republican family values

Wisconsin GOP Lady Pol Proves Drunk Driving Not Just For Male GOPers

crashing through the glass ceiling is hard.Who says the GOP guys’ team gets to have all the DUI arrest fun these days? That is sexist of them. It’s not like Republican women aren’t also “pro-family values” sometimes, too! See, here we go: Amber Hahn is was a Wisconsin county GOP chair who went on Fox News not long ago to pose as a “random concerned parent” full of Panic and Outrage over the dangerous “pro-union propaganda” teaching of labor union history in public schools. Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car. That’s a little bit terrifying and hypocritical, you might say! Eh, here is the thing about a “family values” politician, tho: danger to children only exists if it is utterly fictional. Real Danger does not count.

From the Wisconsin State Journal:

The chairwoman of the Republican Party of Columbia County resigned Friday after a drunken crash with her three children in her car.

Amber Hahn, 35, of rural Poynette, said she crashed her car Thursday night while driving drunk, but that no one was hurt and that no other vehicles were involved. The Columbia County Sheriff’s Office arrived at the scene from the OnStar alert in her car, she said.

Columbia County District Attorney Jane Kohlwey said the incident took place about 9 p.m. on Old B and Raddatz roads in the town of Springvale. Kohlwey, a Republican, said she asked a special prosecutor from Dane County to handle the case.

She resigned? We assumed this meant she was running for Congress. [Wisconsin State Journal]

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  1. Tundra Grifter

    I'd say "real danger" would be rolling over in the morning and having those eyes staring at you.

    1. PristinePantalones

      Sheesh, I'm not even in her goddamn bed and already I feel creeped out by teh KrayZLayDee eyes. Is this some sort of rural phenomenon of Amerikkka?

    2. KenLayIsAlive

      Yeah, she def has that "we had a one night stand and now I'm driving across country in a pair of diapers and with a shotgun to come and say 'hi'" look in her eyes.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        One of those young ladies who calls and calls and calls. And that's just the next morning.

        Pretty much until your phone melts.

      1. MissusBarry

        Aw, you can totally find yourself a nice drunk, but not meth-addicted, girl who doesn't bring her kids to the bar. Don't sell yourself short.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          Some of my friends who grew up in San Francisco used to stand in front of the open door at a neighborhood bar and yell "Daddy! Daddy! Please come home! Mom is so worried!"

          Of course, their Dad was at work.

          1. AJWjr.

            That one never worked for me, as my father tended bar down the street at the old Twin Peaks Tavern.

          2. AJWjr.

            Got me curious, so I checked google maps. They've not only changed the name, but moved the bar! Used to be at 18th and Collingwood. Wonder what else has changed in the 45 years since I moved…

    3. anniegetyerfun

      Poor thing. If I had a face like that, I'd get drunk every night and try to kill my kids, too.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I'm getting a GEICO caveman vibe from her mugshot. Only really drunk.

        And I'm something of an expert on drunk cavemen.

    4. Clancy_Pants

      Coyote ugly (adj.) Someone (U.S. pejorative slang) who is very ugly, nearly always applied to a non-canine female. "The woman was so coyote ugly that if I woke up with her sleeping on my arm, I would chew it off to get away". See Amber Hahn.

    5. Dashboard_Jesus

      I love the Wonkette when I can just read the 1st comment, snort wine out my nose and go to sleep with a smile on my face :)

  2. ThankYouJeebus

    Good thing that big government didn't force her to have those kids restrained or anything.

        1. Sue4466

          Guessing she's pro-choice when it comes to child safety restraints. But not so much the other kind.

    1. PristinePantalones

      As long as you're not, you know, judging her by unreasonable standards, like not turning her kiddies into possible roadkill. Next, the sex tape.

  3. nounverb911

    "Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car."
    Hahn was just demonstrating the dangers of drunk driving to her kids.

  4. Come here a minute

    The stare is not quite vacant enough, and it's supposed to be a hooker, not your kids. I only give it a 3.

    1. PristinePantalones

      She had difficulty finding a hooker who was willing to sit in a car full of stinky kid stuff, like the remnants of the last 437 Happy Meals she had to buy the little fuckers so they would get in the car with her. "C'mon, ya li'l shits, it's MOM!! I promise I won't kill ya!" No? Not maternal enough?

  5. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Clearly this was the doing of the Union/Socialist Thugs who are trying to destroy Scott Walker.

    The conspiracy is deep. The conspiracy is very deep. We must all await further orders from the Tea Party and Glenn Beck to know how to prevent ourselves from coming under the influence of their secret alcohol rays!

    1. scionkirk

      I'm not sure what true patriots in Washington can do to fight off the pro-union mind control rays, but I'm sure it has something to do with sniffing coke and sleeping with hookers

    2. baconzgood

      Buy seeds, Cheap gold plated coins, and 5 copies of Overton Window. It's the only solution.

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        thanks for that, I never heard of Overton window before and have now spent/ wasted an hour googling/ reading about Glenn BecKKK and the douchebag Joe Overton who came up with this non-sense (i'm over 50 now and realize all the time how precious the years/ days/ minutes I have left are and yet I STILL go for this obscure idealogical shit…must be the booze?)

    1. Rarian Rakista

      That is the hilarious -sad?- part about these folk, they are all proud to drive American SUVs but when I asked my poor, poor Teabagger Mom if it was because it supported decent hard working folk she said no.

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        oh my, your Mom is a POOR Teabagger, why I thought they were all rich? (my Mom is smart. she's a Republican and invested well so I don't have to worry about her movin' in with me when they take her SS away!)

  6. mrblifil

    She did real well on the Fox interview! She didn't seem surprised by Gretchen's bullet-pointed PowerPoint questions at all! She couldn't have been more calm and collected if her appearance had been rehearsed!

    What a loss for the GOP, but more importantly, what a loss for concerned parents everywhere. Who will be left to think of the children?

    1. PristinePantalones

      Hopefully, the children have gotten clean away from Teh CrayCrayLayDee and are all safe,now.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      Warren Jeffs? Oh, they caught him, didn't they? Well, I'm sure he's still thinking of children all the time.

  7. nounverb911

    "Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car."
    Hahn was just giving home schooling drivers ed classes to her kids.

  8. elviouslyqueer

    Man, Marcus Bachmann looks like shit. Somebody should tell him that orange is really not his color.

    1. PristinePantalones

      What is that fey lad's colour, anyway? He seems to look awful no matter what he wears. Needs MOAR glitter.

  9. Callyson

    Hahn is also a Poynette School Board member and volunteer firefighter.
    Personally, I'd think she would resign from *these* jobs, where drinking might be a problem, but keep the chair of the county GOP, where drinking is a requirement…

    1. Beowoof

      Volunteer firefighters here in Upstate NY, tend like lots of festivals where drinking lots of cheap beer is a requirement. Pig roast anyone.

    2. Rotundo_

      Loady McPantspooper shouldn't have resigned a thing. Binge drinking is a doG given right up here in Wisconsin, our liberal drunk driving laws keep fine citizens like Ms. Hahn on the road with the kids and keeping us on our toes. A couple of grand and a class and she will be fine. And think of the tales the kids can tell at family reunions: "Remember when mom got faced and rolled the Explorer? Puked like a fire hose didn't she? Bummer about the car, but man she could puke. I seen guys in the service that couldn't…….."

    1. Come here a minute

      Thank you OnStar, for getting me nailed for DWI, you bastards!

      I guess Big Brother is okay when it's a commercial Big Brother device, and not the gubmint.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        I guess Big Brother is okay when it's a commercial Big Brother device, and not the gubmint.

        Um, hello: GOP chick —> using OnStar —> OnStar owned by GM —> GM received gubmint bailout muneez —> Obama oversaw gubmint bailout muneez –> Obama responsible for covertly orchestrating takedown of GOP chick.

        Now, all this needs is a link to the Muslin Caliphate, and the circle will be complete.

        1. glamourdammerung

          I wondered how long it would take for someone to make the obvious "OnStar is only on GM vehicles" connection.

        2. Dashboard_Jesus

          fuck you ARE a genius, and yes I'm still hopelessly in luv with you (but I'm still NOT gay ok?!)

    2. mrblifil

      OnStar Roadside Assistance: "OnStar Roadside Assistance, I see you've been in a crash, how may we assist you?"


        1. Rotundo_

          *hands over reciever* "Kids in the car, they're laughin' at her hangin' upside down and pukin'. Sounds like they're ok. Jeez, some people…"

      1. SorosBot

        Dear god, besides being horrible that song has got to have one of the most irresponsible, reprehensible messages I've heard.

        1. jus_wonderin

          What's funny to me is her next hit had her taking a baseball bat to her exBF's "pretty little ride". On one hand, christian herione, on the other, jealous bitch is lethal. <g>

          1. SexySmurf

            His last name is Christ, obviously. His middle name, though, is still a mystery; all we know is that it starts with an H.

  10. ifthethunderdontgetya

    "Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car."

    Joyriding, Kirsten. Why does Wonkette hate Joy™ (not to mention, Freedom™)?

    Oh, and I forgot: Holy Amber Alert, Batman!

  11. donner_froh

    Teaching the history of labor unions in the schools = immediate, real, awful danger to children.

    Driving drunk and smashing into things with a car full of kids = not so bad.

    Works for me.

    1. GravyBoyJohnson

      why are her children even in school? they should be working 16 hour days in a factory where their tiny hands can fit between the moving parts of a machine like they would have in the good old days. that would teach those dangerous unions a lesson.

  12. baconzgood

    With all these drunk GOPers lately I've developed a theory.

    They are self-medicating in order to live with the guilt of what they're doing to this country.

    1. SorosBot

      Really, it's probably a geographical thing – wingnuts primarily live in the country and exurbs, while liberals usually live in or near the cities; and people drink and drive a lot in the country, but not in the city where there are plenty of other ways to get around.

    2. Dashboard_Jesus

      "It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ~ J. Krishnamurti

  13. Oblios_Cap

    Hahn, 35, crashed her car Thursday night while driving drunk. No other vehicles were involved and fortunately no one was injured. Police were summoned by the car's On-Star call system.

    If it weren't for that newfangled lie-beral gadget, she could have just walked away and taught her kids a lesson in the GOP form of personal responsibility.

  14. proudgrampa

    If my daughter endangered my grandchildren like that, I would go ballistic. Hell, if my daughter was a Republican, I'd go ballistic.

  15. SayItWithWookies

    This goes to show how egalitarian the Republican party is — she just shattered that glass ceiling windshield.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      Ain't that the damn fucking truth. I really am in no mood today. NO MOOD FOR THESE FUCKERS.

    2. PristinePantalones

      Hey, once they're born, it's their parents' JERB to take care of them and quit whining to the taxpayer, geez.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      "They tell me I shouldn't drink n' drive, but those kids have to get to school". — Dave Attell

    1. mayor_quimby

      Did you watch that fucking doc on HBO?? The problem with Dianne is she was drunk as fuck, high, and an irresponsible cunt. I don't know why the widower dad couldn't just accept that fact and call a spade a cunt, as it were.

      1. finallyhappy

        I read about the film and decided I would not watch it. I read that they have done and redone the autopsy results and it proves she was drunk and high so why do a movie about this murdering bitch?

  16. mumbly_joe

    I said before, "Pro-Life, except for the victims". It doesn't stop being a thing that's true, except I guess now we can add in "Pro Family Values, except for the victims" also too.

      1. MissusBarry

        Did they test? My freude could use some schaden in the form of her being preggers and miscarrying as a result of the crash. Also, too, I'm a mean person.

    1. JustPixelz

      Or as they say in the Repubican Platform, "… protect sacred life until it leaves the womb, then fuck it in the skull with crappy schools, unsafe jobs, no Social Security and the responsibility to support our billionaire patrons."

      1. BlueStateLibel

        …and then drive around with the poor petrified kids in the backseat while you're stumbling drunk.

    1. GregComlish

      How do alcoholic, conservative, meth-heads impact Sarah Palin? Do you even have to ask?

    2. widestanceroman

      Let the poor woman catch her breath. She's forced to live with the media invading her books, TV shows, films, tweets, and prone-to-abort cross country tours.

      Can't she enjoy a little private life once in a while?

  17. AlaskaGrrl

    And they have to bring in a DA from a different county? WTF? The republican DA has so little integrity as to not be able to prosecute a DUI case? What, only Democrats get tickets in that county? Man, that state is Koched up!

  18. horsedreamer_1

    Also: this occurred around 9 pm. Not anytime close to bar-close. This dame is keeping it real, Wisconsin-style.

  19. donner_froh

    Kohlwey, a Republican, said she asked a special prosecutor from Dane County to handle the case.

    Special prosecutor? The President of the United States gets a special prosecutor; big deal political/security cases get one (the Scooter Libby/ Valerie Palme fiasco). Why does a simple drunken driving with your kids in the car get a special prosecutor?

    Republicans are fucked up but Wisconsin Republicans are really fucked up.

    1. HedonismBot

      See, I had a different take. I actually thought maybe the Republican DA called in the special prosecutor so as to avoid a conflict of interest. But then, I have a bad habit of giving people too much credit.

      1. glamourdammerung

        I figured they were more concerned about being implicated in something else illegal Hahn was doing that no one knows about yet myself.

  20. owhatever

    She's just a sinner and has already been forgiven. Now she can comb her hair, splash on some face paint and get ready for the cover of Newsweek. Another Teabagger star is born.

    1. PristinePantalones

      I thought Jeffrey Dahmer was in Minnesota. There were cannibalistic serial killers in Wisconsin too?

        1. ShaveTheWhales

          You're right. Also, some years before Jeffey, there was Ed Gein (tho he was upstate).

  21. Steverino247

    I'd love to be the family law attorney representing her husband/father of the kids. Slam dunk!

  22. Pragmatist2

    If it was 1 A.M. and I saw this woman drunk in a bar, you know what I would do?
    I would RUN for my life.

  23. Barrelhse

    If she raises her arms in supplication, dances trance-like in the aisles, and spread-eagles on the floor (as we all do), I feel certain that all will be forgiven.

  24. littlebigdaddy

    Looks like she's been drinking more or less continuously since the Packers won the Super Bowl.

  25. Eve8Apples

    That's my kinda porn – photos of drunk, disoriented, dissheveled teatards in orange prison outfits — Can't get enough of 'em.

  26. Guppy06

    The Republican solution would be to ban women from driving, instead requiring that a male relative drives them. It's what Jesus would do.

  27. x111e7thst

    Sometimes you have to crash your kids into a tree to save them from the unions. It is true, unions are THAT scary!

    1. AJWjr.

      I would too, if I was her. It's obvious the police station uses fluorescents, and she looks terrible!

  28. Goonemeritus

    Am I the only one that thinks her mug shot looks presidential than Bachmann looks in her Newsweek photo?

  29. alzronnie

    "…crashed while her three children were also riding in the car."

    She did it for the children–how else are they going to learn about the evils of drunk driving?

  30. inapewetrust

    typical nanny state overreach, dictating to parents how drunk they should or shouldn't be while they drive their OWN CHILDREN around on public roads. government needs to LEAVE PARENTS ALONE and just stick to hastening the demise of poor people and forbidding various sexual techniques

  31. Thurman Munster IV

    She wants a special prosecutor from liberal Dane Co so she can scream persecution when she gets convicted.

  32. Beowoof

    Too bad she isn't in New York, here it is a felony to drive drunk with the kids in the car. Mommy has to go away for awhile.

    1. finallyhappy

      I wonder if that is the law in Maryland- if not, I am going to bring it up with my legislators

    1. elviouslyqueer

      She's got the same clenched, pine-tree-up-the-butt expression as does Shelley. Are these bitches not familiar with Activia?

  33. An_Outhouse

    What did your elitist parents do with you on Friday night? Take you to the movies or something? Real 'Murkins tool around with their drunk parents for fun.

    1. finallyhappy

      We had to do the whole Shabbas thing- we didn't go anywhere except to walk to services

  34. comrad_darkness

    She looks like a public service announcement.

    Friends don't let friends become hypocritical goopers.

  35. BlueStateLibel

    And now we'll hear some black guy forced her to get drunk and then drive her three kids around in 1, 2, 3…

  36. anniegetyerfun

    We Dems can't do this because we only like children when there are a million of them, and we can't fit that many into our Priuses.

  37. HedonismBot

    "Kohlwey, a Republican, said she asked a special prosecutor from Dane County to handle the case."
    DUI? Shmee-UI. Family values? Shmamily Shmalues. To me, the quote above is the only interesting thing about the story, because it re-affirms my belief that "conflict-of-interest" still counts as a thing (to be avoided,) and apparently Ms. Kohlwey agrees. My heart is warmed.

  38. hagajim

    If I were a Republican I'd be constantly drunk too…it would be the only way I could look at myself in the mirror every morning.

  39. glamourdammerung

    When the best thing the GOP can do for the upcoming recalls is hide their governor and hope everyone somehow forgets what aggressively stupid jerks they were in order to win, drinking heavily might be in order.

  40. glamourdammerung

    The drinks were clearly liberal plants, there to make a good conservative look bad!!!1111!!

    The children too!!!11111!!!

      1. jus_wonderin

        Yeah. Me too. He is asking why the downfist is gone, like I run the site(?).

        He/She is a doof.

        1. glamourdammerung

          They must have a pretty miserable excuse for a life when the best/only thing they have to do is stalk folks on this site.

          1. jus_wonderin

            I “engaged” him last night asking “why the eff he changes his screenname so much?” I don't get that. It is as if the name he picks is to enrage, thus he likes to be a prickly prick.

          2. jus_wonderin

            Nah, I just wrote back asking why he was following me. Its just strange since we don't share a wit of ideology.

          3. glamourdammerung

            Even more odd in my case since I would have been considered a conservative until they went full retard.

  41. CalamityJames

    Kohlwey, a Republican, said she asked a special prosecutor from Dane County to handle the case.

    What fucking case?! She was driving drunk. With her kids in the car.

    If she had been black or messican or Mel Gibson, she'd be in the chair by now.

  42. Warpde

    Little on the serious here.
    My son wrapped our 2009 Fit around a T pole a couple years ago.
    Had 2 friends riding with him.
    Even though the Police and Emergency crews walked to the car figuring everyone was dead they all made it out.
    He was drunk.
    6 months later a good friend of his didn't take his advice to take a Cab from the pub to our house..
    He ran off the highway, hitting a T pole. He was also drunk.
    His girlfriend went through the front window and died on impact. The 2 in the back were like my son and friends before…damn lucky. He was in a coma for weeks and lost his leg.

    So as far as Amber Hahn goes……with her children in the car?
    Fuck You Amber.

  43. LakeLucilleLoon

    "…drove her car around drunk until it crashed". I'd say it sound like the car's fault. Car got drunk, car crashed. End of story.

  44. lulzmonger

    You uphold Traditional USAian Family Values with the version of "suffer the little children" you have, not the version of "suffer the little children" you WISH you had.

  45. LetUsBray

    John Stossel's been campaigning to get rid of drunk driving laws. So here's her chance to rehabilitate her image, to go on his show and take her case to dozens and dozens of people!

  46. Quayle2012_KNOT

    Click the link and you'll discover she explained, "It's clear to me now that I have lost focus and am trying to do too much." Spoken like a true Gingrich supporter and pillar of the Teatard "cause." Can't wait for tomorrow's recalls.

  47. Negropolis

    …and that no other vehicles were involved.

    This is the best part. As if crashing into some stationary object with your kids in the car is somehow better than not being able to miss another car.

    That's luck, lady, not something that you did or had any control over.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      And the reason no one was hurt may well be those fucking government-mandated airbags that drive the price of cars up so much.

  48. RedAmanda

    One look at that vixen makes my little thing go soaking wet. Oh why wasn't I there to drink her urine test???

  49. ttommyunger

    In a local press conference, her attorney announced that his client only drinks and drives with her children in the car because she loves America so much.

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