REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES  2:26 pm August 8, 2011

Wisconsin GOP Lady Pol Proves Drunk Driving Not Just For Male GOPers

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

crashing through the glass ceiling is hard.Who says the GOP guys’ team gets to have all the DUI arrest fun these days? That is sexist of them. It’s not like Republican women aren’t also “pro-family values” sometimes, too! See, here we go: Amber Hahn is was a Wisconsin county GOP chair who went on Fox News not long ago to pose as a “random concerned parent” full of Panic and Outrage over the dangerous “pro-union propaganda” teaching of labor union history in public schools. Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car. That’s a little bit terrifying and hypocritical, you might say! Eh, here is the thing about a “family values” politician, tho: danger to children only exists if it is utterly fictional. Real Danger does not count.

From the Wisconsin State Journal:

The chairwoman of the Republican Party of Columbia County resigned Friday after a drunken crash with her three children in her car.

Amber Hahn, 35, of rural Poynette, said she crashed her car Thursday night while driving drunk, but that no one was hurt and that no other vehicles were involved. The Columbia County Sheriff’s Office arrived at the scene from the OnStar alert in her car, she said.

Columbia County District Attorney Jane Kohlwey said the incident took place about 9 p.m. on Old B and Raddatz roads in the town of Springvale. Kohlwey, a Republican, said she asked a special prosecutor from Dane County to handle the case.

She resigned? We assumed this meant she was running for Congress. [Wisconsin State Journal]

 
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{ 291 comments }

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I'd say "real danger" would be rolling over in the morning and having those eyes staring at you.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Sheesh, I'm not even in her goddamn bed and already I feel creeped out by teh KrayZLayDee eyes. Is this some sort of rural phenomenon of Amerikkka?

KenLayIsAlive August 8, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Yeah, she def has that "we had a one night stand and now I'm driving across country in a pair of diapers and with a shotgun to come and say 'hi'" look in her eyes.

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm

One of those young ladies who calls and calls and calls. And that's just the next morning.

Pretty much until your phone melts.

RodneyBadger August 8, 2011 at 4:13 pm

To be fair, she is drunk in that picture.

ShaveTheWhales August 9, 2011 at 3:55 am

And probably aware that she has just fucked up a bit.

AJWjr. August 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Sadly for me, I'd hit that.

MissusBarry August 8, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Aw, you can totally find yourself a nice drunk, but not meth-addicted, girl who doesn't bring her kids to the bar. Don't sell yourself short.

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Some of my friends who grew up in San Francisco used to stand in front of the open door at a neighborhood bar and yell "Daddy! Daddy! Please come home! Mom is so worried!"

Of course, their Dad was at work.

AJWjr. August 8, 2011 at 6:23 pm

That one never worked for me, as my father tended bar down the street at the old Twin Peaks Tavern.

subsum August 8, 2011 at 4:30 pm

You're not the only one.

Tundra Grifter August 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Son, they just don't make beer goggles that thick.

anniegetyerfun August 8, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Poor thing. If I had a face like that, I'd get drunk every night and try to kill my kids, too.

Lascauxcaveman August 8, 2011 at 5:06 pm

I'm getting a GEICO caveman vibe from her mugshot. Only really drunk.

And I'm something of an expert on drunk cavemen.

Clancy_Pants August 8, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Coyote ugly (adj.) Someone (U.S. pejorative slang) who is very ugly, nearly always applied to a non-canine female. "The woman was so coyote ugly that if I woke up with her sleeping on my arm, I would chew it off to get away". See Amber Hahn.

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:02 am

I love the Wonkette when I can just read the 1st comment, snort wine out my nose and go to sleep with a smile on my face :)

Tundra Grifter August 9, 2011 at 9:32 am

DJ: Thank you! The key to a satisfactory p-ness is being in the right position.

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:28 am

Bachmann/ Amber 2012…the Krazy Eyes is Watchin' YOU!

nounverb911 August 8, 2011 at 2:28 pm

A women GOP'er drunk? See the republicans really are the party of inclusion.

Sue4466 August 8, 2011 at 3:42 pm

To be a woman and a GOP'er would require a constant state of intoxication I would wager.

anniegetyerfun August 8, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Can I just say that my love for your username has never waned? NEVER.

ThankYouJeebus August 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Good thing that big government didn't force her to have those kids restrained or anything.

Sue4466 August 8, 2011 at 3:44 pm

But, good thing a GOP government would force her to have those kids.

Radiotherapy® August 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Tits or GTFO.

DerrickWildcat August 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

But she's a pretty good Mom.

LabRodent August 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm

In that Susan Smith kind of way!

mrblifil August 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I'm sure she'd argue that child safety restraints are the by-product of unconstitutional government over-reach.

Sue4466 August 8, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Guessing she's pro-choice when it comes to child safety restraints. But not so much the other kind.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm

As long as you're not, you know, judging her by unreasonable standards, like not turning her kiddies into possible roadkill. Next, the sex tape.

nounverb911 August 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

"Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car."
Hahn was just demonstrating the dangers of drunk driving to her kids.

Not_So_Much August 8, 2011 at 5:45 pm

When it's time for the dangers of unprotected sex lesson….yikes.

arihaya August 8, 2011 at 7:39 pm

she might unintentionally demonstrating the dangers of being a Republican to her kids

Come here a minute August 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

The stare is not quite vacant enough, and it's supposed to be a hooker, not your kids. I only give it a 3.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm

She had difficulty finding a hooker who was willing to sit in a car full of stinky kid stuff, like the remnants of the last 437 Happy Meals she had to buy the little fuckers so they would get in the car with her. "C'mon, ya li'l shits, it's MOM!! I promise I won't kill ya!" No? Not maternal enough?

Buzz Feedback August 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm

She needed the kids to hold the go cups.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Clearly this was the doing of the Union/Socialist Thugs who are trying to destroy Scott Walker.

The conspiracy is deep. The conspiracy is very deep. We must all await further orders from the Tea Party and Glenn Beck to know how to prevent ourselves from coming under the influence of their secret alcohol rays!

Barrelhse August 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm

She's a true hero.

scionkirk August 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm

I'm not sure what true patriots in Washington can do to fight off the pro-union mind control rays, but I'm sure it has something to do with sniffing coke and sleeping with hookers

baconzgood August 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Buy seeds, Cheap gold plated coins, and 5 copies of Overton Window. It's the only solution.

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:36 am

thanks for that, I never heard of Overton window before and have now spent/ wasted an hour googling/ reading about Glenn BecKKK and the douchebag Joe Overton who came up with this non-sense (i'm over 50 now and realize all the time how precious the years/ days/ minutes I have left are and yet I STILL go for this obscure idealogical shit…must be the booze?)

Whatever August 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I'm dusting off/reshaping my tin foil hat as we speak.

anniegetyerfun August 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Yum, alcohol rays! Please aim in my direction!

Gratuitous World August 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm

luckily the car was Union-made and there were no serious injuries to the kids.

Rarian Rakista August 8, 2011 at 3:15 pm

That is the hilarious -sad?- part about these folk, they are all proud to drive American SUVs but when I asked my poor, poor Teabagger Mom if it was because it supported decent hard working folk she said no.

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:40 am

oh my, your Mom is a POOR Teabagger, why I thought they were all rich? (my Mom is smart. she's a Republican and invested well so I don't have to worry about her movin' in with me when they take her SS away!)

BTWBFDIMHO August 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm

You mean, she was riding an Audi, formerly known as Auto Union?

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:37 am

fucking WIN of the day! now I can FINALLY go to sleep :)

mirrorballdc August 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Too bad Bobby Riggs is dead. This would make a killer Battle of the Sexes.

LabRodent August 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm

That picture screams METH ADDICT.

mrblifil August 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm

She should start a parenting group: Mommies with Mug Shots.

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Mother's Day In….the Pen.

Oblios_Cap August 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Take Your kids to the Pen Day or Republican Womens' Club Meeting

mrblifil August 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm

She did real well on the Fox interview! She didn't seem surprised by Gretchen's bullet-pointed PowerPoint questions at all! She couldn't have been more calm and collected if her appearance had been rehearsed!

What a loss for the GOP, but more importantly, what a loss for concerned parents everywhere. Who will be left to think of the children?

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Hopefully, the children have gotten clean away from Teh CrayCrayLayDee and are all safe,now.

anniegetyerfun August 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Warren Jeffs? Oh, they caught him, didn't they? Well, I'm sure he's still thinking of children all the time.

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:41 am

librulz?

nounverb911 August 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm

"Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car."
Hahn was just giving home schooling drivers ed classes to her kids.

elviouslyqueer August 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Man, Marcus Bachmann looks like shit. Somebody should tell him that orange is really not his color.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:42 pm

What is that fey lad's colour, anyway? He seems to look awful no matter what he wears. Needs MOAR glitter.

Beowoof August 8, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Way too skinny to be Marcus. Looks much more to be the prelude to a Newsweek cover.

Papa_Uniform August 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Hey, if she was drinking Schlitz, it's case dismissed.

Barrelhse August 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

They only found 23 empties. Couldn't make a case out of that.

thebeatgoeson August 8, 2011 at 3:04 pm

*rimshot*

738838 August 8, 2011 at 3:54 pm

She couldn't take beer to the beach or she might get sand in her Schlitz.

Callyson August 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Hahn is also a Poynette School Board member and volunteer firefighter.
Personally, I'd think she would resign from *these* jobs, where drinking might be a problem, but keep the chair of the county GOP, where drinking is a requirement…

Beowoof August 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Volunteer firefighters here in Upstate NY, tend like lots of festivals where drinking lots of cheap beer is a requirement. Pig roast anyone.

Rotundo_ August 8, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Loady McPantspooper shouldn't have resigned a thing. Binge drinking is a doG given right up here in Wisconsin, our liberal drunk driving laws keep fine citizens like Ms. Hahn on the road with the kids and keeping us on our toes. A couple of grand and a class and she will be fine. And think of the tales the kids can tell at family reunions: "Remember when mom got faced and rolled the Explorer? Puked like a fire hose didn't she? Bummer about the car, but man she could puke. I seen guys in the service that couldn't…….."

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:43 am

hahahaha, made me spew rum out my nose (ran outta wine)

baconzgood August 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm

No one was hurt and that no other vehicles were involved. Meh, no blood no foul.

horsedreamer_1 August 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

BAC Libel!!!

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 12:01 am

MADD Libel!

DWI Libel!

memzilla August 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm

She's had too many Kochtails (ahem).

petehammer August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Well done.

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 12:01 am

More like too many Rum & Kochs.

baconzgood August 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm

"WILL SOME ONE PLEASE (hiccup) THINK OF THE CHILDREN"

-Psudo Fox Pundent-

Nostrildamus August 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Can't wait to see the next OnStar commercial.

Come here a minute August 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Thank you OnStar, for getting me nailed for DWI, you bastards!

I guess Big Brother is okay when it's a commercial Big Brother device, and not the gubmint.

elviouslyqueer August 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I guess Big Brother is okay when it's a commercial Big Brother device, and not the gubmint.

Um, hello: GOP chick —> using OnStar —> OnStar owned by GM —> GM received gubmint bailout muneez —> Obama oversaw gubmint bailout muneez –> Obama responsible for covertly orchestrating takedown of GOP chick.

Now, all this needs is a link to the Muslin Caliphate, and the circle will be complete.

emmelemm August 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Draw it on a chalkboard, and I'll believe it unconditionally!

(Nicely done.)

anniegetyerfun August 8, 2011 at 4:23 pm

"Alcohol" is an Arabic word. BAM.

anniegetyerfun August 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I'm not saying that the OnStar logo looks just like Obama's Mooslamick Nukyular Security Summit logo, but I'm not saying it DOESN'T, either.

glamourdammerung August 8, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I wondered how long it would take for someone to make the obvious "OnStar is only on GM vehicles" connection.

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:45 am

fuck you ARE a genius, and yes I'm still hopelessly in luv with you (but I'm still NOT gay ok?!)

mrblifil August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

OnStar Roadside Assistance: "OnStar Roadside Assistance, I see you've been in a crash, how may we assist you?"

Amber Hahn: "I JUST WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!!11! NOBAMA OSAMA BIN SLACKING MADE ME DRIVE INTO A DITCH LOOKING FOR HOBOS TO BLOW!1!! WHERE ARE THE JOBZ!!!1!"

Nothingisamiss August 8, 2011 at 3:34 pm

*hand over receiver* "Marge, I got me another drunk republican on the phone."

Rotundo_ August 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm

*hands over reciever* "Kids in the car, they're laughin' at her hangin' upside down and pukin'. Sounds like they're ok. Jeez, some people…"

DerrickWildcat August 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Must be a Dem.
No flag pin on her orange prison jumper.

WhatTheHolyHeck August 8, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Countdown until Fox airs a (D) next to her name.

mavenmaven August 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

She was letting Jesus drive.

SexySmurf August 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm

"Jesus is my designated driver."

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm

"Jesus take the wheel"?

SorosBot August 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Dear god, besides being horrible that song has got to have one of the most irresponsible, reprehensible messages I've heard.

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm

What's funny to me is her next hit had her taking a baseball bat to her exBF's "pretty little ride". On one hand, christian herione, on the other, jealous bitch is lethal. <g>

elviouslyqueer August 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Or better yet, that one time, in Vegas.

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 1:52 am

Dashboard Jeebus WTF?
Billy Idol – Plastic Jesus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F-5kpyD4cE

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 12:04 am

Sounds to me like Jesus had too many spirits, pun fully intended.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

"Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car."

Joyriding, Kirsten. Why does Wonkette hate Joy™ (not to mention, Freedom™)?

Oh, and I forgot: Holy Amber Alert, Batman!
~

baconzgood August 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

& she blames high taxes on the "Job creators" and Obama-care in 5…4…3…

EatsBabyDingos August 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Marcus Bachmann is converting to LDS so he can marry this one, too.

memzilla August 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Oddly enough, the only two-word anagram of "Amber Hahn" is "Hah, Barmen!"

gvvt August 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Or "Heh, Barman!!!"

donner_froh August 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Teaching the history of labor unions in the schools = immediate, real, awful danger to children.

Driving drunk and smashing into things with a car full of kids = not so bad.

Works for me.

memzilla August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Well, your avatar is The Order Of Lenin, her avatar is The Order Of Smirnoff.

Barrelhse August 8, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Smirnoff? Is that like what SexySmurf does solo?

mumbly_joe August 8, 2011 at 4:59 pm

In Soviet Russia, drunks drive you!

GravyBoyJohnson August 8, 2011 at 3:01 pm

why are her children even in school? they should be working 16 hour days in a factory where their tiny hands can fit between the moving parts of a machine like they would have in the good old days. that would teach those dangerous unions a lesson.

finallyhappy August 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Better Dead than Red!

Oblios_Cap August 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

So Jessica is obviously the pretty sister.

emmelemm August 8, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Random obscure 80s reference of the morning! +1

finallyhappy August 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Wow, I remember now!

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 2:02 am

fucking WIN! for most obscure reference of the day

lefty74 August 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Ossifer! I swear to drunk I'm not God!

petehammer August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

If you were as hated as the GOP in Wisconsin, you'd probably try to kill yourself too.

horsedreamer_1 August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

The Hahn Sobriety. Or lack thereof.

neiltheblaze August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

She may be a drunk – but that picture just screams "meth skank".

Barrelhse August 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Glory holes, anyway.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Not raddled with enough open weeping sores.

Lucidamente1 August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

OK, but how wide is her stance?

Oblios_Cap August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

it's good that she's already picked out a porn name for her new career.

baconzgood August 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm

With all these drunk GOPers lately I've developed a theory.

They are self-medicating in order to live with the guilt of what they're doing to this country.

Steverino247 August 8, 2011 at 2:57 pm

That would mean they have a conscience and I'm not convinced of that.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 12:54 am

Maybe it's an unconscious conscience.

JustPixelz August 8, 2011 at 3:03 pm

What a coincidence! I'm also self-medicating over what they're doing to this country.

gvvt August 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm

OBarmanCare

Biel_ze_Bubba August 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Sure you're not confusing cause and effect?

SorosBot August 8, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Really, it's probably a geographical thing – wingnuts primarily live in the country and exurbs, while liberals usually live in or near the cities; and people drink and drive a lot in the country, but not in the city where there are plenty of other ways to get around.

baconzgood August 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Tell that to my former Probation officer.

horsedreamer_1 August 8, 2011 at 3:46 pm

No need for light-rail if you only drink light-beer.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:51 pm

No wonder teh rednex h8 mass transport.

Dashboard_Jesus August 9, 2011 at 2:03 am

"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ~ J. Krishnamurti

widestanceroman August 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Liv Ullman stars in 'DUIs and Whispers.'

baconzgood August 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm

If you think about it, her OnStar put her kids in foster care.

Oblios_Cap August 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Hahn, 35, crashed her car Thursday night while driving drunk. No other vehicles were involved and fortunately no one was injured. Police were summoned by the car's On-Star call system.

If it weren't for that newfangled lie-beral gadget, she could have just walked away and taught her kids a lesson in the GOP form of personal responsibility.

JustPixelz August 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Instead of the "On-Star" device, she needs the IOKIYAR gizmo.

proudgrampa August 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm

If my daughter endangered my grandchildren like that, I would go ballistic. Hell, if my daughter was a Republican, I'd go ballistic.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 8, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Seems appropriate, after she sent her car ballistic.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:52 pm

No one would blame you.

LetUsBray August 8, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Endangering children, being a Republican; potato, potahto.

SayItWithWookies August 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm

This goes to show how egalitarian the Republican party is — she just shattered that glass ceiling windshield.

NorthStarSpanx August 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm

To the Right, danger to children only exists when they are inside the womb.

Nothingisamiss August 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Ain't that the damn fucking truth. I really am in no mood today. NO MOOD FOR THESE FUCKERS.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Hey, once they're born, it's their parents' JERB to take care of them and quit whining to the taxpayer, geez.

Nostrildamus August 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I blame Obama.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Everybody else does too, so take a number and get in line.

ManchuCandidate August 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Definitely an Amber Alert if she's on the road.

KeepFnThatChicken August 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Needs moar Tigger costoom

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Aw, she looks just like a Hahn in the Deerlights.

GuanoFaucet August 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Looks like someone can't Hahndle their fucking alcohol.

fuflans August 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

well to be fair, gotta get the kids home and out of the bar before bedtime.

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm

I guess that is right. I always hide mine under the bears in the claw machine.

horsedreamer_1 August 8, 2011 at 3:47 pm

"They tell me I shouldn't drink n' drive, but those kids have to get to school". — Dave Attell

Trannysurprise August 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

There's something wrong with Aunt Amber.

mayor_quimby August 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Did you watch that fucking doc on HBO?? The problem with Dianne is she was drunk as fuck, high, and an irresponsible cunt. I don't know why the widower dad couldn't just accept that fact and call a spade a cunt, as it were.

finallyhappy August 8, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I read about the film and decided I would not watch it. I read that they have done and redone the autopsy results and it proves she was drunk and high so why do a movie about this murdering bitch?

mumbly_joe August 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I said before, "Pro-Life, except for the victims". It doesn't stop being a thing that's true, except I guess now we can add in "Pro Family Values, except for the victims" also too.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 8, 2011 at 3:08 pm

No fetus was put at risk, so it's all OK.

MissusBarry August 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Did they test? My freude could use some schaden in the form of her being preggers and miscarrying as a result of the crash. Also, too, I'm a mean person.

An_Outhouse August 8, 2011 at 4:04 pm

plus the fetal alcohol syndrome.

JustPixelz August 8, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Or as they say in the Repubican Platform, "… protect sacred life until it leaves the womb, then fuck it in the skull with crappy schools, unsafe jobs, no Social Security and the responsibility to support our billionaire patrons."

BlueStateLibel August 8, 2011 at 4:11 pm

…and then drive around with the poor petrified kids in the backseat while you're stumbling drunk.

comrad_darkness August 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Also, all the pesticide laden water they can drink.

MLHencken August 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

What, is Shelly giving her staring lessons? This is too much crazy GOP lady shit for me in a single day. Tone it down, Kirsten!

Fox n Fiends August 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

You can't be a dry-drunk like Beck and Bush unless you pay your dues first.

GregComlish August 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Nice of the prison to find a jumpsuit that matches her Boehner-esq skin tone.

Ducksworthy August 8, 2011 at 3:18 pm

It's the liver, in both cases.

EatsBabyDingos August 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

How does this impact Sarah?

GregComlish August 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm

How do alcoholic, conservative, meth-heads impact Sarah Palin? Do you even have to ask?

Steverino247 August 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Unfortunately, there was no impact with Sarah Palin.

widestanceroman August 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Let the poor woman catch her breath. She's forced to live with the media invading her books, TV shows, films, tweets, and prone-to-abort cross country tours.

Can't she enjoy a little private life once in a while?

102415 August 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm

And her fucking hair salon don't forget.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 1:01 am

Palin bailed her out of jail because she thought Amber was a relative.

AlaskaGrrl August 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

And they have to bring in a DA from a different county? WTF? The republican DA has so little integrity as to not be able to prosecute a DUI case? What, only Democrats get tickets in that county? Man, that state is Koched up!

Jerry Fjord August 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

I thought the problem with Washington was spending not drinking. Sorry, 'baggers, looks like you'll have to change what you attack.

Weenus299 August 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Fuck it's like the state hobby in Wisconsin. Layoffa her.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I thought in Wisconsin drunk driving was considered a sport.

Oblios_Cap August 8, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Only in the winter or any part of football season.

SorosBot August 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

But she's still pro-life! These were children, not fetuses, so they don't count.

horsedreamer_1 August 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Also: this occurred around 9 pm. Not anytime close to bar-close. This dame is keeping it real, Wisconsin-style.

baconzgood August 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Now takin' her kids to the bar till close is Texas style.

Nothingisamiss August 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Leavin' them in the car is what we'd do in Georgia.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:56 pm

And still, there's a population problem.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 1:03 am

In Arizona, we give 'em a gun to play with in the car.

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 9:21 am

That's the middle-school FSA programme: Future Surveyors of America.

samsuncle August 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Another name to add to the Honor Roll of Republican Family Values.

EatsBabyDingos August 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm

They told me beer would make me smart, since it made Bud wiser.

Barrelhse August 8, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Sadder Budweiser.

smitallica August 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Looks like Old Granddad almost got a death panel.

Goonemeritus August 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm

See this is just what she was on about. Those Union cops clearly had it in for her.

writechic August 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm

She's got a serious Chaka thing going on: http://www.bookmice.net/darkchilde/lost/land22/3….

Guppy06 August 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm

In her defense, when was the last time anybody ever had a flattering drunken mugshot?

donner_froh August 8, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Kohlwey, a Republican, said she asked a special prosecutor from Dane County to handle the case.

Special prosecutor? The President of the United States gets a special prosecutor; big deal political/security cases get one (the Scooter Libby/ Valerie Palme fiasco). Why does a simple drunken driving with your kids in the car get a special prosecutor?

Republicans are fucked up but Wisconsin Republicans are really fucked up.

HedonismBot August 8, 2011 at 4:30 pm

See, I had a different take. I actually thought maybe the Republican DA called in the special prosecutor so as to avoid a conflict of interest. But then, I have a bad habit of giving people too much credit.

glamourdammerung August 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I figured they were more concerned about being implicated in something else illegal Hahn was doing that no one knows about yet myself.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 1:05 am

You're my kind of paranoid.

glamourdammerung August 9, 2011 at 6:23 am

You call it paranoia, I call it past experience.

owhatever August 8, 2011 at 2:56 pm

She's just a sinner and has already been forgiven. Now she can comb her hair, splash on some face paint and get ready for the cover of Newsweek. Another Teabagger star is born.

Radiotherapy® August 8, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Just another sexist attack by the liberal media on a conservative woman.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 1:05 am

Bud libel.

DerrickWildcat August 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm

A crime in Wisconsin where cannibalism isn't involved is rather unique. You better bookmark this one for future reference.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I thought Jeffrey Dahmer was in Minnesota. There were cannibalistic serial killers in Wisconsin too?

finallyhappy August 8, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I think it was Milwaukee

ShaveTheWhales August 9, 2011 at 4:05 am

You're right. Also, some years before Jeffey, there was Ed Gein (tho he was upstate).

simplyblue7 August 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm

clearly this makes her eligible to be president of the united states.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 1:06 am

Republican candidates have to wreck cars AND planes.

Steverino247 August 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I'd love to be the family law attorney representing her husband/father of the kids. Slam dunk!

Pragmatist2 August 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

If it was 1 A.M. and I saw this woman drunk in a bar, you know what I would do?
I would RUN for my life.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Honey, that's how come she got busted. She was chasing down the last runner.

Barrelhse August 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm

If she raises her arms in supplication, dances trance-like in the aisles, and spread-eagles on the floor (as we all do), I feel certain that all will be forgiven.

littlebigdaddy August 8, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Looks like she's been drinking more or less continuously since the Packers won the Super Bowl.

horsedreamer_1 August 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Havn't we all?

ShaveTheWhales August 9, 2011 at 4:06 am

I know I try to do my part.

Guppy06 August 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Children don't matter after they're born.

metamarcisf August 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Is this the outtake from the Bachmann Newsweek sessions?

Eve8Apples August 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm

That's my kinda porn – photos of drunk, disoriented, dissheveled teatards in orange prison outfits — Can't get enough of 'em.

Guppy06 August 8, 2011 at 3:11 pm

The Republican solution would be to ban women from driving, instead requiring that a male relative drives them. It's what Jesus would do.

MissusBarry August 8, 2011 at 3:32 pm

But, but, creeping sharia. Nevermind, they probably wouldn't recognize the irony.

Guppy06 August 8, 2011 at 3:38 pm

They're not called "Talibangelicals" for nothing!

emmelemm August 8, 2011 at 3:56 pm

That's some Handmaid's Tale shit, right there.

DaRooster August 8, 2011 at 3:17 pm

"Mommy, can you not hit that tree?"
"I know what I'm do…"

x111e7thst August 8, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Sometimes you have to crash your kids into a tree to save them from the unions. It is true, unions are THAT scary!

johnnyzhivago August 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I bet she only uses incandescent lighting in her home too!

AJWjr. August 8, 2011 at 6:58 pm

I would too, if I was her. It's obvious the police station uses fluorescents, and she looks terrible!

Rarian Rakista August 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

GOP now has a two drink minimum.

horsedreamer_1 August 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Just like the Jason Bonham concert at the Rave/Eagles's Club in Milwaukee.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Obviously, she went way over and above the minimum, heah.

Goonemeritus August 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Am I the only one that thinks her mug shot looks presidential than Bachmann looks in her Newsweek photo?

Sparky_McGruff August 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I'm not sure I understand. How is Sarah Palin the real victim here?

alzronnie August 8, 2011 at 3:29 pm

"…crashed while her three children were also riding in the car."

She did it for the children–how else are they going to learn about the evils of drunk driving?

KenLayIsAlive August 8, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I'd hit that. With my car while drunk.

PristinePantalones August 8, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I'd cheer you on from the sidelines.

Rosie_Scenario August 8, 2011 at 3:32 pm

This is a better photo than Michele B. on Newsweek.

inapewetrust August 8, 2011 at 3:34 pm

typical nanny state overreach, dictating to parents how drunk they should or shouldn't be while they drive their OWN CHILDREN around on public roads. government needs to LEAVE PARENTS ALONE and just stick to hastening the demise of poor people and forbidding various sexual techniques

Thurman Munster IV August 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm

She wants a special prosecutor from liberal Dane Co so she can scream persecution when she gets convicted.

Redhead August 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Please – that's not a woman. Her five o'clock shadow is darker than Ann Coulter's.

Beowoof August 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Too bad she isn't in New York, here it is a felony to drive drunk with the kids in the car. Mommy has to go away for awhile.

finallyhappy August 8, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I wonder if that is the law in Maryland- if not, I am going to bring it up with my legislators

zappadoo76 August 8, 2011 at 3:51 pm
DashboardBuddha August 8, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Not much better

elviouslyqueer August 8, 2011 at 4:08 pm

She's got the same clenched, pine-tree-up-the-butt expression as does Shelley. Are these bitches not familiar with Activia?

An_Outhouse August 8, 2011 at 4:04 pm

What did your elitist parents do with you on Friday night? Take you to the movies or something? Real 'Murkins tool around with their drunk parents for fun.

finallyhappy August 8, 2011 at 5:57 pm

We had to do the whole Shabbas thing- we didn't go anywhere except to walk to services

DashboardBuddha August 8, 2011 at 4:04 pm

See what happens when God is your co-pilot?

Barrelhse August 8, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Let Go and Let God.
heh.

comrad_darkness August 8, 2011 at 4:06 pm

She looks like a public service announcement.

Friends don't let friends become hypocritical goopers.

BlueStateLibel August 8, 2011 at 4:10 pm

And now we'll hear some black guy forced her to get drunk and then drive her three kids around in 1, 2, 3…

anniegetyerfun August 8, 2011 at 4:13 pm

We Dems can't do this because we only like children when there are a million of them, and we can't fit that many into our Priuses.

HedonismBot August 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm

"Kohlwey, a Republican, said she asked a special prosecutor from Dane County to handle the case."
DUI? Shmee-UI. Family values? Shmamily Shmalues. To me, the quote above is the only interesting thing about the story, because it re-affirms my belief that "conflict-of-interest" still counts as a thing (to be avoided,) and apparently Ms. Kohlwey agrees. My heart is warmed.

hagajim August 8, 2011 at 4:17 pm

If I were a Republican I'd be constantly drunk too…it would be the only way I could look at myself in the mirror every morning.

glamourdammerung August 8, 2011 at 4:17 pm

When the best thing the GOP can do for the upcoming recalls is hide their governor and hope everyone somehow forgets what aggressively stupid jerks they were in order to win, drinking heavily might be in order.

glamourdammerung August 8, 2011 at 4:17 pm

The drinks were clearly liberal plants, there to make a good conservative look bad!!!1111!!

The children too!!!11111!!!

zappadoo76 August 8, 2011 at 4:19 pm
DashboardBuddha August 8, 2011 at 4:23 pm

So…that's what a republican looks like without the face that Satan gave her.

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Satan haz a sad.

DashboardBuddha August 8, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Great…another Briebart fuckwad is following me. sigh

glamourdammerung August 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Same one, new account. Again. They are stalking me as well.

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Yeah. Me too. He is asking why the downfist is gone, like I run the site(?).

He/She is a doof.

glamourdammerung August 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm

They must have a pretty miserable excuse for a life when the best/only thing they have to do is stalk folks on this site.

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I “engaged” him last night asking “why the eff he changes his screenname so much?” I don't get that. It is as if the name he picks is to enrage, thus he likes to be a prickly prick.

zappadoo76 August 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Here's what Newsweek did to Sarah Palin. Republicans complained because it was "unretouched," so you can see all her zits and stuff.

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Geez, blow that up and her lip looks like the forest moon of Endor.

lmw777 August 8, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Laura Bush was supposed to be Ms. Hahn's designated driver.

SaintRond August 8, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Dog face cunt.

donner_froh August 8, 2011 at 6:50 pm

If that guy shaved, trimmed his hair a bit and put on a shirt with a collar he would look a lot better.

Barrelhse August 8, 2011 at 8:50 pm

"If my dog was that ugly I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards."

CalamityJames August 8, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Kohlwey, a Republican, said she asked a special prosecutor from Dane County to handle the case.

What fucking case?! She was driving drunk. With her kids in the car.

If she had been black or messican or Mel Gibson, she'd be in the chair by now.

kiska30 August 8, 2011 at 7:53 pm

YES!!!!!

kiska30 August 8, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Rebel Girl! Rebel Girl! Rebel Girl, you are the Queen of my world!

Warpde August 8, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Little on the serious here.
My son wrapped our 2009 Fit around a T pole a couple years ago.
Had 2 friends riding with him.
Even though the Police and Emergency crews walked to the car figuring everyone was dead they all made it out.
He was drunk.
6 months later a good friend of his didn't take his advice to take a Cab from the pub to our house..
He ran off the highway, hitting a T pole. He was also drunk.
His girlfriend went through the front window and died on impact. The 2 in the back were like my son and friends before…damn lucky. He was in a coma for weeks and lost his leg.

So as far as Amber Hahn goes……with her children in the car?
Fuck You Amber.

LakeLucilleLoon August 8, 2011 at 9:48 pm

"…drove her car around drunk until it crashed". I'd say it sound like the car's fault. Car got drunk, car crashed. End of story.

lulzmonger August 8, 2011 at 9:52 pm

You uphold Traditional USAian Family Values with the version of "suffer the little children" you have, not the version of "suffer the little children" you WISH you had.

LakeLucilleLoon August 8, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Also, that unflattering mugshot is kind of sexist, doncha think?

rocktonsam August 8, 2011 at 10:30 pm

and some Ed Shultz guy is in Madison

don't help please

you better fricking vote Wisconsin

LetUsBray August 8, 2011 at 10:55 pm

John Stossel's been campaigning to get rid of drunk driving laws. So here's her chance to rehabilitate her image, to go on his show and take her case to dozens and dozens of people!

Quayle2012_KNOT August 8, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Click the link and you'll discover she explained, "It's clear to me now that I have lost focus and am trying to do too much." Spoken like a true Gingrich supporter and pillar of the Teatard "cause." Can't wait for tomorrow's recalls.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2011 at 1:14 am

Yeah, that's also my problem — I'm TOO good.

Negropolis August 8, 2011 at 11:53 pm

…and that no other vehicles were involved.

This is the best part. As if crashing into some stationary object with your kids in the car is somehow better than not being able to miss another car.

That's luck, lady, not something that you did or had any control over.

HistoriCat August 8, 2011 at 11:56 pm

You're assuming that pole was stationary! They're tricky devils I tell you.

Negropolis August 9, 2011 at 12:17 am

Stationary poles have a liberal bias, I hear.

horsedreamer_1 August 9, 2011 at 9:25 am

That's why we have to be ever vigilant.

ShaveTheWhales August 9, 2011 at 4:10 am

And the reason no one was hurt may well be those fucking government-mandated airbags that drive the price of cars up so much.

RedAmanda August 9, 2011 at 6:47 pm

One look at that vixen makes my little thing go soaking wet. Oh why wasn't I there to drink her urine test???

ttommyunger August 9, 2011 at 7:50 pm

In a local press conference, her attorney announced that his client only drinks and drives with her children in the car because she loves America so much.

mavenmaven August 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Well, she doesn't know Jesus' last name either.

SexySmurf August 8, 2011 at 3:14 pm

His last name is Christ, obviously. His middle name, though, is still a mystery; all we know is that it starts with an H.

Gunner Asch August 8, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Hussein, of course.

elviouslyqueer August 8, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Wait. I thought his middle name was "Fucking."

DashboardBuddha August 8, 2011 at 5:26 pm

How do you engage someone here…is there a chat site that I don't know about?

jus_wonderin August 8, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Nah, I just wrote back asking why he was following me. Its just strange since we don't share a wit of ideology.

glamourdammerung August 8, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Even more odd in my case since I would have been considered a conservative until they went full retard.

thedeathofirony August 9, 2011 at 6:37 am

The old Glass Coffin, as they called it in my days.

AJWjr. August 9, 2011 at 10:06 am

Got me curious, so I checked google maps. They've not only changed the name, but moved the bar! Used to be at 18th and Collingwood. Wonder what else has changed in the 45 years since I moved…

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