ram a cell phone up his ass sideways.

TX_Bluebonnets August 9, 2011 at 12:28 am

Some libruls pray, Dok, and I'll keep them in mine.

It'll be OK.

Best wishes to all of you.

MLHencken August 9, 2011 at 4:01 am

Amen, and same here.

gullywompr August 9, 2011 at 12:28 am

Our family was in almost exactly the same situation three years ago. My wife is doing well, and the kids got through it without any detectable trauma.

I have no idea who you are outside of this post, but my heart is with you, brother. Much love to your ex and your family, I think it's likely to work out well.

As for Santorum, take solace in the fact that never again will he ever be an elected official. Hopefully the LSM will drop him after he gets ignored in Iowa.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 9, 2011 at 12:57 am

Good luck to your ex. Mine went through it too.

Doktor Zoom August 9, 2011 at 1:12 am

Thanks for the support, guys; I really thought I was building up to some snark aimed at Santorum, but he's not worth it. The perverse thing in all this is that in a sick way, it's "lucky" that she's the one with a major illness, since I'm unemployed and uninsured. If I get something bad, I'm sunk, though I guess in the case of something truly horrible I would eventually be sick / poor enough for Medicaid.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 9, 2011 at 1:56 am

Some things are beyond snark. Good luck to your ex.

Personally I've seen far more than is comfortable to see of cancer and know how truly horrific it can be. Here's hoping that none here nor our loved ones see any more of it.

Santorum can … well. We all know what he can do.

Redhead August 9, 2011 at 8:06 am

Along that same vein ("lucky" in a weird way), if she had to get cancer, breast cancer is not a bad one to get. It's typically caught much earlier than some cancers, and doctors tend to know more about how to treat it. I've known a few people who got it, and while no cancer is a picnic… well, hoping it goes as well as possible for her (and thinking it probably will).

As for Santorum…. meh. If there were a God, the people I know who've had breast cancer (and possibly your ex – though I don't know her) wouldn't have gotten it, and he would have gotten it at the same time as 10 other types of cancer.

Nothingisamiss August 9, 2011 at 9:10 am

Very much with you Dok. No snark, and full heart for you.

not that Dewey August 9, 2011 at 10:28 am

Hugs, Dok.

And adding to what Redhead was saying, breast cancer is also one of the cancers that's not considered "self-inflicted", so there tends to be much more public demand for a cure, and public demand has been keeping the research $$ flowing and the pressure on the insurance companies to pay for the treatments.

It sounds like your kid is being very brave about this, too. Hug to him/her, as well.

AJWjr. August 9, 2011 at 10:30 am

..since I'm unemployed and uninsured. .
'splains why you're her ex, no?

imissopus August 9, 2011 at 2:02 am

An early-80s cell phone. One with a cord that went to a portable base that you lugged around like a valise.

And good luck to your ex too.

emmelemm August 9, 2011 at 2:43 am

This is so awful. My thoughts are with her and your son.

A good friend of mine is in just the same situation. Just diagnosed, lumpectomy, prospects good, about to start chemo. She has "decent" insurance, but she has two part-time (more like 3/4 time) jobs that don't pay very well. Her husband currently has a steady job with a decent (but by no means large) income… but he works at a newspaper. Which could abruptly go belly-up without warning. So, as much as I'm worried about her pulling through, I'm also worried about their financial situation. They don't have a lot of spare money, and this isn't what they need.

Making it worse, we had a mutual friend who died of breast cancer about three-ish years ago. At 30 years old. That was tough, and she battled it hard, for five years. I really, really, really hate cancer.

Do I hate cancer more or less than I hate Santorum? That's a tough one. Cancer's actually had more effect on me personally. But cancer's just being cancer, you know? It's just mutant alien cells, reproducing, as they're instinctually programmed to do. Santorum makes the conscious choice to be evil, every day. Hmmm… a question for the ages.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 9, 2011 at 2:58 am

Cancer is kinda indiscriminate and can strike virtually anyone. Sure, there are risk factors, but it can strike pretty much anyone anytime.

Santorum is a directed evil. He should be stopped for the good of humanity before he metastasizes into … wait, who am I kidding. That warm, moist froth will never get near the Presidency. However, he should be stopped for the betterment of all.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 9, 2011 at 3:03 am

Gosh, I'm going further with that analogy.

Santorum is the initial cell which refuses apoptosis and spatters anything near him with diseased ideas which then multiply. Considering society as the organism above the individual cell would indicate immediate excise.

This could be the diagnosis of most of the Republican field.

Barrelhse August 9, 2011 at 8:57 am

You mean he's Hep C and we're the liver?

James Michael Curley August 9, 2011 at 6:10 am

Preferrably a 1986 Radio Shack cell (portable) phone, with the antenna extended.

Barrelhse August 9, 2011 at 8:56 am

Best wishes to all of you, I'm happy to hear the prognosis is so good.
As for Santorum, make it a phone-booth instead of a cell phone and I'm with you.

MissusBarry August 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

Sincere well wishes for your ex's recovery and all of your emotional health.

As for things Rick can ram up his ass sideways, I'm feeling the love for those gigantic logs dudes in kilts have contests with at highlander games.

fuflans August 9, 2011 at 10:59 am

many socialist wishes for a speedy recovery and good health.

Extemporanus August 9, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I realize that you're probably still in a bit of shock, Dok, but don't you think you're maybe being a tad bit melodramatic?

Flushy—may God rest his bowl—was a fish, my friend. A fish. Imagining him a small tumor unceremoniously snatched from your ex-wife's radioactive bosom is not going to make this tragic loss any easier for you or your young son to bear.

If it helps, please know that my mom was forced to flush two big Bettas exactly ten years ago last May ("Happy Mother's Day!"), and though there were indeed some pretty tough times along the way, she's now healthier and happier than ever. Just be there for each other—no matter what or how hard—and I've little doubt that one day you'll all be able to say the same.

(Unless I have this whole fucking thing totally bass-ackwards, and "Flushy" was actually your pet name for one of her tits, in which case what the fuck, man?!
I mean, seriously dude, that there's some pretty twisted shit, and you should be utterly ashamed of yourself for even thinking of it, let alone daring to share it with the group, you fucking sicko.

Sheesh…)

Doktor Zoom August 9, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Yeah, I know, my life is full of drama. The fish and my ex are, however, separate entities, unless my life is actually a Terry Gilliam movie (A Tumor Called Wanda?), in which case all bets are off.

And in fact, I just got back from dropping my kiddo off at the ex's place; the first chemo session went well, and she and the boy are going to play that Scrabble game that she promised him. Tomorrow, she's going to get a super-short Judy Dench / Jamie Lee Curtis haircut, so's she'll have less of a mess to deal with once it starts falling out. And then the boy is with me this coming weekend, so he shouldn't be around should the nausea start to hit her.

And there is also a development on the fish front–I took the kiddo fish shopping this morning, and we brought home a lovely red crowntail betta. Kiddo rejected my suggested name (Flushy 2: Electric Boogaloo), and so after thorough consideration, we appear to have settled on calling the new critter Darth Betta, Dark Lord of the Fish.

Extemporanus August 9, 2011 at 9:56 pm

"Hellooo, K-K-K-Ken's t-t-t-tumor!"

I'm heartened to read your reply, and warmly reminded of my own mother/son post-chemo bonding time spent playing countless games of no holds barred, scorched earth Monopoly. That kind of medicine is incomparably important.

Kudos on kiddo's new roomie, too. Absolutely stellar name, and one that puts those of my three long gone Bettas–Max, Alpha, and Mastah–to shame.

May the Fish be with you…

Guppy06 August 9, 2011 at 12:17 am

Someone should point out to the devout Catholic that condoms are cheaper than kids (and AIDS treatments).

Schmannnity August 9, 2011 at 12:18 am

For Reagan, it was welfare queens. For Santorum, it's chemo queens.

Troubledog August 9, 2011 at 12:23 am

You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

TX_Bluebonnets August 9, 2011 at 12:33 am

Zebby, my long lost brother!

Have the scabs fallen off yet?

trampndirtdown August 9, 2011 at 12:48 am

A crust of bread a day?…. you lucky bastards we used to have to look at a photo of a hobo bean and we were glad to have that!

Biel_ze_Bubba August 9, 2011 at 1:08 am

Your family had a belt? Bunch of freakin' Rockefellers!

FlownOver August 9, 2011 at 1:28 am

Luxury!

Angry_Marmot August 9, 2011 at 9:52 am

You tell the young people that, and they won't believe you.

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 12:23 am

I, for one and for once, welcome or Faith Healing overlords. I wonder what this guy's health plan is like having served in Congress, and all?

NorthStarSpanx August 9, 2011 at 11:17 am

With all this steel backbone he's demonstrating against the sick, what was his stance on Terri Shiavo again?

Oh yeah, tried to use CONGRESS to tell the courts to reinsert her feeding tube. Made great political theater going down to visit her death-bed.

"I stood up for what I believe was right in defending a disabled person from being executed."

But a woman with a functional brain struggling to keep up with $24,000 in life saving pills a year is a whiny self-indulgent cry baby.

Troubledog August 9, 2011 at 12:24 am

Also I love the symmetry of getting cancer from your cellphone that is a luxury item. I hope that is happening a lot.

flamingpdog August 9, 2011 at 12:28 am

"Santorum explained that health care, like a car, is a luxury resource that is rationed by society…"

No snark, I just about put my fist through the luxury that is my computer monitor on that one. A frothy mixture of feces and lube is too NICE a description for this total, total piece of unadulterated syphlitic wombat shit! I thought Darth Cheney was a soulless socipathic monster, but this greasy bowl of porcupine ejaculate makes Cheney look like Albert Schweitzer. Sarah and Michelle, as moronic and batshit crazy as they are, are at least good for a few laughs. I can't find any snark in my soul for this rancid pumpkin fart. If I could go back in time, I'd go back to September 10, 2001, find him, hit him over the head with a rusty cattle prod, dump him in the trunk of my car, drive up to NYC, haul his sorry ass up the elevator, open up a window near the top floor, duct tape his eyes open,and nail him to the side of the tower that the first hijacked airplane hit the next morning. And that would still be too good for him!

TX_Bluebonnets August 9, 2011 at 12:34 am

But how do you REALLY feel?

Fukui_sanYesOta August 9, 2011 at 2:05 am

I thought he was holding back too. Santorum deserves worse than that.

imissopus August 9, 2011 at 2:04 am

You had me at "greasy bowl of porcupine ejaculate." Kudos on your wordplay, sir or madam.

emmelemm August 9, 2011 at 2:45 am

I know, right? That was golden.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 12:16 pm

It seemed to be more of an "off white".

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 9:04 am

Anyway, I thought rationed care was a result of ACA/"Obamacare", not health-care as it existed, munificiently, in the pre-Obama age.

What's this about rationing care, then, Ricky?

Nothingisamiss August 9, 2011 at 9:06 am

Complete poetry. A thousand pee points. A comment of the day. A light in a dark world.

TX_Bluebonnets August 9, 2011 at 12:31 am

You know, a couple of times a year, talented solo practitioner attorneys down where I live die of cancer. Many of us are uninsured, the state bar insurance being laughable overpriced versus the chickens and promises we are paid in.

Recently, I went to a benefit for another one, whose chemo will be $22,000 a month.

I would like Rick to, just for one moment, feel what it is like to watch the life draining out of you, feeling yourself grow weaker daily, and knowing the tragedy that is only beginning for the rest of your family.

Maybe he'd give a rats ass about the living then, instead of the prospective humans he seems to love to the exclusion of the quickened.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 9, 2011 at 1:14 am

Ah yes, the $22,000 retail price charged to the uninsured. The price charged to an insurance company, if you're well-off enough to have one, is closer to $2,000. That's the free market system, so much loved by insured libertardians.

fartknocker August 9, 2011 at 5:32 am

Rick doesn't care. That is the part that the rest of America doesn't get. Rick Perry is nothing more than President of the Mall of America. The rest of us are just candidates to be thrown under his bus.

Pardon my speech but he's nothing more than a pandering goat fucker.

Barrelhse August 9, 2011 at 8:59 am

Shit has no feelings.

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 12:42 am

Marie Antoinette cared more about the welfare of the poor than these fuckers. Honestly, the modern-day GOP is composed of little else than halfway presentable (and not even that, most f the time) sociopaths. Compassionate conservatives, my ass. But, still, all you have to do is yell "gay marriage!", "abortion!" "black & browns!" at their constituents and their mouths instantly start watering.

That's one thing I hate about being liberal: you actually have to convince people of your points. It's so much more difficult than what conservatives have to do to turnout their voters.

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 1:02 am

Indeed, no Republican would dare suggest that poor people ought to have any cake, even as a joke.

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 1:29 am

'Cause, after all, something as fancy and satisfying as cake is only for the "job creators". Bunch a damned cake Nazis is what they are.

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 1:50 am

They better not be using food stamps to buy that cake! Food stamps should only buy water. (They can get day-old bread from their local church, if they get there early, while they thank God for letting them live in the greatest, most generous and prosperous nation on Earth, where they have the freedom to live the way they want.)

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Yet they think freegans are dirty dirty hippies. They usually are, but that's the sort of thing that happens when your societal worldview is summarized by the phrase "fuck off, this stuff is mine". Very Christian, that.

AJWjr. August 9, 2011 at 10:44 am

Yeah–as long as their candidate pisses off libruls, they must be on to something.

fuflans August 9, 2011 at 11:00 am

i don't think they pretend to be 'compassionate' anymore.

Callyson August 9, 2011 at 12:48 am

“I had a Republican the other day who came up and complained to me that she has to pay for taxes…I said, in other words, these taxes pay for your roads, police and fire protection, they educate your children and future employees…and you’re complaining that you’re paying taxes and they maintain a civilized society? I mean, what are your political contributions? Because this Republican made political contributions. And how can you say that you complain that you have taxes to maintain civilization and that’s a problem? No, that’s a blessing!”
/fixed

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 12:58 am

10,000 thumbs ups.

BarackMyWorld August 9, 2011 at 2:40 am

Word.

drrty_martini August 9, 2011 at 12:50 am

Christians are awesome! Where do I convert?

Callyson August 9, 2011 at 12:51 am

Or:
“I had a fetus the other day who came up and complained to me that her (unemployed) mommy and daddy have to pay $200 a month for her prenatal care…I said, in other words, this $200 a month keeps you alive, she goes yes. I said, and you’re complaining that you’re paying $200 a month and it keeps you alive? What’s your mommy and daddy's utility bill? Huh? I mean, why should a pregnant woman have air conditioning in 90+ degree weather? I mean, what’s their cell phone bill? Because they had a cell phone…and why would job-seekers need a phone? And how can you say that you complain that your mommy and daddy have to spend $200 that they do not have to keep you alive and that’s a problem? No, that’s a blessing!”

JustPixelz August 9, 2011 at 10:30 am

I call bullshit. The reason Santorum (the man, not the substance) likes fetuses is that they don't complain. Like 19th century women, they just keep quiet and know their place.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 12:30 pm

'Zactly. Those soft-skulled little damp wimps haven't even cut the cord, redistributing nutritional wealth through the placenta! These infantile leeches, suckling off of the teat of big mother need to learn how to work and provide for themselves.

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 12:55 am

I see the GOP has stopped trying to fool moderates with that "compassionate conservatism" BS. That either means they are overconfident from their unrepresentative mid-term House victories, or the moderates have stopped voting altogether.

SorosBot August 9, 2011 at 9:42 am

Or they figure that enough states have re-introduced poll taxes to prevent black people from voting enacted voter ID laws to prevent imaginary voter fraud that the fix is in.

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 10:00 am

Good point. Poor people are well known for their sophisticated voter fraud schemes.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 9, 2011 at 12:58 am

Wouldn't wish cancer on anyone but could give serious consideration to an exception in this case.

Barrelhse August 9, 2011 at 9:04 am

I chose lung cancer. Having tried it, I would not hesitate to recommend it for Rick.

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 12:34 pm

You wouldn't shoot for the colon?

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 1:10 am

What’s your cable bill? I mean, what’s your cell phone bill? Because she had a cell phone.

Holy shit! She had a telephone?! Such outrageous luxury! Why, I'll bet she had a car and clothing as well! In fact, why was she even away from her job to ask him questions?! Goddamned lazy poor people sucking off the taxpayers instead of being self-sufficient, productive citizens like Rick Santorum.

mumbly_joe August 9, 2011 at 7:40 am

I'll bet the lazy bitch even has an oven, and a stove. Goddamn welfare queens, living in luxury, and always looking for a handout.

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 7:56 am

What, with their indoor plumbing and hot water and space heaters and fans. Parasites, the whole damned lot of 'em.

SorosBot August 9, 2011 at 9:37 am

It's one of the ways the GOP proves that they are both truly despicable and completely out-of-touch with the real world, that they think poor people having certain cheap basic necessities somehow makes them not poor. Fuck these people hard with an ice pick.

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 10:06 am

Do poor people really need freezers? You're not really poor if you can afford to store food away for days.

gullywompr August 9, 2011 at 1:20 am

Santorum's stance on public health care sponges would be a lot more credible if he hadn't grown up as the son of a Veteran's Administration employee who lived in government-provided housing of the VA hospital, and then as an adult was himself a government employee with taxpayer-provided healthcare insurance. He is quite literally the beneficiary of government healthcare insurance in a spectacular way, a way that almost nobody else in the entire country ever will be.

Also, he's a douche.

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 1:40 am

And now he works in D.C. helping businesses leverage as much money out of the government as they can, and he's running for yet another government job.

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 1:30 am

I'm familiar with the Des Moines Register's editorial leanings. I can only assume the eye-rolling reached health-threatening levels in that room.

KenLayIsAlive August 9, 2011 at 1:42 am

What a piece of shit.

LetUsBray August 9, 2011 at 1:47 am

Normally here's where I'd say, I hope that prick is never destitute and facing a deathly illness. But who am I kidding? That's exactly what I hope for this frothy sack of fecal matter. I hope his manifestly traumatized family has a nice big jar picked out to put him in.

imissopus August 9, 2011 at 1:53 am

Let them eat rollover minutes!

bagofmice August 9, 2011 at 12:37 pm

People still charge by the minute, instead of by gigabyte? Weird.

mavenmaven August 9, 2011 at 1:54 am

This same idiotic approach to health care is exactly their best idea about the economy. Stupid f@#$ers.
Particularly since their major achievement in the 8 years of Bush was to destroy the NIH, drive new drug development and clinical trials (where patients often can access new therapy for free) overseas, and lead to the shut down of many labs across the country. And they are so eager to do it again!
Dumbass f@#$ers.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 9, 2011 at 2:08 am

Pete Hoekstra just tweeted "Fuck it. Even I can't beat this fool."

MLHencken August 9, 2011 at 4:10 am

Santorum acts like his namesake (thank you Dan Savage).

In other news, water is wet.

Rarian Rakista August 9, 2011 at 5:19 am

At some point we have to stop laughing about this shit and do something.

BILLY MAYS HERE: WONKETTERS TRANSFORM, SHAPE OF HOLY SNARK:

Second major American Constitutional Convention possible.
http://www.conconcon.org/

Come here a minute August 9, 2011 at 5:38 am

Santorum should have reminded this woman she can pay for her cell phone with campaign funds. Two hundred dollars may be a lot to her, but not to her wealthy donors!

AJWjr. August 9, 2011 at 10:56 am

Even better, form a SuperPAC! Totally legal to pay for communications, travel, lodging, etc. Thanks, Citizens United!

James Michael Curley August 9, 2011 at 6:15 am

I got up this morning hating all politics, government, the economy and the guy who lets his dog piss on my hydrangias.
After reading Wonkette, my faith in Republicans doing something incredibly stupid has been renewed and now I only hate Republicans and the guy who lets his dog piss on my hydrangias; whther he is a Republican or not.

Mapmonger August 9, 2011 at 6:54 am

What a horrible, horrible person.

If there was a just god, moving and active in the world today, Rick Santorum would be boiling with cancer.

Oh well.

Barb August 9, 2011 at 6:54 am

I'm holding yesterday's dental bill and $84.00 of it is New Mexico sales tax. Sales tax is for when you buy that kicky little beret and not when the dentist is trying to remove your soul through your teeth.

AJWjr. August 9, 2011 at 11:00 am

No shit, they tax that in NM? Maybe I'll rethink retiring to my land between Deming and Columbus. Or get pre-emptive dentures before I move.

sparecake August 9, 2011 at 7:30 am

I pay ~$800 a month for prescriptions, I better stop wasting money on luxuries like rent and food, and just be glad to be alive, in my fridge box on the sidewalk.

mumbly_joe August 9, 2011 at 7:32 am

Of course, not only have cell phones ceased to be a luxury item in like 2005 or such, but a lot of people own cell phones because they're exceptionally poor, not exceptionally rich. One line on a friends and family-style plan is going to run something like 1/2 to 1/3 the cost of a land line+dsl. This is why so many poor urban teens will own nothing else, except a fancy cell phone: it constitutes the totality of their internet access.

To know this, though, you'd have to actually know people who are poor, and also not be a venomous asshole.

Oh, also, I can think of at least three reasons why somebody with critical health issues who has trouble affording an extra $200 in prescriptions might need to be reachable when they're outside the home, but that might just be by dint of the fact that I work at a hospital and spend a lot of time calling patients about appointments, frequently on short notice.

Redhead August 9, 2011 at 7:57 am

I wish I could upfist you more than once! (Not to mention needing to be reachable/able to reach other people while they're IN the home, in case of those pesky medical emergencies…)

mumbly_joe August 9, 2011 at 7:38 am

This seems as good a time as any to remind people of a recent other Santorum headline on our Wonkete.

So, Ricky's perspective on having a net worth of a million dollars and running for preznit is,

“I’ll be honest with you, it is incredibly stressful,” Santorum said, describing how hard it is to be away from his wife and seven children. “I’m not a wealthy man. It’s hard financially, carrying this off.

I'm betting Frothy Mix has a cell phone, doesn't he? What's his cable bill? What's his phone bill? I'm sure he could make it work if he really wanted; after all, unlike that lady with her medical bills, Frothy Mix has a net worth of a million dollars.\

Resolved: The one fundamental character trait of the Conservative personality is rank, abject narcissism.

littlebigdaddy August 9, 2011 at 11:55 am

Would a bag of salted rat dicks be a luxury? Cuz I'm hoping he has one.

Redhead August 9, 2011 at 7:56 am

And don't forget, when you're laying in bed sick and dying, to pray to God to send Santorum to your door when you have a medical emergency, since you've cancelled your cell phone plan and have no way of calling relatives or friends or 911.

neiltheblaze August 9, 2011 at 7:57 am

This man is so intellectually bereft that it's tempting to simply dismiss him as a clueless anvil head. But then he says something as breathtakingly hateful as this, and you realize he's a sociopathic monster too.

Happily, this man is getting nowhere near the levers of power. I just wish we could strip him of his health insurance – just so he'd have to give up his cell phone to offset his medical bills. I can no longer describe how much I hate these people.

KenLayIsAlive August 9, 2011 at 8:15 am

"And Jesus laid his hands upon the leper and said, you are healed.

That'll be two hundred shekels."

GlowneyHouse August 9, 2011 at 12:44 pm

"and the leper replied "But Lord, I am but a beggar. I have no money"

And the Lord replied "Bullshit. You can get it. I mean, look at you. You have shoes, although they are not as nice as mine. Sell 'em. I'm not in this for nothing, y'know. I have a right to profit."

KenLayIsAlive August 9, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Blessed be the lord, for he hath screamed "bullshit" at the poor.

Nothingisamiss August 9, 2011 at 8:56 am

Just….so fuck these people. This is how this guy truly thinks. This is how these monsters truly, truly think. Fucking fucks who will never (thanks to taxpayer financed health insurance) have to think about this.

Fucking FUCK THEM. Do they EVEN FUCKING HAVE AN IDEA of what a chronic illness is? How 'bouts one that costs hundreds/month to not die? Mr. Amiss is alive, taxpaying and a wonderful bonus to society BUT WE PAYING A FUCKING SHITLOAD OF MONIES TO KEEP THIS TRUE.

Fucking, fucking, fucking Santorum and all frothy mixtures of republicans.

Barrelhse August 9, 2011 at 9:10 am

In other news,
GO WISCONSIN!!!

fuflans August 9, 2011 at 11:05 am

yes!!

we spent sun making calls while driving back home from canada.

Barrelhse August 9, 2011 at 9:27 am

GOP- the party of misery, greed, and hate as promulgated by Jesus Christ Almighty.

johnnyzhivago August 9, 2011 at 9:27 am

He can just forget about those big donations from Verizon and AT&T!

bureaucrap August 9, 2011 at 9:30 am

It looks like the 2012 Repulsican primaries are going to be a contest of who can out- scrooge the others. Next stop: Bachmann suggests the Death penalty for anyone who's been unemployed two months or more. You heard it here first.

bureaucrap August 9, 2011 at 9:34 am

Health Care is now like other high end goods: If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it.

SorosBot August 9, 2011 at 9:39 am

Quite frankly, the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that results from anal sex should be pissed at Dan Savage for associating it with someone as vile and disgusting as Rick.

Guppy06 August 9, 2011 at 9:44 am

If she doesn't pay $200/mo, she dies. Now, if this is a "luxury," that means she can choose not to pay it and choose to die, which to me sounds a lot like suicide.

I thought Catholics had strong opinions on suicide.

Of course, they also have strong opinions on capital punishment, but that's never stopped anyone from giving Bobby Jindal communion.

Ducksworthy August 9, 2011 at 10:12 am

Also. STFU about your health care costs. Where do you think you are? In some civilized country?

hagajim August 9, 2011 at 10:15 am

As I understand it, it only costs about 30 cents to clean up the Santorum once you are done…however the rectal bleeding, that takes something more.

Naked_Bunny August 9, 2011 at 10:15 am

Santorum probably thinks that we backward Iowans consider fancy cell phones and cable TV elitist luxuries rather than basically the only things to do here.

starfanglednut August 9, 2011 at 11:46 am

Frothy mixture is frothing at the mouth, again.

ArmoredLibunatic August 9, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I think I threw up a little bit. And by "a little bit" I mean "all my guts out, all over the place, somebody go get a mop."

PubOption August 9, 2011 at 3:50 pm

So today health care is a luxury resource, that is rationed by society. Two years ago health care rationing was something evil, not to mention socialist, that would come about from a government take-over of medicine. Sounds like Ricky has given up on the presidency, and is campaigning for a seat on one of the death panels!

Thedongsofwar August 9, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Santorum does not want you to know the cure to what ails you is a frothy mix of cum, poop, and lube.

AntonovBureau August 9, 2011 at 6:28 pm

The free market should decide where indentured servants should spend their wages on. Personally I would go for things which support those bad Mexican cartels Jan Brewer is so scared of.

ttommyunger August 9, 2011 at 7:14 pm

I am convinced Little Ricky believes in the "rightness" of his positions. He is a member of the enlightened few. The masses are the "lost" and are subhuman. If they were worthy, like himself, they would not be in the dire straits they find themselves in. No, he is just a delusional prick with no real life experience. Should he find himself on really hard times, he would in no way know how to begin to cope. I almost feel sorry for the little cocksucker.

BZ1 August 11, 2011 at 8:37 am

Santorum is…. (just see above…)

FakaktaSouth August 9, 2011 at 1:45 am

I hate all of it. I think it is a huge racket that one day future generations (that haven't died of cancer already) will look back on with horror and/or wild curiosity. I agree with the "making it worse" proposition as well.
I believe a lot of the diet-cancer connections, treatments, causes, and on and on also though, so I am probably a looney to most people. But I still like that better than the idea of pouring nuclear material into a "port" or "hole" below my collar bone every Thursday too.

not that Dewey August 9, 2011 at 9:09 am

When we watched my much beloved stepmother die a few years back, I had a slight awakening on this topic, too. It seemed that they were trying to sell us immortality for her, when each of us — her children, my father, me — realized individually and rationally that no such thing was salable. When they get us in a room together, and start telling us that "we could keep her alive for another month for the low, low price of 10s of thousands of dollars", however, our individual and rational positions are supplanted by the conventional "wisdom" that we would be heartless bastards if we denied her the treatment. What is actually heartless, as you mentioned, is the idea of cowing a bunch of grieving people into buying a chimera, and then convincing us that we'd done the noble thing.

Fuck the immortality industry.

Radiotherapy® August 9, 2011 at 2:38 am

I've been onto this fraud of epic proportions for the last 30 years. A lonely quixotic quest against moneyed interests and — much more importantly — poignancy. It's analagous to "the troops." The cancer doctors and their minions sell "hope" and "don't you want to live" only to poison them with toxins.
I have to commend you on your insight as to the future of this charade. Remember, at one time, there were experts on leeches, Harvard professors who knew which leech to use and how long to keep them on and selling the efficacy of their useless, destructive treatments. Some day we will look back at radiation and chemo in the same disbelief.

Radiotherapy® August 9, 2011 at 5:00 am

Hey, this is hardly an argument. I appreciate your response. I even had apprehension about posting my original response to Fakakta — imagine when I have to explain these difficult concepts to family members. And here in the states, beyond a doubt, radiation oncologists, and to a lesser degree, oncologists, profiteer off the fear and poignancy aspect of cancer treatment.
As I mentioned, I have studied this topic for 30 years. And yes, you are right for certain well-differentiated tumors, eg, leukemia, childhood cancers, testicular (Lance Armstrong), chemo does improve survivability. But those are less than 5% of all cancers. And, these poisonous treatments do not extrapolate onto the bulk of common cancers…. to be cont'd, I'm leaving the hospital now….

Fukui_sanYesOta August 9, 2011 at 5:21 am

Well, now I feel like shit for deleting the long comment because I didn't want a fight.

Profiteering is the true hideousness.

Let's face it, we agree. Chemo in and of itself isn't wrong, it's the misprescribing I find odious.

Radiotherapy® August 9, 2011 at 6:18 am

No way, I read your comments just before leaving and found them deleted when I got home. This is a discussion of some gravitas. And people usually run away from the issue. Hence part of its protection.People need to talk about this fraud much in the way we must have end-of-life discussions, calmly and rationally. Guided by clinicians and patients. NOT Insurance or government bureaucrats.
Here are the cold, hard equations: if you have a given stage of cancer, say colon stage 3, your chances of surviving at 5 years are the same now as they were in 1960. Same for the common adult tumors. Any improvement in cancer care has come about through prevention and early detection. They use the same cellular toxins now that they used back then, with a few minor exceptions, and radiation is radiation. They just sell the combinations, ie radiation before surg vs vice versa.

So Fukui, NO hard feelings at all. I know i am up against a wall of 50 years and poignancy and compassion. I'm tilting, and I only bring it up upon prompting or family members. Case in point, the first time i brought it up here and plop.

Also santorum is santorum

Mumbletypeg August 9, 2011 at 9:50 am

/snark off

Eloquently stated. Probably the best thing I'll read all day, despite the grave subj. at hand.

Thank you. (I'll thank whoever helps me find my snark again, too.)

AJWjr. August 9, 2011 at 10:25 am

Faced with the same circumstances in our pets, we normally do the truly noble thing and put them down. I've lost a few very close family members to cancer, and think if they had been treated by our veterinarian, the inevitable would have been far more humane.

Polythene_Pam August 9, 2011 at 10:29 am

My mother was stage 4 when she found out about her cancer. Her doctor started her on chemo, but she passed away within a couple of weeks. He came in to offer condolences just after she passed & said that it was possible that he didn't find just the right cocktail of drugs/radiation for her.

I believe that we were all relieved that she passed quickly rather than having a long drawn out fading away complete with loss of dignity & decline of awareness. We saw dad go through that 10 years earlier, when his chemo 'worked' for a year.

I heard an NPR thing a few years ago about the UK's national health plan. They were talking to a Welsh farmer about his cancer. The guy said that he hadn't been offered any life-prolonging, experimental, or alternative treatments. He said he didn't see the point in it. He had cancer & was going to die. Why waste all of that money on the possibility that it might make his suffering last just a little bit longer? He said that was a distinctly American way of looking at things, prolonging life at all costs, trying everything possible, no matter what the quality of that life might be.

Radiotherapy® August 9, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Dewey, very well said. If you talk to most folks, they have gone through the same gauntlet you did. The chemo-radiation-industrial complex, with a family member or two (typically guilty or black sheep types) on one side, and merciful, rational members of the family on the other. Similar with end of life decisions, which can overlap. It's a horrible dilemma for rational people.
But what I've found that works is asking the Oncologists simple questions . "What evidence is there that treatment X improves survivability AND quality of life.?" #1 This usually backs them down, and #2 They have no evidence — in their literature nonetheless — that their 60 year poisons, in any silly combination, works. I've looked at the original double blind, placebo controlled studies from the '60's. Now they don't even bother with that anymore; they just compare poison X with modality Y.
Now that my cat is out of the bag on this heavy duty subject, I can elaborate further down the road.

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