journamalismz

Newsweek Puts Another Insane Shrill GOP Female Politician On the Cover

but how to make the journalism monies these days?“Congratulations” or whatever you say these days to shameless political tabloids when they use a horrorporn photo of Michele Bachmann’s vacant stare to terrorize America’s grocery store checkout lines. Here is the strange part: this is a photo of Michele Bachmann totally asleep! Haha, just kidding, we do not know what she is doing here, but that probably isn’t far off. She is most likely just enjoying the morphine drip and fistful of “migraine pills” that she is always mainlining on any given day. She is also apparently “full of rage” in this photo according to the caption, which strangely is probably the only emotion we would not attribute to Michele in this photo. Our first thought was more like, “brain dead.”

Oh right, and here is your Sexist Sarah Palin Newsweek Cover for the “compare and contrast” essay.

Uh, and some pointless earnest commentary from WaPo:

Where on earth is she looking this time? [Bachmann advisor Ed] Rollins has the candidate under control. He now has to get this aspect of her image under control. It’s as if someone is dangling a treat (or maybe it’s a line of Scripture) to get her to look at the camera the way a photographer tries to get a kid to focus on class picture day. The Newsweek piece by Lois Romano delves into Bachmann’s status as queen of the Tea Party movement and how her history contradicts many of her policy ideas. There’s no denying that Bachmann firmly believes what she believes. Some might think she’s crazy because of it. Cover photos like this one help to cement that image.

[TwitPic/ Washington Post]

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257 comments

    1. LabRodent

      Solution: Have two Cameras take her picture at the same time. One in the distance where she actually looks and a fake one in front of her as a prop.

    2. LetUsBray

      Too many bad experiences with little glass shards flying everywhere, and her mad, unblinking eyes unprotected.

    3. PristinePantalones

      Her right eye is looking at it just fine! It's her left eye that's the problem.

      1. PristinePantalones

        I thought it was the eye surgery. All the pubbies seem to get that lid lift to give them that "kraykray eye" look. They think it makes them look young and alert, when actually it makes them look downright insane.

    1. PristinePantalones

      I'm just not buying her "titanium spine" bullshit. She runs screaming and crying from old lady nuns, for crisake. Real brave, Mishmash!

    1. Kidneys4Sale

      I was gonna go more with the snaggle-tooth shark in Strange Wilderness, but that works, too.

    2. Limeylizzie

      MrLimeylizzie worked on that movie and we have a huge bathtowel, which I use frequently, with that picture on it, does this mean that I am wrapping my body in Michele on a regular basis?

    3. PristinePantalones

      Oh, no, that guy looks sweet and nice and inoffensive, geeze. Bachmannitis, OTOH, looks like she's millimeters from having a bird spring out of her skull screaming "Cuckoo!" repeatedly till she bashes it back in with a baseball bat.

  1. MissusBarry

    That creepy-vacant look reminds me of Jared Loughner, just a little skinnier and with eyebrows.

  2. LabRodent

    Newsweek smeared Michelle Bachmann by publishing a picture she supplied and posed for.
    Liberal Rag.

    1. mourningnmerica

      The only smears that 'chele has a problem with are of the Government paid pap variety.

    2. petehammer

      This falls right into the Newt Gingrich "you can't quote what I said!"

      DAMN YOU FACTS AND HISTORY!

    3. dancesw_cougars

      That tricksy photographer. He said "just smile naturally", and we did precious, oh yes we did.

    1. Native_of_SL_UT

      He's actually a "Silver Fox", which he apparently thinks is code for "gay".
      From a New Yorker piece:

      Marcus Bachmann plopped down on the seat next to me, in the back of the plane. He pointed at my laptop and asked if he could take a look. “All I want to know is what they’re saying about me,” he said. “Newsweek came up with the word ‘silver fox.’ Tell me what ‘silver fox’ means.”

      “Do you want me to tell you honestly?” I asked.

      “Oh, don’t tell me it’s something gay!” he said. “Because I’ve been called that before.” Marcus is a psychologist who runs a clinic that employs people Michele described in 2006 as “Biblical world-view counsellors,” who “reach out and try to bring the medicine of the Gospel to come and heal people.”

      1. GregComlish

        Oh what a gem! I can't believe that is the first I've heard of this.

        "Mac OS X? Never heard of it. Probably some sort of gay operating system for gay people which I would know nothing about because I am definitely not gay. I run windows which compliments my innate heterosexuality and biblical world view."

  3. hagajim

    Is it just me…or does she look like the fat kid in school and someone is dangling a Twinkie just out of reach….those crazy, crazy eyes.

  4. Goonemeritus

    That’s her just woke up from a fugue state clutching a length of pipe covered in someone else’s blood look.

  5. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm pretty sure that is the look she gives whenever her husband "accidentally" tries to have the buttsex with her.

    1. HobbesEvilTwin

      I'm pretty sure the only buttsex Marcus has is with underage boys. Not that there's anyth– oh, wait, yes there is a lot wrong with that.

    1. gullywompr

      I was just about to say, she looks like she was lifted from a painting of dogs playing poker

  6. V572 Coif of Destiny

    That was the easy part. Now take a jouney deep into Miche1e's brain:

    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/08/15/110

    Warning: Not safe for the faint of heart. Involves statements like “Jefferson Davis and John C. Calhoun understood the Constitution better than did Abraham Lincoln and Daniel Webster.”

    And cargo pants. On Shelley.

    1. SorosBot

      She's worse than we thought; among other things she follows a preacher who doesn't want to take us back to the 1950s or the 19th Century, but all the way back to the 13th Century:

      Schaeffer’s film series consists of ten episodes tracing the influence of Christianity on Western art and culture, from ancient Rome to Roe v. Wade. In the films, Schaeffer—who has a white goatee and is dressed in a shearling coat and mountain climber’s knickers—condemns the influence of the Italian Renaissance, the Enlightenment, Darwin, secular humanism, and postmodernism. He repeatedly reminds viewers of the “inerrancy” of the Bible and the necessity of a Biblical world view. “There is only one real solution, and that’s right back where the early church was,” Schaeffer tells his audience.

      1. V572 Coif of Destiny

        Stinkin Renaissance is the cause of all of today’s problems. Let’s all go out in the desert and eat locusts and wild honey until we have visions or get stung to death.

        1. SorosBot

          And what's with that anti-Biblical process of "sanitation" to keep the Black Death from spreading instead of prayer?

          (It's also kind of ironic coming from a born-again fundamentalist Protestant, since without the Renaissance there would be no Martin Luther and they'd still be Catholic).

      2. BeWoot

        And of course, the funny part is, at the time of "the early church" the Bible had not yet been invented.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        If Ed Rollins, as Bachmann’s campaign manager has the cajones to speak ill of his own:

        Ross Perot (“a paranoid lunatic on an ego trip”)

        And of other 'powerful' women:

        Arianna Huffington (“the most ruthless, unscrupulous, and ambitious person I’d met in thirty years in national politics”).

        When's he going to roll out that high powered perception on the outdoor Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin?

      1. V572 Coif of Destiny

        Ah, well, Newsweek needed a shot of credibility from Tina Brown. Look what she did for the New Yorker.

      2. ifthethunderdontgetya

        Doh!

        Well, you see, the donkey cart carrying that news out to Ohio fell off the Appalachian trail near Big Savage Mountain, and that's my story.

        P.S. They don't seem to have gotten any better (they, referring to both the War Criminal Post and Newsweek).

        P.P.S. This is the P.S. I was going with, until I forgot:

        IACI 36.89 Last -1.45
        ~

  7. freakishlywrong

    Have the conservatards started whinging about the librul media yet? Because one of their candidates looks, (is) certifiable? I can't read that shit anymore, I really can't.

  8. neiltheblaze

    So the mainstreaming of Shelly "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann continues apace. Thanks again, Newsweek, for all that you do!

  9. Texan_Bulldog

    This is the picture I'm going to show my kids to prove their is a bogey[wo]man who will come out from under their beds if they don't eat their damn vegetables!

    1. PristinePantalones

      That might cross the line into child abuse. I mean, *I'm* scared shitless of her and I'm a tough Old.

    1. PristinePantalones

      I thought the deal was that among all those sinusoid spaces crammed to the brim with Stupid, the only other thing that managed to survive was a thick, streaming clot of rage. Sort of like blood seeping from a heart, or peanut-butter-and-jelly-in-a-jar, hm.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    What the freakin' hell — did they do that on purpose, or was this simply the best shot she took? It looks like they joined the DNA of Gerald Ford and that Colon Cleanse lady and then electrocuted her.

  11. kissawookiee

    Does anybody remember Star Trek: The Motion Picture and the endless hours of slack-jawed-gaping-at-the-wonders-of-VGer "acting" it foisted upon the world? I think Michele just busted out the LaserDisc player.

    1. 102415

      Not enough. Not nearly enough.
      Anyway botox is now being used for migranes. Like birth control pills were used to regulate your period. Ironically.

        1. 102415

          I spent an evening with a doctor who runs a migraine clinic who uses botox. According to her it's good for everything!

  12. SorosBot

    This is all Reagan's fault; before he sent the mental patients out on the street Michele would be getting the treatment she needs and pose no danger to others.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      And Obama's Big Government fault too, if it weren't for Fanny or Freddie, she'd be homeless AND crazy.

  13. gullywompr

    Hate to steal from a previous wonketteer, but it bears repeating….

    "Water, Michelle W-A-T-E-R."

  14. mourningnmerica

    Objectively speaking, that may be the most disturbing, most illuminating picture of Michele to date.

  15. fartknocker

    You know what's scarier? Her and Gubnor Big Hair standing on the dias at the RNC and accepting the nomination for POTUS and VPOTUS.

    1. HistoriCat

      You know what's even scarier? "I Michele Bachmann do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States …"

  16. Beowoof

    She looks crazy in that picture true, however the real crazy part is she approved that picture for the cover. Now that is one crazy beootch

  17. Buckminster

    Somewhere, tiny children are trembling at the thought that this monster might be hiding in their closet.

    MOMMY, I"M SCARED!!!!!!!!!

  18. James Michael Curley

    "Sittin' and starin',
    Outa the hotel window,
    Gotta tip they're,
    Bustin' the door in again."

    1. Steverino247

      Good one. I like the take off on that song "Asshole son" which is very funny. No idea where to find a copy, though.

  19. AJWjr.

    Say what you will, but even she and $arah weren't batshit crazy enough to show up to Goodhair's event over the weekend.

  20. JustPixelz

    As I watch the Dow and my dreams of retirement sink under the weight of credit downgrades, I recall the words of Michele Bachmann:

    “I will not vote to increase the debt ceiling,” she says in the commercial. “It goes completely contrary to common sense and how I grew up in Iowa.”

    if the Demoncrats can't make her and the other Repubican TP'ers with their 98% victory dance absolutely OWN this downgrade, I'm voting for Sarah Palin's™ mannequin head.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Can't steal what she doesn't have. In order for someone to steal her soul, they'll have to break into Satan's safe deposit box.

  21. SheriffRoscoe

    Really? The photographer couldn't get her to soften those eyes and unclench that smile for a split second by telling her the funniest racist joke he's ever heard? It's like Newsweek WANTS us all saying mean things about her.

  22. Steverino247

    If Americans elect this insane woman to the office of President, I'm moving to Australia. Because that's the last place the radiation will reach, if "On the Beach" is correct. Evangelicals will light this planet on fire to bring back Jesus. Every one of them will have that batshit crazy look on their faces, too.

    1. finallyhappy

      I am ignoring all the stock market stuff- so I can think about where I can find a job now that I retired 2 years ago.

  23. 5thstate

    "There’s no denying that Bachmann firmly believes what she believes. Some might think she’s crazy because of it. Cover photos like this one help to cement that image<i/>".

    Some might KNOW FOR A FACT that she's crayayayazeeeee because of facts and logic and reason and data and things which are mutually exclusive and not like each other which nonetheless Bachmann believes are identical or not depending on what that thing is that has to do with Jesus and homos and taxes and fetuses and socialism and Muslims and certain birth certificates
    I

  24. Come here a minute

    Big deal — wake me up when she gets the cover of that real political kingmaker, Runner's World.

  25. RocketNo9

    Seriously? Her handlers let that photo go through? Did they do it intentionally so they can immediately turn around and cry victim that their beloved cuntidate is being mistreated my Librul Media? Because anyone media savvy in the least is going to demand refusal rights on the photo before it goes.

  26. DahBoner

    The photographer had to hold up a bag of gold coins and jingle it to get her attention for the photo…

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      It's back up to $1700 an ounce today, Beck must be dancing with glee and vindication.

  27. zappadoo76

    Newsweek probably took about 20 photos of Queen Ragia, and picked the worst one, on purpose. Teh gays, who run the operation, did this as a service to themselves and their country. Thanks, gays!

  28. proudgrampa

    OK, I don't know what it's called, but that cover picture reminds me of an aunt who had a condition where she had to look sideways at everything, like her retinal focus was to the side. It was weird: she would look at her water glass while slicing her steak.

    Doesn't take away from the fact that Michele is a loon…

  29. LiveToServeYa

    I'm happy about this picture. I want it on thousands of billboards across America. THE FACE OF THE TEA PARTY! Everyone will recognize the batshit insanity and pelt her face with hobobean cans or whatever. 'Crap in hand! Fling crap!'

  30. NorthStarSpanx

    Bachmann quoted the manifesto, which describes an America where people “have civil and religious liberty, and here we can choose whatever profession we want, and no one tells us what profession we go in.” Her ancestors, she said, read those words and “sold everything and took their five children and bought boat tickets to come to Iowa.”

    Her Nordic fourfathers took a boat to Iowa?

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      No, they took a boat to Wisconsin (almost equally tricky), moved to the Dakota wilderness, and fled back to less-wildernessy Iowa.

  31. Tundra Grifter

    Over at Newsbusters (Comedy Central for Conservatives) they got their collective panties in a bunch over this foto.

    I don't think it's fair to blame Newsweek. I think she's giving us the only look she's got.

  32. horsedreamer_1

    Nice try, Letterman, but putting on a wig & going over the gap-tooth with liquid paper isn't going to break your next Late Show character.

    Try again.

  33. mumbly_joe

    Dear WaPo guy and also Slate morans: It's also possible that she looks crazy in every publicity photo and press conference she does, because she's just cold crazy. Sometimes a thing really just is what it looks like. Has anyone ever seen Bachman not looking like a lunatic? Does anybody have any evidence that this wasn't really and truly the best photo they had to work with?

  34. alzronnie

    Yup, there's a new crazy sheriff in town. Sorry Sarah, looks like you and Todd are going to have to go back to pulling that badger game on drunk salesman at the Days Inn.

  35. PalinPussyPower

    I know in the past I've said that I would, because crazy in the head crazy in the bed.

    But I would not hit that. I would not. I've changed my mind. I would not.

  36. Hurricane Ali

    Q: Not that I mind or I am complaining or anything, but couldn't the photographer have found a less insane-looking photo of Bachmann for this Newsweek cover?

    A: Good luck with that.

  37. Slim_Pickins

    No wonder the market crashed. This is likely the first thing Wall Streeters saw when they got off their trains this morning. Its enough to put anyone off their game…

  38. PristinePantalones

    I want someone to explain to me why her right eye is staring straight at me (wif teh KrayZ) while her left eye is watching god or staring straight into the sun, or something.

  39. lochnessmonster

    Yikes! That is truly frightening. if I had little children, I'd tell them to turn their heads.

  40. Barrelhse

    I just looked more closely at the photo and it seriously looks like something is dripping off the bottom of her chin. Either that or she's tripping.

  41. flamingpdog

    She certainly lost the environmental vote with that picture. It's pretty obvious that the lights are on but nobody's home.

  42. Negropolis

    Tina Brown's a bitch in the best sense of the word. Unfortunately, Tina Brown's a consummate courtisan and a media attention whore, so she's also a bitch in the worst sense of the word.

    As for the photo, it screams "The 40-year-old Not-so Virgin."

  43. mormos

    If you look at each individual eye they are looking at the camera, but somehow taken together she stares everywhere at once. Trying to figure out how that is possible is costing me my sanity. I'm begining to think she may actually be an eldritch horror.

  44. ttommyunger

    Thirty fucking kids in the house and a closeted Liberace Sound-alike for a husband and you'd look like this too.

  45. miss_grundy

    She looks like she had her picture taken for an anger management class identification card.

    Instead of calling her the queen of rage, call her a raging c**t.

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